The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55)
We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge Welsh Dragon flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with cartoonish English St George flags waving on their coast, in just a few seconds...
We saw this a few weeks ago, but this time Charley swings us over toward the English side of the water, across land and out of the animation, into real life, as Charley’s cartoon alter-ego leads us up a hill in the countryside, approaching a slim, older woman in a pretty summer dress, her long blondish hair blowing in the gentle breeze as we come to a sudden halt infront with her, with the cartoon Charley standing next to her. The image doesn’t look right, the cartoon not matching up to the real landscape – too cheap (we haven’t got an unlimited budget!).
Our guest is not bad looking for an older woman, her smile is nervous and tight lipped, her eyes cool blue, her skin fairly pale.
Cartoon Charley speaks, “Hello there ... Who are you?” It’s a very friendly greeting, but very fake too.
Our guest is well spoken, with a soft and friendly west country accent that suggests she’s a little shy, her answer delivered to camera rather than to the animated slut ‘beside’ her. “Hello, my name is Maria Sinclair. I’m a 55 year old mother of two, and grandmother of one. I’m from Bristol in the South West of England, and after 32 years of marriage I’m so bored I think I’m about to explode!”
We cut to a montage of her walking in the countryside, summer dress blowing in the breeze, walking a very active and happy dog. This is intercut with footage of her being interviewed (on the hillside) in close-up, and occasional photographs to illustrate her life story, etc.
She monologues her story over the top of these clips.
“My dear husband, God bless him, seems to think that fifteen minutes of sex every few weeks, and that’s fifteen minutes including what he considers to be foreplay, is enough to keep us going and satisfied. I can sometimes coax him into an extra session if I talk dirty to him, but – frankly – I’d like to be chased, rather than to do the chasing ... I want to have my lover all over me, wanting me...”
“When I talk dirty to him, it’s usually something very filthy ... I talk about gangbangs I never had, or my desire to fuck his favourite Page 3 girl, or whoever ... But recently, I’ve talked about the dogs on your show. I don’t know why I started doing it ... He never said anything about it ... But it really got him going – and it still does. If I want a good doggy-style shag, all I have to do is talk about Goliath or Casanova fucking me for a few minutes, and Geoff will stop whatever he’s doing and jump right on ... And I do love it doggy style ... And that just got me thinking to myself ... Goliath or Casanova, or any of the other dogs, wouldn’t need to be talked into a quick doggy-style shag ... They always seem to be up-for-it ... They’d come after me ... So ... Here I am...”
We cut to our studios in Manchester ... Once again, the corner of the set is made up to look like a bedroom – double bed, nicely dressed with sheets, blankets, pillows and cushions. Very feminine. The camera moves slightly to the side and we see concrete floor, dark spaces, light rigs, cameras, etc. The reality of a film-set.
We cut to the street outside and see a car pulling up and turning carefully into our small car park. Inside the car we can see Maria driving, and a man in the passenger seat, pointing out a parking space for her. She turns into the spot, stops, then they get out. Both looking happy and relaxed.
We cut to inside our building as Maria walks along the corridor, her husband beside her, heading toward the real Charley Ozvik. Charley is wearing another revealing, low-cut outfit, proudly showing off her cleavage.
“Hello, I’m Charley Ozvik – and that makes you ... Maria.” She says as she gives her guest a welcoming hug for Maria, ignoring Geoff, who is instantly ignorable.
“I certainly am...” Answers Maria. “And this is Geoff.” She indicates her husband.
Charley asks him, “And what do you think of this?”
Geoff is quietly spoken, a little shy. “Well, it’s a bit of a surprise, and a turn-on ... Erm ... You know, to watch her do this ... It’s not what I expected from her...” It seems like he’s going to continue, but he stops and smiles instead. A stupid, nerdy smile.
Charley nods, then turns back to Maria, asking her, “Are you ready for a life-changing experience?”
Maria smiles broadly and nods. Beside her, Geoff looks like he’s about to pass out.
We cut to the inside of the studio, Maria standing beside the bed, Geoff sitting on the end of it. She’s undressing very casually – almost as if she doesn’t realise the camera is on her. As she strips, she continues to talk.
“I’d like it to be Casanova or Goliath ... But I really don’t care ... Just so long as it’s a big dog...” Blouse off, skirt unzipped and dropped to expose a slim but not exactly hard body.
“It’s got to be doggy style ... I just want to be fucked hard...” She says as she peels her black panties down, bending away from the camera to give us the view the dog will have soon. Her big, but firm arse. Slim but strong thighs.
She unhooks her bra then turns to face us again, showing off a nearly trimmed but dark little landing strip of pussy fuzz, then letting that black bra drop away to expose a decent pair of C-cup boobs, sagging a little but in decent shape for a lady in her 50s.
“I’m not bothered about sucking his cock, but I’ll do it if that’s what he likes ... I just want a big doggy cock inside me...” She flips her blonde hair back over her shoulders and takes a breath, smiling the whole time. Anticipating a lot of fun.
Geoff sits off to the side, still looking like he’s in shock.
Charley speaks over the shot, from off camera. “So ... A big dog...” Maria nods, then Charley continues, “To fuck you hard...” Maria nods again, then we cut to Charley...
“Then let’s see what we’ve got in store for you...”
They both look off to the far side of the studio floor as the big loading bay door squeaks and rolls open a few feet ... For a second it’s just daylight spilling in from outside, we can’t make out who the dog or the owner are...
They approach, gradually coming out of silhouette revealing them to be Dennis and his highly trained Doberman, Casanova. There’s no extended herald from Dennis these days – it was decided that was all about making him the star – and we all know the beast is the star, and they can let their cock’s do all the ‘talking’...
Once they are close enough and the dog has spotted his bitch, Dennis lets him off his leash. Casanova bounds over to Maria and doesn’t hesitate to introduce himself, pretty much trying to mount her whilst she’s still standing up – which makes her laugh. “Keen, isn’t he?”
She tries to control him, her hands on his head, his neck, his back – pushing him away and down, trying to calm him down, as she looks over him toward our cameras. “Would you like me to get on the floor, or should we do it on the couch?” She asks, completely open to whatever the director might suggest. He confirms that he thinks the floor will look best. “More demeaning...” She says, with a knowing little smile.
She tries to drop to the floor, but every time she bends her legs Casanova makes a move to mount her and sets her off balance ... So Dennis steps in and takes hold of his collar, pulling him away to give the old girl a chance to get comfortable. Casanova continues to pull so hard that his front paws are held off the floor, his belly, and a red-lipstick tip of his dick on show...
Maria drops to the floor carefully, kneeling on one knee first, then onto both of them – we can see that kneeling isn’t exactly comfortable for her. Then she leans forward, putting her hands down - finger tips, long and red, tapping against the hard concrete.
She wriggles around, her bottom in the air, slightly sagging, boobs forming into cones and pointing to the floor, then looks up to camera, smiles a thin-lipped smile, and - in her sexiest accent, huskily whispers, “I’m ready...”
Casanova is let loose and straight to her. He sniffs and licks at her face, and she lets him, her mouth closed as he gets a few quick licks in across it. He stops licking and follows his nose around behind her, sniffing at her arse.
Maria takes a sharp breath, a little shocked by the sudden arrival of a dog’s tongue between her thighs. Then a smile stretches across her face as she realises that she is enjoying the sensation.
In the background we can see Geoff still watching on. More amazed than happy.
The sleek dog changes his angle, delving deeper into the wide gap between Maria’s narrow thighs. His tongue working her pussy, sliding between the lips, inside, over and over. Clearly enjoying the taste. Wagging his tail stump as he licks.
She tips her head back, her neck straightening, all the wrinkles disappearing. The smile on her face genuine, and proof of just how much she is enjoying that tongue. She looks directly into camera, smiling right at us. Raising one hand to brush loose hair away from her face.
We cut to a side angle so we can see the whole picture - a middle-aged lady on her hands and knees, with a dog behind her licking the hairless pussy between her thighs.
She breaths through the intense sensations – trying to keep calm. Savouring the moment, but apparently wanting to save something for later.
“Do you want him to fuck you?” Charley asks in her sexiest, almost taunting tone. “I bet you do...”
Maria bites her lip a little, still enjoying the tongue, but manages to look toward Charley and nod her approval of the idea.
Geoff sits forward on the bed, not wanting to miss this...
Charley shuffles up beside Maria on her knees – pushing Casanova’s snout away from the older’s woman’s wet pussy, and encouraging him to mount the bitch. Patting her behind, and saying, “Come on, Casanova ... Time to fuck a slut ... Come on boy ... Fuck a slut ... Fuck a slut...”
Casanova enjoys the taste of a woman’s cunt, but he far prefers the feeling of one wrapped around his big cock – so he doesn’t take much tempting ... Backing off, then stepping up again, pushing up behind her, rearing up so that his front paws can wrap around her hips, pulling his chest up and over her arse. Coming down on her, his weight on her back – his cock, big and heavy under him, handing down behind her saggy arse.
He starts to hump her from behind, the tip of his cock rubbing around, pumping pre-cum onto the woman’s bottom. Not inside her, but not far off. Maria huffing and puffing as she tries to control her breathing. Trying to stick her arse out toward him, trying to steer her pussy toward his cock...
Everything aligns perfectly – and the dog is inside Maria in less than a second – making her grunt “Oh Good fucking God!” as his cock slides into her ... Beginning to fuck her hard. His back arching and bending toward her, his arse slamming against her rear end at high speed.
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We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
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Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...