The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a figure dressed in white.
As we drop to almost street level, we see that the figure in white is female and that the white clothing – jeans and a polo neck sweater - is quite figure hugging. The figure it’s hugging is very nice to see – and familiar too ... Narrow hips, slim belly, and big round tits ... Even in a sweater that’s covering up all of her cleavage, the shape of those boobs, big bolted on fakes, is unmistakable.
She walks toward us, talking as soon as we’re close enough to hear her. “Hello, and welcome to the United Kingdom of Zoo ... I’m Charley Ozvik, and I’m travelling all around this amazing country we call home, looking for our kind of women ... And I can tell you – they are everywhere!”
The title, “THE UNITED KINGDOM OF ZOO” flashes up on screen over a graphic showing the UK, with little pins appearing, each pin representing a location we’ve either visited, or will be visiting in this series (our 4th).
Back to Charley on the little terraced street... “I’ve travelled north today, to Sheffield, to meet a lovely young lady who wants me to introduce her to that special someone who can make all her sexual fantasies come true...”
She arrives in front of a particular house, and the door (which is clearly already open a crack, the occupant keenly waiting to come on when needed) opens to reveal a young woman, large in chest and hip. She’s pretty, in that big-girl kind of way. Big brown eyes in a round olive-skinned face and dimples. She’s smiling, enjoying being on camera, as she walks down the short pathway to the street and Charley. She’s large limbed, big bottomed, and very curvy, with long straight black hair reaching down long enough to cover her large chest. She’s wearing a heavy coat which is unzipped at the front allowing us to see a McDonald’s staff uniform inside.
She introduces herself in a bubbly, helpful sounding voice, tinged with a strong Sheffield accent. “I’m Melina Enrique, I’m 24 year old, and I’m a Shift Manager at McDonald’s in Sheffield.”
And then we’re looking at Melina standing with Charley on the corner at the end of the street. During the course of their interview a few locals walk by, one or two seem to recognize Melina – she even smiles and waves at one. They don’t give any indication of knowing exactly who is interviewing her or why.
“So, tell us how long you have had this fantasy...” Asks Charley.
When Melina answers the questions it’s without reserve – fast, loud, almost gushing... “I think I was about, erm, 12, I think ... I was online playing all those My Little Pony games, all the little kiddie stuff, and I must have typed something like “I love ponies” into google and I come across a site I definitely shouldn’t have been on at 12 year old! All these women playing with horses ... But they all looked like me – dark skin, black curly hair ... I think It was like Brazilian or African or something like that ... Sucking off horses, stuffing them in their pussies ... I didn’t know what I was looking at but I kept going back because I liked it. Then from that I found videos of the same women doing stuff with dogs – but the dogs looked more interested than the horses and the girls were having more fun. I think from then on I used to watch the videos and imagine it was me. Half the fantasy was having sex with a dog, the other half was having a camera crew standing around me recording it, like.”
Charley nods along to Melina’s answer, then asks, “What is it about bestiality that turns you on?”
“I think in them early days it was because the women looked like me, and it was obviously very naughty. I couldn’t tell anyone about it even if I wanted to. So that made it my little secret. I got obsessed and that added to it.”
“Have you ever tried anything for real?”
Melina is all smiles. “I was at a friend’s house for a sleepover once, and she had a big hairy old dog, and I played with his cock a bit ... I got it pretty hard but didn’t do anything else. We were all having a good laugh, so I just made it look like I was being silly, but, if anyone had dared me I would have sucked the cum right out of his balls!” She looks a little embarrassed, but also excited to be saying all of this out loud.
“What are you most looking forward to today?”
Melina pauses for a second to decide on her answer. “Erm...” She begins, “I think the moment when he mounts me, and I feel his cock inside me, and I look up at all of you and the cameras and that, and I know I’m just like my fantasy girls ... I think that’ll be really intense.”
“How are you feeling right now?”
Melina half laughs. “I’m very VERY turned on ... I’ve seen you doing it on tv and you’re right here in front of me now ... It’s very VERY real, isn’t it? It’s like, I know it’s going to happen very soon and I can’t wait to do it.”
“Nervous?”
Melina shakes her head. “Not at all.”
“Have you told anyone about today?”
“I’ve never told anyone anything about it until the last few weeks since I applied for the show ... I showed my mum a clip on my phone, and told her I had applied ... She said not to tell my dad! But I know he watches the show on the quiet, like, because I’ve seen it bookmarked on his computer ... So he’s going to find out pretty soon ... Hopefully he’s not having a wank when mine comes on ... Haha...”
“The big question ... If all goes well today, will this change your life?”
Melina doesn’t even pause... “I hope so ... I’ve never really had a steady partner, I was never into boys, or girls, I tried, you know ... But never into it ... It’s always been dogs for me. I think I saw those animals online at a very impressionable age and never got over it ... I’d like to find a sugar daddy wi’ a couple of dogs and you know, like, have fun with his dogs – or her dogs, I don’t mind if it’s a Sugar Mummy ... Do they exist? LOL ... Anyway, be like, a kept woman...” When she actually says ‘LOL’ out loud we can almost see the look of disgust on Charley’s face. Fuck dogs, by all means, but don’t fuck the English language!
“So you’re excited?”
Melina grins broadly and hops about on the spot, full of joy. “I can’t wait to see him ... I know what’s going to ‘appen, but I don’t know what kind and it’s killing me ... I watch every week, I know all the dogs ... I don’t care which one it is ... I just can’t stand the suspense...” She appears to be enjoying it though. Like a 6 year old on Christmas morning.
Charley puts a hand on the big girl’s shoulder and slowly turns her about face to look back up the street. “Just turn around, and all will be revealed...”
Melina immediately starts jumping up and down and clapping... “Oh, I love them ... I love these guys...”
We swing around to see what she is seeing...
There’s a familiar woman – middle aged and wearing a tight mini-dress that reveals just a little too much for a woman in her fifties ... She’s walking along the street, trying to look cool and collected, but actually being pulled along by her large black Alsatian, which has clearly recognized Charley and is in a hurry to get to her.
Charley speaks in voice-over, filling in the time it takes for Carol and Rebel to cover the distance to Melina and herself. “It’s our old friends Carol and Rebel ... And this is a couple that really knows how to party ... I think young Melina is about to have a very enjoyable introduction to bestiality!”
Melina half-runs, half-skips the last few yards, closing the distance to Rebel and Carol, bending to great the dog as they come together – chattering away in gibberish pet-talk and making a big fuss of him. Leaning in closer, letting him lick at her face – pursing her lips for a couple of licks, then laughing. She couldn’t care less whether the cameras have caught up with her or not.
We cut to an establishing shot of a large branch of what is obviously and McDonalds restaurant – but the logo on a pole outside is digitized out on corporate instructions to the producers.
We hear Charley’s voice over the top of this shot and the next. “Corporate have advised us that we can’t film inside the restaurant, but Melina has found us a nice alternative...”
And now we cut to a small brick-walled, concrete floored courtyard. A high angle shot shows that one of the brick walls is all that separates this area from the drive-through lane, which is currently nose-to-tail with customer’s cars. Crowded the courtyard – Melina and Charley, Carol and Rebel, two camera tripods and a soundman. Just outside the courtyard, the rest of the crew looking in through a doorway (and simultaneously blocking that doorway for the passing drive-through customers).
Then we’re with Charley and Melina, now side-by-side as the big girl undresses – her eyes never leaving Rebel. Charley doesn’t so much interview her, as just hold the microphone in front of her to pick up her questions to Carol.
Melina removes her coat and places it on top of a dustbin as she speaks. “I’ve seen him in action, is it always like it is on the telly, or do they edit it to make him look good?”
“He’s a good boy – it’s like that every time.” Answers Carol. “He does me two or three times a week when I’m in the mood ... Plus some random slut anytime we can find one ... He never lets me down.”
Melina smiles as she kicks off her sneakers, “I hope he doesn’t let me down...” Then she’s unbuttoning and taking off her staff blouse to reveal her upper body. Large without being fat - overweight yes, obese no. Big boobs, not huge, wrapped tightly in black bra.
“And do you actually like the taste of his cock?” She asks, ever curious. “A lot of girls, you watch them and they don’t seem to like the taste – but you look like you love it...”
Carol smiles. “Well ... It’s not that nice, but what it represents is amazing ... You’re sucking on a dog’s cock ... There’s nothing like that to get your heart started – it’s even better than the actual sex for just feeling dirty...”
Melina seems to like that answer. She’s unzipping her trousers and peeling them over her big hips and down her chunky thighs to reveal black bikini brief panties that match her bra. They look extremely brief, almost string thin, against her hips, pussy and bottom.
“Would you like to do the honours?” She says to Charley, turning her back toward her. Charley obliges, unhooking Melina’s bra, which falls away to reveal heavy round boobs with large dark nipples. Melina looks quite proud of her newly topless condition.
Now she’s slipping those tight bikini briefs off her big bum and down her thighs, over her knees and stepping out of them. Straightening up, holding the panties in a little ball in her hand. Now wearing nothing but a smile. Her pussy is trimmed short, a bad attempt at a love-heart shape.
As soon as she is naked, Rebel starts to dance around her, half jumping. He may never have seen a large olive-skinned woman before – but he knows naked female flesh when he sees it, and he knows a willing pussy when he smells it ... Melina looks down at him with a sense of great anticipation.
“Do you want to fuck me, doggy?” She asks with a big smile – still seeming to think this is the most fun you could have. Rebel is sniffing around at her, his cold his brushing against her big thighs, trying to sniff her pussy, his long tongue lapping out trying to taste what he can smell.
Charley comments, “He certainly looks keen...”
Melina bends forward again to stroke Rebel’s big hairy head, ruffling it, then holding it up so she can kiss him on the snout. Big lips soft against his cold, wet noise. He tries to lick her back and she leaves her mouth open for a second, letting his tongue slop against hers.
She straightens up again, still laughing. He keeps sniffing at her pussy, so now she opens her thighs a little, angling her pussy forward. The beast gratefully accepts her gift and starts to lick at her fleshy pussy lips, his tongue slooping between them and inducing immediately shivers. Melina is forced to grab onto Charley, putting one arm around her shoulders, in order to not collapse from the sweet sensation of dog tongue on pussy. “Oooooohhhh Goddd!” She gasps, half giggling, half amazed.
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We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
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Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
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Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
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Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...