The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home...
Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with arching clear roof domes, but all built over old platforms. We’re waiting here as a long intercity train heads toward the platform.
Walking toward us, just a little too close to the edge of the platform for comfort, with a couldn’t-give-a-fuck attitude to safety, it’s our host, the very sexy, surgically enhanced, Charley. Today she’s wearing an outfit that seems to be her version of a business suit, except everything is a size or two too small, and she clearly isn’t wearing a blouse under the jacket – just those bolt-on tits of hers in a black satin bra. The jacket is buttoned up to provide her at least a little modest coverage.
She speaks directly to camera as she approaches, raising her voice as the train gets closer, barely reacting as it passes just inches from her shoulder. “Welcome to the United Kingdom of Zoo. I’m Charley Kiefer, and I’m travelling the length and breadth of the country, looking for lucky ladies who want to make their dirtiest fantasy come true...”
The title, “THE UNITED KINGDOM OF ZOO” flashes up on screen over a graphic showing the UK, with little pins appearing, each pin representing a location we’ve either visited, or will be visiting in this series. A pin right in the middle of England is flashing, indicating that we’re in Birmingham this week...
Back to Charley on the platform as the doors of the train open and travelers begin to pour off. “I’m at Birmingham New Street train station today – but I’m not catching a train, I’m looking to catch a passenger...” She turns to look back along the platform...
About fifty passengers have exited the train and most are hurrying away toward the exits. We focus on one particular traveler as she walks toward us, trying to look like this is just a regular trip to Birmingham.
She’s a respectable looking, middle-aged woman, with a wide smile and big square white teeth – her blonde straightened hair comes from a bottle and just about reaches her shoulders. She’s slim, with a large bust, hidden away behind a sensible white blouse.
She stumbles on her heels and almost falls, then lets out a laugh and cracks a huge grin as she thinks she’s messed up her ‘entrance shot’. With the smile on full-beam, she’s a very pleasant looking woman. This is probably the perfect way to meet her.
Charley looks back to camera with a little smile, “And I think I see her right now...”
When the woman reaches the camera, every word she says seems to be punctuated by that big, happy, grin. You can even hear the smile in her strong Brummie accent.
“I’m Rosie Crookes, I’m 46 year old, and I’m a married mother of five! I’ve been turned on by dogs for as long as I can remember, and I can’t wait to fulfil my dream to have sex with one!”
Charley raises her microphone to begin the interview portion of the show.
“So, Rosie, tell us what first turned you on to the idea of having sex with a dog?” Asks Charley.
“As I said, I’ve always been turned on by them. When I was a teenager, before I’d even had sex with a man, I always liked to play with dogs ... Like, heavy petting – REALLY heavy...”
Charley prompts, “How do you define that?”
“If a friend had a dog, or even if someone had one at the park ... A big dog, mind ... I’d always get to my knees and play with it. Stroke it and hug it as much as I could. I’d let them lick my face, and if no one was around I’d open my mouth and let them lick my tongue ... If anyone saw I’d make out it was an accident.”
“But you always wanted to go further?” Confirms Charley.
“Yes. I’ve always wanted to be mounted by a big one ... To pull my skirt up or my jeans down ... Let it penetrate me ... Pound me hard. It was my fantasy even before I saw videos of women doing it ... I used to think I was weird, but this show has shown me that I’m not the only one ... And now I feel a little left out!”
“What is it about bestiality that turns you on?”
“It’s dirty, isn’t it?” She asks, as if there’s any doubt. “I think that’s the big turn-on. That it’s very dirty. Very naughty. I think even when I was a teenager I was attracted to it because it was dirty.”
“Have you ever told anyone about your fantasy?”
Rosie smiles, thinking about it. “Well, not in so many words ... But I think my hubby might have guessed it, a bit. Maybe. I might have mentioned how handsome our neighbours dog is ... Maybe petted it a little bit too much infront of him ... And your show ... I never miss an episode, and if the kids are all out I sometimes have a wank while we watch it ... I don’t think he’ll be all that shocked.”
“So today, you will be coming out of ‘the closet’, how does that feel?” Asks Charley.
Rosie’s face has gone blank, as if this had never occurred to her. “Yeah, I suppose I will be ... Ah ... It’s nice. I like it ... No more secrets. The whole world will know. Excellent. Out of the closet. Yeah.”
“And if everything goes well today, how will it change your life?”
Rosie hasn’t a clue. “I haven’t really thought about anything beyond today to be honest. I don’t really plan ahead – with all the kids it’s all living in the moment, really...”
Charley turns to camera and ends the interview with a simple, “Well, in that case, there’s no time like the present...”
Cut to – a hotel beside the train station. A nice room, plenty of space unlike the hole we used for Siobhan last week!
“What does your family think you are doing today?” Asks Charley, making casual conversation as Rosie begins to unbutton her blouse.
She opens the front of her top without any ceremony to reveal a white bra that looks heavily underwired. Big soft boobs held firm inside. Her belly is fairly flat for a mother-of-five ... Not muscular, but firm, with just a little meat on her bones. “They think I’m at work ... My eldest thinks I’m having an affair ... Which I suppose I am, in a way ... She was asking lots of questions this morning on the phone when I was on the train.”
She peels the top off and throws is onto the bed behind her.
“How old is she?”
Rosie unhooks her bra and those big boobs sag a good few inches. Large and soft 38Ds. Her children have been well fed, and that has obviously wreaked havoc on these beauties! Her nipples are elongated and dark. Not ridiculously so, but definitely more than most women. “Oh, she’s 23 now ... She’s getting married this year ... I think that might be why I’ve suddenly wanted to actually do this rather than just thinking about it ... I’m getting old ... My little girl is getting married...”
“How old are your other children?” Asks Charley.
As Rosie answers she unbuttons her trousers and pulls them down over her shapely hips. Again, she seems to have a nice bum, not too big, not too small, and in decent condition considering all the children she’s popped out. “Well, as I said, Mandy is 23 ... Then I popped out one a year for the next 4 years in a row ... So my baby is 19 ... Bloody hell, I’m getting old!”
“All girls?” Asks Charley, with a hint of a dirty smile at the thought of five sisters with a mother like this.
Rosie straightens up, hands on hips, in nothing but blue cotton panties. “No. Three girls, two boys. Girl, boy, girl, boy, girl...”
“What do you think they would all think about this?”
The look on Rosie’s face suggests that she really is a no-nonsense don’t-care type. “Well, I’m pretty sure they all watch the show. I’ve talked to my girls about it – not about me being on it, but about the show and the women, and none of them seem overly disgusted by it. They seem to think that everyone is entitled to their own little fantasy, whatever that might be ... The young generation seem a lot more relaxed about this kind of thing than mine is!”
“So, are you ready to find out what’s behind Door Number 1?” Asks Charley.
Rosie takes a few steps toward the door to the adjoining room, big smile on her face, “Oh yes ... I can’t wait to see what’s behind Door Number 1!”
She takes the door handle, pauses for a second, taking a big breath, then pushes the door open to see who’s in the next room. She laughs out loud and calls, “Yes!!”
It’s the sleek, handsome, Irish Setter, Paddy. He’s standing, wagging his tail and looking from the naked woman in the doorway up to his owner – the very obviously gay and smiling Gay Eddie.
Both Eddie and Paddy approach Rosie. Eddie moving in for a friendly hug and a kiss on each cheek welcome, whilst Paddy sniffs and licks at her nether regions.
“Oh hello there, darling ... I’m Eddie...” Calls Eddie as they break the hug. He turns to show her Paddy. “And this is Paddy...”
“Hello Eddie,” Says Rosie as she drops to her knees infront of Paddy and says, “Hello Paddy...”
She strokes his chest and sides, leaning forward toward him until her big boobs are rubbing up against his hair. She makes a point of moving around so that she can feel his hair against her skin, letting out a little moan as she does so. “That’s a lovely feeling...”
A few seconds later and she’s on her back on the bed, spreading her legs and pulling the gusset of her panties to one side, showing off a thick bush of dark pubic hair that proves her hair is dyed, and offering up her meaty pussy to the beast... “Come on then boy, let’s be having you then ... Where’s your tongue, eh?” She jokes.
The big dog moves around at the side of the bed, standing infront of her, between her legs, he begins to sniff, then lick at her hairy pussy.
His tongue dances over her pussy lips, soaking everything. She reaches one hand between her legs and uses two fingers to spread those meat pussy lips of hers – exposing the pink wetness within to the dog ... And Paddy loves it – he goes in hard - his tongue working between the lips and slipping inside her body with every slurp. She arches her back to meet him, moaning each few seconds as he gives her the best foreplay of her life.
It doesn’t take long at all for her to start losing control of her breathing, her hands grasping handfuls of sheets on either side of her hips, grinding her arse against the edge of the bed as Paddy licks her to the edge of an amazing orgasm. No one watching – male or female, straight or gay, young or old, will fail to feel at least a little jealous of her as she arches her back one more time, head back, mouth open, breath paused ... Then ... As the dog licks ... Suddenly...
“AAAaaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhh!” She growls as heat and tingles rush through her body, her whole being shivering and on fire ... Hips bucking and thighs closing, pushing Paddy away as she cums hard...
She rolls onto her side to catch her breath, pulling her legs up onto the bed, her upper body swinging around to the edge – so Paddy switches from intently licking her cunt, to excitedly licking at her face. She smiles and laughs at him as he ‘kisses’ her – opening her big mouth to let his tongue slip inside, then coughing and spitting as she pulls away from him, surprised by just how big his tongue is and how forcefully it pushes into her mouth.
She looks up at camera. “Give me five minutes and we can do that again...” She says, holding her pussy with both hands, apparently still enjoying the after-effects of the orgasm. “I haven’t cum like that in years ... Well, actually, I don’t think I’ve ever come like that!”
Charley puts her hands on Rosie... “Let’s get you into position...” This week her touch is nothing sexual, it has a very professional vibe, as she starts to roll the older woman onto her belly and pull her legs off the bed. “Whilst it still feels good and you’re nice and wet...”
Rosie doesn’t resist – allowing Charley to position her so that she is bent over the end of the bed, knees not quite reaching the floor, taking her weight on her toes, belly and big boobs soft against the rumpled sheets, her arse presented nicely toward camera, the cheeks spreading a little – brown star just about visible. She’s not the slimmest, but her arse isn’t overly chunky.
Series 4, Episode 11: MELISSA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on a busy street in an old English city - not a lot of food traffic, but plenty of cars...
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We watch a mini-montage of Ye olde English town, with snow falling slowly, and Christmas shoppers hurrying back to their cars with bags full of gifts – and hear traditional Christmas music and sleighbells... Then fade through to our studio, which has been set up to look like a fairly unconvincing Santa’s Grotto – with a couple of comfortable couches arranged infront of a large (fake) fireplace, and an over decorated Christmas tree, which is stacked with presents. On one couch – two sex...
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Series 5, Episode 9: Tara Carver (59) – Edinburgh We open with our standard sequence – a high altitude image of the United Kingdom. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy caricature of our host, Charley, floating infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping toward the ground, heading in...
We begin this week’s show with a shot of a collection of impressive, modern tower blocks. Each has a different style, format, and color. From browns, to greys, to whites. Lots of windows and lots of balconies. We move along a new, black-topped road, toward the towers, noting the lack of old buildings, and the lack of greenery (a few freshly planted trees and a flower bed, nothing more). There’s an ornamental sculpture up ahead at the side of the road – it looks like a stack of cubes twisted...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 18: Penelope” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 18: PENELOPE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something familiar... A narrow single car width country road, leading through an area of barren, rolling, grassy hills. Dry stone walls rise about 3 feet on either side of the narrow road. A few cows...
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We fade in on the face of a man – Mr Average, nothing to shout about, nothing to run away from ... He’s filming himself, selfie-style on a smart-phone camera. He looks excited and full of fun. He speaks, almost whispers, direct to the camera, in a mild Scouse accent, “Dear Charley, my name’s Kyle, and I’d like to nominate my partner, Becky, to be on The United Kingdom of Zoo – because she never stops thinking about having sex with dogs ... And to prove it ... Come with me...” He turns the...
We start this week’s show with a drone shot, flying over endless terraces streets of old homes. Black roofs, barely a solar panel in sight, narrow streets crowded with parked cars... Then we cut to ground level in one of those narrow streets, seeing the cars parked on the pavement on either side, giving just enough room for another car to squeeze through. Terraced two-story houses line either side of the street, behind small walls that protect about a meter of concrete rather than a...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...
Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...
from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...
Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...
We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...
We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...
Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...
We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...
Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...