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Mom's Girl Redux Part 5 by Elizabeth Joanne Chapter 15 Those first few days were really a blur. I spent more time packing up and lugging things to the Salvation Army than anything else. Yes I did have my fun Saturday night at the bar and all the girls teased me I was now one of them. Kathy went as far as to tell me I needed to carry a tampon in my purse now or at the very least a maxi pad. She did laugh when I told her at my age the "change" had already gotten to me. It is funny because I have always found more acceptance amongst the lesbian community then the gay community. I had gay friends and would sometimes go out with them but for the most part I hung with the girls. Sunday I even went to church and had a talk with the pastor. I didn't tell him I was TG but rather said I was recently divorced and starting over. He did ask me to join the parish and I told him I would think about it as I wasn't really sure I was going to settle here. Still I felt welcome and maybe even more important I felt a peace when I went to church. Still not sure it is for me long term but it was filling a niche I needed filled right now. I know Mom would be proud of me if I told her. Monday I dropped 3 huge bags of clothes I no longer needed at the Salvation Army. I told the woman there my husband had left me and I was getting back at him. She laughed but told me they got a few larger donations like that. As I drove away I wondered if she truly believed me but they were happy as all those clothes were in excellent condition and high quality. Hopefully they will help someone get on their feet or do some other good. I sure didn't need them anymore. At least I had a receipt so I could use them as a tax deduction. Are you really ready for this Beth I asked myself as I stared in the mirror that Tuesday morning. I hadn't had a haircut since last September and the 6 plus months of growth meant my hair was well beyond my collar. I looked at the wig there on the vanity counter and hoped never again. I just curled my hair a bit and went to get dressed. I have an appointment with Margo this morning to see what we could do with it. I really wished it was longer but that will come in time. At least I still had a full head of hair and if anything it had gotten thicker after starting my hormone therapy. I have seen a lot of women with my hair length and even shorter and they look nice. Also it was spring by now and summer was coming and I really didn't want to be wearing a wig. Well time to get going Beth and see what Margo can do. She has never failed you yet. I was early and thumbing through a magazine when Margo came out to get me. She told me she could see how happy I was. She also told me she was happy for me as well. I had been coming to Margo for a few years now and she knew how long I waited for all of this. She said come on back as she had some ideas for my hair in its current length which I thought was still too short. She looked at my hair and told me to relax, she knew what to do. I have to admit I was a bit nervous as she started snipping away but she assured me she was just evening it up and layering it a bit so it would hold a curl better. She washed my hair before she put a few highlights in it. Not too dramatic to start she said, just to see how they would look. Those had to stay in for 15 minutes. She then washed my hair again and soon my hair was in curlers and I was under the dryer. As my hair dried I got a manicure and pedicure. Nothing too dramatic, just a medium pink and no false nail tips. My nails grow pretty quickly so in no time I should have a decent set of nails. I have tried the real long ones and they are a real pain anyway between making difficult to pick up anything and putting runs in my hose. It seemed like a lifetime but finally my hair was dry and back in Margo's chair. She made sure my back was to the mirror as she took the rollers out. She said something about the highlights turned out better than even she thought they would. She took her time brushing it out and using hair spray but finally she took a step back and smiled. "Not too bad if I do say so myself," she smiled. "Ready Beth?" "Ready as I am ever going to be," I smiled. "OK, close your eyes and I will turn you around to the mirror," she said. "You will know when you stop it is time to look." I closed my eyes and felt the chair as it swiveled around. I felt it come to a stop but still kept my eyes closed. Its now or never Beth I thought to myself. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. There staring back from the mirror was an attractive woman. The highlights were perfect and definitely not too over the top. Was I beautiful? No, but I was at least attractive enough to turn a head or two I hoped. I wanted to say something but all I could do was stare with a tear running down my cheek. "Well?" Margo smiled. "Oh my God! You're an artist," I said as she took the cape from me. "I know that," she laughed. "Do you like it?" "I love it," I said as I stood up and gave her a hug. "There is a lot more we can do with it when it grows out a bit more but I think it looks pretty good now," she said. "Besides the longer it is the more work and fussing it needs." "I suppose but just once I want to try it longer," I smiled as I continued to stare at the woman staring back at me from the mirror. "I can understand that Honey, I will tell you this style should work good when you drop the top and go out teasing the truckers," Margo laughed. "I would never do that!" Then I got a sneaky smile and added, "Well not always." "Oh we have all done it once or twice girl," she giggled. I grabbed my purse and headed out front after tipping Margo and the manicure girl. I paid my bill and as Margo recommended I made an appointment for a month out to get the ends trimmed and maybe more highlights. Have to think about that those for a bit though. See how they grow on me. It was sunny and probably 60 degrees out so I figured why not. I dropped the top and off I went. I had another stop already scheduled today but I was early so I stopped for a light lunch. Time to start watching the figure Beth. I pulled up in front of Harp's and in I went. I had discovered Harp's about 10 years ago and Vivian the owner was also a friend to the CD community. She carried a couple high end styles of attachable of breast forms like the ones I had on now. Also while she carried many of the frillier and lacy styles of lingerie and underwear she carried many supportive foundation garments, including some that were retro and similar to the styles of the 50's and early 60's a lot of the girls preferred. Though those were not my general style I do admit to having a few of those in my drawers. I just looked around as she was finishing up with a customer. Lots of new and pretty things but those were not my reason for being here today. "I love the new wig Beth," she smiled after finishing up with the customer she had been helping. "Its not a wig Vivian," I smiled. "What you see now is all me." "Are you trying to tell me that you are finally taking the big step?" "Uh huh," I smiled. "Do you really like it?" "It looks great on you and the highlights make you look younger," she smiled. "Come in just to show off?" "Well kind of," I giggled. "And I think because of a lot of things it may be time for a new look." "In what aspect?" "Well I have started hormone therapy which means I will hopefully develop breasts of my own although not to this size probably," I said as I looked down at my rack. "I guess maybe I thought I should downsize so it is not so obvious." "Well this is a first." she giggled. "Normally with girls like you it is bigger is better." "Oh don't get me wrong I like being big and the looks but things have changed so I had better get used to it." "That makes sense," Vivian smiled. "Come on and lets see what we can do for you." I followed her into the fitting room and after checking I was still a 36 band she left and came back with a bra and several different sizes and styles of breast forms. We checked them all and decided on the ones that made me a smaller B cup. Then she came back with several bras for me to try. "I would have thought now that I am smaller I wouldn't need an underwire anymore," I said as I tried them on. "Well I suppose you could go with a soft cup but to honest the underwire supports and lifts better regardless of cup size Beth," she smiled as she helped adjust the straps as they were in the back. "I recommend underwire bras for all women but if you would like a soft cup I can get one for you." "Well you are the expert," I smiled. "Still maybe one?" "Certainly, be right back." I ended up with 5 bras, 3 underwire bras and the one soft cup as well as a strapless one. After all summer is right around the corner. I thanked Vivian for all her help and she told me I was most welcome. She did tell me that once I start to see some develop to come in right away as it is important to start them out right and minimize sag. I promised I would. I paid for everything and as I walked out to my car I was starting to realize this was going to be expensive at least in the beginning, I had spent almost $1000 today between the salon and here. Better go home and have dinner there Beth. You've spent enough money for one day. Chapter 16 It has been almost a week and I am still getting used to the new me. My balance is different to be polite but at least my back doesn't ache anymore. I do admit my dresses and tops fit better and I don't get every man staring at my chest. Most yes but not every one! Kathy teased me a little about it Saturday night when I went to the bar. I explained my reasoning and she understood still she had to take a shot or two. It was all in good fun and I will admit I would have been a little disappointed in her if she hadn't. I was up early that Wednesday morning, April 13, 2005. I hadn't slept well but that was all nerves I was sure. Today was yet another big day in Beth's short life or maybe better said the first day of her life or the last day of her brother's, not really sure which. Today my name change was going through legally, I sat there with my probably too many cups of coffee and thought about the past and the future, Yes it had been a good life until now and I suppose I could have gone on a few more years on autopilot but I wanted more. I wanted this new life and over just these past few days I had come to understand I needed it. Everything seems so clear to me now. Enough daydreaming Beth! Time to get it in gear and get yourself dressed and on your way. I had already selected what to wear today, the burgundy skirted suit with the bone colored sleeveless silk shell. It was definitely classy and expensive and with its hem conservatively below my knees very proper for court in my mind. I knew from my attorney told me this was just a formality still I wanted to make a good impression. In my mind I felt that a conservative classy appearance would show I was serious about this and it was just not some silly escapade. I had even decided on the bone pumps and a bone leather purse and simple gold jewelry. I dressed and probably triple checked myself in the mirror before heading out. The traffic wasn't bad still it took me 45 minutes to get to the courthouse and another 10 minutes to find a parking spot and walk inside. I looked at my watch and it was still only 9:50 and the court wouldn't even start for another 10 minutes. I saw by the roster posted on the courtroom door my case was 4th on the list so I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down to wait. John showed up a few minutes later and sat down next to me. He could sense my anticipation and reassured me this was just a formality so relax. Easy for him to say, its not his future we are talking about. It was almost 11:30 when they called my case. We went into the courtroom and sat at the desk in front of the bench. The judge was going through some papers and John fished a file folder from his briefcase. Finally the judge looked up and John motioned for me to stand up. In retrospect it was very anticlimactic as I was asked a few questions and had to sign a few papers which John said were just a legal formality. One stated I was not changing my name to evade any legal proceedings, one stated I assumed all the liabilities of the person I was, one allowed me to assume all the resources I currently had, and one stated I had 30 days from today to notify all interested parties of my new name and a proper address to contact me at. All of these I had to sign in both my current name as well as Beth. The final paper stated I was doing this of my own free will and not under duress. I felt a sense of relief as I signed that one as I signed my former name for hopefully the last time. The clerk took all the papers and the judge quickly glanced them over before speaking. "Do you understand why you are here and all these documents you just signed?" he asked. "Yes your honor," I replied as business like as I could. "You do understand this action does not relieve you of any liabilities you have accumulated and need to notify all parties within 30 days of your new name?" "Yes your honor." "And you are doing this of your own free will?" "Yes your honor." "Do you have any questions of the court?" "No your honor." "Very well," he said as he signed a paper before him. "From this date forward you are legally known as Elizabeth Joanne Blair." I felt the tear run down my cheek as he said those words. Beth had finally arrived legally! He handed the paper he had just signed to his clerk and she disappeared through a door. As the old song goes "is that all there is?" Here I am taking a life changing step and on to face the cold, cruel world and the judge was so clinical in his actions and words. Sure it is just a job to him and has probably done this 100's of times before but a simple congratulations would have meant so much to me. John gathered up his papers and we exited the courtroom. He said the papers would be ready in about 15 minutes and pointed to where I could get them. He also said I would probably need a certified copy for everybody. I told him I realized that and had counted about 30 or so I may need but was planning on getting 50 to be safe, after all the first one was $20 and each one after that was only $2. He did ask me if I wanted to get together later and celebrate and I said thanks but no thanks, too much to do right now. He smiled and told me I had his number if I changed my mind. I might later on but right now I had things I wanted to do. I ended up with 51 copies of the legal order, the girl made a mistake and made one extra so I said sure just give it to me. I paid the $120 and made my way back to my car. I admit to sitting there in my car for a couple of minutes just staring at the legal order with a huge smile on my face and tears of joy running down my cheeks. You should have one of these framed Beth as it is truly an announcement you have finally arrived. Enough of this silliness Beth. You have a lot to do. I dried my tears and checked my makeup in the mirror on the visor and off I went. I drove straight to the closest Secretary of State office. As always this was an exercise of hurry up and wait. I took the number and saw I had 86 and according to the monitor on the wall they were serving number 49. Oh well Beth take a seat and wait your turn. I went through my list of things I had to get changed as I waited my turn. Well that and peeking at the legal orders in my hand. It all seemed a fairy tale but that was about to change. The older brunette at the far end of the desk called out Number 86. I gathered up my papers and went up to the desk. "What can we do for you today?" she asked. "I need to get my name changed on my license, title, and registration," I smiled. "Just got married? Here fill this out," she said as she shoved a paper in front of me. "And give me your license and registration." "Not like that," I said as I handed her the court order. "Well this is different," she said as she read the court order. "I am going to have to ask someone about this but I will still need your license and registration." She took the paper and went over to talk to another person. As I fished out my old license and registration I could see them both glance back at me a couple of times. It was not threatening or even mocking looks but more of shock. Not sure if they believed who I really was or had never encountered anything like this. Finally she returned with a couple of papers. She told me I needed to fill these out and took my license and registration. I dutifully filled out the forms as she checked my license and registration for tickets and the like. Finally we had both finished our tasks. "No outstanding tickets or parking tickets," she smiled as she looked over the papers I had filled out. "Good to know," I smiled. "I haven't had a ticket in quite a few years now other than the one parking ticket last year and that was my own fault for losing track of time." She then proceeded to insert a piece of paper into the printer. I watched as she typed on the computer and soon the printer spit out the sheet she had inserted. She did the same with two different sheets She handed them to me and told me to check them over for mistakes and to sign each both in my old name and my new one. There were no mistakes so I signed them and handed back to her. "OK Honey time for the rude awakening," she laughed. "We need to take your picture for your new license so over there. There is a mirror so you can check yourself before we do it." I followed her over to the end of the desk. I took a look in the mirror. This is as good as it gets Beth so I turned and faced the camera. I smiled and she took the picture. We then went back to her place at the desk. She took a minute getting some papers organized. I thought I had a pretty good smile for the picture but we all know how bad everyone's drivers license picture really is. "Here is your temporary license, the new one should arrive in about 2 weeks," she said as she handed me the first piece of paper. "This will serve as your license until you get the permanent one but it is only valid for 30 days so if for any reason your new license doesn't arrive in 3 weeks or so you should come back in." "OK," I smiled as I put it in my purse. "This is your new registration so destroy the old one," she said as she handed me the next paper. "And finally this is the application for a change in title. Again the new one should arrive in about 2 weeks. Anything else I can help you with or questions?" "No, I think that is all right now," I smiled as I put the papers in my purse. "Thank you." "You are welcome," she smiled. "And you have a nice day." "Thank you and you as well," I smiled. I left and once in my car I put the new license and registration in my wallet. The new license was just a piece of paper stapled to my old one but it meant the world to me. It was like someone had finally endorsed what I was doing. No hiding anymore or fear of being discovered, it was all Beth now. I did notice my drivers license number had changed, guess I have to learn the new one. It was already after 3 so I headed towards home. I did stop at a small framing shop just a couple of blocks from my apartment to get 2 copies of my court order proclaiming me as really me now, one for me and one for Mom. It was obvious the owner was gay and he just smiled as he looked at paper telling me "You go girl!" I went back to the apartment and poured myself a healthy double. I sat at the table with my drink and stared first the court order then my drivers license. I felt a satisfaction that finally I was me. I knew this was just another step but to me it was an important one. I did walk over to the bar and had dinner there. Kathy and the girls there were all happy for me and kept buying me drinks. I do admit I was a bit tipsy, well maybe a little more than a bit, when I finally got back to my place and changed for bed. You are going to have a headache tomorrow morning Beth but one you have earned. Chapter 17 I was surprised I didn't have a headache when I woke up that Thursday morning. Guess those couple of Advil I took before going to bed did the trick. I supposed I could have just pulled on some jeans and a top today as I had a lot of running to do but somehow I wanted to reinforce my new identity so I wore a skirt and heels. It was barely 8 when I left the apartment so I stopped for some breakfast. In spite of my restless sleep the night before and all the excitement of yesterday the 6 1/2 hours of sleep last night was all I needed. I lingered with an extra cup of coffee after I ate so I was sure the bank was open. Tom at the bank was helpful but he knew of my plans as we had talked before. Yes there were more forms to fill out and sign and all that but it took only an hour and everything was done. Well an hour and 2 more copies of my name change. He told me to just destroy the Visa in my old name as Beth already had a card in her name and the account was just changed over to note her as the card holder and responsible for the account. He said to keep using my old debit card until the new one showed up in about 2 weeks as the account numbers were the same. What is with 2 weeks? Is that just a magic number everyone pulls out of their ass I laughed to myself when he said that. I did order some new checks. These in a floral design with just Beth's name on them. Again another 2 weeks! He did tell me the change looked good on me and if there was anything I needed to call. As I left I wondered what he really thought and if I weren't such a good customer with a decent amount on deposit with them would he have been so polite or helpful? I know I am in a better place financially than most girls doing this. Do they have it as easy as I have so far or are they treated like pariahs? My next stop was my broker. Again I was treated well as I had a fair sized portfolio there. I was far from what I considered rich but I was definitely comfortable, then again I worked hard for 29 years to get here. Keith was not only my broker but also a friend and a crossdresser himself. As he waded through all the forms he told me he was jealous of me and what I was doing but also realized that was not the path for him. We talked more about what I was doing and going through so far than the actual formalities. What should have normally should have taken an hour at best took over 2. I thanked him for everything and he told me not to be a stranger and I should at least stop by the support group meeting sometime if not the bar if nothing else to show off. I told him I would think about it and set about to the next stop in my list, the Social Security office. This was more like the Secretary of State yesterday rather than the bank and broker today, take a number and wait your turn. I took a seat and started crossing things off my list and going over what else had to be done. A lot of them could be handled by mail using the letter John had drafted. I made a mental note to stop at the post office and get some more stamps. It was probably 90 minutes before my number was called and I went up to the counter. I went up and explained my situation and handed her a certified copy of the court order and my drivers license. "Let me get this straight," she said as she stared at me. "This was you and now this is you?" "Yes ma-am," I smiled. "Well I am going to have to see what we need to do, this isn't just like changing your name because you got married though I am sure you will never do that," she said in a disgusted tone of voice. I said nothing and watched as she walked but in my mind I was thinking just who the hell do you think you are bitch? You have no right to judge or tell me how to live my life! Still I know what a pain in the ass these government employees can be so I held my thoughts to myself. She was gone probably 15 minutes and returned with forms for me to fill out. I made sure I did them all correctly even asking a couple of questions about things that weren't clear. I could tell she was disgusted and to be honest I probably pushed the edge but hey Honey you are a government employee and in a way work for me so earn your money! Finally I finished all the paperwork and she went over them with a fine tooth comb, thankfully finding no mistakes. She then disappeared for another 10 minutes before returning with my new Social Security card, same number but this one made out for Elizabeth J Blair. I signed it and put it in my wallet. Finally she looked up at me. "Is there anything else you need?" she scowled. "Not from you," I smiled back. "But you would do yourself some good if you weren't so obvious in your feelings and did your job with a smile." "I beg your pardon," she snapped. Remember you are a civil servant and work for the people who come in here so keep your opinions to yourself!" I replied and walked away. As I drove back home I thought about that woman at the Social Security office and her reactions. Granted most others up to this point had been at least polite to me, even the woman at the Secretary of State yesterday. Sure as a civil servant the woman at Social Security knew her job was secure, unlike at the bank and the broker, but the woman at the Secretary of State yesterday was in the same position. I knew going in there that may some that might not be receptive to the new and improved me but shouldn't manners and civility at least prevail? I got home and saw a message on the phone, the framing shop had called to say my order is ready so I called them back to say I would be in to pick it up tomorrow morning. I then called Mom to see how she was doing and if she wanted some company for the weekend. She said of course but she and George had tickets to some charity affair Saturday night but come anyway. Not like I am not used to being alone at night I told her so I said I would be out sometime tomorrow afternoon. I put away all the papers I had accumulated today in the file cabinet and it was time to head over for my appointment with Dr. Wagner. I was surprised to see the door to the inner office open and heard him call out to come in when I arrived. "Looking nice as always Beth" he smiled. "Thank you," I smiled back. "Or should have I curtsied at that?" "Not necessary," he laughed. "You seem to be in an exceptionally good mood today." "I am" I said as I handed him a copy of my court order. "I can see why." he replied. "Why don't you sit down and let's talk about all of this." Over the next hour I told him of how I was a little disappointed the whole thing in court was so nonchalant but also of what had transpired at the Secretary of State, the bank, and my broker. I told him how good it felt to now have my ID match who I really was. Then I went over what had occurred at Social Security and he reminded me how we had talked about how not everyone was going to be accepting. I had known that before we had even talked about it. I told him I understood that but that was no reason to be rude about all of it. He agreed and told me to give it a few days but if it were him he would send a note or e-mail to Social Security and tell them of the lady's attitude and that was no way to treat anyone. He went deeper into what all of this meant and how I felt about all of it. The hour seemed to fly by and soon I was standing at his door and we were saying good bye. "I could sense you were in a good place when you came in Beth and I hope it goes well for you," he said. "I do also have to say there is something different about you today as well." "Really?" I smiled sheepishly. "I would have figured as a man you would have noticed that first." "Huh?" "Well I figured it was time for a change," I laughed as I looked down at my chest. "Oh God!" he said totally surprised. "I guess I didn't really notice, I hope you aren't disappointed." "Not really." I replied. "I just figured as I was going to be smaller I should get used to it." "That makes sense and knowing you I shouldn't be surprised." he said. "It looks good on you." "I think it does and hopefully it will grow on me," I giggled. "I am sure it will," he laughed back. On my way home I thought about what I had talked about with Dr. Wagner. I knew going into all of this that not everyone would be as excited about all of this as I was. Still that woman at Social Security had no right to look down at me as it is my life and she is not entitled to any say in it. Yes she is entitled to her opinion but don't make it so damned obvious. I also got a chuckle from how Dr. Wagner said he knew something was different but wasn't sure what until I told him. Did I make too much of having a big chest before? Maybe men don't really notice? Yea sure! Is that why when I am talking with some men I have the urge to holler out "Hey my eyes are up here!" I swear some men are so obvious with their fascination with breasts. Yes I may not be a true Blair in my B's but it is more realistic and so much easier on my back. At least Mom and all the rest of them grew into them. Hopefully soon I will start to experience that. I do know however I turn out I will be proud of them.