The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)s7e20: Page 3 - Horse Special free porn video
Series 7, Episode 20: Page 3 Special
We open with a montage: Still images of Page 3 girls - smiling, topless models with amazing bodies; clips of these same models at show-bizz functions and public appearances; cover shots of adult magazines with those same girls highlighted; and more ‘Page 3’ shots – blondes, brunettes, black girls, white girls, fake boobs, real boobs (but always big boobs). These aren’t the Page 3 superstars – not a Sam Fox, Linda Lusardi or Maria Whittaker of the 80s – nor a Jo Guest, or Melinda Messenger of the 90s - those glory days of Page 3 ... These are the blink and you’ll miss them girls who were in The Sun a few times and never registered enough for anyone to remember their names...
Over the top of this montage we hear clips from one side of a series of phone-calls, delivered by a man with a northern, but well-spoken accent ... This is the voice of our producer, Luke Ozvik.
“Yes, hello it’s Luke Ozvik from ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... Hello? Hello? Fuck...”
“Hello, it’s Luke Ozvik, I’m the producer of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... Hiiiiii ... Yessss ... Erm ... We like to end of series with something a bit special, and I was wondering whether you might be interested in ... Hello? Bollocks... !”
“Hi, yeah ... Well, we’re putting together a special show for the end of the series, and we thought it would be amazing to get a few of the great Page 3 girls together to try something a bit different...” A pause whilst he hears the other side of the call. “Yeah ... Well, you’d be having sex with an animal ... On camera, yes ... She hung up ... Silly cow, what did she think I was calling about?”
And now we cut to footage of Luke at his desk at our head-office, phone in hand, chatting to his next subject – looking from the phone to our camera, reacting to the voice on the other end of the call.
“Well, we were hoping to get 3 or 4 of you ... From the classic era, yeah ... And then get you together so you can share an experience...” He listens to the other side of the call, then continues. “Actually, we were thinking if you all share a horse – then you all get to do something, but no-one has to, sort of, carry the whole weight of the show ... Yes ... Oh, that’s a pity ... Yeah, I was really hoping you’d be up for it ... Not that type of girl, eh? No problem...” He’s about to hang up when he hears something that interests him, smiles, “Oh excellent ... Yes ... Can you text me her number?” He hangs up and looks into camera, then smiles again... “Well, Melinda says ‘thanks, but no thanks’, but ... She says she thinks she knows an old Page 3 girl who’d be up for it...”
There’s a beep from his phone as an SMS comes in. He looks at it, smiles, then presses to dial that number...
We cut to a close-up of a glamorous blonde who’s probably a decade past her best ... Long hair down over her shoulders, a quite wide face hidden under a pretty thick layer of make-up. When she smiles, which she tries to avoid, you get the feeling that her cheeks might crack and flake off.
She speaks with a light and fluffy fluffy Essex-girl accent, “I’m Sammi Day ... I’m 46 years old, and I’m on ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’!”
We cut to a picture of her in her prime – on Page 3 – nice tan, bleach blonde hair down over her shoulders, which are pushed back to thrust her chest out, big boobs, rock hard belly, big smile to the camera – then mix through to a wider shot of her now, dressed in a short, white toweling robe that shows off her chunky but smooth thighs, and plenty of cleavage, sitting on a stool in our studio and talking direct to camera. Her curves are softer, her hair a more naturally fair tone - she looks her age.
“I was sleepin’ around quite a bit, because I thought it was what was expected ... I thought it was a way to fame and fortune – but I was never into men, I always knew I was a lesbian ... So it was always a bit of a struggle.”
“I was on Page 3, I was in the Daily Sport, some men’s magazines ... I did a couple of Electric Blue videos – nothing hardcore ... But ... Well, I was never the top girl ... I was never going to be the new Sam Fox, or the next Maria Whittaker ... Jordan and Jo Guest were the big names, I was probably about ten years too late with my kind of body! And once everything sort of clicked together, I just stopped ... Went off and got a regular job – a regular life...”
“I haven’t had done a topless shoot since I was 23 – so that’s officially half a life ago ... I can go anywhere now without being recognised! I was never that famous that my face stuck with anyone ... My boobs maybe!!” She let’s out a little Essex giggle.
“I met my wife ten years ago, we got married as soon as it was legal ... We’re just like every other couple in the world – we have our thoughts and our fantasies, and we try to keep things fresh ... Do a little bit of role-playing sometimes ... And we had actually joked about going on UK of Zoo if you ever did, like, a celebrity version ... And if you considered me to be a celebrity ... Ha ha ... I’d even joked about it on Whatsapp with a couple of the other ex-Page 3 girls ... And then all-of-a-sudden you called me, and I told her, and we both fell about laughing ... Then I thought, why not? I mean, I couldn’t resist getting together with some of the girls again ... We always used to love to compare bodies ... I especially liked to compare my body to theirs ... Up close...” She laughs. “Then, the more I thought about WHAT we were getting together for - I was petrified about it ... But, like I said, it was too late to back out now!!”
We cut from the blonde to another close-up – this time, a dusky mixed-heritage black-haired beauty. She’s obviously a similar age, but she looks very good for it. Very natural.
She speaks with a smoky, deep and sexy voice that really matches her looks, “I’m Candy Prince ... I’m 43, and this is ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’!”
We cut to a picture of her in her Page 3 days, proudly showing off a fantastic, natural and round pair of 34DD boobs, her head tossed back and a big white toothed smile. That standard Page 3 combination of sexy body and innocent face – then mix through to the same smile, on a very similar face, her body – partially hidden by a bathrobe that is hanging open up top revealing magnificent cleavage in a black bra as she talks to us from a stool in our studio.
“I remember one time they called me the poor-man’s-Maria Whittacker ... I know Maria, and she’s lovely, but I always thought that was a pretty cruel thing to say about me ... I’m me, I’m not trying to be anyone else...”
There’s a short pause, then we’re looking at her from another angle as she pursues another line of thinking. “I’ve got a 16-year-old daughter, and to be honest, I’d be mortified if I saw her on something like this ... She used to talk about wanting to be on Page 3 like her mum - I hope she doesn’t talk about being on UK of Zoo like her mum too!”
“I was 18 the first time I was on Page 3 ... At the time I thought I was really special ... I was so full of myself ... But I was only n half a dozen times, then I was gone ... I did a lot of stuff for The Daily Sport, and Maxim and FHM, all the lads mags ... I got plenty of work because I’ve got plenty of tits!” She laughs, pushing her arms together to push those big boobs together, then continues, “I always loved being nude on camera ... But I had to work so hard to keep my belly that flat ... With my bum and boobs being big, my belly always wanted to grow – but I used to fight it so hard ... I think I must have held the world record for sit-ups back then! But my body has changed now. But it’s OK, I’m healthy. And my husband loves me with curves – he says he prefers my shape now.”
“It’s funny, but if someone had asked me to pose nude, or even topless, I would have said no ... I’m very aware of how I look these days ... But the idea of doing THIS – it sort of took the heat off my body ... I’ve seen a lot of the girls on your show, and they aren’t amazing looking – but you never hear anyone talking about their weight, or their funny boobs, or big thighs, or whatever ... They just talk about what she did ... How she did it ... It’s quite beautiful really...”
“When the offer first came in, I was shocked ... But I was more shocked by my husband’s reaction ... He was sooo keen ... I mean, REALLY keen ... He loved the idea ... LOVED it ... And to be honest, I loved the idea of being in the spotlight, everyone looking at me again – being in the papers ... I might actually get proper famous this time! I think I still look alright ... I’m just a bit bigger round the middle these days, and the boobs hang a bit lower ... Nipples a bit bigger, but breastfeeding a couple of rugrats will do that!”
We cut to a close-up of another blonde (her hair is shorter than Sammi’s, but still loose and long enough to almost reach her shoulders) - she’s still very pretty, although she looks a little scared – not quite a rabbit in the headlights, but clearly a little shocked/surprised to find herself infront of our cameras.
She speaks in a quiet but friendly, Mancunian tone, “I’m Jenny Jackson ... I’m 44-year-old, and I’m about to take a journey to ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’!” She laughs nervously at the idea.
We cut to a picture of her in her prime – on Page 3 – she doesn’t have the biggest boobs but they are perfectly shaped, and she has the cutest smile – then mix through to a wider shot of her now, her face softer, dressed in a figure hiding sweater, sitting forward on a stool in our studio and talking direct to camera, doing her best to hide her figure.
“I was never the brightest girl in the world ... So I probably would have been working at Iceland or Asda – little check-out chick ... Modelling gave me a chance to make a lot of money, meet a lot of people, and have a lot of fun...”
“I partied a little bit too hard when I was in the papers ... I was at all the nightclubs all the time, and I took pretty much anything and everything anyone ever offered me ... And it was all a bit much for me, I ended up not very well – on medication to balance my moods ... Right up to the end of my modellin’ days ... It was either retire or do more risky, adult, hardcore stuff ... I hosted on Television X sometimes, but I wasn’t willing to do more than that ... So I retired ... And I didn’t cope well with that at all ... I ended up losing everything, going off my meds, and living on the street for almost a year...” She looks like the memory is still extremely fresh.
“And then everything just sort of snapped back into place after The Sun found me and did an article, and everyone rallied round ... Some of the old Page 3 girls clubbed together and helped me out, and I’m forever grateful to them for that ... I got back on my meds, on the right meds ... And I’m much happier and healthier...” She flashes a nervous smile.
“I’m here today because I’m back! Maybe if I’d done the hardcore back then I wouldn’t have gone so off the rails, maybe I would, I don’t know ... But I’m here because the other girls are here ... I might not be young and pretty anymore – but I’m still one of the girls...” We’d disagree – she’s not young, but she’s still a pretty lady.
She continues, “I’m not worried about how I look though ... I’ve got over my problems, and I’ve embraced getting older – it’s all part of life ... I don’t usually even wear make-up these days – so today is a special occasion ... Make-up, hair, nice lingerie ... I’m a bit self-conscious, but it’s too late to say no now.” She gives us her most genuine smile yet.
We cut back to a shot of Sammi as she stands and removes the towelling robe, letting it fall back from her shoulders to the floor behind her – showing off her body, with just black French knickers and a matching heavy-duty (but sexy) black bra to hide her flesh and hold back those D-cup boobs. Her body is wide and round rather than fat. Solid.
Then to Candy as she does the same, standing and letting her gown fall away to reveal an even more curvy body in a similar black twin set of French knickers and a bra that’s barely able to hold her magnificent DD mammaries! Curvy.
Then to Jenny as she stands and peels that sweater up and over her head, revealing a similar set of lingerie – albeit with a much smaller bra for her B-cup boobs. Her belly is probably the loosest of the girls, but it’s certainly not offensive. Out of shape.
Finally, we cut to a wide shot of a large set, and the three girls walking in from different directions, all of them wearing high-heels which click on the concrete floor – then greeting each other with hugs and cheek kisses – stepping back to admire one another. It appears that this is the first time they’ve seen each other in years – in reality they all change in the same room just before the interviews were shot!
From this point on, throughout everything that’s going on, we hear the regular sound of stills cameras clicking and see the result of their flashes. The girls instinctively pauses and posing for those cameras on a regular basis – but it never upsets the flow of the show, the action always takes priority.
We hear the loud squeaking/creaking noise of the loading door of our studio being opened up – our three girls stop what they are doing and all look in the same direction ... We cut to see the door being opened – and see the horse-float beyond it...
Then we’re watching as a large black horse is walked off the float, onto the dock and into the studio ... The clip-clop of horseshoes on concrete echoing through the large space. We cut to see reaction shots from the girls, who are now all standing together. Awe (Sammi, her mouth hanging open in a broad smile), excitement (Candy, her hands coming up to her boobs as she watches), fear (Jenny, looking from side-to-side at the other girls as much as the horse – seeking security from company).
As the horse is walked around the studio, calmed down and prepared for the shoot, we move over to the girls for their thoughts and reactions. We occasionally cut back to Champion, watching him twitch and settle – taking in his magnificence – using low angles and shooting upwards to make him look even bigger.
Sammi comments that, “He’s amazin’ ... He’s bloody huge...”
Jenny adds, “It’s scary...”
Candy looking away from the horse to the others, “Oh my God ... We’re going to fuck that!” She gasps. “Oh my God! What are we getting ourselves into!”
“More to the point, what are we getting him into?” Laughs Sammi.
The girls move closer together as they watch the horse and comment. Putting arms around each other, Sammi positioning herself in the middle, with an arm around each of her girls – them with an arm each around her, Candy still using her spare hand to cup and squeeze one of her boobs.
The horse is turned around again, partly to settle it a little – but mainly so we can watch it turn around, hear its shoes clicking on the hard studio floor, and see the girls reactions.
Sammi looks from Jenny and Candy, then confides in us that, “It’s just amazing to be here with these two girls, about to do this...”
Jenny looks back at her and confirms, “Yeah ... I wouldn’t have done something like this on my own. I’ve watched the show and thought about what it would be like, but I couldn’t do it, not with my background, not having everyone talking about me being the Page 3 girl on UK of Zoo ... But as one of three ... The others will take some of the heat off me...”
“You won’t be the only horse-slut in town!” Jokes Candy.
Sammi notes that, “It’s hard to come out in public and admit something different ... Anything taboo ... But time moves on ... I mean, twenty years ago, not many girls even admitted to being lesbians ... I mean, I never came out when I was modelling, but I’ve always been a lesbian ... I always knew it ... I think when I did the softcore people thought I was doing that because it was like, less extreme, than doing stuff with guys - erect cocks and all that ... But I loved it ... Getting a free hit with another hot girl ... Getting paid for it! Keepin’ my little secret...”
Jenny cuts in – “I did a photoshoot with her once, all very innocent, bikinis and smiles, nothing too sexy, but she tried to touch me up a few times – I knew what she was up to...”
Sammi covers her mouth, genuinely surprised, and gasping, “I didn’t realize you picked up on it...”
“Oh, I picked up on it, I just wasn’t interested ... I was young, I didn’t get the whole lezzie thing – I was too interested in cock ... But I figure today – there’s more than enough cock to share!!”
Sammi sees her chance... “So, you’d be up for it now... ?” She smiles, stepping toward the more petite woman.
Jenny nods, her shy little smile appearing almost tauntingly... “So long as your wife won’t mind...”
Sammi moves in closer and Jenny lifts her face up toward the curvy blonde’s mouth and they come together for our first kiss of the day ... Two girls - one lesbian, the other straight - sharing an intimate little moment ... Then the mood is broken as we hear the horse whinny – almost as if he’s jealous that the girls are giving each other too much attention and he feels it’s his turn...
Sammi turns her face away from Jenny, to Candy – offering her lips, and Candy accepts ... Her dark mouth and bright red lips coming up against Sammi’s heavily made-up face and soft lips – then the lips peeing back to show off their tongues - as they exchange a kiss that is more tongue than lip...
We cut to look at Champion and watch as his cock grows on camera – with no stimulation other than the atmosphere in the room, it’s as if he is turned on by watching these D-list celebrity ex-models kissing ... Eight inches of cock ... Ten inches ... Twelve...
Then we’re back to watch as Sammi leans back, pulling Jenny toward Candy – the slim blonde and the busty dusky babe coming together in a somewhat awkward kiss – neither of them fully committing. It’s even more for show ... And Sammi’s enjoying the show – until...
Champion lets out a loud snort and a whinny ... Sensing the sex in the air and really wanting to get some attention...
Candy breaks off the kiss and, looking at the huge horse, comments – with a smile... “Okay girls ... It looks like he’s ready for us...”
She pulls away from the other two and starts toward the horse, Sammi following her – reaching back to take Jenny’s hand and bring her along too – with Jenny reluctantly following. It seems pretty obvious that Candy is keen to play with the horse, whilst Sammi is here more for the girls, and Jenny is just ‘here’...
She walks quite confidently toward the magnificent animal, her high heels clicking on the concrete – right up to him, reaching out to run a hand up from his nose, between his eyes to the top of his head, letting out a little sigh and smiling as she feels him. She turns her head back to her friends and comments that, “Oooohhh, he’s real ... Shiiiit ... This is happening... !”
We get a quick shot of Sammi and Jenny, still holding hands, standing a couple of meters away, giving curvy Candy space to do her thing...
Then back to the dark-skinned beauty as she moves to the side of the horse, running her hand down his neck, to his shoulder, along his flank ... Looking from the horse to our camera, pouting sensually for us, then looking back to the horse – clearly excited by being this close to him. She runs her hands down his side, then under his belly ... Bending/crouching so that she can reach under him toward his huge cock, which is still hanging there, huge but still only semi-erect – and taking hold of the end of the shaft ... Pulling it out sideways toward her, briefly looking over her shoulder toward the others. “I’m touching it... !!” She half cringes, then brightens up again, and continues, “I’m holding a horse’s cock!”
She continues to hold the end of the massive member, moving her hand around on the tip, then reaching in with her other hand and stroking along the shaft...
Standing behind her, Sammi is removing her bra, letting her big white boobs hang loose – they sag as you’d expect a middle-aged woman’s boobs to sag ... Then she moves up behind Candy, leaning over her – and unhooking her bra...
Candy does nothing to stop her, letting the bra fall forward away from her large boobs, which hang free and loose, swaying gently as she moves around stroking the horse’s shaft. Pressing her fingers and palm against the soft outer layer of the erect cock. Whispering, “That’s soooo big...”
Sammi lets her hands slip around Candy’s body, under her arms and down the side of her boobs, cupping and holding them ... Leaning forward over her dark back so that white boobs press against Candy’s tanned flesh, bringing her mouth down close to her friend’s ear.
“You need to suck his cock – or it’ll be midnight before we get our turn!” She taunts.
Candy laughs – then drops to her knees under Champion, leaning forward under hie belly, toward that huge cock – sliding the hand from the tip down along the shaft, taking a hold on it - opening her mouth and taking half of the flared head between her lips – sucking on the tip at an angle, and sighing around it. Looking like she’s somewhere near heaven already.
Sammi is crouching behind her, still reaching around to cup those big brown boobs ... Nipples trapped between her fingers. Watching over her shoulder, “Oh my God, that looks so filthy...”
Candy continues to work the head of the cock into her mouth, a little more with each move, constantly accompanied by the sound of her sighing and moaning with excitement. Gripping the shaft firmly, stroking it up and down toward her face, the tip stuffed in there. Lips sealed around an organ that’s almost too big for her mouth.
Jenny is removing her bra, freeing her smaller (but still nicely rounded) boobs, as she moves in closer and drops to her knees next to Candy – she looks nervous, but determined, as she gets an up close look at her friend sucking on the horse’s cock just inches away from her. She looks up at our camera, making sure she isn’t blocking our line of sight, flashing us a nervous little smile as she brings a hand up to join Candy’s on the shaft of the pony’s prick...
“Oh yeah ... Go on ... Join in...” Encourages Sammi from behind the pair.
Jenny’s fingers grip the shaft just above Candy’s – and she continues to pump it toward the bigger girl’s mouth. They continue for a few seconds, then Candy slowly eases her head back, pulling the head of the cock out from between her lips – the end flaring out as it pops clear. She pulls her head back, opening and closing her mouth again as she stretches out her jaw. “Oh God, that’s intense...”
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- 31.12.2022
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