The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 1, Episode 4: Emmanuelle
Over the last three shows we’ve visited England, Scotland and Northern Ireland, which only leaves Wales to cover the four nations of the United Kingdom – and it’s to Wales we go next.
A pretty girl walking along a sunny street. She has a dancer’s body – lithe and strong, with long legs and a narrow waste, slim arms. She wears ripped skin-tight blue jeans that show off her legs and little ass, and a loose, low cut sweater (when the interview begins this will provide tantalising glimpses of her perfectly formed 34B breasts and the little black bra that holds them in place). A mass of frizzy curly shoulder length black hair acts like a halo around her very pretty face.
She’s butterscotch brown rather than chocolate, with facial features which are more European than African suggesting mixed heritage two or three generations back. She’s pretty, very pretty. Probably too pretty to be appearing on a show like this. Many viewers will say that she MUST have better options! But it’s not about options – it’s about desires.
So, young, fit, and genuinely attractive – and speaking with the softest sexiest of Welsh accents.
“My name is Emmanuelle Christie. I’m 19 years old, and I’m from Cardiff.”
Her interview is filmed at the Church community centre where she volunteers. They think she is taking part in a show about Christian values in the 21st century. Children hang around – they clearly adore Emmanuelle. She has to frame her comments very carefully.
“I love the Lord, but I’m not one of those holier-than-though types. I think He made our bodies so that we can enjoy them, and He wants us to enjoy them. I think it would be an insult to Him if we didn’t.”
The vicar is interviewed and has nothing but nice things to say about her and her commitment to the church. “Emmanuelle is a lovely girl. You couldn’t ask to meet a better example of a young Christian. She’s bright, she’s funny, caring and everyone loves her.”
Back to Emmanuelle. “I had a dream about a dog. I don’t know where it came from. It was just me playing with a dog. You know, ‘playing’. Then the next day I went online looking for some video of other women ‘playing’ with dogs – and I saw your advert.” A child is buzzing around asking her to look at his drawing. She smiles and looks at it, says it’s very good. Back to camera, “I couldn’t believe that advert coming up the day after I had dreamed about it. I thought it must be a message from God. You know, telling me that I should have some ‘fun’ with a dog. I watched a bunch of videos of women with dogs, ‘playing’ ... The clips made me feeling very good. I’d never ever thought of it before, but the dream, followed by the advert, followed by the videos – I’m so turned on by it now.”
So it’s something you want to do?
“I’d say it’s something I need to do. It’s like a religious calling. A test from God. It scares me, and I think it’s disgusting, but I have to do it.”
A few minutes later, standing outside the church away from the children. She’s looking dead into camera. “My name is Emmanuelle Christie, and I want to have sex with a dog.”
We see Emmanuelle on a train, in a tight t-shirt so tight we can see the pattern on her bra and another pair of jeans (not ripped this time) heading east from Cardiff, across the Prince of Wales Bridge to Bristol to meet our next dog and his owners.
We’ve met Rocky in Gateshead, Bruno on the road in Scotland, Rebel in Oldham, and now it’s Prince – a handsome black Labrador – and his owners Martin and Sue.
Suzie is a decent looking woman, but in her late 40s she’s seen better days. Martin is overweight, but not a fatty. He too has seen better days. Suzie has been active with Prince for a couple of years now and he’s become an expert at fucking her – but he’s never been with another woman, so this will be a new experience for everyone.
Emmanuelle arrives at their tidy suburban home and is welcomed like an old friend. Emmanuelle is nervous and reserved when she sees Prince. She says he’s beautiful but she’s nervous to approach him and a little jumpy when he approaches her.
We cut through the small talk to find a more relaxed Emmanuelle sitting on the tiled floor of the kitchen/meals area. Prince is next to her and she is stroking his back. Looking up at camera. “He’s very handsome. I think we can have a lot of fun together.” She turns to him, “We can have a lot of fun together, can’t we?” He licks her face, catching her full on the mouth. She instinctively sticks her tongue out and licks his mouth. He licks back and she opens her mouth. There’s an erotic few seconds of kissing back and forward.
Emmanuelle lays back on the floor, with Prince fussing over her, and unzips her jeans, starts wriggling out of them revealing a very brief pair of white panties that are already looking damp in the crotch.
She sits up and peels her t-shirt off. Then reaches behind her back to undo her bra. When it comes off her boobs barely move, so young and firm that they don’t even need the bra. Her nipples are big and brown, the kind that cover the entire tip of the boob with one big bump rather than an areola with a nipple in the middle.
Series 4, Episode 11: MELISSA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on a busy street in an old English city - not a lot of food traffic, but plenty of cars...
Series 5, Episode 20: Monika (23) and Martyna Matysik (24) sisters from Walsall, originally Poznan. We open on an ultra-long-shot ... Our animated image going a step further back to show the whole of the planet ... And then an over-the-top burst of Rule Britannia sounding out over the top as the Earth turns and the United Kingdom comes into focus below us ... Then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, with the music playing all the way down ... Heading toward the middle of the country...
With everything that’s been going on in the world in 2020, we at the United Kingdom of Zoo decided that something special was needed to end the year. Rather than a 20 episode series, we decided to really go for it with a marathon 50 episode series. One girl can’t handle that kind of schedule – so we decided to enlist a group of our former guests to share hosting duties on the series ... We hope you enjoy this special opening episode, and the rest of the series, and we trust you will enjoy our...
Series 7, Episode 20: Page 3 Special We open with a montage: Still images of Page 3 girls - smiling, topless models with amazing bodies; clips of these same models at show-bizz functions and public appearances; cover shots of adult magazines with those same girls highlighted; and more ‘Page 3’ shots – blondes, brunettes, black girls, white girls, fake boobs, real boobs (but always big boobs). These aren’t the Page 3 superstars – not a Sam Fox, Linda Lusardi or Maria Whittaker of the 80s –...
Series 4, Episode 5: Carrie We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And now we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer...
Series 4, Episode 6: SAMANTHA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back and forth ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re looking at the large entrance gates of a zoo ... Large letters spell out ‘DUDLEY ZOO’. A small line...
Series 5, Episode 11: Hannah Smith (21) – Newcastle We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then our cartoon version of Charley, our top heavy host appears, floating with us for a second before she waves for us to follow her as she dives down toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the North Sea, off the north-east coast, in just a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, a beach,...
We watch a mini-montage of Ye olde English town, with snow falling slowly, and Christmas shoppers hurrying back to their cars with bags full of gifts – and hear traditional Christmas music and sleighbells... Then fade through to our studio, which has been set up to look like a fairly unconvincing Santa’s Grotto – with a couple of comfortable couches arranged infront of a large (fake) fireplace, and an over decorated Christmas tree, which is stacked with presents. On one couch – two sex...
We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the south of England, toward the massive urban sprawl that is London ... Reaching ground level in just a few seconds. From here we race through animated streets, passing traditional London Black Cabs and red Double Decker buses until we hit a wide street of three-story buildings – shopfronts downstairs, apartments...
We’re looking at the pretty but increasingly fake features of our hostess – Charley Ozvik. Her nose a little too slim and pointy, her jaw too defined, her teeth too perfect. There’s not a line on her face and when she talks her face barely moves. It’s a little like watching a Thunderbird puppet talking. A very sexy Thunderbird puppet! She’s wearing a tight blouse, the top few buttons undone to show off plenty of her fake cleavage and fragments of a huge tattoo that’s across her chest....
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... A sign by the road indicates that this is the A127, and that the next turn-off is to...
Series 6, Episode 20 The Portsmouth Women’s Institute (ages 50-60), from Portsmouth We open with a very simple and idyllic establishing shot of the front of an unobtrusive building with a little square of grass around it. A sign reads, “PORTSMOUTH WOMEN’S INSTITUTE” A small car park is half filled with sensible middle-class cars a Volvo, an Audi, a nice VW, etc. Trees rustle as the wind blows through them. Very safe violin music plays on the soundtrack and then The needle on the record...
Series 4, Episode 12: LINDA We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re on a country road, there’s a building 50 yards away in the distance – high fences all...
Series 4, Episode 14: LAUREN We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new - we’re in a semi-industrial, run down old part of town. Clearly an area that’s seen better days. Half of the factory units/shops around here are locked up with ‘TO LET’ signs stating, ‘LOW RENT’. Despite being half closed, there’s a good number of vans driving...
Series 5, Episode 19 - Tiffany Black (36) We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – just long enough to notice that this week the shot includes lines of longitude and latitude ... Then we fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the country, staying on the zero-degree line of latitude ... Dropping toward the south, toward the huge urban spread of London ... Staying on that imaginary line – right into...
Series 5, Episode 9: Tara Carver (59) – Edinburgh We open with our standard sequence – a high altitude image of the United Kingdom. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy caricature of our host, Charley, floating infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping toward the ground, heading in...
We begin this week’s show with a shot of a collection of impressive, modern tower blocks. Each has a different style, format, and color. From browns, to greys, to whites. Lots of windows and lots of balconies. We move along a new, black-topped road, toward the towers, noting the lack of old buildings, and the lack of greenery (a few freshly planted trees and a flower bed, nothing more). There’s an ornamental sculpture up ahead at the side of the road – it looks like a stack of cubes twisted...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 18: Penelope” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 18: PENELOPE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something familiar... A narrow single car width country road, leading through an area of barren, rolling, grassy hills. Dry stone walls rise about 3 feet on either side of the narrow road. A few cows...
Series 5, Episode 13: Annalise Tsaro (31) – Dover – builder’s wife, loads of kids, ultra-protected, wants to do something crazy and independent We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level in front of the White Cliffs of Dover in just a few seconds – and we’re already into live-action. From here we race toward the cliffs, but just as we expect to rise...
We fade in on the face of a man – Mr Average, nothing to shout about, nothing to run away from ... He’s filming himself, selfie-style on a smart-phone camera. He looks excited and full of fun. He speaks, almost whispers, direct to the camera, in a mild Scouse accent, “Dear Charley, my name’s Kyle, and I’d like to nominate my partner, Becky, to be on The United Kingdom of Zoo – because she never stops thinking about having sex with dogs ... And to prove it ... Come with me...” He turns the...
We start this week’s show with a drone shot, flying over endless terraces streets of old homes. Black roofs, barely a solar panel in sight, narrow streets crowded with parked cars... Then we cut to ground level in one of those narrow streets, seeing the cars parked on the pavement on either side, giving just enough room for another car to squeeze through. Terraced two-story houses line either side of the street, behind small walls that protect about a meter of concrete rather than a...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...
Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...
from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...
Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...
We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...
We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...
Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...
We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...
Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...