Ian, Part 8 free porn video

I try not to fidget as the middle-aged man sat in front of me finishes reviewing the information we provided. My clothes aren't exactly comfortable- but under the circumstances, they could easily have been a lot LESS comfortable. "Mr. and Mrs. Walker," the man says, before turning to me and grandma. "Ian, Mrs. Jones." I try not to smirk as I sense mum and dad- who are only barely keeping their tempers in check- bristle at the use of what is now my real name. "I have reviewed all the evidence presented to me, and there is only one conclusion I can draw." My heart beats faster as the man- an independent arbiter agreed upon by both my parents and my grandmother- prepares to begin his summary, only to be interrupted before he can say a word. "So you will make Kayleigh-Ann come home with us?" Mum asks, and this time it's my turn to bristle at the use of my deadname. "No," the arbiter says, making me breathe a sigh of relief. "All the evidence provided shows that Ian has a legitimate case of gender identity dysphoria. To force him to live life as a female would be to cause him unnecessary harm." "No- no..." Mum gasps. "Furthermore," the arbiter continues, "to force Ian to leave his life in Cardiff would be causing undue stress to what is a delicate psyche. Transitions such as Ian's are not easy, either from a physical or an emotional standpoint. Ian has a well-developed 'comfort zone' here in Cardiff. He must remain here to maximise the chance of him living a happy, fulfilling life." "But- but her career," mum pleads. "All the money we spent, on dance lessons, on acting classes..." "Children develop new interests all the time and abandon them just as quickly," the arbiter says. "Ian's testimony shows that he never desired any of the activities you provided for him anyway, but he is deeply engrossed in the hobbies he has now." "NERD hobbies," mum futilely pleads. "And her career... She was going to be actress, a superstar..." "I never was," I mumble, speaking for the first time since the arbiter welcomed us to his office. Immediately, I grimace at the look of fury my voice- not to mention my whole look- brings to mum's face. In the seven months since I began testosterone injections, my body has changed a LOT. At first, the change was slow, but then it seemed like all of a sudden, a switch flipped inside my body and I went from 'all- out girl' to 'all-out boy'. All the muscles on my body- on my legs, my arms and even my neck- are firmer and more defined. My whole body is beginning to sprout fine, light hairs- especially my face. The wispy hairs I had on my chin at Christmas were soon joined by whiskers on my cheeks and hairs on my top lip- hairs I had to shave off for today's meeting, of course, but I'm assured they will grow back soon, and thicker than before. I'm even growing sideburns. Mentally, testosterone has given me the confidence I never had when I was a girl. 'Kayleigh-Ann' would never have dared to speak to mum the way I just did- especially not in the deeper, more Welsh-sounding pitch I've adopted as my 'true' speaking voice. In my smart trousers, crisp white shirt, tie, black socks and polished black lace-up shoes, I am quite the handsome young man. The girl behind the reception desk of the office block I entered today certainly thought so- it's just a pity that there are at least two people in the world who stubbornly refuse to see me for who I truly am... "So that's that, then?" Mum spits. "Our daughter is dead." "Your SON is very much alive!" Grandma growls. "And anytime you want to accept HIM as the MAN HE is, you're welcome to do so. Aren't they, Ian?" "...As long as you say my name," I say defiantly. "My TRUE name." "Unless there's anything else, I think we're done here," the arbiter says, packing away his files. "Mrs. Walker, Mr. Walker, countless people every day take steps to change their gender. This is usually because they are emotionally and/or physically incapable of living in the gender they were assigned at birth. Ian's decision is not sudden, and from what I can tell, it is not born out of rebellion against your parenting, but out of genuine emotional anguish at living live as a woman. The fact that Ian had contemplated taking his own life should be evidence enough of this." I do feel a small sense of victory as this last sentence causes mum to avert her gaze. "Thank you for your time today," Grandma says as she and I stand up and shake the arbiter's hand. "You're very welcome, Mrs. Jones, Ian," the arbiter replies. "I hope you enjoy the rest of the Easter holiday!" "I intend to," I laugh nervously. "When he's not finishing his coursework, anyway!" Grandma says, making me sigh as we leave the small office. However, we're immediately followed by my parents, and the looks of disappointment on both of their faces is palpable. "You could have been so much," mum spits at me, and for a moment, it looks as though she's about to raise her hand to her forehead to signify that she's having another bout of 'depression', but a stern look from Grandma quickly prevents this. "HE still can," grandma growls. "All the money we wasted on you growing up," mum whispers. "Your friend Abbey-Gayle is now a superstar, Kayleigh-Ann. That could have been you. That SHOULD have been you. But no, you're too selfish to know what's best for you. You just want to play your silly nerd games with your silly nerd friends. How pathetic." "Worshipping fake, plastic people like the Angels is what's really pathetic!" I retort, and despite grandma's glare, mum's hand finds its way to her forehead and she lets out a low moan of pain. "Craig..." Mum moans. "Take me home..." "Of course," dad says, gingerly leading my 'unwell' mother toward the exit, before turning and looking me straight in the eye. "If we end up splitting up again, it'll be your fault." "Get out of my sight!" Grandma growls in a voice that even makes me shrivel. Once my 'parents' have left the corridor we're on, I let out a long sigh of relief, which quickly turns into an exasperated laugh at the ridiculousness of my situation. "You know," I say, "he once yelled at me for crying too loud and disturbing mum when she was quote-unquote depressed." "That 'man' doesn't deserve to call himself a man, much less a father," grandma spits as we head back to her car. "I don't know why they got back together after splitting up at Christmas..." "If I had to guess, it was 'thanks' to the fire-breathing lizard who gave birth to him," I spit, before grimacing as grandma chastises me with a whack on my arm. "That's no way to speak about your grandmother," grandma says firmly. "Not that she deserves to call herself a grandmother any more than that man deserves to call himself a father." "She actually wished me dead," I retort. "Blood relative or not, I'm never going to feel anything other than hatred for her." "...That's your right, I suppose," grandma says as we get in her car, and I grimace as I realise what I just said. "I- of course, I'll only ever love you," I babble. "For everything you've done for me-" "Thank you, Ian," grandma says with a smile. "What do you have planned for the rest of the day?" "Going to do some coursework," I say, making grandma chuckle. "Then gym this evening. Need to build up my muscles, you know..." "Ah, of course," grandma chuckles. "Good job we didn't tell your parents that you get punched in the face every week!" "I only punch bags," I laugh. "Nothing that punches back, heh." "Well either way," grandma says, "it's a far cry from what you used to do on Tuesday evenings!" "That's for sure," I laugh as I remember back to when Tuesday evenings used to mean wrapping my body in an itchy pair of tights and a sweaty black leotard and dancing on my toes, sometimes until they bled. That's not to say that there isn't any bleeding in my current hobby, of course- I've scraped my knuckles plenty of times despite taping them up- but I would gladly take a hundred boxing sessions over a single minute of a ballet lesson any day of the week. ...Fortunately, though, coaching sessions come individually rather than in hundreds, so after working hard on my college coursework and eating a filling, meaty dinner (another thing my 'parents' will no doubt object to), I head up to my bedroom to change into a pair of loose black shorts and a pair of black trainers. After lacing up my trainers, I pause before picking out which shirt I want today. For my birthday in December, I was given two t-shirts (of a kind), both of which are red, and both of which I have worn so much in the last three months I've practically worn them out. This is because one bears the logo of the Welsh national football team, whilst the other bears the logo of Arsenal Football Club. Naturally, I plump for the Arsenal shirt, especially as Mr. Wright (my coach) is an Arsenal fan, and inevitably, my shirt gets me my obligatory high-five from Neil and my equally obligatory boos from Rob and Lee as I climb into Rob's father's car. "Just because you can't handle a proper football team," I snort, making Neil laugh as Rob and Lee's boos intensify. "Proper football teams actually win things sometimes," Lee retorts, making me snort with laughter. "How'd it go today, Ian?" Rob asks, immediately darkening my mood. "It was your big meeting with the arbiter today, wasn't it? I'm guessing as you're sat in the car with us, it went-" "Every time I see my parents, I just want to punch something," I moan, interrupting Rob before my anger boils over at the memory of my parents today. "...O-kay then," Lee says, breaking the awkward silence I caused. "You're definitely going to the right place, then!" "Ugh, sorry," I moan. "Sorry, Mr. Goddard, I just- ugh. Even THINKING about my so-called parents frustrates me." "It's okay, Ian," Rob's father says in his calm teacher's voice. "If I experienced even a tenth of what you've gone through, I'd be frustrated all the time too. Just- make sure you take it out on the bags, okay?" "Can do," I say with a tired laugh as we head toward the city centre gym that will hopefully help to eliminate my stress. However, as I take out my frustrations on Mr. Wright's bags, I can't help but visualise my parents' faces being in front of every punch I throw. When they'd called and asked for an independent arbiter to look into things, I'd initially been pleased- I took it as a sign that mum and dad wanted to talk again, they wanted to communicate... I soon realised that the only thing they wanted to 'communicate' was their disappointment in me and their desire to have me give up my life as Ian and go back to being 'Kayleigh-Ann', no matter how miserable it would make me. They honestly believed that the arbiter would side with them and somehow find a way to legally force me to return to my old life. No, my parents aren't interested in communicating, or at the very least, they aren't interested in a dialogue- all they want is to be told that they are unquestionably in the right, and for me to just give in and accept my fate... "Gah!" I yell as I hit the bag with the hardest left hook I can muster up, startling the other exercisers around me. "Whoa, Ian," Mr. Wright says, gently easing me away from the heavily- abused bag. "You okay?" "I'm fine," I reply as I take several deep breaths. "...Okay, maybe I'm not." "I heard that it was your thing with your parents today," Mr. Wright says in a soft, sympathetic voice. "Didn't go well, then?" "Couldn't have gone better, actually," I reply. "The arbiter was 100% in my favour. But my parents... Ugh. 'We promise to abide by the decision as long as it's the right one'. That's what they- well, they didn't say it, but that's definitely what they were thinking." "Well- no offence, Ian, but what WERE you expecting?" Mr. Wright asks. "From what I heard, Christmas went even worse." "I was expecting them to have at least tried to see things from my perspective," I moan. "You were expecting them to admit defeat?" Mr. Wright argues, before stepping back as I involuntarily shoot him an angry glare. "Just playing devil's advocate, I don't mean anything by it... I couldn't even begin to imagine what you're going through, or what you went through, living life as the wrong gender. Then again, I couldn't imagine what it'd be like if one of my children suddenly came home and told me they were transgendered." "There was nothing sud-" I retort, before the older man cuts me off. "'Nothing sudden about it', yes, I know," Mr. Wright interrupts. "And from your perspective, granted, it wasn't sudden. But your parents spent seventeen years thinking they were raising a daughter, and had no reason to believe otherwise." "There WERE clues," I mumble. "My hair..." "When he was fifteen Neil had hair down to his shoulders," Mr. Wright shrugs. "When he was thirteen he stopped supporting Cardiff and started supporting Arsenal. Kids rebel all the time." "...I am NOT apologising for being who I am," I state firmly. "I will NOT compromise my- my anything for them!" "And you shouldn't have to," Mr. Wright says as he sets up another punching bag for me. "Ian, you know I'm always going to be 100% on your side. I've said I couldn't imagine what it'd be like to have a child who was transgendered. But I know I'd still give them all the love and support in the world, because that's what parents are supposed to do." "And children are supposed to unconditionally obey their parents?" I ask. "...Maybe when they're six," Mr. Wright laughs. "But seventeen? You're all but an adult, your own person. So you're not going to be an actor, or a model. I always thought Neil was going to be a rugby player. Instead, he's a computer programmer. And if he enjoys it and is good at it, then I couldn't be happier." "And if he ever decides to pull on a dress?" I ask, catching the middle- aged man off guard. "...Then he'll still be my so- still be my child, and I'll still love and support him unconditionally," Mr. Wright says. "Don't give up on your parents, Ian. You're still their child, and that's a bond that's impossible to break. I'm sure they still love you. But they need to learn to love you unconditionally." "I'm not holding my breath," I growl as I resume my punches. "Just don't lose ALL hope," Mr. Wright advises. I suppose Mr. Wright isn't ENTIRELY wrong. In all the arguments we've had since I came out, mum seems much more upset that I've chosen a career away from showbusiness, than my choice to live life as a man. I'd be willing to be that if I became a male model, or a male actor, she'd immediately forget any objections she has about my life. Even if the only acting job I got was on a 'nerd show' like Doctor Who. After the boxing practice ends (and I feel my muscles grow just a tiny bit bigger), Mr. Goddard drives all of us back to our respective homes, where I opt for an early night. As I change from my workout clothes into my pyjamas, though, I can't help but sigh as I catch a glimpse of my naked body in my wardrobe mirror. My arms may be muscular and my legs hairy, but my waist is still narrower than my hips, my chest is still 'adorned' with two very unwelcome shapes and there is a distinct lack of 'shape' between my legs, reminding me that I never truly belonged in 'girl world'... But I'll never truly belong in 'boy world', no matter how much testosterone I have injected into me, or how short I cut my hair, or how large my muscles grow. Or even if I undergo any surgeries... "Ugh," I spit as I stare into the wide, cartoonish eyes of my favourite stuffed giraffe. "...No, Melman, you get to keep your leg unbitten today. Though it was a damned close thing." After pulling on the loose vest and shorts that make up my sleepwear, I climb into bed, but I give my phone a final check before switching out the light- and I'm glad I did, as the single notification on the screen brings a genuine smile to my face for the first time today. 'Hey, hope it went well today x' the message reads, though what makes me smile isn't the content of the message, but the name of the sender- 'Ella Henry'. 'Not great,' I reply with a frowning emoji. 'In bed now, talk tomorrow.' I smile again as I toss my phone back on my nightstand, before switching off my lamp and trying to get to sleep. My parents might suck, but I at least have some family who love me- and I have a group of great friends, both male and female, both here and in London, who'll support me and give me the love I need. ...'Love' that comes in many shapes and sizes, as I'm reminded the following morning when I arrive at Rob's house for our traditional Wednesday gaming session. As it's the school holidays, Rob has promised something considerably more 'epic' than the usual 2 vs 2 battles we have, and as I walk into his game room, I see that he's kept his promise. "Hi Ian," Rob says as he and Simon (his 14 year old brother) set up the tiny starships on his vast gaming table. "Hope you're feeling better today." "Much better to be here," I laugh as I set my own case of model starships down on the table and begin unpacking, but before I do so, I take a quick glance around the room. Rob's father is the head teacher of a local secondary school, whilst his mother is a lecturer at Cardiff University, and as such, they have a LOT of disposable income. And as they- like Rob and Simon- are huge nerds, a lot of it gets spent on what my mum would immediately dismiss as 'nerd stuff'. An entire wall of this room is filled with videogames, some of them over twice my age, while DVD box sets and science-fiction books (both novels and reference books) cover half of another wall, and the other wall is filled with volumes of comic books. But it's the board games and miniatures that take pride of place in the room. Some of the larger, more intricately-painted miniatures are even displayed in upright glass cabinets that you usually find in a jewellers, or maybe even a museum. There are even displays of older toys, such as Transformers and some vast, complicated Lego sets. My mother would probably catch fire the instant she set foot in this room, and the knowledge that her 'future superstar' was spending time in this room would probably cause the same reaction. And yet, I feel more at ease in this room than I ever did somewhere like Miss Fullerton's ballet class... Or even in my old London home. One thing's for certain- I'm much more welcomed in this house than I ever was in that 'home'. "You got your ships?" Simon asks me. "Three of them," I sigh. "This is one hell of an expensive hobby, heh." "Yeah... Sorry about that," Rob grimaces. "Still, it could be worse..." An excited laugh escapes my mouth as Rob heads to one of the room's display cabinets and withdraws two painted, textured cubes, each one roughly the size of a football. "Money is irrelevant," Simon says in a monotone chant. "Resistance is futile." I smirk as Simon and his brother begin sorting through the upgrade cards they plan to field alongside their cubes, before reaching into my case for a handwritten note I'd prepared for just this occasion. "Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam!" I retort, earning laughs from the two brothers, and from Neil and Lee, who have just arrived bearing cases of their own. "I'm guessing you didn't mention to your mum yesterday that you've been binge-watching Star Trek on Netflix," Lee says, making me laugh again. "And your pronunciation was a little off." "Dyslexia sucks when you're reading English, let alone Klingon," I reply. "And it didn't come up. I'm saving that for when I need to give her a heart attack." "And I thought the online arguments about Discovery were volatile," Neil laughs. "You sure you're okay today, Ian? Dad mentioned yesterday that you-" "I'm fine, honestly," I say, though I instantly grimace at the unintended hostility in my voice. "Whoa, Ian," Neil says, "save the 'Klingon temper' for the Borg, okay?" "Sorry," I sigh, "Just a bit stressed about this whole 'parents' thing, that's all." "Think we all would be," Rob says quietly as he continues to set up his cubes. "Mate, we're not counsellors or anything-" "And don't want to be," Lee interrupts, earning snorts of laughter from everyone. "Don't you have a counsellor, anyway?" Neil asks. "Yeah," I sigh. "I saw her on Monday, she gave me a few coping techniques... Didn't work. Just the sight of my parents' faces makes me want to scream." "Well like I said," Neil says, "save that aggression for the Borg. Or the bags, every Tuesday." "Or the bog, if you're stomach's upset," Simon says, leading to an awkward silence. "What? I thought it was funny..." "What I was trying to say," Rob says firmly, "is that we're not good at the whole 'emotion' thing. But anytime you want a gaming session, or a trip down the gym to take your mind off of things, just yell, we'll be here, right guys?" "Yeah, like we need an excuse for a session!" Lee laughs. "Seriously though Ian, Rob IS right." "Unfortunately, Lee's also right," Neil says, laughing as Lee flicks a card at his face. "Anytime you need to talk... You're better off finding someone else. Didn't you say you had a girlfriend- well, not 'girlfriend' girlfriend, but girl who is a friend, friend who is a girl, that sort of thing?" "Yeah," Lee concurs. "That Australian girl, right? The one who looks like a supermodel?" I try not to laugh as Simon's head immediately jerks upward at the mention of the word 'supermodel'. Simon's brother, however, isn't so kind. "Just as long as your head's the only thing that 'rises'," Rob teases his brother, who rolls his eyes in response. "And I thought I was having trouble adjusting to testosterone," I quip, knowing the guys well enough to know that the joke will go over well. "Shut up," Simon mumbles as I check my phone to see if Ella has contacted me since last night- and much to my delight, there's one unread Facebook message waiting for me. 'Free all day when you want a chat,' the message- which is, of course, from Ella- reads, bringing a smile to my face. "You sure that Australian girl ISN'T your girlfriend?" Neil teases. "To be fair I'd be grinning like an idiot too if a six foot tall blonde underwear model sent me Facebook messages too." "You'd be grinning like an idiot if ANY woman sent you a Facebook message," I retort, earning a fist bump from Lee as we continue to setup our fleets ahead of the game. With the game being as epic in scope as it is, it takes us the entire morning and most of the afternoon to complete (though gratifyingly, it's mine, Neil and Lee's team that wins). The five of us get so engrossed in the game that we barely notice the time passing, and by the time we've sorted and packed away our equipment, it's almost 4pm. It's only as I'm putting my phone back in my pocket, ready for the journey home, that I remember I have an unanswered message waiting for me. "We are so doing that again," Lee laughs, while collecting all the soft drink cans we emptied today and placing them in a carrier bag. "That was so much easier to keep track of than the Dominion War match we had during half term." "Four ships each definitely seems to work, right Ian?" Neil asks, snapping me out of my 'trance'. "Hmm?" I ask. "Umm, yeah, definitely, especially now I've got the Negh'Var." "...Lost in thought?" Neil teases. "We don't need to ask why, do we?" "We don't need to ask 'who', either," Simon laughs, no doubt glad to repay one of my earlier digs. "Shut up," I mumble. "To be honest I'd forgotten she'd even sent me a message." "Well, we'd better not keep you," Rob laughs as he leads me, Neil and Lee out to the latter's mother's car. "Let us know what it's like 'down under'!" "Close your mouth and stop talking," I retort, making Rob and Simon laugh as I wave them goodbye. "Eh, you know we're just having a bit of fun," Neil laughs as we head home. "It's just a thing guys do, give each other a hard time about girls." "Not that Neil would know anything about that," Lee says with a snort of laughter. "My point proved," Neil says. "And as we said before, we're all just a tiny bit jealous that you've got a seriously hot, tall blonde on the other end of that phone." "Even though she's-" I begin. "Even though she's NOT your girlfriend, yes," Neil interrupts, finishing my sentence for me. "You know," I muse, "it's not all THAT different when it comes to a group of girls. I've told about the fake boyfriend I used to- well, not 'have'. 'Use', maybe?" "What, the guy with glasses?" Lee asks. "That's him," I nod. "And I used to hang out with this 'clique' of other- no, not 'other', this clique of GIRLS, Ella being one of them. I got a LOT of- well, let's call it what it is, a lot of abuse from them about my choice of man. The only difference is, they WEREN'T joking." "Yeah, I remember being a teenaged girl all too well," Lee's mother sighs. "Trust me- you're much better off away from THAT." "Thanks, Mrs. Charlton," I reply. "Ironic thing is, the one who badmouthed Ollie the most was his own sister." "Yeah, moaning about other girls is something else you're better off away from," Neil says, making me sigh and roll my eyes. "Point taken," I concede. "...Got a good amount of cans today," Lee says, breaking the awkward silence in the car. "Why ARE you collecting cans, anyway?" I ask. "Just recycling or something?" "Nah, I only want aluminium cans," Lee explains. "All will be revealed, honest." "If you say so," I shrug as the car trundles toward our respective homes. After filling grandma in on the day's activities and eating a delicious, filling dinner of pork chops in gravy, I head up to my bedroom on the promise of doing more coursework, but the second I close the door, I grab my tablet computer and log into Facebook, grinning when I see that the person I want to talk to isn't just online, but already typing me a message. 'Hey Ian!' Ella types before I even have the chance to start typing. 'Hi Ella!' I type. 'Hope you had a better day today than yesterday x,' Ella types. 'Don't know how it could've been worse,' I reply, earning a 'hugging' emoji from Ella. 'Well it must have been better 'cause of how late you've logged into Facebook!' Ella types, making me groan as a wave of guilt washes over my body. 'Sorry,' I type. 'I know I said 'talk tomorrow', I kinda got caught up in things. My bad.' 'S'okay,' Ella replies. 'Fun things, I hope?' 'Depends on whether or not you think playing with miniature Star Trek ships is fun,' I type, laughing as Ella replies with a 'rolling eyes' emoji. 'Wouldn't be my idea of fun,' the tall blonde girl types. 'But if you like it, then it's cool, I guess.' 'It's supremely UNcool,' I retort. 'That's why I like it so much!' 'Lol,' Ella types with a 'sticking out tongue' emoji. 'Tbf I did like the new series that was on earlier in the year.' 'Discovery?' I type. 'It was okay, I guess.' 'Obviously I'm not going to tell the other girls I watched it,' Ella types with a 'winking' emoji. 'You still hang out with the other girls, then?' I ask. 'Thought everyone went their separate ways after Abbey-Gayle joined the Angels?' 'We did for a bit,' Ella types. 'Think Brooke and Georgie resented me getting signed to Heavenly Talent too. But it's Abbey-Gayle's birthday on Friday, and she invited us all along to celebrate with her, so think we might be cool now.' 'Okay,' I type as I feel my brain instantly start to numb at the mention of the other girls' lives. 'It'll be a PROPER Angel party too,' Ella types, her excitement plain in her words. 'At Charlotte's house, costumes, the whole works.' 'Cool,' I type. 'Playboy Bunny costumes in case you're wondering,' Ella types with a 'grinning' emoji. 'Think it's 'cos it's Easter weekend. Already got mine sorted out!' 'Cool,' I type again, earning a 'neutral' emoji from Ella. 'I'm boring you, aren't I?' Ella types. 'No, not at all,' I reply, though I inwardly frown at the lie. 'Yes I am,' Ella types. 'It's okay, Ian, you don't need to pretend to be interested. You suffered through enough of that back when you were Kayleigh-Ann.' 'Suffer is the right word for it,' I type. 'I would honestly rather wear a noose than a Playboy Bunny costume.' 'Aww xx,' Ella types, followed by a 'frowning' and a 'hugging' emoji. 'If my parents had their way, they'd probably be my only choices, lol,' I type. 'It went THAT bad yesterday?' Ella asks with another 'hugging' emoji. 'Worse,' I reply. 'Mum still sees me as her property and dad's more useless than a chocolate teapot. Just thank god my other grandmother wasn't there.' 'That sucks,' Ella types with yet another 'hugging' emoji. 'Really wish I was there so I could give you these hugs in person.' 'Facebook hugs work just as well,' I type. 'I disagree,' Ella types. 'You know, when Abbey-Gayle invited us to her party, she really just invited me, but said 'bring along the rest of the gang'. Technical, you know...' 'Seriously?' I ask. 'After what I just said about Playboy Bunny costumes?' 'Well obviously YOU won't wear one, BOY!' Ella types with a 'sticking out tongue' emoji. 'There'll be other boys at the party, think they'll just be wearing smart shirts and trousers. It'll give you a chance to take your mind off things.' 'I dunno,' I type. 'It's not cheap getting the train from Cardiff to London. I doubt I'd be able to sell going to an adult, booze-filled party to Grandma, and I'd need somewhere to stay overnight...' 'NERD,' Ella types with another 'sticking out tongue' emoji. 'You can stay with me! And try looking for reasons TO come rather than reasons NOT to come. You'll get to see me again, for a start. You know the last time we saw each other was Spain last year?' 'It would be nice to see you again,' I type, earning a 'grinning' emoji from Ella. 'And you know Jamie-Lee Burke's fianc? is transgendered, right?' Ella asks. 'He'll be at the party too, you can talk to him about stuff. Have you ever actually spoken to another transgendered boy before?' 'No, actually,' I type. 'I sometimes get the chance to talk to other people at my counsellor's office but they're all girls, not boys.' 'Sounds like two good reasons to come to London, then!' Ella types. 'I can think of two very good reasons to stay away from London,' I type with a 'sad' emoji. 'Three, if you count my other grandma. And it'll be awkward catching up with Brooke and Georgie, neither of them have readded me- well, 'Ian' on Facebook.' 'They both had a hard time with the change,' Ella types with a 'frowning' emoji. 'Georgie especially had a hard time understanding how someone could want to change the way you did.' 'Georgie has a hard time understanding how to use a door handle,' I type. 'Lol true!' Ella replies with a 'laughing' emoji. 'Okay so maybe I can't force you to come to London. God knows I wouldn't be any better than your parents if I did. And I get that you want to start fresh. But if you come to London, I guarantee you'll have fun, I guarantee you won't have ANY contact with your parents, and I'll stay with you the whole time so you won't have OMGeorgie giving you brain damage!' 'Won't your boyfriend have something to say about that?' I ask with a 'stuck out tongue' emoji. 'Would if I had one,' Ella replies, surprising me- but even more surprising is her choice of a 'laughing' emoji to accompany her message. 'Got rid of him a couple of weeks ago.' 'You never said anything!' I type with a 'shocked' emoji. 'We weren't even serious,' Ella retorts. 'Didn't even change my Facebook status.' 'You were really excited about him at the start of the relationship, though,' I type as I suddenly find my heart beating faster. 'Meh, every start of a relationship is exciting,' Ella retorts. 'You'll find this when you FINALLY get yourself a cute girl!' 'Don't hold your breath,' I type, laughing as Ella replies with first a 'stuck out tongue' emoji, followed by a 'shy, giggling' one. 'So...' Ella types. 'Coming to London?' 'I'll talk to my grandma,' I type as I let out a long, loud sigh. 'Yay!' Ella replies with a 'cheering' emoji, followed by a 'hugging' one. 'It's going to be SO cool to see you again, I mean, I've seen the photos, but I can't wait to see your hunky boy's body in the flesh!' Okay, I think to myself. If she wasn't flirting with me before, she has GOT to be now... 'So all being well, see you Friday morning?' I type. 'Or even tomorrow, if you want,' Ella replies. 'Give us more time to catch up...' 'I'll ask grandma and get back to you,' I type, my hands involuntarily shaking with excitement. 'Don't keep me hanging on too long,' Ella types with a 'winking' emoji as I logout of Facebook and take several deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart. Ella HAD to have been flirting with me throughout that conversation. She HAD to have been. We've chatted before, and sure, she's always been 'familiar' with me because of how long we've been friends, but still, 'wanting to hug me in real life', 'wanting to see my hunky boy's body in the flesh'? Those aren't just 'friendly' words. Unless, of course, she's teasing me, just like the guys teased me earlier today... Why would a seriously sexy girl like Ella be interested in a slender, three inches shorter guy who spends a lot of his time watching Star Trek? Not to mention a guy who has boobs and a vagina? My counsellor has said that with increased testosterone level comes an increased sex drive, and I've often found myself getting 'distracted' by some of the more attractive girls at college... But no matter how vivid my imagination may get, consciously I know that those girls would never be interested in a slender, short guy who's a known nerd. Is Ella's flirting genuine, or just a figment of my testosterone-fuelled imagination? One thing's for certain, there's only one way to find out... "Hi, um, grandma, " I say nervously as I walk into the living room. "Umm, I- I need to-" "Whatever it is, just say it," grandma says without even looking up from her Kindle. "I've been a parent long enough to know what THAT tone of voice means." "I've, um, been invited to a friend's birthday party," I explain. No need to 'dump' it all on grandma at once, a bit at a time will do... "Oh," grandma says. "Well, it's hardly like you need my permission to go, I mean, you ARE seventeen... How old will this 'friend' be?" "...Nineteen, I think," I mumble. "I see," grandma says in a clipped voice. "Well, you're aware of the law about underage drinking, and you're aware that I expect you to follow them." "Yes, grandma," I mumble. "The, um, there's something else about the party, it's um, it's kinda... In London." "Oh," grandma says. "When is this party?" "Friday," I mumble. "...I trust you'd be going with other friends, and not just by yourself?" Grandma asks. "Oh- definitely," I say. "It's, um, it's Ella, the Australian girl I told you about. I mean, it's not HER birthday, but I'd be going with her-" "Well she does seem like a sensible young woman," grandma interrupts, and obviously I know better than to complain about being cut off. "And I suppose it IS your holiday, you've worked hard all year, you deserve a little break... But are you sure that you want to go all the way to London?" "...Not, 100%, no," I mumble. "That's what I thought," grandma says. "Ian... Like I said, you don't need my permission to go if this is what you really want. You ARE practically an adult, after all, and you can make your own decisions, I just don't want you making the wrong decisions." "And you think me going to London would be the wrong decision?" I ask. "It IS the city where your parents live," grandma says softly. "And about ten million other people," I retort. "Good point," grandma says. "Ian, you've been through a lot this week. Yes, it's your holiday, but you should relax for the next few weeks. The last thing you need right now is stress, and travelling to a big city on your own is my idea of stressful." "I did live there for a long time," I counter. "Ian," grandma sighs, sitting back in her chair. "If you want to go, you go. Your home will still be here when you come back. Just- just make sure you look after yourself, okay?" "I will, I promise," I say with a grin as grandma tuts, before letting out a soft chuckle. "I, um, I should go and pack." "Why?" Grandma asks. "I thought you said the party was on Friday?" "Yeah..." I grimace. "Ella kinda- kinda invited me to go down tomorrow, you know, to catch up..." "...This 'Ella' girl sounds like she's got you wrapped around her little finger!" Grandma laughs, her laughter increasing in volume as I roll my eyes. "It's not like THAT," I retort. "We- we're just friends, fancy chatting face to face instead of, you know, Facebook to Facebook for a change." "If you insist," Grandma laughs as I leave the room. "All I know is that she put that smile back on your face VERY quickly after yesterday." As I pack my small travel suitcase for the weekend, I'm forced to concede that grandma is, of course, correct. Yesterday, I was so stressed I felt like tearing down the punching bag I was using and instead beating a hole in the wall behind it. I wanted to forget that my parents, and by extension, everything about them- even the city they lived in- ever existed. Now, here I am packing a bag and preparing to travel to that city. Even though it's remote, there is a chance I may even see them, or worse yet, my other grandmother, during my stay. But I'm willing to risk that chance anyway. And all for a friend I barely even liked when we used to hang out together. Well, 'Kayleigh-Ann' barely liked Ella. 'Ian', on the other hand, likes her a lot. Ella's always been there for me, willing to listen to my stresses, to cheer me up when I'm down... In a way, she's an even better friend than the three guys I hang out with. Sure, we have less in common, but there's more to being friends than simply sharing hobbies and interests, right? Nonetheless, Rob, Neil and Lee are still my friends, so after I finish packing, I grab my phone (my tablet computer having already been packed, of course) and log onto Facebook, opening a new group chat with the three young men. 'Hi guys,' I hastily type. 'Just FYI I'm not going to be around for the next couple of days, am off to London for a bit. Should be back by Saturday.' 'Okay,' Rob almost immediately replies. 'Everything okay, Ian? I mean with your parents.' 'It's fine,' I reply. 'I'm not going to see them, I'm just meeting up with a friend.' Typical,' Lee types. 'Gets a better offer and immediately jumps on a train.' 'And we all know who the better offer was from, don't we?' Neil types, making me roll my eyes as the conversation briefly pauses. 'We're waiting,' Lee types. 'Okay, fine, I'm going to see Ella,' I type, earning grinning emojis from all three boys. 'I'm just going to catch up, that's all. It's one of our mutual friends' birthdays on Friday, I'll say hi, see how everyone is, I'll be back by Saturday, as I said.' 'Assuming you can tear yourself away from the Aussie hottie, anyway,' Neil types. 'Seriously, mate, well done! I'd probably move to London if she snapped her fingers at me.' 'Think we've already done THAT joke to death,' I type, earning 'lol's from both Rob and Lee. 'Seriously though, thanks for letting us know," Rob types. 'And have fun!' 'Will do,' I type with a smiling emoji. 'Would ask you to bring back a souvenir,' Lee types. 'But I'm not sure I'd be able to hide a pair of worn panties anywhere.' 'Oh fuck off,' I type, earning more 'lol's from Rob and Neil. 'G2g now. See you Saturday!' 'Enjoy,' Neil types with a 'sticking out tongue' emoji as I logout and snort at Lee's sexist attitude. He's always been by far the bluntest of the three guys, and thinks nothing of making those sort of jokes for shock value, but the way he spoke about Ella... Something about it got under my skin. Just because I've rejected womanhood doesn't mean I have to attack it, after all. Rather than dwell on Lee's poor attitude, I instead put it to the back of my mind and try not to let it bother me as I end the day doing some coursework before opting for an early night ahead of an early morning tomorrow. The following morning, grandma drops me off at Cardiff Central Station just after 8:10am, and I will confess to feeling some nerves as I get on the train. Obviously, this won't be the first time I've travelled on a train by myself- I made the reverse journey a year and a half ago- but it will be the first time 'Ian' will have travelled by himself, and the further away from Cardiff I get, the more isolated I feel as I realise that this will also be the first time 'Ian' has been separated from the people he knows and loves. The arbiter was right- I do have a nice, safe comfort zone in Cardiff, and the further away I get from it, the more anxious I feel, especially given what happened on Tuesday. By the time we arrive at Swindon station, it's all I can do not to jump off the train and get on one straight back to Wales... However, a quick glance in the train window reminds me that however much I love my 'comfort zone', it's time for me to literally man up. I can't lock myself away in my bedroom forever, it's good to try to break out of the comfort zone once in a while. To the untrained eye, I look just like a boy. No one's likely to 'clock' me, and even if they do, they're unlikely to care. And it's not like I'll be exploring London by myself, Ella will be there, as will many of my other friends... However, one of 'Kayleigh-Ann's friends was once kidnapped by her father and forced to live life as a boy. But Laura was twelve when that happened, physically she was very much a child, unable to do anything physically, whereas I'm seventeen, 5' 7", very physically fit and with several months of boxing training under my belt. If dad tries anything like Laura's father did, he'll be in for one HELL of a surprise. By the time the train pulls into Paddington station, my adrenaline is pumping so much that I almost hope that I do get into a fight, but as I step off the train, my nerves are soothed when I see a very tall, very blonde girl stood in the crowd. All of a sudden, my anxieties disappear, but the butterflies in my stomach remain, especially when Ella's eyes meet mine and a wide grin spreads across her face- and much to my surprise, a wide grin quickly spreads across my face as well as I see her walk toward me, her long, slender legs encased in shiny black tights poking out from underneath a short black skirt. The second I step off the train and away from the crowd, Ella rushes over to me and wraps me in a tight hug, giggling excitedly into my ear. "Welcome back to London, MISTER Freeman!" Ella squeaks as her hugs lift me off my feet (in addition to being taller to begin with, she's also wearing a casual pair of three inch heels that make her almost a head taller than me). "Thanks," I laugh as I try to wriggle out of Ella's tight squeeze. "It's good to be back- though you're kinda crushing my ribs!" "Oops!" Ella giggles as she puts me down, our 'embrace' having attracted a lot of attention from onlookers. "Sorry, Ian- I mean, you know, sorry, MATE! I'm just so stoked to see you again... It's been months. And you have REALLY changed, you know?" "Thanks," I laugh. "You've kinda changed too... Have you actually got taller since I last saw you?" "Nope, still 5' 10"," Ella shrugs. "But then again, I'm not the one taking 'stud' hormones, heh!" I giggle as Ella grabs my growing biceps, before sighing as it turns into yet another hug. "Ribs!" I protest as Ella lifts me up again. "Oh come on, I'm not squeezing THAT hard," Ella moans. "...It's kinda the things on top of the ribs that are uncomfortable," I mumble, making Ella grimace as she releases me. "Sorry..." Ella sighs as we climb into a waiting taxi. "It's just- you know, you have REALLY changed in the last seven months. I genuinely wouldn't have picked you for ever having been a girl." "Thanks!" I say with a giggle. "You know, you seem a lot more... Excitable since the last time I saw you." "Nah, I'm just happy to see you again," Ella sighs. "Though it's not like I want to jump into bed with you or anything, heh. It hasn't been the same since you- well, since 'Kayleigh-Ann' left." "Yeah," I mumble, feeling oddly disappointed at Ella not 'desiring' me. "Though you know- god, this will probably sound weird... I actually like you better as a friend for 'Ian' than I ever did for 'Kayleigh-Ann'. Umm, no offence, I just mean- you know-" "Yeah, I think I get what you mean," Ella says. "When you were Kayleigh- Ann, you, like, had an image to keep up, but now that you're Ian, you can be who you always wanted to be, right?" "Something like that," I shrug. "I don't have to pretend anymore, and because you've accepted me for who I really am... That sort of thing." "Well, I'm just glad that we ARE friends," Ella giggles, giving me another gentle hug. "Though I thought that boys WEREN'T supposed to talk about their feelings?" "Oh, whatever," I shrug. "I'm having my hormones scrambled, I need SOMEONE to talk to, and I only see my counsellor once a week. I think the rule only applies to two boys talking to each other about feelings, anyway. I'm allowed to talk to a girlfriend if I want. Umm, by which I mean, you know, not 'girlfriend' but 'friend who's a girl'-" "I get it, I get it," Ella whispers, leading to an awkward silence in the taxi. "So... Umm, where are we heading?" I ask. "My house first," Ella says. "Just to drop off your bags. Then I promised I'd take you round to see the other girls." "Oh- seriously?" I ask. "I missed you, but I didn't miss Brooke and I DEFINITELY didn't miss Georgie!" "I know," Ella sighs. "But they DID miss you, and when I told them that you were coming down to London for the weekend, they demanded to see you, and I couldn't say no-" "It's okay," I sigh. "My counsellor's actually said that it's good to, you know, 'confront the past' like that. Show the girls that 'Kayleigh- Ann' is gone for good, give them time to get to know and accept 'Ian', that sort of thing." "Yeah," Ella mused. "So we'll just drop off your case, then head round to Georgie's house, okay." "Yeah, I guess that-" I said, before my eyes suddenly go wide. "Wait, Georgie's house!?" "Yes..." Ella says, confused by my sudden panic. "It has to be at someone's house, and Georgie's IS the largest." "And everyone's off college because of the Easter holiday, right?" I ask as I take several deep breaths to try to calm myself down. "Yes..." Ella says. "Including Georgie's brother?" I ask in a small, feeble voice, inwardly shuddering at the thought of the boy I'd kissed many, many times before. "Oh my god!" Ella gasps as realisation dawns on her. "Ian, I am so, so sorry, I didn't think, I should've thought, I-" "It's okay," I whisper. "If I'm going to 'confront the past' I'll need to talk to him sooner or later. He WAS a big part of 'Ian's early life..." "If you're sure," Ella whispers. "I can always, you know, call Georgie, ask to rearrange, I'm sure she of all people would understand-" "Honestly, it's okay," I say. "Seriously. To tell you the truth, there's a part of me that wants to see him. Well, wants him to see me, anyway. How much I've done, how far I've come WITHOUT his help." "Atta- boy!" Ella cheers. "But only, ONLY if you're sure." "I'm sure," I say confidently. "And if the worst comes to the worst, I can always break out my boxing training, heh." Needless to say, though, I wasn't sure- far from it, in fact. After dropping my case at Ella's grandmother's house (and getting a look at the sofa that will be my bed for the next two nights) the two of us hop back into the taxi and head toward Georgie's large, middle-class house. Every time I came here in the past, I was always filled with an overwhelming sense of dread. I dreaded having to spend time with what I saw as four airheads, having to talk about topics that I thoroughly hated, having to behave in a way that made me want to tear my skin off in frustration. The only good thing about this house was Ollie... No, not Ollie. The only good thing about this house was Ian. And it was thanks to Ollie's selfish actions that Ian was taken away from me for so many months last year. Now, as I approach the house, I'm once again filled with a sense of dread- but for the exact opposite reason. I know I'll be spending time with the same women, but I won't have to pretend to be a woman myself. Most of the talk will inevitably be about my transition, so I won't have to feign interest when the girls talk about things like make-up or clothes- if anything, I'll actually be expected to be uninterested in these topics. So no, it?s not the girls I?m dreading- well, it?s not them I?m dreading the most anyway. Ollie and I haven?t spoken face to face in over a year, not since the Valentine?s ?date? that saw me spend the night in hospital. I have a million things I want to say to him... But I?m dreading what, if anything, he has to say to me. ?O! M! G!? Georgie squeaks as she opens her front door and looks me in the face, before excitedly flapping her hands like a penguin having a seizure. ?...Hi, Georgie,? I say, not knowing how to react to Georgie?s ?enthusiasm? (other than with a feeling of utter dread, of course). ?OMG your accent too!? Georgie squeaks. ?Is that, like, a boy?s accent?? ?It?s a Welsh boy?s accent,? I shrug. ?Can we come in?? Ella asks, leaning over my shoulder and making me feel short once again. ?Oh my god!? Georgie squeaks, before stepping aside and letting us into her house. ?Come in! Come in! Girls! They?re here!? I smile and wave as I enter the living room and see two young women sat on Georgie?s sofa. Unsurprisingly, Brooke is one of the girls, but much to my shock, the other one isn?t Abbey-Gayle, but Maisie Holland- the captain of my school?s cheerleading squad (of which I was, of course a member). ?WOW,? Maisie breathes as I sit down next to Ella on Georgie?s other sofa, whilst our host goes to get us some drinks. ?I mean- wow! You?d like, never be able to tell that you were ever a girl, Kay- Ahh, sorry, I mean ?Ian?... That?s going to take a LOT of getting used to.? ?Oh. My. God!? Brooke enthuses, standing in front of me with her jaw agape. ?You- you- you?re hot, Ian!? ?...I wouldn?t say ?hot?,? I mumble as I try not to blush. ?Well I would,? Brooke says with an excited giggle. ?God, you know- you know, I?ve actually seen you naked before? When we used to get changed together for ballet?? ?Don?t remind me,? I say with a snort of laughter. ?Seriously, Ian,? Brooke continues. ?You must have every girl in Wales lined up at your door!? ?I wish,? I say with a snort of laughter as I start to fidget, feeling uncomfortable about being the centre of attention. Then again, I?m not being treated any differently than any other attractive young man unfortunate enough to catch the attention our little ?group?... When it was me, Brooke, Georgie, Ella and Abbey-Gayle, we?d regularly go out to cafes or smoothie bars, where any young man we deemed attractive- whether they were waiting staff or just another customer- would suddenly find themselves being oozed over by five attractive young women. One?s things for certain, though- in these circumstances, it?s much better to be oozed over than to be doing the oozing! ?Tell them about your boxing practice, Ian!? Ella says, making me chuckle nervously. ?Oh my god!? Maisie squeaks. ?You?ve seriously gone from ballet and cheerleading to BOXING!?? ?I?ve... Kinda made some new friends in Cardiff,? I explain. ?Boy- boys, a bunch of guys I hang out with. Usually on Tuesdays they go swimming, obviously I can?t really do that yet ?cause I can?t go topless in the pool and I?m not wearing a bikini top or a one-piece swimsuit, so, umm, one of them, their dad is a boxing coach and he?s been training me whilst they go swimming.? ?That is SO cool,? Maisie whispers. ?Have you, you know, been in any fights yet?? ?No, HELL no,? I giggle. ?Just a way to, you know, work out a little frustration...? ?I bet,? Brooke says with a laugh. ?You know... We HAVE missed you. Well, we?ve missed Kayleigh-Ann, anyway. Umm, no offence...? ?None taken,? I say with a smile. ?I think I know what you mean. It?s not ?Ian? or ?Kayleigh-Ann? you?ve missed, it?s just, you know, me? Or does that make me sound a bit egotistical?? ?Just a little,? Maisie teases, sticking her tongue out at me. ?Though with you gone, I did take your ?spot?...? ?Maisie is COOL,? Brooke says, making the other girl blush. ?SUPER cool!? Georgie giggles as she returns from the kitchen with a tray of soft drinks. ?Like, OMG, Kay- Kay-? ?Ian,? I say, trying to stifle a sigh. ?Ian!? Georgie giggles. ?Maisie is just, like, SO cool!? ?Aww,? Maisie coos, clearly happy that the centre of attention has shifted from me to her- though just like when we were at school, I have no problem with Maisie hogging the limelight. ?Why didn?t you tell us about her earlier, Kayleigh-Ann?? Georgie asks, making me bristle. ?We could, like, have been, you know, six girls, or something like that?? ?HIS name isn?t Kayleigh-Ann,? Ella says in a soft, but firm voice. ?And he is NOT a girl.? My heart begins to flutter as I hear the words I?ve said to myself on so many occasions... Though this is the first time I?ve heard them coming from someone else?s mouth, and the feeling that generates inside my chest is simply indescribable. ?OMG I am so sorry!? Georgie squeaks, flapping her hands in a state of near-panic. ?Oh my god oh my god oh my god-? ?It?s fine,? I say, trying my best to sound sympathetic. ?I know you didn?t do it deliberately.? ?Oh my god oh my god,? Georgie squeaks, taking several deep breaths to calm herself down. ?Georgie, try to calm down!? Brooke laughs. ?You?re not the first person to make this mistake, is she, Ian?? ?Umm, nope,? I say as I muse on how much more mature Brooke seems to be since I last saw her. Georgie, of course, doesn?t seem to have matured at all, as proved when she takes the opportunity to start babbling on about another time she ?embarrassed? herself by saying the wrong thing, followed by another, and another... And as this is Georgie we?re talking about, she probably has enough anecdotes to fill the rest of the afternoon. Part of me feels slightly aggrieved that the topic of my transition is now firmly off the table- the girls having obviously learned all they want to about it- though as before, I am on the whole happy to no longer be in the limelight. I even start to relax a little as I- like any typical boy- pretend to listen to what the girls are talking about, though my relaxation comes to an abrupt end when Georgie?s living room door opens and I find myself staring straight into the bespectacled eyes of the boy who was ?Ian?s only friend for a very long time. ?Ollie,? I whisper despite myself as the colour drains from the young man?s face. ?Umm... Hi...? ?Eww, get lost, NERD!? Georgie spits at her older brother. ?This is GIRL TALK only!? I bite my lip as Georgie once again forgets that not everyone sat on her sofa is female- though as before, I?m sure that her slip-up is down to pure ignorance, rather than any malice on her part. ?Umm... Georgie...? Brooke mumbles, breaking the awkward silence that has fallen over the room, and despite myself, I roll my eyes as Georgie gasps and has another near-panic attack. ?OMG OMG I?m so sorry!? Georgie squeaks. ?It?s fine,? I say, trying (and failing) to sound sympathetic. ?Umm... Hi, Ollie.? ?Hi... Ian,? Ollie replies. ?I, um, thought you lived in Cardiff now?? ?I do,? I say. ?I?m just back for a couple of days to, um, catch up...? ?I think we?d better give the BOYS some space!? Ella says, and before I can protest, she, Brooke, Georgie and Maisie leave the room, leaving me sat staring nervously at my ?ex-boyfriend?. ?So, umm, hi,? I mumble. ?Hi,? Ollie mumbles, sitting down opposite me. ?So, umm, you?ve- you?re, umm, really, you know-? ?Transitioning?? I interrupt. ?Yep. Started taking testosterone treatments this September just gone.? ?Oh, okay,? Ollie mumbles. ?Turns out you weren?t my best chance of ever becoming Ian,? I say, barely disguising the anger in my voice. ?Turns out that that was me all along.? ?Yeah,? Ollie grimaces. ?Ian, I- I?m sorry, okay? Sorry for the way I acted...? ?That was over a year ago,? I say. ?Water under the bridge. Everything turned out alright in the end.? ?You know,? Ollie sighs, ?I- I thought I loved you there. I could have loved you.? ?No,? I say firmly. ?You thought you loved Kayleigh-Ann. And that person never existed.? ?I realise that now,? Ollie sighs. ?So...? I say hesitantly. ?You- are you, you know, seeing anyone?? ?Umm, nope,? Ollie says. ?Haven?t seen anyone since we, umm, you know...? ?...Me either,? I mumble. ?Skinny nerds who wear glasses don?t really attract girls,? Ollie says with a snort of laughter. ?Try being a transsexual nerd,? I snort. ?Not sure which is less of a turn-off to girls, heh.? ?So, um, you?re definitely, you know...? Ollie mumbles. ?Heterosexual?? I ask. ?Yes. I tried not to think about sex, but the testosterone kinda kicks your sex drive into, well, sex OVERdrive. Problem is, I find actually hanging out with girls as irritating as I did back when I was Kayleigh-Ann, and I doubt any girls would enjoy spending an evening playing videogames or board games...? ?Meh, I still live in hope,? Ollie shrugs. ?So, umm, you- you got a console of your own now?? ?Got a PS4 with Christmas and birthday money,? I say. ?Got a regular Overwatch night with my friends in Cardiff.? ?Cool,? Ollie mumbles. ?So, umm, you- you want to, you know, get some gaming in now? Or would you rather hang out with Georgie and-? ?Sounds great,? I say with a grin, before following Ollie up to his room. As I step into the small, cramped room, I?m filled with a wave of nostalgia- despite my protests of independence, it was in here that ?Ian? was truly born. This, however, will be the first time I will have stepped into (and, of course, left) this room in ?boy mode?. The nostalgia is so great that I almost have to remind myself that for the last several months, ?boy mode? is the only ?mode? I have anymore. Fortunately, the gaming session helps to settle any remaining stress that I might have, just like it did in the old days. By the time we call it a day, I even have a smile on my face, and as Ollie leads me back downstairs, I turn to face the bespectacled young man. ?Thank you,? I whisper. ?S?okay,? Ollie shrugs. ?Always better to play with someone else than by your-? ?I mean, for everything,? I sigh. ?You did give ?Ian? the jumpstart he needed. And despite what happened last February, everything did turn out for the best. In the end.? ?...You?re welcome,? Ollie mumbles, clearly still ashamed of his actions last Valentine?s Day. ?And yes, I do forgive you for that,? I sigh, extending my hand. ?Friends?? ?Friends,? Ollie says with a tired chuckle, shaking my hand before leading me into the living room where the other girls- including Abbey- Gayle, who must have arrived whilst I was gaming- are sat gossiping. ?Typical BOY,? Ella teases. ?Would rather play HIS silly little games than spend time with five gorgeous women...? ?...Sorry,? I mumble, barely suppressing a giggle. ?Umm, hi, Abbey- Gayle.? ?Hey, Ian!? the dark-skinned girl says, jumping out of her seat to greet me with a tight hug. ?God, the girls weren?t kidding, you look HAWT!? ?Thanks,? I laugh nervously as Abbey-Gayle gives my bicep a tight squeeze. ?Mmm,? Abbey-Gayle giggles. ?If I weren?t going out with the son of a millionaire, I might just be tempted, hehe!? ?Thanks,? I laugh again. ?Umm, congratulations, I, um, I mean for tomorrow. And your promotion...? ?Thanks!? Abbey-Gayle squeaks excitedly as she finally lets me sit down next to Ella, who briefly startles me by wrapping an arm around my slim waist. ?I take it you?re coming tomorrow night, yeah? My first proper ?Angel party?...? ?Sure,? I say. ?Obviously I won?t be, you know, in costume...? ?Eww,? Abbey-Gayle spits with a giggle. ?Who wants to see a BOY dressed as a bunny anyway?? ?I dunno,? I say. ?There?ll be some people who say that I?ll always be a girl, no matter what I wear...? ?Well those people are thick, ain?t they?? Abbey-Gayle snorts. ?It don?t matter what you got between your legs, you wanna be a girl, you should be a girl, you wanna be a boy, you should be a boy, yeah?? ?Yeah!? The other girls cheer, bringing a warm feeling to my chest. ?Thanks, thank you all,? I laugh. ?Just wish we? known about Ian ?bit earlier,? Abbey-Gayle giggles. ?Could all be Angels now!? ?Yeah... Don?t think I fit the whole ?Angel mould?,? I say, making Abbey-Gayle roar with laughter. ?You don?t got to be a girl to be an Angel!? The Jamaican girl laughs. ?There?ll be boys there. Reckon Stuart especially will wanna talk to you, heh!? ?Yeah, I kinda want to talk to him too,? I say with a grin. ?Aww,? Abbey-Gayle says with a mock pout. ?Here I was thinking that you came to see me...? ?I?m here to see everyone,? I say with a chuckle. ?I know I left London in kind of a rush. And then I kinda lied to everyone for months...? ?THAT we can forgive, now we know why,? Brooke says, making me smile. ?And like Abbey-Gayle says, you don?t need to be a girl to be an Angel, you don?t need to be a girl to be our friend either!? ?Thanks,? I say with a wide grin. ?We?re all heading out in a bit,? Abbey-Gayle announces. ?Heading out to dinner, my treat. You can come if you want, Ian, the rest of us are bringing our boyfriends along.? ?Those of us who have boyfriends, anyway,? Ella sighs in an overdramatic voice, before letting out a playful giggle. ?You two will just have to go together, then!? Abbey-Gayle teases as she points to Ella and myself. ?Though you ain?t wearing a football shirt to the restaurant, dress up a bit, yeah?? ?Yes, ma?am!? I retort, making Abbey-Gayle giggle. ?What time?s your reservation?? ?Duh,? Abbey-Gayle snorts. ?I?m an Angel now. Don?t need no reservation!? ?Even for, what, ten of us?? I ask. ?Trust me, you?ll see,? Brooke giggles. ?So what time we meeting up, seven?? ?Yeah, seven works for me,? Abbey-Gayle says. ?Gives us enough time to get ready.? ?Not that that will take me more than ten minutes,? I say, sitting back with a smug grin that only gets wider when Ella hits me in the face with one of the sofa?s cushions. ?I?ve got the Angelmobile outside so I?ll give yous all a lift home,? Abbey-Gayle says, and just as soon as I?d returned to the living room, I?m ushered out again. After a quick taxi ride (during which I try not to feel embarrassed at being sat in the back of a bubblegum pink car), I find myself sat in Ella?s bedroom, trying not to stare too intently as the tall girl strips down to her underwear before sitting at her dressing table and enhancing her make-up. ?Umm... You don?t fancy any privacy, then?? I ask. ?You heard what Brooke said,? Ella retorts. ?It?s nothing you?ve not seen before.? ?If you insist,? I shrug. ?I see Abbey-Gayle?s as bossy as ever...? ?Eh,? Ella shrugs. ?She gets us into the best clubs and the best restaurants, she can be as bossy as she wants.? ?So she hasn?t forgotten about you after all, then?? I ask. ?Since becoming an Angel?? ?She just took some time to settle in with the new group, that?s all,? Ella says. Yes, of course she did, I think to myself. It wasn?t the case that she suddenly became a small fish in a big pond and missed being the boss... ?Fair enough,? I say. ?You disappeared for a LONG time with Ollie,? Ella says. ?Kinda got worried there for a second, but then I remembered that if you and Ollie DID get into a fight...? ?No, no fighting,? I say. ?No- w