Limericks indian porn

Jokes and GigglesChapter 929 All Kinds of Limericks

These are compliments of Rick M. Air Lingus A mother and her young son were flying Air Lingus. The son, who had been looking out the plane’s window, turned to his mother and said, “Mom, if big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?” Stumped, the mother suggested to her son that he ask the stewardess. The boy promptly got out of his seat and wandered back to the service area. “Excuse me,” the boy said to the stewardess. “If big dogs have...

After the Energists Mike s and Tempe s NIS WeekChapter 13 Let s Get It On

NIS Day 5 – Morning - Medway High School 8:18am, Friday, November 2, 1979 “Hey, Cano. Why the Keytar and my Sweet Baby James?” I asked when I saw my ex-girlfriend come around the main hallway corner with her portable keyboard system, plus my 6-string acoustic guitar case. “Didn’t Tempe or Sammy say something to you?” Cano replied as she handed me my guitar case. “We wanted to surprise him, and all the guys,” Tempe quickly responded from beside the other three fully clothed NIS girls. “We...

Ladies at Sea

Throughout the recorded history of man there has been an ongoing fascination with the nude female form, in its erotic response to abuse, and a primal desire to see naked females undergo severe debasing torture. There are hundreds of examples of cultures that openly practiced the sexual debauchment of women on a regular basis. Drawings on the walls of caves clearly indicated that the breasts and pubic mounds of captured women were a delicacy, eaten directly from the living victim. In Ancient...

George Isolde etc Ch VII

Chapter VII George had been sitting on the front stoop, nursing a bottle of Boh when Terry pulled up. He stood up and walked toward the car. Sticking out his hand, he said, “Hi. I’m George. Welcome. Bob said you were making hay today. There’s a hose ‘round back, if you wanna knock the dust off.” Terry shook hands and said, “Name’s Terwilliger, but everyone calls me Terry. A hose doesn’t do very well. I was thinking maybe I’d run over to Mago Vista and jump in the river.” He cocked his head...

Novels

The Book of Madness

The Book of Madness Part 1 of 2 By Morpheus I leaned back slightly and took a bite of my sandwich, not taking my eyes from the page of the book that I was currently reading. I was in the middle of my lunch, but couldn't actually leave for it since I was the only one in the store at the moment. But that was fine with me as I wanted to finish up my book anyway. My name is Ellis Meyers, and I am a 6 foot tall, 19-year-old with glasses and dark hair. I'm also a bookworm,...

Life With AlphaChapter 20 Going Public

This particular gathering was focused on (drum roll, please) ... Artificial Intelligence! (Maybe some of you can see where this is going.) Lectures, presentations and panel discussions covered both practical developments in the field and the theoretical legal, political and ethical implications of artificial life forms. There had been a variety of such conferences over the years. Some were more focused on the ethics of creating artificial or synthetic life, especially if it was created to...

Ass Over Tea Kettle

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I will tell you now that it is absolute unadulterated horseshit. Absence and distance cut your heart into little pieces and leaves a hole inside that hurts.Katie. Oh my Katie…I had been attending a four-day seminar given by the International Business Women’s Association, hosted by the International Banque de France in Paris. The Wall Street financial company I was associated with was paying the bills, and so it was important that I made the most of...

Love Stories

George Isolde and the Brass Ring Polka Band

Dedication This dedication is long and necessarily so. The book has taken me three decades to write, mostly because I didn’t start actually putting pen to paper, so to speak, until I had all my background ducks in a row. Putting ducks in a row is like herding cats; patience becomes the primary virtue. This book is Tom Woolfolk’s fault. Well, actually, Tom’s and Sheila’s jointly. We three commuted to work together for a few years in the early eighties, and during those long and boring rides,...

Novels

The L WordChapter 3 Moving in

Wednesday, they had dinner, and then they sat in a movie with Bret’s arm around her shoulders. It wasn’t a bad movie. Then, he drove her back to the dorm and kissed her. The kiss went on and on, as though he was trying to make her sorry that they hadn’t gone back to his apartment. Well, she’d put her pills into her handbag just in case he asked her, but he hadn’t. The dance Friday was as much fun as dancing with Bret always was. The kiss afterwards was as hot and as long. They drove...

Forbidden Lizzy

This is a tale of forbidden love and lust, featuring an alpha male, and a cheeky, but sexually submissive, t-girl.* * * *"Fucking hell, Lizzy," I shouted angrily, as I bolted to my feet from my garden sun-lounger. "Don't you dare do that again."I'd just been hit by a jet of freezing-cold water: water that had come straight from Lizzy's large, pump-action water gun. As the June sun beat down, she grinned at me over the three-foot garden wall and began to purposefully jerk the pump all over...

Chatting with Jack Chalker 2

Chat Guest: Jack Chalker On Sunday December 5, 1999 12:30PM PDT Edited by Anne-Mal + jchalker has arrived. (TgDon) *Trumpets blare* (Morgan) YAY! "Identity Matrix"! The best!!! (ninja660) Our guest has arrived! :) (TgDon) *Swords rise up in deference* (Sapphire) Hip, hip, hurray! (TgDon) *All rise* (DanielSan59) All Right! Welcome! (Lorna) YEAH! (ninja660) Greetings Jack! (*Julie) Welcome!! (*Bashful) Welcome Mr. Chalker! (Jean_Rea) Welcome Mr....

Willow s Story

N.B. I've noticed sometimes, but not always, a small problem caused when I change to Rich Text Format from Word that some accents on or under letters get lost. For example Provencal should have a cedilla under the 'c' but comes out as Proven(al in my story 'The Pre-nuptial Agreement'. In the following story is the word 'melee' and this has a circumflex over the first e and an acute accent over the second e. Sometimes it reproduces correctly, other times it doesn't. Having gone to...

Jeanni Lamphear Will Make Your Wishes Come True 4 5 The Beat Goes On

{Having discovered who has the power to turn him into a girl, John finds there may be yet another with power over him.} Jeanni Lamphear Will Make Your Wishes Come True 4-5: The Beat Goes On By Ron Dow75 4: What Good's a Crue? Jeanni Lamphear, the Golden Girl of Entertainment, left the Colgate Manse at more than 3:30 in the morning. 'HE' was totally dejected. "Great! How am I going to break this stupid spell. It's bad enough I've got I have to worry about four perverts, but...

Humor

George Isolde etc Chapter XV

Chapter XV They were all sitting at the breakfast table, having a second cup of coffee, when Isolde spoke up. “I have an idea,” she said. “On those nights when I don’t feel like shutting one of you out, would you both mind coming to my bed with me, and just snuggling, and going to sleep that way?” George and Terry looked at each other. “I’m game, if you are,” Terry said. “Okay,” George said. “We can give it a try.” He wanted to say that things might be moving a little too fast, but he...

Novels

MagicChapter 44

The referee threw a flag on the play when the home team went off-sides. Ms. Woodhill stood up and shouted, “The umpire needs glasses.” “That’s a referee,” Jerry said looking over at his teacher like she was a complete and total airhead. With a wide-eyed expression of wonder on her face, Ms. Woodhill said, “Really? All of these sports are just so confusing.” “Umpires are for baseball,” Jerry said patiently. The man seated next to Ms. Woodhill laughed and said, “She knows that.” Sid,...

The Word

In the forefront of his mind Peyton knew it all so much mean-spirited bunk, one more in a line of petty abuses freakishly tall Sally had to endure, but at the same time the lizard contingent that kept squalid house in some far flung synaptic bunker at the back of it all whispered what ifs in a low guttural whisper, suggesting several visceral scenarios & variations on the theme that were all too plausible to hormone addled Peyt, just sprouting his first healthy crop lip hair & wielding his...

Opus No 3 The Mask

I stand on the edge of the horizon and I recognize her- the woman in the mask. She does not cry or mourn and she pretended not to notice me. It started a month ago and I just can’t seem to get it out of my mind. It was an echo of a rat-a-tat sound of falling rain on a tin roof, a cycle that seemed to repeat itself over and over again. I had been here before but I had a feeling that once I left- I would never, ever, return. The phone rang and I answered it- even then I could tell she was...

CAPTIUS Defiance Words Eternal Past to Present

So just a few things I would like to bring to your attention. The first item would be that yes, I am Mishikail; the co-author of the Eternal Series that captius wrote. This is my private account on this site and I thought I would just let people know that. Even though this account is not named Mishikail, I am still her. I chose the username Oblivionthree for a reason; mostly because I think it sounds kind of cool. So some of you may not believe I am who I am claiming to be, but oh well....

Fear and Self Loathing at Pride

Growing up a gay girl in a small Bible Belt town was not easy, trust me. I tried it and cannot recommend it to anyone. In fairness, that was almost 20 years ago and it was harder then.(Sorry, I lapsed into "Get off my lawn" mode.)These days, lesbianism has attained a certain cachet. It's nearly impossible now to watch a movie orTV program without a lesbian (always an attractive one, I must add). Hell, we've replaced the wacky neighbor on sitcoms.(Suck it, Mr. Roper!) In my day, the closest...

Lesbian

Rh aan the siblings

Yes, just like that of a banshee indeed. Just as long as I do not ever meet one of them; bad news and all of that, not to mention how awful their singing is… In the inn’s heated bath, actually a small pool, she eased in a short swim from side to side; always she alternated her strokes, one way on her stomach, the other on her back. At least until she heard the young serving lad splash into the water; so stunned was he, like most hormone raging teen boys, by the sight of her bared...

Celebrating National Nude Day Ch 07

‘Well, I must say, Mike, your entry is going to be a difficult one to beat. Unfortunately, as it states in the PMS official rule book, those who have entered the contest are ineligible to cast their vote for their story or for anyone else’s story. Otherwise, I think that I’d be voting for your story rather than my own,’ said Stan with a chuckle. ‘Also, as with all of our contests, we do not accept anonymous votes. All votes must be signed by a registered PMS member and only one vote per member...

George Isolde and the Brass Ring Polka Band

Dedication This dedication is long and necessarily so. The book has taken me three decades to write, mostly because I didn’t start actually putting pen to paper, so to speak, until I had all my background ducks in a row. Putting ducks in a row is like herding cats, patience becomes the primary virtue. This book is Tom Woolfolk’s fault. Well, actually, Tom’s and Sheila’s jointly. We three commuted to work together for a few years in the early eighties, and during those long and boring rides,...

Some Hilarious Dirty Jokes and Limericks

An elephant and a mouse, lifelong best friends, are walking along a dirt path in Africa. Suddenly, the elephant falls into a big hole and screams for his friend to get him out. The mouse runs home as fast as he can, gets his Mercedes, drives back to the hole, ties a rope to the car and pulls the elephant out of the hole.The next day, the 2 friends are walking along a dirt path, and this time, the mouse falls into a giant hole. The elephant, not panicking, quickly tosses his dick into the hole,...

Easter Weekend in Lockwinnock Part 2

The adventures of Beth and Aaron continue...Easter Weekend in Lockwinnock Part 2Beth stirred in the bed. There was noise in the kitchen and the smell of fresh brewed coffee. She slowly stretched and drew back the covers. Sitting up she found her terry robe neatly folded at the end of the bed and her slippers at her bedside. Beth slipped them on her feet and smiled. The touch of the soft sheepskin against her toes brought back the memory of the night before. Her left hand involuntarily caressed...

Into to Sissies XX

Authors Note: I love comments... good ones, bad ones, mean ones even. The apparent policy at Fictionmania is that if you can't make positive remarks, then don't make a review. I disagree, at least as far as my stories and chapters are concerned. Please say anything. I am a vain person and just want to know that you've read what I've wrote. You can say I read this and it was dull, or stupid or unbelievable. Whatever. I love comments. Both the current stories and those in the library. And...

Trouble Comes to School

This story was written as a serial on my Yahoo group over a period of several months. Trouble Comes to School By Morpheus Part 1 It was nearly an hour before school yet three figures huddled together behind the football bleachers of Kay Osterman High School. The three boys were alternately known as Geek Squad or the Nerd Patrol among the other students, but today they hoped that was about to change. Martin was the tallest of the three, though he was also the skinniest and...

Me And Sam Chapter 17

Chapter 17 Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? I awoke late on Sunday morning. Not a sound came from Mom's bedroom. I opened her door and peeked inside just to make sure everything was all right. She seemed lost to the world. I went back to my room and put on the clothes that I'd worn yesterday. It was time to mow the lawn. Thinking in some insane way that it might garner Sam's attention, I mowed the lawn using a different pattern yet again. I missed her more than...

Holiday Love Slaves

Hidden in the depths of seeming nothingness in between the substantive universes of living realities dwelt an ancient force of Chaos. It had been since before the dawns of creation for the realities around it. It would look into the various realities and watch the pattern by which they unfolded… and like watching sitcoms over and over the force got bored of the formulaic courses that the realities unfolded in. Natural Order was so predictable, a million realities to investigate and they kept...

She used to be a cheerleader

‘God, I’m hot’ Cathy thought to herself as she shifted in her chair. The August sun poured through the window behind her and made the sunburn she had on the back of her neck hurt even more. Ray Granger, the assistant principal of the high school where she’d attended as a teenager and hoped to be employed as a twentysomething, watched her carefully. His office wasn’t air conditioned, but very few places in the school were. A drop of sweat rolled down...

Treats From The Trickster

One It all started the year I was 14. I had a younger brother and sister who were 9 and 5, and Mom insisted on taking them trick-or-treating-mainly because of my sister. She didn't trust my brother to watch her, and she was only five. That meant I was stuck passing out the candy, considering I had no other plans. There were parties going on, but I hadn't gotten invited. I had no social life at 14. I was pudgy and kind of shy and geeky. So, I passed out the candy. It wasn't so bad. A...

This Really Blows

I shut the metal stall door, and surveyed the nasty Texaco crapper. I knew if I hadn't been so overindulgent with my boozing of earlier, I'd not been forced to stop and pay this lovely place a visit. But it would also serve as a haven for a quick fix of the wrist-jerk variety, so I didn't mind as much as I led on. I just liked to bitch, even if only to my own self. If I wasn't the vain, or masochistic—or both—bastard that I was, I'd have made due with taking care of business by pulling...

Transcending the Role

"Lamawakka high school ain't seen nothing like this, eh?" It was the first day of school, and junior Tomasz Kuzsincsalyi plopped down at the lunch table next to his best friend Josh Wallingford. "Ah, it's a madhouse," Josh replied. "You'd think the king of the world enrolled, or something." "Well, I think it's kinda cool," Kylie Kim said as she sat down. Kylie was Tomasz's girlfriend and one of Josh's best friends. "Hey, who would have ever thought a famous actress would move...

First First Times

“Are we drunk enough to play Tooth or There?” spouted Caroline. Apparently SHE was. “I think we need one more frosty pitcher before I am. THEN I’m willing.” volunteered my always eager wife, Sue. All but Caroline and her new husband, Chuck, had been to our hedonistic gatherings. “But-choo aren’t drunk enough to slur yer werdz!” Sue teased, then as she rose from the thick carpeted floor, she flashed Chuck her panties. His eyes widened and he slyly checked his chubby wife to see if she caught...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 652

Will Rogers once said “There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.” Another RabbiRabbit special: I was almost a Doctor When I was young in 1970’s, I decided I wanted to a be doctor so I took the entrance exam to go to Medical School. One of the questions asked was to rearrange the letters PNEIS into the name of an important human body part which is most useful when...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 741

These are compliments of Mario M. A young fellow got hired by a logging company. He gets out to the ass end of the woods and is in the worst possible logging camp in the world. Surprisingly, everybody is happy to be there. The foreman tells him about the wonderful food and the great medical care and the satellite television and free phone calls. “Best of all, if you ever get horny, see that barrel over there?” he said pointing to a barrel near the bunkhouse. “Yeah,” says the new...

Malachar s CurseChapter 24 Eyeful Tower

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006, Paris, France Blinding sunlight woke me as it streamed in through the wide-open curtains. They were made of white lace, and they lazily danced around like gossamer-thin butterfly wings as a breeze chose that instant to come sighing through. For a moment, I was disoriented and struggled to remember where I was. Then it all came back to me. We were in France. Across from the Eiffel Tower. And there was another ring hidden somewhere in the Louvre of all places. Then...

Jokes and GigglesChapter 915

A cannibal was walking through the jungle And came upon a restaurant operated by a Fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... +Tourist: $5.00 +Broiled Missionary: $10.00 +Fried Explorer: $15.00 +Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, “Why such a high price for the Politicians?” The cook replied, “Have you ever tried to clean one? They’re so full of shit, it takes all morning...” This group...

Hyperactive AlexChapter 5 High School

"Stand still!" his mother ordered. She was biting her lip while checking the length of his long sleeves and the length of his jean legs. Alex supposed he was happy that he was finally growing. He now believed that one day he might even reach his father's 6-foot height. He was now average for his ninth grade. But gaining nearly six inches in twelve months was not easy. His mother's grumbles about replacing his clothing were not too bad. For the most part, buying loose shirts and...

Life Under MistressChapter 2

Losing your loving sexy wife to another man would have been bad enough. Losing her to another woman might have been devastating to any male ego, especially if she was acting out some kinky lesbian sex fantasy she had without including me in it. Losing her to some polyamorous kinky mix of sexes, or even to a BDSM sex dungeon would have been bad for our relationship I guess. BUT NEVER, DO YOU HEAR ME, NEVER in my MOST wildest nightmarish fantasies did I ever even imagine that I could lose my...

LeefsticChapter 23

When the light meal was over we all went back to our own work. Sandra, Megan and I started to clean up the mess and Marina began to assist. We didn't tell her to sit back like a guest and this actually made her feel better. The kitchen was very odd to Marina but did have most of the things she was familiar with. When we were done I said, "Let's sit on the patio then go for a walk." We went out the French doors and Marina found beautiful and ornate furniture just around the corner. She...

KarlaChapter 18

Alfred had done well. After breakfast he handed Elise a thick bunch of pages, texts and pictures alike. "Elise, there is so much to be found, I just printed what I thought to be most relevant. My tiny printer has its limits. It's fascinating stuff, I hardly slept. But also quite frightening, if I am to think that Lexa and I have to start all over. We won't have much time for anything else should we take a liking to the procedures." His chuckle was proof enough. He had recovered. Now for...

The Light Behind The WorldChapter 27 Spirit

In the morning Construct and I spent two hours working again on speaking Taluatu, as we now knew was the proper way of referring to the spoken language. We realized many other fine points like this as we gained familiarity with the common modifications done for conversational purposes. For me, the goal was to speak in unaccented Taluatu, but for Construct it was a matter of eliminating a clipped, toneless artificial quality he tended to fall back on when unsure of his words. I often thought...

Submission 9

If you're just interested in the sex parts, I recommend just reading the beginning and ending portions of the story. If you've been keeping up with the characters, read it all.*When I heard the kitchen door open and shut, I knew that Fred had arrived. I saw him peek around the corner, but all he could see was Beverly sitting nude in the lounge chair. I was sitting on the sofa chewing on my mother's huge tits. I was being a bit rough with her nipples, but I knew how much she loved it, especially...

Magic Ink IV Ken and KellChapter 17

I awoke in the morning to find Sunshine and Rose intertwined, hugging and kissing each other passionately. "It's so good to have you back. I missed you so," Sunshine whispered to her twin. "Yes, it is good to feel your arms around me again," Rose whispered back. It was shortly after this that the Sisters became aware that I was awake. Sunshine appeared to be afraid of me finding them like this. "Please do not draw the wrong conclusion from this, my Ken," she asked looking over at...

Magic Ink IV Ken and KellChapter 5

Characters introduced in this chapter: Greine -- Sunshine Mage, Rose's twin, 5'-1" tall, 108 pounds, 34C-21-23, 16 years old, short red hair, green eyes, some freckles, very cute; thinner when they first met Rose Sunshine's twin Sister - only present in the spirit at this time Master Eogham Master of Glenquin Castle, A tall fat man with a long brown beard and unkempt hair Like Dublin, the Limerick of 2170AC (After Cingetorix - King of the Trerari from the beginning of whose reign...

George Isolde etc Chapter VIII

Chapter VIIISunday morning, after they had all had coffee, Terry and George took the canoe out to go fishing, and Isolde wandered around inside the house, exploring. She found the pull down attic stairway in the upstairs second bedroom, and went up in the attic, just to see what was there. She found several rolled up rugs, and assumed they were in storage until winter. There was an old Electrolux tank vacuum cleaner, and she hauled it, and it’s attachments down into the main house. Maybe I’ll...

Novels

Magic Ink IV Ken and KellChapter 4

Characters introduced in this chapter: Mr. O'Flaherty Harbor Master, a man of average height, but well filled out from good eating. Captain O'Sullivan Captain of the Aine, A medium height, broad Irishman with brown hair and beard Mr. Fin First mate of the Aine, A tall thin man with watery eyes and thinning blond hair Kell and I were up early the next morning after a good night's sleep. After taking care of our morning business, we repacked our backpacks and folded the clothing...

FTL James Flowsman

All rights reserved. No use by pay sites allowed. All other uses require written permission from the author. Do not repost. Edited by TeNderLoin Chapter 1 I was asked to write the story of my life for the great Centauri library of the home world. It seems that I have become someone that others want to know about. I find it hard to believe, myself. However, after I reviewed all the stories written about me, I found that my 4th lifetime was lacking completely in written detail. So I decided...

Magic Ink IV Ken and KellChapter 3

Characters introduced in this chapter: Prince Charles Fredrick FitzGerald Heir to the throne of Leinster, 5'-7" tall, 125 pounds, 24 years of age, brown hair, gray eyes Lady Charelette Augusta Stanhope Eldest Daughter of the Earl of Harrington, 5'-8" tall, 115 pounds, 32A-21-30, 23 years old, blond hair, blue eyes Lady Irene Stanhope Lady Charelette's younger sister, 5'-7" tall, 112 pounds, 32A-20-29, 19 years old, dark blond hair, blue eyes, somewhat cute There was a...

Magic Ink IV Ken and KellChapter 16

We were up early the next morning and packed what we would be taking with us in my backpack and a pair of saddle bags for each of us. The servants must have heard us moving around in the room, as our breakfast arrived soon after we finished packing. Following a decent breakfast, we again turned in our room key before leaving. "We'll be back in a few days. We're still checking on my Wife's Sister," I told the man behind the counter. It wasn't Conner. Bow Lane Gate was already open this...

Midsummer

My love’s hands are deformed. They were deformed at birth. If you see her on the street, or walk up to her at our library’s reference desk, you will see that three fingers on her right hand are shortened and webbed, and her thumb is curiously shaped. Her left hand is more affected—all the digits are stubs, so that it looks something like a paw. On its own your face will swing to her hands. You won’t notice, or will forget, her tired-looking eyes, always tired looking though green and bright,...

But Who Am I Really

My third story, the most ambitious. This one is more romantic and traditional than my previous stories. Perhaps I'll go back to raunchy and weird the next time. Normal Disclaimer Information: Do not read any further if: 1. You are under the age of 18, or 2. You are offended by explicit sexual and/or erotic writing This story describes situations where a man and a woman accidentally switch places, and how they both adjust to their new roles. If this sort of story is...

Mare s Tales 23

Mare's Tales - Chapter 23 ? by: Beverly Taff We arrived at the final dockside in a remote little northern port high in the Scandinavian peninsular. A cruel winter gale had struck and the cold driving rain glittered like diamonds as the harsh dockside lights illuminated its descent. In the gathering puddles, the splash of each raindrop resembled a dazzling ballerina pirouetting in her shimmering quicksilver tutu for the fleeting instant of her brilliant glory. The cruel beauty of...

The Fool

“So the farmer’s kid comes running back home from Maisy’s Whore House, waving the duck his dad had given him to pay for his shot. His father asks him, ‘So, how’d you get on with Maisy, son?’“And the boy starts shaking the duck by the neck and shouting, ‘I got a fuck for a duck, a Duck for a Fuck, ten bucks for ducking a fuck, AND I’VE STILL GOT THE FUCKIN’ DUCK!’”Everyone burst out laughing, some bending double and holding their sides. Jimmie, the storyteller, sat there smiling and laughing...

Horror

Midsummer

My love's hands are deformed. They were deformed at birth. If you see her on the street, or walk up to her at our library's reference desk, you will see that three fingers on her right hand are shortened and webbed, and her thumb is curiously shaped. Her left hand is more affected—all the digits are stubs, so that it looks something like a paw. On its own your face will swing to her hands. You won't notice, or will forget, her tired-looking eyes, always tired looking though green and bright,...

De Minimis Non Curat Lex

There was a young lawyer called Bex, Whose chest was quite flat for her sex; When charged with exposure She replied with composure, "De minimis non curat lex." The limerick sits neatly printed on the wall in our bedroom. The trifles aren't all that small any longer – two pregnancies have taken care of that. Still, they are fairly moderate in size. They were at their absolute peak just when the babies were born. Also on the wall, on either side of the framed limerick, are two...

Duty and Duplicity Book 5 of Poacher s ProgressChapter 24 Bearing gifts to Greeks

Callum Keane arrived in Livorno a day after Sir Boris Crossley’s unexpected visit, and he and I were seated in my office in Fortezza Nuova as Boris briefed us on the forthcoming operation to relocate Lord Byron. “Byron has chartered a vessel to take him to Missolonghi, where he intends rallying all the various Greek factions – currently at each other’s throats rather than at the Turks – under his overall command,” Boris said. “Does Byron have any military training?” I asked, although I...

Magic Ink IV Ken and KellChapter 32

Kellen's narrative continues: The sun was shining on a clear and calm day when we arose only a little late on Thursday morning, the 3rd of July. The remnants of yesterday's storm were long gone, all but the mud in those streets and byways that were unpaved. The swans and their broods had even returned to the river and could be seen through our window. We all cleaned up before dressing and going down to eat. We were in the hotel's dining area having breakfast later when both Sisters...

Magic Ink IV Ken and KellChapter 33

“Yes, we always thought it was a neat place to hide things as kids,” I answered. “But what does it have to do with what you were telling us?” “That is where what we found is being kept,” Ken told us just before a strong box appeared in the room. He sat it on the blanket chest at the end of the bed before opening it. The Sisters and I were shocked when we saw what it contained. Even Rose appeared surprised. “This is the Treasure of the Firbolg Kings. It had a dangerous protective spell on it...

The Vicar of St Dunstan s Ep 01

The first of three episodes a new series about Fr. Alfred, Vicar of St. Dunstan’s. Categorizing these episodes is tough, since there isn’t a ‘Dramedy’ category on this site. Suggestions for future episodes are welcome, if you’d like to see more of Fr. Alfred and his flock. The Quilting Ladies The tri-weekly run ended with a sprint across the high street to the steps of St. Dunstan’s as Charlotte Church sang _Panis Angelicus_ from my iPod. I looked at my watch and was satisfied: a good time...

Glade and Ivory Ch 07

‘I hate the bastards!’ growled Mimosa the following day, employing the worst insult available in the Knights’ language. Illegitimacy was the ultimate stigma in a society that attached so much importance to child-bearing. Glade paused from shaving her fellow slave’s crotch. She was aware of the vehemence of Mimosa’s remark. ‘I hate them too,’ she said, although by now she’d got so accustomed to being a slave in their society that she’d almost forgotten what life had been like before. ‘They...

Deep Secret Ch 03 Easy

Getting laid in a bed with a view of open ocean for miles makes you feel huge in so many ways. It’s as though the vast body of water is yours and yours alone. There’s little else but sky, water, and the beautiful woman who just gave you this enormous rush of pleasure. There’s a limerick that goes something like: In the Garden of Eden lay Adam, Complacently stroking his madam, And large was his mirth, For on all of the earth, Were only two balls and he had ’em. That’s exactly what I felt...

Reservation

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Seamus and Colleen were now married and embarking on the rest of their lives. The church had been decorated out with beautiful flowers, the colour of her choice. Burgundy red roses mixed with cream coloured chrysanthemums.The service flowed and even the congregation had joined in with her chosen hymns. Better yet, the sun joined in and shone down on the happy occasion. Her dress had arrived on time and fitted perfectly.The groom looked immaculate in his...

Humor

Roger The Lodger

God, she was horny! It was difficult to concentrate on her prayers as she knelt by her bed in her long flannel night gown. She gave thanks for the good things in her life, remembered her husband who had passed away three years ago and her two children who were both away in college. She started to get up, remembered something and dropped back to her knees. ‘Also, send me a man. I haven’t had sex with another human since my husband died. Amen.’ She climbed into bed and pulled the covers tight...

The Lustful Truth Ch 04

By Wednesday night, I knew something was wrong. Jon hadn’t stayed over since Thursday, and now, almost a week later, I knew that something wasn’t right. Whenever I tried to talk to him though, he would kiss me on the forehead and tell me he’d talk to me later. Later turned into hours later, then days. ‘Jon, I need to talk to you.’ His back is to me as he files through some papers in a filing cabinet. ‘Uh, yes Bella, just give me a little while.’ He doesn’t look at me, he continues searching,...

Intimacy

On the second evening of the Yangtze River cruise, I slipped on deck and saw two women from our tour group kissing. They had found a niche formed by some superstructure and a lifeboat, where they thought they would be hidden, where they thought they could see anyone who approached. I slid to a shadowed area and watched them kiss. They were roommates, but more, always together. Any time one was there, the other was close. Of course there had been friendly speculation that they were gay, but...

On a cruise romance blooms

I slipped onto deck and saw two women from our tour group kissing. They had found a niche formed by some superstructure and a lifeboat, where they thought they would be hidden, where they thought they could see anyone who approached. I slid to a shadowed area and watched them kiss. They were roommates, but more, always together. Any time one was there, the other was close. Of course there had been friendly speculation that they were gay, but they were circumspect and the speculation was just to...

George ISolde and the Brass Ring Polka Band Ch V

Chapter V Isolde woke up drenched in sweat. The sun was beating down on her and her hair was plastered to her forehead. Her hip ached and she had a crick in her neck from lying on it wrong. She looked at her watch. 9:00 it said. “Damn,” she thought. And then, “I really have to pee.” She sat up and looked around. She was in a field that had recently been mowed. The stubble was about four inches high. There was a woods line about 100 yards to her left. To her right, she could see houses in the...

No Rings She Donned

It was a rainy dreary day in the Pacific Northwest and I was in my favorite coffeehouse working on one of my poetical prose, a lost art of the 15th and 16th century. When this young woman came in that I guessed to be a university student, yet she dressed with class. A tight white sweater, short skirt that showed off her long tanned shapely legs (my weakness.) I looked her over as she stood in line and she looked me over where I sat with a mischievous smile on her full lips. Then I looked at the...

Dog Bitch To Gloryhole Hooker

Introduction: I push my wife to explore her darker fantasies and take her to back room of a sleazy adult bookstore. My wife and I had reached a point in our relationship where we needed to find new sexual territory. We started to play around with domination fetish stuff. After a while we found that she really got off on humiliation and being degraded. So I started giving her orders to tell me her fantasies and she did her best to obey. At first it was all tame and some of it for my amusement...

George Isolde and the Brass Ring Polka Band Ch VI

Chapter VI Making hay was satisfying but monotonous work. It was nice to see the cut hay come off the end of the rake, like a green waterfall, cascading into a long even wave. And it was satisfying to look back and see row after row of mounded hay stretched out across the flat field. At first, Terry had paid close attention to the tractor and rake, worried that something might break, and listening for the telltale rattle of things amiss. But the steady thump-thump of the old two-cylinder Deere...

She was only the Landlord s Daughter

As we get older, birthdays seem less important and, in fact, are something to try and ignore. And presents are often embarrassing, particularly when it comes to saying thank-you.Not always.Last summer, my wife Trish and I set off for a week’s holiday to a little village on the coast of Cornwall. It had been booked months before and although we had planned it to coincide with my birthday, we both forgot and just looked forward to some downtime, relaxation, and I for one was hoping to up our time...

Threesomes

No Mercy

Dear Mom & Dad, It has been a real drag here at college. The people are all in clicks and the professors are even worse. I had great plans of doing as Dad wanted and become a teacher, but the English Lit Professor is the world's biggest ego trip jerk, and told me he was hell-bent desiring to dash my hopes! He wants those not in frat houses to brown nose him at every exam time, or buy him gifts, and he has a list! Although my grades are still acceptable, I thought of looking around at some part...

Damned if

Ever get the feeling you’ve just been stitched...? It’s an unhappy feeling especially when the person doing the stitching is your dearly beloved, your other half. I lead a normal, easy going fairly blameless life these days. Ok, so Sven hasn’t always been entirely good, but, if you pardon the vernacular, for most of the time I’ve been 'gooder' than most - or perhaps lucky and careful not to get caught too often. This time my protestations failed, miserably. Maybe I ought to rewind a tad. My...

Cheating

College Girls Stole My Car

It was 1973 and I had just got out of the Army. My best friend suggested I attend Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, Illinois, to relax and have some fun for a few years. NIU had a reputation as a party school and it sure lived up to that reputation. Every weekend was spent going from one college party after another getting drunk on cheap beer and Boones Farm wine. I won’t even mention how much weed these guys smoked every weekend. My particular vice was drinking whiskey like a real man...

Sister the urinal

I waited in the car for my sister, wondering how I was going to get the smell of piss out of my car.An hour passed.I still waited.Two hours and the bar had closed 15 minutes ago.I couldn't believe her. My little sister, her first week at UT, her first night out on sixth street and she goes and pees her pants in front of everyone. Then she accidentally pees on my girlfriend, well my ex-girlfriend now thanks to Becky, my brat of a sister.I also couldn't believe what I had done. I spent the next...

For Patricia introductions no porn

For Patricia7777,Our opening conversation, at our first-time meeting; over tea in the lobby of the Maldron Hotel, in Limerick; midway between yours and mine: “Hiya Patricia, Hiya William. Hope you’re both well?” as I lean over to shake the hand of each of you. Patricia, your hand is soft and warm, and does not at all betray the hard work you do. William, your hand is firm but friendly. “How was your journey? Did you have to travel far? From Galway or Mayo, or which county?” William replies...

Mermaid non porn

Mermaid Have you ever seen a mermaid? I have. And near Cork, too. It was on a lovely sunny Sunday morning last September. I went out the country, near Macroom, to pick up two girls and go to a kinky bondage rope tying workshop together, near Limerick. They were not ready, as usual, so I drove over to my favourite location in the whole world……..the beautiful Mullinhassig Waterfall, (so much better than Niagra Falls, where the view is obscured by the souvenir shop!). The area is a beautifully...

TICKLE TACKLE

Mornings were never lost on us. Especially spring mornings. Early. In ourreverie. Early in the day when poetry made trees greener than the daybefore. And grass more springy and fuller and richer seeming. More thanloam. And the beauty of the sky was crystal fragrance. As has never beenbefore. And the joy at ties of rainbows or chandelier dawns was that theywere shared together. And we touched up in our morning bed. Stretched ourhands and found each other, close and closer still. Not had to sail...

No Rings She Donned

It was a rainy dreary day in the Pacific Northwest and I was in my favorite coffeehouse working on one of my poetical prose, a lost art of the 15th and 16th century. When this young woman came in that I guessed to be a university student, yet she dressed with class. A tight white sweater, short skirt that showed off her long tanned shapely legs (my weakness.) I looked her over as she stood in line and she looked me over where I sat with a mischievous smile on her full lips. Then I looked at the...

Wife Lovers

Pretty in Pink

Pretty in Pink A limerick by Busko A wife from Salt Lake City said to her crosddressing man, "'Kitty'," "don't you look so sad." "I'm not at all mad," "because in pink, you look so pretty!"

Kalliope

Kalliope By Jacquie Windsor [email protected] (c)January 5, 2002 Part One Agent Lowry tried to rub the mustard stain out of his slacks as he waited for the Superintendent to arrive for the early morning meeting. He just noticed the ochre spot after he entered his boss's office. He had woken up late, skipped shaving, munched down a half- eaten hotdog that he'd thrown in the fridge the night before, and grabbed a tablespoon of unmixed instant coffee, forcing the substitute...

Parodies in Pink

This may be archived anywhere, in full or just-a-few. Remember though to give credit to where credit is due. Parodies in Pink By Pretzelgirl ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: Thayer and French, Service and Moore; How to acknowledge these poets galore? From Shel Silverstein to the great Doctor Seuss Like goddesses ancient, they are my muse. Then Jennifer Adams and also Bill Hart, Inspired this somewhat; they did their part. My debt to these authors must be confessed: "Without whom I couldn't...

Cross Dressed Fairy Tales 3 The Adventures of Pierrot

Cross-Dressed Fairy Tales Part 3 By Dawn DeWinter In parts 1 and 2, Sherry and Sadie, two married men, went to a lesbian bar on their "girl's night out." There they came into the clutches of Mike and Big Sue, and are in danger of being raped - or worse - if Sherry cannot keep Big Sue entertained with "original" stories. This task has just become a mite more difficult with the arrival of two more people. Can they too be kept satisfied? Part 3 is based on Pinocchio, the story of the...

Even Trade

Allison groaned slowly on hands and knees as her husband's softening member slipped out from her stretched, dripping pussy. A dribble of cum ran down her thigh as she panted heavily, trying to catch her breath and slow the spinning room. She collapsed, immersing herself into the satin sheets of their bed. She basked in the warmth of her fourth - or was it her fifth? - climax of the night. Travis finished wiping his cock with a tissue from their nightstand. He reached down, and with a...

David s Plight Part II

Sue's email was giving her the details of Kathy's activity for the evening. No sooner than Sue had left, Kathy contacted Helen in Europe pretending to be Sue. She asked about the details of both the lingerie and the hot rollers. She asked if Helen still wanted them. Helen said she had not used any of those items before and would be happy to give them away. Kathy had also read Sue's emails and was able to mimic Sue's style. She told Helen that David had acted out a little in the...

Unexpected change

*Please excuse the terrible grammar and spelling if you can bare through it I do believe you will enjoy the story* It was mid way though my senior year. I never had a girlfriend. Maybe for lack of effort or maybe just because I never really knew how to talk to any of them, until I tried out for the school play earlier this year. I had gotten a small part but that was ok with me, since I was never very social. So when I went to the after party and people had actually interacted with me...

George Isolde etc Chapter XVIII

Chapter XVIII Wednesday morning, they all three awoke at the crack of dawn. Isolde wondered if their new-found camaderie, or maybe love had recharged all of them, and made them want to wake up early, to be together.George spoke first, saying, “Good morning, you two. I love you guys.” Then, springing out of bed, and turning toward Isolde, he said, “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna hop in the shower first, so I can get my ass off to Glen Burnie.”“Are you sure you don’t want company?” Isolde asked,...

Novels

George Isolde and the Brass Ring Polka Band Ch VI

Chapter VI Making hay was satisfying but monotonous work. It was nice to see the cut hay come off the end of the rake, like a green waterfall, cascading into a long even wave. And it was satisfying to look back and see row after row of mounded hay stretched out across the flat field. At first, Terry had paid close attention to the tractor and rake, worried that something might break, and listening for the telltale rattle of things amiss. But the steady thump-thump of the old two-cylinder...

Novels

George ISolde and the Brass Ring Polka Band Ch V

Chapter V Isolde woke up drenched in sweat. The sun was beating down on her and her hair was plastered to her forehead. Her hip ached and she had a crick in her neck from lying on it wrong. She looked at her watch. 9:00 it said. “Damn,” she thought. And then, “I really have to pee.” She sat up and looked around. She was in a field that had recently been mowed. The stubble was about four inches high. There was a woods line about 100 yards to her left. To her right, she could see houses in the...

Novels

Seven Short Stories of Sodomy and Sadism

Author's NoteNot every story is meant to be an epic. Sometimes the core of a story, the parts that really matter, only needs a single scene or two to be complete, and to add anything more would diminish the whole.This is a collection of such tales. Seven vignettes, each of them generally dark and unpleasant. One of them rhymes. They are all small and self contained, and hopefully you will find them to your taste. Enjoy! ContentsSmile (S01) - A kidnapper chats with his latest prize. Story...

24 hours from Tulse Hill

Abby had always been a good girl. She’d been Head Girl at school, studied hard, got the grades she needed and was accepted into a very good university. She was pretty too, long straight blonde hair, ice-blue eyes and a cute petite figure. Now, at university, some people thought her a bit boring and uptight but little did they know.Another message had come through whilst she was in a lecture. The crudeness made her blush and her knickers dampen at the same time. She looked at it again. “You are...

Group Sex

Reservations

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Seamus and Colleen were now married and embarking on the rest of their lives. The church had been decorated out with beautiful flowers, the colour of her choice. Burgundy red roses mixed with cream coloured chrysanthemums. The service flowed and even the congregation had joined in with her chosen hymns. Better yet, the sun joined in and shone down on the happy occasion. Her dress had arrived on time and fitted perfectly. The groom looked immaculate in...

Damned if

©2001 Ever get the feeling you've just been stitched...? It's an unhappy feeling especially when the person doing the stitching is your dearly beloved, your other half. I lead a normal, easy going fairly blameless life these days. Ok - so Sven hasn't always been entirely good - but, if you pardon the vernacular, for most of the time I've been 'gooder' than most - or perhaps lucky and careful not to get caught too often. This time my protestations failed - miserably. Maybe I ought...

Wipe Off the Lipstick

A worried young man from Stamboul Found blotchy red spots on his tool. Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic, and wipe off the lipstick, you fool!" No, I'm not from "Stamboul". Unless you're a history freak, or a fan of Graham Greene, you're unlikely to know this old name for Istanbul. I certainly didn't until I looked it up after finding the limerick. And while I'm sure you can be George (or something equivalent) in Turkish, my ancestry is British (whatever that...

XENA Aphrodite s Revenge

Introduction This is the story of a time, long ago, A time of myth and legend. When the ancient Gods were petty and cruel, And they plagued mankind with suffering. A time when the true nature of sexual pleasure Remained a mystery to mankind. They knew nothing of sexual organs, And the pleasure that lay hidden within... This is the story of Gabrielle's discovery of that mysterious realm of sex. Chapter 1 - Prologue This story is a sequel to an actual episode aired on the television...

Neighbourhood Slut

Copyright© 2003 The limerick is furtive and mean; You must keep her in close quarantine, Or she sneaks to the slums And promptly becomes Disorderly, drunk, and obscene. -- Morris Bishop I wasn't a virgin when Genie McCloud seduced me. If anything I was like a piece of blank paper - just ready for the story to be written upon. Consider this abridged tale my story. Genie McCloud took me and used up the abundant sexual energy that I was filled with and taught me so many wonderful...

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