The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)S14E01: Adrienne Huntington (42) From Swanage free porn video

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We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter.

A big caption appears, filling almost the whole screen, “SWANAGE, ENGLAND.”

The caption fades, and then we see a stunning blonde haired, tanned and toned, Playboy type walking into view, around a corner toward our camera – her body barely concealed by a mini-dress that shows out plenty of cleavage at the top and thigh at the bottom. It’s our playmate-of-the-month host, Jenna McCartney – and either she really enjoys presenting the show, or it really is winter, because her nipples are almost bursting through the front of that dress.

As she walks, she talks, directly to us ... Her subject matter drawing stares, and even laughs, from the few other patrons brave enough to visit the beach on a day like today. “Zoophilia ... Bestiality ... Dogsex ... It doesn’t matter what you call it, it’s here to stay.”

She closes in on the camera until we can see her expression clearly – a sly, crooked smile, very much a “don’t-fuck-with-me” vibe - knowing and in control. “It may be illegal in the United Kingdom, but I’m from the Land of the Free, not the home of the slave ... And I’m here to guide as many women as possible to the promised land – because in the twenty-first century, ladies do what we want to do, not what we’re told to do!”

She stops and turns toward us, her back to the water, blue/grey skies behind her head, and breaks into a welcoming smile as she introduces herself, “I’m your host, Jenna McCartney, and this is, ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’...”

We cut to another angle, close to Jenna as she offers us what amounts to an aside, “Here in the United Kingdom of Zoo we only have two rules. Number one, consent is king - our ladies are here because they want to be here, and they only do what they want to do ... And rule number two, our dawgies are free, they only do whatever they want to do!”

She pauses, smirking a little knowing smirk, loving that she got to say these lines ahead of all the other hopeful model/actress types who auditioned. “So - let’s get down to business ... And meet the first guest of a new series...”

We cut to the pier and see a slim lady in an overcoat, she’s walking toward camera and smirking confidently like she knows something we don’t...

White-blonde hair, short and shaggy, styled to look like it hasn’t been styled. Her light fringe hangs down over dark eyebrows, but not far enough to hide her pretty eyes and prettier face. Her skin is smooth, very few lines - lots of make-up, and probably a little botox.

She introduces herself in voice-over, “Hello ... My name’s Adrienne Huntington, I’m 42-years-old, and I’m from Swanage, in Dorset.”

As she says Dorset in the voice-over, the figure on screen opens the front of her overcoat to reveal that she’s wearing nothing more than a brief black Calvin Klein bra and panty set. She’s in great shape for a forty-something ... Her body is rock hard, nicely tanned, with an inviting not-too-big pair of natural looking tits held back inside the bra. For those able to look away from her body – she’s still got that smirk that suggests she’s in total control.

We cut to the end of a pier – sticking out into the English Channel - there’s a small building/stall between us and the main part of the pier, but where we are there’s little but sea to see in most directions.

Adrienne has already stripped off her overcoat, and is now in her underwear – firm, round boobs (not too big) are held up and together up top, forming an inviting little nest of cleavage – just like Jenna, we can see her nipples standing hard against the bra. Her belly is hard and flat, waste narrow, widening to surprisingly large and inviting thighs. We can see that in addition to the hard nipples she also has little goose-pimples all over her. It’s clearly cold, but she’s not complaining.

We cut to a shot of her standing opposite our host, two fit blondes face-to-face, a meter apart, both sporting very erect nipples, only Jenna’s microphone between them as our guest explains herself, and the American bimbo nods along.

“I’ve always enjoyed being the centre of attention – I love it when people look at me ... An attention whore, that’s what my friends call me...” She pauses, as if she’s waiting for Jenna to speak, but Jenna just nods, waiting for more ... So she continues, “I don’t try to be anything I’m not ... I know I look good ... I’m no supermodel, I wouldn’t get in Playboy like you, but I’m like ... I’m good, you know ... I don’t care what other people think about me, just as long as they ARE thinking about me ... So, anything I can do to keep people looking ... That’s me...”

“But this is a little extreme ... I mean, most of the ladies on our show have a genuine attraction to animals, and to bestiality, but you don’t seem to have that, you’re only interested in the cameras...”

Adrienne shrugs, “Well ... Yeah ... I mean ... I like dogs, and watching dogsex is a turn-on, I think, for most girls these days ... Some want to do it, some don’t ... I’m not in the ‘I-don’t-want-it’ group – it doesn’t disgust me ... It’s like ... I’d fuck an old man, or fat man - I’d fuck a fat old man if it got me noticed ... And old men, and fat men, are just as disgusting as dogs ... You know...”

“We should have got you on the show with Dennis...” Jokes Jenna, referring to our male host – the aging, overweight, hairy Cockney legend.

Adrienne shakes her head a little, “Yeah ... Well ... I wouldn’t have minded that ... But, the dog should be enough ... People will remember that more than a fat old bloke, won’t they?” She smiles, cocking her head on one side.

“So, this really is just about people noticing you?” Jenna confirms.

“I’m not as young as I used to be...” Explains our guest. “I thought I’d be a model ... Or I’d marry rich ... And people would know me ... But ... I’m over forty... ‘Pretty’ is about to say goodbye ... And I just want to do something, so that people will remember me when I was ‘beautiful’...”

It’s quite sad really - a heartfelt little moment on our sordid little show ... But Jenna’s not about to let us think too long on it ... The American steps forward, raising her non-microphone hand to her guest’s chest, commenting that “In that case...” Says Jenna, “I think it’s time to give you the attention that you deserve...” She pinches the bump of her guest’s erect nipple through the stretched front of her bra – squeezing until she gets a reaction from her guest, then adding, “And as this is a bestiality show – what you deserve...” She gives Adrienne a brief but very sexy kiss, which Adrienne accepts whilst trying not to pull away from the nipple tweak – then adds, “ ... Is to be fucked by my big, dirty dawgy!!”

She steps back, leaving her guest breathing hard, breaking into a smile...

We hear the American call, “Action!” as if she’s the director and we haven’t started filming yet ... And our guest immediately assumes more of a character – as if she’s pretending to be a model ... Putting on a show for the cameras.

She runs her hands over her shaggy blonde hair, finger-combing it back, then brings them down and reaches into her bra to adjust her tits, correcting any ‘adjustments’ made by Jenna’s nipple pinching. She knows how to highlight her assets. She poses for a second, giving us a smile, then – having only just got her tits looking their best IN the bra, grabs the elasticated bottom and pulls it up over her head, letting the tits drop free ... Not that they drop too far. Firm and round as they are, they just sit on her chest, erect nipples pointing accusingly toward the camera.

We hear Jenna’s voice, from off camera, checking “You look like you’re looking forward to this?”

Adrienne looks down at her erect nipples and smiles, “Yeahh!”, pinching them a little and then reaching down to the sides of her panties, which she slips down her strong legs as if stripping on camera in the most natural thing in the world. “Yeah, I’m looking forward to this SO much...” She looks up at us, as if wanting us to confirm we’ve heard her. Then adding for emphasis, “I just can’t wait to be used and abused!” She pauses, then can’t suppress her excitement as she blurts out, “And fucked stupid by a dirty ... Dirty ... Doggy!”

There’s no doubt that this whore is going to give us a good show ... Not just because she’s pretty and has a great body – but because she’s so fucking keen to get started!

We cut back a little along the pier to see the real star of our show approaching along the virtually deserted pier...

It’s Buddy - our white-haired Bull Terrier – he’s short and ugly with a somewhat unique rounded snout ... His mouth is open and tongue hanging out, little tail wagging like crazy to show us how happy he is to be with us today. He seems to be sniffing his way along the pier toward his target. As he passes our camera position he looks right into camera, almost appearing to smile, then heads off toward the end of the pier ... Leaving us with a great shot of his big balls jiggling behind his powerful thighs as he walks.

Buddy heaves himself toward our film-crew, who have set up behind the building at the end of the pier – out of sight of the couple of fishermen who are braving the cold winds on the pier. Barriers have been erected to protect our privacy and a couple of big security men are making sure we’re not disturbed.

We can see Adrienne in the background, standing infront of the cameras, touching her boobs as she waits for her co-star.

A close-up shows her breathing hard, her ribcage expanding and contracting, ribs sticking out under her firm boobs, a nervous rather than shy smile flickering on her face as she licks her lips in anticipation as beast makes a beeline to her – sniffing the air, raising his head and pushing it up between her legs – not quite able to reach her pussy.

Jenna moves into the shot, behind her guest, reaching her hands around under her guest’s arms to help ‘support’ her, cupping her firm boobs for a better grip ... Assisting her guest, and complying further with her wish for some girl-girl action so that the viewers at home will talk about her more...

Adrienne reacts by leaning into her, letting her take some of the weight, enjoying the groping, and making sure the viewers know that she likes it - and most importantly, spreading her thighs a little to allow the white dog to start licking at her. His hot tongue working her inner thighs, her pussy, over the labia, between the labia, splitting the lips...

She gasps – her face lighting up. She struggles to form the words, “My ... Oh ... That’s it...” Tossing her head back, “Yes!”

She leans back even further against our host, her own hands on her inner thighs, spreading them wider to give the dog maximum access to her most private parts. Turning her head to the side, toward Jenna, as she soaks up the glory of his tongue – opening her mouth and offering it to Jenna – who accepts without hesitation, dropping her face to meet her, mouth to mouth, both open, tongues flicking out in a very visual ‘for-the-cameras’ kiss. Both of these ladies know how to play for the camera.

Adrienne moans throughout the kiss – until she has to break it off as she tries not to scream ... Dropping her head to look down at the beast. The way she’s rocking her head from side to side and gasping for occasional breaths, shows that she’s having a really good time with his tongue dancing on her cunt.

“Ohhh ... Oh my Gaaaahhhdd ... OOoooohhhh ... OOohhhhh yeeeaaaahhh!” She gasps as the dog keeps licking, taking her shaking body toward her first powerful dogasm of the day ... This really hasn’t taken long ... She’s either super-sensitive, or she’s playing it up for the camera ... We can’t tell.

It really doesn’t take long before she’s shaking more and more, clamping her jaws together, baring her teeth, and squeezing her eyes tight shut and cumming harder than a heart attack ... Bending her legs as her knees weaken, leaning back into the American, who also leans back, supporting her in her moment of weakness ... Her mouth next to her guest’s ear, whispering about her being a “Fucking whore...” and “Fucking loving it...”

Adrienne isn’t that big, but she’s too heavy for our host to support completely, so as she continues to shake and shiver under the dog’s continued licking, Jenna lowers her down onto the concrete of the pier – letting her lay back and allow the dog further access to her wet slot.

She’s rocking from side-to-side, moving her thighs together around his head, then parting them again – forcing herself to let him continue for as long as she can take it... “OOoohhhh GGaaahhhhddd! OOohhhhh nooooooo...!”

It’s only a few seconds before she is forced to throw her hands down onto the top of his head, pushing him away and rocking forward until she’s sitting upright, bringing her knees up infront of her chest and hugging herself a little. Taking a moment to compose herself, then looking up at the camera with a big smile – her face full of life. “Wow! That was the best orgasm ... Ever!” She takes a few more gasping breaths, then adds another, “Wow!”

Over the years, so many of our guests have declared a dogasm the best orgasm of them all ... It’s that combination of physical pleasure, with extreme awareness of how filthy one is being, and the fulfilment of long held fantasies ... Being on camera and about to be exposed to the world probably helps too!

Our little white monster dances around her the whole time – trying to get his snout down between her legs and her body, or under her legs. As she leans forward to protect herself, he moves around behind her and tries to mount her – even though her pussy is on the concrete ... He just sees a sloping back and wants to get on board! Each time she pushes him away, he tries to duck his head back down under her legs.

“Don’t worry ... It’s coming ... It’s coming...” She jokes with him, laughing as she rolls sideways onto her belly and boobs, then raises her sweet behind into the air, her knees taking her weight on the concrete.

She doesn’t have time to invite him in before he’s already behind her and rearing up over her back, front paws scraping and scrabbling over and around her middle, scratching her thighs as he heaves himself into position over her, doggy style ... Stabbing at her pussy with the hard, pointed, purple tip of his cock...

Arms stretched out infront of her, firm tits squashed against the cold concrete, arse raised – ugly white doggy on her back, holding tight, pumping like a maniac – looking for his target ... Staccato attacks of three or four strokes, then a readjustment, and another three or four strokes ... Her gasping, “Yes ... Come on ... Yes...”

And then – suddenly – shouting out like she’s just been stabbed with a red-hot blade... “OOOOAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!” Head up, looking ahead – a panicked expression... “Ohh GOdd ... Noo ... Nooooo!”

Shit just got real!

Buddy is holding tight and thrusting hard – super-fast, drilling deep ... And the little blonde whore’s eyes are almost bugging out ... Then snapping back to reality as she sees out camera in her face, and starting up with some dialogue for the viewers at home, “My pussyyyyyy ... OOOohhh he’s fucking my pusssyyyyyyyy!” She gasps. “I love it ... Ohhhh I love it...”

We’re not convinced!

He’s fucking her like an absolute machine – just pounding at her. Front legs holding tight around her firm body, his rear-end jackhammering into hers ... Driving deep into her. Over and over.

And she’s gasping, trying to keep the dialogue up – making it sound like she’s in heaven. “OOoooohhh Gaaaaaawwwwdddd ... OOOoohhh yeeeeaaaahhhhh ... Yeeaaahhhh!”

We cut to the rear end – his short white, bulging hairy thighs, bumping hard and fast against the back of her muscular legs, his paws stomping around between and on and over her calf muscles. Then move down and forward, looking up between their legs – moving into a close-up of the penetration – watching that hard doggy cock slipping and sliding in and out of our guest’s wet cunt. Hearing her moaning, “OOOhhhh oooaaahhh aaaahhhh yess yess yeesssss!”

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We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e16 Ava Marvaux 22

from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e19 Belinda

Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e5 Julia Green 56

We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e20 Tina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e7 Siobhan

Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e10 Alison Latham

Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e8 Rosie

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e9 Shelly

Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...

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