The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)S13E01: Christina Bruce (42), From Belfast free porn video
With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe...
And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat, balding yet hairy everywhere BUT his head ... It’s Cockney geezer Dennis Baxter...
Beside him, his sleek, black, mean-looking Doberman – Casanova ... The beautiful beast that the ladies lust after...
Unusually for Dennis he’s not shouting this week – it’s more of a whispered introduction, as he tries to keep his approach ‘secret’... “Ello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another series of the ‘United Kingdom of Zoo’...”
He crosses the road, pausing to let a transit van pass, it’s almost too perfect a coincidence that the van is advertising dog grooming services ... As he crosses, our host continues his introduction – occasionally looking back toward the camera. “I’m Dennis Baxter ... This is Casanova ... And this week we’ve come all the way to Belfast, in Norven Ireland...”
Dennis walks down a narrow pathway, through to the back of the house, with Casanova moving ahead of him... “And we’ve come ‘ere to surprise another lovely lady who wrote to us asking if Cass here could pay her a personal visit...”
As we enter the backyard, we can see a sign above the door of a two-car garage that reads, “X-TINA X-FIT”. Dennis pauses just outside, catching his breath. Just walking into the exercise studio has got him in a sweat ... We can only imagine how he’d look if he were given a serious work-out!
The camera moves past Dennis, moving over his shoulder to sneak a look into the gym to see a slim-looking middle-aged blonde woman training an older, slightly chunkier woman.
We cut to a low quality home-video shot – submitted online – as the personal trainer introduces herself. A bright, slightly harsh, Belfast accent coming from her lop-sided mouth.
“Hello ... My name’s Christina Bruce ... I’m a 42-year-old personal trainer from Belfast, in Northern Ireland ... I’m married, and I’ve got two beautiful young daughters who’ve both headed off backpacking around Australia ... And I think it’s time for me to exercise the same kind of adventurous spirit as them ... So that’s why I’m applying to be on the show ... Because I want to try something different ... To challenge myself ... Conquer my fears...” She pauses, then breaks out in a big, white-toothed smile, adding, “Because I’m a dirty cunt, so I am!”
We cut back to watch her training her client. Her business may be called “X-Fit”, but she seems to be doing a far more sedate routine – toning exercises rather than the insanity of cross-fit.
Back to the video intro, “I started my business years ago because I had a lot of extra energy to burn-off ... I’ve always been a very physical person, and making money off that seemed to be the way to go. I figured I could either train people, or become a dog-walker ... Or a prostitute ... Haha ... So I decided to train people ... But I suppose you could say that I’m beginning to think I made the wrong choice – maybe I should be exercising dogs, or being a prostitute ... Or a little bit of both...” She laughs at her own comment.
We cut back to her back yard to watch Dennis bending over toward Casanova, ruffling the top of the dog’s head and his neck – whispering to him to wind him up, “OOooohh ... She’s a fit girl ... Gonna be a lot of exercise ... Give you a good run, eh? Lucky bwoy!”
Back to the video intro. “My business mainly caters to middle-aged ladies trying to recapture their youth – or new mummies trying to lose their baby tummies ... And I just find that it keeps making me think of my youth, before my babies, and what a kinky bitch I used to be ... I used to have all kinds of fantasies, and some of them even involved dogs ... I don’t remember where the idea came from, I just remember thinking it was very sexy, because it was very wrong ... I’m a good Catholic girl, so I am...!”
We cut to a shot in the yard, the training session appears to have ended, and the chunky guest is stumbling out – covered in sweat, hair a mess ... She sees the cameras and turns her head away, hiding her face and laughing a little in embarrassment ... She probably has no idea where we’re from – she just knows she doesn’t look her best and she doesn’t want to be on camera looking this way ... Dennis reaches the door behind her and pulls it open so that he and his dog can enter...
We cut to a final shot from the audition video. “My ultimate fantasy would be to have no idea it was coming – for the whole thing to be arranged behind my back ... Just take me completely by surprise so I don’t have any time to think about it ... I’d just have to dive in with both feet...”
And on that we cut to Dennis and Casanova entering the exercise studio – Christina turning, looking confused at first – then shocked – then wide-eyed with shock... “Are you...? Oh ... My ... Gaaaawwwd! I made the appointment, and I didn’t even look at the name ... I thought the email said, ‘Denise’...”
She’s an impressive figure – square through the shoulders, wide backed but not oversized – toned rather than muscular. A healthy pair of tits encased in a skin-tight t-shirt (with her company logo on the front), with just enough sweat to make it cling (and from the way it clings, and the lack of definition in the tits, we’re guessing a pretty strong sports bra underneath).
She looks down at the Doberman and gasps another laugh. “Ohhh fuuucckkk ... This is happening, isn’t it? Today!?”
“Absolutely...” Confirms Dennis... “But we’re big believers in consent here on the United Kingdom of Zoo – so if you want to stop you just say so...”
“Oh hell no!” She laughs. “If I stop I’ll never start again ... That’s the trick – keep moving forward ... Once you start, keep going until you can’t go anymore...”
Dennis looks down at Casanova and says, “What did I tell you, bwoy? This one’s gonna be a LOT of exercise!”
She grabs the bottom of her top, and holds it up over her belly, but still below her tits – smiling, and commenting, “I hope you didn’t want to interview me – because I’m not going to waste a minute here...” – still smiling as she peels the t-shirt up over her head, confirming the presence of the sports bra.
She shakes her long blonde hair back away from her face, and then reaches for the bottom of her bra, beginning to pull it away from her chest ... Then looking into our camera and announcing, “My name’s Christina – and I’m here to have sex with a dog! Because I’m a who-are!” – and then reaches pulls the top up off a pair of hard, almost certainly fake tits. They’re sitting wide on her chest, a completely different colour to the rest of her flesh due to sharp bikini tan-lines.
“Don’t worry about interviews ... We’re a dreams-come-true show, the interviews are just to find out what the dreams are, and I think it’s pretty obvious what yours is!!” Jokes Dennis.
Christina is racing ahead, already gripping the top of her active-wear leggings, and the elastic of her panties within, and pulling them both over her hips/firm buttocks and down her thighs – and peeling them off, one leg at a time, revealing a panty tan-line to match her chest, and a pair of powerful toned thighs. Classic cross-fit.
She stands for a moment, raising her hands to her hips and flexing her muscles a little for effect as we take in the full-length picture...
The tanlines are so strong that anyone only catching a quick glance might think she’s wearing a white bikini ... We’re not taking a quick glance though – we’re lingering ... Taking in the physique. The muscle tone. The tanned skin. The hairless pussy, with an oversized vulva (and pierced clit). The fake tits, sitting abnormally far apart without a bra to keep them in position.
Even for those who don’t find strong women attractive, she’s an impressive sight. Definitely not bad for an over forty. Her face, on the other hand, isn’t much to boast about. She’s not ugly, but the strong jaw and the small eyes, plus the pale eyebrows (plucked to a minimum) make her head look almost pear-shaped.
Dennis steps back into frame and moves slowly, as if he’s throwing a slow-motion punch her belly. Our guest stays in position, not at all bothered by his move. “You can punch it if you want...” She smirks.
“Naaaaahh ... Naaaaaaaaahhh...” Growls Dennis defensively. “I’d never hit a woman ... That isn’t right ... Only wankers threaten women ... I just let them fuck my dog...” He pauses, his guest tensing up, then he asks. “Would you like to fuck my dog?”
She smiles again, “I thought you’d never ask!”
Obviously, she knew he was going to ask – but the polite banter is always welcome ... Not that there’s any more forthcoming, because our Irish slut is already dropping down onto her knees on the padded floor to get better acquainted with our sleek black beast...
She runs her fingers around her fake tits, tracing around her nipples – then moving in and pinching them, bouncing them up and down and snarling at the dog as he moves around her.
The lean Doberman moves up against Christina’s wide back, pushing against her without trying to mount – drawing a smile from his soon-to-be bitch ... Then moves around to her side, at which point she releases her nipples and pushes him away playfully ... The foreplay has begun!
As she pushes him away, she moves forward – leaning onto one hand whilst pushing with the other - making sure she raises her firm arse into the air ... She smiles and gasps with excitement as she pushes, then strokes the dog, letting her hand wonder down under his belly to brush his sheath... “Oooohhh, he’s a heavy boy ... That’s gonna be a big cock, isn’t it...? Isn’t it, eh? A big doggy cock all for me...”
“You stay in that position for a few more seconds and you’ll get that big cock sooner than you think...” Chuckles our Cockney host.
Christina smiles, giving the dog one more push on the hindquarters, like she’s trying to turn him around to look at her, trying to make him see the position she’s in... “I fecking hope so ... I fecking hate foreplay!!” She laughs/cries, as if she’s already getting frustrated – even though she’s only been on the floor for seconds. “I just wanna get fuuuuuuuurrkkked!” – then adding, “By your doggy!” (we sense she’s adding this for herself, rather than as a direction or for the viewers at home).
It’s at this point that Casanova realises she’s already in position, his ears pricking up – his body language changing as he makes an immediate move around her, one paw rising up onto her arse even before he’s behind her.
We cut to a wide angle where we can see that her muscular belly, running straight from her ribs to her hips – hard as a rock, but still managing to quiver with excitement as the dog moves to mount her ... Dropping her face down to the padded floor, then turning her head to the side so that she’s half smiling, half grimacing to the camera ... Using one hand to stroke long blonde hairs from her face to behind her head.
Casanova uses the paw on her back as a swivel as he swings behind her and pulls up onto her back – paws scraping over her firm around, around her hips, under her belly – pulling his strong body onto hers ... Then lurching forward with a sense of urgency that only an old dog can manage...
The tip of his cock slapping against her pussy lips, then hitting the target – making our guest gasp, “OOohhhhh!” – and then pumping on ... Hard and fast – setting an insane pace. His rear end is a blur of black fur as he smashes into her over and over...
She’s grimacing – but we can see the smile behind the grimace ... Her lips curling up a little to the corners as her whole body jerks along with the pounding... “OOooohhh ... Ooooohhh ffffuuucckkkk!”
We cut down to a low angle, looking up between her toned thighs – our camera lights making the wet shaft of the dog’s cock glisten as it pistons in and out of our guest’s pussy, dragging those big lips in and out with it. Her “OOooohhh ... Ooooohhh ffffuuucckkkk!” repeating, suggesting that we are watching the same footage as before from another angle.
Haven
- 12.12.2020
- 13
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