The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
- 2 years ago
- 41
- 0
We fade in on our darkened bedroom set – just about able to make out the outline of the old bed ... Then the lights click on, and we see the bed in its full glory ... Or perhaps that should be its complete lack of glory. We pause long enough to marvel at the depravity of it all – this cum-stained mattress that girls have been squirting all over, cover torn, springs exposed. It’s just ugly.
We hear the click-click of heels on concrete – slow, long, confident strides ... Then pan around to see this week’s guest approaching...
She’s slim, with small high boobs trapped in a shiny white bra that stands out against her tanned flesh ... Her belly is flat without being hard, her limbs long and slim. She’s an older woman, but in very good condition. Her white, full set lingerie – the bra, panties, stockings and suspenders – all in white satin – and then the shoes, white again, shiny and clean, fresh out of the box, with four-inch heels.
Physically she’s a solid 7, even at her age – and we can tell from her confident stride that she knows it.
We cut to a close-up, getting a better look at her face. Thin lips, white teeth, a narrow nose, manicured eyebrows, quite a bit of make-up to conceal her age – but crow’s feet around the eyes are a giveaway. Her hair is immaculately styled, cut short of her shoulders, lighter on the outside than at the parting. Her expression mirrors her stride – confident bordering on arrogant. She’s a 6 these days, but we’d love to have seen her twenty years ago!
She strides up to her mark and stops confidently, shoulders back, back slightly arched to pull that belly as flat as possible – she knows how to use what she’s got. She keeps her face straight as she pauses before speaking – and when she speaks it’s with a rich, very posh accent.
“Hello. My name is Sabrina Owen, I’m 53, and I’m from Windsor, and I want to have sex with a dog!” There’s no hesitation, nerves, or humour in her delivery – she’s deadly serious.
We cut to the side of the set, a slim, smartly-dressed, middle-aged man, sitting upright on an office chair, holding a small carrier bag. He looks like he’s breathing hard, but trying to hide it. We can’t tell whether he’s excited or upset.
Then we cut back to Sabrina, now sitting on the edge of the bed, her slim legs crossed, looking quite sophisticated. She delivers her explanatory monologue with a look of superiority on her face, clearly believing she is head and shoulders above the rest of the world.
“My dear husband once made the mistake of saying he’d like to see me having sex with another man ... So I made him watch while I did. Just watch, he couldn’t join in, because that’s what he had said, ‘I’d like to watch’, not ‘I’d like a threesome’ ... I enjoyed it, and to be quite frank, I think he did too ... And I’ve barely let him touch me since! I just make him masturbate whilst I have sex with someone else!”
We cut to her vaguely husband on that chair again. Watching quietly with a look on his face that’s hard to read.
Then we’re back on Sabrina. “I like to find young men on Tinder ... The kind that are really handsome and really dumb. The less educated the better, and I invite them to our home – into our bed ... And I make him sit and watch. He loves it, and he hates it.”
We cut back to the husband, still waiting quietly. He looks like he wants to say something, but knows he’s not allowed to.
Back to Sabrina as she continues, “He gets particularly frustrated when I have sex with more than one chap at a time! There’s nothing quite like the look on his face when I’m being skewered by two big boys at the same time. He gets so frustrated, I sometimes think he’s going to explode, and then he does!” – she lets out a little involuntary gaffaw, a double-chuckle, before gathering herself.
Back to her husband, still looking demused, hands resting on top of the little carrier bag on his lap.
Then we’re back to Sabrina as she continues. “I know he loves it ... Watching me having all the fun whilst he’s unable to touch me. Knowing that I’m having more fun with them that I ever have with him. I love to torture him that way. The more fun I have, the more he suffers. That makes it better for me, and I suspect it’s better for him too.”
Back to the husband in time to catch what looks like the tail-end of a nod, his fingers spreading over his thighs and he grips his legs, trying to stay still.
And back to Sabrina, slightly closer to her face as we get to the business end of the of her story.
“I know he considers bestiality to be disgusting. He refuses to watch your show, I think it’s quite fun. I’ve told him a few times that I was going to come on, just to make him squirm ... And then I just decided that I’d do it. I can tell he’s disgusted, AND turned-on ... Look at him...”
We cut back to her husband, and he does indeed have that I’m-disgusted-but-please-get-on-with-it look on his face. He takes a deep sighing breath, and we cut back to his wife...
She lowers her voice to a sexy whisper, readying us for the action... “So, here we are ... Here I am ... Ready for action, as it were ... I can’t wait...”
As if to prove the point, and to save time, we cut straight to an image of her sitting on the middle of the bed with a sleek black pitbull – our sexy little muscle beast, Ninja ... Every time either one of them moves we hear the bed squeak as the rusty springs strain again. Sabrina already has a shoulder strap already off, and is reaching behind her back to unhook the bra as the dog stands infront of her, trying to lick her face, which she keeps turning away from him – not out of disgust, but simply in order to focus on removing her bra ... As soon as that’s off, and her smallish, widely spaced boobs are free to flop a little, and hang toward the floor as she leans forward – it’s mildly distracting and probably takes a point of her physical score, but she’s not bothered by it as she turns her attention to the animal – pushing her face forward, pursing her lips tight together, and letting him lick at her mouth...
She tries to suppress a smile as she lets his tongue smoosh her lips around, changing the angle of her face to encourage him to lick her cheeks, nose, eyes, etc. Making sure she gets a good soaking, her lips parting as she laughs silently at his enthusiasm. She brings her hands up to her sagging little tits and tickles her finger-tips under them – bringing them up to her nipples, pinching and fondling them as she casts a glance off to the side of the set – looking to her husband.
We get a quick shot of him, sitting forward, watching quietly – not giving anything away about how he feels about this ... Then we’re back to the wide shot of the dog on girl kissing ... Watching her continue playing with her boobs, the dog’s tongue flapping as speed over her face.
We cut to a close-up, right up beside her face, in profile, watching his slimy pink tongue slipping between her lips, over her tongue, deep into her mouth – her reacting by pushing her jaw forward and opening it a little further ... Encouraging him to lick faster and deeper until she begins to cough and gag ... Then pulling back and laughing, bringing a hand up to block any further kissing as she catches her breath.
Back in the wide shot, we watch as she leans back away from the dog, raising her knees and spreading her legs – using her ‘guard’ hand to push the beast’s head down toward her pussy... “Lick this ... Come on ... Lick it ... Lick it...” – and then reacting like she’s touched a live electrical cable as the dog’s warm tongue makes contact with her snatch...
She leans back, jerking and spasming with every delightful, ticklish, stimulating lick over her clit – laughing as she spreads her thighs wider, opening herself right up to him. Letting him lick her ... Encouraging more ... Her hand down on his nose – on his head – on his jowls, steering him, keeping him on target...
Close-up – watching his tongue glistening and flashing in and out of his mouth, over her pussy – between the labia, over the clit ... Fast. Hungry. But it’s the noise we notice more than the slippery contact. That wet, slopping, smacking sound only a dog’s tongue can make.
In the wide shot again – as Sabrina, her back still jerking, looks up from the dog and over to her husband... “He’s better than you ... You could – oooohhh – you could learn from him...”
We don’t bother to check his reaction this time – we’re far more interested in watching his wife reacting to that magical little tongue ... Watching as she surrenders to the moment, laying down flatter on her back, her knees still high in the air ... The dog standing between her thighs, his head down to her snatch, his hunger unabated.
She grabs the back of her thighs and holds her legs up – holding them wide, presenting pussy and spread arse to him ... Letting him lick the lot. Wriggling and writhing under the onslaught. Looking down at the beast, smiling – then looking up at her husband and giving him a look that speaks volumes about how little he respects him. “Are you watching? Are you...? Enjoying it? Mmmmmmnnn?” Letting the dog licks on, her voice rising as she confirms, “I bloody am ... I am...” Breathing loud...
Falling back flat again, head on the bed, chest filling with air as she breaths hard... “Ooooooohhh ... I’mmmmm goingggg too cummmmmm...” – eyes closing, forgetting about her husband for a second, just focussing on that magic tongue ... Wet and warm, over and over her pussy ... Driving her to her target destination – everyone’s favourite part of the United Kingdom of Zoo – ‘pleasure central’.
Her body shaking – legs especially – as she begins to lose control of her motor functions ... Shivering and breaking out in a sweat as the dog’s tongue drives her to her first dogasm.
Ninja has no idea that his initial mission is complete – so he keeps on licking, driving her beyond the orgasm and into the territory of sensory overload – one leg twitching and shaking in the air, and then suddenly losing control of her bladder – pissing, or ejaculating if you prefer, into the air – the dog finally stopping his licking so he can snap his nasty jaws, trying to bite the stream of urine from the air ... Our guest squealing “AAAAHhhh GOD ... GOD ... Yes YESSS yEESSSSS!” at top volume as she blows her load!
Series 4, Episode 11: MELISSA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on a busy street in an old English city - not a lot of food traffic, but plenty of cars...
Series 5, Episode 20: Monika (23) and Martyna Matysik (24) sisters from Walsall, originally Poznan. We open on an ultra-long-shot ... Our animated image going a step further back to show the whole of the planet ... And then an over-the-top burst of Rule Britannia sounding out over the top as the Earth turns and the United Kingdom comes into focus below us ... Then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, with the music playing all the way down ... Heading toward the middle of the country...
With everything that’s been going on in the world in 2020, we at the United Kingdom of Zoo decided that something special was needed to end the year. Rather than a 20 episode series, we decided to really go for it with a marathon 50 episode series. One girl can’t handle that kind of schedule – so we decided to enlist a group of our former guests to share hosting duties on the series ... We hope you enjoy this special opening episode, and the rest of the series, and we trust you will enjoy our...
Series 7, Episode 20: Page 3 Special We open with a montage: Still images of Page 3 girls - smiling, topless models with amazing bodies; clips of these same models at show-bizz functions and public appearances; cover shots of adult magazines with those same girls highlighted; and more ‘Page 3’ shots – blondes, brunettes, black girls, white girls, fake boobs, real boobs (but always big boobs). These aren’t the Page 3 superstars – not a Sam Fox, Linda Lusardi or Maria Whittaker of the 80s –...
Series 4, Episode 5: Carrie We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And now we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer...
Series 4, Episode 6: SAMANTHA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back and forth ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re looking at the large entrance gates of a zoo ... Large letters spell out ‘DUDLEY ZOO’. A small line...
Series 5, Episode 11: Hannah Smith (21) – Newcastle We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then our cartoon version of Charley, our top heavy host appears, floating with us for a second before she waves for us to follow her as she dives down toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the North Sea, off the north-east coast, in just a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, a beach,...
We watch a mini-montage of Ye olde English town, with snow falling slowly, and Christmas shoppers hurrying back to their cars with bags full of gifts – and hear traditional Christmas music and sleighbells... Then fade through to our studio, which has been set up to look like a fairly unconvincing Santa’s Grotto – with a couple of comfortable couches arranged infront of a large (fake) fireplace, and an over decorated Christmas tree, which is stacked with presents. On one couch – two sex...
We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the south of England, toward the massive urban sprawl that is London ... Reaching ground level in just a few seconds. From here we race through animated streets, passing traditional London Black Cabs and red Double Decker buses until we hit a wide street of three-story buildings – shopfronts downstairs, apartments...
We’re looking at the pretty but increasingly fake features of our hostess – Charley Ozvik. Her nose a little too slim and pointy, her jaw too defined, her teeth too perfect. There’s not a line on her face and when she talks her face barely moves. It’s a little like watching a Thunderbird puppet talking. A very sexy Thunderbird puppet! She’s wearing a tight blouse, the top few buttons undone to show off plenty of her fake cleavage and fragments of a huge tattoo that’s across her chest....
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... A sign by the road indicates that this is the A127, and that the next turn-off is to...
We begin this week’s show with a shot of a collection of impressive, modern tower blocks. Each has a different style, format, and color. From browns, to greys, to whites. Lots of windows and lots of balconies. We move along a new, black-topped road, toward the towers, noting the lack of old buildings, and the lack of greenery (a few freshly planted trees and a flower bed, nothing more). There’s an ornamental sculpture up ahead at the side of the road – it looks like a stack of cubes twisted...
Series 6, Episode 20 The Portsmouth Women’s Institute (ages 50-60), from Portsmouth We open with a very simple and idyllic establishing shot of the front of an unobtrusive building with a little square of grass around it. A sign reads, “PORTSMOUTH WOMEN’S INSTITUTE” A small car park is half filled with sensible middle-class cars a Volvo, an Audi, a nice VW, etc. Trees rustle as the wind blows through them. Very safe violin music plays on the soundtrack and then The needle on the record...
Series 4, Episode 12: LINDA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re on a country road, there’s a building 50 yards away in the distance – high fences all...
Series 4, Episode 14: LAUREN We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new - we’re in a semi-industrial, run down old part of town. Clearly an area that’s seen better days. Half of the factory units/shops around here are locked up with ‘TO LET’ signs stating, ‘LOW RENT’. Despite being half closed, there’s a good number of vans driving...
Series 5, Episode 19 - Tiffany Black (36) We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – just long enough to notice that this week the shot includes lines of longitude and latitude ... Then we fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the country, staying on the zero-degree line of latitude ... Dropping toward the south, toward the huge urban spread of London ... Staying on that imaginary line – right into...
Series 5, Episode 9: Tara Carver (59) – Edinburgh We open with our standard sequence – a high altitude image of the United Kingdom. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy caricature of our host, Charley, floating infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping toward the ground, heading in...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 18: Penelope” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 18: PENELOPE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something familiar... A narrow single car width country road, leading through an area of barren, rolling, grassy hills. Dry stone walls rise about 3 feet on either side of the narrow road. A few cows...
We start this week’s show with a drone shot, flying over endless terraces streets of old homes. Black roofs, barely a solar panel in sight, narrow streets crowded with parked cars... Then we cut to ground level in one of those narrow streets, seeing the cars parked on the pavement on either side, giving just enough room for another car to squeeze through. Terraced two-story houses line either side of the street, behind small walls that protect about a meter of concrete rather than a...
Series 5, Episode 13: Annalise Tsaro (31) – Dover – builder’s wife, loads of kids, ultra-protected, wants to do something crazy and independent We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level in front of the White Cliffs of Dover in just a few seconds – and we’re already into live-action. From here we race toward the cliffs, but just as we expect to rise...
We fade in on the face of a man – Mr Average, nothing to shout about, nothing to run away from ... He’s filming himself, selfie-style on a smart-phone camera. He looks excited and full of fun. He speaks, almost whispers, direct to the camera, in a mild Scouse accent, “Dear Charley, my name’s Kyle, and I’d like to nominate my partner, Becky, to be on The United Kingdom of Zoo – because she never stops thinking about having sex with dogs ... And to prove it ... Come with me...” He turns the...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...
Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...
We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...
With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...
Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...
We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...
Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...
We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...
Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...