The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 8 Episode 15: Lynn Roche (51), from Isle of Wight.
We’re on the sunny sea-front of a traditional looking British sea-side town. Small apartment blocks sit on one-side of the road, looking out over the sea. The building infront of us is three levels above an open parking garage. Each level with its own balcony.
An attractive figure approaches, walking out from the shadows of the garage and into the bright sunlight, with a large black dog by her side. She’s dressed for the sunshine – her summer dress loose and low-cut to show off a friendly amount of soft cleavage. The dress, and her long brunette hair, both ripple in the wind. She speaks as she approaches, her seductive Yorkshire accent, keenly trained by years of chatting to her loyal Webcam fans.
“Hello, and welcome to ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... I’m your host, Kimberly Milner, and this is my beloved Tank ... This week, we’re in Shanklin, on the south coast of the Isle of Wight ... We’re here to meet an very lucky lady, who wants to see just how lucky she can get...”
We pan up to look at the top floor balcony, and see a bikini clad woman appearing through the large sliding doors.
Cut to inside one the apartments, looking out onto the balcony, and getting a better view of the bikini clad woman. She doesn’t exactly have a bikini body – soft in the middle and with smallish boobs and large thighs, she’s more than a little pear-shaped. Not fat, just lacking the tightness of youth or exercise! Her long auburn hair is naturally loose and wavey, hanging down well over her shoulders, almost reaching those small boobs.
Looking into camera, we note her narrow features, squinty eyes, and blinding white teeth – which she seems very keen to show off with her big (and very genuine) smile. She introduces herself in a strong Cockney accent, she’s not from around her.
“Hello ... My name’s Lynn Roche ... I’m 51, and I live here, in beautiful Shanklin on the Isle of Wight ... I’m making all my dreams come true – and today, that means having sex with a dog!” Her white toothed smile confirms that she has absolutely no embarrassment or shame about admitting this on camera.
We cut to a shot of her sitting back in an armchair, with the light from the window shining in from her side – her legs parted a little more than is ladylike, affording us a view of the gusset of her bikini bottoms, camel foot proudly on display. She tells her story direct to camera.
“Okay ... Elephant in the room ... I had a very normal life for 48 years – young mum, happy wife, unhappy wife, single mum...” She laughs at the direction her story is headed. “Then ... I met a new man, Martin, got married again, and then we won the lottery...”
We cut away to a picture of her and her husband receiving a huge (sized) National Lottery cheque for over five million pounds.
Then back to her as she continues, “We bought this place – the whole block, live here in the ‘penthouse’, rent out the other flats over the holidays ... We’ve got more money than we’ll ever need!”
She pauses, having told us her history, and now moves onto her ‘future’... “So, what brings us here today ... I’ve got a friend, Imogen, who’s actually been on the show ... She’s not a close friend ... I know her ... We’ve met a lot of times at friend’s parties and stuff. We move in the same circles ... And I saw her on the show and I was, like, ‘crazy’ ... I wasn’t turned on by it, or jealous, but I was offended by it ... I was just, like, good for ‘er ... But it must ‘ave planted a seed in my head ... Because after we won the lottery, and we started thinking of things we would do if we had, like, no responsibilities ... And neither of us are into travellin’, which is why we ended up here rather than somewhere overseas ... And we’re not into cars, or bling ... But, well, we bof like sex ... And Martin says, he’s always wanted a threesome with a couple of really hot young women ... So, we set that up for him – couple of young women...” She pauses. “Very young! Too young for an old bugger like him!” She smiles broadly, then continues. “And he ‘ad a great time ... And I was ‘appy for ‘im ... And then it was my turn ... And I went for the black guy gang-bang...”
Kimberly interrupts on behalf of the viewers, looking for more info. “How many of them?”
Lynn giggles, a little ashamed, “Six...”
Kimberly follows up, “And how was that?”
“It was bloody amazing!” Smiles Lynn. “Best sex of my life! Those black lads don’t mess around! They go for it!!”
There’s a cut as we skip back to Lynn in monologue mode, continuing her story. “But in the back of my mind, that whole ‘My friend was on UK of Zoo’, ‘My friend fucked a dog’ thing kept coming back into my mind ... And I kept thinking, I never have to answer to anyone but Martin ... I don’t have a boss, my parents are gone, my kids are grown ... I just want to do whatever I want to do, otherwise why bother being rich!!”
“So dogs aren’t a big deal for you?” Checks Kimberly. “They’re not something you’ve thought about a lot... ?”
Lynn shrugs. “Well, recently I have ... It’s like, it’s the next thing to try ... To do it, and to do it here ... On the show. For everyone to see it ... Growing old disgracefully! Not giving a fuck!!” She laughs. “And beside that – I want to see what Martin comes up with in reply ... He had two girls, I had six men ... I fuck a dog ... He’ll probably end up shagging a horse!” She laughs again.
We cut to a shot of her standing in the open window/balcony doors, with her back to the world outside – as she performs the UK of Zoo clap – reaching forward and clapping her hands together infront of our camera, allowing us to cut to the same image a minute later – the only difference being that she is now fully naked. Small boobs drooping a little, pussy shaved down to a very narrow landing strip.
We pan around from her to Kimberly in her tight dress, crouching down next to her big Rottie, running her fingers through the hair on top of his wide head ... Looking up at Lynn, checking, “Are you ready then, love?”
Lynn laughs at the question, bringing her hands up to her boobs, pinching her already erect nipples, and replying, “What do you think?” with a little laugh.
We watch as Kimberly unhooks Tank’s leash from his collar – looking up at Lynn, whispering/snarling to her, “You’re about to get fucked by a big, bad, doggy!” (which makes Lynn smile again)...
And then Tank is free, and Lynn is raising her hands – putting them out to protect herself from the fast approaching, and fearsome looking beast, turning her head away and letting out a quiet squeal as he arrives...
There’s a clear element of fear in her body language – knees together, body tensed, arms out and head turned away – but we can tell she wants to be there because the squeal sounds more excited than afraid.
He pushes up against her hands, and her fingers slip through his short, thick fur, stroking him a little but also making sure he doesn’t get too close.
He continues to try and lick her, but she keeps her head well back out of range.
“Hmmmmm, he’s a big lad...” She says, a nervous shake in her voice. She continues stroking and rubbing his chest as she builds confidence in being this close to a horny beast.
“Are you going to be nice to me?” She asks. “Are you?” A pause. “Do you want to make love to me? Eh? Or do you just want to fuck me like a bitch? Aye??” She laughs a bit, looking away from the dog to our camera, clearly amused that the dog has no idea what she’s saying.
She shuffles a little and pushes the dog around so that he’s more side-on to her, and to the camera, then reaches over him, around his solid body, and under his belly, bringing her boobs up against his spine. She smiles, indicating that she likes the touch of dog hair on the underside of her boobs.
As she fondles, she finds Tank’s cock, already big and heavy, and beginning to poke out of his sheath – he’s almost ready already. There’s a brief look of shock on her face as she feels the weight and warmth – she looks right into camera again with her eyes wide...
Her smile broadens and she stammers, “My ... God!” Looking around at Kimberly, “That’s heavy, innit?”
Shifting position slightly, keeping her arm over the dog, but moving her head down – she takes a look under his belly at that big and beautiful, pink and heavy dog cock. Her face a picture of wide-eyed amazement.
“Oh wow ... It’s much, much sexier than I imagined...” She marvels.
She jerks it a little, looking around at the camera as she does it, a look on her face indicating just how amazed she is to be jerking off a dog. Creasing up a little and laughing even as she continues to play with him. “I’m wanking a bloody dog ... Oh for-fucks-sake ... What am I doing??” She says under her breath.
As she jerks, the tip of his cock pokes out, a couple of inches to play with, and she stops jerking immediately so she can take a closer look. “Is that it?” She asks, already knowing the answer – then leaning right in, poking her tongue out and licking the little lipstick cock with the tip of her tongue...
She reacts like she’s just discovered drugs ... A new thrill... “Oh God ... I just licked a dog’s cock!” She gasps, hiding her face with one hand, but noticeably not letting go of his cock with the other – infact, she starts jerking him off again, pulling his sheath back to reveal more cock as she wanks.
“Oh God” she stammers as she continues to watch it grow through her fingers. “I’ve got to suck it...”
Cut to a shot of her on her back under the dog, peeling his sheath back to uncover a skinny, semi-erect member ... Soft and pink and unthreatening, glistening and smooth ... She shuffles further under him, moving her face closer to his cock ... Lifting her head from the floor to his belly and taking the whole thing comfortably into her mouth.
Her long curly hair hanging back down to the floor - eyes closed, sucking gently - her hands on the sides of his body. She holds it in her mouth, moving her head up and down under his belly.
The shaft appears to be getting thicker as she sucks – her lips and tongue clearly doing a good job of stimulating the beast ... At the same time, based on her moans and movements, having the dog’s cock in her mouth seems to be stimulating her as well.
She keeps going for a little longer, then slowly draws her head back to the floor – his shaft much bigger than when she began ... Once it’s out of her mouth and her head is resting on the floor she sighs and slowly opens her eyes – then sees the cock...
“OOoohhh God ... It’s huge!” She smiles. “Did I do that?” She brings a hand to her mouth in shock before guffawing out loud. “Fuck me!” (An exclamation of surprise rather than a request).
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Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...