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Mom's Girl Redux Part 3 free porn video
Mom's Girl Redux Part 3
by
Elizabeth Joanne
Chapter 8
The time off has definitely been good for me. I am sleeping well again
and back to eating on a regular basis. Well OK maybe a semi regular basis
as I have always been more of one to eat when I get hungry and when I am
home like this I am far more apt to snack throughout the day than formal
meals. Still I was back on track more or less. About the only thing was I
had yet to make a formal decision about anything. Yes I was leaning
towards saying Adios World and starting over as Beth but I was not solid
in that either. I still had some questions in my mind as to that but I
was inching closer in that direction. Next Thursday was Thanksgiving and
I was going out to see Mom, I had even extended my vacation to include
all of next week and wouldn't have to be home until next Monday and back
to work on Tuesday so hopefully I have something more solid in my mind by
then.
I do have to admit I could get used to this life of leisure I chuckled as
I went up the stairs that Thursday afternoon. I haven't slept this good
in years and with the exception of my still unmade decision I was totally
stress free. So this is how the other half lives? I hadn't done a lot
this week other than catch up on a few things around here and it felt
great. I have my appointment with Dr. Wagner this afternoon and then I am
free to head west to spend a little extra time with her and ponder some
more. In my mind I was about 75% sure of which I was going to go but I
still had questions in my mind about a few things. I do know what Mom
wants and in a way that would be nice and give me a clean start so to
speak but there is still the question of finances. Also there was that
lingering question would I really find that happiness that had evaded me
until now? The separation package certainly eased the financial question
for a while but after that ends I still have a way to go before I can get
at my 401Ks and even longer until Social Security kicks in. I am not sure
if there was an answer to the question of happiness other than you have
to try and see if it comes.
Do you really want to wear a skirted suit today Beth I kept asking
myself. I pulled them from my closet one by one, looked at them, then
hung them back up. I have been on vacation over a week now and so relaxed
maybe it is time to take a step away from the business woman. Soccer mom
look maybe? I looked through the closet and nothing was calling out to
me. Sure I could have just gone in the jeans and blouse I had on but even
these weren't getting it for me. I kept going through things and nothing
caught my eye, well until I got to almost the last few things. I took the
hanger from the rod and stared at the outfit. I wasn't even sure I wanted
it way back when I bought it and I only wore it once but somehow it
screamed wear me tonight.
I laid the outfit on my bed and shucked my jeans and blouse. After
pulling on a pair of black sheer pantyhose I stepped into the short black
leather skirt. I pulled on the red sleeveless sweater before putting on
the suit style jacket that matched the skirt. I finished the outfit with
my black knee high boots and gold jewelry. A look in the mirror told me
this was not the typical soccer mom outfit but somehow it matched my mood
today, I did stop for gas and I know I drew a few stares as I stood there
pumping it but somehow I could have cared less. I know there were some
who were thinking what is that old woman wearing something like that? It
made me feel good and honestly I could care less what others thought at
that moment. I got to Dr. Wagner's a few minutes early and was thumbing
through a magazine when the door to his inner office opened.
"Oh my Beth! That certainly is a different look for you."
"Feeling pretty good about things so I thought I would try to show it," I
smiled. "You don't think it is too short on me do you?"
"Do you think it is too short?" he asked.
"Not for my mood, so no," I said knowing where his question was meant to
lead me.
"I think it looks good on you," he said. "Come on in and let's talk. So
have you made any decisions?"
"Not exactly but I am leaning one way heavily," I smiled.
"May I ask which way?"
"To going full time," I smiled. "I still have some concerns about some
things but it is what I would really like to do .I have seen this side
for 51 years and to be honest it has not been that great at times. I am
sure it is tough from the other side at times too but at least I won't
feel like I am living a lie."
"Well that's good I know you have struggled with this for years as well
as the ultimate decision over the past few weeks. I am sure even being
close to a decision if you have not made one yet has to make you feel
better" he smiled. "I should tell you the results of your physical have
come back and I and Dr. Donahue have gone over them. We even took the
liberty of consulting with an endocrinologist."
"And?"
"These are the prescriptions for your first 120 days of hormone therapy,"
he smiled as he slid some papers towards me. "It is a good place to
start, They cannot be refilled as you will need to get another blood work
up in 90 days so we can check for any issues and after those results we
may adjust the dosages but we are all comfortable we are pretty close
with these."
"Oh my God! I don't know what to say."
"Well let us talk about the effects you may see as well as some of the
signs you need to watch for."
Over the next half hour or so Dr, Wagner explained how initially the
effects will be mostly psychological initially but I should start to see
some emotional changes by the 3rd month if not sooner. He also explained
not to expect much if any physical changes right away as that generally
takes around 6 months to even to begin to manifest so don't get
impatient. He explained as time went on some of the changes may be
permanent but definitely reversible early on. He also gave me the
"individual results can vary" speech but said after talking it over with
the other 2 doctors they all agreed based on my family history and my
current hormone levels and other factors I could expect satisfactory
results. Finally he smiled and turned the floor over to me.
"I am definitely going to get these filled but I am still not 100% sure I
am going this route and even if I do it won't be today ar even tomorrow."
I said. "I hate to admit it but there are still a few nagging questions
in my mind."
"Care to talk about them Beth?"
"Not really as I know what you are going to tell me."
"So what are they?"
"Just am I truly ready for all of this and is it really better?" I said
"You are right, only you can answer those questions."
"Guess with with all I have paid you over all these years I have learned
a few things." I laughed.
"Nice to know someone listens to me. Maybe you could talk to my wife
about that," he laughed back. He then went back to his serious doctor
tone of voice. "I can appreciate your lingering questions and even though
in my opinion you are ready do not do it until you are 100% sure you are.
I do ask you note when you take the first pills and let me know the exact
date should you start so we can schedule the 90 day blood test so we can
monitor your body functions and other things and if need be adjust the
dosages."
"I will, I promise," I told him.
"You may experience some weight gain initially but that will be mostly
water retention," he added. "If that becomes an issue call me and I can
prescribe a water pill or over the counter water pills may work fine for
you."
I told him I would watch that and he asked how I had come to where I was
decision wise and I talked on and on. My session went well beyond its
usual hour and it was close to 7:30 before we wrapped everything up. I
thanked him for everything so far and told him I understood this was not
the end but rather a beginning and scheduled another appointment. I know
that there are going to be things that would arise as I plunder down this
path if I choose to go that way and need his assistance in sorting things
out. I got up and he walked me to the door.
"Whatever you decide now Beth be sure it is what is right for you and you
are doing it for you, not someone else," he said.
"I will," I smiled. "And thank you for everything."
"You are most welcome," he smiled back. "And Beth?"
"Yes?"
"I am not sure that is a good everyday look for you but you do look nice
tonight."
"Thanks," I blushed.
"No I mean it," he said. "I wish I could get my wife to loosen up at
times."
"Well maybe someday she and I will have to have that talk," I laughed.
I left and felt so much more relaxed after my talk with Dr. Wagner I
stopped for a burger and a beer at a bar close to my place. I knew the
owner well and although it was a lesbian bar I had been there many times
and always treated well by the staff and patrons. Kathy who was the owner
teased me a bit about "advertising" with my outfit. I told her "When you
got it, flaunt it and Honey I got it!" which made her laugh. When I got
home I relaxed and thought about all of this and where at the beginning
of the week I was leaning towards going full time now I was about 90%
sure that was my direction. I still need to talk with Mom more about this
and be sure she is on board with that. She has had some time to think
about all of this as have I. Yes she has been on board with my going this
way from the first time we talked about it and I doubt that has changed.
Still she has always been a good sounding board for me.
Chapter 9
I did get the prescriptions filled that Friday. I suppose in a way I
could have had Dr. Wagner make the prescriptions out to my male side and
I could have used the prescription benefit with my health insurance.
Still these are prescribed for Beth and she got the prescription filled
herself and paid for it with her Visa. There was something in all of that
which only reinforced in my mind this was the right way to go. The
pharmacist did go over some of the potential side effects as Dr. Wagner
had but I was a good girl and listened again. I did look over the bottles
and the instructions provided but never opened them, even just to peek
inside. Instead I put them in plain sight on my dresser. In a way
reminding me they were there but also somewhat out of view while I was in
the bathroom. Yes I thought several times of starting to take them
Friday, Saturday, and even Sunday morning but I didn't. Not sure why,
maybe I was waiting for a sign from God or something like that.
Saturday was nice but cold, still I went out and did my grocery shopping
as well got the car washed. I know most guys are home on a November
Saturday afternoon watching football but that has never been my thing. I
did straighten up and was starting to think about what I ws going to take
with me to Mom's. I thought about when to go and decided on Monday as I
had been going to church here for a couple of weeks now. I really have no
idea why after all those years I suddenly found the desire to reintroduce
religion back into my life. What I did know was I found a peace there and
it made me feel better. Maybe there is something to this I told myself as
I dressed for church Sunday morning.
It was brisk but sunny Monday as I drove over to Mom's. As I drove across
the state I kept trying to convince myself why I shouldn't go full time
and I was having a hard time coming up with any reasons. Yes there was
the age and financial issues but if not now, when? You're not getting any
younger Beth and if you do this you do want be able to enjoy it. As for
finances, in reality I can afford it. Maybe my lifestyle will change
somewhat but does that mean I shouldn't pursue that which I think will
bring me the most happiness? For every argument against doing it I could
come up with 3 or 4 as to why I should. I was inching closer and closer
but there was still that sliver of lingering doubt in the back of my
mind.
It was mid afternoon when I got to Mom's and as always she was happy to
see me as I was her. She teased me that I waited until Monday to come so
I didn't have to go to church. I just smiled not saying a word about my
somehow newfound religious inclination. I was not sure if it was just
because of the turmoil in my life or I was really going to stay at it.
Let it run its course before you say anything Beth. As always my first
day there went well into the night and involved a couple of bottles of
wine. We talked about what had been going on in our lives. I will give
her credit that she didn't raise the subject I am sure she wanted to. Yes
I was definitely leaning towards the decision to take that step into the
unknown and start over as Beth but other than to Dr. Wagner I hadn't let
that on to anyone. Maybe not even to myself.
Tuesday and Wednesday were full of getting ready for Thanksgiving and
Thursday Nancy and Aunt Mary came over to join us for the feast. It was
fun and to be honest if anyone from the outside looked in they would have
seen 4 women laughing and talking about the shortcomings of men. To them
I was just another woman and to be honest I truly felt that way. Nancy
did catch me on the side and ask what was happening and I told her I had
yet to make a final decision but I was definitely leaning in the
direction she and I had talked about. She teased me that time was running
out. Not like she had to remind me, I knew that very well. Beth it is
time to get off the fence and go one way or the other.
I didn't sleep particularly well that night with everything on my mind. I
had the pill bottles in my suitcase and in a way they were calling to me.
Add to that Mom wanted to get up early and we were in the line waiting
for the stores to open at 6AM for all the bargains. Yes it was fun and I
did get some of my Christmas shopping done. Maybe it didn't help solving
my dilemma but it did take my mind off it for a bit. We got home by mid
afternoon and to be honest I took a little nap then. I was up before
dinner, leftovers of course, and we were doing the dishes when Mom took a
step back.
"You seem to be a little on edge and have been all day Elizabeth," she
said.
"Its nothing Mom, guess I have a lot of things on my mind," I tried to
fluff it off.
"Sometimes it helps to talk about things," she said.
"I'm not really in the mood for that," I said.
"Well there are some things I want to talk about," she said. "Put on a
pot of coffee and let me get some things off my chest."
"Hopefully not your bra," I laughed.
"What you don't want to see them resting in my lap?" she laughed back.
"Thanks for that picture," I sneered.
"Maybe someday you will learn gravity is not a girl's best friend."
"Maybe," I smiled.
"I guess in a way that is what I want to talk about Elizabeth and before
you get an attitude hear me out," she said.
"OK," I said as we both sat at the kitchen table. "The floor is yours and
I will be a good girl and sit here quietly."
"That is exactly the attitude I am talking about," she snapped. "I know
when we first talked about all of this I told you I would behind you 100%
and yes I would love to have Elizabeth around all the time but let me
explain why."
"I'm sorry Mom," I said. "It is just this has been taxing on me
emotionally and I guess I am exhausted thinking about all of it."
"I can understand that but hear me out please?"
"OK Mom, go ahead."
"First off I always wanted a daughter, I think all women do," she started
in. "I always loved you and the fact I couldn't get pregnant again was
bothersome to be kind but I always loved you and tried to be a good
mother though I am not sure I always was."
"You were a good mother," I said as I put my hand on hers. "I am sure
many of our issues were due to my being different and let us be honest
since I came out to you we are been closer than we have ever been."
"Yes we are and I cherish our times together, even when we talk on the
phone," she said. "Still I can remember those years of seeing Mary and
her girls and the bond they had. Yes jealous might be the right word but
I was always happy for her. Now that I am getting on in age I guess I am
a bit nostalgic about things."
"You are not that old Mom," I said seeing the tear in her eye.
"Yes I am Elizabeth, I am 71, almost 72 now," she came back. "Yes Mary is
a few years older than me and her health is not the best but that could
be me tomorrow. I know when Nancy asked her to move in it was one of the
happiest days of her life. It was like she was being reinforced that she
had not only done a good job as a mother but also her daughters knew that
as well."
"I ah, I don't know what to say here Mom."
"I am not sure either Elizabeth," she said. "I guess in my own way I am
fishing around here and trying to say I know there is that time coming I
may need a little extra help and I cannot think of anyone more that I
want here to help than my beautiful daughter. Maybe I am being a little
selfish but as an old woman aren't I entitled to that every once in a
while?"
"Oh my God Mom" I said as I stood up and put my arms around here. "I have
been so lost in all of this and me I never gave any thought to anyone
else."
"I understand that Elizabeth," she said. "I don't want you to do this for
me but for you. Something inside tells me you want this and I debated
long and hard about telling you all of this. I don't want to pressure you
but I thought you needed to hear my side."
"I did and thank you for telling it to me," I said and gave her a kiss on
the cheek. "Wait here for a minute please."
I wiped the tears from my eyes and went into my bedroom. I fished the
pill bottles from my suitcase. I went back into the kitchen and set them
in front of Mom and sat back down.
"What are these Elizabeth? Are you trying to tell me you have some
medical issues?"
"No Mom, I am healthy. As a matter of fact I just had a complete physical
and everything is fine."
"Then what are these?" she asked as she picked up one of the bottles.
"Those are my prescriptions for a hormone therapy should I decide to
transition," I said. "I have had them a week now but have yet to start
taking them as up until now I had been leaning that way but I had yet to
make that commitment to myself."
"What do all these do?"
"Well one is a testerone blocker, the other two are female hormones," I
said calmly. "I am not going to go deep into all of it but they could
definitely feminize my body. Not maybe the same had I been born as a
genetic female but there will be changes."
"You mean like breasts?"
"Yes Mom, breasts! Probably not to a D cup like you but they say because
of my family history I should at least develop some in spite of my age" I
smiled. "They could also change the fat distribution giving me more
shapely hips and butt as well as maybe lessen my waistline. Also softer
skin is usually a side effect. They will eventually render my me impotent
but that has never been important as we have discussed in the past."
"I guess my question is what do you want from me?" she said. "I think you
know how I feel about all of this."
"Yes Mom I know how you feel and honestly until just a minute ago I was
still a bit unsure about how I felt but now I am sure. You asked me what
I want from you? How about a glass of water so I can take my pills?''
We both got up and the tears of joy flowed as we held each other. Mom got
me that glass of water but before she handed it to me she asked if this
was what I really wanted and to be sure I was doing this for myself. I
told her I had never been more sure of anything in my life. I took the
pills and although I knew it would take time for them to really kick in
there was definitely a psychological effect. I had taken that first step
to becoming the woman I should have been born.
Mom and I sat up a while longer talking about things. I am not sure she
was 100% happy when I told her I was not planning on moving in right away
as I had things to sort out and wanted to get my feet wet a little bit in
more familiar surroundings. I do know as I climbed under the covers that
night I felt a satisfaction and an inner peace that I may have never
felt. I have to remember to make a note of today, November 26, 2004, to
let Dr. Wagner know. I know this is a day I will look back on as a
milestone in my life.
Chapter 10
The rest of my time with Mom was great as always but somehow I felt a
deeper bond to her than ever. I am not sure how to put it into words but
it was like I now saw things and her in particular in a different light.
No I am not saying a couple of days of HRT suddenly changed me other than
psychologically. Maybe I was letting myself see things as they really
were rather than how I wanted them to be. I do admit I was sleeping like
a baby and woke up every morning full of life and eager to face the day.
The weight had been lifted from me. While I still had questions in my
mind about all of this something told me it was all going to work out.
The goodbyes that Sunday were tough but not as tough as they had been. We
both knew that eventually good bye would become good night in time. Still
I had things to do and wrap up.
Margo teased me my hair needed at least a trim as she took the extensions
out of my hair Monday afternoon. I told her not a chance as I had decided
to let grow some than see how I looked. As I hadn't ever said a word
about all of this to her I am sure she was confused but didn't say
anything. I have to admit I felt more than a little sad as I took the
polish off my fingernails that evening before bed. The day will be here
soon I won't have to do this and I am going to have to be patient. 100's
of things went through my mind that I had to do and accomplish. I knew
the biggest one I needed to address tomorrow though.
I got to the office early and my secretary teased me when she came in the
vacation must have done me good as I looked happier than I had in quite a
while. I told her I was and asked her to close the door and sit down.
Georgia and I had been working together for a few years now and got along
great. For some reason I felt she should be the first one to know. I was
surprised when I told her of my decision, no not to transition but rather
to take the buy out and kick back, that she didn't react stronger. She
told me she thought I was making the right choice and it was time for me
to find out the other half lives. She did give me a hug and said she had
already several interviews and was really hoping for one in particular. I
told her I would miss her if she left early but wished her the best. I
also told her I would be happy to give her a good reference if that would
help.
I finished my cup of coffee and got a fresh one before I fished the
business card from my planner. I stared at it for more than a few
seconds. Better do this now before you start thinking again and chicken
out Beth. It is time to make this official in your own sort of a way. I
picked up the phone and dialed the number. It rang 3 times before someone
answered it.
"Mike Robinson," the voice at the other end announced.
"Mike, this is Dave Mitchell," I said. "How are you doing?"
"I am fine thanks Dave," he replied. "We were just talking about you."
"Good or bad?" I half laughed.
"Neither really either, we were just wondering what you had decided so we
knew what way we are going on a few things."
"Well to be honest Mike, I really hadn't made up my mind until Friday
night," I said. "I admit I vacillated back and forth but somehow this
past week things have become more clear to me and I made my final
decision."
"And what is that?"
"I am going to accept the buy out so you can consider this my notice I
will be leaving the end of the year," I said as my knees shook.
"Well I have to tell you I am not surprised even though there were some
of us who hoped you would come with us," he said. "Do you really have to
leave the end of the year?"
"I have some plans that I suppose could wait a bit, why do you ask?"
"I would like you to work with your successor and make the appropriate
introductions and the like," he said.
"I am not coming to Buffalo, not a chance."
"I understand but what if I were to make it worth your while to stay on
for the first quarter?"
"I'm listening."
"What if we were to extend the offer for an additional 3 months and pay
you that?"
"Do better Mike," I laughed.
"Like what?"
"You average what I have earned the past 12 months and pay me 1/12th of
that for each January, February, and March," I said.
"Well that is a little more than we had in our mind."
"And I do this my way," I added. "My terms, my schedule, and I get half
of the vacation I would have normally had next year which would have been
5 weeks and 7 personal days. I will cut you some slack and let us just
call it 3 weeks and anything I don't use you pay me for."
"A bit greedy don't you think Dave?"
"This is not a negotiation Mike, take or leave it," I smirked knowing I
had him by the short hairs.
"We will have to talk it over and get back to you," he said.
"OK, the offer is good until Friday 5 pm my time. Put it together and fax
it over to me if you agree. If I don't hear from you by then I will take
it I am leaving the end of the year, good bye Mike."
I never gave him a chance to respond as I hung up. I had gone to a
seminar on negotiating and some of the mistakes people make during them a
few years back. They said there was a point every negotiation reaches
where the next person who speaks loses. This was definitely that point.
The true beauty is I really had nothing to lose whatever they decided.
As I sat there I knew it would be nice to begin wrapping things up but I
could wait 90 days if I had to. I went back to work as nothing had
happened. Georgia never said a word to anyone, I knew she wouldn't, so no
one else was any more the wiser as to my decision. That night after I got
home I called Mom and told her of what had transpired today. Yes she may
have been a little disappointed about the possible delay then again so
was I. Still I had always thought of myself as a professional with style
and class and this was definitely that. After hanging up with her I
started making a list of things I had to do once that day came be it the
end of the year or April 1st. I originally thought this was going to be
easy but in no time I was already on the second page. Get some sleep
Beth, I am sure more will come to you.
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