The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)S14E14 - XXXmas Day Special free porn video

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We watch a mini-montage of Ye olde English town, with snow falling slowly, and Christmas shoppers hurrying back to their cars with bags full of gifts – and hear traditional Christmas music and sleighbells...

Then fade through to our studio, which has been set up to look like a fairly unconvincing Santa’s Grotto – with a couple of comfortable couches arranged infront of a large (fake) fireplace, and an over decorated Christmas tree, which is stacked with presents.

On one couch – two sex bombs, one brunette, the other blonde ... Our hosts – the porn princess Renae Russell, and All-American Playmate Jenna McCartney - wearing Santa hats and sexy Christmas lingerie – red with white furry ‘snow’ across the top of their perfect fake boobs, plus black stockings – eagle eyed viewers will notice that they each have a little mistletoe sewn into the top of their panties.

On the other couch – another attractive brunette in the matching lingerie, a familiar face – but not one of our regular hosts ... She looks the spitting image of American pop-star and professional prick-teaser, Miley Cyrus – but then we remember Kelly Mills, our horse-loving Miley look-a-like from way back in our 7th series ... She’s a little older, but still looks just like the real thing.

And next to her, the fat, shabby, red and white clad, shape of Santa Claus himself – complete with an oversized, and very fake looking white beard...

Santa leans forward and points at each of the girls in turn whilst giving us a distinctly Cockney sounding, and loud, “Ho ho ho...” before pointing to himself and adding, “ ... and I, welcome you to a very special Christmas edition of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’”.

He reaches up and peels his beard off to confirm that he is, of course, our rotund host, Dennis Baxter. His tone changing to an almost serious rumble, “It’s been a tough year for the people of the United Kingdom ... With a cost-of-livings crisis that’s affecting citizens up and down the country – so here at the UK of Zoo, we’ve decided that you – our viewers – deserve a special treat...”

On the couch opposite him, sexy Renae leans forward, making a point of showing us even more of her cleavage, and smiling broadly to crank up those deep dimples, gives her opening pitch in her squeaky, excitable northern tones... “Here in the UK of Zoo, we’ve had a fantastic year introducing a whole load of filthy, perverted, sluts to their dream lovers – and giving all of you a front row seat for all the best action...”

Next to her, our blonde American slut, Jenna, leans back into the corner of the couch, completely relaxed and giving off a laid back, “couldn’t-give-a-shit” attitude. She adds, in her smooth mid-west tones, “But for a Christmas special, we have to do something... ‘More’ ... One of the most popular shows we ever did was in our 7th series, when we saw Kelly here...” She points over at the third girl, “ ... Our Miley Cyrus look-a-like, having sex with a horse...”

We hear Renae commenting, “That was hot...” with a giggle in the background as we cut to the other couch, and Kelly, sitting next to Santa/Dennis, takes her turn. “So, we thought, for a bit of fun, for Christmas ... We would have a little competition between us – to look through all the ladies applying to be on the show, and find the best look-alikes we could – and then bring them on this Christmas Day special...” She smiles, happy to have her lines right.

And we’re back on Dennis. The ugliest here, but also the most natural host – such is his confidence. “Now these girls have never claimed to be celebrity look-a-likes ... They didn’t come to us and say they look like the ladies they will be pretending to be today ... They won’t be dead ringers ... But hey ... It’s Christmas ... This is all just a bit of fun – so let your imagination run wild...”

We’re back to Renae, “So, four hosts – four applicants – four ‘close-enough’ look-a-likes – and four very horny doggies ... Ready to fuck each one of them...” She looks like she loved saying this.

She looks along to Jenna, who takes over, “We’ll each introduce our contestant – let her have fun with one of our dawgs ... And then – between us - we’ll decide which is the winner – and give her a very special prize!”

We cut to a wider shot, taking in both couches and all four hosts. They look at each other, and a couple say something along the lines of, “Dennis ... You’re first...”, and Dennis takes a deep breath before exerting himself...

“Right...” He says as he leans forward on the couch, one hand on the arm, pushing himself up and forward – his knees straining as he lifts his heavy body up. He really is perfectly suited to playing Santa Claus. No padding required!

“Let’s get this special show off to a flyin’ start...” He begins to walk away from the ladies on the couch, toward the edge of our studio, and we move with him as he continues to talk to camera, “My guest has a couple of outstanding features which made me immediately think of a particular entertainer my old lady was always a big fan of...”

He arrives on the side of the studio and stops beside a brunette woman who can only be described as ‘buxom’. Dressed casually in white t-shirt, tucked into a knee-length denim shirt, we barely see her face because we’re distracted by those big, round tits which strain the t-shirt.

When we move into close-up, we can see that she’s pleasant enough, but no model ... She speaks in a strong Welsh accent, letting us know who she is. “I’m Sheila Browne ... I’m 44 years old, and I’m a nurse from Cardiff, in Wales.”

We cut to a two-shot of her with Dennis, the cockney barely managing to make eye contact as he continually looks down at her big tits, as he asks, “So, before we tell everyone why I brought you here today, why don’t you tell us why you wanted to be here...”

Our big boobed guest blushes before she answers, not sure whether to look at the camera or at her host. She speaks shyly... “Well ... I’m here mainly because my ‘usband never stops talking about this show ... And I wanted to do something to make him very very happy ... And I couldn’t think of anything he’d like more than to see me doing a doggy on the telly ... I know he’ll be boasting to all of his friends that he’s got the sexiest wife – and ‘ow she’ll do anything to make him happy...!”

“And what do you think of the celebrity you’re going to be today?” Dennis asks.

“Ooohhhh...” Sighs Sheila, buying herself a moment to think... “She’s a superstar ... And an amazing entertainer ... And a great singer...” She pauses, thinking. “I’m not American, I can’t sing, and I’m not an entertainer ... But we’ve still got a couple of things in common!”, she laughs, looking down at her large cleavage.

Dennis puts a big hand on her shoulder and turns her toward the door, which she moves through whilst looking back over her shoulder. “You step out there, my darlin’...” He closes the door behind her and turns back to the camera, “Every other day of her life, she’s been Sheila Browne, nurse ... But today, she’s going to be...” – he opens the door again and she steps into view,

And there’s Dolly Parton! She’s wearing a blonde wig, twisted and curled, pulled up on her head, with heavy make-up to change the shape of her eyes, her cheeks, mouth ... An amazing transformation ... Then there’s a black basque (that’s pulled in tight to make her look as slim as possible), with those big tits pushed up and together, almost spilling over ... Stockings, suspenders, black panties ... She’s dressed to match Dolly’s appearance in “The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas” (made back when she was in her thirties).

Dennis is taken aback, gasping, “Out-standin’!” when he sees her in make-up, wig, and costume for the first time. Her boobs are the big sell – distracting us from the facial differences – but the big wig does a fair share of the work too.

He puts his arm around her, his hand on her back, and guides her back to the space between the couches... “Come along with me, Ms Parton, and let me introduce you to one of your biggest fans...”

Sheila attempts a Southern-Belle, Dolly-Parton-esque accent, “Why thank ye kindly, partner...” as she walks with him. The accent is terrible, but we’ll forgive her considering what she’s about to show us!

As they head back to the couches, we cut away to a silent clip of Dolly Parton in a similar costume, with her hair in a similar style, singing her heart out – just to remind us of how the real Dolly looks compared to our guest. We don’t do a side-by-side image because that would make the differences too obvious. Superficially they are very similar – big blonde hair, big round boobs, black lingerie.

When we cut back to the set, they have already reached the gap between the couches... “Ladies ... This is my good friend, er, ‘Dolly Parton’, and she’d like to put on a little performance for you...”

Our three sexy female hosts welcome our first guest in unison, “Hi Dolly!”

Dennis gives Dolly a little nod, and then slips away sideways and drops down to the empty space on the couch.

Dolly steps forward in her basque, panties, stockings and suspender set ... She looks down at the floor, picking out the spot that she’s going to kneel on – taking a couple of deep breaths, half smiling but looking like she might faint.

She looks over to Dennis, then speaks up, “Erm ... I’m not going to take the basque off, if that’s alright ... I’m just a little self-conscious about my big belly...” She pauses. “And ... I don’t want to sweep the floor with my boobs!”

Dennis confirms, contrary to our previous shows that, “That’s alright, Dolly ... You’re a ‘big star’ ... You get special treatment...”

She nods and smiles, then takes another deep breath, building up courage, before slipping her panties down, reminding us of her natural hair colour by exposing a neatly trimmed dark thatch of pubic hair ... Bottomless, she is still the most covered-up guest we’ve ever had on the show.

And now, with no reasons left to delay, Dolly drops down to her knees – then bends forward to place her palms flat on the floor – sticking her wide arse back at an inviting height and angle...

Dennis signals toward the side of the set, and we cut to see a door opening – the familiar narrow, black and tan head of one of his Doberman Pincher dogs appearing ... Followed by the rest of his impressive frame. The beast looks around, sniffing the air, and quickly figures out where he’s meant to be going ... Scrabbling across the smooth floored studio, right to the couches, then between them where he gets his first view of the naked, middle-aged, semi-naked big-boobed slut waiting on the floor for him...

As he’s scampering into the room, Dennis informs us that, “Now, my boy has been very carefully, ‘warmed up’ off stage, so he’s going to be well-and-truly ready to go ... So don’t be expecting any foreplay!”

We cut to a low angle of the dog as it hurries around behind our guest, and see that he has a good three inches of hard pink meat poking out of his sheath, glistening...

She clearly tenses as he approaches, dropping her head toward the floor, leaning forward slightly and gritting her teeth ... And she’s right to do it, because he’s in a hurry ... Rising up over her big behind, pushing forward and wrapping his strong front legs around her middle, pulling tight to her body and pumping at her immediately ... Smacking against her behind, stabbing at her pussy with that pink prick...

He’s not even in her and she’s already grimacing as his paws dig into the sides of her lingerie, and his weight pushes down on her ... Each thrust rocking her forward and making those big tits wobble in the front of her basque, threatening to plop out of them...

We cut down to a low angle shot of her big meaty pussy lips being bashed and mashed by the end of the dog’s cock as it bumps and presses against her, getting closer and closer to punching between them...

Then back to the side-angle, looking at our big-boobed Dolly Parton look-a-like on all fours, being rocked forward by the big black dog on her back ... Tits slowly working their way forward and free of her lingerie.

“Help him out, Dolly!” Calls Jenna, getting into the spirit of the show.

Nervously, and carefully, Dolly lifts one hand off the floor – making sure she’s balanced – then reaches back between her thighs, takes the end of the dog’s dick between her fingers, and steers it into position ... He reacts immediately to the feeling of cool human meat wrapping around his member, and lurches forward, driving his cock deep into her...

She gasps and rocks forward, those huge tits bursting from the front of her basque, hanging forward and swinging, their shape distorted by the upward pressure from the lingerie below - as the beast takes control ... He launches into a high-speed, pounding fuck that’s nothing like this dirty old slut has ever experienced ... She’s rocked forward so hard and fast that her wig almost falls off! “AAAAhhh ... AAAAOOOOHHH! AAAHHH!!”

“Go on, my son!” Calls Dennis, grinning off to the side as he watches his dog shake her whole body, especially those big tits. The beast holding tight, looking intense as he thrusts hard and fast ... Doing everything he can to sink every last millimetre of his tool into her.

We cut back to the low angle, watching the (much bigger) cock ram into her, then pull half out ... Super-fast ... Super-wet ... Super-hot ... Her pussy lips being mashed against her pelvis, then dragging back before being smashed in again.

Dolly is gasping through it all – and now we cut to a close-up of her face, sweaty, mouth open, teeth gritted ... She’s showing no signs of actually enjoying it – but she’s not complaining either, or calling for help ... Just taking it like a good slut. One hand on her head, holding the wig in place for maximum look-a-like effect. We pull back again to see that her other hand is still on the floor supporting her weight, and those big tits are still jiggling and shaking under her...

Romeo has only been fucking for about twenty seconds, but he’s already beginning to slow down as his knot swells inside the Welsh cunt’s pussy ... Pulling extra tight against her back as he slowly locks into place ... Dolly’s moans getting louder and higher pitched...

“I fink he’s got ‘er!” Notes Dennis...

Behind the action, Renae slips off the other couch and drops to the floor, getting her head down under the action and looking up, then confirming, “Yes ... We have a tie!”

We cut down to see her point of view, looking up at the dog’s cock, buried in the older woman’s pussy, her flesh stretched around his swollen knot ... Holding the shot for a little while to see the strain her pussy is under.

Then to a wider-shot, showing the dog on her back – looking exhausted from his brief but intense thrusting; seeing Dolly under him looking twice as tired from being on the receiving end ... Out of breath...

We move into close-up, our camera up to her face as Dennis leans in to ask her, “How’s that? Is it what you expected?”

Dolly looks up and manages a half smile, croaking a quick, “It’s ... Different...”, and offering a half smile that suggests she’s actually quite enjoying this painful knotting ... Then she drops her head again so breath through the moment.

Normally we’d watch the knotting for a little longer, but with four guests this week, we’re pressed for time, so we cut straight back down to her pussy to see that ugly knot crowning, stretching her cunt wide open and then suddenly bursting out of the gaping hole ... The knot followed by the dog’s long, semi-hard shaft, which bends as the whole thing sloops out of her ... Dolly lets out an initial squeal as the knot pops, then a long satisfied sigh as the cock slips free and her pussy regains it’s shape.

Renae, who’s still on the floor behind her, quickly jams a brandy glass up under her cunt to catch as much of the cum as she can ... Holding it there as the dog’s seed slowly dribbles out of the pink gash...

Dolly stays in position as the dog pulls back and twists away off her, stumbling a few steps infront of her, presenting his rear end to her, then looking back – dropping the world’s least subtle hint ... Dennis checks, “Dolly ... Do you think hubby would like to see you suck this doggy’s cock?”

Our guest looks up toward the dog, noting that his big cock is still hanging between his hindlegs, still an impressive size – and still squirting ejaculate down onto the concrete floor ... She confirms, “I think he would, yes ... And actually ... I love to suck cock ... So I’d quite like to do it, too!” – and she gives us her first real smile since the start...

We cut to a shot of her on her back, her big tits still over the front of her basque – holding one in each hand – with her head under the dog’s belly, his big dick hanging down toward her face ... Her mouth is open and she’s playing a game of catch-the-cock with her lips, moving her head around as the beast stands over her, his dick pulsing and swinging a little with each squirt.

She catches it after a little effort – and wraps her lips around it, lifting her head off the floor and giving us an “Mmmmmmm” as she gets her first taste of Doberman dong ... Sucking it in and bouncing her head under his belly. Three or four good fast bounces, then holding it in her mouth and pulling back slowly, tipping her head to the side and letting the cum spill out to the floor ... Then another three or four bounces, pulling back, and turning her head – but this time Renae is there with the glass to catch the cum.

This continues for a minute or so before the dog begins to get soft and pulls away leaving our guest open mouthed and out of breath, looking happy with herself, and a little stunned... “Is that it?” – and then laughing a little, perhaps shocked at what she’s just done.

We cut to an image of her walking away from the set, her bare bottom wiggling as she departs – calling “Thank you” to nobody in particular.

Then we’re back to the four hosts on the couches...

“Well...” Begins Dennis. “I may be biased ... But I thought that was a bloody amazing start to the show ... Watching those big boobies swinging, with all that blonde hair, I could really imagine Dolly Parton herself was on the show!” He chuckles. “I fink Romeo enjoyed her as well!”

We cut to a shot of Romeo curled on the floor behind the couch, licking at his sheath, a little pink prick still on show as he gives himself a good clean.

Our guest host, Kelly, does her best Miley Cyrus impression – and it’s a good one – noting that, “Well ... As you know ... I KNOW ... Dolly. She’s like a part of the family ... And that ... Big titties and blonde curls or not ... Didn’t look much like Dolly to me!”

“You fink you can do better?” Smiles Dennis, knowingly leading us into our next sequence...

“Oooohh, I KNOW I can do better...” Confirms Kelly, ready to take up the challenge...

Our squeaky-voiced pornstar host interrupts, “Calm yourselves, people ... It’s MY turn first ... And I’ve got a slut that’s going to blow your minds!” – she smiles broadly, almost giggling as she leans forward and stands up – her fake bolt-on tits almost popping out of her top, which she adjusts, before heading away from the couches – talking to the camera as she walks to the side of the studio.

“When I saw my guest’s application, I was struck by how much she looked like my favourite actress...” She smirks, “Well, my favourite non-porn actress, anyway!”

We pan away from Renae, and onto our first guest ... Casually dressed in a boring blouse/skirt combination that can’t hide what looks to be a decent physique ... She’s young and fit, with a roundish face, good skin, and a neat, short brunette bob cut ... Very pleasant to look at without being a stunner, but in a strangely distracting way she’s not ‘sexy’, just attractive. When she smiles her top lip straightens and her bottom lip curls, opening up to show off her upper row of teeth and some gum. It’s probably best that she doesn’t smile too much!

She steps forward toward our camera and introduces herself in a semi-nervous southern accent, “Hello ... I’m Marilyn Hanitty ... I’m 21 years old, and I’m a student from Maidenhead, in Berkshire ... I’ve wanted to have sex with a dog ever since I first saw the UK of Zoo, and I can’t wait to get started ... No one ever told me I looked like this star – but I’m very happy that Renae thinks so, and I hope you all think so too...”

We’ve still got no idea who she’s supposed to look like, but we’re obviously happy to watch her live out her fantasy whether she looks like a star or not.

Renae opens the door to our set, and directs her excited guest to step outside, as she completes the introduction. “Every other day of her life, Marilyn makes her parents proud, but today” She closes the door behind Marilyn, then almost immediately re-opens it (via a neat bit of time-saving editing) to reveal our guest, now stripped down to a lilac/purple bra and panty set, which shows off a fairly tight body with a decent rack - and wearing a long dirty blonde wig, which seems to change the shape of her face. Renae continues, with a squeak of excitement, “ ... She’s Hollywood superstar ... Jennifer Lawrence...”

It’s not a perfect match, but the hair and lingerie match up to the infamous ‘Fappening’ leaked nude pictures of the superstar actress, as does her body – slim, with firm, nicely spaced breasts, and long limbs.

Renae takes her by the hand, “J-Law ... Come with me ... Meet the guys...” - and leads her back to the middle of the set and those couches... ‘Jennifer’ follows her, and we follow them both – giving us a chance to compare their arses...

We flash up a couple of those infamous ‘Fappening’ shots so our audience can compare the nude Hollywood star, and the nude student from Maidenhead. Close, but no cigar ... But we’re not complaining, because she’s got a nice body and we’re about to see her fucking a dog!

Then we’re back to our guest - breathing hard (partly because of what’s about to happen, partly because she’s stripped on camera for the first time in her life, and partly because she’s worried about ‘being’ Jennifer Lawrence.

She takes up her position between the couches - with Kelly and Dennis on one side, and the Jenna on on the other – and takes a couple of deep breaths as Renae slips past her, leaning in to whisper, “Good luck, have fun!” as she moves to the couch next to Jenna.

Settled – our guest slips her panties off to show off a well-trimmed pussy, then reaches up and hooks the cups of her bra to either side of her perky tits, exposing them but still letting the bra give her a little support. They sit proud, begging for attention ... And once again, it’s a look that replicates those J-Law Fappening shots ... We even put up a side-by-side of our guest and the real Jennifer to highlight the similarities.

She blushes a little, bringing a hand up to cover her face as she gathers herself. “I can’t believe I’m doing this...” – her accent reminding us that this is Marilyn from Maidenhead, rather than the Hollywood superstar.

“Well you are doing it ... So get down on the bloody floor and start doing it!” Laughs Renae, the dimples dropping deep in her cheeks.

Jennifer takes a couple more deep breaths, nodding and just about smiling as she warms to the moment... “Okay ... Let’s do this...” – and then drops down to her knees, one at a time, before bending forward, resting her upper body weight on her hands, then her elbows and forearms and sticking her cute arse out backwards.

Jennifer nods and offers a nervous smile as Kelly advises from the side, “Spread your knees a little, open your pussy up, it’ll make it easier...”

Renae dismisses her advice, laughing that, “Don’t listen to her, she doesn’t know about dogs – she only fucks horses...”

Kelly snaps back, “I prefer horses, but I’ve fucked plenty of dogs...”

Renae ignores her, raises her hands above her head, and claps – then shouts, “Send in the dog!”

We cut to the side of our set again to see that door opening – and the huge head of Logan – our big blue-grey Weimaraner pushing through the gap as soon as it’s wide enough. He doesn’t even look – he just follows his nose to the smell of sex ... As he passes us we see that like Romeo before him, he’s entering our set with a raging hard-on, already ready to get started...

He hurries across the set then skids to a half as he rounds the end of the couch and sees his bitch already in position, waiting for him ... He can’t believe his luck ... He doesn’t care that she’s pretty and slim, or that she has a vague likeness to a Hollywood superstar – all he cares about it that she’s on the floor and ready for him – it usually takes a while for them to be like this...

Game on!

“Okay, baby – brace yourself!” Calls Renae, dimples deep in her cheeks as she looks on excitedly...

We hear Jennifer let out the slightest whimper as she leans forward on her elbows – raising her pretty arse a little further – and then the beast is on her.

He barely has to lift his front paws off the floor to get over her back – he’s big, she’s small – and once he’s on her back, he actually ends up with his chest lower than his crotch, pushing down against her, making her arch her back more steeply, her beautiful breasts brushing against the cold concrete.

“OOhh, here we gooooo...” Coos Renae, watching on, still clearly excited...

The dog leans against her, lifting his front paws up and pulling them back under her body, toward her crotch, up against her thighs ... Pressing down on her, pushing forward against her...

Her face is a picture of fear ... Nervous tension ... Excitement ... Horror ... As she waits for the inevitable.

Logan bends his back, wrapping around her, bending his hindlegs to drop his crotch closer to her rear end, stabbing at her, his big ball-sack already swinging between his thighs as he aims his hard cock at her waiting cunt...

Half a dozen thrusts without success ... Then the next ... And our guest is squealing... “OOOOOHHH FFUCCCKKK ... SSHHIITTTTT ... FUUUURRRRRKKKK!” – as he slips deep into her and begins to pound hard ... Long, fast strokes, driving deep ... Forcing his little bitch to crawl forward slightly, as if trying to escape the onslaught, with the dog staggering along behind her, still thrusting – and Renae calling from the couch, “Don’t run ... Stay ... STAY!” and then laughing at treating her guest like a dog.

We can’t tell if Jennifer has stopped crawling deliberately, or just lost the ability to move, falling forward over her elbows, her chest and the side of her face to the floor as the big beast continues to slap into her ... She’s still squealing, her mouth and eyes wide open as she gasps, “OOOHHH GODDDD ... FFUCCCKKK ... AAAAAHHHH!” throughout the pounding.

Renae drops from the couch onto her knees behind the action, holding out a GoPro camera to get a fresh angle on the action – we cut to her camera in time to see the thick shaft of the dog’s big cock bowing our guest’s pussy lips wide, then wider still as his burgeoning knot pops in, and then pulls out of her snatch on each stroke ... The wet schmik-schmik sound of the in and out stroke mingling with Jennifer’s continued gasps of “OOOOOHH AAAAAHHH AAAARRRGGHH!”

Then we’re out to a wider-angle, watching from the side as the young woman is pushed forward against the floor, her boobs squashed flat against the smooth surface – the strain showing on her face, the gleam off her sweaty flesh ... The mild panic mixed with the total joy as she continues squealing, “OOOHH OOAAAAARRRR! OOOOOHHH!” whilst the dog pulls extra hard against her, burying himself into her ... And suddenly pulling to a halt with his back curved so far around her that his groin is almost pushing upward into her pussy ... His hindlegs staggering between her knees and he holds himself as close as he possibly can ... And the tone – and the urgency - of her squealing seems to increase, “OOHH MYYY GGAAAWWWDDDD!” – trying hard to suck up the pain, then almost whispering, “Ohmygaaaaaaaawd!”

We cut back down to the GoPro shot – looking up between Jennifer’s smooth thighs, up to her over-stretched pussy ... The knot inside – still swelling ... Filling her up.

Renae pulls the camera back to let us see her dog’s big bollocks, hanging down and still swaying slightly ... And his arsehole, big and brown, puckering and winking as he unloads his jism into our guest – who’s moaning, whining, gasps continue, “Ohhhhh mmmmnnnnnn ... MMmmnnnnnn!”

Back in the wide angle, we see that Renae has one hand on her dog’s back, holding him steady on top of his bitch ... Giving him a gentle push, moving him on the pretend Hollywood whore’s back.

Once again, on our regular show we’d get more angle, and stick with this long enough to show how long the tie lasted – but today we settle for one more shot of Jennifer’s red face as she blows her cheeks out, pushing through the moment, then we cut right back to that GoPro angle...

Renae has moved the camera back between Jennifer’s thighs, under her pussy, looking up to see those lips stretching wide as that big, ugly knot eases back into view ... Cum dripping out of her snatch as it opens up.

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Series 4, Episode 5: Carrie We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And now we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e6 Samantha

Series 4, Episode 6: SAMANTHA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back and forth ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re looking at the large entrance gates of a zoo ... Large letters spell out ‘DUDLEY ZOO’. A small line...

2 years ago
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  • 11
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS5e11 Hannah Smith

Series 5, Episode 11: Hannah Smith (21) – Newcastle We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then our cartoon version of Charley, our top heavy host appears, floating with us for a second before she waves for us to follow her as she dives down toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the North Sea, off the north-east coast, in just a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, a beach,...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e12 Cate Morado 36

We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the south of England, toward the massive urban sprawl that is London ... Reaching ground level in just a few seconds. From here we race through animated streets, passing traditional London Black Cabs and red Double Decker buses until we hit a wide street of three-story buildings – shopfronts downstairs, apartments...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e2 Raquel Ferdinand 33

We’re looking at the pretty but increasingly fake features of our hostess – Charley Ozvik. Her nose a little too slim and pointy, her jaw too defined, her teeth too perfect. There’s not a line on her face and when she talks her face barely moves. It’s a little like watching a Thunderbird puppet talking. A very sexy Thunderbird puppet! She’s wearing a tight blouse, the top few buttons undone to show off plenty of her fake cleavage and fragments of a huge tattoo that’s across her chest....

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e3 Robyn

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... A sign by the road indicates that this is the A127, and that the next turn-off is to...

1 year ago
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  • 20
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e21 The Portsmouth Womens Institute

Series 6, Episode 20 The Portsmouth Women’s Institute (ages 50-60), from Portsmouth We open with a very simple and idyllic establishing shot of the front of an unobtrusive building with a little square of grass around it. A sign reads, “PORTSMOUTH WOMEN’S INSTITUTE” A small car park is half filled with sensible middle-class cars a Volvo, an Audi, a nice VW, etc. Trees rustle as the wind blows through them. Very safe violin music plays on the soundtrack and then The needle on the record...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e12 Linda

Series 4, Episode 12: LINDA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re on a country road, there’s a building 50 yards away in the distance – high fences all...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e14 Lauren

Series 4, Episode 14: LAUREN We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new - we’re in a semi-industrial, run down old part of town. Clearly an area that’s seen better days. Half of the factory units/shops around here are locked up with ‘TO LET’ signs stating, ‘LOW RENT’. Despite being half closed, there’s a good number of vans driving...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e19 Tiffany Black 36

Series 5, Episode 19 - Tiffany Black (36) We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – just long enough to notice that this week the shot includes lines of longitude and latitude ... Then we fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the country, staying on the zero-degree line of latitude ... Dropping toward the south, toward the huge urban spread of London ... Staying on that imaginary line – right into...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e9 Tara Carver

Series 5, Episode 9: Tara Carver (59) – Edinburgh We open with our standard sequence – a high altitude image of the United Kingdom. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy caricature of our host, Charley, floating infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping toward the ground, heading in...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14 E09 Vanessa Moore 34 from Manchester with Jenna

We begin this week’s show with a shot of a collection of impressive, modern tower blocks. Each has a different style, format, and color. From browns, to greys, to whites. Lots of windows and lots of balconies. We move along a new, black-topped road, toward the towers, noting the lack of old buildings, and the lack of greenery (a few freshly planted trees and a flower bed, nothing more). There’s an ornamental sculpture up ahead at the side of the road – it looks like a stack of cubes twisted...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e1 Elizabeth

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e17 Penelope

“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 18: Penelope” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 18: PENELOPE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something familiar... A narrow single car width country road, leading through an area of barren, rolling, grassy hills. Dry stone walls rise about 3 feet on either side of the narrow road. A few cows...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e16 Annalise Tsaro 31

Series 5, Episode 13: Annalise Tsaro (31) – Dover – builder’s wife, loads of kids, ultra-protected, wants to do something crazy and independent We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level in front of the White Cliffs of Dover in just a few seconds – and we’re already into live-action. From here we race toward the cliffs, but just as we expect to rise...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e4 Becky Millington 32

We fade in on the face of a man – Mr Average, nothing to shout about, nothing to run away from ... He’s filming himself, selfie-style on a smart-phone camera. He looks excited and full of fun. He speaks, almost whispers, direct to the camera, in a mild Scouse accent, “Dear Charley, my name’s Kyle, and I’d like to nominate my partner, Becky, to be on The United Kingdom of Zoo – because she never stops thinking about having sex with dogs ... And to prove it ... Come with me...” He turns the...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E15 Marnie Coburn 43 from Blackburn

We start this week’s show with a drone shot, flying over endless terraces streets of old homes. Black roofs, barely a solar panel in sight, narrow streets crowded with parked cars... Then we cut to ground level in one of those narrow streets, seeing the cars parked on the pavement on either side, giving just enough room for another car to squeeze through. Terraced two-story houses line either side of the street, behind small walls that protect about a meter of concrete rather than a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e15 Kimberly

“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e18 Rachael

Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e16 Ava Marvaux 22

from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e19 Belinda

Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E06 Lucinda Glass 46 from Middlesbrough

We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e5 Julia Green 56

We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e20 Tina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e7 Siobhan

Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e10 Alison Latham

Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

3 years ago
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  • 14
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

1 year ago
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  • 12
  • 0

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

2 years ago
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  • 8
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

2 years ago
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  • 11
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e8 Rosie

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...

2 years ago
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  • 14
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e9 Shelly

Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

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