The Yankee Belle
By Anon Allsop
I was captured last week near the city of Beaver Falls, Tennessee. It
almost seemed that the whole damned Reb army had wheeled on themselves
and swarmed our unit from both sides. We gave them hell for awhile, but
those Confederates were on us so fast that most of us only got off one
shot. By the time the smoke had cleared, 156 of our unit had been killed
and 16 of us captured. The first thing they did was to take our rifles
and shoes, passing them out to their own soldiers, leaving us barefoot
and unarmed.
Then they made us march for four whole days while they rode on wagons and
horseback, so by the end of the third day, most of us were limping badly
from blisters and sores on our numb, frozen feet.
Yesterday, they shot our Captain, who had broken his leg during the
battle and couldn't stand anymore. They just pulled the trigger on him
like he was some filthy varmint digging in a trash pile... like he was
nothing more than a gopher. They made us all step across his dead body,
and then laughed, leaving him lying there on the road.
I knew that not all Rebs were that way, but this unit was run by a Major
Fieldhouse, one of the most ruthless and feared Rebs in this territory.
They never tied us up, mostly because we all knew if we tried to make a
break for it, we would most likely be shot dead before we could get off
the road.
To not do anything was beyond me, and I couldn't stand it! I was 16 and
heading off to some Reb prison to most likely die of some disease or
sickness. I knew if I had any hope it would be by escaping from them, and
if they shot me for trying... at least I would still be getting away,
albeit because of my death.
Our captors had us halt near a tree-lined stream, and Fieldhouse sent a
few of his men to scout for any hidden traps. When they returned, the
'all clear' was given and we were ushered forward toward a little covered
bridge that spanned the swiftly moving river. I glanced quickly along
both banks of the river, and I noticed that trees lined each curving
bank. Even before I dwelled on it too much, I ducked quickly under one of
the wagons and easily slipped between the rolling wheels. My freezing
feet ached from the icy snow along the road's edge. With only a hesitant
glance backward I began my rapid decent down the steep bank, but with
shouts, the Rebs were quickly on my trail.
A bullet tore through my shirt as I slid down the snow-covered riverbank,
and only a mere twenty feet separated me from my would-be captors! But I
couldn't think about it; as soon as my blistered feet touched the icy
waters I winced and slid under its rapidly moving surface. I struck out
with powerful strokes, using the current to propel me down the
aggressively moving river, increasing the distance from those who wanted
me dead.
The swift, frigid water pulled me along, unseen branches tearing at my
legs and arms as I passed. For a moment I surfaced for air, only to have
a musket ball smack the water near my head... too close for comfort! I
gulped a huge amount of air and submerged, again striking out away as
quickly as I could from the gray-clad soldiers.
Another ball spun into the water, its path outlined by the bubbles
pointing its wake. I doubled my speed and headed for the bottom, and I
saw that there was a huge pile of brush and twisted branches directly
ahead of me. I found a slight opening and headed for it, knowing that to
surface now would mean instant death. I also knew that if there wasn't an
opening for me to pass through, this would undoubtedly be my grave.
I turned sideways to wiggle through the opening and pushed myself on into
the darkened tangle of twigs, my lungs bursting with need. I could swim
no further, the way was blocked by more branches... this would be my
tomb. I did the only thing I could, heading for the surface. My only hope
was to be imprisoned again, hopefully serving out the remainder of the
war in some remote prison camp... if they let me live.
When I surfaced, the splashing sound echoed in my ears... an unusual
sound than what I was expecting. I slowly opened my eyes, expecting to be
surrounded by the Confederate soldiers with their guns drawn on me.
Slowly I turned my head to look around, and saw I had surfaced inside a
beaver dam! I swallowed hard and listened, their voices muffled but
close. They stood nearby and discussed where I went. "He ain't surfaced
yet..." one of them shouted.
From a bit further away I could hear, "Can't no one hold their breath
that long! I think the Yank fool drowned!"
The one directly above shouted back laughing, "He'll surface sometime...
maybe next Spring!" I could hear splashing as another walked toward the
fellow above me.
"Better to drown here than what we were going to do to him!" I heard him
growl and spit, they were close enough that I could smell the Mint in the
tobacco he chewed.
In the dim light, I was silently praying that they would soon leave. It
was all I could do to keep my teeth from chattering uncontrollably. My
breath was drifting up in icy plumes, so I buried my face into my
shoulder in an attempt to diffuse the frosty vapor that I was expelling.
The one above me shouted out to his fellow soldiers, "Come on boys, he
drowned... ain't no use in searching for him." I held my breath as their
sound slowly moved away. "Serves that no account Yankee right, drowning
like he did!"
Another soldier shot back, "He was only doing what we would have done in
his situation. Besides, nobody deserves to die like that... sucking in
water till they sink."
The first laughed and snorted, "A good Yank...is a dead Yank!"
From a distance one of them called to the men searching for me, "Come on
fellas, we best be high tailing it out of here! Scouts have just come in
and said there was a big battle around here just yesterday and there
might be some Yanks close by. Major says to forget about the kid and
don't waste time looking for a body...." His voice was getting harder and
harder to hear with them walking away. I exhaled deeply; the news I had
heard was like music to my ears!
I sat shivering, trying to pull myself out of the icy water. After some
effort, I was able to lie lengthways on a make-shift ledge and slowly dry
out. Sleep claimed my over-exerted body and when I opened my eyes again
my tomb was entirely void of light. My clothes had become frozen into
their position and I felt that unless I got in some warmth soon... I
would die!
I began to push on the top of the dam, and slowly the twisted twigs
snapped and bent under my pressure. I hesitated in the darkness,
wondering if the builder was scared away by my presence or if it was
somewhere deep inside the twisted mass of limbs, sleeping away his cold
winter. I again pushed against the roof, feeling it give under my efforts
as mud cascaded upon my frozen hair.
I stopped short when I could see the light from the moon bathe the
interior of my hiding place, above me the stars twinkled their welcome.
Slowly I raised up my head and surveyed the surroundings, but nothing
moved as far as my eyes could see. I struggled through the limbs and
scrambled up the snow-covered surface using the roots and hanging
branches to pull myself back to the river's ice-crusted edge.
I lay panting in the freshly fallen snow, hands and feet numb beyond
belief. Realizing that to stay there would result in my death, I stumbled
onward following the path of the recent battle's destruction. Soon
enough, I came across the first dead soldier covered with a light dusting
of snow. I said a prayer for him and pulled the shoes and socks from his
feet.
Only a few yards from him lay his rifle. With numb fingers I picked it up
and leaned it against a tree. I bent down and pulled the soldier's
utility belt from his waist, once I was assured that it still contained
the lead balls, patches and powder. I tossed my wet clothes to the side
and quickly donned the unfortunate soldier's uniform on. "At least it's
dry..." I murmured, looking down at the dried blood from his wound, at
its center was a large round hole the size of my thumb.
I heard a clink of metal, somewhere in the darkness ahead. I slowly moved
forward in a half crouch, keeping as low as possible from view. The
moonlight was creating shadows against the snow, my breath trembling from
the chill. I slowly peeked around the great expanse of a tree, there
before me was a fire. I waited until I saw a figure approach it, throwing
sticks on to build it back into a dancing fury.
I studied the soldier, his gun only feet from his grasp... my mind could
almost make out a dark blue. I closed my eyes in prayer and cleared my
throat. "Hello the Camp!" I kept behind my tree, hoping they wouldn't
fire into the darkness.
"Who's there?" came back the reply. I noticed that the soldier had
quickly snatched up his rifle and moved away from the light of the fire.
"Private Jeremy Sands of the 51st Indiana." I waited in the darkness.
"What company are you with?" I called out after a great pause.
"17th Massachusetts." He slowly moved toward the fire carrying his rifle
in readiness to shoot. "You just come on in here real slow... hold your
rifle above your head."
I took a step out from the confines of my tree, holding the rifle high.
"Steady, boys... it's a Yank," he whispered to his fellow soldiers. I
looked around me into the darkness, there had to be 50 men hidden... all
with their rifles trained on me.
Slowly they relaxed as my clothing came into view, then one quickly
brought his rifle back up pointing it at my head. "Sergeant, he's wearing
our Insignia!"
The grizzled Sergeant looked at me from under his hat, his moustache so
long that I couldn't see him speak. "Explain yourself, boy, afore I have
him shoot your skinny ass!"
"I found the clothes back there a piece, I was cold and wet from the
river."
"I took the rifle from another soldier," I continued, "the fellow was
killed... I figured he didn't need the dry clothes anymore." I kept my
hands raised toward the heavens as I replied.
He turned toward a man just off to my right. "Check it out, Charley." I
heard him scamper away. "You'd better hope your story pans out."
The other man came running back into the light, "Here, Sarge. I found
these laying next to Private Rollings." He handed my frozen clothes to
his Sergeant.
The bearded Sergeant rolled them in his hands. "He's a Yank all right...
let him come in by the fire and warm up." I nodded my thanks and crouched
by the flames. "Get him something to eat," the Sergeant called out to a
black cook on his left, who nodded and disappeared from view.
"You get separated from your unit?" He eyed me with his cold blue gaze.
I nodded. "Rebs hit us while we was sleeping, I don't know who got away."
The cook came back and handed me a pan of goo, to the side was a biscuit.
"Thanks! I appreciate that." I took a big bite of the hard biscuit, then
pushed around the soupy goo with the remainder.
"It ain't much...but it's the best we got." The cook smiled and brushed
his hands against his pants. I looked at him and smiled, then turned
toward the Sergeant.
"I guess I'll be joining with you until I can find my own outfit... if
that's okay?" I took another bite of the runny slop. At least it was hot.
"That'll be fine. Take a spot in the trench, we'll be going at it soon
enough!" I gave him a questioning look, so he continued, "Rebs are just
inside the woods yonder, we're fixing to hit them at first light." He
sighed and looked across the field, where I could just make out several
small fires like the one I sat beside. He folded his arms. "Hell is,
crossing that field... we'll be like sitting ducks." He sadly shook his
head and walked into the darkness.
As soon as I finished eating, I was shown my 'place in the trench'. Here
I would wait out the morning and the battle that was sure to come.
******
From my trench I could hear the big boom of the cannon as it hurled death
from a great distance toward our line. Fear gripped my throat as I tried
to swallow. Even in this early morning light, I could see the smoke
drifting from the woods where the Rebs were firing at our position.
From side to side I looked into the eyes of those solders around me, each
deep in his own thoughts of loved ones and home. Some of the old men had
fire in their eyes as they readied themselves for a charge once our
Sergeant barked the order. The very young were cowering in fear as they
waited for the call. I was among these young men trembling in the icy mud
of our trench.
I was soaked as the melting snow seeped into my boots leaving my socks
perpetually wet. The temperature had warmed during the night, causing
great patches of snow to melt and grass to become visible in areas now
open from the unseasonable warmth. I tugged the cap down further onto my
head, but its protection offered no comfort to my trembling body and
soul. As if to mock us, it began drizzling. A slight southern wind had
warmed the air just enough to keep it from turning to snow, however, it
made the conditions even more miserable by creating a damp ever-
penetrating fog.
As the morning progressed, so did the drizzle. At first it had been like
a damp fog, then gradually, it became an outright rain. I looked up into
the droplets as they continued to plummet into the puddle at my feet, and
I watched the Sergeant wipe the water from his long bushy beard. From the
distance we could hear the crack of the big 54's and 58's. Once in a
while, when I would get the nerve up to look over the edge, I could see
the Rebel battle flag unfurled and waving in the cold late November
breeze.
Early morning arrived, and each army faced one another in the cold rain.
A low fog was beginning to settle into the lowlands as the sun tried to
fight its way through the clouds. It was true... that in the early
morning it is actually colder once the sun begins to rise, and sitting
there covered with rain made it worse then ever.
My teeth began to chatter when the order finally came in the form of a
dull roar swelling within our ranks until it reached our position. The
roar was from the eager solders shouting their willingness to finally be
anywhere other than in that wet trench, but I wasn't so sure.
As we struggled out of the slippery earthen ditch, the sun burst through
the clouds, promising for it to be a bright morning. The fellow to my
immediate right collapsed back into the trench as a slug slammed into his
chest. I trembled as I watched him come to a rest, his blood coloring the
muddy puddle that he fell into. I wasn't sure if I was shaking from the
fear of that happening to me, or from the chill of being wet.
A rifle ball struck the stock of the .58 caliber gun that I carried,
exploding the wood into a hundred pieces. The sheer force propelled me
into the trench where I landed next to the unlucky man whom I had been
watching. I scrambled to my feet in horror as I quickly tried to put
distance between the dead man and myself.
As I was searching for a foothold on the muddy banks of the trench,
another soldier fell back into what was suddenly becoming a mass grave.
Screaming I grabbed hold of anything that I could reach in an effort to
pull me to something solid. I had lost my cap in the bloody water when I
first fell, and now my gun had been rendered useless.
Never before in my 16 years had I ever experienced anything so terrifying
in my whole life! This was worse then the battle when I had been
captured, making that first one seem like a mere skirmish!
As I finally reached the flat, muddy ground I was out of breath with
fear, for nowhere to be seen were those who had waited out deaths with me
in this trench! Ahead of me I could see the field strewn with the dead
and dying soldiers as Union blue soldiers were pushing the Rebs backwards
into the brush and trees.
I pulled myself to my feet and searched around for a gun...any gun.
Gathering another .58 caliber into my grimy mud-covered hands, I winced
as I lifted it from a dead solder. Trembling, I loaded it and started
into a dead run for the tree line that my side had advanced upon. As I
crossed the muddy grass and earthen field, I heard the soft thud of slugs
hitting the ground around my feet. Adrenaline and fear caused me to race
into the unknown, with the woods being my goal.
I could feel the tug of a lead ball passing through my pant leg as I
reached the woods where I had last seen the Union solders entering. Tears
were cutting the soil that covered my cheeks as I sought safety behind a
fallen tree. All about me were littered the bodies of both Confederate
and Union soldiers alike; most were dead, but some still clung
desperately onto life.
My hair had become pasted to my head from the wet morning, so I pushed it
out of my sight and tried to compose myself into another attempt to reach
my company. Choking smoke from the recent battle clouded my vision, and
the acrid smell of powder burned at my nostrils. I was already sick and
tired of the sights and smells of war!
Into the bluish-gray cloud I scanned for any sign of my fellow solders. I
saw movement and rolled into a kneeling position behind my tree. The man
stumbled toward me softly calling out someone's name, as if he were
looking for that person. I held my ground and with trembling hand I drew
back the hammer from the long .58 caliber, waiting to see if he was a
friend or foe... It was a Reb!
We couldn't have been more than 25 yards apart as our eyes locked upon
one another. I quickly sighted my gun as I watched in horror as he raised
his gun toward me. We fired simultaneously. I waited for a moment as the
thick plume of smoke dissipated, it was apparent that he did likewise as
we remained where we were, waiting for one or both of us to fall. After
only a moment, we realized that the mortal blow that we each expected had
not materialized, and both our shots had missed horribly. In a panic, we
rapidly began to reload our weapons.
As we nervously readied our guns, each of us took a moment from time to
time, to check out how the other was progressing. I guessed that he was
close to my age but with the dirt and filth, I didn't know for sure. I
finished just ahead of him and raised my rifle to aim. I looked into his
tear-filled eyes as he realized that I had beaten him loading our
messengers of death. As I hesitated, he began to frantically finish
loading the big gun he was holding.
No 16 year-old should ever have to do what I did at that moment; his eyes
briefly met mine and he began to raise his gun in my direction. My
borrowed weapon barked with fury as through the smoke, his gun fell and
he spun violently backwards to the soft carpet of the damp woods. I stood
there crying, muddy tears streaming down my young cheeks.
I watched the young man struggle once to rise, then fell onto his back
ceasing to breathe, the life slowly ease from the youth eyes. I stared
down at the weapon in my hands and slowly let it drop onto the damp
slushy ground beneath my feet. I had just broken a commandment... I had
taken a life. My grandmother would have rolled in her grave if she could
have seen what I had just done.
The gaping hole that the slug left in the boy was visible to me, steam
slowly rising from the mortal wound. I stepped across the log and moved
to his side, his eyes seemed to follow my movement as I approached. But I
knew that was impossible, and he was dead. I sat and stared into his dead
eyes and continually wiped tears as they rolled down my cheeks. His cold
stare seemed to haunt me as its gaze bore into my very soul.
I dropped to my knees, closed my eyes and said a silent prayer for this
young solder who died by my hands, but it helped me feel only a bit
better. I crawled over to his lifeless form and using my hand I lowered
his eyelids from their haunting stare. I could feel my throat tighten
with emotion as my hand came into contact with his warm skin; never
before had I witnessed the results of my actions on the battlefield...
now, I knew that I would never forget.
Most of the day passed quickly, before I could prod myself into moving.
Still in a horrified shock, I buried him in a shallow grave and using a
chunk of bark from a tree scratched these words: "Here lies a young Reb
killed by me... God, please forgive me for what I have done." I fell
against a tree, staring into the fresh mound of earth that had become his
grave, and remained there until night began to fall... I wearily set out
away from the dead boy.
I gathered up my gun and began to plod deeper into the woods away from
the grave, until I came to a wide river and turned west away from the
rising sun. I could see that I was headed in the right direction, the
ruts from the cannons being pulled through the soft earth and the bodies
littered the ground from both Union and Confederate alike. A huge battle
must have taken place here earlier today.
I followed the river well into the evening, and I only paused long enough
to get a drink and eat a bit of jerky the black cook had given me. I
figured that it would only be about an hour or so before I would catch up
with my company. Using the stars, I kept the North Star in sight and kept
moving into the inky darkness. Finally until utter exhaustion overcame
me, I collapsed into a heap under a great willow tree. I smiled inwardly
as I fondly remembered a tree just like this one, growing next to the
river near my home in Indiana. Slowly I let sleep overtake me and closed
my eyes listening to the gentle night breeze rustle the overhanging dry
leaves.
******
Voices woke me in the freezing pre-dawn morning, so I scrambled to my
feet using the great span of the willow's trunk to keep me hidden until I
could discover who was speaking. The male voices that I heard were using
thick southern accents, so I kept low and circled around to a dense bush
for cover. It was a small party of Reb solders moving toward me in a
single line.
I eased myself back over the bank of the icy river and hung on to a
sapling in my effort to stay concealed. The water was frigid as it
crushed the wind from my lungs with an icy grip. I shook from chill as I
hung onto the small tree, afraid that they would hear my teeth
chattering.
As I flattened myself against the bank I watched one gray clad solder
stood at the edge and relieved himself only a few yards from me. I
redoubled my effort to maintain a grasp on the young tree in the icy
water... I could feel my grip slipping.
Suddenly as if the river itself pried my numb fingers away, I began to be
pulled downstream! I did the only thing I could and lay face down,
praying that they would think I was dead and leave me pass. I held my
breath waiting for the stab of hot lead to bury itself deep into my
exposed back. Evidently I was a pretty good actor, because they did
nothing, either they didn't see me or ignored me completely. Whatever the
reason, I was alive... cold and wet, but alive.
I held my breath as long as I possibly could, my lungs burning with fire
as they sought the fresh clean air of the surface. Finally, after what
seemed like an eternity, I rose and filled my lungs full with life giving
air. Spinning around I scanned the banks looking for the Confederate
soldiers, but they were nowhere to be seen. I tried to strike out for the
river-bank but the swift current was pulling me along in its icy path,
and I was its prisoner!
Faster and faster I raced along, sometimes striking rocks or boulders
strewn along the bottom. Once, I momentarily wrapped my arm around a log
but my force dislodged it from the hold it had on the bottom and it too
was propelled down the swift, icy river.
At one point during my seemingly endless trip, I was able to force myself
away from the log and suddenly found my feet able to touch the bottom.
That success was short-lived as I slipped and became disoriented under
the surface. Again I found myself an unwilling passenger in this icy
river, beside me floated the slowly rotating log!
Slowly my strength was being ebbed from my body, I tried one last time to
push myself away from the log. With all the strength I could muster I
shoved against it with both feet and prayed. If I was unsuccessful, I
would die alone in this icy watery grave. My head struck a rock and pain
throbbed from my swollen temple, but I fought along in the current as
blood began to pulse down from my brow. Somehow my arms came into contact
with roots along the edge and I held on for dear life until I was able to
pull my feet up underneath me. Struggling with what energy I had left, I
pried myself from my watery grave.
******
It was dark when I regained consciousness; the air was still and very
cold. My breath floated from my mouth in feathery plumes. I felt chilled
and in pain, my body aching from the beating I took in the river.
My whole body again shivered from being both wet and cold. Somehow during
my watery trip down the river I had lost a shoe, my jacket and the rifle.
God only knows where...probably somewhere along the bank where I met up
with those Rebs. What was left of my clothes had become torn and ragged,
and were almost worthless in their present state.
Slowly, I pulled myself onto my hands and knees, my body racked with pain
and numbness. I crawled toward a tree and using the low branches, pulled
myself into a standing position. I could hear a dog nearby barking, its
voice echoing in the quiet evening. I knew I desperately needed to rest
somewhere dry and warm, or I would die.
I struggled through the darkness using the trees to help me walk with the
pain and ache that I was feeling. I figured to stay near the river to
have the best chance of finding some type of refuge. Slowly I picked my
way until I heard horses. Peering through the foliage, I could see a
house with soft light coming from a few windows. I paused and continued
to watch for movement; I didn't have long to wait.
A middle-aged white woman followed a short man to his waiting buggy, and
with her were a large black slave woman and a skinny black man holding
the horses to keep them calm. With them, a smartly dressed man quietly
entered his buggy. From the bag the dark suited man was carrying, I
sensed he was a doctor. I could just make out their conversation as he
settled on the leather seat. "My poor daughter is so ill, Doctor! Isn't
there anything you can give her?" The older woman sobbed softly.
He sadly shook his head as if saying no. "Ma'am, with this damned war,
all my supplies have been depleted. I've given you some powders to help
her sleep, but that's all I can really do. With what she's been through,
it's only a matter of time."
From the look on the smaller woman's face, it looked as though the
hardened doctor had slapped her. He saw it too and quickly looked down
toward his feet. "Ma'am, if there was anything at all that I felt I could
do... you know I would." His tired eyes shifted to the large black slave
woman who was scowling at his callousness.
The distraught woman held the seat of the buggy tightly, as if to keep
the doctor from leaving. With a sad nod and a pat on the gray-haired
woman's hand, he took the reins from the skinny black man. "You just need
to understand ma'am, Sarah won't be able to survive both this illness of
hers, and pregnancy too. It would be a miracle if she were able to
recover enough to last out this week. If only the child she was carrying
were older, we could remove it with surgery. Unfortunately, I have never
heard of any child living after being removed from a womb at only a few
months."
The rotund black slave woman scowled again at the doctor's cold comment.
"Some friend you is... telling her a thing like that, knowing how she's
hurting inside!" She hugged the crying woman. "You go on and get yourself
outa here!" She waved a portly arm in the doctor's direction.
The doctor tugged at his white whiskers and smiled sadly at the large
slave. "I know you'll take good care of her, Keeza... if that's the only
thing you do." The black matron nodded. Smiling weakly at her, he snapped
the reins and pulled his buggy away from the steps.
I studied the little group as they stood sadly waiting while the doctor
drove down the long lane of the plantation. They watched, until the
darkness enveloped both him and his buggy. I glanced back toward them and
noticed that the skinny man was suddenly gone, leaving only the crying
white woman and the large black female. I raised up a bit to scan the
area around me in an effort to figure out where the scrawny man went. I
couldn't see him, so instead, I concentrated on the figures before me and
quietly sunk back into the darkened bushes.
The chubby slave directed the older woman back toward the house talking
quietly with her as they walked. "Keeza will speak with Miss Lilly,
she'll know what to do. We should've done that in the first place instead
of fetching that old doctor know-nothing from town." She looked back
toward where the skinny slave had been standing. "Now where the heck did
you run off to?" She paused and started searching for him with her eyes.
"I hates it when you do that to me!"
I crouched down in an effort to conceal myself better, leaning into the
darkened foliage of the hedge. I looked toward the barn and decided that
I could move within the shadows there, making my way around toward the
back. I slipped away from my hiding spot and started toward the building;
fearing surprise I cautiously made my way to the door.
I moved slowly, as I had been trained to do in a hostile area. My ears
were in tune to every movement, each step was calculated and as silent as
possible. I inched my way closer to the door. I had the uneasy feeling of
being watched, but I needed the rest that the barn would soon provide. It
had taken me almost a half-hour to pick my way through the darkness, but
still the unease I was feeling was prominent. Suddenly my fears were
confirmed when I heard a slight movement in the shadows to my immediate
right! I hesitated in the darkness and felt my heart race. Panic surged
into my brain... I wheeled and tried to run but a quick flash and sharp
stab of pain in my back left me no doubt that I was not alone. The
terrible impact caused me to be violently propelled to my knees, my lungs
gasping desperately for air.
I knew instantly, that I had been shot in the back... the lead ball
passed entirely through and exited high on my chest. Coughing, I grasped
at the pain only to pull my hand away and reveal blood soaked fingers.
Steam slowly rose from my darkened fingertips and chest. I struggled to
stand, only to fall forward again onto my face. I laid where I fell,
watching the blades of grass vibrate from my frosty breath in the cool
fall night. My breathing was becoming raspy and labored, with little
flecks of white foam appearing on the grass before me. I had been fatally
wounded, I knew that I was dying.
I had come all the way from Indiana, fought and survived through two
horrendous battles, and I was about to die somewhere on a Southern
plantation and not in the war as I had feared. Death doesn't care, it
will get you wherever and whenever it wants. If it's your time, it will
find you.
My vision became cloudy as I sensed movement of several individuals
directly next to me, and slowly the sounds of those people became echoes
within my mind. I felt my eyes dim and begin to close in anticipation of
the peaceful sleep of death.
******
The withered black woman stood over the lifeless body of the young female
lying as if she were only sleeping, sadly shaking her head. "It's too bad
you didn't call me sooner, I can do nothing for her now... her soul is
almost gone."
It had only been a moment since she had taken her last breath, but that
moment seemed a lifetime to her weeping family. Keeza moved over to
comfort a grieving female who had thrown herself across the dead woman,
and she gently raised the sobbing woman to her feet and rocked her
tenderly in her ample bosom. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Penny...so sorry."
The room fell silent as each person grieved in their own way, and only
the sounds of quiet sobbing broke that silence. Suddenly, a shot rang out
in the quiet evening, causing them to rush toward the closed window.
In the little bit of light that dappled across the yard from the large
moon, they saw a youthful form slowly crumple toward the ground as others
gathered around his form. Quickly the old wrinkled black woman threw open
the window. "Hey, there... what has happened?"
"Caught him snooping around... he's a Yank solder!" He stepped closer to
the form and turned his face back toward the window. "He's a youngin at
that!"
The old woman looked toward Keeza. "Take Mrs. Penny out of here, she
don't need to see this on top of what has happened to her and her
family!" Keeza nodded and took the crying woman out of the room, she
apparently hadn't even noticed the commotion outside.
"Is he dead?" called the wrinkled woman to the figures below.
"Not yet... but soon will be." He crouched down next to the dying boy.
"Got him in the lung!"
Keeza walked back into the room. "I laid Mrs. Penny down... she is just
beside herself with grief." Nearing the window she looked at the old
woman and pointed. "What's going on down there?"
The grizzled black slave woman smiled at Keeza, patting her flabby arm.
"There may just be a ray of hope yet!" She turned back toward the figures
below. "Bring the boy up here... and hurry!" Quickly she hurried out of
the room.
It only took a moment for two black slaves to hurry up the stairs with
the pale form of the bleeding boy. "He just closed his eyes...but he
still be breathing...even though it's slow!" They placed him on a bureau
that was used to write letters, and Keeza used one arm to quickly sweep
its contents to the floor. The skinny slave spoke to the two woman.
"Ain't gonna do no good, no how...he has a hole clean through his chest
to the other side. He gonna die."
The rotund woman glared at the tall black causing him to quickly turn and
scurry out of the room followed closely by his companion. After several
tense minutes, from down the hallway limped the old woman, using a hand-
hewn cane for support. Slowly she pulled a glass sphere from her pocket.
"What is that for, Miss Lilly?" Keeza asked.
"This glass globe was called the Choonta Kune. Long, long ago, here it is
known as 'The Sphere of Life', I have a hunch that it may help us. Only
time will tell, though." She bent down to the boy and placed the globe on
his chest. Closing her eyes, she began to chant in a long forgotten
language that sounded more like a song than anything. Keeza stood there
watching the young man's breathing becoming even more shallow with each
passing moment, until it finally stopped altogether.
"Looks like he dead, Miss Lilly." Keeza said sadly. She had already seen
much more death this day than she wanted.
"Only in body, child... look." The old woman pointed toward the globe
which had started glowing.
The two black women watched as the glass globe began to glow with bright
colors, seemingly as if it had a life of its own. The colors became
brighter as the young man's breath slowly left his body in one great
sigh. "Now if this works..." She began to look around for something to
pick the globe up with.
Keeza moved in to pick up the sphere but the old woman stopped her hand.
"We must be careful not to touch the surface." Keeza didn't ask why, she
knew not to question Miss Lilly on matters of the supernatural.
Lilly maneuvered the glass ball into a small, empty wooden drawer, using
a long letter opener she had picked up from the floor. Once Miss Lilly
had removed it from the young boy, she handed it to Keeza and slowly
walked out of the room and down the hallway. "Where are we taking that
little ball, Miss Lilly?" She had to practically run to keep up with the
old woman who was hobbling along on her cane.
Keeza pulled up short as Miss Lilly entered the bedroom where they had
just laid the dead body of their dear, sweet Sarah. She covered her
gaping mouth with her hand as she watched Miss Lilly take the box from
her chubby fingers. The old woman bent low over the prone form before
her, then rolled the glass globe from the box and onto the chest of the
beautiful female. Her pert youthful breasts kept the sphere from rolling
off. Lilly began to chant; as she did the colors began to fade from the
glass sphere, until it appeared as it had first been... just a clear
glass globe.
Lilly turned toward Keeza and motioned for her to come closer. "The
sphere is an ancient tool passed from generation to generation within my
family. Only the womenfolk have the ability to use it, but it will seep
the life from a dying person and breath it into the body of the freshly
dead. But, neither can be of the same body."
Keeza's eyes grew wider as she listened. "Sarah will extract the life
force from the dead Yankee boy and she will live again. His soul will
drift off toward its intended destination, whether it be heaven or hell."
She smiled as she watched Keeza's expression. "Sarah should be back to
her normal self in a few weeks... still able to carry the child that is
growing inside of her."
"What happens if Sarah is gone forever... and the boy's soul is stuck in
her body?" Keeza spoke with insight surprising the old African.
"I hadn't thought of that... if it does happen, we will have a very
confused young ma..er...lady on our hands." The two stood and stared at
the figure of the young woman.
Keeza wasn't sure what to think, for Miss Sarah was like a daughter to
her. Her pregnancy and illness played so heavily on the small family
since her father had been reported killed during a recent battle, and her
young husband off fighting somewhere. She knew that Ethan would be
devastated if word got to him of Sarah's death.
On one hand, the soldier-boy died and had no need for his soul anymore.
On the other hand, Sarah might possibly live, if his soul could be
siphoned off and used as fuel to bring her soul to life. Keeza was
confused by all that was happening and sighed heavily as the old woman
began to pull on her arm in an effort to herd her to the door.
"What of her illness?" Keeza asked, pointing out her young charges'
obvious reason for death.
The elderly black leaned against her cane and smiled. "The sphere will
cleanse her body, her illness will be of no effect."
"Why then didn't we use it on her long ago?" Keeza wrung her hands with
worry as she fretted over the young beauty.
"The sphere can only be used when the soul begins its journey. She wasn't
yet dead, there was still a slim hope for her." She frowned sadly as she
studied the prone young woman.
Slowly the old woman drew the door closed. "Now we just wait... If we're
lucky, you will have your dear Sarah by morning." She paused at the door
of Mrs. Penny, pointing with her cane to indicate the older white woman
who inhabited the room. "Hopefully, she will have her daughter back as
well..."
******
Fleeting sounds were muffled in my ear as I felt my soul begin to drift
from my body, slowly I could feel myself rise toward the heavens. I felt
nothing but an inner peace as I drew my last shallow breath. I began to
see brilliant hues of blue and green swirl about me, each mixing and
glowing with a soft inner light.
I could sense an expectation of what it would be like in heaven with the
beautiful display before my eyes, I was sad to die, I did not want to
die. At 16, I had thought that I had much more of my life ahead of
me...now, nothing. I really didn't feel pain from the wound, only sadness
knowing that this slug was putting an end to all of my dreams and wishes.
Dreams of a family, children, a quiet home that I could call my own,
growing old with those I love. Gone. All gone. All of this taken by a
lurking figure in the dark, my young life cut short by a sniper's bullet.
Slowly an unearthly feeling began to grip at my soul, I could go no
further than the beautiful colors could go...was this me? Were these the
colors of my soul? I could hear voices but was unable to make anything
that was said...were they the voices of my past? Or were they voices of
those dead, gone long before me?
Again I felt as if I were being pulled back toward earth, for a
moment...and only a moment. I brushed against another lost soul brightly
lit with color. This soul was at peace and not feeling the turmoil that I
was experiencing. I could almost make out a face...a female face. She was
beautiful and young like me. She was concerned, her angst enveloped me as
a shroud. I could sense that she was leaving those she loved behind, but
not confident in their happiness. The whole situation left me uneasy. I
wasn't sure why, but I felt that I had something to do with her concern.
Suddenly the beautiful peace was disappearing, as a fog was slowly being
lifted from my mind. I watched the colors fade before my eyes with each
passing moment. Gone was the feeling of peacefulness and contentment that
I had been feeling... worry and sentiment began to wash over me.
I felt myself breathe again, slowly drinking in the life-giving oxygen
deep into my lungs. I felt soft covers gently laying against my body, and
cool sheets below me as well. I listened to the birds chirping outside a
window; somehow I had not died, I was alive, I had survived!
I moved a hand to my rib where the slug had exited, feeling for the pain
of the wound. I could feel nothing... no wound, bandage... nothing! Maybe
I was indeed dead and this was my heavenly body waking from its long
earthly nap. I tried to force my eyes to open and was rewarded with
bright sunlight bathing my sleepy eyes with its beauty. I never thought I
would see the sun again... 'God, it was so beautiful!' I thought.
My eyes fluttered open a few times in an effort to make themselves used
to the brilliant light streaming in on them. I slowly looked around the
room, moving only my eyes. I could see a faint haze above my vision, and
to a smaller effect below. It wasn't too distracting but, then again...
troubling. It was almost like trying to focus on something very, very
close to my eye. I rubbed my eyes using the back of my hand, it didn't
seem to help. Whatever it was, wasn't clearing up. The room screamed of
wealth, with its rich polished woods and high ceilings. The bed I was
lying on had four heavy posts with a gauzy material draped on each end
fastened by a colorful lacy ribbon. Slowly I moved my head to the side
and studied a portrait on a stand next to the bed. It was a handsome
young man dressed in a Confederate Cavalry Uniform. He was sitting with
his saber tip resting on the ground and his strong hand on the hilt. He
didn't appear to be much older than I was, I guessed at maybe 18. He cut
quite a dashing image, with his polished buttons and ornate needlework
around each button-hole.
Movement caught my eye as a large black woman entered the room was in. I
tried to say something but I couldn't form the words, my mouth felt as if
it were full of cotton. She turned and jumped as she became aware that I
was watching her. An almost inaudible gasp escaped her lips forcing her
hand to quickly move to her mouth. She spun around and lifting her dress
darted out of the room and down the hallway.
I could hear her shouting as she ran down the stairs and across the lawn
at the top of her lungs, however, I couldn't make out a thing she had
said in her excitement.
Closing my eyes I decided that I should rest some more... I had done
nothing this day but I was extremely tired. I allowed my mind to drift
off again and sleep.
Again I found myself on the battlefield, a glowing white cloud silently
hovering over the dead and dying soldiers. I was drawn to a body that I
knew as my own, lying face down on the ground. As I rolled him over I was
shocked to see that it wasn't me... but a girl, a very beautiful girl.
The cap fell from her head as she settled onto her back, and volumes of
lush blonde ringlets fell about her face and against the ground she was
laying on. I knelt closer, my vision locking upon her eyes now closed in
death. Suddenly they opened with a start, my position changed and I found
myself looking into the ghostly form of an angel as it hovered above me.
My body jerked, and I found myself racing away from my dream with the
speed of lightning!
******
For what seemed like days I drifted in and out of sleep; each time I
opened my eyes they would be rewarded by that slight haze silently
distorting my vision. I also had visitors from time to time. At first it
was the large black woman accompanied by a frail old black woman who was
well-wrinkled and bent. At other times an older white woman would just
hold me in a long embrace, and she would stroke my hair while applying a
cool washcloth to my forehead. She was the figure who seemed to bring me
so much comfort. She doted over me in a most motherly fashion that was
pleasant and caring, and I found myself eagerly waiting her appearances.
Even though I could hear what they were saying to me, I was so out of
sorts that I couldn't comprehend much of what was said. Only the woman
would talk, even while she was feeding my soup from a spoon. All the
while, her melodious tone would continue to massage my mind and caress my
soul.
On one particular morning, I heard the white woman addressing the older
black slave out in the hallway. "What ever can the matter be, Lilly? She
doesn't even acknowledge me... her own mother. Could what happened have
affected her mind so?" Her voice trembled with emotion almost as if she
were about to cry.
The old woman spoke taping her cane against the wooden floor. "It will
take time, Mrs. Penny. She had died, but now lives... we should be
thankful for that."
"I am so grateful for all you have done, Lilly. By saving my dear Sarah,
I will give you your freedom. Anything else you need... just ask."
The older woman grew silent and still for a moment. "Thank you, Mrs.
Penny, I appreciate your kindness." Then they slowly moved away from my
room, their voices carried softer by the distance.
I fell into an uneasy sleep. I could feel movement about the bed which
caused me to open my eyes ever so slowly. A quick glance to the window
told me that it was well past noon. "How long will she be bed-ridden?"
The woman smiled in my direction seeing that I was awake.
The little woman called Lilly, hobbled over next to the bed. "It's up to
her... she seems entirely healthy now and ready to face the world."
I just lay there, my eyes dancing from one face to the other. Who were
they talking about? Who was Sarah? Why did they keep referring to me as
"she"? I tried to raise myself up and both women rushed to my side. "Not
so fast... you must not try to do too much, too soon," the white woman
scolded.
Again I lay back and closed my eyes. If they wouldn't let me up, I would
just as soon sleep. Later into the afternoon, I woke and sat up in the
bed. The large black woman was busying herself around the room noticed me
and came over to prop some pillows under my back. She smiled at me and
fussed with the blankets for a moment before walking out of the room. I
looked around the majestic room and studied everything with new
appreciation of this family's generosity and wealth.
It was then that I noticed the girl, sitting upright in her bed on the
other side of the room. I had never seen such a lovely vision before in
my life! She appeared to be about my age with beautiful long golden hair
cascading down around her shoulders. She was wearing a sleeping corset
that allowed a minimal amount of breast to pillow up for my viewing
pleasure. Our eyes met and we both looked away, I wasn't sure who was
more embarrassed. It only took a moment before my young lust drew my eyes
back to her exquisite form. We smiled at each other.
I couldn't believe how warm she was making me; I studied her full
sensuous lips almost beckoning me to cross the room and smother her with
kisses.
When I finally settled down I noticed that her corset had become untied
and one breast was dangerously close to falling out of its protection. I
found myself hoping to catch a glimpse of her tender young breast...
praying that it would fall free. I anticipated her excitement as I could
see the succulent young buds expand in arousal as she was studying me in
earnest as well.
So, this lovely little exquisite creature, must be the Sarah that I heard
them talking about! I would have given anything to be able to bed this
feminine creature! At 16, I felt that I was ready to take on a man's
role... especially with a girl like her... she on the other hand had an
innocent and maybe a naive look about her.
I too wasn't beyond feeling the same want that she was feeling, the
little pulses of sexual energy began to flow into my crotch, I knew that
unless something happened soon, my penis would spring to life and
embarrass both of us. Although I wasn't sure if this wonderful female
would have been too upset, it appeared she wanted me as badly as I wanted
her.
To the chagrin of both of us, Keeza found it necessary to enter the room,
and we both turned our heads to watch her enter. The matronly black
gasped with surprise as she quickly moved toward my bed. Her hands almost
flew to my shirt. "You must never...never let this happen, it just ain't
proper!"
I looked down and couldn't really see what she was so upset about,
nothing unusual about having your shirt open. That is, unless you
have...have... "Breasts?" I shouted.
I screamed at the black trying to tie the corset and quickly rolled off
of the bed, looking down my vision was filled with the striking cleavage
created by two pert young breasts gathered into the confining space of
the corset! I looked at Keeza and then back down at what seemed to have
attached itself to my chest! "What did you do to me?"
"Oh...oh dear me! I must get Miss Lilly!" she shouted as she raced out of
the room and down the hallway.
I stood there and faced the door listening to her shouting as she ran.
Slowly I turned, using a post to catch myself from falling. I saw the
lovely beauty doing the same. Her luxurious long golden hair flowed down
her back and stopped about halfway between her delicate shoulders and
rounded bottom that pushed out ever so delicately. It was then that I
realized that I had been looking into a mirror, and I saw the reflection
of MY nipples as they began to become engorged and swell, pushing out the
soft material of the sleeping corset. I couldn't believe this! I had died
and came back a woman! And this vision was so lovely, it was making me
aroused. "My God... what has happened to me?" I whispered in a voice not
my own.
I stood and stepped toward the mirror, her tiny feminine hands seeking
out the smooth surface of the glass. My eyes met hers and drank up the
beauty they reflected, her dark, long lush eyelashes curved up and framed
two of the most beautiful sky-blue crystal eyes that I had ever seen! Her
nose was small and wonderful, resting just above a pair of lips that
would arouse any man with desire! I let my eyes lower and study the body
being reflected back. She was so lovely from the top of her golden hair
to the bottoms of those dainty feet and everywhere in-between. Those
generous young breasts, the tapered waist to the little bulge in her
garment where her belly button should be.
She looked a bit out of proportion standing there as I let my hand rest
on the tummy facing me, so I slowly stroked the material. Suddenly, I
realized that the "bulge" wasn't in the material as I had first thought,
but this beautiful creature that I had become was...was... oh my God! A
cry caught in my throat. "That means...oh..." The room began to spin as
my face suddenly began to perspire, I felt myself sliding down the mirror
as butter would slide on a hot pan. The room spun slowly, darkness
enveloped me and I fell softly to the floor.
******
I opened my eyes at the feeling of someone sitting next to me on the bed.
Mrs. Penny slowly came into focus as I wiped the sleep from my eyes.
"Hello, honey, are you feeling better?"
"Um... I feel fine now, I guess," I softly replied.
"You gave us quite a start yesterday... do you feel well enough to eat?"
She smiled and patted my soft hand. "You really need to eat something
other than the broth that we've been feeding you," she spoke as she began
to assist me into a sitting position.
I looked across the room and saw the young lady looking back at me;
slowly her hand touched her cheek. "What has happened to me?"
"Oh my young child, you had become gravely ill and we thought you died!
If it weren't for Miss Lilly, you would have been lost to us forever." I
sat and stared at her. "Eat, child...you need to keep your strength up."
At that moment, the large black woman and the old woman stepped into the
room. It was Keeza who spoke up. "Mrs. Penny, I have your lunch ready
down in the great room. Please come down to eat now, Sarah will be okay
now that Miss Lilly is here."
My eyes followed the old woman as she seated herself on the other side of
this gigantic bed. She watched as the two other women had left and we
were alone. "Tell me, child, what can you remember?"
My soft trembling voice replied. "I recall seeing a girl in my reflection
before I passed out!"
She placed her hand on mine and looked directly into my eyes commanding
my attention. "I mean before... long before."
I let my eyes wander as I spoke, slowly being drawn back toward the
beauty in the mirror. From her perfect lips, came the words my mind
formed. "I remember being a solder in the Union army. I was in the
infantry... we were fighting near here when I was captured. I hooked up
with a company but was later separated during battle. I remember being
shot by someone hiding in the dark." I looked at the old woman, suddenly
tears began to roll down my cheeks. I could feel my lip trembling with a
new-found fear. "I...I think I died!" I cried.
She smiled weakly, rubbing the back of my hand. "No, child, you didn't
die in the sense you're thinking. It's true that the young solder you
once were had died, but his soul lives on. We lost Sarah due to illness
and used a bit of ancient Nigerian magic to pull your soul and give it to
Sarah... she was supposed to use your life-force and replenish hers. But,
we were too late... her soul must have drifted into heaven before we
could help her." She sadly looked down at the patterns in the quilt.
"My God... you trapped my soul into this body! Put me back! I don't want
to be a woman... I want my old body back right now!" I began to cry like
the young female I had become.
She squeezed my hand forcing me to pull away in anger. "It's not that
easy to explain," she spoke softly. "Your old body was dead. You had a
hole in your chest about the size of this." She used her thumb as an
example. "That was about two weeks ago... your old body is hopelessly
lost by now, buried under six feet of earth."
My beautiful lip trembled as I threw myself forward on the bed and cried.
Her hand reached out and tried to comfort me with the soft stroking of my
golden hair. Between sobs I pleaded. "There's no way that I can ever go
back to what I was before? I'm going to stay as a girl ...forever?"
"Yes, that's so, once the sphere is used on you, it can never be used on
you again. You will remain like this until the day you die." She
tightened her lip in a futile effort to hide her emotions of what she had
caused.
I leaned back against the mountain of pillows and looked at her. My mind
was in a turmoil of emotions, I had died... at least the old me had died.
My soul was moved into this body... this beautiful female body! I was now
a woman! I stared wide-eyed at her. "This isn't possible! If I have been
inside of this girl for two weeks as you say, how would you account for
my bodily human needs? Surely, I would have had to... go?"
The little black woman smiled and nodded into the corner. "You were very
weak; Keeza and I supported you over the chamber pot so you could relieve
yourself." I felt my jaw drop. "Oh don't be so prudish, little one, you
ain't got anything that we haven't seen already."
Turning my eyes from her, I looked down at myself and felt a fluttery
movement within my belly. Was it nerves? I closed my eyes as I felt it
again... no, this was not nerves! My look toward the old woman must have
telegraphed the question in my mind.
"Yes, child... young Sarah was expecting her firstborn. She had passed
only moments before you would have, we thought we had enough time, but we
were wrong. The child was able to maintain survival long enough for your
soul to occupy her form... the child lives now because of your
sacrifice."
I found myself slowly rubbing my tummy without thinking, once I saw what
I had been doing I stopped. The old woman smiled at my realization, I
didn't see the humor in it. I swung my legs to the side of the bed and
let them drop over the edge, one way or another I was determined to
leave. My movement however, was decidedly feminine, and she noticed my
surprise as I quickly let them dangle beside each other.
"Why did I just do that?" I said pointing to my legs as I flipped my
golden tresses out of my way. I was sure my face reddened as I again did
a very feminine thing. "Why do I keep doing things like... like a girl
would do them... if I'm a man inside!"
"You are hardly a man inside anymore," pointing to the tiny swell of my
belly. "As much as I can suspect, you have acquired some of the lasting
effects of Sarah. She used to move somewhat in the way you are now. She
would flip her hair just like you did as well. You and she occupy the
same being... you are the living Sarah, but her actions and movements
have been mapped into her young body. I would guess that the longer you
are her... you will discover more and more of her in you. How much of her
remains?" She smiled slowly and shrugged. "...it will be for you to
discover."
I looked down as she spoke. "How could this possibly happen to me?" I
cried. "Oh Christ..."
I saw where her sleeping silk had opened up to reveal much more leg than
I wanted... smooth and silky legs that were now mine, thin and dainty,
crossed at the knee... so sexy... so feminine! How unreal to be seeing a
beautiful creature like Sarah seemed to be... from this angle! Flipping
the garment back to cover my creamy flesh again, I asked Miss Lilly a
question. "I just don't know what to do... I can't stay like this... this
female!" I waved my hands toward myself. "I don't know if I can wear
dresses and all the trappings of a girl!" I suddenly realized that my
voice projection had changed slightly from the Northern Indiana accent
that I had!
My hand flew toward my throat. "Did... did you just hear me? Am I
speaking with a Southern accent? Oh God, this can't be happening to me!"
I looked into the mirror at the beautiful creature sitting on the bed
that was me. "I don't understand how this can happen... I've been changed
into a pregnant girl, all the while I should be laying in eternal rest in
the ground out there!" I shuddered and at the same time felt the tears
well in my eyes, and she noticed it too.
"If you want, there is something that I can do which will erase your
memory and allow you to think of yourself as always being Sarah." She
placed her hand on my arm suddenly covered in goosebumps, sending little
tremors racing down my spine. I looked at her hand and slowly pushed it
away, and tried to rationalize what was happening to me.
"Who is the father... of this?" I gently rubbed the swell in my stomach.
"How did it happen?"
She chuckled and pointed toward the tin photo of the dashing young
officer. "That's the who and why you are pregnant, as for the reason...
all women need a station in life, you had everything except for the man.
Now that you have the man... the child was sure to follow." She brushed a
stray golden hair from my eyes. "Sarah, the girl who once was you
...loved him very much." She lifted the tintype from the stand and handed
it to me.
I looked toward the mirror at the young female pouting in the bed. I
looked at the wrinkled old woman and pushed a tear back. "I can't live
this way... you shouldn't have done this to me!"
She stood up and began to head out of the room. "As the boy... you were
destined to die. At least, as Sarah... you can live another day." I
buried my face and cried into my trembling hands as she began to stroke
the back of my head. "Lay still child, I'll bring you something to eat."
Eventually, I settled back into my pillow mountain and looked toward the
picture on the stand. The officer did cut quite a dashing figure, a
strong jaw and reasonable build. He appeared tall, young... and... and
virile. I found myself beginning to cry softly. "Why couldn't she have
just left me die?" A slight movement, like a butterfly within my stomach
caused me to look downward.
Slowly I pulled the sheets aside, flattening the silk so it conformed to
the shape of my waist, which gave me a good look at the rise of my
stomach. I focused on one area, and my eyes widened as what could be only
the movement of a small child roll within! I looked up as the old woman
walked back in followed closely by Keeza.
"That child of yours is active," the old withered woman said. "And will
be more as each day passes."
"It's not mine!" I shot back. "I didn't ask for it!" I folded my arms and
pulled the blanket back over my swollen stomach.
"Tsk...tsk...tsk." Keeza clucked her opinion. "That child is a gift from
God! You better be treating it as such!" The large woman folded her arms
and glared at me.
"Keeza... you have something to be doing... so do it!" the old woman
spoke without ever looking away from me. "She will come to love the
little one... it will just be a matter of time." I glared at them and
looked away, only my darting eyes would have betrayed the distrust for
them that was in my heart.
I folded my arms defiantly across my breasts. "I'll carry the thing if I
have to... but you can't force me to keep it!" The old woman only smiled
at my comment and winked at Keeza.
She slowly walked around the foot of the bed, her cane clicking against
the floor. I watched her intently as she sat herself in a big chair
placed in the corner. "Tell me, child, what was your name before..."
I frowned. "My name... well, my name is Sarah." I shrugged my small
shoulders.
Keeza laughed from where she was standing and handed me a small sandwich
on a plate. I looked from one woman to the next and asked, "What? What's
so funny?"
The old woman smiled and drew a finger on her chin. "Sarah, where were
you born?"
I thought that this had to be the dumbest line of questioning that I had
ever heard. I inhaled with frustration and answered her truthfully. "I
was born in Clarksville, Tennessee. Why are you asking all of these odd
questions?"
She leaned forward in the chair and pointed to the large woman. "Who is
that?"
I looked at the matronly female, and shrugged my shoulders. "Her name is
Keeza... she's my slave." I thought about what I had just said. "Wait a
minute... I don't have slaves... do I?"
"Who am I, Sarah?" The old woman interrupted as she struggled to her
feet.
"You are Miss Lilly..." I looked away slowly and whispered in shock, "Now
how did I know that?"
"You see, child, the Sphere has placed the soul of your old self into
Sarah... your soul has been absorbed into her body. You have become
one... since her body is holding your soul... you have her memories." I
watched her pass a mirror in front of me, my eyes fixated on the
beautiful girl in the mirror. "Your old self will soon be pushed to the
background... you are becoming Sarah."
"This can't be happening!" I cried, the young girl in the mirror buried
her beautiful face in her slender hands. "Please God, wake me from this
nightmare!" I rolled and buried my face into the pillow, tears absorbed
into the material as I cried. Then in fury I turned on the bed, my
breasts heaving with breathless anger. "A bullet didn't kill me... you
did! I died when you chose to interfere with your own selfish needs,
trapping me in this body of a dead, pregnant girl!" I tried to strike at
my stomach and fought against the two blacks as they wrestled me