"Free at last," Lee says with a snort of laughter as I meet up with him,
Rob and Neil at the end of another long week of college. "You got much
work to do this weekend on your course?"
"Umm, not much," I shrug. "Been getting a good head start the last few
weeks."
"Smart man," Rob says with a chuckle.
"Just had plenty of free time lately," I shrug, leading to an awkward
silence as all of my friends know exactly why I've had so much free time
lately.
It's been just over two months since I attended the football match hosted
by Heavenly Talent in London, and that date was also the last time I have
set foot in the nation's capital.
Immediately after I returned from London, I fell into a funk, drowning my
sorrows in junk food and videogames for a whole week. I didn't shower, I
hardly changed my clothes, I barely spoke to my friends (in London or
Cardiff) and I slept for at least fourteen hours each day (apart from
days I was at work). Grandma, obviously, had a few things to say about
this, but I wouldn't be deterred, even- no, especially when my weight
increased by half a stone and my face broke out in spots. I'd probably
still be in my funk today, if it wasn't for one remark, one simple
sentence from grandma.
"You remind me of your mother when she was your age," grandma said.
Within an hour, I'd shaved, showered, changed my clothes and was on my
way to the gym to start to shed the extra 'padding' I'd gained as a
result to my depression (it's all gone now, thankfully). Within another
24 hours, I was back in my funk yet again when a notification came on my
Facebook that I'd been dreading for months- 'Ella Henry is in a
relationship'. Within ten days of the last time we'd had sex, she'd met
another guy- or had maybe even met him before we'd last had sex- started
a relationship with him and was serious enough to take it onto Facebook.
As much as I tried to remind myself that men are supposed to sleep
around, that we're supposed to go from girl to girl and not be tied down-
especially when you're the age I am- it still hurt, it still made me feel
used and unclean... Especially as I didn't have a girl of my own in
Cardiff.
Or, at the very least, not a girl who wants anything to do with me. I
started my second year of college in September and picked up from where I
left off the previous year- unpopular due to my hobbies and my more
obvious 'status' (I still feel anxious whenever I go into the men's
toilets) despite the fact that over a year on testosterone (which I
wasn't able to celebrate, thanks to my depression) has significantly
changed my body. Stubble, hair on my legs and arms (and even a little on
my chest), biceps, a six pack, tougher, rougher skin... Girls who don't
know 'about' me look at me with pure lust in their eyes. Girls who DO
know about me look at me with disgust- none more so than one Miss Hannah
Barnard. Her making my day at the beach a misery obviously wasn't enough
for her, as she has dropped into the game store where I work every.
Single. Saturday since August, each time looking at me like I'm something
she scraped off the bottom of her shoe. She never says anything, of
course- she knows that any verbal abuse wouldn't be tolerated by
management, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like a steaming pile of
shit every time I serve her.
Fortunately, my friends have always been there to support me, even when
I've been too miserable to be any fun. Our board game nights have
continued uninterrupted, as have our videogame nights, and the guys have
been sensitive enough to stop making jokes about 'going down under' after
Ella got herself a new boyfriend- even Lee, for whom sarcasm is the
biggest part of his diet. He's even promised to let us know soon why
we've been donating aluminium cans to him for the last several months. I
am lucky that I have such good friends in Cardiff, as my 'friends' in
London haven't been quite as 'open'. I wouldn't expect them to be, of
course, and I certainly wouldn't expect them to come all the way to Wales
just to see me, but what little contact I had with them prior to my last
trip to London has dropped off considerably. The only person I still
occasionally talk to- by way of Facebook messenger, of course- is Stuart,
and the conversation always goes the same way. He asks me if I'm alright,
I say yes, we talk about football a little (he supports Chelsea and I
support Arsenal so we usually have a few strong words for each other),
then the conversation gets really awkward, we say our goodbyes and repeat
the whole thing a few weeks later. I'm pretty certain even these messages
aren't his idea, that he's pushed into sending them by his wife, but he
is at least making contact- some of the 'friends' I'd made in London
don't even have me as Facebook friends anymore. Tellingly, though, every
transgendered friend I've made- up to and including the likes of Jamie-
Lee Burke and Stephanie Abbott- still not only have me as a Facebook
friend but regularly like the posts that I make.
One person who I haven't had contact with, though, is my 'mother'. Ever
since our argument in the car park after the football game, she has
remained absolutely silent, not contacting me or grandma once. This is
undoubtedly upsetting grandma, and making me feel guilty too as I can
help but feel responsible for the rift between the two of them, but it
just proves the point that I made two months ago- that my 'mother' never
cared about me as a person, that her attempts to reconcile with me were
purely because she saw me associating with celebrities and wanted to
leech off what little fame I was building. Now that I've turned my back
on 'fame' and gone back to being an ordinary seventeen year old nerd, she
unsurprisingly wants nothing to do with me. It's telling that my
counsellor in Cardiff, who almost always takes an impartial view and
plays devil's advocate a lot, agrees with me about my 'mother'.
Obviously, my 'father' hasn't made contact either, but then again, he
barely did when I was living with him. And the less contact I have with
his mother, the better.
Unfortunately, with it being October, it means that December is just
around the corner, bringing with it the double whammy of both Christmas-
a time when I know there'll be a massive argument with all members of my
family- and five days later, my birthday, and not just any birthday, but
my eighteenth- the most important birthday of them all. I will be an
adult, legally free to do whatever I want. I can vote in an election,
legally buy and drink alcohol, I can get a tattoo... I can also arrange a
mastectomy with a hospital, or a hysterectomy, or a phalloplasty... These
aren't easy decisions, but they're ones that will need to be made soon.
As is deciding whether to go to university (my grades are good enough to
make this an option), get a full-time job, find a place of my own... I
have a lot of decisions ahead of me. I feel like I'm at a crossroads, but
I have no idea which way to go, and no one to help me make any of my
decisions.
"Hello, Ian!" Grandma says with a smile as I close the front door behind
me and drop my bag onto the sofa, though despite my tiredness, I know
better than to drop myself onto the sofa. "Weekend now, you know what
that means!"
"No schoolwork," I reply with a chuckle. "Housework, garden work and
actual employed work, but at least no schoolwork."
"All three of which you get paid for, so stop complaining," grandma
playfully chastises me. "And I'll only need you to cut the grass and run
the hoover around on Sunday so you'll have plenty of time free to play
your games with your friends."
"Thanks," I say with a grin, before heading through to the kitchen to
help grandma prepare dinner- noting that it, like the washing-up and
drying I'll have to do after dinner, is a piece of housework grandma
didn't mention...
Fortunately, no further chores are sprung on me after dinner, leaving me
free to jump into Lee's father's car when it arrives to take me to our
traditional Friday night gaming session.
"Alright mate?" Lee asks as I slide onto the seat behind him. "Got any
aluminium for me?"
"Hello to you too," I snort in response, earning a chuckle from my
friend's father.
"In fairness he did say 'alright mate' first," Mr. Charlton reminds me.
"Eh, fair enough," I shrug. "And no, I don't, and when ARE we going to
find out what you're doing with all our cans?"
"Very soon," Mr. Charlton replies. "Trust me, a lot sooner than you
think."
"Finally," I chuckle. "And I would have more cans but grandma's not what
you'd call a supermarket or a 'brand' person, she still prefers shopping
at, like, independent butchers, market stalls, that sort of thing."
"Nothing wrong with that," Mr. Charlton shrugs. "Frankly more people
should be doing that rather than be reliant on Tesco or places like
that."
"Does create a lot of extra work though," I sigh. "There's, like, twice
as much washing-up, three times as much rubbish to take out and six times
as many shopping bags to cart home, and as grandma's seventy-five and
suffering from arthritis and I'm seventeen and covered in muscles, no
prizes for guessing who gets to carry it. One thing about Tesco, they at
least deliver."
"So you're half grandson, half maid, then?" Lee asks, laughing as I reach
forward and give him a smack on the back of his head.
"You earned that one, Lee," Mr. Charlton- who, obviously, knows my
'status'- tells his son.
"I'm not suggesting you wear the uniform," Lee retorts as the car pulls
up outside Rob's house and I slide over to allow him onto the back seat.
"Hi Rob," I say to my friend, who smiles in response.
"We were discussing whether or not Ian should wear a maid's uniform," Lee
says, laughing as his dad gives him a smack on the back of the head.
"I trust you quickly arrived at the answer 'no'," Rob says. "Got some
cans in the bag, by the way."
"Excellent," Lee says. "Ian can clean them when we get to Neil's."
Despite the insult, I'm forced to chuckle as Rob gives Lee his third
smack on the head in as many minutes.
"Seriously, not funny," I snort. "Especially as Abbey-Gayle actually
chose that exact costume for her boyfriend's birthday party a few months
ago."
"Lucky him," Lee says.
"Lucky ME," I retort. "There but for the grace of god..."
"Guess we'll have to change the theme for your eighteenth next month
then, Lee," Mr. Charlton says to his son, earning genuine laughs from
myself and Rob.
"You can laugh about it when I'm the butt of the joke, then?" Lee asks.
"If you can't take it, don't dish it out," I remind my black-haired
friend. "And no, I don't mind the odd joke. Sometimes need to remind
myself that none of you ever met 'Kayleigh-Ann'."
"And we're not in any rush to," Rob says. "In fact, we don't want to,
ever. We like Ian, full stop."
"Get a room," Lee says, laughing as yet another smack finds its way to
the back of his head.
"Neither of us are gay, we're both only interested in girls, end of
story," Rob retorts, flashing a kind smile at me that helps to calm my
nerves. I often get 'reminders' like this- that the guys unquestionably
accept me as one of them- and sometimes they can feel patronising, as the
guys aren't exactly the most sensitive people in the world. On other
occasions, such as this one, they really do settle my nerves and make me
feel like I have a place where I truly belong- something 'Kayleigh-Ann'
never had.
Many places, in fact- which I'm reminded when the three of us enter
Neil's bedroom and I'm handed a can of Coke Zero (I'm still eager not to
put any weight back on) and an Xbox controller. Of course, this is the
same thing that happened whenever I went to Ollie's house, but unlike
then, I know that my friends are genuine- and more importantly, I don't
have to stop being 'Ian' at the end of the night.
"Remember to s-" Lee begins.
"Yes, we'll save the bloody cans!" Neil interrupts, making me snort with
laughter and nearly shoot cola out of my nose.
"Apparently we're going to find out REALLY soon what all the cans are in
aid of," I say. "And Lee's dad is as involved as Lee himself."
"Probably a bit more involved, actually," Lee shrugs. "Surprised none of
you have figured it out yet."
"I've got an idea," Rob says. "If it is what I think it is, then it's
definitely something I want a part of..."
"Care to clue the rest of us in?" Neil asks.
"Does this 'project' involve the numbers three, two and one in that
order?" Rob asks.
"Give that man some kudos," Lee says with a smug grin that only confuses
me and Neil further.
"Do you have a name yet?" Rob asks.
"We're thinking 'Chwilen'," Lee says.
"Welsh for beetle," Rob says.
"Yep," Lee says with a smirk. "We were originally thinking 'Draconis' or
'Draconid' to make it even more, you know, 'patriotic', but all the good
dragon-related names were taken."
"...Any more clues?" I ask.
"Tell you what- get round to mine tomorrow after your job and I'll show
you," Lee says. "Might even have a practical demonstration depending on
how much I can get finished tomorrow morning. I will guarantee one thing,
though- it'll definitely put a smile on your face!"
"I'll hold you to that," I say, making Lee snort with laughter as a knock
comes from Neil's bedroom door.
"Ah, speaking of 'holding' and 'putting smiles on faces'..." Lee teases,
laughing as Neil throws him a packet of crisps that hits him square in
the middle of the face, before standing up and opening the door to his
bedroom.
"Hey babe," Neil says with a smug grin as he exchanges a brief kiss with
the petite eighteen year old girl stood in the doorway. "Sorry my room's
a bit, well, 'manly' today..."
"Nothing manlier than videogames about cars," the girl teases, casting an
awkward glance in my direction before making herself comfortable on
Neil's bed.
"You knew what you were getting into when you agreed to go out with me,"
Neil says with a smug grin as he sits on the end of his bed and lets his
girlfriend rest her feet on his lap.
"Even if there's not much 'out' in our going out," Neil's girlfriend
retorts.
"Oh- you know I can't into anywhere without ID," Neil sighs. "Five
months, then I'll be eighteen and we'll be out every night you want, I
promise."
"Should've gone out with me instead," Lee laughs. "Eighteen next month,
the oldest of the four of us, in fact."
"Umm, yeah, no," Neil's girlfriend snorts.
"Kaboom," I say, laughing as Lee gives me a not-very playful shove-
unsurprisingly, he's the only one of the four of us to have not yet been
in a relationship, and he's a little sensitive about it. Assuming you
count me and Ella as a 'relationship', of course...
"Best behaviour, boys, there are ladies present," Neil says, before
stammering as he realised his faux pas. "Umm, A lady present, I mean,
umm..."
"Game on," I order, silencing the room- though the dirty look I get from
Neil's girlfriend through our first gaming session speaks volumes. The
question I don't answered, though, is whether she dislikes me because I'm
a nerd, because I'm transgendered, or worst of all, because she's scared
I want to steal Neil from her...
Unsurprisingly, with Neil's girlfriend in the room and growing
increasingly agitated, we cut the gaming session shorter than usual to
allow our friend a little 'private' time, though as we leave, my tension
levels rise again as we run into yet another young woman.
"Hi BOYS," Rhiannon- Neil's sister- says with a smug grin.
"Hi Rhiannon," Lee- who has an obvious crush on the older girl- replies
with what I assume is meant to be a confident smirk, but is definitely
anything but confident.
"Smooth," Rob says as the twenty year old woman heads into her bedroom.
"Yeah, she wants me," Lee says with a shrug.
"About as much as she wants a vindaloo enema," Rob retorts. "And she
already has a boyfriend. And besides, you wouldn't have enough time for
girls if 'Chwilen' is what I think it is."
"There's always time for girls," Lee retorts.
"As long as you don't, say, drop everything and head to London at the
snap of the girl's fingers," I muse, making both of my friends bite their
lips.
"...Meh, I probably still would be doing if it was me," Lee shrugs. "Then
again, lady parts are my kryptonite, so yeah."
"Which explains why you're not dead, then," Rob says, laughing as Lee
gives him another not-quite-playful shove on the way to our lift home.
Before heading to bed, I switch on my phone to check Facebook and roll my
eyes when the first story on my news feed is a picture of Neil and his
(for once, smiling) girlfriend. The next picture beneath that is a photo
of my friends Nikki and Sarah partying at a nightclub, and the one
beneath that is a picture of Ella wrapped around her new boyfriend... And
that's enough to make me switch off my phone, climb into bed and swear
off of Facebook for the next hundred years.
Despite the following morning being Saturday, I'm still awake early to
shower and shave off what little facial hair I have, before getting
dressed in my work uniform and heading downstairs to help grandma make
breakfast.
"Good to see you shaved off that fuzz," grandma says as I enter the
kitchen. "Don't want your employers thinking you're a scruff now, do we?"
"To be fair, most of my colleagues have beards," I reply. "Though to be
fair, most of them are ACTUAL beards..."
"And so is yours," grandma reminds me. "But blond men never suit beards,
and neither do you. Even if it does, well, hide the, umm, shape of your
face..."
"...Maybe I'll dye my hair brown," I shrug. "You don't really see many
men with hair my colour anyway..."
"It's your hair," grandma shrugs. "What little there is of it! And if you
want to pay for it, it's your money too."
"Something to think about for next year, maybe," I say with a smile as I
sit down and tuck into my bacon sandwich.
As I head to work, though, I can't help but stroke my now-hairless chin
and reminisce on how many times when I was younger I'd wished to be able
to actually feel genuine hairs growing out of it. Grandma was right when
she said that my beard was real. It's hair growing out of my face, which
makes it as real as my colleagues. Even if it is thinner and patchier in
places than theirs. And certainly slower growing. But the important thing
is that it DOES grow.
And, as seems to be the theme for recent times, the main thing on my mind
is how most of the girls at college or the girls who come into the shop
seem to like guys with a bit of stubble...
"Morning!" Dean says as I walk into the store, drop my coat and bag in
the back room and log onto the register. "Expecting a quiet one today,
it'll be really busy next week with the new WWE game though."
"Looking forward to it already," I laugh. "Dean, quick question..."
"Shoot," Dean says.
"What's the policy on facial hair again?" I ask, laughing as my
supervisor rubs the scratchy black hair on the side of his face.
"Well my personal policy is 'the more, the better'," Dean laughs. "We're
a game store, mate, not Lord Sugar's boardroom."
"Thought so," I say. "Just my grandma has been on at me to shave more
often, because she says beards don't suit me because, umm, I'm, you know,
blond..."
"You don't have to worry about it here, mate," Dean says. "As for blond
men not suiting beards, has she never heard of Chris Hemsworth? Or Chris
Evans, for that matter?"
"She's in her seventies, she probably hasn't even heard of Chris Evans
the ginger," I retort. "Let alone the Captain America one."
"Heh, harsh, I like it," Dean chuckles. "Yeah, don't worry about being
clean-shaven, mate. Besides, girls like a bit of stubble. And no offence,
but I- I'd have thought that, you know..."
"I should be grateful just to be able to grow a beard at all?" I ask.
"Believe me, I am. I sometimes feel sympathetic for MtF transsexuals, you
know? We've both got difficulty 'passing', this damned bandage around my
chest is proof of that, but you look at someone, see stubble and think
'definitely male' without a second thought never mind if they're wearing
a shirt or a dress. And if they're wearing a dress, well, god help
them... Reckon if I lost my mind and pulled on a dress, I would have a
hard time passing. Kinda like that, actually..."
"Can imagine," Dean laughs, before grinning as our first customer of the
day enters the store.
As always, Saturday proves to be busy. A new Mario game came out
yesterday for the 3DS and the new Forza game (that I was playing last
night) came out for Xbox earlier in the week so a lot of people have come
in to pick it up and there's the usual crowd of people picking up
merchandise and trading in old games. Just before lunch, however, is the
time of the week I've come to dread.
"Hi," Hannah mumbles as she places two packets of Pok?mon cards on the
counter for me to scan.
"Hi," I mumble, trying not to frown as Hannah visibly shudders at the
sight of me touching her merchandise. "That's ?6.98, please." The rest of
the transaction passes in silence as Hannah hands me her money, and with
a deep scowl, leaves the store with her cards. As always, I let out a
long sigh and try not to let my emotions get the better of me as Dean
slides up next to me and places a soothing hand on my shoulder.
"Take your lunch now, mate," Dean says, taking over at the till as I head
to the back room to eat... Which I only do once I've let off steam by
kicking an empty cardboard box around the store room.
It's not like we're the only videogame shop in Cardiff. We're not even
the only shop of this chain in Cardiff. And there are a million other
places that sell Pok?mon cards. And yet, every Saturday, like clockwork,
that red-haired bitch comes into my shop- MY shop- purely to sneer in my
face and make me feel like dirt. And that's just it- she makes sure she
doesn't do anything that'd cause her to get banned from the store, she
does just enough to get her 'point' across and no more. And obviously,
with college commitments, I can't NOT work on Saturdays. I try to put it
behind me for the rest of my shift, and things like Rob and his brother
dropping in to say hi definitely help, but as always, I have a frown on
my face when I bid Dean farewell at the end of the working day.
"Think of it this way, mate," Dean says, "at least she doesn't come in on
Sundays, heh."
"Yeah, true," I sigh. "See you tomorrow, mate."
"Got anything planned for this evening?" Dean asks.
"Umm, yeah, actually," I say, remembering Lee's 'invitation' from
yesterday. "Just going round a mate's, says he has something that might
cheer me up. Doubt it, but it's worth a try, right?"
"That's the spirit!" Dean chuckle. "See you tomorrow, mate." I force a
smile on my face as I wave at Dean, before leaving the shop and hopping
on the nearest bus to Lee's house, where Neil, Rob and even Rob's brother
Simon are already assembled in the dimming light of Lee's back garden.
Lee's back garden, much like Rob's game room, is a nerd's delight- but
for very different reasons. The garden contains not one, not two, but
THREE sheds, each of which contains countless numbers of tools,
workbenches, old engine parts, antique lawnmowers and old motorcycles.
Lee's father is a mechanical engineer by trade, and seemingly spends
every second of his free time tinkering with some bizarre machine. By far
the most impressive part of the garden, though, is what I assumed at
first to be a well, but is in fact a forge in which Lee's father can
smelt his own metal- undoubtedly the place where our aluminium drinks
cans have ended up over the past few months.
"Hi guys," I say to the other four teenagers. "Well, we're all finally
here..."
"Indeed," Lee says with an incredibly smug grin. "Gentlemen, the waiting
is over. And if this doesn't put a smile on your face, I don't know what
will."
"After the day I've had, I'll need it," I snort.
"Ah, another run in with the only ginger in the world more annoying than
Chris Evans?" Lee asks, chuckling as I nod. "Well next time, just imagine
her in front of THIS baby. Rob, you recording?"
"Ready when you are," Rob replies, pointing his camera phone at one of
the sheds in the garden.
"Then, without further ado," Lee says, picking up an elaborate remote
control device from a nearby table. "Three... Two... One... ACTIVATE." I
watch the shed intently as a loud whirring sound comes from inside,
before jumping back in horror as the door literally explodes outwards,
sending splinters and scraps of wood flying in all directions. Once the
debris has cleared, sat where the door used to be is a massive metal
machine, about the size of an end table, with a deadly-looking spinning
metal blade on the front.
"Gentlemen," Lee says, smiling like a proud father, "I give you...
Chwilen."
"It- it's a robot!" Neil says in an awestruck voice. "Like- like Robot
Wars!"
"That is exactly what it is," Lee says, mercifully switching off the
spinning blade and driving the robot around the garden a bit. "Me and dad
have entered a few local competitions before but only with lightweight
robots, fifteen or twenty kilos. This is our first heavyweight, one
hundred and seven kilograms of spinning DEATH."
"Aluminium armour, then?" Rob asks.
"Naturally," Lee says. "Maybe not as strong as titanium but it's
lightweight, tough, thick and, most importantly, cheap. And there are a
few layers of thermoplastic in there as well just for some extra
strength."
"How heavy's the blade?" Neil asks.
"Twenty-two kilos," Lee says with a smug grin. "Now THAT is steel, rather
than aluminium. The extra weight packs a punch. Got the starter motor
from an old Transit van powering it, with another one driving the wheels
and two car batteries powering the whole thing."
"She is a thing of beauty, mate," Rob gushes. "Put the smile back on your
face then, Ian?"
"Umm, a little," I mumble. "Why- why exactly have you built this, again?"
"Umm, to destroy other robots," Lee says with a chuckle. "You've seen
Robot Wars, right?"
"Not really," I say, trying to remember back to any time in the past when
the four of us have gone to such an event.
"Oh mate, it is THE best TV show ever," Lee says, causing my eyes to go
wide.
"T- TV show?" I ask, earning confused looks from my friends.
"Yes..." Lee says. "We must have talked about it before, surely? Hosted
by Dara O'Briain, BBC2?"
"Not something I remember watching," I say. "So- so you're going to go on
TV with this?"
"WE are going to go on TV with this," Lee says confidently. "I'm not
hogging all the limelight for myself, even if I do deserve it!"
"Oh, mate!" Neil says with an excited giggle. "Can I have a go?"
"Wait your turn," Lee says, laughing almost maniacally as he does a donut
with his robot. "Si, your birthday's next week, isn't it? Want a go?"
"Hell yes!" The fourteen year old says, laughing as he takes the control
from Lee, who instructs him how to drive the robot.
"Ah, this is fucking awesome!" Neil says, almost giddy with excitement.
"Is this what you thought it was, Rob?"
"Had a hunch," Rob shrugs. "Me and my dad have thought about building one
before but we never really had the technical skills... makes sense when
you think about it, Lee's studying electronics, his dad's an engineer,
it's the perfect combination!"
"Looks like the perfect robot, too," Neil gushes. "That thing will SHRED
anything that goes up against it!"
"I dunno, some of the recent robots have pretty tough armour... Hey,
Earth to Ian?" Rob asks, snapping me out of my 'trance'.
"Hmm?" I ask. "I'm listening!"
"Can't believe you've never watched Robot Wars before," Neil says, making
me sigh and roll my eyes.
"I've only been- well, you know, for fourteen months," I retort. "Got a
lot of catching up to do."
"Make Robot Wars the priority," Neil practically orders. "Ah, this is
awesome! We're going to be on TV!" Yeah... I think to myself. 'Awesome'
is not the word I'd use there...
"Hey, Ian!" Lee yells, calling me over to where he and Simon are stood
with the robot.
"What's up?" I ask.
"You do graphic design at college, right?" Lee asks.
"Yes..." I reply.
"Perfect," Lee says with a smug grin. "As much as I love Chwilen, right
now she is basically just a metal box on wheels. Do you think you could,
you know, make her, you know... Pretty?"
"...Are you taking the piss?" I ask, prompting a genuinely shocked
response from my friend.
"Wh- what?" Lee stammers. "No, honestly, mate, I- ah... Shit."
"Yeah, even I spotted that one," Simon says, nervously glancing at me.
"Asking a transgendered man for tips on making something pretty, right?"
"Right," I say. "But that's not all. You know the history between me and
my mum, right? The way she's been pushing me into being the next
Charlotte Hutchinson, or Katie Price? She'd love nothing more than for me
to become a TV idol."
"Maybe on a show like Love Island, or Big Brother," Lee retorts. "She
sees you on a show like Robot Wars her head'll probably explode, I
thought you'd appreciate that."
"Well- maybe?" I say, racking my brains for a counter argument but being
forced to agree that Lee actually has a point.
"And you're the one who chose to study graphic design," Lee reminds me.
"The most memorable robots are either the ones that cause the most
carnage, or have a memorable design. So if you have both, well, yeah."
"O- okay," I sigh. "I can design some decals for the side, I guess."
"Can you do a team logo for t-shirts too?" Lee asks.
"Seriously?" I ask.
"Most teams have branded gear," Lee shrugs. "I'd design the logo myself
but, well, kinda busy designing the actual robot. And I want this to be a
TEAM effort. I do the building, Neil and Rob can do a team website and
computer stuff, you can do the graphics side of things."
"Okay, sure," I say. "Happy to help, I guess."
"And you don't have to be on TV if you don't want to," Lee says with a
sigh. "Me and the other guys can hog all the limelight instead!"
"Good," Simon- who's still happily driving the robot around the garden-
says.
"Though you can have a go at driving anyway if you want," Lee says,
rudely snatching the control out of the 15 year old boy's hands and
placing it in mine.
"Okay, no idea what I'm doing," I say.
"Ever played Katamari?" Lee asks, smirking at the blank expression on my
face. "Okay, A- you should, and B- controls are very similar. Two thumb
sticks, one controls each wheel, forwards and backwards. Doesn't get any
simpler than that."
"Okay, then," I say, pushing the thumb sticks forward and trying not to
giggle as the robot moves under my control. I steer it around for a few
seconds and, much to my surprise, quickly get the hang of it. I find
myself actually having to concentrate so as not to let out a girlish
giggle as the robot does a donut, leaving tyre marks over Lee's parents'
patio.
"You're a natural!" Lee laughs. "One thing to remember though is that the
controls will be reversed if the robot gets flipped upside down. Easy way
to get around that is to think of the back of the robot as being the
front. If you could do separate decals for the front and top of the robot
I'd be grateful too."
"Easy enough," I shrug. "And is it likely to get flipped upside down? I
thought you said this thing weighs over a hundred kilos? That's, like,
twice as much as I weigh!"
"You'd be surprised," Lee laughs, before calling Neil and Rob over for
their turn at the controls.
Naturally, Neil, Rob and even Simon leave Lee's house with wide grins on
their faces at the prospect of being on one of their favourite TV shows.
I, on the other hand, am terrified. Lee's probably right when he says
that my 'mother' would have a fit if she saw me on a show like Robot
Wars, but then again, it WOULD be TV exposure, and eventually she would
calm down and use it as an excuse to persuade me to send my 'profile' to
various talent agencies... Despite her words at the football game in
August, I'm convinced that she'd accept me as her son if I was a male
model, or an actor, or a TV personality like Steve Jones or someone like
that. She'd much rather, of course, that I was a female model, or an
actress, or a TV personality like Stacey Solomon or Charlotte
Hutchinson... And she's hardly the only person who thinks that.
I don't know anything about the Robot Wars community, either the fans or
the participants. I don't know their typical ages or genders (though as
it's a nerdy thing I can hazard a guess), and most importantly of all, I
don't know how they'd react to having a transgendered person as part of
their community. Obviously, this is a challenge that will face me my
whole life- it faced me when I started college, when I started work, when
I started attending the church I regularly go to, and I was accepted in
all of those places- well, for the most part, anyway- but that doesn't
mean I'll be accepted everywhere I go. Even the fact that most of the
community are likely to be geeky like me isn't any guarantee- Hannah is
proof of that.
The one advantage I do have is that I have plenty of friends who
understand my situation perfectly, and they're all only a Facebook
message away if I need them. Unfortunately, each message I send increases
the chance of me gaining unwanted 'fame'...
After a quick dinner, I spend the rest of the evening watching clips of
old Robot Wars episodes on YouTube, and I'm forced to admit that it
really does look like a lot of fun (even if it's disappointing that
Lister from Red Dwarf isn't the host anymore). I'm not surprised to find
that the roboteers are mostly male and 'obsessive' like Lee (and, I
suppose, me) and the audience is full of kids, which leads me to believe
that they wouldn't have any 'problem' with me, but as always, there's no
guarantee. Worse yet, they may use me as an example of 'diversity' and I
end up being even more famous than I would have otherwise...
I try to put any thoughts of robots and TV out of my head as I climb into
bed, which isn't easy when you've spent all evening thinking about it, so
naturally when I wake up on Sunday morning, it's literally all I can
think about. This doesn't go unnoticed as I walk downstairs in the smart
shirt and trousers that make up my church clothes.
"Good morning, Ian!" Grandma says with a cheerful grin. "Sleep well?"
"Okay, ish," I shrug. "Just got a lot on my mind after yesterday."
"Oh yes, you were at your friend Lee's, weren't you?" Grandma replies.
"You never did tell me what you got up to, just came home and jumped
straight on your iPad..."
"Oh, umm, Lee's built a robot," I explain. "A fighting one, like on the
show Robot Wars..."
"Oh," grandma says with a surprised look- though that look quickly gives
way for a happy grin. "How exciting! Has he applied to be on the TV
show?"
"Umm, yep," I reply, surprised by the old woman's excitement. "Think he
needs to, umm, qualify first..."
"Now that WILL be a fun adventure for the four of you!" Grandma says,
actually letting out an excited giggle.
"Yeah, I guess so," I say.
"What- what's the matter, Ian?" Grandma asks, her face falling.
"I- ugh, I dunno," I sigh. "I think 'TV' and I think 'mum'..."
"Well that's not necessarily a bad thing," grandma says. "It's not like
you'd have to become a girl again to go on Robot Wars, or perform like on
one of those Simon Cowell shows. Honestly, I'd be surprised if your
mother has even heard of Robot Wars."
"Well- yeah, but-" I argue.
"Well, you don't need to make a decision now," grandma says. "Plenty of
time to talk it over with your friends later. But now we don't want to be
late for church, do we?"
"...No," I sigh as I follow grandma down to her car, which whisks us to
the small inner-city church where we'll be spending the next couple of
hours.
The service goes the same as always- prayers are said, wafers and wine
are consumed and Reverend Stubbs delivers a sermon, and at the end of the
service, I shake hands with the young vicar as usual, but before we leave
the church, grandma can't help but share my 'good news'...
"We might be seeing my grandson on a TV screen soon!" Grandma says with a
proud grin, blissfully ignorant of the anxious grimace that's spread over
my face.
"Really?" Reverend Stubbs asks. "Anything I might watch?"
"Umm... My friend- that is, me and a few friends are applying for Robot
Wars," I mumble in response.
"Ro- Robot Wars?" Reverend Stubbs asks with the same surprised look
grandma had on her face when I told her. And, much like grandma, his
facial expression quickly changes to one of sheer delight. "I used to
watch that when I was younger! Didn't realise they were still making it."
"Think they, umm, started making it again recently," I mumble. Even him?
I think to myself.
"Ah, well let me know when you're on and I'll keep an eye out for you!"
The reverend says with an excited giggle as we head back to grandma's
car.
"Looks like you've got another fan, Ian," grandma says with a grin,
making me sigh as I buckle my seatbelt and we head into the centre of
Cardiff. "Don't be like that! I know it's making you anxious, and I know
why it's making you anxious, but everyone you've told so far has been on
your side. I'm excited for you, Reverend Stubbs is excited for you, your
friends are obviously excited, as they're the ones who are responsible
for applying for the show! Everyone is behind you, Ian. There's no need
to be so anxious!"
"...I know," I say, trying not to sigh. "I just- ugh, I dunno. Had so
many setbacks lately, I- I-"
"You're going to look a gift horse in the mouth?" Grandma asks. "There's
a difference between being cautious and being paranoid. You see this
Robot Wars thing and all you see is an inevitable confrontation with your
mother."
"And articles in newspapers saying 'look at the tranny and HER robot'," I
spit, momentarily silencing my grandmother.
"...If any so-called 'journalist' writes THAT headline I will sue them
myself," grandma says in a low voice that immediately tells me that she's
not bluffing. "But think of the positives that could come out of it. It
could lead to GOOD publicity, it's something to put on a CV, you will
make new contacts, new friends... Might even meet a nice young woman,
too."
"...Really?" I retort. "From Robot Wars?"
"It's not impossible," grandma says with a smug smile as we pull up
outside my place of work. "Do you have your work uniform with you?"
"Yeah, I'll- I'll change in the back," I say as I jump out of the car,
allowing grandma to head home.
Naturally, I muse on grandma's words as I change out of my smart shirt
into my company polo shirt. She's undoubtedly right when she says that
being on TV has countless positives attached to it, and probably the
biggest would be 'not letting my friends down' over anything that grandma
suggested. This is something Lee has clearly wanted for a long time, and
I'm not going to stand in the way of his dream- after all, he's always
enabled my dream, something I realise when I stare down at the thin, soft
hair growing in what I used to (reluctantly) call my cleavage.
"Alright mate?" Dean asks as I step out onto the shop floor and take my
usual spot behind the till. "Should be quiet today, the weather and all
that..."
"And everyone will still be indoors playing FIFA, hopefully," I muse. "No
doubt my grandmother would have a thing or two to say about THAT, people
playing football on a screen indoors instead of playing it with a real
ball down the park..."
"Hey, if it keeps money in our till, I'm not complaining," Dean shrugs.
"Though it is fun to, you know, get your hands dirty from time to
time..." Like building a real-life robot instead of coding one into a
computer game? I think to myself.
"Yeah," I say, suddenly remembering grandma's words about the support of
friends. "Dean, do- do you watch Robot Wars?"
"I catch it if I can," Dean shrugs. "Used to love it when I was a kid,
when Craig Charles was the host. Why, you thinking of building a robot?"
"My mate Lee HAS," I explain, chuckling and rolling my eyes as Dean lets
out an excited gasp.
"Ah- seriously?" Dean asks. "Cool! What's its main weapon?"
"Massive spinning blade at the front," I reply. "Smashed the hell out of
an old shed door last night. Think Lee might've put it on YouTube, I know
he was having it recorded."
"Sweet, I'll see if I can find it," Dean says, grabbing one of the
store's iPads and opening up YouTube. "Kinda naughty using company Wi-Fi
for this but whatever. What's the robot's name?"
"Chwilen," I reply. Within seconds, Dean has the video loaded on the iPad
and is happily chuckling away at the sight of the metal machine tearing
Lee's garden to shreds.
"Ooh, yes, THAT will go far!" Dean laughs. "Excited by the prospect of
being on TV, then?"
"Less than you'd imagine," I sigh. "You know the history of me and my
mum..."
"Ehh, that's true..." Dean says with a grimace. "Ah well, I'll take your
place if you don't want it, heh!"
"You- you'll have to take that up with Lee," I chuckle as the first
customer enters the store.
The day goes as Sundays usually go- quieter than Saturdays, but still
plenty of people coming in to buy games and accessories. Eventually,
though, 3:55pm rolls around, and both Dean and I are about to breathe
sighs of relief when the door opens and one last customer enters the
store- and my nerves instantly fray when I see who it is.
"Seriously?" I whisper to my supervisor as the petite, ginger-haired girl
browses the pre-owned games section. "I thought you said she didn't come
in on Sundays?"
"She usually doesn't," Dean sighs. "But it's a free country, not like I
can ban her..."
"I know," I say. "Just have to be stressed for the rest of the day, I
guess." I force my usual neutral expression on my face as Hannah
approaches my till- though instead of her usual scowl, today she has a
sickeningly sweet smile on her face. She's also wearing a lot more make-
up than usual...
"Hi!" Hannah says with a girlish giggle, handing me a copy of Uncharted 3
for the PlayStation 3. "And, yes, I know, hehe!"
"Know... What?" I ask cautiously as Hannah reaches into her handbag.
"...My ID, of course!" Hannah giggles bashfully. "Good job you're good
looking, hehe!" I exchange a quick look with Dean, who is clearly as
flummoxed as I am, before glancing down at Hannah's student ID- and all
of a sudden, things become a lot clearer.
"Chloe Morgan Barnard," I read aloud. "Born 27th of February 2001."
"Which makes me sixteen, which means I can buy this game," the ginger
girl- who, on closer examination, is obviously different to Hannah in a
lot of subtle ways- says, handing me her money. "Did- ahh... Did you
think I was my sister?"
"...She does come in here a lot," I mumble.
"She is a TOTAL nerd," Chloe snorts. "Not that that's a bad thing, mind
you, hehe!"
"It's not her worst characteristic," I spit, immediately grimacing as I
realise I've not only insulted a customer, but a family member of my
current customer. What happens next, though, comes as a total surprise to
myself and Dean.
"Ugh, tell me about it," Chloe spits. "You know, over the summer holiday,
she went to the beach and got chatting to a guy, only to find out that he
was transgendered?"
"Fancy that," I say, grimacing again as Dean barely suppresses a snort of
laughter.
"Like, he was born a girl, but now living as a boy," Chloe continues.
"Hannah went BALLISTIC, actually said she was going to accuse him of
raping her. Probably would've done if I hadn't pointed out that they were
in the middle of a crowded beach and she'd have had a really hard time
trying to prove it." My stomach churns at the thought of facing a
criminal charge as severe as rape, even if, as Chloe says, the charge
would've been impossible to prove- the mere accusation would've
undoubtedly destroyed my life...
"Does- does she ever talk about, you know, him?" I ask.
"Not really," Chloe shrugs. "She's always been, you know, 'wrong in the
head' like that... She HATES gay people, thinks they're disgusting,
reckons all Muslims are terrorists, hell, she even admires that orange-
faced arsehole in the White House!"
"So- so you've got no problem with, umm, LGBT people, then?" I ask,
smirking despite myself as Dean gives me a playful elbow in my side.
"Would I be wearing this if I did?" Chloe asks, unzipping her raincoat
and proudly displaying the 'Out of Heaven' t-shirt underneath. Slightly
more noteworthy, however, is her necklace, which is shaped like a Star
Trek chevron... "Got tickets to see them at Wembley Arena later in the
month. REALLY looking forward to it, hehe!"
"Cool," I say, trying to wrap my head around the idea that a girl might
like Out of Heaven AND Star Trek- and remembering grandma's advice not to
look a gift horse in the mouth, especially as, unlike her sister, Chloe's
already stated that she has no problem with transgendered people. And she
thinks I'm good-looking...
"It drives Hannah MAD, of course," Chloe giggles. "Almost as mad as my
Jeremy Corbyn t-shirt, hehe!"
"Yeah, I know someone like that," I say, leaning forward onto the counter
and grinning happily. "Though she's my grandmother rather than my sister,
heh."
"Oh my god," Chloe says, a look of delight creeping across her face. "I
am SO calling her 'grandma' when I get home, that'll drive her mad,
hehe!"
"Heh," I chuckle, my grin widening as Dean gives me another elbow in my
ribs, reminding me that the shop has technically closed and I'm still
here flirting with a customer. "Umm, you know, it's kinda- kinda a small
world, heh."
"Why do you say that?" Chloe asks.
"Ian Freeman," I say, extending my hand, which Chloe shakes with a
confused look on her face. "Born 'Kayleigh-Ann Walker' just under
eighteen years ago, and called a 'freak' by your sister just over two
months ago."
"Oh- you- no way!" Chloe giggles girlishly. "You- but you're hot!"
"Thanks, you're pretty cute too!" I reply, giggling as I earn a squeak of
excitement from the ginger-haired girl.
"Ugh, I- I am so, SO sorry for my sister," Chloe babbles. "She is SUCH a-
"
"Don't worry about it," I say. "I've met the better Barnard girl now,
heh!"
"Hehe!" Chloe squeaks excitedly. Okay, I think to myself. Second time
lucky...
"We- we, umm, we've got to close the shop now," I say with an exaggerated
sigh. "Do- do you, you know, want to get a coffee some time?"
"Sure!" Chloe almost immediately responds, making me giggle.
"Oh- cool!" I say, taking a scrap of paper from behind the till and a
pen. "This is my Facebook page, add me when you, umm, want..."
"Will do!" Chloe squeaks, taking the web address and leaving the shop
with an obvious spring in her step.
"And you didn't even tell her about your robot," Dean teases as he locks
the door after Chloe, making me roll my eyes.
"First, it's not MY robot," I retort.
"...And second?" Dean asks.
"And second..." I say with a grin. "She is REALLY into me!"
"Hell yeah she is!" Dean laughs, giving me a firm pat on the back as we
finish cashing up and locking up the store.
Naturally, I have a smile on my face as I walk through my front door,
something that doesn't go unnoticed by the other resident of the house.
"Good day at work, then?" Grandma asks.
"Definitely one of the better ones," I chuckle.
"Your colleagues are excited about the robot, then?" Grandma asks. "I'm
surprised you're not over at Lee's house playing with it some more."
"Think he needs to work on it tonight, we'd just be in the way," I say.
"No, I- I kinda, umm, got talking to a- a girl, who, um, came into the
shop..."
"Oh, okay," grandma says. "Is she nice?"
"Mm," I mumble in the affirmative. "She's cute, she likes the same things
I do... Though she is- do you remember when- when I went to the beach?
That girl who insulted me?"
"I remember how miserable you were afterwards," grandma says. "Don't tell
me it's the same girl, or one of her friends?"
"...Sort of in the middle," I sigh. "Her sister, younger sister I think."
"Oh," grandma says. "You know that won't be fun when you go to meet her
family."
"Assuming we even end up going out," I say.
"...But you DO want her to be your girlfriend, don't you?" Grandma asks.
"...Yes, probably," I reply. "Almost certainly, like I said, she's cute,
she's-"
"Well I'm sure she's very nice," grandma says. "I would just be cautious
if I were you."
"Didn't you tell me this morning not to look a gift horse in the mouth?"
I ask, biting my lip as my question silences the elderly woman.
"...Yes I did," grandma concedes. "But I also said that being cautious
wasn't the problem, being paranoid was. Though I am pleased to see the
smile back on your face. Should've realised that the only thing that
would do that would be a girl. Typical seventeen year old boy, heh."
"Hardly 'typical', heh," I snort.
"Does this girl think you're 'typical'?" Grandma asks, making me start to
blush.
"...Maybe," I mumble. "What- what's for tea?"
"Roast beef, as usual," grandma says. "You can come and help me with the
vegetables. I trust that I don't need to remind you of my rules regarding
girls in this house?"
"You don't, no," I say, making grandma smile as she hands me a bowl of
potatoes to peel. The 'rules' are, obviously, no sex under her roof
(well, when she's there, anyway) and the girl must leave before grandma
goes to bed. However, there are no rules against me staying at the girl's
house (as proved by my short-lived relationship with Ella)- though as
grandma pointed out, that's not a very pleasant prospect when it comes to
Chloe's house...
After dinner- which is as delicious and filling as usual- I grab my iPad
to watch more Robot Wars clips, and a smile quickly spreads across my
face when I see the notification 'Chloe Barnard has sent you a friend
request'. Obviously, I approve the request, and mere seconds later my
iPad pings to inform me of a new instant message.
'Hey Ian,' Chloe's message reads. 'Thanks for approving my request!'
'You're welcome,' I reply with a 'grinning' emoji. 'You at home>'
'Yeah,' Chloe replies. 'My brother's come round so I'm trying to avoid
him.'
'You got a brother and a sister?' I ask.
'1 brother, 2 sisters,' Chloe replies. 'All annoying in their own way.
Matt is just as Nazi as Hannah, probably more even. Rosie looks up to
Matt so she's a pain too.'
'Aww,' I type with a 'hugging' emoji that Chloe immediately reciprocates.
'Only child myself. Don't even live with parents anymore, live with my
grandma, parents didn't react well to my coming out.'
'Aww,' Chloe types with another 'hugging' emoji that I happily
reciprocate. 'Your parents live in Cardiff too?'
'London,' I reply. 'Dad works for a big company, mum spends his money and
spends the whole day pretending she's important. She was a serious 'stage
mom'.'
'Sounds horrible,' Chloe types with a 'sad' emoji.
'It wasn't fun,' I type. 'Much happier in Cardiff. More friends, genuine
friends too.'
'I can tell from your photos,' Chloe types with a 'winking' emoji, which
I reply to with a 'blushing' emoji, which earns a 'sticking out tongue'
emoji in return from my new friend.
'There's a lot of nerdiness in those photos,' I type with another
'blushing' emoji.
'Nerds are cool,' Chloe types. 'Some are even sexy!' Yet more 'blushing',
'winking' and 'sticking out tongue' emojis are exchanged.
'Even when playing Star Trek Attack Wing?' I ask with a 'sticking out
tongue' emoji of my own.
'ESPECIALLY then,' Chloe replies with a 'grinning' emoji. I start typing
a response, but only get down a couple of letters when Chloe sends down
another message- a much more urgent one than her previous one: 'OMG!'
'?' I reply.
'OMG!' Chloe repeats. 'OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!'
'What's up?' I type, my panic levels rising at the ginger girl's sudden
outburst.
'YOU KNOW STEPH ABBOTT!!!!!' Chloe types, making me sigh and roll my eyes
as she follows up her message with a photo from my page of me with the
aforementioned singer.
'We've met a couple of times,' I type. 'We did a photoshoot together for
the Sunday Globe earlier in the year, we kept in touch on Facebook. I
used to have a girlfriend in London so I'd go down from time to time,
that sort of thing.'
'Oh my god that is so awesome!!!!!!!!' Chloe types. 'OMG does that mean
you're one of the IX?'
'The 'IX'?' I ask.
'I remember seeing that Steph Abbott and Jamie-Lee Burke did a photoshoot
with a few other transgendered people,' Chloe types. 'They all got a
tattoo afterward like the Fellowship from LotR, did you get a tattoo
too?'
'Only seventeen, not allowed,' I type with a 'winking' emoji. 'But yes, I
was one of that nine!' I giggle as Chloe's side of the conversation
becomes a barrage of 'shocked', 'grinning' and 'shaking with excitement'
emojis.
'When you said you lived in London I was going to ask if you knew the
Angels,' Chloe types. 'Figured that'd be too much of a stereotype lol.'
'Not every transgendered person in London knows each other,' I reply with
a 'sticking out tongue' emoji. 'Though if my mum had her way I'd probably
already be Steph Abbott's best friend.'
'She pushed you hard, then?' Chloe asks with 'sad' and 'hugging' emojis.
'Put it this way- I'm the only 17 year old male Star Trek fan who works
in a videogame store who knows how to do a grand jete,' I type. 'Whether
I like it or not.'
'My little sister does ballet,' Chloe types with a 'rolling eyes' emoji.
'Me and Hannah dropped it when I was ten but Rosie just got really into
it, she is such a girly girl.'
'Tbf from your photos you're not exactly a tomboy,' I reply, earning a
'bashful giggle' emoji from my new friend.
'I do like fashion and make-up,' Chloe replies. 'Actually do fashion
design at college, but I really like designing costumes more. Me and
Hannah have sometimes gone to conventions dressed as TV show characters.'
I giggle at the 'blushing' emoji that follows Chloe's message, wasting no
time in replying with a 'hugging' emoji.
'I do graphic design,' I type, happy to finally be steering the
conversation away from celebrities. 'Probably applying to uni next year.'
'OMG you should go to uni in London!' Chloe types, making my heart sink-
I know where this is going... 'That way you can hang out with the Angels
too! Then in 2019 I can go to uni in London and maybe you can introduce
me?' It's all I can do not to let out a very loud, very long swear word
at Chloe's message. Here I was, thinking she was a sweet, nerdy,
intellectual girl, when instead she's another Georgie, superficial and
celebrity-obsessed...
'Maybe,' I type.
'Something wrong?' Chloe asks after a brief pause, making me sigh. 'Have
I done something?' Erm, yes, I think to myself.
'It's not like I'm BEST friends with the Angels or Out of Heaven,' I
type. 'I don't chat with them the way we're chatting now, if you're
expecting to become part of their inner circle, you're going to be
disappointed.'
'OMG do you really think that's why I'm chatting with you?' Chloe asks
with an 'angry' emoji. 'I didn't even know you knew the Angels when I
sent you that friend request!'
'Sorry,' I type with a 'blushing' emoji.
'It just came as a surprise that I get chatting to a hot guy and find out
they personally know one of my favourite bands,' Chloe types, earning
another 'blushing' emoji from me- which is exactly what my real face is
doing too. 'Most guys who were trying to hit on me and saw me wearing an
Out of Heaven t-shirt would probably fire at me every photo they have of
them with the girls.'
'I don't want to lean on that,' I type. 'I'm not famous, I don't want to
pretend that I am either. I can't stand wannabes.'
'You're hardly a 'wannabe',' Chloe types. 'Though I get what you mean, I
think- you've spent so much time being someone else, you want someone to
like you for who you are?'
'Exactly,' I type, my 'smiling' emoji again reflecting my flesh and blood
face. 'Sorry again for implying you were- you know.'
'It's okay,' Chloe types with a 'smiling' emoji of her own. 'Guess I was
a little full-on. And yes, I like you for you!' This time, I reply to
Chloe's 'sticking out tongue' emoji with a 'giggling' one.
'I like you too,' I type. 'And I might be able to arrange a meeting with
Angels or Out of Heaven...' Much to my surprise, my 'winking' emoji gets
a 'rolling eyes' emoji in return.
'Don't make promises you can't keep, Freeman,' Chloe types with a
'sticking out tongue' emoji. 'Doesn't make you any less sexy if you never
appear on TV!' Okay, I think to myself. Decision time- I can easily 'reel
her in' with the robot, if I don't mind being a hypocrite (and committing
myself to being in the on-screen team), or I can do things the hard way
and let her find out later... Despite my best efforts, I find my male ego
(and, more notably, my libido) taking over, and I type the next message
almost on automatic pilot.
'Does that include Robot Wars?' I type with a 'winking' emoji, grinning
as I get a 'shocked' one in reply.
'You've built a robot!?!?!?' Chloe asks with more 'shocked' emojis.
'One of my friends has, but I'm on the team,' I reply.
'Can I see it? Can I have a go with it?' Chloe asks.
'I'll have to clear it with him,' I reply. 'But I don't see why not. Most
first dates don't involve taking turns driving 100kg metal boxes though!'
'Most first dates are lame,' Chloe replies with a 'sticking out tongue'
emoji. 'This sounds awesome!'
'It's a date, then?' I ask.
'Hell yeah it is!' Chloe replies with a 'grinning' emoji that actually
makes me light-headed with excitement.
Naturally, when I eventually go to bed, I don't get much sleep. My life
has had so many ups and downs that sometimes it feels like I have far
more 'downs' than 'ups'. One thing's for certain, though, Chloe is
shaping up to be as much an 'up' as her sister was a 'down'- maybe even
more so. Assuming she's okay going out with a boy who doesn't have
anything that can be 'up'...
My sleeplessness results in me being extra tired when I get up on Monday
morning, something that grandma turns a blind eye to (having almost
certainly guessed the reason for my fatigue) but my friends immediately
pick up on when I meet up with them at the college entrance.
"All-nighter, then?" Neil asks as I walk up to my friends and barely
stifle a yawn. "What's her name?"
"Chwilen," I retort, laughing as I earn an angry stare from Lee.
"...She loves me and only me,' Lee retorts. "Unless of course you mean
you were up all night making designs for her?"
"Mate, if hell freezes over and you ever do get a girlfriend, you'd
better get one who doesn't mind playing second fiddle to a robot!" Neil
says, making us all laugh as Lee 'punishes' him with a playful shove.
Naturally, the playful ribbing continues as we meet up for lunch-
perpetrated in part by me offering Lee a 'team logo' which consists of a
love heart with the letters 'C' and 'L' in it.
"How many times, exactly, have you been sarcastic to us in the past?" I
ask, making the black-haired boy sigh loudly.
"We take the piss because we care," Rob says.
"And we want revenge," Neil says, making me and Rob snort with laughter.
"...Okay, okay," Lee sighs. "As long as you all realise that she loves ME
and the best you three arseholes will ever be are 'friends WITHOUT
benefits'."
"We could never come between a love so strong," Rob snorts. "How is she
doing, anyway?"
"Purring like a kitten," Lee says with a proud grin. "A kitten with a
massive metal blade on the front, anyway!"
"You still want our drinks cans?" I ask. "Or can we finally start
actually recycling them?"
"You ARE recycling them," Lee retorts. "Better they go to Chwilen then
making something useless, like a car door or something like that. And
I'll always need spare body panels, that sort of thing. She's going to
take a lot of punishment when she eventually gets into the arena..."
"You can actually see him starting to tear up at that thought," Neil
says, laughing as Lee gives him yet another shove. I laugh and start to
tuck into my chicken burger, when I'm suddenly distracted by the last
thing I expected to see.
There, all the way across the dining hall, is the familiar petite body
and red hair of the girl I spent most of yesterday evening talking to.
And it's obviously her and not her sister, or a lookalike, or another
random girl. Her tight top, long pencil skirt and high-heeled shoes is
the trademark look of Kayla Ford, her fashion idol. Her make-up is
identical to the style she wore yesterday, and the chevron-shaped pendant
she's wearing around her neck is the ultimate giveaway. To my friend's
bemusement, I crane my neck to get a better look, which results in my
eyes meeting Chloe's- and a wide grin quickly spreading across the ginger
girl's face as she scurries toward where me and my friends are sat.
"I- Ian?" Chloe asks.
"What- what are you doing here?" I ask, standing up and being immediately
surprised (not to mention embarrassed in front of my friends) when Chloe
dumps her meal on our table and gives me a tight hug and a gentle kiss on
my cheek.
"I study here, silly!" Chloe giggles. "I told you I was at college,
didn't I?"
"Yeah, but-" I retort. "There's, umm, more than one college in, umm, in
Cardiff..."
"Get a room," Lee snorts, the devilish grin quickly returning to his
face.
"Oh, umm," I mumble. "Guys, this is Chloe, we, umm, met yesterday, Chloe,
this is Rob, Neil and Lee... Yeah."
"Nice to meet you all," Chloe says with a giggle. "So... Which one of you
built the robot, then?"
"Me!" Lee says, his devilish grin changing into a smug one.
"Ugh, SO cool," Chloe sighs. "Ian was telling me about it last night..."
"Yeah, it's not Ian's to talk about," Lee says. "I'm guessing he promised
you a test drive as well?"
"...He said he'd talk it over with you," Chloe says, flashing a devilish
grin at me as I feel my cheeks redden.
"I think we can arrange something," Lee says as Chloe becomes distracted
by the corner of the dining hall she came from.
"Ugh, think my friends are waiting for me," the ginger-haired girl says,
before giving me another hug. "This is so cool that we go to the same
college! What a coincidence, eh?"
"Yeah," I laugh, sitting down as Chloe flashes me a grin, grabs her lunch
and heads back to her friends. I pick up my burger again, ready to tuck
in, when I suddenly realise that all three of my friends have stopped
what they're doing and are staring expectantly at me. "...What?"
"Mate," Rob says quietly. "Nice going! She is cute!"
"No wonder you're knackered today," Lee says. "I won't tell Chwilen
you're cheating on her, then..."
"Thank you, thank you," I say with a smug grin.
"Mate," Neil says, a look of concern spreading across her face. "Guys,
didn't- didn't you notice?"
"Hard NOT to notice," Lee says. "Interpret 'hard' however you want."
"Didn't she look familiar to you?" Neil asks. "Similar to someone we met
on the beach a couple of months ago...?"
"Oh- yeah, she's Hannah's sister," I say matter-of-factly, snorting with
laughter as Neil nearly chokes on his lunch.
"Her- her sister!?" Neil asks. "Have- have you, umm, told her-"
"Yes, I've told her," I sigh. "She's cool with it. Chloe's, like, the
white sheep of her family, nothing like Hannah."
"It's gonna be fun when you meet her family for the first time," Neil
says, the shocked expression not leaving his face.
"You're not the first person to have said that," I say. "It's a bridge
I'll cross when I get to it."
"And to be fair to her," Neil says quietly. "She- she's not as hot as
Ella, you know?"
"...Maybe objectively speaking," I shrug. "But she's cute, she's funny,
she likes the things I like... I've got a good feeling about this, you
know?"
"Well- okay," Rob says. "I've just got the feeling we may end up picking
up the pieces again..."
"Yeah, well, I'm the only one doing any 'picking up' right now," I sigh.
"If you insist," Neil sighs.
"...In slightly drier news," Lee says. "I can put Chwilen together and
give you all a go tonight, if you want."
"Sounds good," Rob says with a grin.
"Can-" I begin, before being immediately interrupted.
"Yes, you can bring your bloody girlfriends along," Lee says, looking
tiredly at me and Neil as wide grins spread across our faces