The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)s4e9 - Shelly free porn video

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Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures...

Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually deserted – except for a familiar figure of our host, Charley, walking toward us. She’s wearing a big, red, woollen winter coat, but it’s open at the front to reveal her white figure-hugging polo-neck sweater inside.

She walks toward us, hands in pockets for a change, it’s obviously pretty cold today. She talks through a confident smile (which appears brighter than in previous weeks due to a course of dental treatments since she met Siobhan two weeks ago), relaxed and increasingly comfortable as a presenter... “Welcome to the United Kingdom of Zoo. I’m Charley Ozvik, and I’m travelling all around the UK in search of ladies who want to push the boundaries of sexual depravity...”

The title, “THE UNITED KINGDOM OF ZOO” flashes up on screen over a graphic showing the UK, with little pins appearing, each pin representing a location we’ve either visited, or will be visiting in this series. This time the pin is flashing on the north-eastern coast of England.

Cut back to Charley on the windswept coastline. She raises her microphone which picks up a lot of wind-noise... “I’m here on a cold and miserable day in Yorkshire’s favourite seaside retreat – Scarborough ... I haven’t come to work on my tan, and that’s a bloody good job because it’s freezing here ... I’ve come to meet a young lady who will hopefully help us raise the temperature a little...”

We cut to a little further along the promenade. Virtually deserted concrete with only a few foolhardy tourists taking in the site of an empty beach and grey sea. The only structure on this side of the road is a small stand selling HOT DRINKS – ICE CREAM – HOT FOOD ... Here, despite the cold, we find a couple – him pushing her in a wheelchair - buying an ice-cream cone, they could be father and daughter, or husband and wife, at this point it it’s too hard to tell.

He isn’t that old, but he does a good impression of it –chubby, grey haired and round faced, dressed warm with a big blue coat cutting out the cold. As mentioned, she is in a wheelchair. She’s fresh-faced with long strawberry blonde (almost red) hair, and most importantly, much smaller than him. Not old, but disabled. He wheels her away from the stand and along the prom as she enjoys her ice-cream and they take in the scenery.

She speaks, in voice-over, with a slightly squeaky, friendly, Yorkshire accent. “I’m Shelly Boldon. I’m 33, happily married to Raymond for the last 6 years, I work for the Department of Social Security, and I’m from Scarborough in England.”

Raymond points out something he finds interesting on the beach, and Shelly smiles and nods.

Cut to: a close-up of the two of them in a small, pleasant living room. Family pictures on the mantlepiece and walls, a huge (and very neat) collection of Star Trek DVDs and books filling most available space on the shelves.

Shelly sits on a comfortable couch, with Raymond beside her, his arm around her. Shelly does the talking, and most of the smiling too. Raymond sits back staring into camera and blinking slowly – when he does speak it’s a slow and quiet reassurance to Shelly, “yes” or “exactly” at the end of each comment she makes. Shelly, now with her coat off, is very slight, but is trying to show off what little cleavage she has. Her chest is a little freckly, as is her face up close. Her teeth a little uneven.

Charley is in an armchair to the side of the couch, leaning in with her cleavage spilling out of her top ... But she might as well not be there. Raymond only has eyes for Shelly, and Shelly doesn’t like girls.

Shelly, “Until I met Raymond, I’d never had many boyfriends really ... I’m not really what most men are looking for - what with my Star Trek obsession, the spina-bifida, and the red hair...” Raymond chuckles at the red hair comment.

“How did you guys meet?”

“We met at a Star Trek convention in London, and it turned out we only lived a couple of miles apart. We come home on the train together, I don’t think we’ve been apart since, other than when we’re at work...”

There’s a picture of Shelly on the wall, professionally taken, the kind of pseudo-glamour shot some women have taken to try and show their confidence and sexiness. Black and white, her on her belly, raising up on her elbows, a little cleavage on show but nothing too much – she’s trying to look sultry. She doesn’t look bad, understand, but she’s really struggling to pull off ‘sexy’.

Shelly continues, “Most people would say that we’re a pretty boring couple, I think. We like to read books together, watch old episodes of ‘Star Trek’, walk on the beach ... But we’ve got our wild side too. Our sexy side...”

Charley leans in further, “Tell us more...”

“Raymond’s nearly 50, quite a bit older than me, and he likes to call me his little girl, I call him daddy ... I think that’s his thing...” She turns to her husband. “Isn’t it?” He smiles sheepishly and nods a little.

Shelly continues, “For quite a long time that was our thing, I think we were both happy with it ... Our secret pervy time ... It took me a long time to tell him MY turn-on ... But when your show started I could finally come clean. I’ve always been turned on by thinking about women having sex with dogs ... Pretty women. The ones that could pick any man they wanted ... Having sex with dogs instead. I didn’t fantasize about ME having sex with a dog, it was about someone better than me...” She looks away from Raymond, toward Charley. “Like you...”

Charley smiles, nods, “When did it become about you?”

She looks at her husband for a confidence booster, he nods her on. “I suppose because, deep down, I want to be one of those pretty women who chooses to have a dog... “ She looks a little nervous, and sad, as she say, “I might not be able to make myself ‘pretty’, but there’s no reason I can’t have the dog.” She smiles. As does Raymond.

“I’ve started to realise that a dog doesn’t care if a woman looks like me, or you ... It’s the great leveller ... As far as he’s concerned, I’m as sexy as anyone ... I want that. They don’t judge. I don’t want to be judged, I just want to be a sex object!” She turns back to Charley again. “Like you...”

“A sex object? Is that how you see me?” Laughs Charley, either completely oblivious to the way the world sees her, or doing a good job of pretending.

“Yes,” smiles Shelly. “You’re the ultimate dogslut!”

Charley applauds this comment. “Ultimate dogslut ... I like that...” She laughs. “So ... You want to take a shot at my title, eh?”

Shelly smiles, blushing a little, “Maybe not your ‘ultimate dogslut’ title, but I’m feeling very horny ... Ready to try it...” She giggles.

Charley turns to Raymond, “And how do you feel about this?”

Raymond looks a little flustered. “Erm...” He thinks out loud, “To be honest I’ve got a list of about twenty things I want to see her do, and a dog is on it...” Shelly looks a little surprised. Raymond turns and looks at her. “The Klingon guard dog from Undiscovered Country”. She nods, remembering exactly what he’s talking about right away and giggling a little.

Charley turns back to Shelly. “And when you meet our little friend ... What exactly do you want to do with him?”

Shelly looks more than a little excited, her smile growing, she takes a deep breath, “I want to be on a couch like this, and I want him between my legs ... I want him to really pound me ... And then, if I can, I’d like to ... Suck on his cock.” She looks more embarrassed that it seems possible for a woman appearing on our show to be. If just saying ‘cock’ does this to her, we wonder what will happen when she’s confronted by one.”

“If you have fun today, do you think this experience will change your life?”

Shelly looks at Raymond, and he looks back at her... “I don’t know ... Maybe ... If Raymond is happy with it ... It might be nice to get a little dog ... Something nice and safe. I don’t want to visit other couples or play with different dogs ... I just want to have something to make me feel special...”

“You are special, dear...” Chirps in Raymond, with a reassuring smile.

We cut to the street outside ... Raymond shutting the passenger side door of his car, Shelly inside, then walking around to get in the driver’s seat. The car pulling away, Shelly waving goodbye with an excited little smile on her face.

Cut to – travelogue shots of the little car cruising up the motorway, being passed by just about every other car on the road. Shelly talking in voice-over, “I think it’ll be fun ... I feel like a star ... Like a porn star that everyone thinks is just a dirty dirty girl, and everyone talks her down, but really they all want to have sex with her.” “Yes dear” comes Raymond’s reply.

Cut to – a quiet little street of terraced council houses in a working class suburb of a northern town. Raymond’s car parked on the curb at the side of the street, Shelly being helped into her wheelchair and then trundled over to the front door of one of the houses.

The door opens and we see a couple of familiar figures. Pablo the postman, and Rocky the Rottweiler. Short, slightly overweight, middle aged and very ‘safe’ looking, Pablo is remarkably like Raymond. Rocky meanwhile is looking a little older and a little fatter than on previous shows. He is almost ten years old after all.

We cut to inside the house, with Raymond wheeling his wife awkwardly along the hall and into the living room.

Then we’re in the living room, with Shelly already sitting on the couch, Raymond beside her, Pablo sitting on the armchair opposite them, with Rocky sitting between his legs. Charley is kneeling on the floor, half way between Rocky and Shelly, microphone in one hand whilst she strokes the dog’s head with the other. She looks from Rocky to Shelly and smiles. “So what do you think?” She asks. “Is he everything you dreamed he would be?”

Shelly looks as excited. “He’s bigger than I expected ... But not as scary as I thought he’d be ... I was a little nervous before, but now ... I just want to get started...”, and that smile returns, suggesting that she is counting the seconds until she gets to play with this magnificent beast.

“Do you have any questions before you start?” Asked Pablo, his words running into one another, partially due to his accent, partially because he’s still a little shy even after all these appearances.

Shelly looks to Raymond, then back to Pablo... “Erm ... Will it hurt?”

Pablo shrugs his shoulders a little, “Probably a little bit, but no one’s ever complained too much, like.”

“Is that okay? Do you want to continue?” Charley chips in. There’s a level of concern in her voice that’s we’re not used to. Possibly because Shelly is disabled, possibly because she’s quite small, and probably because she sounds so innocent when she talks.

Shelly enhances that sense of vulnerability and youth by checking with Raymond, “What do you think,” she pauses, then adds, “Daddy?” to complete her question. Raymond stirs noticeably, his middle aged concerned face coming alive at the mention of ‘daddy’. “Whatever my little girl wants, darling.” He reassures her. “Daddy loves you.”

Shelly turns to Charley, Pablo and Rocky and smiles then nods.

In the next shot, Raymond is pulling her top up and over her head, continuing his perverted act. “Skin a rabbit!” He says as the top comes up over his wife’s head and along her arms, turning inside out as it comes off. He then repeats the process for her singlet, leaving her in just her bra.

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Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e8 Rosie

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

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