Joanna
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Being Joanna -01- free porn video
Can George trust Naadiah, who he has just met, enough to forsake a
weekend being Joanna at Dragon*Con to go to Toronto with the promise
that he could transition and always be Joanna?
Being Joanna
A 14 Chapter Fanfic of 'Being Erica' (The CBC TV series that concluded
12/2011)
By Sasha Zarya Nexus
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the
property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot
are the property of the author of this story. The author is in no way
associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously
copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended. .
Part One: George
Many people have few regrets, me, I have tons. By the way the name my
parents stuck me with is George Thomas Wolfe. Horrible, right? They
really must have wanted a boy. What they got was me and I'm not a boy
but I play one on TV (when it's my 15 minutes of fame, right?) and
unfortunately every day of my life. But the name that I really want to
be called is Joanna. One reason that it's infrequent for me to be called
Joanna is that it is infrequent that I have a female gender presentation
and I'm being Joanna..
I'm the one who seemed to peak in high school. While I would never have
been voted most likely to succeed, I could have if only I had made the
right choices. It seems that what ever was best for me, I always did the
opposite. I went to a prestigious college after high school and flunked
out. I had chances to get my life going right after that but I seemed to
keep sabotaging myself.
After I flunked out of college, I went to work at a retail pharmacy. I
still work there as a merchandise manager or a glorified stock clerk. I
know the entire store and have even been trained in house as a pharmacy
assistant but I've always been passed up for even assistant manager much
less manager.
With a less demanding job, longevity gave me plenty of paid time off and
free time that I could depend on. While I could be filling for relief in
at almost any counter in the store, even cosmetician, there were few
times that anything urgent happened in my job. My free time was
plentiful and dependable.
There's no easy way to say this. I'm a Trekkie. Being somewhat of an
'alien' myself I really connected with their 'infinite diversity in
infinite combinations philosophy. That brought me to science fiction
Conventions and the fan club tables. After considering the possibility
of joining a fan club over a period of three years of conventions, I
finally joined one of the Starfleet International ships in Atlanta, the
USS Pleiades.
There were a couple of things that I like about being a member of the
USS Pleiades. First was that it was named for the Seven Sisters . And
second, the captain of the USS Pleiades was a transwoman named Tina. She
knew that even though I was too timid to permanently transition that I
like to cross dress on Halloween and conventions. She's okay with that
and so are the rest of the USS Pleiades crew.
The big convention in Atlanta each year is Dragon*Con and our club
booked a couple of motel rooms for us to stay in during the convention.
However a glitch in booking meant that for this year we were going to
stay at a hotel at the airport. We had transportation to the convention
figured out without driving downtown since we could get a shuttle to get
us to the airport and from the airport We could take MARTA's rapid rail
to the Peachtree Center station where the convention was being held.
I'd gotten dropped off at a MARTA Station and ridden MARTA to the
airport. I had to wait for Tina or Nadine to arrive so I took a seat in
the Delta area to wait for a call to find out where to meet them to go
over to the motel. I'd not been there long with my luggage along side me
including a feminine pink suitcase where Joanna's clothes were packed.
An attractive woman came from the direction of the MARTA station with
short black hair dressed professionally all in white and came right to
the bench where I was seated.
"?May I sit here with you? My name is Naadiah."?"?
"?Yes, of course Naadiah. My name is George, George Thomas Wolfe."?
"?I'm waiting for a call from my partner. She's supposed to be meeting
me here and we are going to be flying back to Toronto together. "
"?That's great. I'm also waiting for a call from the Captain of the USS
Pleiades."?
"?I'm hoping you mean the president of the fan club where you are a
member."?
"Yeah, her name is Tina and she's great. Our ship is going to be staying
together at a motel at the Airport and riding MARTA to Dragon*Con each
day."?
On cue Naadiah's phone rang. "Excuse me please while I take this."?
I was quiet while she talked softly into her phone. While I did not
overhear much, I could tell that the news wasn't good by the way that
Naadiah was frowning. She finished with a smile and then turned back to
me.
"?That was my partner. An emergency has come up and she won't be able to
meet me here. I was looking forward to spending my time with her
today."?
"?How long before your flight?"?
"?Eight hours. Perhaps we might spend some of that together?"?
"?I'd like that, Naadiah. At least until I have to go to my motel. I
certainly will look forward to getting rid of my luggage.."?
"?I'd imagine that you have some interesting stories behind your
luggage, especially that pink suitcase."?
"?That suitcase contains clothes for my alter ego Joanna. I'm a
transwoman so I need chances for female gender expression. This is a
good time for me between Dragon*Con, Halloween and the transgender
convention, Southern Comfort. I've never been strong enough to just let
Joanna out permanently so these times have been what kept me same but as
time goes on it's not enough."?
"?Why do you think that you can't make the breakthrough of letting go of
your male persona?"?
"?Choices that I've made and that have been made for me all have made me
a coward to deal with something even as important to my life as this.
What people think about me is way too important to me . Survival by
attempting to blend in by avoiding those who will use violence towards
someone different. In America, my birth condition isn't taken seriously
in medicine and the treatment we need is only available to those who can
pay full price for it without insurance."?.
< p>"?Can you tell me about some of those choices?"?
"?From early childhood, I knew that I was different but it wasn't until
puberty when my body rebelled against my mind and openly started
displaying male characteristics that it dawned on me that the difference
was that I was really a girl and everyone was trying to cast me in the
role of a boy. I could have expressed those differences but I learned to
get along by going along with the role that they had picked out for me.
Instead of being true to who I was, I covered it up so that I could
avoid ridicule and persecution at home and at school."?
"?And if you had a chance to do it over?"?
"?I would have told them and got it over. I may have had to go further
undercover like what happened later but I would have at least had some
chance before I'd faked it for so long to let them know from an earlier
age that it was real."?
"?Go on."?
"?I learned in Junior High Biology how puberty worked and that there
were others like me who had taken charge of their life and through
hormone replacement and surgery became the people they were inside on
the outside. I was too afraid to initiate telling my parents about who I
truly was for fear of their reaction. Daddy reacted violently when ever
I would slip and my girl self showed. It was easier to put it off than
to face it and the consequences."?
"?So this would have been another chance to tell them earlier instead of
your covering up being revealed. Next?"?
"?The summer before Junior High, I had earned spending money cutting
grass and walked alone to the store 2 miles away and bought a shirt
dress and put it on under my male clothes and walked home. I made the
mistake of washing the dress in the washing machine and my mother
discovered it. I tried to explain that I was really a girl and a girl
was entitled to wear a dress. When Daddy came home he yelled at me for
my 'perversion', forbid me to do it again and then gave me a beating on
my behind with his belt. I wanted to have better explained the realness
of being trans to my parents when they caught me and that not dressing
as a woman would not solve anything but make me search for other outlets
but I just kept quiet."?
"?So a different tact, go after their reaction rather than their
disapproval to mitigate the effect. What else?"?
"?There were times when my own problems and discomforts led me not to
use my female perspective on how girls react to things. I didn't want to
have a relationship with a girl since I was a girl myself. What I failed
to consider is that the non macho way I conducted myself made me very
safe boyfriend material for a girl who was doubting her own self. I wish
that I would have talked with Dee Dee, the Junior High cheerleader,
instead of about her in expressing my discomfort of being the object
ofher public attention by saying hurtful things publicly"?
"?What you really would have liked was for her to see beyond the fa?ade
and still want you to be her girlfriend. Next?"?
"?I would have liked to take the chance to have come out as Joanna to my
Grandmother the summer I spent in the lawnmower shop with my Grandfather
in Brunswick. I'll never get the chance now since all my grandparents
died a few years ago."?
"That must be really tough to never be able to show her who you really
are inside. What else?"?
"?I wish I could have made better use of confessing being trans to my HS
counselor so that I could have been helped. I know that they could do
only so much without getting my parents okay but I would have like to
stretch to the edge what help that they could have given me.
"?You see yourself as not taking full advantage of the limited help that
you received, but one must be ready to act on that help and we can't do
that until we are ready to take even bolder steps. Go on?"?
"?I'm ashamed of having taken the hard bible thumping line with a girl
wanting to be chaplain for a club. It was all about Dad's voice in my
head quoting that scripture about women being silent in church. That's
nonsense of course and when properly interpreted it was clear that Paul
was giving that as an example instead of a hard and fast law. In the
giving the example itself he was breaking a hard and fast law where the
women could not be present in church at all. Above all I should have
support Beth knowing I was really a girl too."?
"?Definitely! Next?"?
"?I had a chance to blow the lid of the secrecy about my being female,
when I was discovered buying a dress by an unknown sibling. I should
have told both of my brothers no matter which of them was the one to see
me the truth in the open. Keeping secrets has poisoned our family
(keeping it in the family) and it has become a wedge that broke us
farther and farther apart."?
"?Secrets like that have been known as symptoms of a dysfunction. They
let shame multiply and become a great obstacle to healing the hurts that
lie within. Is there more?"?
"?I wish that I would have moved out of my parents house once I had a
job so that I would not have had that commitment to keep things under
cover. Without the having to do things in secret I could have pursued
being whole."?
"?Just making the hard decision to leave the security of being in with
your parents would have signaled that you were ready to do other things
that were difficult for you to do. Others?"?
"?The time that I spent away from home in college where they were not
going to immediately report me to my parent that I was truant or
skipping class. I should have realized that completing college would
have given me options to have escaped my parents influence for good.
With that escape from bondage, I could have the means to deal with the
trans issue for real instead of hiding it in fantasy. Instead I skipped
class just rebelling against what I was supposed to be doing.
"?Any other regrets about what you did in college?"?
'I wish that I would have only used the computer in my school work and
not let it interfere with College. When I learned to program, I loved to
play games and I loved to program games. Then I met Richmond who was a
games programmer for the Textile Engineering's programs they let High
School students play to get them interested in Textile Engineering
instead of a prestigious major like EE.
"?But that wasn't all?"?
"?I spent as much time I should have been in class programming games as
I was off wondering about aimlessly in search of knowledge a gender
therapist would have at her disposal. If only I would have chosen to go
to class instead of skipping class to do research being trans on my own
instead of getting a gender therapist.
"?But you did find counsel of a sort?"?
"?I would have liked to have chosen a real therapist in college instead
of 'Suzy the Psychic'. She was sympathetic and could see into my inner
being to know and accept me as a female. But she had problems of her own
and she just was not equipped to aid me in my journey towards wholeness.
She was just a detour on that road.
"?Was there anything else during College?"?
"?I wish that I would have never gotten involved with Mags romantically.
I guess what I really wanted was to as a girl be a girlfriend. I was
never attracted to her sexually but I got really attached by our
closeness. It was only on false pretense that courting her would first
throw others including my parents off by my appearing to take the role
expected of a male and in the back of my mind I held out some hope that
it might cure me being a transgirl even though now I know that that's
not possible."?
"?But that was not the end of it?"?
"?Eventually, she figured out that our relationship was not real, even
though she did not reveal me as being really a girl too and she broke up
with me. Instead of learning that I should not court a girl on false
pretence I got involved with Thea on the rebound from my breakup from
Mags. I finally had her end it too when I confessed to her that I felt
like I was a former transgirl and that I had been cured. She dropped me
as a result of my confession. I know now that it was a false confession
since I know now that no one ever gets over being a transwoman.
"?Anything else?"?
"?I wish that I had confessed sooner to my pharmacist friend about my
desire to take hormones and to pursue getting help to transition from
that point. Instead of destroying the out of date hormone samples in the
stockroom, I self medicated knowing that even with their not having full
potency the drugs still worked only a little weaker than their printed
strengths. It was the best of times since it terminated my already
suspended male puberty and sent me into a female puberty. I had all the
signs but I ran out of my supply so my changes stopped.
"?That must have been distressing for you but even the strain of
stopping suddenly did not get you to publicly seek the means to
transition?"?
"?Not to this day. I have to express myself but if I do so in ways like
Dragon*Con, it's been enough so that I have not reached the crisis that
I understand is coming where I won't be able to live a lie. By waiting
till then a lot of people in my situation just commit suicide. I'd like
a chance to make it easier for me to do the right thing without doing it
in front of so many disapproving eyes."?
"?George / Joanna Wolfe, would you like to change your life? In the
middle of difficulty lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein "
"?Yes. Yes I really would, Naadiah. But how can I do that?"?
"?You admit that you are in a dead end job which you could pick up the
equivalent anywhere. Your birth family shuns you. You have some nice
acquaintances but no real friends. And where you are now with the people
who do know you, you are too afraid to transition. Even if you were to
transition the medical system makes it very difficult to get the full
treatment you'll need to lead a normal life. So drop everything and come
with me to Toronto. I'll get my partner's ticket issued for you. You can
get a passport with a same day ticket, before the flight. I'll help you
in Toronto get a job and a place to stay. All you have to do is let go
of your life here"?.
"?What if I get to Toronto and even with the change of venue and promise
of medical support, I still can't transition?"?
"?Even allowing your self to hit rock bottom in the attempt will be
progress instead of playing it safe. Here in Atlanta, the phoenix rising
from the ashes is a symbol you are familiar. In Toronto if all else
fails you could be that phoenix, Joanna."?
"?So it is to be a fresh start?. Leave now with just what I have packed?
Leave Dragon*Con behind, quit my job, cancel my room agreement, have
someone do a yard sale and sell or donate all my stuff? Isn't that a bit
extreme?"?
"?How are you going to face your challenges, with having an easy
escape?"?
"?Naadiah, I'll do it. I'll call Tina to tell her, I won't be attending
Dragon*Con. Maybe Tina will agree to help me sell my stuff out of the
room I have been renting and sell my car. I'll call and tell my house
mate that I'm moving out immediately. I'll call and tell my work that
I'm quitting."?
"?Right, George. I feel that everything I need to get the ticket changed
is on your ID. Please let me borrow it?"?
"?Of course."? I pulled out my wallet, extracted my ID, and handed it to
Naadiah.
"?Thank you, George. While you watch our luggage, I'm going to see about
getting this other ticket changed into your name . Once that is done we
can check our luggage and see about getting you the documents you'll
need in order to get through security and on the plane with me."?
"?Okay, Naadiah. Thanks."?
Naadiah left to go to the Delta service counter and I got out my phone
and began to make some calls. The toughest one would be to Tina who came
the closest I had of having a friend.
"?Hi Tina, this is George. I'm not going to attend Dragon*Con and
instead I'm going to fly to Toronto with this lady that I just met,
Naadiah for free. She's promised to help me get a job and a place to
stay there. With no one there knowing me and being able to become
eligible for medical help the only obstacle to my transitioning will be
me."?
"?Are you sure you can trust her, Jo Jo? Are you ready to just up and go
like that?"?
"?For the first time in my life, I believe that I really am ready.
Listen, come and meet her and talk with her. If you get a bad vibe off
her then I'll cut my losses and stay, if you don't will you sell or
donate my stuff here in my room and sell my car and send me the money?"?
"?I'd hate for you to quit your job and cancel your room anyway but
you'll have Dragon*Con to get them back or find others. Okay, I'll meet
her and if I get the same vibe from her that you do then I'll gladly
sell your stuff and send you the proceeds."?
"?Thanks so much Tina, you are a true sister to me. We may be in the
International Terminal by the time that you get here. Just call either
when you get here or if you can't make it within the next 4 hours. I'll
hold up going through security till then."?
"?Okay, Jo Jo. Checking on you won't take long and I have to be at the
airport anyway to get to the motel. I'll be able to be there long before
your deadline but I'm not sure when yet. I'll call you when I get to the
airport. Bye Bye."?
"?Bye Tina, thanks."?
The call to my house mate and to my boss both went thru quicker without
any questions. They both understood that picking up and moving to Canada
was a big adventure. They both let me have a Dragon*Con cooling off
period before the terminations became final. They both asked for an
email after Labor Day weekend letting them know if I really went thru
with it to finalize the terminations.
Naadiah came walking up and handed a ticket to Toronto in my name and my
ID to me. She smiled back as she saw the grin on my face as I accepted
them from her. She also gave me some print outs of instructions for
International flights.
"?Here are your ticket and ID, George. You might like to scan this
document for what you'll need to do to get thru security. Of your
luggage, anything that can't be shipped on the plane , we can mail to my
address in Toronto. You'll want to select what you want as a carry on
and repack it with the things you'll need for the flight and your first
day. If you don't have a personal item pack like in the regulations we
can buy one for you in one of the airport shops and throw away what you
packed for yourself for the weekend."?
"?That's a lot to do, I'd best get started getting me sorted"?
"?Great George! Once we get our bags checked here, we'll need to go to
the International Terminal to get your passport sorted."?
"?Okay, Naadiah, thanks."?
.
I went through the documents and found that my trek items which I wanted
to hold onto would pass luggage inspection. I had to dispose of my
personal items and either get some at the airport or once we landed in
Toronto. I had one bag which was carry on sixe which I repacked with the
things I wanted for the trip and the next day. I let Naadiah know I was
ready and we both took our luggage to be checked.
"?How did you do, George in finishing up things here?"?
"?I resigned my job, canceled my room and canceled me going to
Dragon*Con. Tina has agreed to help me sell my belongings and car but
she wants to meet you first. I guess she is a better friend than I
thought since she is both happy for me and concerned for me. It would
help her to meet you so she can feel more confident that I'm doing the
right thing."?
"?I'm glad to meet your friend, George. We'd better get going to the
International Terminal to get the paperwork out of the way."?
We did everything that was needed for me to get on the plane with
Naadiah. In the beginning I feel that we both were confused about what
was required. I was assured by the official we met that what resulted
was sufficient. I might have to do more paperwork in Toronto should I
decide to overstay the terms of my paperwork but that was something that
could be worked out.
Tina phoned when she arrived and she followed my directions to the place
that we would be waiting for her in the International Terminal. After a
little while she was walking up and I began to introduce her to Naadiah.
"?Naadiah this is my trek friend, Tina. Tina this is my new friend,
Naadiah."?
"?Naadiah, I'm delighted to meet you. Jo Jo doesn't open up often and
I'm really glad that she's found a receptive friend in you. "
"?Likewise, Tina. Joanna thinks very highly of you even to deferring to
your request to get to know me. Of course it is a proper request since
I've only just met Joanna but I assure her that all I want to do is give
her a chance for her to catch that dream that she's been chasing her
entire life. But it is only a chance, and the result that she has is up
to what she puts into it. I pledge to facilitate what ever efforts she
makes as well as making sure that she has a roof over her head and the
means to support herself."?
"?There is a very truthful aspect to you, Naadiah. I like that you don't
give guarantees since life doesn't have any guarantees. Jo Jo has mucked
up the rest of the chances that she's been given so I hope she's ready
to grab hold of this one with both hands and hold on!"?
"?I am, Tina. I really am running to something instead of running away
from my failures."
There is a difference between running to something and running away from
something. And the only way one knows the difference is what one does
when they arrive."?
"?Okay, Naadiah. I trust you with Jo Jo. You may not guarantee results
but you seem to have her best interest at heart."?
"?Thank you Tina for being such a good friend to Joanna."?
"?Jo Jo, what do you want me to do?"?
"?Please Tina, take my house and car keys. If you could sell or donate
the contents of my room and sell my car, I would love you forever. Oh
right, I already do. Anyway, once you've done that, please email me at
[email protected]. I'll let you know what do to send me the funds.
I will have set up a paypal account or something."?
"?Okay sweetie, I'll do it."?
Tina took my keys and I felt like she had lifted a burden from me. She
smothered me in a hug and broke it with a kiss on my cheek
"?Jo Jo, and Naadiah, I'd love to wait with you to see you off but I
have loads to do with the convention and the room. Jo Jo, do me proud!
Take care of her Naadiah. Second star to the right and straight on till
morning."?
Somehow we had ended up at the beginning to the security check point so
Naadiah went thru first. I looked back at a smiling Tina waving to me
and then turned to follow Naadiah into the unknown country (for me at
least).
Libbie
- 08.03.2020
- 19
- 0
