The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a borderline-grim old, grey/brown stone building. Four stories tall and square in every way. Square walls, square windows. This was one a mill, manufacturing textiles, but is now home to multiple businesses ... A large sign stretches over two of the windows identifying that this part of the building is home to “KIDZ THINGZ”.
We pause on the front of the store, then turn our camera to face the approaching figure of our host ... All American, former Playboy model and general sex machine, Jenna McCartney. Blonde hair, neatly styled, make-up immaculate ... Her fantastic figure wrapped tightly in a white mini-dress. Beside her, walking at heel, a wide-chested, mean-looking, American bulldog, who appears to be smiling – as if he knows why he’s here.
Jenna introduces the show in her friendly American mid-western accent... “Hello, and welcome to ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... I’m Jenna McCartney, and this beautiful boy is Cooper ... And this week we’re in Rochdale, England, to have some fun with a lady who thought she was going to be on our show two years ago...”
Inside the building – we see warehouse storage for a thousand boxes – prams, pushchairs, car-seats, playpens, etc., etc. Everything a new mother could need to stock the home for a freshly arrived child ... And waiting for us at the end of the aisle wearing figure concealing warehouse overalls, and a sly smile, is our guest for this week ... She’s lean rather than slim, a strong looking lady with long brunette hair down to her square shoulders. Pretty too, in a lean-faced, no make-up kind of way.
She speaks, direct to camera, with a strong Lancashire accent, up tempo and very familiar. “Hello ... My name’s Danielle Brazil, and I’m 29-years-old. I’m from Rochdale in Lancashire – and I can’t wait to have sex with a big dog!” She smiles, apparently happy to get through her introduction.
We cut to another location in the warehouse, looking at Danielle sitting casually on a couple of boxes, leaning forward, animatedly waving her hands around as she speaks.
“I’ve always been turned on by dogs – but I was never going to do anything about it, it was just something I thought about when I masturbated ... Until I started following Renae on Facebook ... Or at least I thought it was Renae ... It turned out to be a catfish...” She doesn’t exactly look embarrassed, more frustrated.
She continues, “But I thought it was you, and I thought I was going to get to fuck one of your dogs ... And that really turned me on – because it seemed very real, very achievable ... I was looking forward to it so much ... Then I found out that I WAS being catfished, by an ex-boyfriend...” Hands to her head in frustration.
“The fake Renae arranged for us to meet here, on a Sunday like today, when the place was closed ... To film my introduction, meet the dog, and then to film me fucking him right here on the warehouse floor ... I got here, all ready to be on UK of Zoo, and there was no camera crew – no Renae – no dog – just my prick of an ex ... And he thought it was hilarious...!” She shakes her head.
In close up now, “I think the biggest disappointment wasn’t that I’d fallen for it, and that he had caught me in my dirty fantasy ... It was realising that I wasn’t going to get to fuck a dog after-all ... So I figured the best thing I could do to get back at him – and to fulfill my fantasy – was to contact the actual show, and ask if I could do it for real...”
She holds her hands up as if to say “that’s all there is”.
“And we said yes...” Interrupts Jenna, cheerily. “Partly because we felt sorry for you being duped that way – but mainly because we couldn’t resist seeing someone so obviously desperate for dog-cock, getting her hands on one...!”
Her guest smiles, happy to admit how desperate for a dog-cock she has become.
At Jenna’s feet, Cooper pulls against his leash – keen to get at his bitch and get started. Our host calms him with a pat on his powerful neck.
We cut to a shot of Danielle in the corner of the warehouse, a stack of boxed-up baby-strollers behind her. She unzips the front of her overalls, letting it open up to show off a tight white t-shirt that conceals small boobs and big pointy nipples. She peels the overalls off, and runs them over her tight arse and down here smooth thighs, revealing white briefs – and off her feet. Placing the overalls on the stack of strollers, then turning back toward camera.
Her t-shirt next, lifted up over her head to reveal those small, barely there, little boobies. She’s about as flat-chested as it gets ... But those nipples, now exposed to the air rather than poking through the t-shirt, are outstanding – literally! She takes them, pinching them, then pulling hard, stretching them away from her body in a way that must hurt – but she seems to like. Wincing at the pain, then cracking a smile, and commenting, “I’m feeling sooooo fucking horny...!”
Then she takes off her panties, pulling them down over her narrow hips and tight little arse. It’s a peach of a bottom, small but round. She bends forward and grabs her bum-cheeks, spreading them and bending forward, we get to see her hairless pussy sticking out between her thighs – fat lips, already looking wet. She’s up for it.
She holds this position for a couple of seconds, then straightens up and turns to face us again, giving us a full-frontal view of her strong, pale body ... The flat-chest and lack of pussy hair would make her look a little young for our show, but strong body, and the sharp edges of her facial features, and the look in her eye, that confirms she’s old enough and knows exactly what she’s doing ... Especially when she brings her hands back up to her tiny tits and begins to pinch and twist those nipples again.
“I’m really - so - fucking - horny...” She states, perhaps for the camera’s benefit rather than to share important information with the crew. “I can’t fucking wait to get fucked by your fucking dog!” – and then she gives us another smile, looking to the side – away from camera toward Jenna.
We catch a quick shot of Jenna, behind the camera, crouched down next to Cooper, looking at him, then looking up at her naked guest, stroking his belly the whole time. She smiles and confirms that, “He’s pretty fucking horny too!” – and we get our first brief look at his burgeoning erection. Red lipstick tip poking out of his sheath as she strokes it.
Back to Danielle – as she holds her hands out toward him, calling him over ... Off camera, Jenna releases the beast – and we hear his paws on the concrete floor, and see our guest’s eyes widening, her smile broadening, as the dog approaches...
The big bulldog moves up close to her and raises his head to sniff at her pussy, looking excited – half his body following the movement of his tail.
Danielle parts her knees, opening her thighs a little, presenting her pussy to him – letting him push his snout between the thighs, his long tongue slopping out of his wide-mouth, missing her cunt the first time, then making contact the second...
Both the girl and the dog look excited about what’s happening – her looking into camera as she moves her hips around, pushing her crotch toward the beast ... Letting him lick at her a few more times.
She looks from him to the camera, smiling throughout, “I think I want to skip the licking and go straight to the fucking ... Is that alright? I don’t want to wait another second!!”
“Oooooohhh, yeahhh...” Giggles Jenna. “I can understand that ... Who wouldn’t want to have this big monster’s cock inside them...?”
Danielle doesn’t need to be told anything else – she’s been waiting for this moment a long time ... She drops straight to her knees, getting down onto the hard floor infront of the bulldog, smiling as she looks at him – watching him to make sure he doesn’t make his move until she’s ready. He’s a good boy – he won’t jump until ordered, but she doesn’t know that – she’s expecting it at any moment.
She leans forward to put her weight on her hands, her small boobs hang down just a little, there’s not enough to move around – definitely no swing, but her nipples are rock hard and poking out. Even on her hands and knees, she pauses to lift one hand and tweak those nipples – one, then the other, and then, when she’s primed herself ... She quickly drops down onto one elbow, and reaches her free hand back between her thighs...
Work her pussy with her fingers – slipping them over the wet lips, then between them, fingers sliding over her own flesh and disappearing inside her, as the dog continues to lick ... Then out again and over her clit ... Rubbing in circles, as the dog licks the back of her fingers – cleaning his juices off them...
Danielle looks back over her shoulder toward him the whole time – quietly gasping, begging him to make his move... “Come on ... Come on, boy ... Fuck Danny ... Fuck me...”
We cut to a shot of Cooper, standing behind Danielle, his wet nose between the cheeks of her arse, his tongue slopping over her pussy. Danielle gasps, clearly enjoying it – turning her head toward the camera and flashing the happiest smile, moaning, “AArrrggghhhhh!”
Cooper keeps licking. Her happiness taking second place to his love of that sweet taste of human pussy. Sweeping his tongue over the snatch – tongue sliding between them – slipping deep inside.
“OOoohhhh yeeeaahhhh ... Lick it ... Ooooohhh yyeeeaaahhhh!” She gasps. “I love it ... OOoooohhhh fffffucckk ... OOoohhhhh...” Pushing her arse back a little more, reaching back with one hand to grab her arse-cheek and pull it aside, presenting her crack to the beast. Letting him lick faster and harder ... Arching her back and gasping even louder as his tongue drags over her arsehole.
Cooper loses interest in the taste and stops licking, barely pausing before he makes his move to try and mount her ... Wanting to feel it rather than taste it...
Danielle reacts to his move by switching to a three-point kneel – two knees and one hand, quickly reaching back between her thighs with one hand, fingers out - ready to direct the dog’s cock right where they both want it!
He’s up and over her narrow behind, wrapping his front paws around her belly and down against the front of her thighs – pulling himself tight against her, close up behind, his soft belly wrapping around her tight arse. Leaning into her – and right away beginning to pump at her...
We cut down to a close-up of the action between her thighs as she finds the tip of his cock with her finger-tips, twisting to reach back further and almost take hold of the cock - steering it toward her snatch, helping him in – not that he looks like he needs too much help ... The tip finding the wetness between her soft pussy lips, poking through – then quickly driven home.
“OOooaaahhhh, fffuucckk!” She shrieks as he drives deep – the end of his sheath bumping up against her lips and clit as he drives the whole cock into her.
As soon as he’s inside her, he switches into overdrive and begins to just jackhammer into her snatch – giving her the best fuck of her life ... Drilling that rock hard dog-cock right up inside her hot snatch, and pounding her like he’s working against the clock.
The slim lady lets out a series of yelps and gasps as he pummels her. “OOohhhh aaahhhHH, eeehHHHHH, UUUuuuuhhhhh!”
She’s rocked forward onto her elbows, pushed against her chest – little tits mashed down flat against the cold floor.
We move around infront of them – looking right into her face. She’s leaning forward with her arse raised, so we can see the dog over her back – he’s looking intense, his head steady, inches above hers. Smacking into her, his belly on her arse, slapping away.
She looks up, right into the lens – her face bright – the pressure and intensity of the pounding just enough to stop her smiling ... Her mouth hanging a little open, a sense of amazement about her.
Back to the wide-angle shot, watching the muscular dog thumping at the skinny brunette’s pussy, bouncing on her behind, his hindlegs struggling from grip on the concrete floor as he tries to push himself harder against her...
She turns her head toward our camera position every time we move, continuing to squeal and yelp throughout, “Ooooohhh aaahhhhHHH!” – this little bitch is having fun and she’s not afraid to show it.
We cut to a low angle shot of her pussy – showing that that big cock thumping in and out of it over and over. The shaft buried deep inside, it’s only the end, and the sheath, that we can really see – pushing up against her flesh, shaking around ... The lips of her twat squashed and rubbed around as he continues to fuck her. The first drops of his sperm already beginning to seep out between his tool and her flesh ... Dripping to the floor between her knees, dark spots on the concrete.
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We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back...
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We fade in on the face of a man – Mr Average, nothing to shout about, nothing to run away from ... He’s filming himself, selfie-style on a smart-phone camera. He looks excited and full of fun. He speaks, almost whispers, direct to the camera, in a mild Scouse accent, “Dear Charley, my name’s Kyle, and I’d like to nominate my partner, Becky, to be on The United Kingdom of Zoo – because she never stops thinking about having sex with dogs ... And to prove it ... Come with me...” He turns the...
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Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...
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With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...
Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...
We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...
Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...
We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...
Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We’re tracking through an alleyway behind a shopping centre, signs on the outside of the grubby buildings read, “BOOTS PHARMACY”, and “EURO SUPERSTORE”, there are limited parking spaces but most of the road is covered with yellow hatch-lines, making sure trucks delivering to the shops can always get through the lane. Opposite the large stores, the rear of another line of smaller stores – each with its own lock-up garage. We move through the car park toward a gap between two brick walls, a...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 8, Episode 14: Jennifer Britain (40), from Grimsby. It’s a sunny Monday in Grimsby, on the north eastern coast of England. The weather might be nice, but the surroundings are grim. Old buildings, empty shops, people walking around like zombies. We cut to a car park outside a large red-brick and black fronted shop – a large “SPORTSDIRECT.COM” sign over the entrance... And then our host steps into frame ... A sexy, curvy, blonde – her eye-catching figure dressed in a tight white ‘UK...
from Coventry We fade in on a respectable looking, middle-aged woman. Heavily styled, coloured blonde hair (dark growth underneath), a thin face with high cheek-bones, a nervous smile that reveals an uneven collection of teeth – clean, but not well aligned. Her loose white blouse, hangs off her shoulders and down her chest, suggesting she’s quite slim with small boobs. She speaks directly to camera, with a sharp, confident sounding accent – a hint of her midland background. She sounds like...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...