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Ms. Yates A Novel Eighteen She went to Rick Hayden first, and he immediately enlisted the student leaders from all four classes. Ms. Gunderson got most of the teachers on board. A delegation of 10 students and five teachers, let by Tina, went to see Ms. Barnes. "A memorial service?" she spluttered. "Without the approval of the family? Out of the question!" Rick pointed out that a good many students were struggling with Jeremy's death, and they would take strength from sharing the memorial service. Ms. Gunderson stated that most families would have had a wake and a funeral, or a service and then would have sat Shiva, and that students and teachers could have gotten closure from that. "All of us need to grieve in our own ways," Mr. Radisson said. "We're linked together far more than we realize, and a tragedy like this goes to the heart of it." "You need to grieve, Mr. Radisson?" Ms. Barnes asked, incredulous. "Absolutely. As do you, Ms.Barnes." They expected a sharp comeback from her, but there was none. "There's no shame in it, you know," he added. She slowly started to nod. "No, there isn't. You're right." Tina and Rick exchanged glances. "All right," Ms. Barnes went on. "Friday morning, right after homeroom, in the gym, the whole school to attend. Ms. Gunderson, Mr. Radisson, Ms. Yates and Mr. Hayden, please plan a program lasting no more than one period and have it to me by the end of the school day today." # The memorial service went smoothly, with Tina, Rick, Ms. Barnes, Ms. Gunderson and Mr. Radisson all speaking. The students had all been very subdued when it was over, and Meredith said to Tina later, "That might have been the nicest that students in this school have ever been to one another." That afternoon, Tina had an appointment with Dr. Fleming, and she was glad to find the waiting room empty when she got there. She had just sat down when the door opened and the doctor called her in. "I went to see the police yesterday," Tina said without preamble. "Yes, I know. Detective Russo called me after you left. Are you all right? She told me that she had told you some of the particulars of Jeremy's death." She only had one question: had Jeremy killed himself because he hated himself for going along with the therapy, or because he hated Gerrilynn for being the person he so wanted to be but couldn't? "Those are two sides of the same coin, Tina. He was forced into an irreconcilable internal conflict, and so he was almost certain to have feelings of internal rage. The ultimate internal target of that rage doesn't really matter." Tina talked about the memorial service, and how comforting they had all found it. "Ms. Barnes really is a good principal." "And she thoroughly approves of you," the doctor replied. But Tina fell into a morose silence, and the doctor reached out to squeeze her hand before she spoke again. "You need something to pull you back in to the flow of school. You are mature beyond your years, but you are at heart still a teenager, still caught between the desire to move toward adulthood and the desire to hold onto some vestige of childhood just a little longer. Your gender identity change probably makes that a little worse." "Is that why Gerrilynn was so bubbly?" Dr. Fleming reminded her that she had never treated Gerrilynn, hadn't even met her, and so could not say anything definitive about her situation. "But that's not an unreasonable suggestion." "I still have the paper," Tina said. "And I got my acceptance to Fordham. Those are positive things." But she still needed something social. Dr. Fleming's suggestion came as a shock. "The prom? Have you forgotten what kind of experience I had at the prom last year? It was supposed to be a casual date, but it wound up being much more than that." Dr. Fleming sat back and regarded her patient for a while. "Do you remember when you first came to me? We used to play 'what if' games, and they helped us to clarify and understand some important decisions. Let's try that now." Tina agreed. "Okay. What if you hadn't known Jeff since kindergarten and he didn't know everything about you that he knew? What if you had only met him at the beginning of the school year and he knew you were transgendered and had asked you to the prom anyway?" "In other words, if things had been completely different than they were?" "Bingo!" she said, laughing. Then she turned serious. "In the limo, would you have kissed him?" "Yes, if he was nice." "Would you have let him touch your breasts?" Tine thought back to the cruise and Doug and was about to answer, "Maybe". But then she realized that she had only allowed Doug to become more intimate with her after spending whole days together. "On a first date? No. Not even if it were a prom." Dr. Fleming had that "I'm waiting" smile. "I'll think about it," Tina said at last. "Good. While you're at it, think about this. Are you really still confused over whether you are sexually attracted to boys or girls?" Tina slowly shook her head. Dr. Fleming took both her hands. "I'm very glad. I know how difficult that was to sort out. But that, too, will make it much easier for you in dating situations." She walked home from the doctor's office feeling lighter than she had in a long time. Maybe the prom was a good idea. The idea of going shopping for gowns, having her hair and nails done, having a night out - it really would put a nice finishing touch on a year that had been very difficult for a number of reasons. Of course, the one person she suddenly realized she wanted to go to the prom with was out of the question for so many reasons. "Why am I always coming up against the word 'impossible'?" she asked aloud. Her heart replied that the first "impossible" had been to dress like a girl, but that had proved not to be so impossible after all. Another "impossible" had been getting her family to accept the way she viewed herself, and that had turned out to be very possible indeed. Maybe this wasn't so impossible, after all. But then she remembered what she had told Gayle about the search for her true self's sexual orientation having been so hurtful to others. And this time, she knew she would never be able to forgive herself if she hurt the other person. Over dinner, she told Marjorie and Barbara about her decision and how the day had gone. After an evening of getting caught up on her schoolwork and touching base with the other editors on the paper, the only chore that remained before going to bed was to check the TV news. # "Good evening, and welcome to the News at Ten. Suffolk County police today made two arrests in connection with the gruesome suicide last week in Oak Manor, Long Island. Richard Hall, the father of the troubled teen, and Dr. Morton Collier, the practitioner who was treating Jeremy Hall, were arrested for their actions which police believe pushed the boy into committing suicide. Our Jonathan Kolb was at Suffolk County Police headquarters." Tina grabbed her cell and immediately called Gayle: "Turn on the news now!" "A police spokeswoman provided the first details of the gruesome suicide to be released to the public since a fellow student's desperate phone call led to emergency responders being sent to the scene. The troubled teen, who his brother, Steven, has since revealed suffered from Gender Identity Disorder, was found dressed in women's clothing having committed a form of ritual suicide known as 'hara-kiri', in which samurai warriors once disemboweled themselves. A note was found near the boy's body in which he wrote, 'I'm forbidden to be who I truly am and I cannot be who they are forcing me to be. I am too weak to fight. I do not deserve to live.' "Police have evidence, including a full and detailed statement from the victim's older brother, that upon discovering Jeremy's desire to crossdress, his father forced him into a discredited form of treatment called Reparative Therapy, which certain religious groups claim can 'cure' Gender Identity Disorder and Homosexuality through a variety of techniques that the American Psychiatric Association has denounced as aversive and harmful, and which advocates say lead to an extremely high rate of suicides. Dr. Collier, the practitioner who was also arrested, is believed to have destroyed some of his treatment files, but police say they found more than enough evidence to document his use of Reparative Therapy with Jeremy and to support the criminal charges now pending. Back to you, Jack." "Meanwhile, at Oak Manor High School, students, teachers and administrators gathered this morning to hold a memorial service for Jeremy Hall." The picture on the screen showed the outside of the school. A few moments later, Ms. Barnes was on the screen in her office. "It was a somber and serious gathering," she said. "Not everyone may have understood what was going on with Jeremy, but I think they all saw one of their own suffering. People in such circumstances need to be able to support one another, and I'm very proud to say that our students and teachers did exactly that. It's often said that children can be cruel, but it's also true that they can be wonderfully kind and thoughtful, and I am so proud of our students and staff today." The anchorman was back on screen. "Unfortunately, not everyone agrees. Alfred Gardner, president of the Oak Manor school board, said that the board was appalled that the school had decided to proceed with a memorial service of its own, when the family had decided that a service of any kind was inappropriate." Gardner appeared on the screen. "The most important thing here," he said, "was to support the wishes of the family. However the students or teachers felt was entirely secondary to what the family wanted done, or, in this case, not done. In my view, this is a serious breach of the trust that should exist between parents and their school principal." Ms. Barnes was next. "The family was and is free to do what they will, to have a funeral or not. I might be personally repulsed by a family that wouldn't want a child lovingly remembered, but that's their choice. However, we also have the right to do what we think is appropriate, as long as we do not force our choice on the family. "No one from the family was forced to attend a service they didn't want to attend. At the same time, our school community got the sense of closure it needed. We sometimes look back and second-guess our decisions, but I can honestly say I have no second thoughts about this one." The anchorman was back. "The matter is not finished. The Oak Manor school board will meet in an emergency session tomorrow night to consider terminating Ms. Barnes' tenure as principal at Oak Manor High School." Tina was already on the phone. First was Gayle. They would rip four paragraphs from the school board story as written and include new copy about this. "But the proofs are ready to be run," Gayle said. "Doesn't matter. They're gunning for Barnes which means they are gunning for us. We can't not include this, so go!" Next was Ms. Gunderson, who was already shaken by the news of the school board meeting. When Tina told her of the revised plan, she was hesitant. If they waited and the school board pushed Barnes out, the paper would never see the light of day. "If they push her out, we won't be able to get it out before she's gone, anyway. The meeting is tomorrow night." "So, this could all be for nothing." "No. We'll do it underground if we have to. We're not losing this!" One by one, she called the editors and apprised them of the changes. Every one of them promised that if they had to go underground, they would help with the costs. She had just finished the last call, with Brad, when the phone rang. It was after eleven o'clock, so she looked at caller ID before answering. It was Rick Hayden. "I've been trying to get you for the last forty minutes," he said. "I guess you already know." She told him about the plans for the paper. "Great, but we got more immediate problems. We have to pack that meeting tomorrow night. This is going to make the LGBT meeting look like a picnic." "What makes you say that?" "Don't you get it? They didn't call this meeting to discuss anything. This is a planned lynching; they're using the memorial as an excuse to force Barnes out. Can you meet a bunch of us in the cafeteria at eight tomorrow morning?" "I'll be there." # Marjorie drove Tina, Meredith and Agnes Bennett to the school for the school board meeting. They got there early and were stunned to see a huge crowd already gathered, parents and students alike. A small coterie of demonstrators had gathered with signs, much like the meeting that had addressed the LGBT group. There were three vans from television stations there, and cameramen were already recording the activity. The demonstrators were trying to get their attention, but there were only a few desultory shots taken of them. Tina saw a reporter she recognized from Newsday go over to speak with them briefly. A group of parents, mostly men, clustered together as the demonstrators started to chant. As Tina and the others approached, they saw this group walk out toward the demonstrators. A group of police officers formed a barrier between the two groups. "Any of you have a child in this school?" one of the fathers yelled. There was no response, but the chanting petered out. "Well, do you?" he yelled louder. There was still no response, and he turned to the others. "Imagine that!" he yelled. "They got no kids here, but they think they can tell us what to do!" "Sir," a police sergeant said, "why don't you and the others go back to your meeting? We got this." "None of their goddamned business!" one of the other fathers yelled. "Bunch of crackpots!" "Just move inside, sir, please." Rick came out and found Tina and Meredith. "Come on," he said, gesturing to the two mothers. "I can get you inside. This is going to get ugly fast." As they walked along, he turned to Tina. She was wearing a dress with a flared skirt and heels. "You look gorgeous," he said. A police officer escorted them in through a side entrance. Just inside, Tina saw Steve Hall, who came over and hugged her. "I've already given in a letter to the board," he said, "telling them that I applaud the school for holding the service in Jeremy's memory and that the decision not to have a funeral was not unanimous within the family. I also gave a copy to the press." The main doors had just opened as they got inside, and they could see the auditorium already filling up. There were two rows of reserved seating, and they sat down there. "They should have used the gym," Rick said. "I warned them." Before long, the auditorium was completely full and stiflingly hot. Lines of standees stretched all the way down to the front row on both sides and they were standing five rows deep across the back. One of the TV stations set up impromptu monitoring stations in the school lobby with screens and loudspeakers, and spectators pushed and shoved as they jockeyed for position. "Rick, did you make sure Gayle got in?" Tina asked. "Yep. She got a press pass. I saw her. She's already here." Alf Gardner peaked out from between the closed curtains up on the stage. Someone spotted him and a chant of "Gardner must go!!" immediately rose up. He quickly disappeared. When the board finally came out, there was a smattering of applause that was quickly drowned out by boos, which in turn were replaced by six minutes of chanting, "Vote them out! Vote them out!" From the sound of it, the students began the chants but the adults quickly took them up. "This meeting will come to order," Gardner said into his microphone. "Only when you're voted out!" called a student voice from the back. And the chanting started up again. This time Gardner gaveled repeatedly for silence. "If order is not maintained," he said, "the board will convene this meeting in private and the room will be cleared." A man in his forties wearing a trim business suit stood up. "In which case, sir, we have attorneys standing by ready to seek an injunction against any action you subsequently take. The law requires school board meetings to be open, and open they shall be!" A loud cheer followed. Rick stood up and gestured the crowd to settle down. The students immediately grew quiet and the adults followed suit. The action was not lost on Gardner. "Thank you," he said. "I think it is in all our interests to proceed in as orderly a fashion as possible. I ask all of you to cooperate. "This meeting is called to address concerns of the board regarding certain actions taken by Elaine Barnes, principal of Oak Manor High School. We will begin by asking Ms. Barnes to answer any questions the board may wish to put to her. Ms. Barnes, do you wish to make an opening statement?" She stood and approached the microphone that had been placed at the head of the center aisle. "Only this," she said. "In everything I have done as principal, my goal has been to do the best we can to help our students grow and learn in the most difficult and challenging times in our history. If your goal in questioning me is to learn more about my decision-making, to understand it and to gain insight into the problems our children wrestle with every day, then I welcome that opportunity. If, on the other hand, your goal is to somehow shame me or harass me into declaring that I have not always acted in their best interests, then I suggest we not waste the time, because as I look back over my tenure at Oak Manor, from the perspective of putting the students first, I stand by every single decision I have made and will defend them." The students stood in an ovation and the parents followed, leaving only a smattering of adults here and there still sitting. Rick leaned over to Tina. "Now, we know who the outsiders are," he said and winked. Mr. Paretta opened the questioning, asking about any indications of problems that might have prompted preventive action. "Mr. Paretta, my reports over the past year detailed on at least eight different occasions efforts by this administration to engage the Department of Protective Services to intervene in the Hall case. However, because there was no established place for the boy to go to address problems of this nature, we were limited to overt acts performed by his parents or at their behest." "What kind of 'established place' would you have suggested?" Paretta pressed. She stared at him in mock amazement. "I did more than suggest, sir. I gave permission to the students to establish a support group for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered students, young Mr. Hall having been a member of the last. This board, succumbing to prejudice, decided to revoke that action." There was sustained applause. "Ms. Barnes," Gardner said, "I see no reason to go over an action this board took over a year ago." "Of course you don't. Especially when we now have definitive proof not only of the need for such an organization, but the infrastructure of support that would have gone with it." "I understand that students continued to meet in defiance of this board's decision," Paretta scoffed. "So, I don't take your point." "Well, let me put it this way. Had the organization been permitted to remain as part of the school's structure, then the administration could have taken action in a number of additional ways. We could have made a referral to support organizations that this board has likewise banned as 'inappropriate'. As it turns out, the only thing 'inappropriate' around here is the level of competence of some of the members of this board." The cheering forced Gardner to gavel for order, and he looked as if he might lose his temper. "I must say, Ms. Barnes, that you are not doing anything to help your cause here." "On the contrary, Mr. Gardner. For myself, I now have nothing to lose. But if this board gives me the opportunity to point out its total lack of competence and judgment, then I have a moral obligation to do so. I owe it to these students and their parents." Another ovation was triggered, and this time the outsiders tried to compete, holding up their signs and trying to start chants of their own. People were coming close to blows. "Ms. Barnes," Gardner said, "neither you nor I can say anything about what Jeremy Hall was thinking when he took his own life. Neither can anyone else in this room." Tina stood up. "Who are you?" Gardner snapped. Tina stepped over to the microphone as Ms. Barnes stepped away. "TinaMarie Yates," she replied. Gardner nodded until he recognized the name, prompting a deep scowl. "Oh. Yes. Mister Yates." "Really?" she asked, crinkling up her nose the way Meredith loved. "I look like a guy to you?" Laughter started rippling through the crowd. "Maybe you need to slow down, sir." Gardner continued to slam his gavel for order, but the crowd didn't quiet down until Tina resumed speaking. "You are wrong on the other thing, too, Mr. Gardner. I do have a very good idea of what Jeremy was thinking, because I was the last person he communicated with before he died. I'm the one who got the e-mail and I'm the one who called 9-1-1." A hush fell on the auditorium. "And I'll let you in on another little secret, Mr. Gardner, you and all your buddies up there. You may recall the night you voted to ban the LGBT group that I talked about a boy who was transgendered and had told me he wanted to die. That boy was Jeremy Hall." The collective gasp was audible. "I also told you that night that if you did this, students would die. You told me in all arrogance that what happened at Stevenson could never happen here. Well, what happened here was a lot worse, because we had the means in our grasp to prevent it and you crushed it. "You, sir, have blood on your hands. Instead of looking to fire Ms. Barnes, you ought to be asking her what you can do to help. And you ought to have the guts to stand up and say, 'We were wrong last spring' and reinstate the LGBT support group." She turned away from the microphone as the crowd gave her an ovation. Rick Hayden stood and was making his way to the microphone while it continued, pausing to give Tina a hug. There was a surge from the crowd on the near side of the auditorium. "Down!!" he yelled as he pulled her to the floor. At the same moment, someone cried, "Gun!" There was a loud report. Screams followed. Police officers rushed up the aisles as people crouched down in their seats. Tina was on the floor, with Rick on top of her. "You okay?" he asked. "Yeah." "He's getting away!" someone screamed. An authoritative voice sounded over the loudspeakers. "Everyone please remain calm. Stay as low to the ground as you can and let the police do their work." Tense moments passed. "Rick," Tina called. "Where's my mom? Is she okay?" "She's fine. So's Meredith and her mom. Just keep down." "They got the bastard!" someone finally yelled. There was a tepid cheer but no one got up. A moment later, the same authoritative voice came over the loudspeaker: "We have the gunman in custody. Everyone please relax." Rick got up and pulled Tina off the floor with him. "Mr. President," Paretta said in a shaky voice, "I move we adjourn." Cries of "Seconded!" were quickly followed by the sound of people rushing for the exits, none faster than the board members who fled backstage. Nineteen The gunman turned out to be a resident of the town, a sympathizer of various causes - bitterly anti-immigrant, anti-gay, anti-tax and anti- education. A witness would later testify that she had heard him say, just before launching himself forward, "That's enough from that little whore." Meredith and Alyssa stayed over that night. Agnes Bennett stayed, too, keeping Marjorie company. "Mom's a lot more shaken up than I am," Tina said. And she was. But not much. Marjorie wanted her to stay home from school the next day, but Tina knew there was too much to do. She did agree to let Marjorie drive her to and from school, and was glad she did when they arrived at school and emerged from the car to cheers from a number of students gathered in front. "See, Mom, I'm among friends." "Call me when you need me to pick you up," Marjorie replied. For Tina, the day was constant activity. The newspaper team met before homeroom. Gayle had shortened her original piece to make room for a second article on the meeting, and they agreed to meet after school to rework the galleys and put the paper to bed. There was little time for classes. The first time she was pulled out was because Detective Russo had come to see her, looking for any possible linkage of the shooting to the case involving Jeremy's father. "Has it hit you, yet?" the detective asked her. "I mean the fact that someone took a shot at you." "I think it was just more of a random shot accompanied by a rant that may or may not have been aimed at me. Although I will feel better when I know he's locked up." Russo laughed and said, "No worries there. The crazy bastard can't keep his mouth shut. My partner, Dave, thinks if we let him talk enough, he might confess to the Lindbergh kidnapping. He thinks you're hot, by the way." "Who?" "My partner, Dave." "Does he know I'm transgendered?" "Tina, honey, this morning everyone on the Eastern Seaboard knows you're transgendered. The thing is, at some point it will suddenly hit you that someone actually may have wanted to kill you, coherently or not. When it does, call me." "Sure. Why?" "Because I've been through it." Tina started to reply, but froze. No words would come. She started to cry, and Detective Lisa Russo held her like she was her own daughter. "I have to...hold it together," Tina said, trying to calm down. "Too much....too important..." The detective held her tightly as she wept. "It's all right, honey. Let it all out." "Why all the hate?!" Gradually, she ran out of steam. The detective kissed her on the head. "You'll be all right, now, Tina. You've got what it takes. You do; I've never seen anyone, male or female, with the onions you've got." # By third period, she had recovered her equilibrium and returned to class, but Ms. Gunderson kept dropping by to keep tabs on her. She always disguised it as little problems with the paper, but Tina guessed what she was doing. The third time she popped up, just before her last class of the day, she just thanked her and hugged her. When she walked into the newspaper office after the last class, Gayle was already there, along with the rest of the editorial staff. Everyone asked her if she was okay. "I am now, although it's been kind of a rough day. Thanks for asking." "I'm still not clear on something," Lyle said. "Where does all this leave Barnes?" Gayle had spent all of her study hall time trying to get the answer. Gardner's office wasn't returning any calls, and neither was Paretta's. "Call Colleen Pratt," Tina said. "She was one of the three votes against banning the LGBT group. The other two were Rory Craig and Abraham Gill. But go for Colleen first, because if Gardner and his buddies lose the election, she'll probably be the next president." They went over the four pages that did not involve the two school board stories. Everything looked good. "Just one thing, Tina," Brad said. "You still haven't written an editorial. We're holding space for five hundred words for you." "That'll do." Gayle got through to Colleen Pratt, who was happy to take her call. She explained that no action was going to be taken by the board on Barnes between now and the school board election in May. "By any chance," Pratt asked, "is Tina Yates there?" Tina got on the phone. "Are you all right, dear?" she asked. Tina assured her she was fine. "I want to thank you. Whenever anyone talks down about today's kids, I talk about you and your courage. I promise you that if I'm on the school board next year, I will push to reinstate your group. I know you won't be here, but I thought you'd like to know." "I appreciate that. Thank you." # Editorial - Why We Fight At a time when teens nationwide are dismissed as mindless, trivial and self-absorbed, the students of this school have distinguished themselves as intelligent, focused and genuinely caring. They cared when they came to the memorial for Jeremy Hall. They cared when they came to stand up to the school board and outsiders trying to dictate what we should do and who we should be. This issue of The Clarion is largely devoted to the upcoming school board election, addressing numerous issues that are important to the current and future students of our town. It is our hope that it may be of use to our parents when they go to vote. And they'd better vote, because the stakes have never been higher. We live in a time of ruthless battling and deeply troubling contradictions, when nothing is what it seems to be. Those who call themselves defenders of individual rights in one breath seek to deny us those very rights in the next. Those who claim adherence to a loving God in one breath spew hatred in His name in the next. They see us - and students in general - as empty hard drives onto which they can write whatever codes they wish, confident that their instructions will then be carried out indefinitely. They seek to limit our exercise of freedom to ways in which they approve. They seek to limit our choices to those that they themselves would make. Those choices will affect everything that comes after. They will shape the kinds of families we'll have, the way we'll raise our own children. They hope, they pray, they are certain, that they will thus lock into place choice making beyond the horizons of time, and whether they do so out of faith, profit motive or even just mean-spiritedness, it is not our interests that guide them. Even if you never read The Clarion, please read this issue. Please take it home. Don't just leave it for your parents to read; talk to them about the election, about the issues, about the things that are most important to you and your life. And think about it. Do you want to spend your life on a narrow path? Working a job that's "good enough"? Watching crap on TV, listening to crap music and playing hour upon hour of pointless video games while someone else cleans up on it? Do you want to risk losing your freedoms because you never exercised them wisely? If you think it's just a school board election, you couldn't be more wrong. Everything that follows will be the result of what we do now. As the great Edward R. Murrow used to say, "Good night and good luck." # Ms. Barnes called the issue the finest piece of student journalism she'd ever seen. Everywhere Tina went, kids stopped her and told her they had taken it right home to their parents to read. "I hope you read it first," was her stock answer. Newsday asked permission to quote portions it in an article they decided to do on the question of the effectiveness of local school boards on Long Island, and to reprint her editorial in full. Alf Gardner went on a local radio talk show to denounce the school board story as "immature, incomplete and ill-conceived". The New York Times praised the issue as "excellent elementary journalism" and offered Tina a summer internship. Her first reaction was to turn it down, knowing she would be working at the summer camp again. "But this is an opportunity that most college students can only dream of," she was told. "Don't you at least want to think about it?" "I'd love to. But I have a very compelling reason. His name is Brandon." "Your boyfriend?" "No. A little boy with autism who spoke to me last summer." "At least take some time to think about it." She said she would. "I think," Meredith said at lunch one day, "that we've lost her to the world of celebrity." "I don't think so," Alyssa replied. "If that were the case, she wouldn't be hesitating about the summer gig at the Times." Tina waved them away, but then saw Alyssa's sweet smile. "But," Alyssa said, "I do think we need to pull her back down to earth to tend to something that has very little time left and has been suffering from inattention - her high school social life." Plans were proceeding for the senior prom. Karen would be taking Meredith, Deanna would be going with Paul, and Jeff had asked Emily Stone, who had endured an excruciating year following Bruno's bragging the year before. "Thanks, Lyss," Tina said, employing the pet name she had recently hit upon for her friend. "But I'm sure we've already missed that bus." "There's always another bus," Meredith said as the first bell for the next class period rang. It was after school when Tina met up with Alyssa for the walk home that Alyssa sprang her idea. "Jack Reddy has asked me to the prom. At first, I was going to say no, but as I had said to you a while back, I thought we really needed to do something nice and sweet to sort of save the year, which has been pretty dramatic, you have to admit." Tina agreed, if somewhat reluctantly. "It turns out he has a cousin, Sean, a few months older who lives in Queens. Jack asked me if I knew anyone for whom Sean might be a nice date for the prom, and I immediately thought of you." They walked a short distance. "You're not afraid?" Tina asked. "Terrified. But I really think that, unless he suddenly changes, Jack is a safe bet. He's on the quiet side and kind of shy, and I get the impression his cousin is, too. When I mentioned you as a possible date, he said that would be cool." "I don't know, Lyss." "You still flirt, you know. You still love when a boy looks at you with that expression that says you've caught his interest." Tina smiled, in spite of herself. She knew it was true. "Why don't we go out on a double date and see if it looks like a good fit?" # "Good evening, and welcome to News at Ten. Suffolk County police announced today that they had obtained new evidence in the case of the suicide of Jeremy Hall. Erased files recovered from the hard drive of Dr. Morton Collier show that, in addition to the aversive therapies he practiced, he encouraged Jeremy to become involved in some kind of warrior code. Further evidence shows that Jeremy's father, Richard Hall, purchased several books on ancient samurai of Japan and their bushido code. "Jeremy hall killed himself by committing 'seppuku', the bushido code's prescribed form of suicide for disgraced samurai. Moreover, the declaration found next to Jeremy's body made it clear that this was his intention. Prosecutors intend to push for an early court date. "In a related story, results are in from local school board elections, and the most notable result is in Oak Manor, where board president Alfred Gardner has been defeated by a large margin, along with his entire slate, including three incumbents. Colleen Pratt, also an incumbent, was re-elected and is widely believed to be the most likely choice to be the next school board president. Two other members, Rory Craig and Abraham Gill, were also re-elected. "Gardner was seen as a contributing cause in the tragic death of a fifteen-year-old boy who was transgendered, as he had cast the deciding vote to ban a school-based support group for LGBY students. Mr. Gardner said in a recent interview that he had regarded that vote as his finest achievement. Apparently, the citizens of Oak Manor disagreed." # The Monday following their double date, a date on which Sean never made reference to Tina as transgendered, never said anything offensive or inappropriate, and gave her only the most innocent of goodnight kisses after she had asked him to escort her to the prom, she was approached by Eric Raymond. Eric was a fellow senior and a member of the LGBT group. He had been dressing since early childhood, and had asked Tina a lot of questions about her transition. He was clearly upset, and so she walked with him after school. "I think I made a mistake last night," he said. "We were having dinner, and my folks were talking about the whole thing with Jeremy. My mom was saying how awful it all was, and that a child should never be made to feel he can't go to his parents about anything." Uh oh, she thought. "I didn't say anything. I just kind of stared at the plate. And she started asking me if I ever felt that way, felt like I had to hide my problems from them. "I still didn't say anything, just kind of shrugged, but then my dad goes into his 'good TV dad' mode and says, 'yes, son, if there's anything you ever need to tell us, you should always feel you can, no matter what it is.' "So, I finally said that if they really wanted to know, I had known Jeremy and he was really a great kid, and we all knew how he wanted to be a girl and no one thought any the worse of him about it. Mom said, 'well, of course they shouldn't.'" "And so you told them?" He nodded. "They freaked. Dad started going, 'Oh, shit! Oh, shit!' and Mom started crying. I just said, 'glad I can come to you with anything' and went up to my room." He had gotten up early and left the house that morning before anyone was up. "What do I do, now? I can't take it back." Although it was still early April, it was very warm, with a soft breeze. Tina still loved the sensation of a soft, warm breeze swirling around her legs under her skirt. "You could," she said, "but it would cut the subject off forever. And forever is a long time." "Do you ever regret it? Having made the change, I mean." What could she say? There had been things that had been so hard, she thought her heart would break. Relations with her family, even with the efforts of her younger cousins, were still difficult. "The important thing is that my Mom and sister were always on my side. That guy who tried to take a shot at me? My mom wrote to the district attorney demanding they seek the death penalty, and she's been opposed to capital punishment her whole life." He laughed at that. "You're a really good friend, Tina." He stopped in his tracks, started to say something but said, "No, I can't ask you that." She assured him that he could ask her anything. "Would you come home with me and talk to my mother? I really think if she met you and talked to you, she'd understand better." She agreed, and it was not a far walk to the house. On the way, he told her about the rest of his family - an older sister away at college, whose clothes he had first tried when he was five, and a sister in middle school who was so into herself she hardly noticed him at all. "Was she there when you had the conversation last night?" "No, she was at a friend's." The house was a typical post-war Cape Cod, built out with double dormers in the 1960s, redone with brickface in the 1990s and then extended in the back and front with massive columns in the front in the early 2000s. A leased Lexus sat in the driveway.Sandra Raymond was a not-quite-petite woman in her mid-forties with somewhat ample hips who looked like she was fighting a constant battle against weight gain. Her hair was dirty blonde, worn in a short shag cut. "Mom," Eric said, "I want you to meet a friend of mine from school. This is Tina." "Nice to meet you, Ms. Raymond," Tina said. Sandra was a little taken aback as she smiled at Tina. "I didn't realize you had a girl, Eric." "She's not my girl, Mom. She's just a really good friend." Ms. Raymond invited her to come and sit down in the living room. "We're in a lot of classes together," Tina said. "And we talk a lot." "She knows, Mom." Sandra's face fell. "I don't think we should..." Eric interrupted and explained that he had asked Tina over because she understood his situation. When his mother started to protest, he said, "Mom, you have to accept that this is who I am. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, and you saw what happened to Jeremy Hall when they tried to force him to change." "I wasn't suggesting..." she stammered. "Ms. Raymond," Tina broke in. "I think the real reason Eric wanted you to meet me is because I, too, am transgendered." "I don't believe it! You're a girl!" "Thank you very much. You don't know how good hearing that always makes me feel." "But you have breasts!" "The result of three years of ongoing hormone therapy, plus some help from the family gene pool. I'm lucky, because my mother fully supports me. She supported me long before she understood me, or what gender issues were all about, and she did so even in the face of anger and shame from our family." Tina reached into her purse and took out a small notebook and a pen. She wrote on the first sheet of the notebook and tore out the page. "I want to give you these. Marjorie Yates is my mother, and that's her phone number. When I get to know kids in school with gender issues and they decide to come out to their parents, I give them my mom's number to call so they can get an adult's perspective. It really helps." "That's very nice of your mom." Then her expression changed. "Yates. Why does that ring a bell?" "Mom," Eric said, "this is Tina Yates. She's the girl who has spoken at school board meetings, who..." "The one that crackpot tried to shoot?!" Tina smiled and nodded. Sandra looked stricken, and Tina continued. "Some people get very worked up about us, especially boys who want to be girls. They can't understand why, if nature made us male, she didn't also make us comfortable being males. But the fact is, she didn't. "And so we dress in secret, have femme names and live for those moments when we can indulge our feminine natures without ridicule or harassment." She waited while Sandra absorbed all that. "So, I really do hope you call my mom. The second number is Dr. Rita Fleming, my endocrinologist. She has managed my transition through hormones, and I think she knows more about transgendered people and their issues than just about anyone. If you talk to her, she can give you the medical view on dealing with gender issues, based in WPATH - World Professional Association for Transgender Health." She went on to explain that each transgendered person was different, so what worked best for one might not be the best thing for another. "I started on hormones before my own puberty had progressed very far, so my male secondary characteristics never developed much, and my female characteristics did, um, pretty well." Sandra agreed. "The third person is Amelia Gunderson, the teacher at school who has supported our efforts to establish a support group for LGBT kids. She is really great, and has been there for me from the beginning. She also has a whole list of resources for transgendered kids and their families. "We're going to try again before school is out, but we're going to do it a little differently, aligning ourselves with the Gay-Straight Alliance, as a couple of other schools on Long Island have done. Oak Manor is a good school, and the kids have grown very supportive over the past couple of years." "I think you may have had something to do with that, Tina," Sandra said. Tina turned to Eric. "Why don't you tell your mom your femme name?" she suggested. "Erica," he said. "What else?" Sandra asked with a grin. She grew serious and asked, "How old were you when you started thinking of yourself as Erica?" "Five." She stood and walked to the huge bay window that looked out on the front lawn. Two ten-year-old girls in school uniforms were walking by. "Why didn't you say something?" she asked in a whisper, trying not to cry. "What do you think you would have said?" She continued to stare out the window. "Mom, please call me Erica." She turned and came to him, knelt down, and took his hands in hers, blinking back tears. "Erica," she said, "do you have any idea what life as a woman is really like? Ten percent of us will develop breast cancer, and even if we survive, we lose the one thing that the world uses to measure our womanliness. Despite what you hear about women's rights, we still struggle. "And what about you? Who will you love? How will you love?" "Will you love me, Mom?" The voice was shaking and faint. "Of course I'll love you! You're my child! I'm talking about you, Erica." They hugged each other tightly. "Dad won't understand," Erica said. "We'll talk to him together. And he and I will talk to Tina's mom together. And we'll all talk to Dr. Fleming together." # Marjorie wasn't surprised when Tina told her to expect another call from another parent. And when Erica's mother called two nights later, she talked to her for nearly two hours. As she always did in such cases, Marjorie took the call in her room and closed the door. Tina and Barbara had just finished the cleanup after dinner when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Barbara said. Tina smiled. Ever since the shooting, neither Barbara nor Marjorie had allowed Tina to answer the door. "Hi, Trevor," Barbara said. Then, seeing his expression, she added, "Hey, what's the matter? Come on in." "Is Tina here? Oh...hi, Tina." They invited him into the family room. "Can I get you anything?" Barbara asked. "Got any bourbon?" "Sorry, cuz, you're still underage." "What's wrong?" Tina asked. Trevor stared at the floor. "Vic and Pam are splitting up. Seems Vic has been sleeping with someone else and Pam figured it out." "What does that have to do with you?" Tina asked. Barbara's hand on her knee came a little too late. "The 'someone else' he's been sleeping with is Monica." "Is..." Tina stopped herself. Trevor gave a humorless smile. "Is he the father? Good question. I thought it was weird when Monica told me she was pregnant, because we had only done it once." "Once is all it takes," Barbara said, not unkindly. "Yeah. That's what she said. She also said that the condom I had used must have leaked." "Oh." "What can we do?" Tina asked. "You're doing it. You're listening, and you're not laughing at me. Of course," he added quickly, "I knew you wouldn't. That's why I came in the first place." Tina stood up, walked over to the bookcase in the corner, picked up the wooden chess set and board and brought it over to the cocktail table. "Good idea, Sis," Barbara said. Turning to Trevor, she asked, "Do you want to stay over?" He shook his head. "No, thanks. I'll just take my sweet time getting home." Tina had set the board with the white pieces on his side. He moved his king pawn two spaces forward. She countered by moving hers one space forward. "Since when do you play the French Defense?" he asked, and Tina just smiled. For the next several minutes, no one said anything as the game unfolded. "You know," Trevor said as he pondered the imminent ripping open of his queen-side, "there are times when it feels like you were always like this." "Like what?" He glanced up. "This. Like you were always my cousin, Tina. I can picture holiday gatherings, everyone making a fuss over how pretty you were, making it special because you were the youngest and a girl, besides." She nodded but said nothing.