Pulling At The Red Thread Of Fate - Chapter 8 - Unexpected Friends free porn video

Pulling at the Red Thread of Fate - Chapter 8 - Unexpected Friends A few more weeks passed since my trip to the College to meet Adeline and I tried my best to continue to live as Ally while also under Mom's ever watchful gaze. Not that there was really anything else I could do for the time being anyway, and it gave me an excuse to never be alone with Mike which made our relationship easier to manage. Even if it would have broken Ally's heart, I was half hoping Mike would want to move on after being 'put on ice'. But somehow our chaste relationship seemed to encourage him even more. Our stolen glances on the field, the way we would hold hands sometimes at lunch. It was practically Victorian and was so sugary sweet that I'm sure people who noticed us would hate us out of principle. I knew on game nights, Mom definitely noticed the moments we shared, much to her chagrin. One unanticipated effect was that it gave Mike a new sense of confidence I had never seen in him before and he saw our relationship, such as it was, as the big reason behind his newfound success. He wasn't showboating on the field, but he just carried himself like the star Quarterback should and if I had to go up against this new Mike in my world, there's a part of me that thinks I might have been his backup. Maybe the clich? is right and it really is 90% mental. Whatever the case, it seemed to push him even closer to me and he was more than happy to accommodate my desire to take our relationship slowly. The team was playoff bound and as far as he was concerned, he had no reason to rock the boat. Jen was not having it though and she would find ample opportunity to barge in on us whenever she could. Mike thought of her as an overzealous best friend, and Britney thought she might have come around to her way of thinking and become an ally in tormenting me, but no one knew the real reason why she was suddenly more involved in my life than she already was. She was satisfied with the fact that we shared our little secret, even if I wasn't sure if she fully believed me. I'm sure if you finally worked up the courage to confess to your best friend and she turns around and tells you that she's actually a boy, you'd probably need time to process that too. Whenever we were alone together, she'd call me 'Allen' from time to time as a way of showing her support. I appreciated it a lot actually because hearing someone I knew call me 'Allen' helped to remind me of who I am... was... or hopefully will be again. But after nearly two months of living as Ally I couldn't help but feel a little strange hearing that name while in this body. Jen did find a way to ask her father about the 'other' Jennifer though. She won't tell me exactly how she brought it up - "I'll kill you and then I'll kill myself," is what she told me - but the story was pretty much the same. The girl in his story was called 'Janice' though, but I don't know if he changed that on purpose to avoid the awkwardness of it all, if my memory was wrong, or maybe that was yet another one of the small changes in this world. I wouldn't say that it was proof that I was right because it's impossible to prove a positive, but there was a tiny part of me that hoped I was wrong so it would be easier for me to draw a conclusion. I don't know if my life would be easier if I knew for sure that 'Allen' never existed, but at least it would give me something to work with. I felt a little guilty that I didn't take Adeline's advice to speak to someone even after promising her I would, but I didn't know how to get that kind of help without telling my parents. A big College might have a team dedicated to mental health, but a high school in the burbs? Not so much. I'm sure Mom would have happily found the best therapist in town for me if I asked, but it'd just raise all these questions that I didn't want to answer for the time being. I was happy that Jen reacted the way she did, but there was no guarantee that others would be as supportive. From time to time I did wonder how Mike would react... would he still want to be my 'boyfriend'? Would he react badly? I think we all like to believe that we're pretty enlightened, not like our parents and their backwards ways, but we never really know how we would react unless we're tested and I'll be honest and admit that I'd have no idea how I would react in the same situation. I settled into the rhythm of my school life, but I was still restless because I had no answers or plan of action. Unbelievably, Violet was the one to actually force me to make my next move. One day she barged over to the table I shared with Mike and the others and pulled me aside. As she was dragging me out of the cafeteria, I could see her Gaggle whispering to each other - ever since she stopped being outwardly annoyed at me, her group of followers had generally followed her lead, but I think they were waiting to pounce on me the moment I fell on Violet's bad side. I followed her outside until we found a secluded part of the field, when she suddenly turned around and snapped at me, "Why are you still playing house with Mike?!" Startled, I jumped back in surprise but quickly recomposed myself and asked, "What do you mean?" She seemed more frustrated than angry, "I didn't want to pry, but I haven't forgotten what had fallen out of your pocket and it's been nearly two months now. Even if you're not ready to take the next step, don't you think it's unfair to lead Mike on?" I winced at her accusation, in part because she wasn't wrong. Despite the fact that I told Mike that I needed time for myself, I couldn't deny that our relationship was still steadily progressing despite my best efforts. Yes, we were never alone, but we were still together quite a fair bit. I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy being close to Mike, whether it's because of my desire to be closer to the field or Ally's desire to, well, just be with him. Or maybe I shouldn't refer to 'Allen's' desires as mine anymore? Even trying to think about this in the middle of a conversation with Violet was enough to frustrate me, and as many people have told me now, I definitely don't have a poker face. She seemed to take it as me being frustrated with her words so she got up into my face and jabbed me with an accusatory finger, "You put on this 'nice girl' front, but you're pretty selfish aren't you!" I could feel a flood of sad emotions well inside me, but thankfully I didn't start bawling like I did in Adeline's office. "Not that it's any of your business, but Mike is perfectly fine with OUR relationship," I snapped back in return. At least, I believed he was... I hadn't actually spoken to him about it explicitly since our 'date', but he'd say something to me if it was bothering him, wouldn't he? Ally's frustrations quickly followed, "Why do you even care? You've made it pretty clear that you barely tolerate me when all I want to do is help the team and be your friend!" "Be my friend?" I could see her breathing get heavier as her anger was beginning to physically manifest itself. "You're the one who butted into MY life!" "What are you talking about?!" I shouted back in response, but a wave of guilt suddenly overcome me. Did Ally actually do something to Violet? She didn't mention Violet at all in her journals... I backed up when I saw her ball her fists, but she simply let out a shout of frustration. That's when we both noticed that there were a few people out on the field, either practicing track or simply just hanging out. She grabbed my arm and dragged me further out to the far end of the field where a group of trees provided some measure of privacy. If I didn't know any better, I'd have assumed I was in for a fight. When we were as alone as we could be, she hissed at me, "I KNOW Coach offered you the Captaincy first." A look of confusion likely crossed over my face as I genuinely had no idea what she was talking about, but the fact that the guilty feeling seemed to build even higher made it clear that Violet wasn't lying either. Was Ally somehow trying to hide memories from me? Or was this something I just chose to forget? Violet continued to seethe as she read the expression on my face, "Do you know how it feels knowing that the only reason you won something is because the other person didn't want it? I thought it was because you didn't want the responsibility, but I can see that you love cheerleading and the JV team loves you. I don't understand -" She paused and narrowed her eyes, peering at me. It felt like she was looking right through me, and I quickly averted my gaze and looked down at my feet. I could feel a memory bubbling to the surface, something that I didn't have access to before, and my eyes widened when in shock when I finally realized what it was. I must have fidgeted or twitched, because I felt Violet pull my chin up so that she could look at me and read the expression on my face - I really, really, REALLY need to work on hiding my emotions better! She had a pensive look on her face until her eyes widened as well and she made a guess at what I knew, "You... you're the one who I heard lurking when I was arguing with my father." I bit my lip and tried to turn my head away, but she held my chin in place so that she could look at me. My face betrayed me again and she finally released me. "I can't believe it," she muttered as she sat down on the ground and leaned up against one of the trees. I wasn't sure what to do, but I quietly joined her on the ground. Whether by my will or because it wasn't worth hiding the memories from me anymore, the precise details of what Ally had overheard became crystal clear. Ally had slipped out of the class one day to grab a notebook from her locker and walked into Violet being berated by her father in the hallway. He really didn't mince any words, calling her a disappointment and a failure, before storming off and saying he wished he didn't have a daughter in the first place. I'm sure Ally felt bad for accidentally eavesdropping on this conversation, but her heart also broke for Violet as well. I could certainly feel the pain in my chest as I seemingly experienced the memory for the first time. I think I understood what Ally had done though. I gently reached my arm around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. I wasn't sure how she would react, but the fact that she didn't shove me away was at least a good sign. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to spy on you like that." She turned to face me, tears forming in her eyes, "So what? You thought you'd do me a favor by giving me a win? Did you really think your pity would make me feel better?" I shook my head quickly, "Violet, you're a great Captain! I just thought..." "You felt sorry for me," she shot back. I sighed and nodded in response, not wanting to lie to her about my - or was it Ally's? - motivations and tried to be as neutral as I could when I said, "You needed it more than I did." She pulled up her knees and hugged them, "I hate you." She then leaned into me and added, "But when Coach told me I was going to be Captain... it was the one bright light in any otherwise shitty year." She turned to face me, "We could have still used you on the team last year though. Maybe we could have gone to Nationals." "I thought it might be weird for me to be on Varsity after all that..." My mind went back to what Britney had told me about how I had helped her, "And the JV team needed someone to lead them." She snorted and sat up straight, finally shrugging my arm off her, "Well, it didn't help that the JV team did better than we did last year." "That's apples and oranges, our competition was easier." "Or you trained the team enough to make them better than everyone else." I stopped myself from replying, knowing that any attempts to reassure her by disagreeing with her would just lead to an argument. "Well, I'm on the team now... Cap." She gave me a weird look, "Cap?" "Yeah, you know, like the 'Avengers'!" She rolled her eyes at me, "I didn't take you for one of THOSE people." I made sure to be playful in my rebuttal, hoping she wouldn't take it the wrong way, "Oh you mean someone who likes one of the most popular film franchises in history?" "Honestly I would have taken you for a 'Little Women' or 'Booksmart' type. Or even 'Twilight'." I shuddered at the last one, although I could sense that it was one of Ally's guilty pleasures and that she was decidedly on Team Edward. "I'm a girl with many tastes." She shook her head and decided to bring the subject back to the start of our confrontation, "What about 'Portrait of a Lady on Fire'?" I blinked in confusion for a moment until I remembered Mom talking about the movie with Dad a while ago. It was a movie about a tragic relationship between two - I paused when I realized what she was implying and coughed out, "I... I haven't seen that one." "Let me do you a favour then. I see the way Jen looks at you. The fact that she tries to hide it makes it more irritating than the grade school romance you and Mike are having in front of everyone." I could tell I was shocked by the way Violet read my face as she continued, "I haven't heard any gossip so I wouldn't worry about everyone secretly whispering about you. Well, at least not about you and Jen. But you have to know that no one cares, right? I know I'm not exactly from around here, but even I've come to learn that this isn't some Podunk town where the thought of two people of the same sex being together is enough to cause a scandal." "I really wish that was all it was." "What do you mean?" Oh crap, did I say that out loud?! I shook my head and retreated a bit from her, "It's complicated." She was clearly not having any of it, "I don't think I can trust you if you're fine knowing my damage but not sharing yours." I was a bit defensive when I added, "It's not that I don't want to tell you, it's that I'm still trying to figure things out." I didn't want to minimize what Jen was going through, but I really wish it was as simple as coming out as gay. I leaned my head back to look up at the leaves in the tree. The fact that they were changing colours reminded me of how long it's been since that fateful day I became Ally. Maybe it was because of the mood in the air, or I was feeling wistful about the time I had 'lost', but I quietly added, "But, you're right, I do like girls. I've had a crush on you ever since you came to our school." I hoped that the heavens would open up and give me a sign that my confession was enough to return my life to normal, but of course that didn't happen. I didn't turn to face Violet, because I didn't want to know how she'd react and honestly... it felt like a cheat to confess to her as Ally and not as myself. She was polite enough to simply leave my confession lingering in the air before she stood up and turned to look down at me. She offered me a hand, which I tentatively took from her and let her help me up from the ground. "I guess I should be flattered, although I don't 'play for that team', is the phrase I think I'm looking for." "Well, as you mentioned my love life is already complicated enough as it stands." I wanted to add that I didn't know which team I'm playing for either, or if I'm even in the right league, but I left that unsaid. "And Mike?" "I told him I needed time. But I do like him and I like being with him." She shrugged, "It's not really an issue for you to be into one or the other. But I don't think it's fair to either of them to keep them waiting for you." I gave her a serious look, "I'm not heartless you know, I told him that too. He said he'd wait as long as I needed. And Jen... well, I've told her just as much as well." After a brief pause, I decided to turn the conversation back to her, "What about your Dad? I don't want to butt in, but you shouldn't let him talk to you like that..." She grabbed my arm and stopped me, "Can we pretend this conversation never happened and just focus on the cheer team getting to Nationals?" "Fine, but if you ever need to talk to someone about it..." "What about taking a dose of your own medicine?" We started walking again and I could already see a few people glancing at us. I didn't want to imagine what rumour we would have just started, but I guess we'll find out later. I turned to her and asked, "What do you mean?" "Did you ever go to that group from that pamphlet I picked up?" I looked down at my feet and shook my head in a little bit of shame, "I've been busy... and then I was grounded." When we approached the cafeteria doors, she stopped me again and said, "How about you tell me about your first meeting, and then maybe I might want to talk to you about my own baggage." "Is that a challenge?" She waved to the Gaggle and they quickly got up from their table and rushed over to meet her, Anna purposefully bumping me out of the way to stand by her side. She just shrugged at me and walked off as if nothing had happened between us. I shouted, "You can count on me, Cap!" as she walked away from me, which she deftly ignored but did cause a bit of confusion among her followers. As I got back to my table, I could see a couple of the football players had joined Mike. Britney was a bit curious about what had happened, but she had other things on her mind, "Ally! We were just talking about the end of year formal!" I sat down and cocked my head in curiosity, "It's a little early isn't it?" "Sure, but everyone's worried about dates! Obviously, you and Mike are going together, right?" I looked at Mike thoughtfully and blushed. I didn't think I'd be here that long, but in my mind - or at least my dreams - I'd be going with Violet. I gave a non-committal "We'll talk about it" to Britney, but it was directed to Mike. I heard Jen get up from the seat as she quickly excused herself. Britney tried to stop her, but she smiled politely and practically ran off. Shit. Maybe Violet was right. Maybe I should just tell one of them that I'm not interested so they could move on. It was at that moment that I remembered the taste of her kiss and the moral support she's provided these past couple of weeks and I could feel my heart beat a little faster. At this point I didn't know where my feelings began and Ally's feelings ended. I liked Mike because Ally liked Mike. Ally liked Jen because, as it turns out, maybe I have feelings for Jen. Britney pouted and turned to Darius, "Sorry, I thought you'd have a chance to ask her." He shrugged before turning to me and asked, "Do you think she'd be interested?" I opened my mouth to reply but I wasn't sure how to respond, but his expectant look meant he was going to wait for an answer for as long as it took. I tried a diplomatic answer, "I'm sorry Darius, but I think she already has someone in mind... I know Jaina has a bit of a thing for you though." I covered the half truth by throwing him a bone. Jaina did like him, so maybe I was able to play matchmaker... the glint in his eye let me know that he was at least satisfied with my answer at least. I could feel Jake's eyes on me as if he was an eager puppy waiting for me to toss him a ball. I put up my arms and gave him a bit of a half shrug, "There's no shame in going stag?" A quick burst of laughter escaped his lips but he seemed to take it in good humour, "Harsh!" Britney chimed in, "What about Delilah?" She was one of Violet's girls and I really had no idea, so I just added, "Maybe..." He gave Mike a nudge, "What if I ask her for some tips on how to catch the ball?" Mike was in the middle of taking a sip of his drink and almost did a spit take, while I just rolled my eyes in response. Everyone shared a laugh at our expense before I excused myself as well. I wanted to catch Jen before lunch period ended and ran to her classroom, seeing her sitting alone as she buried her head in her textbook. I walked up to her and knocked on her desk, "Hey Jen..." "I'm busy Ally," she said softly as she continued to stare at her book. Violet was right about me, but for the wrong reason. I was putting off speaking to someone, but I think it's because I didn't want it to be a 'mundane' explanation. If 'Allen' is just some kind of coping mechanism and everything that I thought I knew about my 'old life' was just a figment of my imagination... maybe it'd be an easier explanation, but I don't know if it'd be a satisfying one. Still, I owed it to everyone - Jen, Mike, myself - to try to at least explore every possibility. "I'm going to go to a meeting later this week. For LGBTQ+ youth." She looked up in a panic and glanced around the room, "Ally!" I glanced up at the clock and saw that we had at least a few minutes left before the warning bell and continued, "Did you want to come with me?" "Can... can we talk about this later?" "Sure... I just want you to know that I'm going to try to figure this out and then... well, hopefully there won't be any more awkward conversations like the one in the cafeteria." "It sounded like you already made your choice. You'll be on Mike's arm and I'll be at home knitting a scarf or something." "That may be what Ally wants, but I'm not sure if that's what *I* want." Before she could reply, a few people started walking into the classroom and she looked back down at her book. "We can talk about this later," she said in a barely audible whisper. I knocked on her desk again with my knuckles and agreed, before heading to my own classroom to start the afternoon. I didn't have a chance to speak to Jen alone until we finally got home. She was apologetic at first, "I'm sorry... it's just when Britney said you'd go to the formal with Mike... it hurt. More than I thought it would." I closed my eyes and sighed, "I know, that's why I told you about the group." I went to my desk and pulled out my journal, flipping through the pages until I found the crumpled-up pamphlet. I handed it to her and sat on the bed next to her. She gingerly took the pamphlet and began to read it, trying to straighten out the creases as she did so, "You're really going to go?" "Well, I feel like there are probably a few possibilities where I'm trying to cope with either my gender, my sexuality, or both." I reached into my journal and showed her a complicated matrix of possibilities, ranging from 'Allen' identifying as trans and a lesbian to 'Ally' identifying as trans and straight. She ran her fingers down the page as she looked over the possibilities I had written down and tapped on one square in particular, "At least you're considering the possibility that you are actually Ally and a lesbian." "Maybe 'Allen' is just my brain trying to deal with the fact that I like girls but needs to rationalize it in a way that still makes me straight." She gestured at the chart I laid out in my journal, "Where the heck did you get the idea to create something so elaborate anyway?" "Adeline told me I should try writing down my work to help me organize my thoughts and to try to rationalize the problem as much as possible." She elbowed me in the side, "You're still talking to her?" I couldn't even hide the dreamy tone in my voice as I simply said, "Yeah..." Rolling her eyes at me, she jabbed the journal again, "Did you add a fetish for old women in this chart somewhere? Maybe a 'hot for teacher' entry too." She was still jealous, but I think she was also a little relieved because at least it meant I was 'playing for her team' as Violet had put it. I responded by poking her in the ribs in return, before reaching over to tickle her, causing her to squeal loudly in surprise as she tried to push me off in her compromised state. It didn't take long before I gained some leverage over her and was soon on top of her on the bed as I continued to tickle her, causing her to squeal even louder and for her to beg me to stop. A few moments later door flung open and Mom ran into the room, clearly a little disheveled at having to quickly climb up the stairs. Jen and I froze as we looked at Mom, before I laughed and turned back to Jen and tickled her some more. She laughed again before kicking me off her, leaving the both of us lying on my bed trying to catch our breath. Mom walked over to us and looked both me and Jen over carefully, perhaps trying to find some telltale signs of something a little more 'adult' than just a playful and childish romp. She really didn't know how to approach our relationship ever since I told her that Jen had kissed me, in part because she couldn't act on that knowledge either. She eventually gave up and said, "I need you girls to keep it down." "Sure thing Mrs. McCarthy," Jen said as she swiped a pillow from my bed and smacked me in the back in the head with it. I quickly turned around and grabbed my own weapon and we proceeded to smack each other a few times, much to the consternation - and perhaps relief - of Mom. It didn't take long for her to grab the pillows away from us though, as she shouted, "Enough! Don't you two have some homework to do?" "We're going to start working on it soon," I whined. Mom shook her head and tossed the pillows back at us before turning around and walking out of the room, "And keep the door open." Jen innocently offered, "You won't hear us if we close the door though..." Mom flinched but quickly rebutted, "You won't be loud if everyone can hear you." She then left as quickly as she had come in. When I heard the telltale sign of her heels descending the stairs, I turned to Jen and quietly offered, "I should mention something... I told her about what happened to us." Jen wasn't surprised by my confession, "She's been acting weird lately around me lately, so I kind of figured it out. And my parents haven't bugged me about it, so I guess you told her not to tell them?" "That's right." "Does your Mom know that you have a crush on a woman that's probably three or four times your age?" "Real funny. Besides, you're telling me you haven't had a thing for older women? What about Taylor Swift..." "She's not old!" She blushed as she realized she just admitted that she had a crush on her favourite singer. I nudged her in the ribs again and said, "Maybe three of four times your age, at least." "Shut up." We both paused for a moment before bursting into laughter again, only to cover our mouths because of Mom's edict. That just made us descend into fits of stifled giggles though as we worked the laughter out of our systems. When we were finally calmed down, I picked up the pamphlet and looked over the details of the weekly meeting again. Wednesdays at 6, likely to give people time to get there after school. I looked up at Jen and asked, "Did you... did you want to come with me?" She looked at me carefully before shaking her head, "I don't think I'm ready... and I don't know what I'd do if someone saw me there and told my parents." I wanted to assure her that her parents wouldn't make a big deal about it and would likely be supportive, but I know the last thing she wanted were empty platitudes. She continued, "I just need time is all. Besides, I don't know if having me there would give you the space you need to figure out... well, your situation." I decided to tell her about the other bombshell that happened today, "Well, Violet knows." She shot up out of the bed and exclaimed "WHAT?!" before covering her mouth again. I gestured for Jen to calm down, "It's okay, we talked about it and she's not going to say anything. She's actually the reason why I want to go to the group. She thinks I should work out what I want so I stop, in her view anyway, jerking you around." I grimaced as I remember the other part of our conversation and gave Jen a cheeky look, "I also told her that I had a crush on her..." She rolled her eyes at me, "Jeez Ally, have you fantasized about every girl in school except me?" I snorted, "Violet is all 'Allen', trust me." It felt odd referring to myself in the third person, but it was the easiest way to explain things to her now. "I had to take the opportunity, because one of Allen's biggest regrets was being too chicken to tell her." I gave her a wry smile and nudged her, "Don't worry though - she rejected me on the spot, so..." She fell to the bed again and held her head, "This is just too much for me to keep up with. So what? If I hang out with you, more and more people will think that I'm... and even then, I'll just be the pathetic girl who is pining over the cheerleader who is dating the quarterback." I laid down beside her and took her hand into mine, "Violet said I was being selfish and she's right. I think... maybe..." I could feel my heart hurt as I tried to form the words, but I didn't get a chance to finish them. She squeezed my hand and said, "No. You don't get to decide just because you'd think it'd be easier for me. Unless you can honestly tell me that you have no feelings for me, then I'm not going anywhere." I turned to face her and smiled as I remembered the time we spent together as children. I was a pretty big idiot as a kid and she was the one who would always talk - or smack - some sense into me. And now she made me actually look at her, not as the 'girl next door' but as a woman. I reached up with my free hand to gently stroke her face, admiring her natural beauty for the first time, her brown eyes exuding warmth and empathy that I always took for granted, her long dark hair framing her elegantly formed face. I felt my fingers begin to trace down the soft skin of her cheeks before reaching her lips, glimmering with a coat of that sweet lip gloss that I still remembered tasting during our first kiss. I could feel my heart racing, along with other bodily reactions that I'm not going to mention. My only problem was trying to parse who was responsible for these feelings and if they weren't actually Ally's feelings, then did 'I' have a right to act on them? She smiled, sensing what I felt, and added, "I think I have my answer..." She leaned in closer, as if to kiss me, but pulled away at the last moment. "You're not getting rid of me that easily." I turned my face back to look at the ceiling and mused, "What if the answer is as simple as I'm just trying to rationalize liking both you and Mike?" She poked me, "Then I'll call you selfish. Although..." I looked at her again as she left that thought to linger, "Although?" "Monogamy is such an old-fashioned concept." I gave her a look of shock because it was something I definitely never expected to come from her mouth. She just smiled sweetly at me in return before falling into a fit of giggles, "Considering your situation, I'm surprised you didn't come up with that idea yourself." "Are you serious?" "Honestly, I never thought I'd even have the chance to be with you, so I'm trying to be creative." She rolled over on her stomach and perched her head up with her hands as she carefully considered me, "Maybe this is the 'branch' where I get to be with you as long as I'm willing to share. That's better than not being with you at all." She had certainly come along way since the day we drove into the city. I don't know if it's as easy as pushing aside one's own feelings to do the 'rational' thing though. I realized that she was sounding quite Vulcan-like and said in a slightly robotic and emotionless tone, "That's quite 'logical'." "What?" I scoffed at her, "Star Trek!" "Now I know 'Allen' is in you, because I know Ally was never into that Jedi stuff." She laughed as she saw a look of frustration and anger come over me and poked me, "I'm just kidding." It was then that I heard a knock on the door frame before Steve chimed in, "Mom said I should check in on you two, but I really don't want to know what I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on." We both burst into laughed and I shouted, "Don't you want to know how chunky my period has been?" Steve screamed "UGH!" before I heard him run down the stairs, which only caused us to laugh some more. "He's lucky. I only wish I could run away from my body." "One more week to go..." I grimaced as I remembered the red circles in Ally's journal and nudged her with my elbow, "Thanks for the reminder." After another fit of laughter, we finally calmed down again. As we basked in the afterglow of a good laugh, I thought out loud, "I'm really glad I have you in my life Jen, regardless of what happens." "Me too." "You're sure about the group?" She shook her head and got up from the bed, "Yeah. I'll get there in time. I honestly wasn't sure if I would ever tell anyone, let alone you. I thought I'd be happy just being your best friend, but then when I saw you getting along so well with Britney, I realized I could lose that too." "Did you think we'd just both be single for the rest of our lives?" "It would have been so much easier at least," she joked. "I just need some more time and then I'll figure out how to tell my parents." She gave me a wistful look and winked at me, "It'd be so much easier if... well, I could tell them that we were together though." I groaned, "No pressure then." "I'm just kidding! I know this is something I need to do on my own. Honestly the last thing I'd want is to be some kind of open secret around the community with everyone whispering about me." "I think everyone would just want you to feel comfortable being yourself. And if there's someone who isn't? I'd have some words with them." She pretended to swoon, "My hero!" Jen stayed with us for dinner and my parents trying to act normal around us. There was a moment where Jen unexpectedly reached over to wipe something from my mouth with a napkin, giving me a wink as she did so. I heard Mom drop her cutlery briefly before she politely told Jen that I'm old enough to take care of myself. If I didn't know any better, I could have sworn that Britney might have rubbed off on Jen. When we were done and Jen went home, I pulled my parents aside and showed them the pamphlet from Church. "Mom, I know I'm still under lock and key... but can I go to this meeting?" She held the pamphlet furtively before handing it to Dad. She probably had several questions swirling in her head, but she asked the most pertinent one, "So does that mean you are..." "I don't know. Maybe? It is... it's a start." Dad turned to Mom and said, "She's been following the rules since that day. She even drives Steve around to his things now." I'm sure the old Ally might have been bored out of her mind driving Steve to the mall so he could look at games to buy or clothes he wanted to get, but I was more than happy to tag along and introduce some traditionally 'male' clothes into Ally's wardrobe. "Fine... but I'll be watching you. Like a hawk." Given that she texted me if my phone tracker showed her if I was even a little bit off course, I knew that was true. "Yes ma'am." She turned to Dad and gave him a bit of a look, cocking her head at me. Oh, this will be good. He sighed and asked, "Are you and Jen...? Well, it's just that you seem to be 'getting along' so well with Mike..." I was a bit nonplussed by the fact that my parents seemed worried about my love life, but I gave him the only answer I could, "It's complicated." Mom interjected quickly, "Well, be careful. You don't want to hurt someone, even if you don't mean to." While she'd probably be happy if I ended things with Mike, she was at least sympathetic to the potential heartbreak I might cause him. I had no idea what she thought of me and Jen potentially getting together though, but I suppose in her mind there was no chance of an 'accident' at least. I got up so that I could give each of them a hug, "I know, I care about them both and the last thing I want is to hurt either of them." I took the pamphlet from Dad and told them, "I'll drop Steve and Jen after school and then I'll head over to the Church." "And then straight back home when you're done," Mom added. Dad looked at me carefully before turning to Mom, "Stella, I think it's fine if she stays out a little later. She might make some friends there and it wouldn't be 'cool' if she had to tell them she had to rush home because she was grounded." He might not be great with the 'girl stuff', but he definitely enjoyed playing the 'good cop' and throwing me some rope whenever he had the chance. I could see Mom grind her teeth, knowing that she'd be giving him a mouthful the moment I left, but she tried her best to give me a smile and said, "If you do go anywhere after, you'll text me." "Of course, Mom!" I gave her another hug before flashing Dad a knowing smile, running upstairs and making my escape before she could change her mind. I had arranged to take off early from practice the day of the meeting, supported in part by Violet who was actually quite helpful in convincing Coach M. to let me go. Anna wasn't pleased with the fact that I was seemingly getting special treatment and was particularly annoyed that I had somehow gotten on Violet's good side, but she bit her tongue and simply gave me the side eye whenever I was near her. I tried to put her out of my mind, because the last thing I needed was to get into petty high school drama at this point. If she wanted to be Violet's favourite then I'm not getting in her way. As I was grabbing stuff from my locker before heading out to meet Jen and Steve, I heard a voice shout, "ALLY! THINK FAST!". I turned around and was startled by an orange blur hurtling toward me. Instinctively, I reached my hands out to catch the ball, grimacing as I felt the sting of rubber against my palms. I turned to give an angry glare at whoever just tried to take me out with a ball and saw a girl in a basketball uniform giving me a toothy grin. I think her name was Shelly? I hated to admit that I was so wrapped up in my football world that I didn't really pay attention to the other teams at the school. With an annoyed expression on my face, I passed the ball back to her and watched as she deftly received it, before tossing it in the air a few times and twirling it on her finger. I had to admit, you could do more tricks with a basketball than you could with a football. She tucked the ball under her arm and sidled up to me, "Nice reflexes Ally. I'm surprised you're not on the field with the others." I turned back to the locker to finish packing up my stuff and told her, "Yeah, I just have some things to do after school today." "Well, if you're able to miss cheer practice a couple of times a week..." I turned to look at her, trying to coax her to get to the point a little faster, "I don't know if this is going to become a habit." "I'm just saying Ally, I know you turned us down in the summer, but I'm hoping you've changed your mind." I gave her a bit of a confused look and asked in curiosity, "About what?" Shelly appeared to be offended, although the way she smiled made me believe she was taking it in good humour, "You wound me! About joining the basketball team of course!" "Me? Basketball?" I tried to search my memory of what I read from Ally's journals and there wasn't anything about wanting to join the basketball team. "Jeez, I guess you were lying when you said you'd think about it..." I could tell she was actually hurt this time, so I felt the need to reassure her, "Sorry, I'm just... distracted right now. I just have a lot going on." "I guess you do have boy troubles to worry about now, don't you?" She gave me a smile that I assume was meant to compliment me on 'catching' Mike, but all it did was remind me of the drama I was embroiled in. "Yeah, you could say that... but, anyway, you've got a full team so why do you need me?" I was both hoping to change the subject and to end the conversation. She snorted and tossed me the ball at me again. "Now lift it up over your head," she suggested after I had caught it. I shrugged and held the ball over my head, standing on my tiptoes as she encouraged me to go even higher. Then she started jumping up at me, trying to swat the ball away. Without thinking I stretched even higher, moving the ball completely out of her reach. After a few seconds more of her futile attempts, she stopped and gave me a 'do you get it' look. Of course, I'm practically the tallest girl in school. I tossed the ball back at her and picked up my bag, closing the locker behind me. "Okay, but it's not like I can play..." She motioned for us to start walking, guiding me toward the parking lot, "Don't sell yourself short Ally. I see what you can do in gym class. Besides, I think you shoot better than some of the girls on the team. You'd be great as a center anyway." I turned to look at her and already saw the machinations in her eyes as she considered the ways that she could use me on the team. Ally didn't seem to have any feelings either way about basketball, and as much as I came to appreciate cheerleading through Ally's enthusiasm, I did miss the feeling of direct competition. But my plan has always been to try to keep Ally's life intact as much as I could, so it would make sense to turn down the offer. I tentatively said, "Cheer practice takes a lot of time... and we're going to work toward competition season when football ends." We stopped as we reached the exit and she nodded, "I know! But our coaches have spoken to each other about it. Your coach told our coach that you could be one of our bench players as long as it doesn't interfere with your existing obligations to the cheer team." I'd be lying if I wasn't a little disappointed that I'd be relegated to the bench, even if it was perfectly reasonable to essentially use me as a utility player. I gave her a shrug and began, "I'll - " "Think about it," she finished for me. "I know, but don't take too long. The other girls are hoping you can join too, but we have to start getting ready with or without you." "I'll let you know soon," I promised her. She gave me a big smile before twirling the ball again, "Thanks Ally! I'll see you later!" With that, she started dribbling the ball and turned around, presumably heading to the gym. Well, I know *I* wanted it... maybe Ally won't mind? I was really hoping I wouldn't need to worry about what would happen during the winter, but nearly two months - and two periods - in and I'm starting to realize that I may need to prepare for the long haul. Walking toward the car, I put basketball out of my mind as I saw Jen and Steve waiting for me. When we were in the car, Jen gave me a thoughtful look and squeezed my hand while it was on the steering wheel. I smiled in return and nodded at her as I started the quick ride home. I had to give Steve more credit than I did, because he picked up on the vibe between us fairly quickly. Although I suppose we weren't really subtle about it either. When we arrived home and I went to my room to drop off my stuff, Steve stood in front of my door and asked, "What's going on?" I tossed my bag on my bed and turned to face him, "What do you mean?" He rolled his eyes at me and gave me a look that asked me if I thought he was stupid. As I tried to slip past him, he stood in front of my way and wouldn't budge. Despite my above average height, he still had the size advantage over me and even over these past few weeks I could see that he was still growing. If I was in my own body, I'd just grab him and wrestle him out of the way but as Ally, I wasn't so sure. He placed a firm hand on my shoulder and said, "You must know that people are talking about you. Not just the stuff about Mike, but that day you had your nightmare or whatever and then when you were being yelled at by Mom. You've never skipped school before, and now you're skipping practice as well?" Was this his way of trying to show his concern for me? I let out a chuckle as I reached for his hand and pulled it off me. After I had told Jen, I had actually thought about telling him about the 'real' me as well. I could tell he was a little sullen after what happened with Mom, but I didn't know it was still on his mind. I gave him a playful tap on the cheek with my hand, causing him to recoil from me, and told him, "I just have some things to figure out, but I'm fine." "I don't think you are. You've changed so much. And I know it's more than 'girl stuff'". "I could tell you how heavy my period has been." He crossed his arms and looked at me sternly. I could see a touch of Dad in his build, but he definitely had Mom's serious eyes. "I'm being serious, Allison." "Ooh, Allison is it?" I jokingly replied as I tried to play off his serious tone. He was clearly having none of it though, so I continued, "Listen... it's a long story, and I promise I'll tell you about it when I have time. But right now, I have an appointment I need to make." I cocked my head, nodding toward the door, "I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I'm okay." He shifted to make room for me to pass, but he was not done with me just yet, "Everyone treats me like I'm a little kid, but I haven't been a little kid in a while." Looking at him again, he was right. I gave him another playful tap and nodded, "I see that now, and I'm sorry if I've been treating you that way." I was about to slip past him, but I felt something that was unsaid, "What's going on anyway? You've never been so serious before." He slipped his hands into his pockets and looked away from me, "It's because... well, I got to thinking this might be the last year we'll be home together, you know? Maybe a few years from now, the only time I'll see you is at Thanksgiving. I just want our last year together to be a good one." I couldn't help but let out an "aww" as I reached out to give him a hug. Who knew he could be so sentimental? "Listen, no matter how far apart we are, you know I'll always have time for you." I perked up and smiled at him, "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you lately, but what about Mary?" I could see his shoulders slump a little as he let out a big sigh, "Well, that was a few weeks ago so thanks for dredging up that memory, but she said she just wanted to be friends." Wow! I wanted to tell him he was braver than me, but that obviously wouldn't make any sense to him now. Instead, I gave him another hug and happily added, "I'm glad you tried. Sometimes you just need to take a risk. And well, you'll find the one." He definitely had the looks to be a heartbreaker if he wanted. "Thanks, but I think I'm done for a while." I started walking down the stairs and called back up at him, "Britney will be disappointed to hear that." Skipping down the stairs, I heard him run toward the banister on the landing before he shouted down at me, "WHAT?!" All he could hear was my laughter as I made my way out the door. I figure I'd let him stew on that for a while. I also wondered if Britney knew about Mary's rejection... although, knowing her, I wouldn't be surprised if she found out even before Steve did. As I drove my car, I could feel butterflies in my stomach as I got closer to the Church, although I wasn't sure if it was because I might find out something about myself or if this was the first step in accepting that this may be my ultimate fate. Parking the car, I wondered if I would know anyone at the meeting. Violet was right about our town at least, that there could be worse places to be if you had to figure out how you fit in. Being relatively close to the city meant we weren't totally isolated, and while I wouldn't say that we were 'metropolitan', I know there were parents who were more comfortable sending their kids to one of the schools here rather than leaving them to the 'big bad city' and all the 'scary' things they might encounter. But I also couldn't name a single 'out' person in our school. In my life or from Ally's memories. That could say more about me than about the school though, so I wasn't really sure what to expect. I stepped into the Church, feeling sheepish because I hadn't been back since I had spoken to Pastor Jones. Thankfully I haven't felt the supreme wrath yet, although a tiny of part of me still wondered if this entire experience wasn't a biblical test. I could hear a group of people chatting among themselves in one of the meeting rooms and slowly approached the door, poking my head inside. I scanned the room and saw maybe a dozen or so people, teens I didn't immediately recognize. There was a boy in the back speaking to the one adult in the room that looked really familiar to me for some reason. I think they both noticed me lurking by the door because together they looked at me and gave me friendly smiles, waving at me to get me to come in. When I got a clear look at the boy's face though, I could feel my heart begin to race but I wasn't sure why. When I didn't come into the room, the boy took it upon himself to close the distance between us and began walking toward me. This was strange because even the way he carried himself seemed familiar to me, but I got the feeling that Ally had no idea who he might be. Was he someone I might have known in my own life? "Hi there, please come on in," he called out to me and that's when it hit me. But it can't be... why would he be here? I started to back away from the door, but my face gave me away again as an expression of recognition and then panic flashed through me. I'm not sure if that drove him to panic as well, because he soon started to increase his pace, which only caused me to turn and run and suddenly it became a chase. Not that it lasted long though, given who he was. Ally was athletic, but there was no way that I could outrun him. Just as I was about to pull open the doors to leave, I saw his hand slam across the door to keep them closed. I turned to face him and noticed that we were both out of breath because of our short run through the foyer, but his breathing soon calmed down as he looked at me with concern, "You... you know who I am." How couldn't I? In my world, Mike and I had snuck over to Brightman to scout out their practice a few times after all. Shane Dearborn, their star Quarterback... and the one who led the team against Mike last year in the big blow-out. I tried to back away again, stepping to the side, but he put his other arm against the door to block my escape. I flinched as he got closer to me and mused, "How do you know me?" I felt a little nervous being cornered and began to back up against the door, feeling a little threatened. He quickly realized what he was doing though, perhaps an expression on my face betraying me yet again, and he quickly raised his hands above his head and backed off. He stuttered out an apology, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you! I was just a little surprised and panicked..." Taking a deep breath to calm myself, I could feel my heart racing. That was probably the first time I've ever been terrified by simply having someone stand so close to me. The fact that I froze was perhaps more frightening than whatever threat Shane himself represented, but the closest I'd ever gotten to a real-life confrontation was some trash talk on the field. I wasn't sure if I was the one who was afraid because I had never really fought anyone before or if it was Ally because she was cornered by an imposing guy. I tried to give him a reassuring smile and started to turn around, hoping to make my way out of the building. "Wait!" he shouted, before quickly lowering his voice again, "You don't have to leave. If you're feeling a bit unsafe, I'm happy to sit out tonight." Of course he's thoughtful. I let the door close and turned to face him, replying timidly, "I'm not even sure why I'm here." "That's okay. I think a lot of people feel the same way the first time they put themselves out there." He raised his arm, pointing back to the room to encourage me to go back. "I don't even have that part figured out yet..." He quipped lightheartedly, "Hey, people make fun of the letters in the acronym but that's why the 'Q' is there." I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle which he took as a sign that I was slowly being disarmed. I took a closer look at him, seeing him for the first time without all his football gear on. I couldn't deny that he had that broad-shouldered, chiselled chin look that made him ruggedly handsome. He had messy dirty blond hair that you just want to tousle, which would just make him seem even more rugged and down to Earth. A slight frown must have formed on my lips, because he gave me a look of concern, "Sorry, I didn't mean to joke about what you're going through..." Ugh, so nice! I nodded toward the door and started walking, letting him know that I was happy to come along with him. He gave me a bit of space - perhaps too much, out of caution - as he joined me. I turned my head slightly to face him as we walked, "I know you're Shane Dearborn... I play with the Eagles." I quickly corrected myself, "I mean, I'm on the cheer team." I gave him a wry smile, "I was kind of hoping you'd be a jerk so it'd be easier to hate you." He laughed, "Sorry to disappoint." I shrugged, "I was prepared to see someone here I might recognize, but you're definitely the last person I had in mind. Aren't you a little far from home?" Shane was about to answer, but when we got to the door, the older man waved us over, "Shane! We're about to start." The man turned to me and smiled, "Glad you could join us tonight. My name is Adam, and my pronouns are he and him. Please take a seat!" Shane nodded at Adam and turned to me, "We'll chat after." The group sat down in a circle and everyone took turns to introduce themselves to each other. Although I'm sure I was the only new person in the group, it was nice way to make me feel welcome without putting the onus on me to try to get the ball rolling. When it was my turn, I could see everyone encouraging me to speak with their smiles. I hesitated a little but then said, "I'm Ally..." I paused, thinking about what I would say next. "I'm... just here to listen." I think they all picked up on my not-so-subtle attempt to avoid mentioning my pronouns and gave me a warm welcome. It was interesting hearing some of their stories, ranging from what I had expected - anxiety about coming out - to the more, well, typical teenage relationship drama I had come to expect. It was almost reassuring to hear someone talk about how mad they were at their boyfriend for not texting them back immediately, because if meant everyone had the same silly problems to deal with. For my part, after hearing everyone share their problems, I felt comfortable enough to tell them half my story, mentioning the strange love triangle I happened to find myself embroiled in. There was a bit of a commotion as everyone seemed to have an opinion, but there were no quick answers to the questions I was asked. When they asked me who I liked, all I could say was the both of them. That's when someone asked, "But who makes you excited when you imagine having sex with them?" I didn't even know what sex would mean to me now. When I pictured having sex with either of them, I couldn't process which body I had. In my dreams, at least the ones that I could remember, I would be with either - or sometimes both - of them and sometimes I'd be in my old body and sometimes I'd be in my new body. It was perhaps the strangest game of nocturnal Mad Libs ever. So, the only response to that question that I could really give was an extremely red and embarrassed face that made everyone atwitter, to the point where, as the one adult in the room, Adam had to calm everyone down and move the conversation along. As much as I enjoyed being able to speak a little more freely about my life at the meeting, I was still afraid to bring up the real question that was bothering me. I had ample opportunity, but I kept hesitating every time there was an opening. One person picked up on it though, and she was the one whose situation I was perhaps selfishly the most interested in. When the meeting was over and people were mingling again, she came over and sat down on a chair next to me. She stuck out her hand, "Stacy, she or they, in case you've forgotten." I didn't, but I smiled in return and took her hand, "Ally." She nodded and took the hint I gave her, "I think you're dealing with more than a complicated dating situation." I shyly looked down and began to fidget in my seat, "You could say that..." I looked back at her and saw her looking at me with the patience of a monk, waiting for me to find the words. I started by trying to ask her a question, "How... when did you know that you..." She let out of a soft chuckle, "My entire life. I know it's clich?, but it's true. I just didn't feel like I was 'me' until I started identifying as, well, who I am today. I was lucky that my parents were understanding and allowed me to take puberty blockers before..." She nodded her head at Shane and shrugged her shoulders, "Although I don't know if I would have turned out like a model from an outdoor adventure website." We shared a laugh and caught Shane's attention. He likely caught on to what we were talking about, because he struck a few mock poses which only caused us to laugh even more. Based on my own research and what they told us at school, Stacy's experience did seem very familiar to me. While I do certainly *feel* like Allen, I don't know if it'd be normal for someone to invent a whole backstory and alternate life for the person they wanted to be down to the most minute detail. Ally also didn't feel foreign to me either. I was still dreading the impending 'red circle' days that were on the horizon, but I've become as comfortable in Ally's body as I was in my own. Of course, this comes back to one of my original theories. That I am actually Allen and this might be someone making my 'wish' come true by turning me into Ally. Sometimes it was a relief being so easy to read, because Stacy obviously picked up on how I was trying to process her experience and softly added, "Everyone's different though. And it's also not like you have to feel like boxing yourself in either." "What do you mean?" She used her hands to show two different categories, "We see male and female. And we think cis male and cis female. And I think a lot of the trans experience falls into one of those two boxes too. Like, I know without a doubt that I am and have always been a girl. But there are people who feel like both, or neither, you know?" She brought her hands together into a clap, "There's room for people who are in the middle too, or anywhere in between really. It's a lot like sexuality." I leaned back in my chair to consider her words, "I guess I was hoping for something more concrete." "For a lot of people, it is. I'd like to think we're the lucky ones because we get to have more interesting lives." I laughed and nodded in response. I knew there was probably a lot unsaid in those words. I couldn't imagine what she must have gone through to get to where she is now, as she carried herself with the wisdom of someone far older than the teen in front of me. At that point Shane had come to join us, "Seems like you two are having fun." Stacy quickly replied, "We were talking about your hunky body after all." "I don't appreciate being objectified!", he said in mock indignation, which sent us into laughter again. When we had calmed down, he turned to me and said, "So, you were wondering what I was doing here?" "Well, assuming you're coming from the city, that's a couple of hours away..." Stacy cocked her head and asked us, "You two know each other?" I shook my head, "I know of him..." I actually didn't know anything about him other than the fact that he was Brighton's quarterback. And honestly, I hadn't given him, or any of the other people we played against, a second thought. It just made it easier to play against them if we saw that as faceless robots that we needed to beat. Shane nodded, "I guess you could say we know each other from work." Stacy quipped, "No offense Shane, but you don't seem like the type to be folding sweaters in a back room." I guess Brighton's reputation for being a fancy private school is well known everywhere, so I quickly added, "He means football." That seemed to trigger a moment of recognition in her as she dug out her phone and began to tap away at it. I was about to ask her what she was looking for, but then her eyes lit up as she held the phone to me, "That's you, right?!" I grimaced when I saw what she had found. It was THAT picture. I waved my hands at her to get her to put the phone away, but she ended up showing Shane instead. His face changed when he saw Mike in his uniform, as he recognized the school I came from. He gave me an apologetic look, "I wasn't sure if that was actually you!" Stacy thought Shane might have been caught up in learning that I was 'that girl', but he had ulterior motives for confirming that I was a cheerleader on the team. She let out a small chuckle and said, "The story at our school is that you jumped this poor boy on the field and stole him from the girl he had been dating for years." The absurdity of the story couldn't help but make me laugh, although I had to rhetorically ask, "How the heck did I become an urban legend?" She shrugged, "If it makes you feel any better, everyone forgot about you when the next big thing came along." Adults like to complain about the internet causing short attention spans, but I was more than happy to have my notoriety replaced by a video of a kitten eating a cheeseburger or whatever. I added a little context to the picture, "Well, what you see there is pretty much all that happened. Although I guess that's when we 'clicked', if you want to call it that." Looking at her phone again, she mused to Shane, "Well, I don't know about football, but he definitely gives you a run for your money on looks." Shane remarked, "Well Ally, if you end up turning him down, maybe Mike and I could have a Capulet and Montague-style epic romance." Oh, I'm sure Mike would love that! One of the things I've learned in my time as a girl was that there likely would have been some of them who would have been totally into that... it was a thought I was more than happy to push back into the recesses of my mind. Moving them along, I turned the conversation back to Shane, "You didn't answer my question." His answer began enigmatically, "Actually, you might be able to help me." When he saw the puzzled look on my face he apologized, "Let me start from the beginning. So, you're right - as lovely as this town is, it's a bit out of the way for me to get to. But Adam had taken over the group a few months ago and asked me if I could help, and it gave me a reason to come out here." Stacy pretended to be offended on behalf of the group, "It's not because of our amazing company?" "Well, okay, two reasons!" He turned to me and continued, "Anyway, I was really hoping someone from your school would come to the group, but you're the first... you see, I'm trying to get in touch with someone who goes to your school, and you're actually the perfect person to try to help me with that." He probably saw my own apprehension and quickly added, "I mean, I'm glad you came and I hope you're finding it helpful, and don't think that you need to do anything for me... I mean, I know we just met and all that..." I was more curious than offended though and simply asked, "Who is it?" He gave me a thoughtful look and said, "Violet Everdale." Seeing the look of surprise on my face, Stacy chimed in, "Who is she? Oh, is she the third point in your little love triangle?!" I laughed and shook my head. If only she knew. "She's the cheer captain." Shane added, "Yeah, and since you're on the cheer team..." I added with a touch of hesitation, "It's not that easy, I wouldn't say Violet and I are friends." He gave me a confused look, so I quickly added, "It's a long story, but it's not as simple as me texting her or something like that." He sighed as he added, "Yeah, I don't think she's on social media at all, so outside of stalking her I couldn't really find a way to get in touch with her." I joked, "Just stalking the group for someone like me to drop in then?" Before he could answer, I had to ask the obvious question, "How do you know Violet?" "We went to school together until a couple of years ago. Then she suddenly quit and no one knew what happened to her. And you must know her family... it's not like anyone could just go over to her house and knock on her door." I shook my head in the negative, "What do you mean? Like she lived far away from the school or something?" "They're the Everdales... you don't talk to him the unless they ask for you." I responded with a touch of disbelief, "You make them sound like a crime family or something." He gave me a serious look and leaned in close to us, "When I asked my parents if they could help me get in touch with her, they just told me to forget she ever existed." Stacy gave Shane a little punch, "Why would you tell us that?" "Violet's just a normal girl!" I felt the need to defend her, but I also realized that neither myself or Ally really knew much about her. That's when I remembered seeing her with some guy in an expensive car a while ago, but I had my own problems to deal with so I never paid it any mind after that. Shane continued to whisper as he told us, "Well, at our school no one talks about her anymore. Even though one of the new buildings on campus is named after her grandfather." It was at that point that self-preservation seemed to drive Stacy to leave our little discussion, "Well, I'll leave you two to talk about this family that should never be spoken about." She turned to me and added, "I hope I see you here next week, but I'll add you in case you want to chat before then." She tapped on her phone and I felt my own buzz in response. She winked at me and gave me a quick hug, "Don't let this one get you caught up in his little scheme, lest you end up sleeping with the fishes!" She laughed and hopped over to another group in the room and began chatting with them. I turned back to Shane who looked a little flustered as he seemed to be at a loss for words. I prompted him by asking, "So why do you want to get in touch with her?" He gave me a soft smile that revealed a touch of sadness as he confided in me, "Violet and I were close. I think our parents even thought of setting us up for a short time, before, well, that really wasn't an option for me. I hadn't actually had a chance to tell her though. That's when I saw her at the game last year and all I could think about was reconnecting with her." It felt bad that I was impressed. He had Violet on his mind the whole time and still blew out our team? "There must have been a way for you to get in touch with her though..." He playfully added, "I thought about crashing your school to look for her, but I didn't want to be more of a drama queen than already am." I leaned back in my chair and shook my head in disbelief at the situation, "It's funny though. The only reason why I'm here is because she dared me to come." He raised an eyebrow in surprise but quickly added, "See! If that isn't fate, I don't know what is." I laughed, although Shane thought it was at his off-hand comment. I had been looking for potential 'flags' that would trigger some big event that might get me back to my own life ever since I met with Adeline and realized that there wouldn't be an easy answer to my 'problem'. If I wasn't supposed to get Mike's parents back together, maybe it was to help Steve with Mary, or Jen come out to her parents, or Britney grow into being the next cheer captain. Or maybe to help some random woman put her groceries into her truck so she could make the next green light and avoid being t-boned by a distracted driver. It was a deep enough rabbit hole that at some point I just had to stop looking for signs of some bigger plan or I'd drive myself insane. "If you don't mind giving me your number, I can try to pass it on to her and ask her to reach out to you." I handed him my phone and he added himself to my contacts. If someone had told me I'd not only meet Shane Dearborn but have his number on my phone one day, I would have thought they were crazy. But of course, what even counts as sane now? As he tapped on the screen, I jokingly noted, "You know, I never thought I'd be cavorting with the enemy." When he finished, he looked up at me with a wry smile and asked, "We're enemies?" "Well you know, you playing for the Brightman-", I stopped myself before I finished the pejorative and he laughed. "I'm assuming you're going for an alliteration there, and there are probably a few other "B" words that I think could come after that. I actually get that we're easy to hate and honestly, we don't mind being the villains in everyone's story." "I didn't know you were all 'turn the other cheek' type of people." "More like we're so rich that we don't need to worry about what the plebians think." I gave him a playful kick in the shin, careful not to hurt him - too much, at least. He gripped his leg and pretended to be hurt, "I never thought I'd be involved in my own Nancy Kerrigan story!" I tried to remember where I heard that name before... Oh, that movie! Would that make me Margot Robbie? Or is that Mike and I'm the crazy boyfriend who arranged the 'hit'? I laughed and said, "Maybe it won't be so hard to hate you after all." It was at that moment my stomach decided to betray me and emitted a loud grumble, which made Shane laugh before making an offer, "How about I grab you a bite to eat when we're done here? I usually go to that place around the corner before driving home." "Fried chicken? I'm surprised!" "It's a bit of a guilty pleasure." I leaned in close to him and could barely suppress a giggle when I said, "No, I just thought our 'commoner' food wouldn't be up to the standards of a Brightman palate." He snorted and put on a haughty tone of voice when he replied, "Yes, well, there are times when we must make do with peasant gruel to keep us humble." I hated that he had a sense of humour about it all, but I couldn't help but laugh. I didn't want to like him because he was the 'enemy' and it'd be a lot easier if he was a jerk, but I could tell we were becoming fast friends. Well, it wouldn't hurt for Ally to be his friend, would it? And honestly some fried chicken did seem nice right about now. When the meeting was over, we helped Adam to pack up and put everything away. He asked me if I felt comfortable tonight and if they'd might see me again, and while I don't know if I learned something about myself, I couldn't deny that it was nice to be able to talk about some of the things I've been thinking about. Even if I had to couch it in half- truths. Everyone was happy when I said I'd come back soon, especially Stacy who wanted more updates about my love life. We said our goodbyes and Stacy gave me a hug, telling me to text her any time I needed to talk, and I watched as everyone went their separate ways. I thought about my brief conversation with Stacy as I followed Steve down the block to the chicken place. As Adeline or Ms. Chang might say, a sample size of one isn't conclusive evidence, but I didn't feel like I was definitely 'male' or 'female'... or even if I'm 'Allen' or 'Ally'. I can't even keep the mechanics of this straight in my head anymore! In my mind at least, we're two different people who happen to be occupying the same 'space' rather than competing identities vying for control of the same body. I'm sure Ally would think the same way at least. Of course, if 'Allen' wasn't a figment of 'my' imagination or living as 'Ally' wasn't some a way for 'me' to live the life I had secretly wanted, that could mean that this is all just... what? Some kind of elaborate fiction I made up for myself? It was a slightly troubling thought that I didn't know how to process, so I pushed it away for the time being as we entered the restaurant. As we waited for our food, we continued to chat about our lives. He was in an odd situation because he was out to his family and close friends, but not to everyone at school and he seemed to want to keep it that way until he graduated. When I asked him why he didn't want everyone to know, he simply told me, "I don't think anyone would care, but it'd just be a distraction that I'd have to worry about. And it's not like I'm dating anyone at the moment anyway." I was always a little self-conscious of the fact that I wasn't dating myself, although I chalked it up to being obsessed with the most inaccessible girl in school and not moving on to someone else. Although I'm sure it was for much different reasons, it was a bit reassuring to know that the great Shane Dearborn was single too. I leaned in and conspiratorially whispered, "There has to be a guy in school that you're into." He laughed and shook his head, "I did the big clich? thing that a lot of people go through when they start figuring out their sexuality and had a big crush on my best friend at the time. That did not end up well at all." My mind immediately flashed to Jen and I turned red. Reading my reaction, he was quick to add, "But sometimes it works out..." It was not very convincing, but I appreciated the effort nonetheless. "Are you still friends?" I tentatively asked him. "It took a little bit to for us to move past it, but yeah. It's a stupid joke between us now, although sometimes it can get annoying when he teases me about it." "Well, that's cute in its own way." I thought about what my relationship would Jen would be like if it didn't work out between us. Well, between her and Ally at least. I could feel that Ally wouldn't want to lose her, so I'd hope we'd be in a same place as Shane and his best friend too if it came to that. Since he shared, I felt I should reciprocate and so I leaned in closer and whispered, "I told Violet that I liked her." I definitely caught him off guard because he started choking on the water he was trying to drink. I grimaced as he continued to cough out the water that went down the wrong pipe for a few seconds before he finally calmed down and shook his head at me, "Girl, are you sure you're not trying to kill me so you don't have to face off against us?" I gave him a smirk and said, "You know, it's pretty presumptuous of you to assume you'll make the finals." "No offence to the other teams we're going to face, but we know we have it in the bag. And it seems like your team has been doing well too." He paused for a moment and narrowed his eyes, "Maybe you're actually a spy working for your boyfriend?" He winced as I kicked him under the table again, and we both laughed. He turned the subject back to my revelation about my confession to Violet, "Is that why things are weird between you two?" "If only it were that simple." I thought about what he had told me about not asking questions about her family, and as I recalled Ally's memories of her accidentally eavesdropping on Violet's one-sided 'conversation' with her father and the way that he was yelling at her, maybe he wasn't exaggerating about what the Everdales were like. I obtusely concluded, "It might be related to why she changed schools, but I heard something I probably shouldn't have." He nodded but tactfully chose not to press the issue any further. Although he did flash me an evil smile and said, "So Violet's your type though?" I screwed my face into deep thought as I considered his question before he laughed and tapped on the table to bring me out of my reverie, "Sorry, it was a joke." He looked up at the counter, "Oh there's our food, I'll be right back." When I was left alone for a moment, I noticed Anna sitting with what I assumed was her family, trying her best to look like she didn't see me. I assumed at first that she didn't like me because Violet was giving me the cold shoulder, but now that Violet was starting to be friendly with me, she seemed to hate me even more. I hated playing into gender stereotypes, particularly since I have seemingly transgressed them, but the barbaric simplicity of challenging someone to 'go outside' when you didn't like them was at least not as exhausting as having to deal with the cliques and cliques within cliques of the various female social circles in school. I put her out of my mind as Shane came back to our table, although a part of me dreaded what she might do the next time I saw her at school. "Miss me?" I turned to face him and laughed, "Oh definitely, my world is empty without you in it." He inhaled through clenched teeth and chuckled, "If I knew you were so spicy, I probably wouldn't have needed to ask for hot sauce." As we continued to eat and chat, I found myself looking at him in a way I didn't expect. I'm sure our playful flirting didn't hurt, but I began to compare him to Mike. If Mike was an unassuming dough-eyed All- American man, Shane was the charming, worldly man with a secret wound that you wanted to help heal. Of course, that secret was his sexuality, but if I was 'Allen' again, who knows what possibilities that could bring... I blushed furiously as I realized what I was thinking about and when Shane playfully asked, "Is that piece of meat too much for you?", I accidentally bit my lip as I tried to hurriedly finish my piece of chicken and ignore his jab. What was I even thinking at this point? It was one thing to think about dating Mike as Ally, but this was a whole new wrinkle. Not that it mattered though, since I didn't suddenly find myself back in my own body with a burning desire to confess to my love to the rival quarterback. Instead, I just kicked him under the table again and laughed as he winced. We ended our meal relatively quickly after that, as I knew he had a long drive home. I died a little when I saw his car next to my hand-me-down metal box on four wheels, but he graciously offered that my car had 'charm' and 'character'. I jokingly asked if he wanted to trade and I think he actually considered it because of how funny it would be to show up at home with a car that was probably worth a fraction of what his ride cost. He waited for me to get into my car and leaned down into the window, "I really do hope tonight was helpful. Even if it's only something 'trivial' like dating, it can be hard when you don't have anyone else you can talk to about these things." I clasped my hand over one of his and nodded in response, "Yeah, it was nice to be able to talk some of this stuff through with people. Oh, and I promise I'll find a way to ask Violet to call you." He tapped on the car door as he stood up, happy that I found the group useful, "See you next week?" I leaned out the window and smirked, "Hopefully you take me somewhere nicer for our second date." He retorted as he went back to his car, "If you can tell me what foie gras is, I'll take you to the one French place in this tiny little town." I had no idea what that was, but it just sounded disgusting. I gave him a wave before our cars split off in different directions and began the drive home. Mom was waiting for me when I got home, although she didn't make a show of standing in front of the house this time. When I went into the living room, I could tell Steve wanted to ask me about my offhand comment about Britney earlier, but seeing the serious look on Mom's face he decided it could wait and simply ambled up the stairs to his room. It was a comical watching my parents exchange looks with each other as they tried to encourage each other to speak first, and as much as I would have enjoyed seeing them squirm all night, I decided to put them out of their misery and said, "It was fine, thanks for asking." Dad chimed in, "Sorry Princess, we didn't really know what to say." I surprised Mom when I plopped down next to her on the couch and leaned my head against her shoulder. I thought about Shane, Stacy, and the others and mused, "It's just a lot to deal with, but everyone seems to be able to manage it so well." She wrapped her arm around me and drew me closer into a hug, "You know you can tell us about what you're going through, right?" I thought about what I could tell her, but nothing came to mind. I could ask her for some help to find a therapist, but I knew that would ultimately mean 'dealing' with 'Allen' and I wasn't prepared for that at all. Maybe it was selfish self-preservation, but the last thing I wanted was for someone to tell me that 'I'm' not real. Even though that would be the most rational explanation, wouldn't it? Instead, I just sighed and leaned into my Mom's shoulder some more. Mom gave Dad a look as she stroked my head and he shrugged his shoulders slightly in response. She leaned down and whispered, "It's okay, you can tell us when you're ready." I had to admit I was always a little bit of a 'momma's boy', so it was nice to have her comforting me even if I knew it was a momentary reprieve. It was certainly better than having her angry at me, if nothing else. Before I went to bed, Jen sent me a text, 'How did it go?' 'It went well.' I paused and smiled, 'I told them about you.' I added a blushing emoji and giggled as Jen sent a few choice reactions back at me. 'I'll tell you more tomorrow', I typed before turning in for the evening. There was only one thing on my mind when I got to school the next day, as I thought about my promise to Shane. I found Violet sitting at one of the tables in the cafeteria, the Gaggle chitchatting around her. Perhaps it was the little bit I learned about her from Shane, but for the first time I noticed that even though she had her group of followers, she still seemed a little lonely. I took a deep breath and approached the table. Anna was the first person who noticed me and made an angry face as I got closer. Ignoring her, I turned to Violet and gingerly said, "Can I speak to you for a moment?" She shrugged her shoulders at me, but stood up before walking toward the door without acknowledging me. Anna seemed incensed, but I put her out of my head as I quickly followed her out the door and into the hallway. Without turning to face me, she said, "So, what's this about?" "So, I went to the meeting..." She turned to me with a raised eyebrow, "I didn't think you didn't you'd do it after all your procrastination." "Well, when my captain gives me an order..." "You're not going to stop with that, are you?" I laughed and gave her a playful jab which seemed to catch her off guard and embarrass her. I thought about teasing her a little more about it, but seeing the always cool and composed Violet blush made me think twice. As we approached the trees, I moved on to the main topic of our conversation, "Actually, there was something I wanted to tell you." We sat down in the same spot that we did the last time as she matter-of- factly told me, "No offence Ally, but I don't really need to know about how you found yourself and all that." I poked her again, "Was that a joke?" She rolled her eyes and I got the hint to continue, "As much as I'd like to confide in you, I'm actually here to tell you about someone I met." I turned to face her and smiled softly in order to try to offer her a friendly face, "Shane would appreciate it if you would get in touch with him..." She flinched and bit her lip as she backed away slightly from me, "Shane? Why would you... How do you..." I remained silent to let her brain catch up with her words as she slowly put two and two together. "Oh... OH!" "Yeah, I think he just wants to have a little closure and talk to you about it." She brought her knees up to her chest and gave them a hug, much like she did the last time she spoke about her father. "I guess Shane told you about what happened at Brightman?", she tentatively asked me. "Just that you stopped going one day and apparently he was told not to try to get in touch with you." She snorted in derision, "I went scorched earth on my father, and he went scorched earth on me." She shot me an annoyed look and added, "I didn't expect you'd be the one to bridge my old life with my new one." "It's not on purpose!", I protested. It was odd that I was in the middle of her life all of a sudden, but since I was already in the middle of her business already, I suddenly felt the need to confess seeing her lunch time dalliance before she somehow found out about it on her own. With a sheepish look on my face, I tentatively told her, "I did you see you meet a guy for lunch a while ago..." She looked at me closely and shook her head, "If I didn't know any better, I would have assumed my father was paying you to spy on me." Jeez, what did I get myself into? She laughed when she saw the fear on my face and comforted me, "Sorry, I'm just toying with you. No offence, but I don't think my father would even bother trying to find someone here to be his lackey, although he'd be surprised at how many people seem to be intimated by our family name, even here among the-" "Plebians", I finished for her. She laughed, the first time I had seen her laugh either as Ally or as myself, and gave me a poke, "Now I know for sure you've been talking to Shane." She pulled her phone out to unlock it before tossing it to me, "Do whatever it is you need to do to give me his number." I wanted to protest, but I wasn't sure if she genuinely saw it as something beneath her to do herself or if she didn't know how to do it. It was a top-of-the-line phone, but there was hardly anything on it. I don't even know if she has her email set up on this thing, and her contacts were pretty much blank outside of a handful of people who I assumed were her family and maybe the mysterious guy she's going out with. She leaned in close to me as I fumbled with her phone and mine, sending texts and contacts around so that I could finally put Shane's number on her phone. I could feel her rest her chin on my shoulder as she whispered, "Maybe I should hire you as my maidservant, you seem pretty good at these mundane tasks." I gave her a look of annoyance as I tossed her phone back at her, "Gee, thanks for your unending praise, your majesty." A panicked look crossed her face as she struggled to find the words to apologize to me, "I was... that was a joke. I'm sorry." I didn't know that she could ever show any vulnerability, particularly to someone she didn't even care about a few weeks ago. I'm kind of glad she outright rejected 'me', or at least Ally, because I definitely would have read the signals wrong otherwise. Instead, I stood up and did a terribly awkward curtsey as I replied in an equally terrible British accent, "Apology accepted, Madam Everdale." She frowned as she stood up, shooting me a stern look as she playfully said to me, "I'm not sure if I'm used to having my subjects mock me." "I suppose your group of retainers are well trained?" Violet laughed again, "I know it's been awkward on the team, particularly since... well, since I basically decided to shut you out and they followed my lead. But they're nice all girls." She sighed, "I should apologize to you about that. I thought you were patronizing me by giving me the captaincy. That was my life over at Brightman and I hated that so much." I don't think I could ever appreciate the angst over being handed everything on a silver platter, but she didn't need to know that. She gestured to the school to indicate that we should walk back and continued, "I genuinely thought you didn't care about cheerleading, because I couldn't fathom why someone would turn down the position. Of course, I still hate that you took pity on me." Sensing my feelings, she took my arm in hers to reassure me, "You're the first person to ever do something selfless for me voluntarily. It's not something I've ever experienced before, and I'll never forget that." I was about to say something to her when we noticed Britney bounding up to us, breathlessly trying to get our attention, "Ally... Violet..." She stopped in front of us and started panting. "Just stop and breathe," I told her. She leaned against me as she tried to speak between breaths, "Jen. Anna. Fighting. Mike." I just let out an exasperated sigh as I realized that Anna was probably making a big deal about seeing me with Shane yesterday. Without providing any context for Britney, I explained to Violet, "When I met Shane yesterday, Anna saw us." Violet rolled her eyes, but was surprisingly apologetic, "Anna's just... enthusiastic. I'll talk to her." As we began to rush back to the cafeteria, I couldn't help but add, "I think she might be a little jealous of whatever it is she thinks is happening between us." "Ugh, like 'The Favourite'. That's the last thing I need." I gave her a bit of an incredulous look as we approached the room, "I'd like to ask you about your taste in movies, but maybe another time." I'm not sure if Britney was following our conversation, but I think she might have been distracted enough by the fight she came to tell us about to miss out on the subtext. The sound of Jen and Anna screeching at each other filled the cafeteria as a crowd of students watched on. I saw Mike trying to get them both to stop yelling at each other and I felt sorry that he was dragged into this overblown drama. Violet and I rushed to the girls, Violet grabbing Anna and pulling her away while I did the same with Jen. I turned back and saw that Anna was soaked and then noticed the empty soda cup on the ground. I turned to look at Jen who simply gave me a sheepish look in return. "You're a freak!" I heard Anna yell behind me, as Violet continued to try to calm her down while leading her out of the cafeteria. That was probably a smart idea, and I pushed Jen toward the door on the other side of the room as I grabbed her things for her. I turned to Mike and Britney, and Britney seemingly had the good sense to nudge Mike toward me and offer, "I'll stay here and explain what happened to the teachers if they show up. You should go with Ally." Mike gave her a dumbfounded look but eventually recomposed himself and soon followed after Jen as we made our escape. I gave Britney and shy smile and nodded at her and she just waved me on as she began to clean up some of the mess that Jen had made when she tossed her drink at Anna. I definitely owed her one. We found ourselves in a secluded corner of the school, where I quickly asked them what happened. Jen threw Mike an angry look before turning to face me, "That... witch was talking about you and telling him about how you were on a date with some guy yesterday. She practically called you a slut, and since SOMEONE wouldn't step in to defend you, I felt the need to do it myself." I turned to Mike who began to stumble over his words, "I wanted to! I was just surprised because... because... because she showed me a picture of who you were with and it threw me off. She didn't recognize the other guy, but I couldn't forget him." Oh god, another picture. I guess I couldn't blame him for being shocked about his 'girlfriend' or whatever we were to each other going on a date with the man who destroyed his self-esteem. Jen could already see the forgiveness on my face because she stomped her foot and grabbed her bag from me in anger. She moved close to me, her face practically next to mine as she stared intently at me. From the look in her eyes, I could see her anger, frustration, and more importantly, her pain. I tried to find the words to tell her what I was feeling at the moment, but she knew nothing would be coming. She shot Mike another angry look and shoved me away from her as she let out a loud scream in frustration. "I'll leave you two lovers alone then!", she screeched at me before storming off in a huff. I called after her, "Jen! Wait!", but she ignored me and continued walking away from us. I hated this feeling. Violet was right, and being in the middle of whatever this thing was between Mike, Jen, and myself was starting to come to a head. But I didn't feel right making a choice for Ally. Even if 'I'm' some kind of figment of Ally's imagination, some form of psychosis from her mind crying out for help, it didn't seem right for me to make a decision that could impact her life so dramatically. If I was actually part of a split personality, I wondered if I was the first one to care so much about their 'host'. I sighed as I turned to Mike. At least I could try to work on my relationship with him. "Listen, there's a long story about Shane, but I promise you nothing is going on there." He flinched as he heard me say his name and tried his best to put on a strong front as he gave me a forced smile, "I... I know Ally. I trust you." I wasn't sure if he believed what he was saying, but I had to take him at his word. He reached for my hand and took it into his, giving it a squeeze, "I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you with Anna..." I couldn't help but laugh. Anna really was the last thing on my mind, but I'd be happy to put that issue to rest because the last thing I need now is some stupid 'Mean Girls' rivalry to distract me. "I don't care about her. As long as you really believe me." He looked down at his feet and mumbled softly, "Besides, I said I didn't want to pressure you into anything and I mean it." I reached for his chin to pull his head back up so that I could look at him in the eyes. I never thought I'd see this vulnerable side of him and there was a part of me - or perhaps it was Ally - that wanted to give him a hug... or maybe something more. But Jen's anger flashed in my mind, reminding me of the pain I was causing her as well and I realized that it wasn't that simple. There was something I could do to help him make a choice and maybe settle this once and for all. I took a deep breath and said, "I can tell you what's going on with me if you want. I don't know if I know all the answers myself, and I don't want to distract you right when we're about to get into the playoffs, but I can tell you everything." This time his smile as genuine as he lit up, taking my offer as a sign that I was ready to take our relationship to the next step. "If you feel comfortable telling me what's going on, it'd be my privilege to listen to you." I could feel my heart beat in my chest as I thought about telling him everything that has happened the last two months. But before I could respond, the warning bell ran to let everyone know that class was about to start. Literally saved by the bell! I gave him an apologetic look and nodded, "We'll find some time to talk." He wistfully released my hand and nodded in return as we began to walk back toward our classes. As we got to a fork in our paths, he gently offered, "I'll see you at practice?" "Yeah...". It was all I could say to him as we parted ways. It was going to be a long day and I almost looked forward to having classes to distract me from the melodrama that was now my life. At least for the time being I didn't have to think about what I was going to tell Mike. --- Thank you again for reading this chapter and for your patience as I try to carve out time to write the next part of story! I hope you enjoyed it and as always, feel free to leave comments or email me at [email protected]. It's always appreciated. Until next time!