The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 1, Episode 19: Nadia
She’s a good looking girl – slim and petite, with long straight black hair, olive skin, and a smile that looks like it was created for dental advertising. She’s almost playful in the way that she moves and talks, but between the jokes, the laughs, and the enthusiasm, there are brief moments where her mask slips and her true face shows through. It’s the surface that’s happy, beneath that, she’s miserable. Her accent is South London, flavoured with just a hint of Croatian, the price for being raised by immigrant parents.
“Allo. My name is Nadia Mitrovic. I’m 27 years old. I’m from Sutton, in South London, in England. (pause whilst a prompt comes from off camera) And I’m a secretary at the head office of a major insurance company.”
We interview her on her lunch-hour, sitting on a bench with a large office building in the background. She’s wearing a sensible women’s two-piece business suit and blouse, plus two inch heels. Her hair is tied back in a pony-tail, which is pulled forward over her shoulder. She toys with the loose ends as she talks – putting a few strands in the corner of her mouth to chew on when she has to think.
“I’ve wanted to do it for years ... It’s a big turn on. Everyone else thinks it’s disgusting and perverted. I think the same thing really, but that’s why I like it. Just the idea of doing something so dirty gets me wet.”
Have you tried anything like this before?
“No, I’ve always been too scared of something going wrong. I’ve never taken the chance.”
What first attracted you to it?
“It’s a funny story this one ... My boss, he’s a real perv. He keeps signing up to porno sites from his computer – but he doesn’t know that I get a copy of every email he gets, so that I can log all his mail. So I get access codes sent to me for all the websites he signs up to. I’ve been there for years – and one of the first emails I get is from beastforum.com – and I look, and he’s got premium membership, so I can see everything ... And like I said, I’m shocked, and disgusted, and turned-on ... And I keep looking, and downloading all the time – and he’s got no clue that I’m sitting outside his office getting more turned-on by his bestiality membership than he probably is. When he sees this I don’t know if he’ll be more embarrassed that I know he’s on there, or more frustrated that I’m out here touching myself and he doesn’t know.”
Does your husband know?
“No ... I wouldn’t know how to tell him.”
So ... Why ‘come out of the closet’ now?
“I’m not happy ... My parents, right, my parents were Serbians living in Croatia, and they managed to escape the war and bring me here for a better life when I was a baby ... I’ve taken everything for granted ... I didn’t work at school, I ended up getting a job I don’t even like, I’m married – and he’s nice and treats me well and all that, but, uh, I don’t feel like that’s forever ... I basically don’t think I’ve done enough with my life. And I want to start again ... Then I was on beastforum and I saw the ad for your show – and bingo, here I am ... Couldn’t resist. I know this’ll change everything. Everyone will treat me different. I’ll have to do things differently.”
We cut to a shot of her standing right infront of the doors to her work. The company name/logo perfectly framed behind her but blanked out after we received some strong legal advice.
She speaks direct to camera with a quite cheerful tone.
‘My name is Nadia Mitrovic and I need to suck and fuck a dog.’
And then she turns and almost skips back into work, her round bottom wiggling as she goes. This one is going to be fun!
A week later and it’s time for Nadia’s ‘date’. We meet her leaning on the bonnet of her (second hand) BMW, talking direct to camera. She is wearing a white, too-tight t-shirt, and what appears to be a Wonderbra beneath giving her firmer, rounder boobs than before; her skintight blue jeans show off her wide hips (she’s slightly pear shaped), and knee length boots. Her hair is loose over her shoulders, and she’s wearing large sunglasses and too much make-up. It’s almost as if she’s trying to hide her identity. Second thoughts?
“Not second thoughts ... No ... But I won’t deny I’m feeling a little bit nervous. The closer I got, the less excited I was and the more scared I got.” A pause. “This is a big thing for me.”
It’s not too late to back out...
“No. I’m not backing out. Not when I’m so close.” She looks to the side and we pan to show that she’s parked in the street outside Rob’s home in Oldham.
Are you excited? She nods.
Are you turned on? She smiles and nods.
Shall we step inside? She pauses, smiles nervously, and nods.
Nadia heads up the driveway on foot. We follow, enjoying that wonderfully round behind squeezed into those tight jeans. The front door opens and Rob greets Nadia, who greets him with an air-kiss on both cheeks, then steps inside.
Minutes later, Nadia is sitting on the couch in the lounge room. Rob’s big hairy Alsatian, Vader, is sitting on the couch next to her, panting away with his huge tongue hanging out, looking slightly puzzled.
Rob speaks up. “I think he’s a bit confused. I usually tell ladies to wear a dress or a skirt, but with her wearing jeans he’s probably not sure what she is. He won’t be able to smell as much.”
Nadia’s face is blank as she strokes Vader’s back and shoulders with a hint of sympathy. She struggles to force a smile as she says, “That makes two of us a bit confused ... I’m not sure why I’m here anymore...”
Maybe if you take off your jeans he’ll have a better idea of why you’re here, and you might remember too...
She remains emotionless as she unzips and pulls off her boots, then stands and unbuttons her jeans. Wriggling them over her hips, down her thighs, over her knees and her large calves, and pulling them off her feet. She throws them onto the arm of the couch and pauses. Looking at the dog and smiling a little as he jumps off the couch and starts to sniff at her crotch. “Now he knows what’s going on...” She giggles nervously.
She’s small next to the dog – not the smallest we’ve seen, but a small woman all the same. Maybe 5’3”. Slim but not skinny. Big hips, round behind and strong legs, but not fat. She pulls the gusset of her panties to one side and lets the dog sniff at her. He likes what he smells and moves closer to inspect – with his tongue. She shivers and staggers backwards with a giggle.
Kev suggests that she remove her panties, sit on the couch - then lean back, spread her legs and let Vader help her relax ... She takes his advice. Panties off to reveal a hairy pussy. Sits on the couch, legs wide apart with a hand over her pussy and leans back. Get’s comfortable, and then – nervously – moves her hand away to reveal a set of the meatiest pussy lips we’ve seen on the show in this whole season. Big and – judging by Vader’s reaction – juicy.
The dog dives in, his snout right up between her thighs, his nose pressing on her clit, his tongue working both lips and up in between. Nadia gasps and moans, one hand running over her tight t-shirt, the other checking her dark glasses are still covering her eyes.
He keeps working her cunt with his big hot tongue. She continues to moan, no words, just pleasurably happy noises. Mmmmmmm, nnnmmmmmm, mmmmmmnnnnn. In a quick close up we can see her big pussy lips being pushed around by his even bigger tongue, the shiny pink insides glistening for the camera.
She breaths harder and deeper, trying to control it ... Her chest straining the t-shirt with every breath. The dog’s tongue driving her to distraction. Wet, sloppy, hot ... Changing his angle or going deep inside her lips just when she needs him to keep doing the same thing for a few more seconds. She finally loses her patience with him and pushes his head away. Shyness and nerves are long gone... “Okay,” she says, “fuck this, I need his cock in me...”
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Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...
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We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...
Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...
We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
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Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...