The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal
We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the midlands in England, toward the massive urban sprawl of Birmingham ... Right down into the middle of the city, reaching ground level in seconds.
We race along a motorway behind Charley, with cartoonish little British cars whizzing by in both directions, merging through to real cars driving by at more sensible speeds, before we rise up to a footbridge the crosses a six-lane road.
Charley flies up and comes down to land on the bridge beside an Indian woman in traditional dress – a long, thin, light purple sari. Round faced, dark skinned, with long black hair and a ton of jewellery. She’s not a small woman, but she’s by no means obese.
Up close she looks more friendly than pretty. Not ugly – if she lost a couple of stone, she could probably get a pass the mark as pretty, beautiful even ... Not right now though.
The unconvincing cartoon smiles at the Indian lady and says, “Hello there, what’s your name... ?” Then smiles and nods as the lady introduces herself. She doesn’t speak with that British-Indian accent we are expecting, but a broad Brummie twang. “Hello, my name is Asha Goyal. I’m 30 years old, I’m from Birmingham, I’m married, and I’m so very very bored with my life that I want to do something extraordinarily disgusting...”
We cut to a montage of her walking along a street, laughing and joking (no sound) with passers by and the camera crew, obviously amused by being the centre of attention; footage of her shopping for groceries in an Indian market, joking with the staff, pointing at the camera. This is intercut with footage of her being interviewed in close-up, looking a lot more nervous now that there is no-one else around, and occasional photographs to support the story she is telling.
She monologues her story over the top of these clips.
“My parents were always a bit embarrassed about me. I’ve got two sisters and they’re both quoite normal, but I’ve always been a little bit strange. We’re not an old-school family, both my sisters got to meet men and fall in love and get married, but my marriage was arranged for me ... My parents didn’t trust me to find my own husband! They thought I’d pick someone who wouldn’t be able to control me...”
“They picked out the most boringest man in the world for me. He’s not a bad person, but he’s very very busaaay. He’s never out of the shop. We don’t spend much time alone together, and his idea of good sex is to leave me alone with my toys for half an hour, then come in and shag me for a few minutes, then leave me alone to finish myself off once he’s all done. He says he doesn’t want to watch me pleasure myself, but it would be a lot better if he did. I think I’m a little bit of an exhibitionist, loike.”
“I’ve always had a wide range of fantasies ... And I loike my toys ... Something noice to play with whilst I think all those lovely thoughts ... I got one of those doggy cock dildos mail order ... And I only ever think of dogs when I’m using it, and it’s my absolutely faivorite toy ... I don’t know if it’s the shape that makes the thoughts better, or the thoughts that make the shape better ... But I really want to find out what the real thing feels loike ... And what it feels loike to have all that yummy doggy cum shooting inside me!”
She smiles into camera, a wicked glint in her dark eyes, and we cut to our studios in Manchester.
The corner of our set is set up to look a bedroom – with a double bed covered with nice, clean, white sheets, pillows and a hotel tight blanket. We can see filming lights, cameras and microphones all pointed at the bed. Everything is clean and crisp and white ... For now.
We cut to the street outside and see Asha walking along the street toward us. She looks like she’s been walking for quite a distance (it’s about 2 miles from our studio to the nearest train station), and her sari is looking a little sweaty, as is her dark face.
We cut to her much closer to the entrance and watch as she walks by and enters the office. “That’s a good walk ... I’m nicely warmed up now...” She jokes as she passes us.
We cut to inside our studio as Asha enters – speeding up the last few steps as she approaches the real Charley Ozvik, seeming very excited to meet the host of her favourite tv show.
Charley is wearing a tighter-than-tight white t-shirt with no bra underneath and we can barely look away from the outline of the little gold bar piercings through each of her nipples. Her jeans are just as tight.
“Hi there, I’m Charley Ozvik – and you must be...”
“Asha ... I’m Asha ... Hello...” Answers Asha before Charley even has a chance to say her name.
Asha leans in and gives Charley a friendly kiss on each cheek. A very warm and friendly welcome.
Charley continues, “Now you’ve travelled over from Birmingham today for this, is that right?”
Asha nods. “That’s roight...”
Charley continues, “And would you like to confirm for the viewers at home what you’re here to do?” She nods toward the camera.
Asha turns toward camera, taking a deep breath and trying to suppress a big proud grin. “I’ve come ‘ere todaaaay, to hopefullay get my arse fucked off by a big dog!” She lets go of the smile, flashing white teeth at everyone. Then she adds, “And maibes, drink some dog cum, if we can catch it, loike!”
Charley smiles and gives her a thumbs up. “I think we can manage that.” She half laughs before turning back toward the camera. “In a moment, Asha is going to step through this doorway ... She has no idea which dog will be waiting for her – and no idea what it’s going to feel like to give herself up to bestiality ... But whatever happened, she knows he life is about to change – on camera, infront of all of you...”
She turns back to a grinning Asha. “Asha ... Would you like to step into the United Kingdom of Zoo?”
Asha nods. “Yes, I would.” She says, and then steps forward, opening the door and disappearing onto our bedroom set.
We cut to Asha on the bedroom set – silently undressing. Stripping down to her black underwear – bra, panties and hold-up stockings. With her top clothes off we can see that she’s carrying a few extra kilos. She’s not fat, but she’s nowhere near slim. Chunky might be an over-statement, but we’ll use it anyway. She drops back onto the edge of the bed to wait for the arrival of her lover.
We cut from this to the big doors of the set as they winding open to reveal a big and scary dog which heaves his handler into the studio ... It’s Cedric the Kumoan Mastiff. A big, mean looking slab of muscle and hair. He pulls his handler across the studio to the bed where his dark skinned bitch is waiting. He’s fucked dark women like this before off camera – he’s on familiar territory...
As soon as she sees him, Asha grins, showing off her white teeth again as she slips forward from the edge of the bed, dropping to the floor and kneeling infront of the beast.
He pads toward her, slowing to allow his handler to unhook him – then, once he’s off the chain, he moves faster toward her.
She grabs his collar with both hands, then leans in toward his face (still smiling) and talks dirty to him as she squeezes his face and wobbles his jowls. “Do you want to fuck me? Do you? Do you want to fuck my pussaaay?” She asks over and over as she reaches down between his front legs, under his belly, and begins to fondle his sheath. She’s forward!
“Let’s see what you’ve got for me, aye?” She snarls. “I hope that’s a noice big cock for me!”
She wraps her hand around his sheath, gripping it tight enough to feel the little cock inside – small but hard – then begins to jerk it back and forward, cooing and oohing as she does it. “I hope it gets bigger than this...” She looks up at camera, smiles a little. “Much bigger!” She laughs as she continues to jerk at his meat. Pulling the sheath back to expose the tip of his cock – thin and slick ... But not too thin!
She leans in, concentrating a little harder, her face looking somewhat intense, as she works harder to make it grow. Moving closer and closer, her face inches from the dog’s member ... Closer, her mouth opening – her hand still working his shaft ... Then she suddenly moves forward puts her mouth around it. Sucking in this half-erect little cock and closing her lips around it.
Cedric responds, flopping to the side, giving her better access to his belly. Big scary dog behaving like a pussy cat ... So happy to be pleased ... She follows him over, now able to lower her head over his cock, her long dark hair hanging down over him. She brushes it out of the way of the camera with one hand, making sure the camera can see exactly what’s going on. Her mouth wrapped around the animal’s meat ... The shaft growing thicker between her lips. Her weight on one hand beside his belly, the other hand taking a grip on the base of his shaft, cock straight up, mouth around it, bouncing her head up and down. Clearly into what she’s doing. A slurping sound at the bottom of each stroke as she swallows his pre-cum and her own saliva.
She keeps going – vigorously enough to shake some of her hair loose, only stopping to stroke them back around her head out of the way. She wants us to see her thin lips sucking on the dog’s cock.
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As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
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Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
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We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
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We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
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We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...