The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 1, Episode 10: Nikki
We’re in front of a pharmacy, talking to a big woman - big boobs, wide bottom, and a round (not huge) belly. A perfectly respectable shape for a middle-aged mother of two (mother of three if you count her step-daughter). Her hair is short and dark and frames a face that’s both happy and easy to look at. She wears a dark and light blue coloured outfit – work uniform.
“My name is Nikki Hinton, I’m 42 years old, I’m a pharmacist, and I’m from Stoke-on-Trent.” She says with a strong, but clear accent.
We watch as she goes about her daily business, working behind the counter, serving customers, advising them, filling prescriptions, etc. All the time hearing her in voice-over.
“I’ve been married for 21 years. Half my life. I have a great relationship with Peter. We’re very compatible. We have three beautiful children and a good life ... But there’s always been something missing. I have a very healthy sexual appetite – I love it. And so does Peter. We like the same things for the most part...”
Have you told him about your... ‘Fetish’?
“No. I’ve never told anybody about my fetish before. I suppose I thought no one would understand. It’s normal for me, but I worry that it might change people’s opinion of me. It’s been a part of my life since I was quite young. It’s always been there, on my mind, but never talked about.”
How did you first get turned on to bestiality?
“When I was a lot younger, still a kid, I went to a party, and my friend’s dog tried to mount one of the other of the girls. Nothing happened, but I could see his cock sticking out and it got me quite turned on. I couldn’t understand why it turned me on, but it did. For years I thought I was the only one ... Then I started looking around on the internet and found that there were plenty of women who were turned on by it.”
And now you want to take it a step further?
“I want to take it several steps further. I want to take it as far as it can go. I figure that this is my big chance. If I don’t do it now, I can’t see when I would ever do it.”
The family have no idea what’s going on. We’ve told them that we are making a show about working mothers who make their marriages work.
We interview Peter, her husband, a respectable type. “Nikki is an amazing mother and a wonderful wife. I’ve never wanted for anything with her. I was married once before and that was a disaster, but Nikki – if I had to design the perfect wife and mother, it would be just like her. Intelligent, considerate, and, umm, ‘fun’ to be with.”
We talk to 19 year old daughter Elizabeth, “Mum once told me that life is full of frustration, but it’s the way you deal with that frustration that determines whether you have a good life or not. I’ll never forget that. She married quite young, and ended up with a 4 year old to look after from dad’s previous marriage, and then I came along a 18 months later ... So I suppose she’s had plenty of frustrations.”
16 year old Cal, her son. “She’s the business. Couldn’t ask for a better mum. She never does anything stupid to embarrass me like some of my friend’s mums. One of my friends – his mum is a like a total slut and everyone knows she sleeps around ... Everyone rips him about it all the time. Mum would never do anything like that to me.”
23 year old step-daughter Sarah, looks into camera with a glint in her eye. Pauses a long time before talking. “No ... I don’t think so ... I don’t think that’s why you’re here at all. I know what you’re here for ... I know what show she’s applied to be on.” She smiles to herself and nods. “Yeah, we and my friends have seen the advert and we’ve had a good laugh about it ... Yeah – she BELONGS on that show. She’ll love it! I hope she does. I look forward to seeing it.”
Which show?
She smirks and shakes her head. “You know which show it is.”
Back to Nikki, outside the pharmacy.
“My name is Nikki Shinton, and I want to have sex with a dog.”
And we’re in a car, heading out of Stoke toward an undisclosed location. Nikki drives and talks to a camera in the corner of the windshield.
“I talk to people online about these fantasies all the time, and they are very supportive. But I don’t know how to tell ‘real’ people about them. I’m so scared of how they’d react. So I want to just do it, and then by the time everyone has seen the show it will be too late – I won’t be able to back out. I’ll have to talk about it, and suffer the consequences.” The car pulls up outside a motorway motel. Nikki gets out and walks into reception. We continue to listen to her voice-over.
“I hope it’s not an anti-climax. I hope the dog feels as good inside me as I’ve always dreamed it would. I hope it lasts a long time. I hope it’s hard and fast and I really get to enjoy myself.”
Inside one of the rooms – the door opens and Nikki enters. She reacts to something that is off-camera – a gasp, a smile, and a “yyyeeaaaassssss” ... We look around and see a big, powerful, Boxer dog standing on the bed, looking at the door as if he’s just been caught somewhere he shouldn’t be. It’s Bruno – and his owner, Drew, is sitting on a chair on the other side the bed.
“Is this the lucky doggy that’s going to fuck me?” Nikki asks with a huge knowing smile. “Or am I the lucky lady who this doggy is going to fuck!?”
Bruno cocks his head on one side, confused by the words. He’s used to action.
What do you think?
“Ooooh, he’s a handsome boy!” Nikki laughs. “I think we can have a lot of fun together...”
She walks to the bed and leans down to the dog, stroking his head, then back, getting her face close to his. She’s watched a lot of videos and she knows what she wants him to do ... He obliges, licking her face – slobbering and slapping his tongue around infront of and on her face to be more accurate. She opens her mouth and sticks her tongue out flat against her chin – letting him lick that, and lick inside her mouth, as he wishes.
Next thing we know she’s undressing. Her blouse and pants have already been removed, folded and placed on a chair opposite the bed. She’s there in her best black panties (which are almost swallowed up by her big butt), and a classy looking black bra that strains to support her big boobs. Her body is large, as are her thighs, but they aren’t obese – pleasantly rounded, overweight, but not so fat that they sag too far.
The whole time she is undressing, Bruno is bouncing around her feet, jumping up onto the bed, then down again to do another lap of the room. Drew is encouraging him the whole time, “Who’s this?” “What do you do to sluts, Bruno?” “Fuck time, Bruno...”
Nikki hooks the gusset of her panties to one side and stands with her legs apart, bending her knees a little to open her thighs and offer her pussy to the dog. He takes the invitation, sloppily licking at her pussy and sending shivers of delight through her, causing a little giggly scream. She lets him lick as long as he likes – and he likes – until her legs begin to wobble.
“I think I need to sit down... “ She says as she staggers away from the licking and flops down on the edge of the bed. Bruno follows and keeps trying to lick at her pussy. She unfastens her bra and removes it, letting a large pair of boobs sag and swing slightly.
Drew notes that Bruno’s cock is beginning to show. “He’s ready”. Nikki reacts by removing her panties altogether.
“If you stick your arse on the edge of the bed and lay back your belly won’t hang down and you won’t look so fat.” Drew says with a complete lack of tact.
Nikki shuffles closer to the edge of the bed and leans back, letting her legs open wide. She puts her left arm across her chest, under her boobs, supporting them, the hand groping and squeezing the right, playing with the nipple. Her right hand is down between her legs, rubbing her fleshy, cleanly shaved pussy.
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With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...