Andy
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I'd given Lena her bottle, had covered her and now was at my homework. A
while later I asked myself what Sarah was up to. I walked with Lena
depending out over my belly to Mark's room.
They were sitting on the floor and shoving model cars around on the play
rug that had streets printed on it. From the way in which she sat there,
you could see that she was accustomed to long skirts. She had just shoved
a small red car when the axle detached and was left behind. At once Mark
explained that that was because she was a girl and therefore didn't have
any idea about cars.
What a little macho-man I thought with a smirk and went back to my
homework.
##
"Und what do you think of your first day as a substitute mommy?" I asked
Sarah on the way home.
"I have no brothers or sisters, and apparently I had forgotten how small
children are. Lena's diaper change shocked me a bit. At Aunt Sophie's it
was always so extremely clean and very particular; dirt was very much in
poor supply there."
"You can simply call it by name; it's plain shit."
"Yes, but with your bare hands- no matter, I know that it's completely
normal. It's getting clearer and clearer to me in what kind of world I
was living. I saw today what normal is. That makes the time I spent at
Aunt Sophie's seem completely unreal."
"I think that is the right attitude. Can you deal with even more of the
normal world?"
"And just what do you mean?"
"We have to fix supper now."
Sarah rolled her eyeballs, but then she smiled. "Whenever I think of that
delicious Schnitzel.... What are we making today?"
"Hmm... what would you say to a lovely noodle salad?"
"Haven't eaten that in ages. That really sounds good."
##
We passed a beautiful evening. Once again we couldn't imagine that Sarah
had ever had problems. She came across as so natural and friendly. Mom
too seemed to have taken the girl into her heart.
After the meal the doorbell rang. We looked up in surprise; who could
that be?
I opened the door and found a messenger who gave me a suitcase and had me
sign for it. Then I also received an envelope and he left.
Sarah looked at the suitcase and said, "That's mine."
I had given the envelope to Mom. After quickly reading she said, "It's
from the psychologist. The suitcase couldn't remain in the boarding house
since the room wasn't in use any more."
Sarah received this bit of news with undisguised joy.
"I have to say, it is a strange method of communicating to me that Sarah
now lives here," Mom said in a lightly ironic tone. Then she continued
with a much more friendly face, "That's not meant to apply to you," she
said to Sarah, "you are heartily welcome here with us."
Sarah's once doubtful face now radiated once again. "Many thanks. I feel
very welcome here."
"Is there anything important in the suitcase?"
"Actually not. The dress that I was wearing when I was picked up at Aunt
Sophie's and some lingerie, nightgowns and the like. Nothing that I want
to wear again. Oh yes, my medicines."
"Medicines?"
"Hormones. The doctor said I should continue taking them until a decision
has been made."
"And, are you doing that?"
"Yes. He warned me what the consequences might be otherwise. In the
meantime my exterior will scarcely change at all, for the fairly small
breasts I've acquired took almost a year."
"Fairly small?" I said. "Compared to mine they are gigantic."
"Now, now, no envy, please," Sarah responded with a grin.
"Enough talk about breasts," interrrupted Mom. "Why did you actually
leave your aunt?"
"Heart attack. Marie found her dead in her bed one morning. Otherwise I'd
still be there." She shuddered.
"And what happened then?"
"Marie called an emergency doctor, and he called the police. They told me
to pack a suitcase and took me along with them. Then I went into a nerve
clinic," she shuddered anew, "but thank God just for a short time. The
psychologist took me out for which I am very thankful. I believe I've not
yet told him, I was so confused. I'll make up for that."
"Good, you can do that on Monday. You both have to see him then," Mom
stated.
"Oh, Mrs. Weber won't like that," I interjected.
"That won't really be a problem. It has to be at half past twelve, so
you'll miss part of the school day. Here, Andrea, that's the excuse for
school." She gave me a slip of paper.
Then we sat around in the livingroom and played cards in the evening. It
was nice being three persons; you can have a lot more fun.
##
Since it was Saturday we didn't have breakfast until nine. Mom spoke to
Sarah, "Andrea told me that your bras don't fit right. Don't you have any
of your own?"
"Nothing that I would like to wear. Just some ancient stuff. I'd prefer
to go without a bra."
"I don't think that that is very suitable." And she looked at Sarah's
breasts, where obviously two nipples were pressing through the
sweatshirt. "I understand that you want nothing to do with the dress
rules of your aunt, but you need to maintain a certain standard. Your
skirt is already short enough."
We were both wearing jeans mini-skirts. I with somewhat heavier cotton
tights; she absolutely wanted to wear sheer pantyhose, although it was
cold outside. A need to make up for the past, I assumed.
"But I don't have any suitable bras," said Sarah.
"And that's exactly why we're going shopping now," Mom answered.
"I don't have any money. I never got an allowance from Aunt Sophie."
"Allowances aren't meant for buying clothing. I'll take care of that."
"But I can't accept that... we've just met each other, and I already live
here and Andrea gives me her clothing..."
"Exactly. If I am to take you under my wing, then you are going to look
respectable. And a few bras aren't going to cost the world."
In the meantime I had scavenged around in my purse and come up with a few
small bills. "Your share of the pay from babysitting."
"N-No! I couldn't even change a diaper."
"At the same time, you did help, and that is your pay. Just take it."
But she wouldn't listen. Instead she stormed out of the room.
I was totally confused. "Did I insult her?"
Now you could hear the sobbing noises from the bathroom.
"No," Mom answered, "but she is apparently no longer accustomed to things
we accept as a matter of course. Don't forget, she's gone through a lot.
And even if she acts fairly normal, she's not really there yet. We'll
have to look out for her."
"Should I go after her?"
"No, better not. Let her calm down; she'll come again soon."
And as always Mom was right. A few minutes later she returned with red
eyes and black smudges on her cheeks.
"OK now?" I asked her.
She nodded. "But I can't take the money from you."
"Oh yes you can. If not I'll be mad at you. Please be nice and take it;
you did earn it."
"But..."
I made a face. "If you don't take it now, then I'm going to have to run
around the whole day with my face looking like this. And you'll have to
pay the doctor to make me normal again. So please reconsider."
Now she had to laugh. "OK, I surrender. But next time I change the diaper
no matter how bad it smells."
"I like you much better like this," I opined. "Come, let's fix our make-
up, then we can go."
##
It was clear that Sarah was not accustomed to going shopping. At least I
had a limited knowledge through my experiences with Svenja. I could
scarcely believe how much I'd been afraid to try on a pair of ballerina
flats that first time. Now things had changed. I had no further
inhibitions against trying on anything that I saw. So I pulled Sarah
along, who observed the displays with ever wider opening eyes.
When we came to the lingerie department, she was already rather relaxed.
But there was still a bit of shyness there. I could understand that; she
had never gone shopping for something feminine. So I spoke to the
saleslady. "My friend needs a new bra; she has been experiencing a growth
spurt. Could you measure her for the correct size?"
With a fiery red face Sarah let the procedure take its course. And in
contrast to me she was buying lingerie for genuine breasts. No one would
harbor suspicion that she was a boy. Everything one hundred percent
genuine.
The trying on of the first bra supplied yet another hurdle. But as soon
as she was wearing a form-fitting sexy bra, she was enthused. True, it
was no wonderbra, but it moved her breasts up a bit and together. An
effect that pleased her very much.
With the new self-confidence in her chest obvious to all who looked, she
had no problems with the next purchases. Satisfied, but rather worn out -
we had also done the weekly grocery shopping - we set out for home. No
one felt like cooking, and so we unloaded the things out of the car and
went to the pizzeria around the corner.
##
After eating Mom took a little siesta on the couch. Sarah and I went into
her room. As the guest room there wasn't much there and we had more space
than in my room.
"Do you want to tell more of your story?"
"Yes. And it is good that I have my suitcase."
I wasn't quite sure what she meant by that, but I got comfortable on the
bed next to her. That was also something that had changed. Had I been
with one of my older friends, I would have sat on a chair at some
distance. The interval with which I would have felt comfortable would
probably have been at least a meter. That's apart from sitting where
there just was no choice such as on a bus. But even there I didn't feel
really at ease being so close.
With Sarah it was totally different. I had no problem sitting right next
to her on the bed; it didn't feel disagreeable in the least. And Sarah
seemed to welcome the nearness.
"Good, where did I stop? Oh yes, Aunt Sophie had given me her lecture.
Now she sent me into my girly room to Marie who was waiting there for me.
Does 'Biedermeier' tell you anything?"
"I've heard the word, but I'm not sure of its meaning."
"At that time I wasn't familiar with it either. But from on it was things
out of this era that I wore. Later I looked once in a dictionary, when I
was trying to figure out why I had to wear such strange clothing. There
it said:
"After the epoch of the Empire-style (1795-1820) ladies fashion
in the Biedermeier became plainer but also significantly less
comfortable. After 1835 the waist was again expressly
emphasized, and petticoat and corset were elevated to indis-
pensible pieces of clothing for the higher social classes.
Already by 1820 the sleeves of day dresses had become so
voluminous that they were a hindrance for playing the piano.
"They were called leg-of-mutton sleeves or designated as
balloon- or gigot sleeves. These kept their shape through the
use of horsehair and whalebone. Patterned designs were very
popular: checks, stripes or flowered. For evening, iridescent
silks were chosen. The typical head covering of this period
was the bonnet, a hat similar to a hood. The shoes were flat
without heels. Kashmir shawls and sunshades were important
accessories.
([*This article was taken from Wikipedia]
"But now - as it happened: I walked with a very strange feeling to my new
room, because the feminine furnishings, in connection to Aunt Sophie's
speech, had me imagining the worst. But I still didn't want to
acknowledge it. Up till now, like all boys I knew, I had always made a
large detour around all girlish things. A pink shirt like my father had
would have been unthinkable for me.
"It would have already been bad enough for me if I had just had to put on
a skirt. But I guarantee you these things no girl would wear any more;
she would be ashamed. Can you imagine how a boy would feel? Surely not. I
would like for you to understand how I felt. Would you wear the stuff
that I had to wear from that time on?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Good, then undress. That was the first thing that Marie wanted me to
do."
"Uh - undress? Here?"
"Why not? We are two boys of the same age; that shouldn't be a problem. I
had to get undressed in front of a woman I didn't even know."
Should I really undress? I hesitated.
"Andrea, you really don't have to worry. I've already seen your upper
body."
I gave myself a push. "OK." I undressed right down to my panties.
"I kept my undershorts on, too. But Marie didn't want me to stop there.
You've already noticed how disagreeable that is. Marie told me, if I
didn't do it, then she would have to go get Aunt Sophie. And she had
already told me what would happen if I didn't do what she said. Anyway it
took some time and a lot of convincing from Marie before I finally did
it. Actually just because Marie was so nice."
She was looking at me in a challenging way. Pretty reluctantly I pulled
off my panties.
Sarah went to her suitcase and took something out. When she laid it
around my chest I recognized it as a corset. She began to lace it and
went on with her story.
"I stood there just like that. It was super painful. I was naked and
Marie was lacing me into a corset. For that I could have kept my
undershorts on. I've come to understand that it was only done that way to
humiliate me."
The corset was closing in around me more and more. It was significantly
tighter than the bodyshaper I had worn under the folk costume.
After some time it seemed to me that my upper body had been laced up to
an unbelievable degree of tightness. And it was so rigid! Even more
disagreeable was the fact that I was naked down below. "Aren't there any
underpants?"
"Aunt Sophie was very meticulous about the clothing. I asked Marie the
same thing. She said there were no underpants."
"What, no underpants? What was she trying to accomplish?"
"I had asked that of myself. Later I figured out that underpants for
women are relatively modern. In those days they simply didn't wear any."
"Honestly?" I'd never heard about that.
Sarah nodded. "Yes, it's true. I don't know if that was the reason Aunt
Sophie picked out this clothing or if there were other reasons. At any
rate I was never able to get used to it."
"You didn't have any underpants on the whole time you were with your
aunt?"
She nodded.
"Well, slowly I'm beginning to really understand what you have been
through. What about the corset?"
"I always had to wear one. Even for nights there was a special sleeping-
corset."
"Unbelievable. What did women actually do on those times when they had
their days?"
"No idea. It wasn't one hundred percent authentic anyway because I had to
wear modern full-fashioned stockings. Those are coming up next."
The corset was also fabricated from modern materials. Now I got heavy,
dull full-fashioned stockings, brand name Grandma. Absolutely not sexy.
If Sarah had had to constantly wear them, then I could understand her
fascination for the beautifully shimmering thin pantyhose.
"You probably haven't looked at me so closely yet, but almost a year in a
corset and then hormones in addition has had an effect." She began to
undress while I fastened the stockings to the corset straps.
Now I saw Sarah in just her panties. She had a remarkable figure. No
doubt this was a girl, even if she had a little bump in her panties. Her
waist was probably smaller than Biene's. No, it was for sure smaller.
With her breasts she totally looked the part of a girl; she could have
worn a bikini swimming - if she had been able to conceal her penis
better.
Next came two small boots without heels. "That explains why you weren't
doing so well with the low heels on the college-shoes."
"Yes, I had seen you walk in those heels with no problems and thought I
wouldn't have any either. But it wasn't so simple."
"All beginnings are hard. You get used to it in a hurry." While we were
talking I laced up the shoes. "These shoes are not particularly
comfortable."
"Just like everything else. Wait until you have the dress on. But first
comes the crinoline."
I received an underskirt which was pushed out by several concentric
circles. At the waist it was fastened with a ribbon instead of with
rubber fasteners. Although the skirt offered freedom of movement for my
legs by reason of the circles holding out the crinoline, I was definitely
limited in my movements.
That became even more pronounced with the dress. It extended all the way
to the floor. Since Sarah had worn it, you could see traces of dirt on
the hem. You couldn't avoid letting it touch the ground.
The sleeves were very wide and stiffened with something, so that they
stood out from my arm. Sarah had to fasten the dress with buttons and
ribbons since I wasn't up to the job.
"The dress is not as stiff now as it was, because I've already worn it.
Normally the material is starched and is rather bulky."
"I'm already finding it pretty bad. You can't do anything! The gigantic
skirt gets in the way and the sleeves are just as bad. I wouldn't know
how a person could sit down at a table to say nothing of being able to
eat."
"Oh, you learn. I learned. Not just to eat wearing it, but to do all
sorts of jobs. To be sure changing diapers wasn't one of them," she
grinned.
"That would also scarcely be possible. And you wore this every day?"
"Yes. Without exception. Yet, right at the beginning there was an
exception."
"And why?"
"I'll get to that in a moment. Now just imagine how I felt while I was
wearing this dress. Can you do that?"
"By now I've already worn a lot of dresses, even an Alice in Wonderland
costume and a farmer folkcostume. But never anything like this. It's
unbelievable, how much material is gathered around you. You're
permanently aware of what you are wearing. And the tight corset in
addition. But the worst is that I am naked under the skirt. I really
can't imagine how it would have been if I had been forced to do this."
"Yes, es really was bad. But at first I thought it would just be for
three days. Something like an initiation. I talked myself into being able
to survive three days."
"How did you come up with three days?"
"It was the period that Aunt Sophie had set for me. And then, too, I
still wanted to believe that my clothes were being sent after me."
You seem to recall all your experiences rather easily.
"Well, I think a number of people have misunderstood things. When the
police saw me in this get-up and then learned that my name was Bernd they
couldn't believe it. I suspect they didn't completely believe my story.
Maybe they thought I wanted to wear such things and now would only deny
everything. At any rate they made it fairly simple: Doesn't look normal,
off to the psychiatrist."
"You mean, that what they've told us isn't really the way things were?"
"No idea what they've told you. But I did at one time hear 'suicide-
prone.' Complete nonsense. I just wanted out of those clothes. Just to
wear pants again and most of all a pair of undershorts. A normal skirt
wouldn't have bothered me at all."
"Now I'm beginning to understand a few things. We've got to talk with Mom
about this. It's best that we do it right now."
"But I wanted to get to the end..."
"No, this is more important. Your future depends on it. Eventually you're
going to be in another clinic or in some kind of home."
She looked upset. "Never again a clinic. The doctors and care-givers were
really nice, but the other patients... I think if I were to be there for
an extended period of time then I really would become nuts."
"Good, then let's find out if Mom is finished with her siesta. But first,
open this dress for me."
"No."
"Whatdya mean, no?"
"First it's probably a good idea if your mother sees for herself what
happened. And then I feel you can easily keep the dress on for a while.
If I could do it for a year, you can manage a few hours. Then you can
understand me even better, and I think I need someone who understands
me."
"OK, I agree. But one thing I still want to know, why did you put on my
mini-skirt?"
"I've already told you: It seemed wonderful to me how positively you
present yourself. For you there just wasn't a problem in being a boy
dressed as a girl. And I'm not stupid. I've seen myself in the mirror
dressed in jeans. I look like a girl and I can't do anything about that.
Not in the short run anyhow. Above all I can't conceal breasts of this
size over the long haul. I've tried to do that out of curiosity. It'll
work for a while, then the bandages pretty quickly begin to be rather
uncomfortable. Who knows how the doctors have interpreted that. They
interpret how I clean my nose. At any rate I've thought to myself, if I'm
going to have to look like a girl, then I can dress like one. Like a
modern girl, I mean. I was really curious how your clothing would feel."
She stroked across the jeans skirt and the pantyhose. "And I have to say,
it feels exciting. And even better is a bra that fits. After experiencing
the corset even your bra that didn't fit so well was really nice, but
this is fantastic. And just don't think I don't appreciate the sight of a
pair of pretty breasts. In the bra they look great."
I found his openness engaging. "Does that mean that you are going to
remain a girl?"
"I've been away from Aunt Sophie for such a short time and so much has
transpired, I haven't really had a chance to reflect. But at the moment I
feel very comfortable. For the next little while at least I will remain
like this, even if it's just to find out what life is like for a modern
girl. A Biedermeier-girl I would not like to be. Never again!"
"I think I understand certain things. Good, let's go to Mom."
"No, first let me do a suitable hairstyle for you and make you up."
Sarah pulled my hair to the back into a firm knot. Right and left there
remained a few long strands. There was very little to note about the
make-up, but I did look a little like the women, with whom I was familiar
from old pictures.
"That's it; now we can go. Watch out on the stairs; it isn't so easy in a
crinoline because you can't see the steps."
Sarah supported me on the staircase, because it really was difficult. Mom
still lay there on the couch, but she was awake. He eyes opened wide when
she saw me. "Wow! Where did you get this dress?"
"It's mine," Sarah answered. "That is what I wore at Aunt Sophie's. One
of many."
"Every day," I added. "And always with a corset."
"Every day!?!? That's unbelievable." Mom was visibly enraged.
"You have to know certain things," I told her. "Not everything is as we
have been led to believe." And then Sarah and I told her everything.
"Can we still trust the psychologist?" I asked.
"Just don't make snap decisions," Mom replied. "He appears to me to be a
responsible person, but naturally he constructs his diagnoses on those of
other physicians. I think it best if Monday I go to see him."
"But you have to work?"
"I'll take myself a half-day's vacation."
Then Sarah got into the discussion. "That's not a good idea. I mean, you
have already done so much for me; I can't accept even more."
"Sarah, there are several reasons why you are not correct. First, Andrea
has often had her friends here for a visit, so that's nothing unusual. I
like to have you here as a guest. But apparently the seriousness of your
situation is not clear to you. The psychologist has already drawn some
false conclusions from his lack of facts. If just a little more gets
pointed in the wrong direction, then there can be some unsavory
consequences."
Sarah nodded with a serious face.
"And I myself am not sure, whether the two of you can get matters
arranged. Andrea has often showed that she is not yet an adult. Even if
recently she has made the effort," she added in response to my look at
her. "Sarah, how do you think matters should go from here on?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I can't go to my parents, and I don't want
to since I know that they planned all that with Aunt Sophie. Aunt Sophie
is dead, I don't have other relatives. That means, I'll go into a home
like people have already mentioned. I suppose it will be until I am an
adult. And I really don't want to imagine what awaits me there."
"I don't see it quite so pessimistically, but in principle you have it
right. In your present situation a foster family might indeed be
difficult. But assuming you will become a boy again, then it would look
quite different after appropriate treatment."
"By the time we get that far, I'll be sixteen. Who will take anyone at
the age of sixteen?"
Mom didn't say anything to that. It was clear to me why. Sarah was right.
"Couldn't she stay with us?"
Sarah suddenly looked very hopeful.
"That shows us that you are not yet grown up. First, you've known each
other just a few days. Much too little to make a decision about a long
term future. And then another child costs something. Not just food, but
also clothing. And precisely you," she looked at me, "should know how
expensive that is. But that's not even all of it; many other things cost
money. More money than I have."
"We both let our heads hang down."
Mom saw how depressed we were. "Good,now I want to make it a little
easier. Sarah can stay here for a while until details about the future
have been decided. For the next few weeks."
Emotional as I knew Sarah to be, she jumped up and hugged Mom. Mom would
have been able to cope with that alone, but now I did the same thing as
well as the dress allowed me to. That could only have ended by someone
stepping on the skirt, and I would have crash-landed if Sarah hadn't held
me up.
At any rate the mood was better at a moment's notice. "We've gotta
celebrate," I yelled. "with a terrific meal."
"Good idea," Mom agreed. "What do you intend to do?"
"First get out of this dress. Then I can have a look at what we have."
I had made my plans without taking Mom into account. "Oh no, my dear.
It's finally time for you to be as grown up as you like to think you are.
You need to be clear about the consequences of your deeds before you do
something. You just don't put on a dress that you can't get off again.
You stay in that dress."
Nadene
- 28.02.2022
- 7
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