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Baby Baby Baby Janet L. Stickney [email protected] Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you......Stewart E. White "I think you should try it, just to see how hard it is!" "Nope," I said firmly. "Being pregnant is for women!" "Well, yes, that's true, but you have no idea how hard it is around here! You never help!" "I'll help," I stated in typical male fashion. "Yes, I know you will, because if you don't, your little secret will get out, and we don't want that do we?" She knew damned well that my dressing up was between us, and for her to use it as a threat was a low blow, even for her, but then, she sent shivers down my spine. "Since you like to dress up so much, I was thinking that maybe it was time for you to experience what it's really like to be a woman! I think maybe you should become a woman for a while, then get pregnant, and I mean going from inception to delivery!" "But that's impossible!" "Well, no, it isn't. I've done some checking, and it can be done, and even better, you would not be the first guy to do it! What I was thinking, since you're about to lose your job when the plant closes, that you assume the role of a typical wife. You do all of the things that I normally do, dress the way I do of course, then you'll 'get pregnant.' They have devices, things that allow men to look and feel pregnant, and all we have to do is add water, right up until you're ready to deliver! Then we let out the water, and you'll be back to normal!" "But... that would mean that I would have to be a woman full time!" "Most pregnant women are silly! Now, go fill the tub while I get the bubblebath. I want you to get as hairless as it's possible for you to get." "Now?" "I heard that you'll get your letter of dismissal tomorrow; Marion told me that Harvey got his yesterday. You'll get paid for the next two months, but after that you'll be unemployed, so there's no reason to report to your office, and no reason for you to say no! So... yes, I mean now." I was torn between complete and utter dismissal of her suggestion, and jumping in the tub as fast as I could. Being able to be a woman full time had been a long time dream of mine and she knew it, but being pregnant, such as that went, wasn't even on my radar! Never! I looked at her, saw no deception on her face and again wondered if it was even possible. Janet is my sister. We share our living arrangements because we inherited the house together, and both being single, neither of us had any notion, or reason, to move. We had fallen into the traditional roles even though we were brother and sister; not because of any plan, it just worked out that way. Besides, living together in the house was cheap since we owned it. Janet got pregnant when she was 17 by some guy that ran off, leaving her to bear the child, a boy; she put him up for adoption, and he was gone the day after he was born. Now, at the of age 21, here I was, about to face the same dilemma! If I did what she wanted me to do that is. If I did do it, I would be, in effect, be an unwed mother! "You know you're going to do it," Janet said quietly, "I mean, you've been playing dress up in my clothes for years! Since we were kids! This is your chance to finally see what it's like to be a woman, so why not take it?" "But pregnant? What's with that?!" "It's just like you said. Being pregnant is the ultimate experience for a woman, and since you say you want to know what it's like to be a woman, be treated like a woman, and have the same limitations a woman does, well, living as a woman, then becoming pregnant, will show you every one of those things. That's why I think this is not only the perfect time for you to try it, it's also a way for you to experience what being a woman is really all about!! Don't you?" I went in my room, only to see clean towels and bubblebath on the bed. It wasn't that hard a decision for me to make; I mean, I had been dressing up since I was a kid, so with visions of my inner girl jumping out at me, then throwing my brains, along with every bit of common sense I had right out the window, I undressed and went in the bath. Two hours later I emerged as hairless as I could get, the hair remover and the razor having done a wonderful job of it, and after using the skin lotion, my skin felt smooth and soft. Janet had always known about my dressing up, and had even helped me a few times when we were teenagers; in fact, we had even gone out together a few times. But what she was suggesting was going to test me in ways that I could only imagine; well, I could imagine them, I just didn't think I would ever face them! Unfortunately, she knew exactly how to push my buttons, which is why I ended up standing there with a pair of panties in my hand. I wasn't some clueless schmuck that couldn't figure out what was happening; I could just say no, and while she might pout a bit, that would be the end of it. However, between my savings and her wages, I knew that we could do it, and there might never be another, or better, chance for me to live full time as a woman ever again. I also knew that I was going to do it. I simply couldn't deny myself the chance to live a dream. But I was going to do it my way, not hers. I had secretly purchased one of those vagina panties some time back, but only wore it once, for about a week. It was a delicious secret I kept that week, yet, for me, if I was going to dress as a woman, there just couldn't be any middle ground; I always knew that if I was going to do it full time, then I was damned well going to do my very best to not only look like one, I was going to be the best woman I could be! I have always adored women. The way they looked, acted, and their innate sense of what beauty was. All different, yet always feminine. In my view, by dressing as a woman I was not just admiring them, I was emulating them as a way to prove my adoration for them and everything they represented. I pulled the panty out of the drawer along with the special lubricant, and after a small application of the lotion, I pulled it on. Making sure that my parts were snugly in place, I used, for the first time, the glue to adhere the panty to my waist as well as the tabs on the backside. My breast forms were not the best, but they would do until I changed them for something better, much better. With my manhood no longer present, and wider hips and a bigger butt accenting my lower half, I slipped on the panties, then the bra, using my cheap forms to fill out the cups. After that came makeup, the pantyhose, dress and shoes. I used my wig because my hair wasn't quite long enough to satisfy me, and after adding earrings and lipstick, I left the room to find Janet. She had not seen me dressed for a long time, and since I had gotten a bit better at it, I wanted to surprise her. I walked into the kitchen and found her sitting at the table. As she looked up.... "Holy Cow! You look fantastic! I figured you would look good, but damn girl!" "If I'm going to do this," I told her firmly, "and I'm still not sure that I am, I need to get some better breast forms, and I simply don't have a thing to wear!" That brought a giggle. "I'll bet we wear about the same size, so we can share things like skirts and dresses, at least for a while, so all you'll need are shoes and lingerie." "If I do this, but..." "Oh I think you'll do it, it's something you've always wanted to do! Dress as a woman full time I mean. And I agree about getting better boobs, so why don't you do that this week?" "Maybe I will!" That was on Tuesday. I thought about my options for along time before I made my decision. If I went through with the insane idea that I could actually live as a woman, then become pregnant, I had to believe in my heart that I could actually do it. Because women sometimes wear things that reveal their breasts, or at least a portion of them anyway, I wanted to be able to do the same. There were lots of options, some quite inane, some quite expensive, but a few were in the middle, which usually meant affordable. I made a few calls before I decided what I was going to do. It was radical, but seemed to be the best option, especially if I were to be living as a woman for over a year. On Thursday morning, after spending an hour getting ready, I left the house dressed as a woman for the first time since I was 19. I was edgy but not scared; after all, even if someone did figure it out, what were they going to do at 40 miles an hour? Jump in? It took about an hour to get there. As I walked in, doubt crept up on me, and I wondered again if this were the best option. The smell of antiseptic filled the air, and a pleasant nurse greeted me. When I told her why I was there, she ushered me into the doctors office. He came in a few moments later, listening as I explicitly told him everything that Janet and I had talked about, what I planned on doing, the faux pregnancy she insisted on, and why, then asked him if there was a way that I could get away from using breast forms. "Yes of course! There are many options! You can get the best in breast implants, but the best ones are very expensive, and the healing time can be well over a month. You can start on hormones, which, if you are serious about this, I would recommend anyway, but the results you're looking for would take at least a year, and would last a very long time. There is one other option, we have developed a new procedure where we simply enhance what you have. But, as in a normal breast implant operation, we will have to make a very small incision just under the nipple. We insert a small bag which we fill with saline solution. I know it sounds like a breast implant, but it's much less than that, and the recovery is two or three days, maybe a week, versus several weeks, or even a month, and we can continue to add to the saline as your skin stretches. The cost is comparable to that of a great set of custom made breast forms." I asked him some other pertinent questions, deciding to do it, then scheduled the procedure after he assured me that with my build and the amount of natural breast that I already had, within a month, maybe a bit more, depending on how much my skin stretched, I could be a full B cup, possibly even more, depending on how much my skin stretched and how I looked in profile. I decided to take the hormones as well, because after living as a woman for over a year, there was some serious doubt that I could return to being a male. If the hormones worked on my system like they should, I would also lose body hair and round out with a more natural figure. After all, a year or more is a long time, and having a natural figure would be my only protection. An implant of any kind was a big step, but being pregnant was an even bigger event, one that would last a minimum of nine months, and since I couldn't just show up pregnant, I could safely add a few months, maybe even longer for that too! All of which meant that I was facing well over a year, but probably more as a woman! There was no way that I would even try that unless I had the self confidence needed, and having my own boobs, and later a natural figure, would certainly make it very hard for anyone to say that I wasn't a woman, which is why I decided to do it. The cost was just about the same as the very best breast forms I had researched, lasted longer, and would be my own. The doctor also suggested something else, which we also talked about, but I told him I would think about it and let him know. He scheduled the appointment, then, with my permission, gave me a shot that secreted a long lasting pill that would deliver estrogen into my system at a regular rate. I know, it was way out there, implants and hormones, simply to feel "safe", but it was more than that. Since I had decided that I was going to do this, I wanted to enjoy being a total woman, not always scared of discovery, and if I was ever going to do it, then this was my best chance. On the way home I stopped and bought more panties, but no bras because I wasn't sure of the size I needed. For the next two days I was edgy and nervous, having told Janet only enough that she would drive me to the clinic and get me home again. I did not tell her what he was going to do. That was my secret, but the more I thought about what I was about to do, the more I knew it was the right thing to do; being able to wear anything a natural woman could wear would give me more than enough confidence to not only live as a woman, but also, eventually, get "pregnant". It took only a few hours, but when I left the clinic I had smallish breasts, maybe a big A cup. I wasn't sore, but I knew it was coming, and counted on the pills he gave me to get me through the pain. Janet found out what was going on the minute we walked into the clinic and the doctor blurted it out. Janet, thoroughly shocked, could only watch as I disappeared behind the doors. A few hours later I emerged with boobs. After we got home, she demanded to see, but I was covered with bandages, so she, like me, had to wait for another few days before either of us got to see his handy work. Like Janet's, my breasts had just the right amount of sag, yet were firm and perky. As I gently held them in my hands, all I could do was grin. I promptly went out and got fitted for bras, buying several in different styles. I liked the soft cup front hook bras, and by using a small gel insert, I had the full B cup I wanted. More panties and pantyhose, I got my ears pierced, and bought makeup better suited for me. You could say that I had leaped before I looked, and maybe you would be right, but having the knowledge that I had a woman locked inside of me for all those years, one that had been slowly dragging me down, was, literally, a drag... no pun intended. But I took it opportunity when Janet opened the door for me to try it, scarcely looking back. I didn't really have to think about it. From the moment I left the doctors office I was a woman. All I had left to do was learn how to be one. Day after day I struggled to walk and move like a woman, their natural fluidity escaping me; but I kept practicing, and after a few months of hard work, I was just close enough to being natural that Janet said that it was time that I met the world, meaning that the two of us would go out. It would be a big step, to go to dinner then a nightclub, but crushing my doubts, she insisted that I was ready. My preparation began with a trip to the salon to get my hair trimmed and styled. Still on what I thought was the short side, by the time they were done, my hair was every bit as feminine looking as I had hoped. Once I got home, it took hours to get ready, as I made sure that there wasn't one extra hair anywhere, that my special panty was fixed in place, and my skin was as smooth and silky to the touch as I could get. Then came the sexy panties with bra to match, pantyhose and makeup, earrings and the dress. As I stepped into the shoes I got butterflies, but they went away as soon as I looked in the mirror. I used the red lipstick and some perfume, then grabbed my purse. I was as ready as I would ever get. Janet drove, and as we motored along.... "This is a very classy place Susan. Just be yourself, and use what you've been practicing. We'll have a very nice dinner, then hit the club later, but I don't want you to be a wall flower! I want to see you out there dancing and having a good time! Understand?" "Yeah, I get it, but...." "And if some guy hits on you, and he's cute, well, go with it! I mean, you do want to get pregnant, right?" "But I'm not... I...." "You have become a very attractive woman Susan, and attractive women get hit on! Besides, it takes a guy to get pregnant, or didn't you remember that?" "I remember," I said a bit sullenly, "but I'm not.... I've never.... you know that I've never... been with a guy before! I mean..." "Don't worry so much! Just be yourself, and I promise that you'll have a great time! Besides, it's not like you'll be jumping in the sack with the first guy that comes along, not on your first meeting anyway!" We were seated, and almost immediately had a waiter at the table. We ordered dinner, then, just as we finished eating, two guys walked over! The tall one spoke to Janet. "We saw that you ladies were alone, and thought perhaps that we might buy you dessert? It's such a nice place for couples that we thought we might join you?" Janet looked me, but I found that I was afraid to say a word, so.. "That would be nice. I'm Janet, and this is my sister Susan." "I'm Greg, and this is my brother Jeff." Janet invited them, so they joined us, Jeff sitting next to Janet, Greg next to me. Both were very polite of course, and I did my best to be as feminine as I could. I must have done okay, because neither of them gave me any funny looks. When Janet mentioned that we were headed to a club, they asked if they could join us, and of course, Janet said yes. She didn't ask me, she just did it. Saying that I had to "freshen up," I dragged her butt into the ladies room with me. "What the hell are you doing?!" "Why not let them go with us? I mean, I'm a girl, and you're a girl, and they are kind of cute, so why not?" "But I'm not... I can't..." "You are, and yes, you can! And besides, this is what you wanted... isn't it?" "Yeah, but..." "You listen to me Susan! Greg is obviously taken with you, so go out there and be the girl he thinks you are! Christ! You have your own boobs now, and I know all about that panty you're wearing, so don't try to tell me that you can't do this! Besides, there are lots of ways for a girl to take care of a guy!" Janet was right on all counts, it was only my long held, innate fear of discovery that was holding me back. As I used the bath, I thought about what she had said, and knew that she was right. I had accepted the role of female, I had my own boobs, and I looked every inch a female. I would do it. I added lipstick, and joined Janet as we walked back to the table. As we left, Greg slipped his arm around my waist, then walked me to our car. They were going to follow us, but Janet said that she wanted to stay with Jeff, so I ended up in Greg's car with him. He drove carefully, even though he kept looking at me and smiling. "What?" I asked. "Is there something wrong?" "No, you're just so pretty that I can't stop looking at you." "You probably say that to all the girls you meet." "I just moved here Susan. Jeff has been here a while, so, I haven't met any girls, and I don't have a girlfriend. What about you? Any boyfriends?" "Nope. Just me and Janet. We share a house we inherited." "So... you would be free if I called you?" Suddenly coy, I said... "I might, it depends on whether I give you my number!" Just then he pulled into a parking space and we went inside. The noise was loud, as in almost deafening! Looking around, I saw Janet covering her ears, and went to her. "Lets get the hell out of here!" I almost yelled in her ear. "It's too loud!" She nodded her head yes, and grabbed Jeff's hand, leading him outside. The four of us stood there getting used to the silence of the night, then.... "Listen," Jeff said, "I know a place that has a nice trio, jazz I think, and we can have some drinks and talk." It was everything Jeff said it was, and we settled at a round table overlooking the small pond beside the place. The lighting, the soft jazz, and the drinks worked together to loosen both Janet and I up a bit, and I became less self conscious of what I was doing. I talked, I laughed, and I even danced with Greg. It was a new experience to have someone treat me that way, and it took a bit of effort before I got used to it. Greg and I were sitting there for a moment after that dance, then he took my hand in his. Under the table, but still, he held on, then, his hand drifted south, to my right leg. I put my hand over his to deter any further exploration, but didn't move his hand; I'll admit that it felt nice in a way. Then Jeff and Janet excused themselves, walking towards the small garden outside. "Your sister and Jeff make a nice looking couple." "Yes, I suppose, but it's way to early to suggest that!" "I'm not, I'm just saying. They seemed to hit it off quite well." "It seems so, yes." "Can I call you? I was thinking maybe...dinner?" I surprised myself when I said yes, then gave him my number. He asked, and since I had to know if I could pull it off, being a girl, by myself that is, what better way than on a date? And besides that, given the way Janet had taken to Jeff, there wasn't much doubt that I would see him again, so why not go out with his brother? By the time we got home Janet was on cloud nine. Smiling the entire way home, even I could figure out why. Jeff was good looking, and she had not dated very much since our parents were killed. She was ready to move on, and Jeff seemed like he was a likely candidate. I neglected to tell her I had a date scheduled with Greg for a reason. I did not want to have her suggesting anything. I was going to see how I did on a date, all on my own. I also found myself unable to continue just sitting home practicing, and regardless of her wanting me to take care of the house. I had to have something to do, so I started looking for a part time job. Because of the numerous job loses in the area, the only thing I could find was working as a waitress at a family diner. I scheduled myself for four days a week. That would give me time to take care of the house and still have some money. Janet understood when I told her, so I began work the following day. Going from a male oriented job of modest authority to waitress was a bit of a shock, especially having to wear those short, form fitting blue dresses. The hem was almost three inches above my knees! I managed to do okay, with only a few mistakes on the orders, it was all that other stuff. Like getting hit on almost all day; or feeling a hand running up the back of my leg once in a while. I almost complained, but the other girl, Angie, told me that the guys that touched usually gave big tips, so I didn't rock the boat very hard. It was harder than I thought it would be, standing on my feet all day, but Angie suggested the type of shoes to get, and I stopped on the way home and got them. I made almost $65 in tips alone that first day, which surprised me a little. If that remained about the same every day, then I would make almost a grand a month, just in tips! Add in another $500 in wages, and I would have enough to get by on without hitting my savings very often! Beat, I took a shower as soon as I got home, then found the note from Janet. "Susan, I'll be out with Jeff. Don't wait up! JL" I slipped on a nightgown, got a beer, and settled in to watch a little television. It was early, only about seven, but I wasn't planning on going anywhere, so I got my housecoat and simply relaxed. I had just taken a sip of my beer when the doorbell rang! I fastened the housecoat, and answered the door, surprised to see Greg standing there. "Hi" "Hi Greg! What are you doing here?!" "When Janet showed up at our place I knew that I was definitely going to be a third wheel, so I left, and you were the only person I wanted to visit!" "She left me a note saying not to expect her home tonight, so you're probably right! Come inside." "You look great Susan." "In this? Let me get some clothes on. I'll be right back." "Don't bother. You look very... domestic? It seems to suit you." "Me? Domestic? Hardly! Let me get you some coffee." We sat and sipped our coffee, then he put his arm around me, pulled me closer, and kissed me. Not hard, but enough to let me know what he wanted. Even after living as a woman for over four months, I was still very unsure of myself, especially where a man was involved. I desperately wanted to be a woman, to be totally accepted as one, and Greg was obviously prepared to help me in that regard. My most closely held secret had always been to make love to a man, but only as a woman would. There wasn't any doubt that he wanted to jump my bones, that was obvious by the way he kept moving around, trying to hide the tent in his pants. I had paid lots of money for my 'babies, by then a full B cup, and that panty, knowing full well what I could do with it, yet always wondering if it would actually work as advertised. I also wanted to know if I could do for him what any healthy normal female would do for a guy. I'll admit that it came on me rather quickly, the thought that I might make love to him, but since Janet was away... I turned to face him, and kissed him back. Eventually his hand made its way to my breast, which made me feel tingly all over, and excited me to no end. I knew that it was sudden, giving in like that, but I found that I was unable to stop myself. It was the central core, the one thing that I had to know about myself. I led him into my bedroom, and he immediately began to undress me, which didn't take long, and as I stood there, I reached out to undress him. His gentle yet firm manipulation of my senses had already led me to do things that I had never thought I would do. The sensations that rippled through me when he first kissed, then suckled at my breast was indescribable, and drove me deeper into the onrushing lust I was feeling. I touched him, stroking him as he lay next to me, the panting of his breath in my ear firm with excitement. I rolled him on his back and got up on all fours, my breasts hanging from my chest like ripe fruit as I turned my face to his manhood. That first touch of my lips on it made him quiver in anticipation, yet when I suddenly swallowed him whole, he almost jumped into the air. It was not as unpleasant as I had thought it would be, and I worked on him until he was almost ready, then stopped. He grabbed me and pushed me on my back, and as I lay under him, I guided him in, then felt his motion, the pulsating throb of his desire, which was very intense. When he had completed, he lay there next to me panting hard, and as I rolled up next to him I grinned to myself. I had actually satisfied him! As a woman! Running my hand through the hair on his chest, I was thrilled beyond words. He stayed the night of course, and as I awoke, I smiled at him. Then I went to make the coffee. Standing there in just my nightgown, I had the overwhelming feeling, as if I were a wife. I knew that I would like more nights like that, and found that I didn't mind that idea at all! I was humming to myself when he came in the kitchen, wrapped his arms around me, then cupped my breasts; I could feel his hardness pressing against my backside. "Have some coffee," I said. "I want you." "Coffee," I insisted. "Then breakfast. You'll need your strength." An hour later we were once again in the bedroom; I felt like a teenage girl as I pushed him back on the bed, then went to work on him. It was, unlike the night before, very easy for me to do that for him. I also knew that I could not go back to the way I was before. I was a woman, he was a man, and we were both adults. I knew even before he showed up that returning to my old status was out of the question, so making love with Greg was just another logical progression in my journey to full womanhood. After our showers, he had to go to work. As I did, we parted company. I was a very happy girl that day, and it must have showed, because Angie mentioned it. "You look chipper today Susan, new boyfriend?" "Yes, and he's cute as hell." "Just be careful honey, guys get what they want, and they leave us standing there, sometimes pregnant!" "Greg isn't like that! He's..." "He's a guy Susan, and all guys are like that!" "Not Greg!" "We'll see." Angie had been married twice, and her last boyfriend had just up and left her. It kind of makes you wonder if it was the guys or her. She had a terrible track record with men, so any advice she gave me wasn't worth taking to heart. About an hour into my shift Janet and Jeff showed up. "Hi!" "Hi Janet. Have a good time last night?" "Probably about the same as you." "I see!" "No you don't," I said with a wink. "Did you make him breakfast?" "Of course." "Aha!" "No aha, he was hungry, that's all." "I'll bet!" They both she and Angie said in unison. The day went by quickly, and I was anxious to get home. Janet and I had to talk. She knew so much more than I did about men, which sounds silly, since legally I am one, but I had entered a whole new realm of existence, that of a woman. At the ripe old age of 21, and what everyone thought was a woman, there were so many things that I needed to know. Janet and I talked that night about men, my future, and hers. She knew that I had let Greg sleep with me, but did not make a big deal about it. She simply wanted to know if I liked it. Well... duh! It was plain to the both of us that our futures were about to change. She really liked Jeff and was hoping for more, while I was very intent on completing my journey to full womanhood, and maybe a long future with Greg, or maybe another guy. The hormones had made my skin almost hairless, and very soft, I had my own boobs, and hips; the only thing missing was my own female genitalia. As the days became weeks, I became more and more fluid in my actions, and at work, my tips got better, and I actually had people requesting my section. Greg and I talked on the phone every day, and I actually felt giddy each time he called me "baby", or "honey". Janet and Jeff became a very big item, and I began to see her less and less, often for days on end. That meant that Greg and I had the house to ourselves, and he and I became a couple, one that was virtually married! I cooked the meals, did the laundry, cleaned the house and put out, while he mowed the lawn, fixed the cars, and other household things that needed fixing. In effect, we were living together, and frankly, I was loving it! I liked being a housewife! As much as I loved it, Janet reminded me that the goal had been to experience pregnancy, and since Greg and I were sleeping together, why not? The why not was that I would have to tell Greg that I was unable to have children; I would not have to tell him exactly why I couldn't have children, just that I couldn't, and have him agree to accept my having a fake pregnancy. I really didn't want to ask him. I was afraid that he would leave; then what? I thought about it for a long time before I approached Greg. Finally, I told him that I did not have the ability to have children, but not why. Then I told him that even though that was true, I wanted to experience being pregnant; the whole thing, for the entire nine months. He just sat there as I told him that, interested, but very calm. "I think I can understand not being able to have children, it's not that uncommon, but why fake a pregnancy? I mean, what's the point?" "Having a baby is the pinnacle for a woman honey, and even though I can't have children of my own, I want to enjoy the experience, and who knows, maybe it will make me a better mother if I adopt someday!" "Don't you mean when we adopt?" "What!? Are you asking me to marry you!?" "Susan, we're virtually married right now! So yes, I guess I am asking you to marry me!" I was stunned to say the least. Our relationship was one of mutual satisfaction, much like any marriage, yet to have him ask me that wasn't even on my radar! I'll admit that I had thought of it, but as much as I loved being a woman, I wasn't one, and how could I ever tell him that? I started to cry, unable to say yes or no. I was very conflicted, but more, I was afraid. How could I ever manage to become a real woman without him finding out? And if I told him the truth, would he still want me? Greg rose up, took me into his arms and just held me as I sobbed. Never in my entire life did I expect to find myself crying over the love of another man, yet there I was, crying because the man I had come to love more than life, had asked me to marry him! "Is it that bad? Marrying me?" "No! It's not you honey, it's me! There are things about me that you don't know, and I'm afraid to tell you!" "What? Did you kill someone?" Gathering my courage into a small tight, tense ball... "In a way, I guess I did! I killed myself." "Huh? What the hell does that mean?" "I used to be like you Greg. I was a guy like you, but things have changed, and now... now I'm a woman!" "A guy!? You're a guy!? You're telling me that I've been doing a guy!?" In a sudden and very angry tone, I said... "Stop that! Just listen to yourself! Think how stupid that is! You know damned well that I'm a woman! How many times have we.... that you wanted.... that I.... a guy! I am not a guy! Not now anyway! I was, but that's changed and you know it! But, if you feel that way then maybe you better just go!" Well, he stormed out of the house, angry and confused, while I fell back and started sobbing. My overwhelming desire to become a female had come true, yet the very thing that I wanted most, that special someone to love me for myself, not what I was, or wasn't, had just walked out the door, and probably wouldn't be coming back. I was a miserable wreck by the time Janet got home. She took one look at me and must have figured it out. I knew that I looked terrible, my hair was a mess, no makeup, and the stains of heartfelt tears on my cheeks. "Greg dumped you didn't he?" "I told him Janet. I had to!" "I know honey, but you knew the day was coming, didn't you?" "He hates me! Now I have nobody!" My wails reached a crescendo as I wallowed in my misery. "He doesn't hate you Susan! He's confused, just like you are! He can't figure out how a guy could do such a thing, and then become so feminine that he couldn't pick upon it!" "We... we've been sleeping together, and he still called me a guy!" "Yeah, well, he'll think about that, that's for sure! Let me call Jeff and find out what's going on." Twenty minutes later Janet returned. "Greg is very angry with you because you deceived him. I asked him what he would have done if you had told him the night we met, and he didn't answer me, which means he wouldn't have even called in the first place! But, I'm willing to bet that he'll get over it. If he loves you, and we both know that he does, and if he's the kind of man you want in your life, then he'll be back. On the other hand, if he does dump you, then you're free to have that surgery, right? Without any complications? You can become the woman you really are, and get on with your life! There are a lot of nice guys out there Susan; Greg is only one of them! Lets wait a bit and see what happens, okay?" I fell into a routine of work, and taking care of the house, my sullen pouting still there, just buried under my desire to forget what had happened. I was mad at myself for letting things get out of hand, and Greg was right. I had deceived him, but in my mind, only a little. In my eagerness to be a woman, I had let my desires get in the way of my common sense. I was the one at fault, not him, and I was determined not to let that happen again, and went back to my surgeon to set up my surgery. Four more months. That's how long I had to wait, and I would spend virtually all of my savings to become a woman, but it was going to be worth every penny. Almost two more weeks went by, the constant drudgery of my day to day routine my only solace, then, just when I was about to break free, Greg showed up on my doorstep! I hesitated to let him in, but did. "I am very angry with you Susan!" "Then why are you here?" "Because I'm in love with you dammit!" "And I love you too, but that doesn't cut it, not after..." "Did you know that Janet gave me a working over? She said that if I let you slip away that I would lose the best thing that ever happened to me!" He gave me that sneaky grin he has, then... "I think she's right Susan. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me." "What about my being born a male, like you? You didn't seem to like that very much Greg. In fact, you were angry as hell, even after I told you myself! Do you have any idea just how hard that was for me?" "No, but I can imagine." "I don't think you can. You have no idea how hard it is to tell someone you love dearly something like that!" "Can I say something?" "Sure," I said, just as he stepped close, and swept me into his arms, and kissed me, hard! "Get it now?" he asked. "Yeah. You're horny." "That too, but you have to know that I love you, I really do, and I think that it's time we worked this out!" Drawing back a little, I looked for some sign that he would hurt me, then said... "I want you to know that I am scheduled to have the surgery to make me a complete woman, in... nine weeks. I will not be able to have children of course, but nothing else will change, except that I absolutely intend to fake an entire pregnancy, just like I told you I would. If you can accept that, we can try it, but I'm not eager to get hurt again! Understand? So, I want to know, here and now, if you just want to get laid, or do you want someone that loves you?" "You know damn well that I wouldn't be here unless I loved you! And, do you have any idea just how sexy a pregnant woman is? No? Well, I can't wait to have you on my arm, with you in a maternity dress!" "That's because my boobs will get bigger," I said with a grin. "Nothing wrong with that is there? I'll manage!" Then he grabbed me, dragged me into his arms, and held me close, his warm breath on my neck making me shiver. His hand drifted south to my buns, and with a squeeze, he kissed me again. I was torn between making him leave and taking him to bed; instead, I moved away, and looked into his eyes. Then he grabbed my hand and pressed a ring into it! "Take it honey. Wear it. We can plan the wedding later." I held the ring tightly in my hand as I tried to digest what had just happened, but the mere fact that he once again asked me to marry him was confirmation enough for me, so I fell against him with a huge hug. "Maybe we could... celebrate?" he asked hopefully. "Not until after the wedding," I retorted, "or else I'll be old hat by then! No, you'll have to wait for that, but I can do this...." Greg accepted my offer, and later, we had a very long talk about my upcoming surgery and the aftermath, then, mundane things like where we would live, my pregnancy and so on. By the time he left I felt much better about the situation, all of my secrets bare to the bone, no deception, no lies, and no doubts were left, and, I still had the ring! The surgery went well and I completed that part of my journey, healing up within the usual time. Then Greg and I got married; it was a small ceremony, and we enjoyed each others company as husband and wife. About a month later I was fitted with a prosthetic that would allow me to look pregnant. Contrary to my expectations, Greg was overjoyed when I was about four months along. He was more than anxious to sleep with me, and our love making was quite vigorous, but I'm not complaining. Then came that stretch between the eighth and ninth month where all I could do was waddle around. The water was released on schedule, and I returned to normal, the baby we adopted arriving just a few weeks later. So. There I was, a wife and mother, our son a very big part of our lives. The dream had come true.... Baby!