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Altered Fate By Shagufta Hanaphie 1. a. Deepika meets Alok I was studying in the first year of engineering college at that time, so was Alok. The first time I met Alok he was struggling with some luggage he was trying to get to his hostel room. I carried it for him till the boys' hostel gate, as he walked behind looking quite embarrassed. I wondered at the frailty of the poor guy, he seemed so weak and shy. He thanked me profusely the next time we met - I think it was in the canteen. I tried to make light of it by saying, "It's alright. What are friends for?" Unfortunately, he read too much into my statement. Whenever he had a problem with studies, he would come to me. At lunch and dinner time, he would come and sit next to where I was, unless I was with a couple or more of my friends in which case he would shy away. I put up with him, helping him and talking to him only as much as required and not encouraging him in any way. Sometimes I felt like I was just talking to one of my female friends, his manner of talking and behaving were so timid and unmanly. Although sometimes this was okay, most of the time it irritated me more than anything else. 1. b. Alok, the effeminate Then one fine afternoon, he did something which really surprised everyone. He came up to me with a rose in his hand and said, "Deepika... I- I- er... love you... Can you... I mean... will you... m-... er.. marry me?" He was so nervous and was even absently holding the rose close to his stomach rather than offering it to me. Although this was probably the only remotely bold thing he ever did in his life, I just couldn't believe it. How could he even have thought of himself as my husband?! What little sympathy I had shown him could be mistaken for friendship but to think that I would ever love him?! Then a thought occurred to me. Were the seniors ragging him and making him do this as a silly prank? This was a quite common form of ragging. But I immediately realized that this was not the sort of ragging that they would use for Alok. The whole class knew the type of ragging that the senior boys subjected Alok to. You must have guessed it: they would make Alok dress in girls' clothes and act like a girl. It wasn't a difficult thing to do of course, the way he looked and talked already... in fact he made a beautiful girl when he was dressed up. Far from difficult, but of course demeaning, often humiliating, which the seniors loved - they got the full worth out of ragging him. One of my friends once asked her boyfriend whether he thought that she was the most beautiful girl in the college. He thought for a moment and then replied, "No Alaka is." When she put her hands on her hips and asked him who the hell Alaka was he replied, "Alaka... meaning Alok!" Then they both burst out laughing. Alok had been known as Alaka for a long time among the boys and after my friend narrated the incident that night in the girls' common room, it became popular with the girls too. We had all seen 'Alaka' at times forced to come to dinner wearing a saree. Sometimes they would make him attend lectures for the lighter subjects, like communication skills, wearing a salwar kameez. Everybody would wait for the attendance to be taken when he would have to raise his hand, and all the bangles on his arm would make a noise along with his faint "Present, sir". I don't know what else they made him do inside the boys' hostel. But I knew, from bits of conversation between the boys which I overheard, that his ragging extended into the night there. I also gathered that even they wondered at how he just obeyed them meekly and never even attempted to protest even slightly. As I recollected all these memories that ran through my mind in a half-second and then looked again at him standing before me proposing to me I could just let out a snigger and then grimaced. "How can you even think that I would marry a 'na-mard' (un-man) like you?!!" I said, my voice rising with my temper. His head dropped and I could make out that the people around had stopped their own talk and had turned to look at us, but I couldn't control my emotions. "Just look at you! The only way we might get married is by accident, and then you would be the wife! You have a million times better chance of marrying my brother than me!!" With that I stormed out of there. Whatever pity I had for him till then evaporated and was replaced by contempt. For a couple of days after that he tried to get back to the way things were between the two of us before that day. But every time he came to me for any help or to talk to me I would mock him: sometimes calling him "my would-have-been wife" and sometimes asking him whether he had come with a proposal to marry Sandy, my brother. I always did this openly in front of whoever was around - and enjoyed the laughs. Soon he stopped coming to me although I could make out that he still hoped and imagined that there would be something between us. The last time he tried, he asked me, "Can't there be anything between us, even friendship?" I replied quite seriously, "Of course there can be... you can always be my sister-in-law...," smirked, and walked away. 1. c. Sandy likes 'Alaka' In the meantime the ragging continued. The finale of it at the end of the year was the class group photo. All the boys were to wear suits and ties and the girls sarees. Of course, everybody forced Alok to dress up fully in a saree and makeup and a little bit of jewelry like the other girls. When I showed the photo in the college yearbook at home, Sandy and my mother both wanted to know who 'that girl' was, whom I had never mentioned. "That's Alaka," I told them. "She's a beautiful young girl... But why does it say Alok here in the list of names at the bottom?" my mother replied. "The printer made a mistake," I said, and added under my breath, "and nature made a bigger one." Later that day, I found Sandy secretly looking at the photo again. He was quite abashed when I caught him looking at it. "Do you want to marry Alaka?" I teased him. "NO...", he said, "I don't want to get married and be stuck with kids!" "Oh! So otherwise you DO want to marry her, eh?!" I said grinning. He couldn't control his half-blush, half-smile. "Well don't worry," I said, "you can safely marry her without worrying about kids... you need only think about...", I whispered, "S-E-X-!" He ran out of the room thoroughly embarrassed that I had read his mind. After everybody else had gone to bed later that night, he came to me and asked what I had meant. I told him everything, about how Alaka really was Alok, how he used to be ragged, how he had tried to propose to me and how I used to tease him about marrying Sandy. "Oh......" he said seeming more perplexed than annoyed. I went to sleep chuckling about the whole incident. That night I had a strange dream. Sandy kept coming in it and asking me to somehow arrange to marry 'Alaka'. My mother would keep coming and asking me about what sort of a girl Alaka was and I was confused whether to keep it a secret from her that Alaka was a boy. I was thankful it was all a dream when I woke up because it had all seemed so real. After the vacation was over and college resumed, at the first opportunity when we started teasing Alok again, I told my friends about how Sandy had fallen for 'Alaka'. Everybody enjoyed the story and the teasing continued for the remaining years. 2. Alok becomes Alaka 2. a. The accident You may think I was very cruel in doing all this; once or twice I thought maybe I had insulted him too much the first time, but then even my friends would tell me that I did the right thing by telling him exactly what he was - effeminate. The very fact that he couldn't stand up to the teasing and ragging he went through proved it. He had no right to call himself a man in any way. I mean if a person has no characteristics of a man then you really can't be expected to treat him like one... just because he was awarded with a particular type of genitalia at birth... A few days into the vacation before the final year, we received the news that Alok and his parents - who had gone to a holy place in North India to pray for his success in the final year and to ask God for a good wife for him - were among a few dozen people who had died in a landslide. At that time, Sandy was in the same district on a business trip as a senior executive for his company. He said he would go there and see if he could maybe just pay his last respects. A notice was put up in college announcing his sad demise although it was more of a news item than any real cause for grief. Nobody really missed him much, because he was such an introvert. Some relatives of his visited the college but only to try and recover the fees that he had paid and to collect the items from his room. 2. b. Fate The next day I got a call from Sandy telling me to come to a hospital where he was. "Why?" I asked, surprised at why he was calling me there of all places as soon as he had returned from his trip. "To see Alok," he whispered. "Look, I don't want to see a dead body, definitely not his!" I said. "Just come," he said. I went and he took me to a private room in the hospital away from all the other wards. Alok lay on a bed there, a bit bruised and cut it seemed, but overall nothing major and certainly very much alive! The only thing was a big white bandage covering on his groin. I looked at Sandy, confused. "He didn't die," Sandy explained, "He managed to run away from the main part of the landslide but fell into a small crevice where he remained quite safe, until one rock fell on a portion of his body..." It was needless to say which. "I found him there before the government appointed rescue team was formed and reached there, and was going to immediately call for help on the spot, but he begged me not to and asked me to take him elsewhere. The doctors there did some basic bandaging but we had to get him here to be properly operated upon. But otherwise, nobody knows much about this." "His relatives?" I asked. "No please!" Alok who had been quiet uptil now murmured, "I can't bear the shame of ever telling them that... that..." he sobbed. I looked at Sandy. "The doctor said there's no hope. The original... um... organ is gone; a replacement will only be a placeholder. He can still urinate through an opening they can leave but nothing more..." "Why me?" Alok was still sobbing, "Why me?! There must be something that can be done!" I sat beside his bed, a little sympathetic now but clear as to the realities that now faced him. "Look... Alok," I said, "I always believe everything's for the best..." "How?!" he cried, "How can it ever be?" I struggled for a while and then said, "Maybe you should just become a... a... woman?" He stared at me, the tears still welling up in his eyes. "What??!!" he said, "How can you even say that?! I'm a man! All these years, I still have feelings for you and you say something like this to me...?" Hearing that he still entertained hopes about me made me even colder and ready to put across the truths firmly to him. I drew a deep breath and began, "Look Alok, all this time we may have just said it jokingly, teasingly, mockingly... but the fact is, you are just too effeminate to ever have been a man. Everything about you is unmanly. Maybe you were hoping to settle down in life with a job and a wife who is even more timid than you are, but now you can forget all that. I know you will never come back to college and complete your education after you are able to leave the hospital. You are nowhere near ambitious or a fighter so you will never be able to come up in life. You're a pushover who will just do what he's told." He was crying more than ever now as he listened to the harsh reality being put across to him. "You're not going to face your relatives so you can't get any assistance from them either. And now, you don't even have a..", I hurried through the word, "..penis." "So instead of remaining a eunuch, why don't you just become a woman? You already look feminine and talk and act like a female. As a woman you can lead a completely new life!" He was crying uncontrollably now. Sandy was pursing his lips. Even my pulse was racing as I realized how crazy it all sounded but how inescapable it was. "And what will I do after I become a woman?!" he cried, "Become a beggar? Or a prostitute?!" "Maybe you can get married and just be a housewife..." I said. "Oh and who will marry me?!" he exclaimed. My heart skipped a beat as I could see where this was quickly heading... "I will," said Sandy stepping forward. 2. c. Exit Alok, enter Alaka I don't remember everything that happened in the next few days - so many things seemed to be happening so fast. Alok, whom we now started calling Alaka full time so that he would get accustomed to it, slowly came to grips with the fact that this was the only course possible for his life now, although he kept crying about it every now and then. I too had a difficult time accepting that everything that had just been a tease so far was suddenly about to become a reality that I could never have thought possible. Sandy wore a dreamy look on his face as he felt that the 'girl' of his dreams was about to materialize in such odd circumstances. Alok too must have had a hard time thinking of Sandy as his husband to be. He had no choice because who else would have married him - with or without knowing his biological background, especially if they expected to have children. Sandy was also the person who had rescued him and would pay for his operation. We of course had to think of what to tell our mother. We knew that she would be pleased to have Alaka as her daughter-in-law, but how were we going to explain the fact that Alaka had no relatives? We concocted a story that Alaka had been gang raped - which she didn't find hard to believe at all - and that her community being a backward one had outcasted her from their society and she was now all alone in the world even though she was a nice and beautiful person. "Poor girl," she had reacted, "How can you blame her for what she went through. I'm proud that my son is being so magnanimous in accepting her for his wife." But even then, we agreed that it would be difficult to explain anything to our relatives and friends if we held a full wedding ceremony. So we decided to say that Alaka was a girl Sandy had met on one of his business trips (which, in a way, was true) and that they had a love marriage. Alok underwent hormone treatment to become a girl. He had a sex change operation to develop a 'vagina' which could feel the sensations that his penis used to. Finally he had breast augmentation performed on him (for which Sandy made sure the size of the breasts was really luscious!) Alaka was now a complete woman, ready to become a dutiful housewife and daughter-in-law... and my bhabhi. 3. Alaka weds Sandeep 3. a. Acceptance After Alaka was ready to be discharged from the hospital, Sandy arranged for a temporary flat where Alaka could stay till they were married. I don't know whether to refer to Alaka as 'him' or 'her' for this part of the story. Perhaps it would be best if I referred to 'her' from Sandy's point of view and 'him' from mine and his own - that really would reflect the state of mind we were in at that point. Even though I had seen Alok being effeminate in college all these years and even dressed in girls' clothes during his ragging, it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that he was now a full time woman right down to the equipment he had below his underwear. Sandy had no problems in thinking of Alaka as a girl. From the first time he saw her and all along in his dreams he had thought of Alaka, the beautiful girl. It had just been a few days in the hospital that he had seen what had been Alok. After the operation, he was of course very eager to be with Alaka as long as possible, sometimes taking leave from office to be with her. Alaka, however, was not at all comfortable with Sandy. He had just started life as a woman and was still reeling under the realization of his future. The last thing he wanted was to be immediately also cast into the role of a wife. A couple of days later, when I went to meet him before leaving for college, he started speaking of calling off the marriage. He babbled for some time of how he would somehow try and get a job and live alone because he didn't want to marry a man. I just sat there without saying anything, and sure enough, after some time he himself realized that we had already gone through all this and there was nothing he could do. "Okay," he finally admitted, "I know I have to go with this but please give me some time... just a year or so... at least a few months... so I can get used to being a woman." I thought quickly: for one, he didn't deserve anything from us and it wouldn't be right to deny Sandy his rightful pleasure for even a day longer than required. Also there was no telling what he might decide after a few months - maybe he would think that going back to his relatives, even as a woman, would be better and run away from us. That would leave Sandy heart broken and my mother shocked. There was no way I could let him do any of that and give him any time at all to think. Once he got married and was put in the role of a submissive wife, I knew it would break his will forever and he would stay put; then we could all live happily ever after. "No Alaka," I told him, "You are going to marry Sandeep the next week just like we planned. There's no going back now." He gave me a somewhat defiant look and said, "What if I just don't come? I'll just stay here in this room. You can't physically drag me out in public..." "Maybe not," I replied, "But we have lots of photos of you after the operation, both dressed AND undressed... I'm sure if I just leave them lying around somewhere in college they will find their way around - maybe even reach the notice board. You can stay in this room, I'm sure you'll never be lonely as you'll have a lot of visitors who will want to see you and know how it feels to be a woman. Maybe some of your colleagues will take you back to the boys' hostel for some more ragging fun... Oh sorry, this time it will be the girls' hostel - you need not be shy anymore, I'm sure the girls will enjoy your company..." I stopped, seeing that my threats were having the desired effect on him. "I think you understand then," I said, "I'm leaving now and I'll be back next week - till then I hope you will have completely accepted everything." When I did return the next week, he had indeed accepted his destiny. There was no further dispute ever about what he was to do. He would quietly obey the wishes of his husband and in-laws to be. 3. b. Preparations for the 'bride' We spent the weekend shopping for the bride. The main item was the saree. There were two: both beautiful silk ones. One was an electric blue saree for the wedding reception, and the other a red one for... later that night. Then there was the jewelry: the highlight being the mangalsutra, followed by dozens of bangles, ear-rings and a wedding ring. All this, we shopped for together - Sandy having the major say in the choice of sarees and my mother in the jewelry. Later in the evening, I alone took Alaka with me to a lingerie store to pick out a sexy pair of bra and panties for the wedding night. I knew Sandy would have loved to pick out those too but was too embarrassed as mother might have asked him about it. Just before I left, he whispered to me, "Satin". I smiled knowingly and winked. He grinned. We went to the bridal section where a saleswoman was busy with one customer, so a salesman came up to us. "Something white, in satin," I said. "What size, madam? For whom is it?" he enquired. "For him," I blurted, "...er... her, I mean," I quickly corrected. I still thought of Alaka as 'him' - I would have to get out of that soon. The salesman looked at me and then back at Alaka, giving me a look as if I had said the stupidest thing ever. Alaka was just voluptuous and from the salesman's point of view - the epitome of feminine sensuousness. "Sorry," I whispered to Alaka who had turned pale with the brief reminder of his former self and seemed to turn even paler as the salesman presented one set of lingerie after another, each exquisitely done. Alaka looked like he was going to faint, so I quickly asked the salesman about the material of each and the prices, chose what I thought my brother would find the most attractive and left. I could sense all the other salesmen ogling Alaka as we left and smiled as I saw Alaka biting his lip like any shy girl would have. The day before the wedding came, all the womenfolk had a session for applying mehendi designs on their hands. Alaka's - the bride's - was the most intricate and took the longest time. By this time I had started thinking of Alaka's fate on their suhaag raat (wedding night). I imagined those mehindi-covered hands trying to hold back Sandy's muscular body as he passionately made love to her. I snapped out of it and looked at Alaka and could see that even his thoughts must be there. I couldn't help feeling a little sorry for him, but then I told myself that even he would be receiving a lot of pleasure, probably more than his husband, and that these were the emotions which even every real girl went through before the first time... but got used to soon. 3. c. The wedding reception The big day dawned. We had invited only our closest relatives and friends for the wedding reception. It began early in the evening, with a brief ceremony just for name's sake. Sandy looked strong and handsome in his suit and tie and Alaka looked very pretty in his blue saree. Sandy tied the mangalsutra around Alaka's neck. The duo then exchanged garlands. The ceremony finished with Sandy applying the sindhoor to Alaka's forehead. Alaka now 'belonged' to Sandeep. Alaka nervously gulped down a glass of water as Sandy made for the stage where the newly married couple would meet the guests one by one. Sandy grabbed her hand and pulled her towards their seats. The next hour or so was spent meeting each group of guests. It would typically began with a congratulation to which Sandy would beam and Alaka would present a fake smile which he seemed to have practised a lot. Then someone would comment on the beauty of the bride and how lucky indeed Sandy was to be her husband. I noticed many of the men looking Alaka over appreciatively, as they waited before their turn to meet the couple. I quietly giggled as I saw one of my adolescent cousin brothers struggle to adjust his underwear to hide his reaction! Sandy must have been through that dozens of times already! - and tonight... he would just let everything loose. As I was pondering over this, someone tapped my shoulder and said, "Er... Deepika?" I turned around to see a boy and girl, more or less my age, the girl seemingly the boy's younger sister, smiling. After a second or two I remembered the girl as Shalini, the daughter of one of my father's close business associates. We had hardly met just once. But where had I seen that boy before? "I'm Vikram," he said, almost as if in response to my thoughts, "Remember me? I was your senior, in the batch two years ahead of you..." Now it struck me - I had seen him now and then during the first two years at college, although we had never met as such, because of the age difference and because he studied in a different branch. But he must definitely have known Alok well after all the ragging in the boys' hostel. "That's... Alok right?" he asked me knowingly. I didn't know what to do - this could prove to be a real embarrassment for everyone. "Yes," I whispered apprehensively, "But look..." Shalini wore an expression of half-amazement half-smile as Vikram assured me, "No no no... Don't worry, we won't tell anyone. We just want to meet the couple like everyone else. You see, my sister saw our yearbook when I was in the third year, and I told her about how everyone had made Alok dress like a girl for his class photo. She found it really cute and amazing that a guy could be so feminine. A few days back she said that I just made up a story and that Alaka was really a girl about to get married and there never was any Alok person." "So of course, I had to prove to her that I wasn't making anything up, but more than anything else I was intrigued by this 'wedding' business. What's really going on here? This seems too elaborate for another joke..." I took a deep breath and replied, "Alok had to have a sex change operation to become Alaka and now he... she... really has just married my brother... Please don't ask me anything more and keep this a secret to yourselves." "Sure, sure...," he said tauntingly, "But how about we just meet our pretty Alaka first, it's been a long time!" "Let me get Alaka here," I said, "I don't want anything to go wrong in front of the rest of my family." I went over to Alaka and told him, "Alaka, a friend of Alok's is here, I think you had better meet him over there. Come with me..." Alaka turned pale again. "Look just come and get this over with," I said tugging him along with an apologetic, "Excuse us," to the guests who were thankfully busy chatting with my parents. Alaka stood in front of Vikram, slightly quivering. I clutched his hand to give him some support. "So... Alaka!" he said looking him over, "Well... well... mmm hmmm..." Alaka swallowed hard. "My aren't you sexy! Those are some breasts you have there! And, oh, I suppose there's nothing down there anymore?" he mocked. Shalini clapped her hand to her mouth and giggled, still wide-eyed. "So," Vikram continued, "Will you be fulfilling all your... er.. duties towards your husband? Wooowww...!!" Alaka looked as if he was about to cry. I glared at Vikram. "Enough bhaiyya," Shalini said. She stood on her toes and gave Alaka a peck on his cheek. "You're a brave person," she said to him, "Best of luck with your husband. Have fun tonight!" With that, they both walked away, grinning. I accompanied Alaka to the bathroom and helped him wash his face and regain his composure. Then I led him back to the stage and let the proceedings continue. The remaining evening passed without event. After all the guests had left after dinner, we all went home. 4. Suhaag raat (Narrated by Alaka) 4. a. Before As soon as we reached home, I hurried to the bathroom - I badly needed to relieve myself, I don't know whether it was because of all the glasses of water I had been drinking, or because I was so nervous and scared, or just because of the excitement. Getting used to sitting down while doing it had been relatively one of the simpler things to get accustomed to as a woman. But from this night on, the lower part of my body would have much more to deal with. I freshened up and just stood there for a few minutes, realizing that these would be my last few minutes alone as a virgin. I had braced myself for this night so many times, but now it was just minutes away... I came out of the bathroom and walked into Deepika's room - we had gone over this and decided that I would dress up here while Sandy would wait in his... our... bedroom. Deepika and her mother were sitting on the bed with all the clothing, jewelry and make-up items laid out over the bed and dressing table. My mother-in-law smiled as I entered and said, "I would have liked to help you dress up as well, but Deepika talked me out of it, saying that you would be a little embarrassed with me around." I nervously bit my lip, something that I seemed to have naturally developed after my sex change, and gave her a half-smile. "That's okay child," she said, "I understand - after all she's from your generation and your classmate. And you can discuss some things which maybe I'm just a little too old for!" She laughed. I reciprocated with a generous smile. She got up and put her hand on my shoulder and said, "But before I go, I feel it's my duty to tell you some things... I don't know whether or not your mother told you about a wife's duties to her husband... so I just want to make sure you are prepared for the rest of the night and the rest of your married life..." I knew what she was talking about but I didn't want to tell her that this was unnecessary, so I just nodded slightly. I could make out Deepika doing her best to supress a smile in the background. "Well, since... er... your virginity was forcefully taken from you... I feel so sorry for you about that... well it is past now but since it happened... I think you know what a man wants from a woman." I had almost completely forgotten about the "had been raped" story I was supposed to pretend about, but as she reminded me about it I quickly put my head down and put on a sad looking expression. "Well, forget about that," she continued, patting me on my back, "My son will be ever so gentle with you..." I had my own doubts about that. "Believe me, it's a wonderful experience between a husband and a wife. You will like it and soon start looking forward to Sandeep coming home in the evening..." she continued, "Well, for tonight just relax and don't be tense, just submit to his desires as well as your own - the rest will take care of itself... Okay?" I nodded and bent down to touch her feet to take her blessings like a good daughter-in-law. She patted my head, smiled at me one last time and then left the room. I turned around to look at Deepika. I felt grateful to her for having talked her mother out of being there while I got dressed. She had been there for me all along helping me get accustomed to being female. I remembered the first few days in college, when she was the only one I could talk to and turn to for help. It all came rushing back to me now. How she must have thought of me more like a female friend than a male one, those words she had let out at me when I proposed to her, and her teasing me that I could only be her sister-in-law... That had come true and perhaps I deserved all of it for the sissy I had always been. But... I still had those feelings for her... but here I was, a bride about to be dressed up for her husband's enjoyment. I had always felt embarrassed in college to be dressed up as a girl in front of her; and all these days although I had been happy to be supported by someone who understood what I was going through, I sometimes wondered: whether even if these circumstances - which made me from a man to a woman - HAD to occur, I would rather they had been in front of someone else - anybody else - even that girl Shalini who had laughed at my plight, instead of this girl who I had loved and someday hoped to make my wife. 4. b. The dressing "Come on, get out of those clothes quick," Deepika urged, stopping short my train of thoughts. I half-froze: this wasn't the right time to have remembered all that - not when she would be helping me dress up and the talk would probably involve my impending first night with a man. "God! If you just stand there like that all day, we'll never get done tonight!" Deepika exclaimed, "Here, take off everything and put these on, I'll be back in five minutes whether or not you're ready!" With that, she handed me the 'bridal' bra and panties we had bought together and walked out of the room. I knew Deepika didn't make false threats, so I quickly pulled off my saree and started unbuttoning my blouse. A confused set of images flashed in my mind. Deepika was wearing the blouse and I was unbuttoning it. I was wearing the blouse and Sandy was unbuttoning it. I took it off and also quickly undid the skirt. I was slowly becoming a little numb and my heart was pounding. I hurried through the motions of taking off the plain cotton bra and panties I was wearing and quickly putting on the satin panties. I loved the feel as I slid them all the way up my smooth legs and put them on. I hurried with the bra too dreading that Deepika would come in at any moment and comment on my large breasts. She came in just as I was struggling with the hook at the back. "Let me...," she said walking up to me. I let go of the ends as she held them firmly and pulled the together and neatly fastened the hook. I looked into the mirror and into her reflection looking at mine. We both smiled slightly. She could make out that I was having a little problem breathing because of the tight fit of the bra, not to mention my nervousness. "Just a little...," she said putting her hand in front of my chest and making to push my right breast upwards. I understood and quickly put my hand to it and adjusted it till it was a little easier and also made me look more sexy. "Alright," she said withdrawing her hand as I adjusted my other breast to match. "Okay, let's start with the nails since they take the longest," Deepika said. I had wanted to get into my outer clothes as soon as possible and not remain in only the lingerie in front of her - but obviously the right way a girl would do it was to first finish with all the make-up and accessories while comfortable in the least of clothes, and then get into the complicated saree. "Okay", I murmured and sat down on the stool in front of the dressing table. Deepika got down on her knees as she opened the bottle of nail polish. My palms were already covered with the mehendi and a deep red nail polish. I just couldn't imagine that they were my hands. The nail paint that Deepika was now applying was a much brighter red and glossy, very close to the colour of the saree. "So?" she said, not looking at me as she carefully applied the paint to my nails. "So? What?" I countered, knowing full well that this was just a way to start a slightly intimate conversation. After a brief half-hearted struggle to suppress it she burst, "Don't scratch Sandeep too much!" and looked up at me, grinning. I smiled back and said, "Is it okay if I bite?" She giggled, I was surprised and relieved that I had been able to reply well, even reply at all. I felt a little less numb but my pulse continued racing. "I'll check his back for red marks tomorrow morning..." she said in a mock warning tone. I couldn't reply this time as my mind started thinking of how I would be lying on my back with my hands on top of his. Deepika had finished with the nails by that time and now picked up the powder kit. I sat quietly and let her wipe me and apply all the stuff it contained - not really knowing what each thing was. "So," she started again, as she finished with the eye-shadow and started with the eyeliner, "have you two kissed?" Again I fought with the visualisation of my first kiss - with a girl - that had played in my mind for years and years. "Not yet," I said. "Well, this is probably going to wear off very fast then...," she said as she brought a tube of lipstick up to my lips - the same bright red colour - and I moved them in the right position for her to apply it. She ran it over a few times and I rubbed my lips together looking into the mirror. "Mmmmm.... you're a hot darling!" she teased. I could see that for myself in the mirror - I almost felt a little proud but at the same time apprehensive of the trouble I was inviting. "Just ready and waiting to be fucked!!" she said smugly. I was stunned. I hadn't ever thought her capable of using that word so openly, and that too to describe things so blatantly. "Hey, don't get me wrong," she said laughing as I started putting on my skirt and blouse with an air of indignation, "I'm just happy for my brother... and for you too! Aren't you a lucky girl to drive your men wild with pleasure!" I didn't understand what she meant by 'men' and just hoped that she had mispronounced 'man' or used the term figuratively. I had to slow down with the saree as I carefully made the pleats at the front - which I had not mastered yet. "I don't know why you're fussing with it so much," Deepika continued, "Think it's going to stay on for too long?" she asked giggling. I didn't reply, just went on but messed up hopelessly - the dozens of bangles on my hands clinking as I tried to make the pleats were somehow unsettling me. "Dear dear," she said picking up the mess I had made and sorting it out properly. "Thanks," I said after she was done. "These are the last things I think," she said handing me a pair of dangling ear-rings which matched the necklace she was holding in her hand. I sat down on the stool again, and bent forward to put them on as she stood behind with the necklace in her hand. I straightened up after I was done and let Deepika put the necklace around my neck, along with the mangalsutra which was already on. "Click." The ever so faint noise made by the fastening of the hook could be heard clearly in that pin-drop-silent room. There was nothing more left to be done. Deepika had let go of the necklace and put her hands on my shoulders. She and I were now both looking at the same thing: my reflection in the mirror. A 'red hot' bride, on her wedding night, ready...... "Run! RUN!!" screamed a voice in my mind. "WHERE? where?..." asked another weaker one. I turned around and looked into Deepika's eyes. "Why?" was all I could say, "Why?" She squeezed my shoulders, bent down, looked into my eyes and said, "Because. Because this is your destiny." I sat there, speechless, motionless. Deepika patted my back. Three times. I counted. Each precious one. "Come now," she said, "You've kept your husband waiting for too long..." 4. c. The undressing I had to muster all of my strength to stand up. My knees had gone all weak and I was starting to numb again. "I... I feel so weak," I stammered to Deepika. "Just relax," she said to me as she slowly guided me out of the room, "You only need strength to be active or to resist. You don't need to do either of these tonight. Just submit to both of your desires. You have to think of yourself as the submissive wife. The doctors have seen to it that you will feel the pleasures of a woman, so don't feel guilty or embarrassed to enjoy it." She had succeeded, as she talked, in guiding me out of her room to Sandy's - and my - bedroom door. She squeezed my hands one last time and then left them to open the door. Sandy was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning on his hands with his head bent down; he looked like he had been sitting there like that forever. He looked up eagerly as soon as the door opened. "Your bride is here," Deepika announced, stepping aside for him to see me. He stood up as I slowly walked into the room. Deepika was still standing at the door, holding it wide open. Sandy glared at her. She gave him an innocent look back. "Thanks, you can go to bed now," he said. "Can I, really? Sure?" Deepika asked mischievously. Sandy took a step forward and made a gesture as if he was going to hit her. Deepika ducked and went out of the room pulling the door shut behind her. "Don't stay up too late...," she called from the other side. "You don't worry about that," Sandy called back as he went up to the door and secured the latch. I dropped my head as he turned around. He came up and stood in front of me. I continued to look down. He put two fingers under my chin and lifted my head up. I looked into his eyes. He let go of my chin and held me by my waist with both his hands. In a reflex action, I lifted my hands and put them on his shoulders. My lips quivered for a moment, the next - they were locked with his. He pulled my body close to his, first by the waist, then lifting one hand and pulling my back till my chest collided with his. After a few seconds, he let go of my lips but continued to hold me close. "Alaka," he whispered, "I have loved you and wanted you from the first time I set my eyes on you. Now you are mine. I will do all I can to be a good, loving husband to you. I know your situation is different, but just accept me and be mine, and I will make you happy for the rest of our married life." "I... I like you too," I babbled, "Just... I just don't feel as close to you... And I'm still... I'm still not used to being a- a- a woman..." He put a finger onto my lips. "I know," he said, "But that's going to change soon, very soon. Tonight, you will share an intimacy with me that you never have had with anyone before. And you will feel even more womanly than probably even Deepika does, by the time this night is over." I nodded helplessly. "But... but please remember I'm- I'm a virgin," I told him. He smiled and said, "I know. I'm one too you know. This will be a first-time, unbelievable experience for both of us. So let's both try not to be selfish. Just give in to me and tell me if you don't like something, okay?" I nodded again. "Good," he said smiling and letting go of me. He looked me over from top to bottom as I stood before him thinking of the advice everybody had given me so far and hoping it would turn out as nicely as they had put it. "You are SO beautiful," he said, "I almost feel guilty doing this but..." he reached behind and grasped my pallu and yanked it in front. I instinctively grabbed it at a point just in front of my breasts but then smiled slightly and let go of it. Sandy continued to pull off the rest of the saree walking around me as it unwound. Deepika had been right about it not staying on me for long. Sandy had pulled off the saree completely now and thrown it on the floor, and was standing behind me. His hands squeezed my arms as he ran his mouth over my neck. I closed my eyes as he continued to ravish me. His right hand groped my chest and settled over my breast which he gave a tight squeeze and then caressed for a while. Then suddenly he whirled me around. I opened my eyes and looked at him. I was breathing quite heavily now with my chest heaving up and down with each breath. He started unbuttoning the blouse, from top to bottom, watching my cleavage reveal itself as he did so. I stood like a mannequin as he undid the last one and pulled the blouse off my body. He was taking a long look at my bosom now, almost like he was wondering where to start. On a sudden impulse, I decided to take a bit of initiative and pulled one end of the knot holding my skirt and let it go. It promptly fell to my feet and I now stood in front of my groom in only my bridal lingerie. Sandy started to unbutton his own shirt as he continued to feast his eyes on my body. I watched his shirt come off and show off the strong muscular torso and arms beneath. Then he undid his belt and unzipped his trousers, letting them fall in the same fashion I had. We both took a step out towards each other. In a flash, he had lifted me off the floor and onto the bed and jumped onto it over me himself. As he passionately made love to me, I tried to shed my inhibitions and think and feel like a woman. His strong arms had pinned my slender ones down to the bed and I was helplessly in his masculine grip - that helped me in a way, because it made me feel vulnerable and feminine; but it still felt a bit like I was being forced, even though I wanted to just submit to him, like Deepika had said. I wished I hadn't thought of Deepika - again my mind dwelt into my past desires for her and I started feeling the humiliation again. The only way to put an end to those thoughts was to tell myself that I was a woman now, and I madly wanted to make love to a man as much as any man would to me. I pushed against Sandy's chest, resisting his continued ravishing. He paused, loosening his grip on my arms, to look at me and see what was the problem. I lifted my right arm and gently pushed against his shoulder. He understood and we both rolled over so that I was now on top of him. I kissed him and then started kissing his body all over from head to toe. He quietly relished it for a while then grabbed my arms again and pulled me back up, until I was leaning over him. Then he reached behind my back for the hook in my bra and undid it. He pulled it off and my breasts hung in front of his face. I leant further down over him until his face was almost buried in them. After a few seconds, I moved up and remained there for him to play with my breasts. He ran his hands over them, stroked them, cupped them, squeezed them, pinched them... all as I closed my eyes and sighed pleasurably. After a while, I started feeling those thoughts again and thought I needed to become active again. Sandy gaped at me as I firmly pulled his hands away from my breasts wondering what I was going to do next. Kissing was the only skill in my repertoire at this point so I continued where I had left of until I was just over his crotch. Sandy suddenly got up and ordered me, "Take it off!" I gingerly peeled his briefs off, watching them reveal... something I had of course seen before... but never someone else's, and that too in such close proximity to my face. I pulled the briefs off over his legs, watching his big hard penis, stand up every now and then. This was to be the defining moment. I bent my head down over it till it was just an inch below my face when it stood up. I took a deep breath and moved my face even closer until it banged against my face and I could feel the resistance as it tried to push further. I moved my face up till the head of his penis was at my lips, then I kissed it. Sandy let out a gasp. I slowly put my tongue out and licked the head. Sandy continued to groan in ecstasy. I licked it from the base to the head again and then opened my mouth wide, and let his penis move into it. As I closed it and felt the warmth of his penis and a taste of a bit of liquid which trickled out of it, I almost felt like Sandy was the only person in the world for me. The pleasure I was giving him was my pleasure too, and that was all I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I gave it a good long suck as I started enjoying the intimacy and submissiveness of what I was doing. What Sandy had said was true, but I wasn't thinking of that at that time - I was only thinking of how to continue these sensations I had never felt or imagined ever before. "Enough," Sandy said, bending forward and pulling my head away from his penis. I looked up at him and waited, as if for his next orders. He looked around at the small table next to our bed and picked up the small bottle that was on it. I hadn't noticed it before, but I could easily imagine what it was. I felt as if my legs were loosening and weakening at the same time. I pulled off the panties that I still had on, threw them aside and took the bottle from Sandy's hand. I took some of the oil on my fingers and applied it to his penis and rubbed it all around. Sandy took the bottle back from me, and kept it back on the table. We looked at each other for a little while and then I slowly moved back into position on the bed and lay on my back. Then, as Sandy slowly moved over me, I spread my legs apart, feeling as if all of my body was now concentrated into that one passage between them. It felt like nothing else imaginable - to have his penis entering my vagina... I can't even remember what I did or said as he slowly moved into me. I covered his back with my arms, closed my eyes and moaned as he slowly moved out. Then in. Then out. In, out, in, out, IN, OUT...! It was pure ecstasy! The world had faded and sight and sound became just complicated and unnecessary senses to have - there was only one feeling our two bodies were resonating to. I didn't even realise when I changed from moaning to groaning to almost screaming. But all of a sudden, as if awakened by my own screams, I felt even more conscious of the world than I had ever been. My nails were digging into Sandy's back and I continued to let out sounds pitching higher and higher - but it was like my mind was just a passenger in that body which responded without consulting it. And now those thoughts, those damned thoughts were descending on me all at once. "No..." I groaned, as Sandy fucked me harder and harder and I dug harder into his back. "Don't scratch Sandeep too much!" I heard those words of Deepika's as if she had just said them. Oh God, was she on the other side of the door, hearing me screaming like this? No, of course not, those words had just repeated in my imagination. But still ...was she? "I told you, you would be marrying my brother and not me," I could hear her saying. It had to be my imagination. I could see a scornful expression on her face. The tape was playing in reverse. "How could you even think...?" "How...?" those words were echoing. A wet feeling in my vagina indicated that the climax was just around the corner. "Destiny...," I heard Deepika whispering. "Ohhhhhhh...," Sandy let out as he came and started squirting uncontrollably into my vagina. "Ahhhhhh...," I moaned unable to control myself. I heard Deepika's laugh. "THIS... is your DESTINY." THE END.