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He was dreaming something sweet.

He was home again, the terrifying streets of his old neighborhood cut out in cardboard frames, waiting for him to step right up and bulldoze them down. The Murray’s living across the street, the Fishman’s down the way to the right . . . all empty homes like skulls without eyes in them. And little Cathy of those yesteryears was still down on the sidewalk with a tiny hand full of sidewalk chalk, drawing the same pictures she had been drawing thirty years ago.

‘Hey Danny!’ she called to him, only looking up when he did not answer, ‘Hey big bro. How’s life been? It’s been a long time since we’ve had a chance to talk.’

His throat burned up as an acid moon of bile rose in his chest. Her eyes were direct, stripping away the years of adulthood, back to the days when she had looked at him as kin to god, and the aftermath of failure. He had not been able to save her from the horrible fate she had fallen prey. A wicked grin split her face, and the pupils of her eyes became large and dark, and utterly alien. Like something that slept beneath the sea. Unfeeling and cold.

‘Anyway,’ she said, ‘we haven’t time for that right now. Wrongs will be righted. Justice is perverse, and vengeful, and does not miss opportunities. Danny, do you know about the flies?’

He was dream paralyzed now, caught in those alien eyes like a deer in the headlights. The question was rhetorical and she continued ‘Flies don’t live very long, big bro. Long enough to breed really. And with their purpose gone, they just kind of dry up and blow away.’

She picked up an orange piece of chalk and traced the remains of a tattered baby doll lazily onto the sidewalk in front of her. The doll was naked and missing its arms and half of its head seemed burned off. She bent her head down and into her work, silent and contemplating for a moment while the one-eyed doll gazed fitfully at the darkening sky.

‘Because life is a continuous circle,’ she said finally, ‘we don’t mourn the ones we’ve lost. That’s the value of eternity. You spend forever wondering where things went, when they never left. They’re sitting there, staring at you, and all the while, it’s you who have gone away. That’s what separates us now, big bro. It’s not simple, like life or death. It’s a whole new shade of gray.’

She picked up a fat purple chalk and began to lazily trace a side-ways eight, so that a strange lavender mist began to seep up from the concrete. The sky continued to darken and the bright blood red of sunset washed across the sky. The Caribbean green of her eyes seemed to glow. Then she turned to her side and scattered the chalks and stared at them. In a way, that was worse because he could not see the eyes that rightfully accused him. His heart sank lower in his chest.

‘All our children are made of latex,’ she pronounced carefully, ‘In an age of cleanliness we still subscribe to martyrdom, though the parameters differ. Big brother, I never really knew what love was until yesterday. Love is an empty and expansive thing, really. Consuming. It forgives no one. Inside of God’s eternal love, I am utterly alone. That’s what eternity is. Walk away from God now, and sin. Go astray. And never regret a moment of it. I suffer for you.’

At last he found his voice and could only moan, ‘Cathy . . .’ before it left him completely in agony and no words for his despair.

‘I know, I know,’ she sighed, irritated, ‘ You had not the strength to stand when you could walk. And now I crawl. God is a possessive creator, and he will reap what he has sown. People believe god dead, or that god does not care. No, god has a plan. And damned are we who he has made, for we are its subjects.’

He shivered at this blaspheme, and little Cathy laughed, kicking the baby doll away. From the impact of her blow, the little head broke free from its body and rolled to his feet, where its dolly eyes could better look up at him pleadingly. Save me, Mister, the doll seemed to cry, save me from -the dark, the monster, the flies.

Cathy made a noise of disgust and then grabbed his hand ‘C’mon, big bro. You know what we have to do.’

He tried to shake his head no, to tell her he had already been through this, nearly every night since it happened, and that for nearly thirty years he had played the same old routine. But she tugged him insistently and up the long walk before their childhood home they went.

‘Shhh,’ she giggled, opening the door, ‘You know Mama’s in the bottom of the bottle again.’ Sure enough, as his eyes adjusted to the interior of the house, he saw his mother passed out on the couch with a bottle of brandy wedged between her legs. She’d dropped a cigarette on to the stained rug and it had burned itself a snug little gray trench to call home. A cloistering deja vu settled in the back of nerve-wracked mind. How many times had he given up a night of sleep to make sure that his mother hadn’t passed out with a lit cigarette and burned the house down? Surely it was beyond number now.

‘Don’t mind her,’ Cathy said, not even glancing in her mother’s direction, ‘She’ll be out for hours. And we have business to attend to.’

She led him up the dark wooden stairs with her hard little shoes making deliberate footsteps on each and every panel. Down the hallway she went and stopped in front of her old bedroom door. What followed needed no direction. He slipped into his role and opened the door.

A little girl’s room, sunshine yellow in the late afternoon. Her dollhouse, her shoes, her numerous toys and games. All waiting for her to come back and play with them. They sat in anticipation, like they did that afternoon so many years ago. And in the little bed, covered from head to toe lay a little form, eerily still.

‘Go on,’ Cathy said, more a voice than a body.

He walked slowly to the bedside and stopped for a moment, wishing to god he didn’t have to do this again. Not again.

He peeled back the blanket and there lay Cathy, pale and frozen, with glassy eyes wide open and staring beyond the ceiling. Her pillow, her dress, her dolly, they were all covered in a sickened brown-crimson of drying blood, the source being a large clot which had pooled in her right ear.

‘We never talked about that afternoon, big bro, did we? You knew what she did, you knew that after she was done she closed the door and went downstairs to drink herself to sleep. And you listened to it all through these paper-thin walls. And you knew that one day it was really going to happen, that one day she would go too far. And when she did you never uttered a word against her, did you?’ the voice continued snaking its way through his mind.

The eyes of the corpse popped shut and opened again, but instead of eyes were two writhing orbs of maggots. The skin of the corpse began to move of its own accord, as though it had no skeletal frame but only the form the little white beasts selected for it. A single maggot twisted free and rolled down her cheek like a teardrop, hitting the sheets with an audible plop.

‘And now,’ the voice said with satisfaction as the terror, shame and guilt threatened to rip him apart from the inside, ‘For every day that you have lived and I have not, you will suffer the life I have missed, the death I chanced, and the emptiness of the eternity in God’s shadow.’

The hand of the corpse inched toward him now and a little whisper escaped the dry, dead lips ‘Save me,’ and just as her fingertips grazed his sleeve . . .

He woke screaming, like he had every night, for the last thirty years.

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When Jim caught Pam. By Trish. As a child I had three passions, art, reading, especially about history, and wishing I was a girl. I did not hide the first two, but growing up in a pit village I instinctively knew that I had to keep the third one to myself. As I got older and started to progress through primary school this gender confusion about who and what I was supposed to be got steadily worse and made it a struggle to fit in with the other boys. My interests, tastes and sense of...

2 years ago
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When In Roam

She turned to see a boi standing next to her near the bar. She was cute. Short, slightly curly blonde hair, a cocky grin on her lips. She felt herself smile back at her, a spark of something shooting through her. It had been some months since she had been in bed with anyone and the girl was looking pretty damn edible. She had always found herself drawn to more androgynous looking women, short hair and tall with lean strong bodies, girls that bucked the typical butch role to become kids or...

Lesbian
2 years ago
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When It Hits The Fan

When It Hits The Fan! By: Lorraine B. (c) 2003 All Rights Reserved I had just finished packing the Class A Motorhome that I was to take on my vacation. I decided on an extended vacation after being forced to do so by my partner that was also my sister in our business. Checking over the fishing gear, I planned on hitting the lake and eventually to drop the proverbial line into it. We, my sister and I, owned two ladies apparel shops and a clothing factory and it seemed that I was...

2 years ago
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When did Mom Start Wanting Me part 3

This part of the story is longer than the other parts before it and sorry that it is, but with all the interuptions I had, trying to write this part, I had trouble remebering what and how, I had planed on writing it but I do hope, you all enjoy it, for those of you that do read it.Shortly after I got into bed I heared mom in her bedroom across the hall from my bedroom, masterbating from the sounds she was making and the bed squeaking like it was.I took mom's wet pantys and licked the guset...

4 years ago
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When dressed

Properly start from down to above..When dressed I could never pass as a woman. I am clearly a sissy put into woman’s close. Love being sent out like that. Exposed. Knowing whoever sees me knows just what I am. I have only done that at adult bookstores and at adult theaters. When openly dressed there, either in nothing but lingerie and stockings and panties, or if I go in a skirt, stockings, blouse, bra and breast forms, it is not only clear what I am, but most men who enjoy sissies see it as an...

2 years ago
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When dressed

I could never pass as a woman. I am clearly a sissy put into woman’s close. Love being sent out like that. Exposed. Knowing whoever sees me knows just what I am. I have only done that at adult bookstores and at adult theaters. When openly dressed there, either in nothing but lingerie and stockings and panties, or if I go in a skirt, stockings, blouse, bra and breast forms, it is not only clear what I am, but most men who enjoy sissies see it as an open invitation to use me. When dressed like...

2 years ago
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WHEN INNOCENCE ENDS

When Innocence EndsbyCosmickinkiness©Sometimes your body and mind want something so bad that it defies logic and makes you do things you would have believed otherwise impossible. Things you never could have even imagined. It was very early on that Mitchell noticed that his daughter Fiora, or Fi, was developing a very playful and teasing side just like her mother who was a natural charmer. During her teenage years and high school, Fi and her father were always very close and their...

2 years ago
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When The Wifes Away

Creampie Corners - When The Wife's Away Marcie, a college girl of 19, sat and attentively listened to Judy Stubbletrap fill her in on her duties for the next two weeks. "While I'm gone, you'll take care of the house, fix meals for my husband, care for our pets, tend to the yard, household things like that. Now, you mentioned that you'd broken up with your boyfriend, is that correct?" Marcie's bare legs were nicely framed with a tasteful skirt that settled about mid thigh. She unconsciously...

3 years ago
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When Curiosity Fills

I sat in alone in my office at 11:00 p.m. on a Thursday night in April, preparing an important motion in a multi-million dollar malpractice suit. After editing the final draft I sat back and took a deep breath. I was exhausted, and, oddly enough, pretty horny. The wife was out of town and somehow I couldn't stand the thought of spending the night with just my hand. Shaking off the sordid thoughts that were roaming through my head, I stood up and began the walk down the empty hallway...

2 years ago
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When Doves Cry

When Doves Cry by Natalie Nessus Part 1 Dig if you will the picture This is the journal of Robert Amati. Although it sounds impressive, this so called journal is just a few pages scrounged from Julietta's study and will be, I fear, all that is left of me. Calmness has descended on me, filling me, and I am no longer constantly afraid. I am, I fear, now accepting of what I am and that means more of my memories are leaving like smoke from a...

3 years ago
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When in RomeChapter 2

Day 3 I left the house before dawn, arriving at the forum as the first merchants were setting up. Once there, I quickly learned something. However I came to be here, I could understand and speak the different languages I’d heard so far. I knew I had been speaking Latin, even though I thought in English. Without even knowing what language it was, I understood and conversed with someone who spoke a different language this morning, probably Greek. Unbelievably cool. By noon, I had the...

3 years ago
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When In Rome 03

Authors Notes Back to Callia&Cassius – although no one gets pregnant in this chapter, there IS mention of it. So, fair warning if thats not your thing. _____________________________ CHAPTER THREE: Scene 01: Callia – Sex? No. Scene 02: Cassius – Sex? Yes. Scene 03: Callia – Sex? Yes. _____________________________ CALLIA It was her third, and probably final, bath of the day. Callia could finally relax. Her day was supposed to be over, and it had been a good day. Every inch of her body had been...

2 years ago
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When a Wish Comes True

The following story is based on real-life experiences up to the point of my wish and prayer to become a girl. I did do that wish and prayer as I have every day of my life since. I thought this might be a way of considering how my life would have been different had that wish come true. I hope you enjoy the story. (Recently edited to provide a slightly better ending) -------- I sat near the front of the bus and kept my head tucked down to make myself less noticeable. It was near the...

2 years ago
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When The Time For Clowning Around Has Passed

Some losses are impossible to survive. I certainly felt that way when my wife of eight years was killed by a drunk driver. There were days when it weighed so heavily on me that I couldn't breathe. The only thing that got me through was the need to be strong for our two children.Our son was barely three years old at the time. He barely remembers a time when it wasn't just the three of us. Our daughter was six years old. Right from the start, she made it her mission in life to make sure her...

Love Stories
3 years ago
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When I Learn To Fly

ONERain is so much prettier in the summer.As we drove, fat drops splattered against the car windows. The sun shot through their glossy skins and threw coloured lights inside—like riding in a kaleidoscope. Good job it was this pretty, too; to tolerate another hour in the car with Mom, I needed the distraction."Danni?" Esme, my girlfriend, traced the seam along the inner leg of my jeans. "You're quiet. It's weird.""Just tired, baby." It wasn't weird. I'd been quiet with her a lot lately, but...

2 years ago
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When I Became A Woman Chap 4

Dear Diary, I have to remind you again that I’m not making any of this up!!! It happened just like I’m saying, and it was wonderful. I’m now a REAL WOMAN!!!!!!! You know when you come back to school in the fall and the English teacher makes you write “What I Did This Summer” essays? Well, Diary, I wish I could turn this one in ‘cause I am just thrilled to death and I just wish I could tell everybody! She always says “write what you know, write how you feel”, and I know I’d get an A+ on...

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