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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s3e18 Eden 23 law graduate from Bournemouth

Series 3, Episode 18: Eden Abraham Fade in on a young woman walking along a beach in a business suit, carrying her sensible work shoes in one hand whilst sweeping long brunette hair from her face with the other. She’s trying to make the walk along the beach look casual, but she’s not dressed for it. She’s strongly built, filling out her blouse and skirt, wide but not fat, with a big chest. She’s not a stunning woman, but her rounded features and welcomingly thick lips certainly aren’t...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s3e19 Michelle 44 former air hostress from High Wycombe

Series 3, Episode 19: Michelle Williamson Welcome to High Wycombe, a small commuter town just west of London. We’re currently sitting infront of a very nice two-story house with ivy growing up the front wall, and bushes in the small front yard. It’s quiet, with virtually no traffic on the narrow bending street. The house isn’t huge, but it’s bigger than the average detached home in the area. We approach the front door, shooting with a hand-held camera, and the door opens as we arrive and...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s3e20 Carin 60 retired school head teacher from Birmingham

Series 3, Episode 20: Carin Basham Pan around a large public park – grassed areas stretch away on either side of a concrete pathway. Dogs are running around together whilst owners watch on. It’s a brisk autumn day and the trees have already lost most of their leaves. The wind is whipping everything around. We focus on an older woman standing on the path and watching the dogs running around. Her blonde hair (turning to grey) blows in the wind. Her friendly face is warm and approachable....

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series Charley doggy gangbang part 1

End of Series 3 special: Charley Kiefer Part 1 Footage courtesy of British Academy of Television. We see the brightest and best of the British television industry, all dressed up in their best – hair perfect, make-up (for the ladies, mainly), and big smiles. Amongst the familiar actors, actresses, chat-show hosts, comedians, reality stars and general celebrities, we see a face that looks slightly out-of-place, yet still familiar to us ... It’s our very own Charley, in a long, white,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series Charley doggy gangbang part 2

End of Series 3 special: Charley Kiefer Part 2 We fade in on highlights of yesterday’s episode. Charley accepting her award, arriving at our studio, undressing to show off her slim little body and pert bottom, being mounted by several different dogs, sucking them, Heather scooping up their cum into the glass ... And then we’re back up to our favourite slut, looking up into camera and smiling. Looking pretty, and happy, but at the same time a lot like a woman who’s just had sex with five...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e1 Elizabeth

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e3 Robyn

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... A sign by the road indicates that this is the A127, and that the next turn-off is to...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e8 Rosie

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e9 Shelly

Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e15 Kimberly

“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e18 Rachael

Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e19 Belinda

Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s5e4 Kathy

Series 5, Episode 4: Kathy Regis We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment, a little longer than normal, then our cartoon Charley arrives, a little out of breath, giggles, then beckons us to follow her as she falls toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the North Sea, off the north-east coast, in just a few seconds. We chase Charley all the way, looking up her skirt as we race toward the...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s5e10 Alison Latham

Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s5e14 Cleo Ranger

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then go dark ... The country beneath us is immediately speckled with a million points of light ... Club music begins to play very, very quietly ... Then we fall toward the surface at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit right down to the brightest lights of London... Bright lights, big city – and we race through it. Very much London at night as imagined by non-Londoners. Red...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s6e9 Melissa Gilliam 49

Charley’s voice sounds out as we look at a map of the UK... “Most of our episodes are very similar – a woman who wants to play with a dog ... Sometimes she has a partner who wants to watch, or maybe even to join in ... But this week – we have something a little different for you. File this one under, something different...” We fade in on a strange trio sitting on a couch, facing the camera. Male, male, female. All three of them competing to be the most feminine. Close-up on the first guy –...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s6e13 Caterina Ireland 42 bug heaven

from Southall, London We fade in on the familiar scene of Charley sitting at her editing station, watching something that we can’t quite see on the monitors behind her. There’s a naked a woman on screen, on her back, legs spread, and she’s letting out a high-pitched squeal. It’s all out of focus because we’re actually looking at Charley... She turns to face us – blocking the view of the screens on her desk. Smiling broadly, her expensive dental is almost bright enough to distract us from...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s6e14 Angela Wimhurst 55

from Coventry We fade in on a respectable looking, middle-aged woman. Heavily styled, coloured blonde hair (dark growth underneath), a thin face with high cheek-bones, a nervous smile that reveals an uneven collection of teeth – clean, but not well aligned. Her loose white blouse, hangs off her shoulders and down her chest, suggesting she’s quite slim with small boobs. She speaks directly to camera, with a sharp, confident sounding accent – a hint of her midland background. She sounds like...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s6e15 Em Smith 37

from Newcastle We fade in on the familiar frontage of Charley’s stylish townhouse – then we cut to inside, right to Charley’s home office, and find her once again sitting at her editing suite. She’s not doing much editing though – she has her back to us, both feet up against the front of her desk, her legs spread wide, and she appears to be working her pussy (we can’t actually see what she’s doing) as she watches her screen... On screen, partially obscured by Charley’s shoulder we can see...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s6e17 Elaine Cowan 48

We open with a mini montage to show our location ... A wide, dark, river running through a city, a ferry crossing from one side, a large old building with the statue of a bird on the roof, hundreds of football fans celebrating in the steets ... Yes, no prizes for guessing we’re in Liverpool this week. The sequence ends on the historic Albert Dock- usually a tourist hotspot, but today, almost deserted due to the wind and spitting rain. We watch as our long-time host walks her golden retriever...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s6e20 Belle Shelvey 21

We’re in the middle of a wide street – on one side of the road, a large brick building – several storeys high – the end wall closest to us has no windows and is painted red – with a huge red and white logo reading “STAFFORDSHIRE UNIVERSITY”. There are no students to be seen, because the university is – of course – still on lockdown. We pan around and look over the road – where we can see a small corner-shop – a fast food outlet. “Nice ‘n Spicey” We zoom in as our hostess, Charley Ozvik,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e2 Kelly Mills 25

“Series 7, Episode 2: Kelly Mills (25), from Plymouth” We open with a photo-session. A familiar looking young lady posing outside a nightclub as a small group of photographers, local media, take pictures of her. She’s very slim, with short styled blonde hair. Wearing a mini-dress, cut low to show off her firm, wide spaced tits, with a high skirt to show off her slim legs. A few little tattoos are on show. When she smiles we see bright white teeth and a lot of pink gum. She’s posing up a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e3 Helen Mahr 43 fishy fun

We begin with home video footage of a young boy and his mother in a doctor’s office. It’s one of those feel-good Youtube clips of a child getting his first aural implant. The boy is cute, his mother is nervous and but trying to sit still. We focus on her for a second, wondering if she’s our guest this week ... Then the audiologist leans in – her fiery orange-red hair hanging down loose over her shoulders, a warming smile, a pretty face. She tinkers with a small plastic implant on the side of...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e5 Bianca Woodman 52

Series 7, Episode 5: Bianca Woodman (52), from Sunderland We open on the kind of ugly post-modern concrete structure that was all-too-popular in the UK in the 70s and 80s. Low, oddly shaped, drab coloured. Attempts at landscaping have failed to make it look any more impressive. Light rain falls against a grey sky. Inside, we see council workers hard at work (for the cameras), before we come to rest on one particular member of staff, walking along a corridor ahead of us, a couple of files...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e6 Bailey Dummett 26

Series 7, Episode 6: Bailey Dummett (26) Welcome to Torquay - a picturesque harbor town on the English riviere. We float over hundreds of small craft and yachts moored along wooden jetties behind the Princess pier, before closing in on one of the boats. As we get closer a very pretty young blonde woman steps up onto the small deck of the boat. She’s wearing a bikini that highlights both the beautiful weather and her stunning body. Slim from top to bottom, with small but firm boobs barely...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e8 Lady Elizabeth Westinghouse 38

We open with an aerial shot of a fantastic stately home, surrounded by green countryside and trees. The building is three stories tall, very square, with hundreds of windows – historic, beautiful, grand. Then we’re inside, cutting from one shot to another that highlight the antiques, the paintings on the wall, the furniture. Then we’re outside, watching as a beat-up transit van makes its way along the lone gravel driveway from the large gated entrance to the front of the home. Back inside,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e9 Rosemary Bramble 51

Series 7, Episode 9: Rosemary Bramble (51), from Canterbury We fade up on the impressive façade of one of the oldest and most famous Churches in the United Kingdom. The huge limestone structure, with its Gothic style arches and spires, stands against a grey sky backdrop, but the dull weather isn’t keeping the tourists away – there’s many a history/church buff here, snapping away with their cameras and phones – and more than a few of them are taking an interest in our camera crew as we film...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e10 Nicola Colback 28

We fade in on a young couple in a large and busy shopping mall. They walk along, her holding his arm, almost hanging off it. Clearly a very close pair. She is slim, and pale (almost as white as a ghost) and very, very blonde – her hair straight, swept across her face, and hanging down over her shoulders. The face itself is pleasant without being sexy. Certainly not unattractive, but her jaw and nose are perhaps a little ‘strong’. She wears a black leather jacket, zipped right up, and blue...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e11 Olga Tozer 42

We open on footage from a current affair documentary, the host doing her best to sound very earnest about the plight of the women she’s discussing. As she speaks, we see a montage of young ladies, either beautiful, or close enough that no-one would argue the point… “Package tours to the Ukraine for single western men, seeking eastern European brides. The marketing for these week-long breaks boast that the men will meet women who are not only beautiful, but also dutiful… Young women, with...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e11 Emma McKeown 31

Series 7, Episode 12: Emma McKeown (31), from Yeadon, with Casanova. We fade in on the exterior of an unimpressive, little hotel/motel complex. A purple sign on the wall reads “Premier Inn”. It’s a collection of two-level buildings, with sloping roofs and dormer windows. Neat and tidy, but nothing to get excited by. A car turns into the car park and pulls into a space near the entrance to reception. The occupant gets out – a curvy young blonde ... Skintight leggings and a little t-shirt...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e13 Mikayla Walsh 18

We fade in on a busy London street ... On one side of the street, a mix of four and five level Victorian buildings, three or four levels of offices and flats above shop-fronts. Red London buses moving past our camera. We pan around until we are looking over the street, between a few old trees at an old English church ... Then we cut to outside the church, panning to the left we can see the glass fronted PUTNEY PASTRIES, a bakery/café that’s attached to the side of the church – the new...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e15 Daphne Dee Hall 59

We’re looking through the front windscreen of a car as it drives along a country-lane, following a motorcycle that moves smoothly around the lane ahead of us ... The rider appears to be slim, almost certainly a woman, wearing red and white leathers and a white helmet - a couple of inches of brunette hair flapping out of the bottom at the back of her neck. She slows down and sits upright, half turning toward us – one hand up to wave at us to follow her ... Then leaning forward, low to the...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e17 Jolene Aarons 39

We’re tracking along a long residential street. Nothing particularly special about the houses, set back a couple of meters from the street, with low brick walls surrounding the small squares of grass that constitute their front gardens. All of them look essentially the same except for the colour of the window frames and front doors. We slow down and come to a halt infront of the one that looks just slightly different to the others – because it has a sign mounted on the wall that reads,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s7e19 Reece Payne 26 activist

Series 7, Episode 19: Reece Payne (26) from Yeovil We open on a full length shot of this week’s guest. The first thing we notice is that she has a length of duct-tape wrapped stuck over her mouth. She’s slim and pale, no make-up, shoulder length, loose, blonde hair – fairly unkempt. Dressed in a pair of loose jeans and a baggy black sweatshirt bearing the legend “ANIMAL WRONGS”. She folds her arms across her chest and stands there, glaring into camera, her body language reads ‘anger’. She...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e3 Mithali Sikdar 21 from Darlington

We’re sitting at a crossroads in an old residential area. A shop on each corner – we’re looking at the first, a small convenient store – blue and white signage above the door reads “SAMMY’S STORE”. Then we pan around to the other side of the street, a mobile phone store, with similar signage, this time reading, “SAMMY’S MOBILES”. Then across another road to look at the third corner, another store with similar signage, this time a fast-food outlet, named “SAMMY’S CHIPPY” And then to across...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e4 Lucy Donaldson 40 from Edinburgh

We fade in on footage from our drone camera – numerous rows of houses packed together. Old rows, one after another of boring grey semi-detached home as we fly over them at speed, then we swing right and suddenly, the houses disappear behind us, as the green expanse of a golf course appears before and below us... We drop down, flying quickly across a couple of fairways and dropping down toward a green ... Seeing a small group of figures looking up toward us. A few men in jeans and sweaters,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e5 Alexis Cropley 54 bad mother

Series 8, Episode 5: Alexis Cropley (54), from Southampton An establishing shot of a large hospital. We seem to meet a lot of medical professionals on this show ... A sign reads, “Southampton General Hospital”. And then our host steps into frame infront of the sign ... Rather than the expected sight of a tight and attractive young lady, we’re looking at the rough-and-ready, overweight and unshaven ‘figure’ of a middle-aged man. All the way from West Ham in London, it’s the short, fat and...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e7 Natasha Iley 39 outdoors girl

Series 8, Episode 7: Natasha Iley (39), from Ambleside We cut to a series of drone shots, flying over lakes and trees, establishing the natural beauty of the land. Then cut to an establishing shot of an impressively well-kept building. Three stories tall, with white-washed walls framed by black cornerstone bricks and black guttering. It’s old, but beautiful. There are a few cars parked infront and to the side of the building, but as we pan around we see we are nowhere near a road – there’s a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e8 Bridget Hooper 18 from Norwich

We’re in a concrete carpark on an industrial estate. We pan around looking at the various buildings, noting that most are marked as engineering works, mechanics shops, window manufacturers, etc., before we get to the last building in the row – the biggest of the bunch – which has signage that tells us it is “Norwich City Trampoline Center”. We pan a little further and come to rest on the less-than-attractive, but very popular, ‘figure’ of our host. All the way from West Ham in London, it’s...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e10 Mia Perch 20 from Exeter

Series 8, Episode 10: Mia Perch (20), from Exeter An establishing shot of an old-school cinema with a big silver and blue “ODEON” logo above the entrance. Patrons are spilling out after a screening, happy and smiling, seeing our camera and altering the way they walk – getting out of shot as quick as possible ... Especially when our host walks into the side of the frame and begins her introduction with her soft Polish tinged accent as she walks toward us... In a tight t-shirt and...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e11 Ursula Bonvin 56 horse lady

Series 8, Episode 11: Ursula Bonvin (56), from Ballymena We open with an establishing shot of an idyllic country house style hotel, set in the rolling green hills of country Northern Ireland. It’s all white-wash and big bricks, dormer windows and chimney pots. We pan to the (mostly deserted) carpark, and see our host stepping into frame – this week, it’s Bradford’s bestial belle, Kimberly Milner ... Tall and slim, with long dark hair, and a red-lipped smile that few could resist. For a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e12 Marissa Foggan 35 Crazy mother

Series 8, Episode 12: Marissa Foggon (35), from Crewe We fade in on a pretty anonymous looking street in a vaguely industrial looking area – then turn the camera around to face one of the ugliest office blocks you could ever hope to see. Almost perfectly square, 13 stories high, and made up of square windows. It’s a 1960s concrete and glass study in boredom. Infront of it, a carpark for staff. There’s a sign reading, “RAILWAY HOUSE”, suggesting the building’s original purpose, whilst...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e13 Casey Howard 24 dog fun fan

Series 8, Episode 13: Casey Howard (24) from Reading We open with an establishing shot – standing in a quarter full car park, panning around to look at a two-level, brick and glass building. A sign above the main entrance reads, “TRAVELODGE – READING” Business is slow, no cars coming or going, no customers entering or exiting. The only person moving is ... Our hostess... The dimpled former pornstar – and self-titled ‘best looking dogfucker in the world’ – squeezed into a white PVC...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e14 Jennifer Britain 40

Series 8, Episode 14: Jennifer Britain (40), from Grimsby. It’s a sunny Monday in Grimsby, on the north eastern coast of England. The weather might be nice, but the surroundings are grim. Old buildings, empty shops, people walking around like zombies. We cut to a car park outside a large red-brick and black fronted shop – a large “SPORTSDIRECT.COM” sign over the entrance... And then our host steps into frame ... A sexy, curvy, blonde – her eye-catching figure dressed in a tight white ‘UK...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e15 Lynn Roche 51

Series 8 Episode 15: Lynn Roche (51), from Isle of Wight. We’re on the sunny sea-front of a traditional looking British sea-side town. Small apartment blocks sit on one-side of the road, looking out over the sea. The building infront of us is three levels above an open parking garage. Each level with its own balcony. An attractive figure approaches, walking out from the shadows of the garage and into the bright sunlight, with a large black dog by her side. She’s dressed for the sunshine –...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s8e19 Sharon Callaghan 37 from Newcastle

We begin with a mini-montage of life in Newcastle-upon-Tyne ... A shot of Gray’s Monument, of the busy Eldon Square shopping center, St James’ Park football stadium, before we find ourselves in a busy street, looking up at an impressive, and very modern looking 5 story glass fronted building. We can see through the glass walls, seeing the staircases and offices inside. And then, stepping into frame from the side, trying not the block the architectural masterpiece – another masterpiece of...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e1 Gayle McGhee 29 lesbian doglover

Series 9, Episode 1: Gayle McGhee (29), from London. An establishing shot of a modern two-story building – red brick and grey render, signs declaring this to be “Newman College” A few students, all of them 17-18 year old girls, are hanging around the doorway in the background, trying to get on camera – smiling, waving, shouting to the camera – one of them posing, pulling the top couple of buttons of her blouse open, leaning forward to show off a reasonable amount of cleavage. They’re all...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e2 Yvonne Batty 57 the best kind of wife

Series 9, Episode 2: Yvonne Batty (57), from Folkstone After the excesses of the last episode, it’s time to return to something a little more sedate ... And it doesn’t get more sedate than Folkstone on a Wednesday afternoon... We open with an establishing shot of a very narrow street, with three- and four-story buildings jutting up on either side of us and curving away from us. The road is barely wide enough for two cars to drive in opposite directions, and the sidewalk on either side...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e3 Liu Danying 39 eastern delight

Series 9, Episode 3: Liu Danying (39), from Peterborough An establishing shot of a large, grand and historical looking building set in beautiful green gardens. This is Orton Hall. Next to the hall, an old church ... Around them, several newer structures – tasteful extensions - have been added. One of them contains a Health Spa. We take in the quiet beauty of the complex for a moment, then... Then we pan on a sexy young lady – long dark hair hangs down over her shoulders, red lips glisten...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e4 Wendy Smith 28 from Barry

We open with an establishing montage – shots of a classic 1960’s school campus – brick and glass, with lots of green wooden panels, everything very square, flat roofs, boring. Kids spilling out – scruffy kids in white shirts and black trousers ... Jumping infront of the camera as they pass. Some of them trying to look cool, one girl in particular striking a pose, skirt up to show off her thigh, hand behind head – but far too young to be the subject of our show ... Then we’re in the staff...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e6 Kara Reilly 54 from Watford

We fade in on a row of near identical white two story, semi-detached homes – each with its 5-foot-high private hedgerow fencing, and its satellite dish, each with solar panels on its faded black tiled roof... Then a row of ugly two-story block buildings – large shopfront windows downstairs, smaller square windows of the upstairs flat above. All of the shops the same colour scheme – except one that really stands out. The owners have made an effort – it’s a florist, with a collection of...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e7 Josie Bolton 26 tattoo freak

ADD MORE PLAY WITH THE TONGUE PIERCING Series 9, Episode 7: Josie Bolton (26), from Peterhead We fade in on a desolate, baron coastline ... Wind and rain whips over rocks and tufts of grass, above a deserted beach ... Rain spatters against the camera lens and wind whistles over our microphones. There is no-one for as far as the eye can see. We pan away from the beach and look inland at a small carpark, picnic tables, and public toilet block. It’s hard to imagine who would drive out here...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e8 Brandy Gardner 44 black widow

Series 9, Episode 8: Brandy Gardner (44), from Wolverhampton We pan around a gritty, pebble strewn road, taking in a commercial storage facility on one side of us, an electrical sub-station infront of us, and then coming to rest on a large building supply business. It’s one of those ‘trade only’ places that the regular DIY guy wouldn’t even know exists. And then the less-than-attractive, but very popular, ‘figure’ of our host steps infront of the big warehouse. All the way from the east end...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e10 Louise Jenas 35 horsey housewife

Series 9, Episode 10: Louise Jenas (35), from Livingstone We open with an establishing shot of a featureless, single story white building. An almost empty car park infront of it, and then an empty playing field, the ‘H’ configuration of goal posts at the far end confirming it’s a rugby pitch. We track along the front of the building until we come to a pair of double doors, a simple panel screwed to the door confirms that this is ‘LIVINGSTONE RUGBY CLUB’. The door opens and a familiar figure...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e11 Meghan Given 58 bored gran

Series 9, Episode 11: Meghan Given (58), from Guildford This week’s show begins with a shot from inside a car as we head down a quiet suburban residential street, slowing down to turn into a private tree-lined side-street, driving through gates designed to keep the ‘wrong kind of people out’... Then we’re outside a very classy house, very exclusive. Not the biggest garden or driveway, but the street provides privacy for all residents. We watch as the car pulls up infront of us and parks at...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e12 Avery Gowling 23 submissive slave

Series 9, Episode 12: Avery Gowling (23), from Slough We open with more of our smooth drone footage – this time flying over Slough town center – a hive of British commuter-belt activity. Flying over a huge Tesco superstore, more cars and shoppers ... Over the train station, hundreds of passengers boarding a rush hour train into London... Then dropping all the way down toward street level on a cleared construction site, behind a two-meter-high fence. As we drop down toward the ground, we...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e13 Britney Morrow 33 dog lovin dwarf

Series 9, Episode 13: Britney Morrow (33), from Bristol An establishing shot of a residential street in Bristol, just around the corner from a primary school. Kids are being walked into school by mothers, older kids being dropped off at the curb. We can tell from the nervousness of the children, and the occasion tear being wiped from a mother’s face, that it’s the start of the school year. And then our host, former pornstar Renae Russell, steps into frame ... As usual – her cute dimples and...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e14 Naomi Townsend 45

Series 9, Episode 14: Naomi Townsend (45), from Northampton We’re on a dull council estate. Wide streets and rows of 1970s-built housing. It probably looked great on paper, but in reality it looks windswept and depressing. We pan around to face a larger building, no taller, but much wider – a small community hall/library. This week’s host appears, walking around from behind the hall – ripped jeans and a too-tight t-shirt that highlights her impressive round boobs. She totters toward us on...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e15 Ellen Rankin 60 Piggy fun

Series 9, Episode 15: Ellen Rankin (60), from Stirling We fade in on a business park – a collection of small, modern, one and two story buildings, small well-kept shrubberies and flower-beds around them all, then narrow roads (double yellow lines on both sides to stop blockages) ... It’s a grey day and the roads and buildings look like they’ve been rained on very recently. We move along the road between two of these units, toward a particularly unimpressive and anonymous looking building –...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e18 Lisa Burley 19 Emo teen

Series 9, Episode 18: Lisa Burley (19), from Brighton We begin with an establishing shot of Brighton pleasure pier from the beach – the famous seaside landmark reaching across the yellow sand and out over the blue sea. The beach is crowded with sunseekers, keen to enjoy the fine weather. Then we’re on the pier – tracking along past old ladies sitting on benches, and young boys trying to spy girls in bikinis on the beach. We track along until we find this week’s host. Wearing her trademark...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s9e20 Yvette Nolan 59 Irish pilot

Series 9, Episode 20: Yvette Nolan (59), from Belfast We cut to an establishing shot of a small commercial aeroplane coming in to land on a wide runway at an airport. We watch the plane fly overhead and turn to see it touching down. Then we cut to the inside of the terminal, seeing the passengers, staff and armed security. Signs show arrival and departures and we watch as they update for a second – and note one arrival, from Manchester – updating to show that it has arrived, and passengers...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s10e02 Hiruni Jayasinghe 41 from West Bromwich

We’re back on our Stage 1 at our studio ‘complex’. The room is dark, but in the middle of the floor there’s a single steel-framed bed in a pool of light from a couple of spotlights. The bed is as basic as it gets – a steel frame, old bedstead. It looks vaguely rusty and pretty dirty (as it should – two weeks ago it was on a scrapheap in Rochdale). An old mattress sits on of the frame, the mattress looks soft and lumpy, and its cover is bordering on threadbare. We move around the bed, looking...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s10e03 Jenny Hudspeth 53 from Torquay

We fade in on our darkened bedroom set. The bed in a pool of light in the middle of the studio. There are no sheets, blankets or pillows on the bed, just an old mattress. It’s stark and cold, and not at all welcoming. There’s a clicking of heels as this week’s guest approaches from off camera. She enters the pool of light around the bed and we see that she is a middle-aged woman. Average height and weight, a ‘sturdy’ build, her flesh is a little pale, a little soft. She’s wearing red Agent...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s10e04 Dawn McCall 34 from Manchester and her wife Cath Dudley 32

We fade in on our ‘bedroom’ set. All in darkness, then turn on the spotlights, highlighting the rusty, ugly old bedstead, and dirty mattress. It’s a sleezy scene, a bed that no self-respecting woman would lie down on ... And she comes now... We hear footsteps approaching – multiple footsteps, and two women walk into frame. One is a little heavyset, wearing jogging pants that should be baggy but stretch over her large frame, and a t-shirt that hugs her round belly and big boobs - frankly...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s10e05 Beverly Kennedy 48 from Glasgow

Once again we fade in on our dark studio – moving in on the rusty old bed and the smelly, cum stained mattress, illuminated by that single powerful spotlight. If you looked “sleezy” up in a visual dictionary, it would probably look like this. Then there’s the familiar clicking of heels on concrete as our next guest walks onto the set and into the pool of light infront of the bed. She’s an older lady, very thin, with long, straight brunette hair in a center parting. Her small frame is...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s10e06 Andi Harewood 29 from Birmingham

Once again we fade in on our dark bed set ... Just that ugly rusty old iron bed, and the tired old mattress. No sheets, no pillows. Cheap and tacky. A single spotlight illuminates the set from above, casting a harsh light that makes things look even cheaper. We hear the fast clicking of heels on concrete – and whip the camera around quickly so we can see this week’s guest approaching. She’s short and thin – young and dark-skinned. Her red bikini briefs and bra are almost invisible against...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E08 Sophia Brayson 35 from Luton and Gina Howey 31 from Newcastle

We fade in on our regular set – the rusty old bedstead, with the ratty stained mattress, set on a concrete floor in the middle of a dark studio, harshly lit from above by a single spotlight. The bed looks a little different to previous times we’ve seen it, because one end (the foot-end), and its legs, have been removed, leaving a sloping bedframe and mattress. There’s no explanation for the missing ‘footer’ from the bed. There’s a brief pause – then we hear footsteps approaching. Heels...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E09 Greta Sorenson 46 from Winchester

We fade in on our darkened set. For the ninth episode in a row that rusty old bedstead, and the ugly, dirty mattress, sits in the middle of the bare concrete floor in the middle of our studio ... We’ve seen 7 dogs and a pig in action on and around this bed, and we can see numerous stains on the mattress that have result from their ejaculations ... We don’t linger on them too long before we hear the clicking of approaching high heeled shoes, clicking along the concrete floor – and whip our...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E12 Joyce Fernandez 30 from Luton

For the eleventh time this series, we fade in on our darkened bedroom set. An under-stuffed, badly sprung, dirty, stained mattress sits on a banged-up, old, metal bed-frame. The frame used to be smooth wrought iron, but is now covered in rusty flakes; the mattress used to be white, but is now various shades of gray – we can almost smell it through the camera, musty and bitter. We hear the familiar, click-click-click of high-heeled footsteps crossing the concrete floor of our studio – then...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E13 Diane Campbell 45 from Reading

We begin this week’s show, as usual, looking at the ugly sight of a dirty, stained, lifeless mattress – then pull out to see the rusty old bedframe that it’s resting on. The thing looks like it’s only just been heaved onto the set from the local tip. For those of us who have visited the set, it smells that way too. We hear a door swinging open, then faint footsteps, getting louder – clicking on the concrete studio floor – and pan around to see who’s coming… She’s a middle-aged woman, very...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E14 Kia Waheed 21 from Cardiff

We fade in on our regular old set… That dank mattress, lumpy and stained, splitting in places… The iron bedframe, rusty springs looking like they would snap rather than bend. The lighting is harsh, casting shadows from the bed to the concrete floor below. Sleazy is an understatement. Then we hear the familiar clicking of hard heels on the concrete as this week’s guest walks onto the set. There’s a clicking of heels as this week’s guest walks onto the set and we cut to watch her...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E16 Zara Vudovic 49 from Colchester

We’re in darkness, then there’s a heavy clicking sound as a switch is flicked, and our regular bedroom set lights up. It’s as grim and depraved as ever. That stained mattress, the rusty bed frame. No sheets, no blankets, no pillows – just that dirty fucking bed – sitting in a pool of light, in the middle of a concrete floor. We hear a door open off camera, and then the slight, muffled, “In here...?” – then, the same voice adds – “Okay...” – and we hear footsteps approaching – flat, slight...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E17 Ashley Mathews 29 from Newcastle Northern Ireland

This week’s show begins with that same old rusty bedstead, and that same old dirty mattress. Pausing to take in the magnificent filthiness of it, then pulling back to reveal the bare concrete floor around it, and to take in the harsh lighting. And then we hear our guest of the week approaching, quick little footsteps ... Light clicks on the studio floor. We pan round to see what we’ve got this week and see a slight, pale, small-boobed lady walking in quick, short strides ... She’s not is a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E19 Sabrina Owen 53 from Windsor

We fade in on our darkened bedroom set – just about able to make out the outline of the old bed ... Then the lights click on, and we see the bed in its full glory ... Or perhaps that should be its complete lack of glory. We pause long enough to marvel at the depravity of it all – this cum-stained mattress that girls have been squirting all over, cover torn, springs exposed. It’s just ugly. We hear the click-click of heels on concrete – slow, long, confident strides ... Then pan around to see...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S10 E20 Erin Stokoe 20 from Bristol

We open this week’s show with a slow tracking shot over the bed we’ve been using throughout this series ... Moving over the mattress and looking at the various stains – hearing the moans, squeals, screams, gasps and occasional profanities issued by our various guests during the last 19 episodes... One gray stain in the middle of the bed – and the gasp that accompanied dog spunk spilling from one whore ... A long thin stain, and the moan of another slut squirting at the moment of her first...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S11 E02 Chelsea Ferguson 34 from Chelmsford

This week, we start the show with establishing shots of the most boring suburban estate you could ever hope to see. Lots of ‘nice’ double story semi-detached homes, each with their own little square of grass and concrete driveway out front, separated from the public footpath by low brick walls. We can see a chunky, out of breath looking man walking along the street toward us, perky, elegant and mean-looking Doberman by his side ... This week’s host – the love-him-or-hate-him Cockney geezer –...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S11 E04 Lilian Cheese 54 from Cardiff

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of terraced two-story homes – brown/grey stone fronted, with white brick surrounds to doors and windows ... Tracking along, looking down streets toward a raised motorway in the background ... And coming to rest on one particularly unremarkable street... The only thing that makes this street any better than any of the others is the presence of our host – blonde and busty, in figure hugging jeans and a t-shirt tight enough we can see she’s not...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S11 E05 Charlene Tudor 30 from Manchester

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a community garden center – which is pretty overgrown - then we pan around to see distant tower blocks, then trendy and modern apartments in the foreground, until we see our host walking toward us... He’s chunky and he’s cheerful – squeezed into a West Ham football shirt that’s probably XXX Large but is still struggling to hold his belly and man-boobs. Beside him, looking up at him as they walk, a beautiful Doberman. Dennis begins his...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S11E08 Maria Harris 59 from Peckham

We start this week’s show an establishing shot of a curved row of tightly packed two and three level orange-brick homes along one side of a street, with tree and grass parkland on the other side of the road. We move along, looking up at the impressive looking houses before coming to a halt and looking back down to the street ahead of us ... And see a familiar figure walking toward us... It’s everyone’s favourite odd couple ... Fat Cockney, Dennis Baxter, and sleek Doberman. Dennis is short,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s11e09 Lana Garland 36 from Stratford upon Avon

We start this week’s show with something of a tourism montage – showing off old Tudor buildings, Shakespeare gifts, then a shot across the flat green lawns beside a slow moving river, infront of an impressive looking theatre complex ... A sign on a wall reads, “Swan Theatre”. Walking toward us across the lawn, the even more impressive figure of a brunette bombshell – slim, with fantastic boobs and a tight arse - wrapped in the slinkiest, tight-fitting dress ... It’s Renae, our former...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S11 E10 Jocelyn Higgins 48 from Maidstone

We start this week’s show, as we start every show, with a shot of the UK of Zoo map of the British Isles with all its sparkling little lights ... And then a new light – brighter and larger, indicating this week’s location – down south, way south - to the south-east of London, sharpening down to a point over (as the caption tells us) - “MAIDSTONE”. Then we dive into the map and cut through to an establishing shot of a boring housing estate. Low green hedgerows, little green lawns, grey brick...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S11 E11 Elle Brown 25 from Carlisle

We open this week’s show with an establishing shot of the medieval stone structures that form the gates of the old city walls in the center of Carlisle. Two stories tall, rounded buildings with battlements, between them a wall, and in the wall an arch big enough for two lanes of traffic to pass through. We move through the gates, seeing newer buildings inside on either side of the road. Still over a century old, the lower level of these buildings has been converted into large-windowed...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s11e16 Brooke Lister 24 from Bournemouth

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a quiet, uncrowded street ... Residences on one side, old post-war double-storey buildings on other. Shopfronts with flats above, dormer windows on the rooftops indicating that even the attic space has been converted into accommodation. At street level there are newsagents, real estate agents, and (covering two shop fronts) a large bicycle shop – proudly sign-posted as being open 7 days a week... Infront of the store, facing away from us...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S11 E17 Martha Randon 36 from Atherstone

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of an old-fashioned market square – cobble stones surrounded by bollards to protect the pedestrian shoppers, then a road around the outside, and beyond that old, whitewashed buildings – shops and pubs, styled to look like Tudor and Elizabethan buildings. Walking toward us, through the crowds, is the familiar round-bellied figure of our jeans and West Ham shirt wearing host – hairy everywhere but the top of his head, it’s everyone’s favourite...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s11e18 Cheryl Atkins 57 from Watford

Once again, we start the show with an establishing shot, taken on location in our guest’s home city ... This week it’s a large orange/brown brick structure – a council administration building. Concrete steps lead up to oversized wooden double doors, large windows look down from the upper floor. To one side the building continues in a similar design, to the other side a modern building with much more glass and steel. This is Watford Town Hall, and beside it the modern ‘Colosseum’...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s11e20 Lauren Jaxon 36 from Solihull

Unusually for our show – we begin by showing an old clip ... A slimmish, young woman, with dark shoulder-length hair, in a cramped room, with a golden retriever dog on her back, humping into her – making her gasp and yell through an open mouth – an unmistakably smile of wonder as she is pounded ... Her arse is soft under the assault, and her boobs hang down, jiggling as he pumps into her... We hear her voice echoing in voice-over, “My name is Becky Millington. I’m 32 ... And I can’t wait to...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series S12E1 Felecia Istead 18 from Nottingham

We begin by fading in on an establishing shot of a large two-story building with big letters high on its second level spelling out “PALMER-FRASER SCHOOL”. The ‘school’ is surrounded by a 10-foot-high wire fence and has a heavy steel gate that most prisons would be proud of. Inside the car park there several cars and a small collection of school mini-buses. A couple of pupils inside the building are staring out of the windows - staring at us, but not attempting to wave or pull faces. We...

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