Lame Joke indian porn

Some Joke

My name is Jim, and I began my story in "A Joke," which was posted by Agena. If you haven't read that yet, please hunt it down and read it. It'll help you understand this story. Go ahead. I'll wait. In "A Joke," I was torn over what to believe about Flo, my wife of 23 years, and my jokester next-door neighbor, Roger Kubiak. Roger and his pretty, buxom wife Alice had moved into the big house next door about five years ago. In many ways we'd become pretty good friends. We were of...

Cosmic Joke

Eric Otten and I (Raven) have been working on a true collaboration on this story. We'd like to believe that it's coming out very well. This story contains adult themes, and some graphic scenes. If you do not like this sort of thing you should not read this. The purpose of this story is not to offend as recent private e-mails to me have implied. The copyright is the possessed by the authors alone. there should be no reposting, etc., without the express consent of the...

A Joke

‘It was just a joke.’ she told me and he tried to back her up, but my perception of the whole episode was such that I couldn’t believe her. It was so real at the time and they didn’t have any way of proving it hadn’t happened or that maybe that it had happened for real before. If my perception was that they did it and I couldn’t believe that it was just a joke then I couldn’t live with my wife of 23 years anymore. I guess I’d better tell you the story so you can understand my dilemma. Just the...

The Joke

The Joke By Margaret Jeanette Sonia Livingston was going over last month's report. The company had done better than it had ever done before. Her eight women had done a great job and were setting things up to grow some more. She marveled at how her husband, Jerry had done the report so it was easy to read. He had the office next to hers and he took care of all the financial matters. Her happiness was interrupted when Katie Swanson came in. Katie was obviously upset and sat down...

A Joke

"It was just a joke." she told me and he tried to back her up, but my perception of the whole episode was such that I couldn't believe her. It was so real at the time and they didn't have any way of proving it hadn't happened or that maybe that it had happened for real before. If my perception was that they did it and I couldn't believe that it was just a joke then I couldn't live with my wife of 23 years anymore. I guess I'd better tell you the story so you can understand my dilemma....

What Started As A Joke

What Started As A Joke My name is John, and I'm going to tell you about what went on at a Saint Patrick's day party. But to do that I have to go back about a week or so. You see I work at a company with several attractive women, and I've been working with the same women for several years now. And when you spend more time with people you work with, you learn some intimate details about them. On a normal afternoon Stephanie, a blonde girl I work with who has a nice pair of breasts on her,...

The world s longest story joke

in the World * * * Lost in the Desert So, there's a man crawling through the desert. He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out...

The world s longest joke

in the World * * * Lost in the Desert So, there's a man crawling through the desert. He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out...

A poetic story and a joke

I have been going through a terrible time for so many years.I can't go into details about what happened to me, because I'm not supposed to.One day I will tell my wives about it. One day we will all lie in bed together and talk of the things I suffered.But allow me to describe those many sexual events in a poetic way.It was like being in a plane piloted by a fool. A girl. He parents are the best of their generation. I was still a baby when they were making history.They could not accept that...

Office Joke

Valentine's Day: the day of roses and hearts and chocolates and romantic candlelit dinners. When people proposed marriage and professed undying love. Arabella sighed, staring unseeing into her bowl of cornflakes as they succumbed to their milky grave and turned to soggy goop. Funny how a date on a calendar could open the pit of despair that lived somewhere near her stomach. It had to be near her stomach. She'd been reasonably hungry until she'd noticed the date and the pit opened. Her...

No Joke

I have to disagree with you. Race is not a real problem these days. Nothing compared to what it was years ago, certainly. And it was a lot worse than that before my time, from what I have read and heard from people -- black or white -- who are older than I am. There are people who make their living by stirring others up, so there is still conflict, but most of us get along pretty well. The races often lead separate lives, but what do you want? And there are a lot of exceptions...

Lamentations of a PSO

I mean, I do this for a living, you know? Don’t get me wrong, it can be fun, in fact, it’s mostly fun. But there are some days, and some callers, who drive you absolutely crazy. I understand fetishes, hell that’s my job, and I’m damned good at it, if I do say so myself. But for Christ’s sake, there are just some things I can’t do. Which brings me to this dilemma. I’ve got this one caller, he seems nice enough, he’s a regular and he’s been calling a while. But he’s got this obsession...

Flamenco Beach Part 4

Two weeks after my idyllic affair with Alfonso took off, we were steadily meeting in secret as expected. That first weekend, his wife had to visit her sister, who lived in the main island, so we had all that time to ourselves. We spent those couple of days fishing, cooking, drinking and having deep conversations; between, of course, very intense intimate sessions.After that weekend, depending on the situation and availability, we would meet at the project's office, my hotel room, or would drive...

Flamenco Beach Part 2

I was totally drained after a stranger pushed me to new sexual horizons. It was a good thing that my mid-twenties body could assimilate such abuse. Yes, it was a rough lesson, but after he was done with me and left my room, even though I ended up quite battered, once in bed, I slept soundly through the night until the following day. The next morning, I attempted to get off bed to go to work, but my body was a bit achy. My rectum was really sore. Eventually, by mid-morning, I slowly managed...

Elamehs night out Pt 2

so Now it was Sat morning as i had my encounter with my first shemale as i woke up and heard some noise in the apt..i hear Nancy talking on the phone. i assume it was her by the way her heels were clicking against the floor. i just laied in the bed. and then the door opend up and ther she was, standing there with black latex boots with 8in heels and a black latex top with her breasts fully errect. long blonde hair that was stunning. all i could do was look at her. she stood there talking on...

Elamehs night out

I Finally Got A Chance To Dress Up And Go Out My Wife Dosent Know Bout This She Went Away For The Weekend To Connecticut So I Dressed Up In One Of her Dresses And Finally Went To A gay bar Called The Cubby Hole In Manhattan NY http://xhamster.com/photos/view/2889342-47848481.htmlIt Was A Nice Spring Night. So Off i Went To Finally Find A She Male. Oh By the Way I Have A Thong On And A 8in Butt plug Up My Mancunt.So I Hopped On The train To West 12st, And Let me Tell You It Was Great To See All...

Elamehs night out

finaly i had time for myself..my fiancé finally went away to Conn for the weekend friday morning. so i had all day to prepare.i started that eve to get dressed in her clothes.http://xhamster.com/photos/view/2889342-47848480.html#imgTopthis is what i wore..i have my 12 in butplug up my mancunt.. it was about 12 amso i left to go to to A Gay Club In Lower Manhattan. i slipped out the back door so no one could see me and caught a cab. then i hopped on the train to the city. i felt so free that no...

Flamenco Beach

It was 4:30 PM on another gorgeous, yet dull Tuesday afternoon in Culebra, the municipality island off the eastern coast of the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico.As usual, after a long day at the new water treatment plant construction site, the only way to end it was spending the last daylight hours lying back at Flamenco Beach. It was time for my daily soul therapy. I had been lodging at the secluded Flamenco Beach Hotel for the last week and a half. Like I had done since the day of my arrival, I...

Lameya and her gentleman

Lameya turned off the lights—there wasn’t much else she could turn off. She stood before the bed, drenched in the honey-toned light of the candles. Her milky white skin seemed to glow in the semi-darkness, and her dark eyes and hair glinted gold. She took a long, lustful look at the gentleman on her bed before slowly parting her wine-colored lips to speak. And when she spoke, the words that blew past that luscious mouth were like subdued orgasmic screams—very breathy, and...

Lamentations

The air circulates. Grasses, brown and arid in this semi-desert land, move with the breeze. Inside body armour it matters not a jot. Sweat trickles down your back, your chest ... irritatingly around your groin. So you wait. Stand as ordered, formed in a regulation square. And wait to hear what platitudes shall be offered. Crap, of course. Total crap. We were told that we would be holding the line. A very fresh faced young officer, doing the telling, still looking rumpled from the brief...

Emperor Joker

"Mmmh ooh, good morning master. Please allow your slut please you," sighed a soft voice that came from somewhere underneath the sheets of his giant bed. Her hushed pleas woke the maniacal jester up by gently humming him awake, cheeping like a pretty little songbird's charming song. One whose whorish tongue was busy licking his funny bone. He felt the girl's hot breath as her spit began to cloak him. The way she was whispering and whimpering was all transferred through her tongue, expressing so...

It started as a joke

It started off as a joke, one of those throw away comments after receiving a Text Messenger Video.The image of all those cocks swinging from side to side obviously triggered a spark inside her head, as the team of twenty guys ran around a track beside a large field. The size and lengths of their cocks was impressive, especially when the camera zoomed in for a close up of the main group and showed their long and thick cock shafts bouncing off one thigh across to the other, with each stride.A...

The Butt of the Joke

Cigarettes, gotta love em. least ways I do. Without them I couldn't make a living. While most families make well under 10,000 a year, half a million is a bad year for me, and 1st class food and lodgings comes with the job. I help people quit smoking the easy way, without any of the unpleasantness of nicotine withdraw. That's a good thing, with any form of tobacco illegal in 37 states, and in the 15 that do allow you to smoke, the permit costs over 5,000 credits a year. Getting caught...

hindi adult joke

**Larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hay** Girl to boy: Tum larkay kisi larki mei sub se pehlay kia daikhte ho ? Boy: Yeh tou depend karta hai k larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hai … **Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan /viraan jagah chaltey hain!** Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan /viraan jagah chaltey hain! Girl:tum aisi-waisi harkat to nahi karoge? Boy:bilkul nahi! Girl:to phir rehne do… **Itnay saray bachay aik sath** Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay? Kid: Miss agar aap road...

FUNNY JOKES

joker: "Ok pronounce.. M.A.C. D.O.U.G.L.E.S.S" fool: "Its pronounced MacDougless" joker: "Ok now pronouce M.A.C. D.O.U.B.L.E." fool: "Ok MacDouble" joker: "Last one now pronouce M.A.C. H.I.N.E " fool: "Ok MacHine" (sounds like mac hind) joker: Points at old house phone and says "Now what is that?" fool: "An answering machine" joker: "Ok now spell machine" fool: "Ok? M.A.C.H.I.N.E. " joker: "Yup you just spelled MAC...

Depression SoupChapter 8 Bad Jokes

The rest of the winter, starting right after New Year's Day, the weather turned unseasonably cold. The deep muddy ruts had formed when there was a thaw and then froze up again. They were so deep Pa could let go of the steering wheel and the old truck seemed to steer itself. Although the county commissioners had decided to grade the road smooth in the springtime there was little to be done when it was so cold like it was right then. Even though it was the middle of the week we had little we...

It Started Out as Just a Joke

So off I went down town to the porn shop. As I went in they checked my ID and I asked them which way there pocket pussies were. I walked up to the shelf and started to sort through them visually, occasionally touching one to feel the texture. I soon realized after talking to the cashier that they didn’t have the pocket pussy I wanted and all the others were 4 times the price. That’s when I saw a different kind of toy that cost just less than two of my toys for my brother and I. The name...

Joker

Der Himmel über Gotham City verdunkelt sich, ein Gewitter zieht auf. Bedrohlich grollt es zwischen den schwarzen Wolken, als plötzlich ein Blitz nieder saust und einen großen Baum in zwei Teile zerlegt. Die Luft riecht verbrannt, Rauch breitet sich aus und liegt schwer auf der Zunge. Brennende Äste stürzen auf das kleine Wachhäuschen am Eingang des Arkham Asylums. Gelächter, Schreie und Wimmern dringt aus dem Inneren der Anstalt. Plötzlich Schüsse und das Splittern von Glas. Ein Schatten...

Sex Joke

Introduction: Quick little jokes/comebacks. As confused as a infant in a titty bar.As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market.Q. What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?A. The longer you play with them, the harder they get.Q. What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn't?A. A navel.Q. What is the difference between a woman and a washing machine?A. You can bung your load in a washing machine and it won't call you a week later.Q. Why did god create Adam...

flames as Paris

The first time I saw her was at a small Parisian bistro, walking distance from the Louvre. Le Petit Flore on Rue Croix des Petits Champs, a favorite of mine. Unpretentious and inexpensive. The day had been moody, despite being the first day of summer. It was, in fact, that moodiness which first drew me to her, the sun suddenly bursting from the clouds, illuminating her, setting her fiery mane ablaze. The sudden image of a moth fluttering too near a candle flame gave me but a moment’s pause as I...

Men Jokes

One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?""The good news," replied Adam."Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain.""OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?""I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."Why are men so bad at sex and driving?Because the bastards always pull out with no thought of who else might be coming.What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath...

Getting fucked by a joke

I played football my freshmen year but had quit because i though the coach was an ass. I was working out usually in the gym in my school, to get in shape ( i was never the skinniest on the team). I was hanging out with my friends getting changed in the locker room. I am about 6 feet tall and 150 pounds with a lot of muscle. I have some stomach flab but abs are coming through. I have bright blue eyes and brown hair. My name is Ethan. The way the locker room is set up in my school is it has...

tell me if you like this joke

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said >> " So why are you here ? " The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the k**s. But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black Lab said, " So what?s the vet going to do ? " " Gonna cut my nuts off " came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They...

25 ANNIVERSARY JOKE

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

DIRTY JOKE

A MOTHER AND SON WAS WALK DOWN THE ROAD THE MOTHER SAW A SEX HOUSE SHE TURNED TO HER SON AND SAID DON'T U EVER GO IN THERE. HE GOES OK MOM. ONE DAY JUST WALKING HOME AND HE CAME PASS THE SEX HOUSE THIS SMOKING HOT BLONDE SAYS DO U WANNA COME IN HE SAYS I CAN'T I CAN'T MY MAM SAYS SHE GOES I WONT TELL. HE GOES ALRIGHT THEN SO HE GOES IN. SHE SAYS DO U WANT TO GO UP STAIRS HE SAYS I CAN'T I CAN'T MY MAM SAYS. SHE SAYS I WONT TELL. SO HE SAYS ALRIGHT. SO THEY GO UP AND THE SAYS TO WANNA HAVE SEX...

christmas joke

3 men die on xmas eve, to get into heaven st peter says u must have sumthing on u that represents xmas, the english man flicks a lighter and says its a candle, st peter lets him pass,, welsh man pulls out a set of keys and jingles them and says they r bells, st peter lets him pass, the irish man pulls out a G string and st peter says how the fuck do they represent xmas?? Paddy said they're carols

Joke

Little Johnny's teacher got up in front of the class and announced they were going to play a guessing game! The teacher said, "I have something behind my back. It's red in color and round. It's soft, but it's hard."Johnny raised his hand and said, "I know, it's a red rubber ball." The teacher said, "No Johnny, it's an apple, but I like the way that you think."The teacher grabbed another object and put it behind her back. "I have something behind my back. It's orange in color and round. It's...

The little boy with his trainset joke

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want...

Joke

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred pounds just to see one."Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred pounds! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He...

Joke

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, Gets up and starts stripping in front of...

Joke

A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book. As he’s reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area. He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused and, assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement before going further, Gets up and starts stripping in front of...

joke

litlle girl and his father in the park!girl; look dady the dog's fucking!dady; do'not see there,i'ts not for you!!girl; i' know,buth make me so hard..........

Kannada joke

Boy:Ninna chapli tumba channagive Girl:chapli tegila? Boy:haage ninna skirt kooda channagide.,

StopwatchChapter 14 College Is a Bad Joke

Our professors had zero grasp of the real world. Absolutely none. Plan a construction project and don't save funding for the Union bosses, the building inspectors, even the cop on the beat? Everyone wants their vigorish. Nothing will pass if there's even anything left to work with when the cop looks the other way. No bribes for the Union ... your plumbing pipe goes missing, even the carpenters NAILS are gone. Or someone "accidentally" sprays water on them and they rust ... since you...

Flames of LifeChapter 02

A group of people gather in the break-room to prepare for their mid-morning break. Snacks come out of bags and the fridge, hot cups of tea, coffee, chocolate, and various cold drinks are made or taken out of the fridge. People sit down at the tables and they talk in low voices so as to not disturb the others too much. The sound of the radio murmurs away in the background. They eat and drink for several minutes. All talking stops when a voice on the radio calls for a response by fire-fighters...

Clowns To The Left Of Me Jokers

The Story I’m going to tell you is about Love, Lust, and Fucking your Best Friend. Of course… it never does start out that simply, does it? I was cursing every force in the universe that had gone into creating HER, every sexual urge, every ungodly act, every evolutionary leap that had brought about her existence. I cursed the ground she strode upon, the air she exhaled, the very sky above her, that was about her through no fault of it’s own. To hate the sky, what a thing to do! And all over...

Flames Of The Soul

Lying next to the fire I am enraptured by the flames. The way they dance against the green marble, reminding me of lovers embracing as they waltz. My mind wanders, thinking back to such embraces, and longing for them once again. Letting my eyes flutter closed, I rest my head against my arm, my body curled slightly on the white fur rug beneath me. As the soft white satin of my gown caresses my skin, the warmth of the fire in front of me soaks through, warming my soul. My ears tuned only to the...

Flames of LifeChapter 07

The dinner conversation on Ernie’s second Tuesday at the farm is on what Jason’s daughter, Linda, can take to school for her turn at ‘Show and Tell.’ A big issue with this program is so many of the students are farm kids with limited options of what to bring in, so it’s hard to find something another child hasn’t taken in over the last couple of years. It’s because of this each child has to do this just once a year due to the program being one child in each class once a week for each week of...

Lament for Amy

I’ve punted this story into the non-erotic category because it has no direct sex – some is inferred though. Overall the story is dark and sad. I hope this does not put you off reading it though. I believe it contains all the elements of a good short story including a sharp twist at the end. It is entirely a product of my imagination. Any resemblance the characters have to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. Amy ‘Lianne? Shelley Johnston here.’ ‘Hi, Shelley. How are you?’ ‘Fine...

Dirty Jokes

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells niceQ: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? A: Your job still sucks! Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist!Q: How do you kill a circus clown?A: Go for the juggler!Q: Why couldn't they get the dead mans casket lid shut?A: Because he overdosed on viagra!Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?A: Because his wife died!Q:...

Flames of Desire

The flames dance along the wall as the fire flickers. Sending waves of warmth around us as we stand illuminated in the soft glow of the burning embers. You gently pull me to the floor. The fire flickering off our bodies as a lover’s touch would caress the soul. We gaze deeply into each other’s eyes and recognize the burning desire within their depths. With the cool soft fur of the bearskin rug caressing us as we lay there surrendering to the touch of each other. I hear a sigh escape your lips...

Perverted Jokes

Introduction: These are funny,perverted, and just wrong all at the same time.A Penis StudyIn 1991, Duke University funded a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the Man more pleasure during sex. After Duke published the study, Stanford decided to do their own study. After three years of research and $250,000.00, they concluded that the reason was to give...

BrattySis Rose Winters Stepsisters A Joker

Rose Winters has decided to prank her stepbrother, Jay Romero. She starts screaming in pain as she puts her shorts on until Jay comes running. Rose tells Jay that she’s got her pubic hair stuck in the zipper and then begs him to put his hand down her shorts to help her out. Jay reluctantly does as Rose asks, only for Rose to grab his hand and start yelling for her mom to try to get him in trouble. Jay tells Rose he’ll do anything she wants if she’ll stop trying to get her in...

Flames

This is a completely fictional story and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. So, I’m resubmitting this story because I made a mistake in my first submission where I put a bit of part two into the file that I uploaded. I’ve removed that part and fixed a few minor errors I made in the story. Also, I’ve scrapped the original second part and am rewriting it completely since most of the surprise is pretty much already ruined. I appreciated all the comments I...

FLAMES Chapter 3

“Well Mother, I don’t have a real girlfriend to spend my allowance on, so we stopped at Victoria’s Secret for Roxy and Maurice’s for me.” “Why don’t you show us something you got for your sister, son?” Dad said in quiet anticipation. I walked into her room and suggested the red dress and her tallest heels. After a few moments I stepped up and announced, “Lady and Sir, I give you Roxanne Marie Flame in a red dress that will take your breath away!” With the start of ‘Lady in Red,’ (on my...

The best sex jokes

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221." # 8 A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the...

Dirty Jokes

So a plane is about to take off and all of the passengers have settled into their seats, and an air stewardess is giving a demonstration on how to use the floatation devices and the pilot is giving his usual spiel through the intercom. "We'll be traveling at 35,000 feet today at a speed of 575 miles per hour..." He finishes saying this and then, without realizing the intercom is still on, turns to his co-pilot and says, "You know what I could really use right about now? A nice hot cup of coffee...

xxx jokes

Wife to her husband: janu meri blouse utaro.. AB aisa karo mera ghaghra bhi utaro. Ab dono undergarments bhi utaar do. Aur khabardar Jo aaj k baad mere kapde pehne to Ek Aurat Subah hote hi mohalle ke doctor ke paas gayi aur boli, Kya mere pati ko viagra tum ne di thi? Dr: Ji Memsaab. Lady: Toh Madarchod, CHOOT bhi apni BIWI ki hi deni thi na…!!! TEACHER: 1 drop of sperm is equal to 100 drops of blood. STUDENT: To fir miss aap hamara khoon kyon chusti hai, direct Lund chuso na.. Saali: Mini...

1939 The New AgencyChapter 9 Jokes

The producer and director had been in several conferences over the day. Money, time and whom they could get to replace Michael were the issues. The producer's backers had been very upset. It was the fact that Michael had been murdered that had upset them. The money, extra time needed hadn't fazed them a bit. That was odd but the director and producer didn't question their good fortune. After he hung up, the producer and director tried to come up with actors that might be available and...

Blame it on Pattaya 1

"My god Fred... quick, look over there in the pool! Look at that slut! Can you believe what she's doing? Have you ever seen anything like it?" Lifting my head from my pool towel, I looked over towards where Marge was staring and felt a lustful ache begin to grow deep in my balls. Standing waist deep in the water, one of the hotel guests I'd noticed earlier, an attractive woman with bobbed jet-black hair in her early forties was looking over in our direction and what's more, she was naked from...

Blame it on the Potion

Blame it on the Potion By Deputy Duffy The light coming from the laboratory flooded into the darkened hallway. Aleggy blonde stood in the shadows, watching the lone figure intently. "Workinglate again Fran?" Fran heard the question and the teasing way the beautiful blonde asked it,but she didn't respond, as was her way of late. (She knew that she would indeedbe working late, in the laboratory, once again. It had been nearly six monthssince she came to work for Dr. Winker and she had seemingly...

Blame It On Monica

Well, I couldn’t blame it on anyone else!I mean, there I was, off on a course for a few days, staying in a sleepy little archetypal English village. Next door was a pub, next to that was the church, dating from the 1100s, next to that another pub. One called the Swan, the other the George and Dragon. The Bed & Breakfast overlooked the village green - more typically English would be quite impossible to imagine. Except that the housekeeper in my old English Guest-house was actually Hungarian....

BLAME IT ON THE MISTLETOE

Blame It On The MistletoebyIgnoble©It was Christmas morning and, like so many other families all around the world, the Ferguson's had risen early to meet it.Still dressed in her bathrobe and carrying a steaming mug of coffee, Polly made her way slowly through the house as she tried to shake loose the cobwebs. Why was it that the older one got, the earlier morning seemed to come? She chose to take the long way around her suburban home to give herself as much time as possible to wake up, but...

Blame It On Bangkok 8211 Blossoming Of A Girl To Sexy Woman

I don’t know how to put it. Should I blame my parents or should I praise them. After long thinking I am convinced that I have to praise them. That one trip to Thailand with my parents changed me. It helped me to experiment the true world of happiness with gift of nature. The year 2000. I was then only 11 years old and my parents planned a vacation to Bangkok. Phuket and Pattaya. For them I was still a small girl. But I had matured a year ago and had started to understand the secrets of human...

Blame It on the Rain

Blame It on the RainLea hated thunderstorms; positively hated them. Growing up in the Midwest they were portends of tornados and those were bad. Even on Long Island they could be harbingers of Nor'easters and of crashing waves, floods and damage.It was a hot night in July, the television had warned of a possible thunderstorm, luckily Lea's 18-y.o. daughter Beth was at lacrosse camp in Connecticut; Beth hated storms as much as her mom and would be freaking out. Lucky also her son Dan had decided...

BLAME IT ON JAMES BROWN

Note to reader: This story has a slow build, so if you are looking for a quickie you want to read another and come back later. Thanks. September 1975, Denver Daniel had a big decision to make. And he had to make it soon. He was sitting in a lecture hall, lost in a daydream while waiting for the professor to arrive so class could begin. Daniel was beginning his sophomore year as an engineering major, and the fall semester was only three days old. His dilemma, and the big decision that was...

Blame it on James Brown Part 2 of 2

They held each other for a time, her head on his shoulder and his arm around her. Dixie had gotten some sleep after she’d left the radio station, but she was already spent. Daniel was exhausted and nodded off. Dixie eased herself out of the bed, put on her robe and went to the kitchen to finish making breakfast. Her man could sleep, and whenever he awoke his meal would be ready.----When Daniel awoke it was after eleven. Dixie was gone, but left him a note. It said that she’d gone to church and...

Blame It on Monica

Well I couldn't blame it on anyone else! I mean, there I was off on a course for a few days, staying in a sleepy little archetypal English village. Next door was a pub, next to that was the church, dating from the 1100's, next to that another pub. One called the Swan, the other the George and Dragon. The bed & breakfast overlooked the village green — more typically English would be quite impossible to imagine. Except that the housekeeper in my old English Guest-house was actually...

Flames Ch 02

So, I shall begin by apologizing for that stupid mistake on the first part. You’ll have to omit the last part of part 1 (The part after Erin and the narrator cuddle). That was part of Part 2, which I have decided to rewrite completely. So, based on the ratings of my first story, I’m guessing that my very first erotic story was received very well. I originally wasn’t going to make more than two parts, but I’ve already started work on part 3, and part 4 flashes through my mind every now and...

Flames Ch 04

Here’s the conclusion to the story of Erin. I originally wasn’t going to write a conclusion, but I had a little spare time during summer so here it is! Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. It would help if you read the parts before this, but it’s not completely necessary. There will just be some small holes missing. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. It had been about a month since the events at the library and the thing that had kept my mind up that night was the same...

Flames Ch 03

So, this is part 3 of my series. It’s a pretty fun part because it has the narrator and Erin getting more experimental and crazy. The reason it’s been so delayed is that my classes really kicked my butt and I wasn’t able to write much if at all. But, I finally have it done, so enjoy! On Saturday, Erin came over to my apartment unannounced. Needless to say, it was a welcomed intrusion. She was wearing a green sundress that perfectly complimented her eyes. Her hair was glowing in the intense...

Flames Of Passion

“Do you guys serve any food?” I meekly asked the bartender, while I tried to settle myself on a particularly uncomfortable stool.He stared at me, scrunching his eyebrows a little, and turned away. I must have looked like an absolute tourist, because the regulars glanced over at me, shaking their heads. He reached under the counter to grab a canister of mixed peanuts and unceremoniously poured them into a Styrofoam bowl. He didn’t say a word after sliding it across the counter, but instead left...

FLAMES Chapter 2

When dad came through the front door, he had a big smile on his face again. With a quick dinner on the table, we ate and found out that his deal has a $5000 bonus if he can be there in the next 30 days. They must really want him! Mom agreed it was too good to pass up, so after dinner she called her best friend at ReMax to come over and look at our place, for evaluation purposes. Roxy and I had agreed it was an awesome motivator to help give Dad a running start at the new job. After dinner...

FLAMES Chapter 4

In the shower we talked about some of the things we said end it ended up with a wallfuck! We fell asleep in each other’s arms. I love her so damn much!!! After our nap (3 hours) we walked out and heard a small kerfuffle of applause, mostly guys. Then I said, “Please meet my wife, sister, and mother Roxanne! She is 38C-23–34.” I paused for her separate applause. Her turn; “This stud is George, my husband, daddy, and brother in between the sheets, a perfect lover!” Instead of applauding...

FLAMES Chapter 5

We went back and forth, and front and back until we were tired. Dad and I doubled mom, but Roxy politely refused. My season averages were 19 Assists, 17 Rebounds, and 44 points ... pretty good, huh? My ‘35’ is the best-selling jersey in both pro and college basketball. I wear one with my name on the back wherever I travel, and Roxy has pens for me to use, on either the home or away jersey. I found out online that 171 basketball players have worn the number 35 over the years: (These...

FLAMES Chapter 6

I woke up with a bad headache! My eyes locked onto hers, wondering what just happened? “Sorry, Baby,” she said. “I bought a set of pregnancy pads recently to see how I looked. There are 6 different sizes to try on; did I scare you?” My brain hurt, but not so bad to say anything except, “Scare is not the right word to use. But I was confused.” NOW, I noticed the pad, she raised her shirt to show off. It was flesh-colored, makes sense? I started the car up, drove by the trash can, she...

FLAMES Chapter 7

We got to our front door, and I said as I opened it, “I have a proposition for you, Mrs. Flame!” “I love being called that ... sorry, go on Hubby!” I took her hand and we sat on our sofa, when after a moment of thought, I said, “First, based on where I would like to live, the Indiana Pacers are my first choice. Let’s wait until I am a Junior here at K-State. That year, after our KSU season, I wait to see where I am rated, amongst all college players, including those who had already...

FLAMES Chapter 8

After our game of switching elevators, we quietly laid together on the bed just like when we were hiding from mom and dad, or our sometime babysitter. We felt like kids of 10 and 12 again. But now we were much older and have fallen in love with one another. My closed eyes opened when I felt the lips of the most beautiful girl in the world. She let down her ponytail and her luscious tresses felt remarkable as my mouth opened to let in her tongue. My pants felt tight and I was reaching down,...

FLAMES Chapter 9

Quick recap: I’m George W. Flame with a sister named Roxanne, who lets me call her Roxy. Along the way from being best friends when we were still only single digits old, she is now 18, I am a few months past my 16th b-day, things have changed. We are not best friends anymore, we have become lovers, in public, although we have relocated from our original home. I finished my first year as a K-State Wildcat, looking ahead to the possibility of becoming an NBA player. We lost the NCAA Finals...

FLAMES Chapter 10

We left arm in arm, and I was flying high as though I had taken a pill to get high. I have never done that, it’s just an expression. I know one of those guys is going to say something on Twitter or Facebook. I needed a shower badly, so Roxy drove us to our hotel, where I took a shower, then changed into a T-shirt version of my uniform top. I deserved it after that. My hot sister agreed. I was very hungry, so we drove along until I saw a place to stop. The Red Robin logo caught my eye. We...

FLAMES Chapter 11

After the four on four practice, I was worn out. I got some high fives from all the guys. Roxy was the arbiter, if a foul may have been called. She was fair. Dwight’s four beat my four, 77 to 71. I had 42 of our points, not being greedy, but was being passed to by everybody, so I took the shot! Playing with real pros for nearly the length of a real game was amazing. I had plenty of energy and stamina for the whole time. Roxanne took me back to our hotel so I could take a nice hot...

FLAMES Chapter 12

We visited the Denver Nuggets, Las Vegas High Rollers, and the Utah Jazz before the summer was over, and got back in time to start working out for my second year at K-State. My fellow Wildcats razzed me about going out to find out who wanted me. I tried to explain my reasons, which they seemed to understand, but still kept on giving me shit about it. We had some high schoolers practice with us, including one guy I recognized from where I came from. He was short (6ft0) by college and pro...

Flames of LifeChapter 03

One Tuesday afternoon a taxi stops in front of a set of apartments in Shortland Street, Telopea, New South Wales, right opposite the Telopea Railway Station. The passenger pays the driver and says, “Have a good day, Hadi. I’ll call you the next time I need a taxi. Keep the change!” The driver grins while replying in his an accent, “In other words, the same as always. Thanks for the tip. I’ll see you next time, Ernie.” The passenger, Ernie Wells, opens the front passenger door while he lifts...

Flames of LifeChapter 04

As per the hospital doctrine Ernie is taken to the front entrance in a wheelchair after he finishes with the admin staff. He stands and walks to the nearby taxi rank. The trip home is quick, and he gets out. He has several letters to deal with when he checks his mail. Once in his apartment he takes time to go through and deal with his mail while making a light snack and a hot drink. Next is the computer to check his email, with several he replies to. He has no phone messages to answer...

Flames of LifeChapter 05

Saturday morning is busy with the processing of all of the paperwork and signatures. Ernie spends the afternoon working on his book, except for his shower and the changing of his bandages. Another dinner served by Gayatri, and a typical early night. Sunday morning Ernie is up and at the local Uniting Church service to see what it’s like. Lunch at an eatery on his way back to the hotel, and the rest of the day is like Saturday. Monday Morning The documents for the ownership changes and...

Flames of LifeChapter 06

Arriving at work at 8:45 a.m. Will turns into the entrance to the staff car park at the rear of the firm’s building. The building is on a street corner so their rear access is a driveway in the side street. He’s thinking on what he has organised for today when he starts his turn, but the sight of the large flame coloured van parked on the street in the spot right next to his firm’s driveway grabs his attention. He’s quick to park his car and walk out of the gateway to look at the van instead...

Flames of LifeChapter 08

After his action packed week life settles down for Ernie until the tenth week after the start of work on the Manor when he’s surprised to be asked to do the final inspection of the work as he thinks it’s too soon. When he drives up to it Ernie is happy to see the Manor blends into the granite mound quite well. Only in the last hundred metres or so is it clear there are buildings there and it’s not all a large granite boulder. The drive comes up on the east side of the buildings to curve...

Flames of LifeChapter 09

In the four months since Gayatri started working for Ernie he’s had her visit with all of the other families working on the farms. She gets on with the other women so well she’s often over in their houses for part of the day or they’re visiting her at the manor. They get on so well they start regular morning meetings where they all go to the one house to talk while sharing cooking tricks and recipes. This has a flow-on effect to the various households with Mexican, Chinese, Indian, English,...

Flames of LifeChapter 10

Two months later Ernie and Gayatri are in Rivers shopping when Ernie goes into the store called Lambert Jewellery. By now Gayatri is used to Ernie doing almost anything because he does so much that seems not to be connected, yet it later turns out to be linked. At the counter he asks the young woman, “May I speak to ‘Enri Lamber,’ please?” She glances at him, turns, goes to the curtain to the back of the store, and pulls it aside while saying, with a French accent, “Papa, counter,” before...

Flames of LifeChapter 11

Soon after returning from their honeymoon Ernie and Gayatri have a visit from John to discuss the Argent Estate income. This is separate from the Mount Station trust as it’s part of the Wells Trust. Estate rental income is now twenty-one thousand dollars a week. Add in his book royalties and the trust income is just over one and a quarter million dollars a year. John wants to know how Ernie wants to deal with it. Previously he put all of his inheritances and compensation pay-outs into stocks,...

Flames of lust

The nice summer cool breeze blow through the camp, it had been a hard day at the beach, the sun pounding down all day. There were 7 of us camping down on the east coast enjoying our summer break and celebrating the end of the school year and just having a good time. It was getting late at night but the moon was all but full so there was some light illuminating my path back to the camp from taking a leak. I was expecting there to be no one else about as the previous nigh after we had finished...

Flame

I paste a smile on my face as the unmistakable hand of my father lands on my shoulder. Sitting at his fourth dinner as Mayor of Serenity, I have never felt more like a piece of meat or an overdressed commodity at the very least. "Lana, Sweetheart, May I introduce you to a friend of the campaign?" I turn slowly, preparing myself for further boredom, the pasted smile, I'm sure, looking more fake than ever now. "Lana, this is Damian Knight, CEO of Phoenix Technologies. He has donated over three...

blame the internet for me being a sissy slut

I suppose I should start by describing my self. I am 6 ft tall and although sporty I would not be well built or anything. I am 24 with a nice job that keeps me going, am single, and live by my self with a lot of family and friends close by. My story and life is now about 1 friend in particular. Her name was Emily; she was slim 5ft 9 inches with long shiny black hair. I was always attracted to her but always thought that nothing would ever happen between us because we were such good friends...

BLAME IT ON OEDIPLEX

It's all your fault, my mom says thanks! by Oediplex 8==3~ Dear Oediplex, I have become one of your biggest OediPals. Not just because I have read everything you have posted somewhere on the web, but because one of your stories was instrumental in helping me to connect in a wondrous way with my mother, and we became lovers. Just like Allen, in that five part saga of his, which you provided on line for your faithful fans, I am happy to share with you our introduction into incest. ...

Blame it on Pattaya 2

Marge and I had our morning shower and got ready for our coming boat ride. I threw on my favorite Mets t-shirt and a pair of shorts but Marge dressed for the kill. It seemed that when she'd confessed having the hots for Hans a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she was starting to make up for lost time. After slipping on her new thong, she pulled a breezy looking off the shoulder pale yellow sundress over her head, and then topped it off with a wide brimmed straw hat with a black...

Blame It on the Water

by scribbleskillz Two hours ago, it was a good day. I was with my parents out for a weekend of scuba diving and sun tanning off the coast of Catalina. A much needed weekend of relaxation brought to us through spontaneous means (my pops had cracked a screw and instead of a sports car for his mid-life crisis, he bought a rather big yacht). And so we'd been enjoying the sun after a nice afternoon dive. Armed with margaritas and not a care in the world. That is what I call blissful. Thirty minutes...

Blame It on the Water

by scribbleskillz Two hours ago, it was a good day. I was with my parents out for a weekend of scuba diving and sun tanning off the coast of Catalina. A much needed weekend of relaxation brought to us through spontaneous means (my pops had cracked a screw and instead of a sports car for his mid-life crisis, he bought a rather big yacht). And so we'd been enjoying the sun after a nice afternoon dive. Armed with margaritas and not a care in the world. That is what I call blissful. Thirty minutes...

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