The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol
We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky.
We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador.
She walks up to camera, hitting her mark and putting her hands behind her back, pulling her shoulders back and presenting her chest – making those boobs strain the front of her t-shirt, nipples visible, poking through like high-beam headlights, then introducing herself and the show...
“Hello, and welcome to another edition of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... I’m your host, Petra Johnson, and this week, I’m in Bristol, where I have a very special girl, who wants to have some very special fun – with a very special friend of mine!”
We pan to the left and notice a slim, dark skinned lady walking toward us from a doorway. She’s smartly dressed and wearing a confident, white toothed smile. Her shoulder length straight black hair hangs down over one eye, but allows us to see enough of her face to decide that she’s a good looking woman.
She reaches her mark, beside Petra, and they swap looks, before she looks into our camera and delivers her own introduction in a confident, well-spoken voice. “Hello. I’m Simone Butt, I’m 27 years old, and I work for a Human Resources company, here in Bristol ... And I’m here today because I want to have bestial sex – with a pig!”
We hold on the close-up for a second, then cut to a mid-shot on Simone sitting demurely on a bench at the back of the building – she’s smiling broadly and looking very relaxed.
“I’m very much into equal opportunities - for women, for blacks ... I hate discrimination ... I’m one of those ‘everyone is a special and unique being’ ... But whilst I think that way ‘outwardly’ ... Internally, I just want to be totally degraded, and to act like a total slut ... I spent a lot of my youth trying to think of the worst things I could do ... The absolute worst ... Just the dirtiest, sluttiest, most disgusting things ... The worst thing I could think of was to fuck an animal ... I couldn’t imagine anything worse ... And then I thought about the animal that would be most disgusting – I’ve imagined dogs and horses, but pigs ... Pigs are the most disgusting ... They’re so fat and pink and ugly ... They even sound disgusting ... So, that’s what I think about when I want to get off – it doesn’t matter who I’m with ... That’s the thought...” She pauses, smiling at her admission, then continues...
“I know people look down on women who are sexually liberated and free ... And I’ve heard that some of your former guests have lost their jobs – so I know there are potential repercussions to living out my fantasy ... But my employers here - I don’t think they would dare to sack me ... Not after all the work I’ve done for them on equal rights and women in the workplace ... I’m pretty safe here – so I want to have my fun...” She smiles again, “LOTS of fun!”
She reaches forward toward the camera and claps her hands together, and on the clap...
We cut to the farm ... Standing outside the pig-barn, with Simone already stripped down to her black satin bra and panty set, her boobs full, belly almost flat, with black hold-up stockings clinging to her narrow thighs.
We swing the camera to the side and see Petra, still in her ripped jeans and t-shirt, and with noticeably hard nipples poking against the cotton of her t-shirt – ready to give her guest a final pre-fuck interview...
“Now, in a second I send you into the House of Shame, where you will meet your piggy for some dirty dirty sex ... Now that you’re here, how do you feel?”
Simone looks back over her shoulder at the dauntingly blank building and it’s foreboding heavy steel door – then back to the camera with a cheeky smile. “I can’t wait...”
“And what are you looking forward to the most?” Asks Petra.
Simone thinks for a second, then answers, “Just ... The pig ... I’m looking forward to feeling like a filthy pig-fucking slut ... And to having my pussy full of pigspunk ... Then maybe playing with it, rubbing it all over my body...”
Petra looks from Simone to our camera, “Well, there will certainly be enough spunk to cover yourself ... Believe me, I know this!!” She turns back to her guest, then holds out a hand toward the building... “Ok, lucky lady ... Away you go ... Into the United Kingdom of Zoo!”
Simone takes a deep breath, blows it out, smiles, then turns and walks toward the big door of the shed, taking hold of the large handle, and leaning back – allowing her whole bodyweight (which isn’t much) to pull against it - her boobs wobbling a little as she swings back, and it creaks open revealing the darkness inside. She turns back to us and says “Here we go...” before swinging herself in through the opening...
We follow her in and track along behind her, looking at her wide back, and her firm black arse, as she walks down the narrow walkway between the stalls, looking from side-to-side. She talks the whole way, her playful voice echoing off the shed walls. “Is he in this one? This one... ?” Looking the other way. “Over here?” Playful but impatient.
And then she stops – looking over into the last pen, and seeing him... “Ohhhhh, it’s this one, isn’t it... ?” We move around infront of her to see her face – broad smile. “He’s a biiiig boy, isn’t he?” She giggles – and we turn to look down into the pen – seeing that big fat pink monster we call Winston, rolling around on his back in the mud, hay and shit on the floor, and being smeared all over his pig, bristly back and side. His big fat belly exposed – ugly. His head swinging around – ugly. Making a loud snorting noise – ugly.
Back to Simone, looking down at him, smiling – biting her bottom lip and then looking over at us. Smiling again, all teeth – white teeth. “Biiiig boy!”
We hear Petra’s voice from behind the camera asking, “How does it make you feel, being this close to him?”
Simone looks down at the giant beast, still smiling, considering how she feels. She doesn’t look away from him as she answers. “Erm ... I feel a little bit sick, to be honest ... But excited ... Like – sick with excitement ... It’s disgusting ... But that’s why I’m here...”
Winston rights himself and scrambles to get himself upright, his trotters slipping on the filthy floor – grunting from the effort, then shuffling noisily over toward her, and looking up at this strange woman – he’s never seen brown flesh before. He sniffs and snorts at the air, his nose glistening as it wrinkles up.
Simone’s smile slowly drops away as she stares at the fat animal. Losing herself in thoughts of this monster riding her, raising a hand to squeeze one of her beautiful boobs. Then she breaks the mood, snapping out of her daydream and looking back at the camera with another white-toothed smile.
“Can I go in now?” She asks. “I want to touch him...”
We cut to a shot of her unhooking the gate and pulling it open just far enough for her to squeeze through into the pen – pulling it shut behind her. Her bare feet sinking through the inch of mud, straw and shit on the floor.
Winston shuffles sideways away from her, snorting at the air again and oinking. Maybe a warning, maybe a question ... What’s this? Why is she so dark? Is this fuck meat? It doesn’t look like fuck meat to me!
She steps toward him, bending forward and reaching a hand out toward his nose...
He raises his head and snorts at her fingers, wetting them as much as he sniffs them – and she takes a half step back, lifting her slimy digits up infront of her face and pulling a fake-disgusted face, then cracking into laughter.
“UUrrrggggghhhhh! He’s raw ... Isn’t he?” She says, looking down at the ugly beast, still smiling. “Dirty boy...”
She looks over at the camera and gives us that white toothed smile. “This is going to be very messy!”
Cut to a few seconds later, Simone in a crouched position, her hands out infront of her, stroking the fat pig, but also half holding him off ... If he wanted to come closer there’s nothing she could do to stop him, but with her hands out she feels like she can get out of the way if he moves too fast.
He snorts and oinks, his snout down on the floor, rooting around for something to eat. Apparently disinterested in our guest ... Pigs can look completely disinterested though, it means nothing.
We cut to a different angle, hand-held on the floor of the pen. There’s something different in the background, something we haven’t seen on previous visits to the pig farm ... A metal-framed arch, like a half-barrel on its side and covered with a soft blanket. The frame looks like the kind of thing that a dog would run under and through, but that’s not what it was designed for...
Winston walks through the frame, with Simone following him – and as she enters the picture we get a sense of scale for the frame on the floor ... We realise that it’s just high enough for a human to crawl under ... And just low enough, we hope, for a pig to climb on top of – his front legs at least.
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We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...
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Series 9, Episode 1: Gayle McGhee (29), from London. An establishing shot of a modern two-story building – red brick and grey render, signs declaring this to be “Newman College” A few students, all of them 17-18 year old girls, are hanging around the doorway in the background, trying to get on camera – smiling, waving, shouting to the camera – one of them posing, pulling the top couple of buttons of her blouse open, leaning forward to show off a reasonable amount of cleavage. They’re all...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
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We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
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We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...