The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then go dark ... The country beneath us is immediately speckled with a million points of light ... Club music begins to play very, very quietly ... Then we fall toward the surface at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit right down to the brightest lights of London...
Bright lights, big city – and we race through it. Very much London at night as imagined by non-Londoners. Red double-decker buses, black taxis, rain, and razzamataz ... All the time, the club music is getting louder...
We race to a nightclub entrance and we’re waived in by a pair of animated bouncers, who look suspiciously like the Kray twins ... The music is at full volume now as we enter the dark club, we switch from animation to live-action, and come to a booth in which four women are sitting. Two white, two black, all slim, good looking, but probably a couple of years too old for clubbing.
One of them turns to face us ... Coffee coloured, heavily made up, very attractive. Her dress consists of two body length panels, front and back, connected and held to her slim body by a mesh of strands that suggest she isn’t wearing any underwear. Despite her age, she can still get away with this dress.
She smiles then speaks – almost shouts actually - but the music is so loud that we still can’t quite hear her, we read the subtitles instead, “Hello ... Welcome to the United Kingdom of Zoo ... My name is Cleo Ranger, and I’m desperate to have sex with a dog...” The last comment, made so publicly, cracks her up into a huge smile.
We cut to a montage of her dancing in the club, and she dances well for an older lady; drinking and laughing with her friends; ignoring men who approach her. This is intercut with footage of her being interviewed in close-up at home, and occasional photographs of her old modelling days, footage of her on a catwalk, in a bikini. Not supermodel standard, but to be fair, not far off.
She tells her story over the top of these clips. Her accent is classy but carries a fair amount of her Caribbean origin...
“I was born in Kingston but come with my parents to London when I was a little girl ... I was spotted by a talent agent when I was 15, he said I could be a model ... On the catwalks, all around the world ... I did it for a long time, made a lot of money, took a lot of drugs, slept with some amazing looking models ... Boys AND girls, I don care ... But eventually I got too old for dat ... I wasn’t famous ... Some of the models I slept with were ... But I wasn’t ... But I made enough money not to have to worry about getting’ a job or anything terrible like that ... Maybe I find a man, maybe not ... I don’t need one...”
“I first heard about dogsex when I was a little girl, still in Jamaica ... My sister was 5 year older than me, and when she 14 her boyfriend would make her blow the neighbourhood dogs ... When my parents find out, them go crazy ... That’s when we move to London...! They didn’t want that to happen to me as well ... But I watched her do it a few times ... She was a real show-off ... I would have tried it if she let me ... But she say I’m too young to play, only to watch ... And all my life I think about it ... All the time I was modelling, I was always thinking about that ... What would it be like? I had so many photographs taken of me back then – all I wanted was to pose with a big dog ... Get him dick in my mouth and look into the camera ... But never had the chance. To many men to suck, too many women to lick...”
“I haven’t had a bad life ... A lot of decadence ... I’m not a lesbian, but I licked some of the most beautiful pussy in the world ... I went to orgies that would make you soooo jealous if you knew who else was there ... But all the time, what I really really want ... Was to be with a dog ... And to have the camera on me when I do it...”
We end with a slow motion shot of her twerking. Not something a 40-year old should be doing – but she can just about be forgiven.
We cut to our studios in Manchester ... Inside, the corner of our set has been made up to look a luxury hotel style bedroom this week – double bed with black silk sheets. There are cameras, lights, cameras, microphones, etc., and the crew to operate them all, set up all around the room. The bed is piled high with pillows, vases of flowers on either side, a big box of chocolates – it’s very classy ... Only the best for this girl!
We cut to the street outside and see a very nice BMW pulling into the car park, ignoring the designated spaces and simply pulling to a halt in the open turning-circle/lane. Cleo doesn’t ‘do’ parking.
The black beauty steps out of the car and straightens her white slimline knee-length dress. Makes sure she’s looking good, and then heads off toward our offices, perfectly balanced on heels so high she’s almost En Pointe.
A couple of middle-aged men are hanging around by the entrance, taking pictures – one says something to her, and she smiles but doesn’t slow down, walking right by them and into the building.
We cut to inside our entrance corridor and watch as Cleo walks down the hallway, looking at the pictures on the wall, catching her reflection in one and using the very tip of her finger to pick something from the corner of her eye. Blows a kiss to herself, smiles, and then turns down the corridor towards...
Our hot hostess, the one and only, Charley Ozvik. In the flesh ... And there’s a lot of flesh on display. Crop top and mini-skirt. Today is one of those rare occasions that our surgically enhanced dog-slut isn’t the best-looking woman in the corridor. Cleo may not be young, but she is beautiful and has a fantastic figure for a 40-year-old.
“Hi there ... I’m Charley Ozvik – and I have a confession...” She smiles broadly... “I’ve always had a thing for black supermodels ... When I was a teenager I had posters of Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell and you on my wall ... I used to wank myself silly imagining a little four way with you three...” She almost blushes.
“Ah, that’s really cute ... But I don’t belong in their league...” She smiles like this is the biggest compliment she’s ever had. “Seriously, they are the greatest ... I’m just a little bitty chocolate treat next to them...”
Charley continues to gush, “That may be so, but I always thought you had the very best tits on the cat-walk – and your skin was soo...” She fans her face... “We better move on...”
They both laugh a little at Charley’s fan-girling ... Then Charley asks. “So, what’s a beautiful woman like yourself doing lowering yourself to be with a dog...?”
Cleo answers as if she’s been practising, “It’s something I’ve always imagined doing ... And I want to do it whilst I still look good, you know ... But I didn’t want to do it when it would affect my career...” She laughs.
Charley nods, then turns to point at the doorway to our studio... “In that case, PLEASE be my guest, step through that door – and make both of our dreams come true...”
Cleo smiles one more time, blinding white teeth behind dark lips. “If you insist...” And she strides off toward the door as if she was on the catwalk...
On the set, we watch as Cleo walks back and forward infront of the big double bed, pausing and half-posing at each turn ... Playing it up for the camera ... Each turn confirming how slim she is ... The dress clinging to her flesh – bit bullet nipples making big bumps on her chest.
She slips the shoulders of her dress off to reveal that there are no bra-straps, then reaches down to bunch up the skirt around her thighs, then her arse and hips, revealing no panties and a neatly trimmed pussy ... Her legs seem to go on forever...
Then she runs her hands around the top of the dress again, before calmly, and slowly, pulling it down over her boobs, revealing/confirming that she’s not wearing a bra under the dress.
Her boobs are firm, bot huge, but a good size – and whilst they have a little more sag than in her prime, they are still a very impressive pair of natural hooters! Big brown nipples standing proud.
With a brief smile to camera, knowing she has the whole crew on the hook – especially Charley who is behind the camera and completely transfixed on this one-time feature of fashion catwalks – Cleo pulls the dress all the way down to show off her flat belly, pulling the stretchy white fabric all the way down her legs and stepping out of it. And there she is – fantastic tits, slim body, long limbs, smooth chocolate flesh – and a beautiful face ... Posing demurely, letting us all drool over her.
She sits down on the edge of the bed, puts her hands behind her and leans back on them. Looking very relaxed and comfortable. More than just about any of our previous guests – she’s used to being looked at, and used to being nude on camera.
She looks up at us, smiles, and asks us “Can we bring in the real star now?”
We cut to the large external door of the set and watch as it winds slowly open, letting light from outside spill into the room ... And there, framed in the doorway, a woman in a red dress that’s possibly a size too small, and her big black German Shepherd dog. Carol and Rebel ... Long time regulars on the show.
They stride onto the set side-by-side. Almost looking like they are making their own catwalk appearance...
Cleo watches as they approach, apparently happy to see the size and breed of the dog, and perhaps not realising how much Carol is making fun of the way models parade around.
The new arrivals reach the set and Carol unhooks Rebel, who makes a bee-line straight to the bed and his black bitch ... Carol stays on the edge of the set next to Charley.
“What do you think of Cleo?” Asks Charley. “A genuine celebrity for Rebel...”
Carol shrugs, “She’s very pretty ... But I’ve got no idea who she is ... I thought it was Naomi Campbell when I walked in, but I’ve never heard of any Cleo...” She seems almost deliberately unimpressed...
Over on the bed, Cleo can’t hear what they are talking about – she’s far more interested in this dark dog...
“Well, hello there, big man...” She says with a big white toothed smile as she ruffles the beast’s head, neck and shoulders.
She looks up and off camera to Carol and notes that, “You’ve got a seriously handsome puppy dog, here ... I can’t wait to get to know him MUCH better...” And again, those dazzling white teeth shine as she smiles.
Carol answers rather drolly, “I think we’re all looking forward to that, luv...”
Cleo has already moved on though, rubbing the dog’s neck and chest some more as she shuffles her backside more toward the edge of the bed.
A moment later and she’s got herself laid all the way back – with her legs spread wide and her pussy split wide open – the light pink flesh inside a marked difference to her dark brown skin ... She’s patting the little pad of short dark hair above it, making kissing/smoochie noises to the dog, inviting him to “Come have a lick ... I love to have my pussy licked...”
He moves closer, between her smooth thighs, his head infront of her pussy, sniffing the air, his tongue smacking in, out and around his mouth ... Then moving slightly closer and starting to lick at her ... To her immediate pleasure...
His warm tongue glides over her pussy lips, between them, straight into the pink slot ... And she’s almost convulsing as he makes contact. Her mouth wide open, the corners turned up, as she suppresses all noises ... Bending her back, spreading her knees even wider, throwing her head back as he takes her off toward heaven...
It doesn’t take too long before she is struggling to breath, a hand on her chest, not feeling her boobs so much as making sure her heart doesn’t burst out ... Arching her back, letting out a long, high, whimper ... The tension and strain building up through her skeleton, as the dog’s tongue takes her all the way to an orgasm that has her thrashing like the girl in the Exorcist, her fists thumping down onto the bed on either side of her ... Every inch of her body becoming highly sensitive – and the dog licking on until she crawls back from him, further onto the bed, taking her pussy away from it...
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As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
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We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...