The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)s6e18: Petra Johnson (34) free porn video

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We open with a mini-montage of the architecture and beauty of the historic city of Cambridge. Universities, churches, museums, old houses ... We see a couple being taken for a romantic trip along the River Cam on a punt. There’s lots of people about, and it’s a beautiful sunny day (observant viewers may note that this establishing footage was taken from an old episode of Antiques Road Show). It’s a beautiful city.

Then we slam cut to the inside of a large concrete and steel barn – where we can see and hear pigs rooting around in the mud and straw that covers the floor of multiple pens. Each surrounded with a 4 foot high breeze-block wall and fronted with a heavy steel gate. This is about as far from the beauty of the city as one could get.

We cut back outside to the farmyard, and watch a large German Shepherd dog running through a muddy courtyard – we focus in on the deep paw marks he’s left in the mud – then see a pair of feet in high stripper heels stepping into shot. The clear plastic stacked heels sinking three inches into the mud and shit. We track up her toned, slim legs, with little dog-paw tattoos winding up from one ankle, around the calf, behind the knee, around the thigh and out of sight up under her mini-skirt. Moving up over her tight belt, to her big chest, obviously fake and loudly tattooed (declaring her to be the “WORLD’S GREATEST DOGSLUT”, over her neck (which now has a dotted line tattooed around it with a pair of scissors marked ‘cut here’, and up to her face – which in close-up is an almost baby-smooth surface, overly botoxed and heavily made-up (especially thick scarlet lipstick and charcoal eye shadow). This is our once-hot hostess ... The self-titled Queen of Dogsex - Charley Ozvik. She’s a shadow of the women she was a year ago. The lockdown really hasn’t agreed with her.

She speaks direct to camera – but even her familiar Mancunian accent appears to be affected ... Like she’s trying to be something she isn’t, posher ... A more traditional BBC host voice – as if she thinks she could work on anything other than a bestiality show with her reputation...

“Hello, and welcome to another edition of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... Over the years we’ve watched a lot of ladies have sex with a lot of dogs – but a common request, or complaint, we’ve had - is that we should show some other animals ... Well today, we’re going to address that, with a young lady who has a serious love for pork...”

We move around Charley until we are looking back toward the big pig barn ... And standing infront of the barn, and now next to Charley, there’s pretty blonde in a thin summer dress. The dress is actually thin enough that we can see her matching black bra and panties through it. And in that black bra, a good pair of boobs. We note that she’s standing just out of the mud, raised up a couple of inches from the yard on a grass verge by a fence. Even standing on this verge, she’s still shorter than Charley.

Charley takes a squelching step closer and greets her guest. “Hello there ... Would you like to tell the viewers at home who you are... ?”

The little blonde takes a breath and answers in a clear, fairly high pitched and slightly Eastern European accented voice. “Yes ... I’m Petra Johnson. I’m 34. And ... I love animals!” She briefly slips from smiling pleasantly to a full-on grin, then drops her head forward, hiding her face whilst she composes herself.

Charley pushes on, “How long have you been thinking about ‘loving’ animals?”

“Ahhh, I’d say, since I was about 14 or 15...” She says, thinking back. “I would watch the animal documentaries and they would show them breeding, and it was just vey raw ... There were no cuddles and romance ... The male just came and took what he wanted ... And the female was just there for him ... And it got into my head – and suddenly I’m thinking about dogs, horses ... Pigs ... All of them.”

Charley steps a little closer, evidently enjoying Petra’s excitement. “And what do you think about doing with all of them?”

Petra smiles and looks back at Charley like she’s an idiot... “I want to breed with them, of course ... I want to fill my belly with their babies ... And, maybe, swallow them to, to show I belong to them!” She holds a finger up to her mouth as if we needed it pointing out. It’s very cute and playful.

“You asked us about pigs ... Which is unusual. Most of our applicants are keen to meet one of our dogs ... Why pigs?” Checks Charley.

“Well...” Says Petra, stretching the word out. “I like doggies too ... But I think a piggy is a little bit dirtier than the dog ... It’s more rude. And no one has done it on the show before. I want to be dirty – and I want to be different ... And they have soooo much cum ... I want to be filled right up!”

“Do I detect a bit of an accent there?” Asks Charley.

Petra smiles and nods, “Yes ... Just a little bit of Polish still there, from my mother, and when I was a little girl...”

“It’s very cute...” Comments Charley, and Petra thanks her ... Then Charley gets back on track... “Okay then ... In that shed behind you – there’s a particularly large, particularly fat, and particularly ugly pig ... And he’s ready to fuck you ... Are you ready to meet your dream lover?” She asks, sounding more and more like a gameshow host.

Petra straightens up, pushing her chest out proudly and smiling again, turning her head slightly from Charley to the camera, and answers, “YES!” with a big smile to camera.

We cut to a shot of the summer dress draped over the top of the wooden fence, then a hand reaches in and hangs a black satin-touch bra over the dress. We pull back to see that Petra is now stripped down to her black panties. She looks pale, but beautifully formed – with naturally round tits that sag just a little, big round pink areola surround little but very hard nipples which are already standing proud. Her belly is flat, her skin smooth. She reaches down and pulls her panties down, revealing a neatly trimmed pussy – the barest minimum of hair above an almost completely exposed but very neat cunt.

She steps out of the panties and drapes them over the fence with her dress and bra. She’s now completely naked, standing on the edge of the farmyard, under the East Anglian sun...

With the slightest of off-camera prompts she steps carefully into the mud – and tip-toes as best she can away from us, showing off a sexy pair of buttocks – and heads to the shed door. When she gets to it, she has to use both hands, and really lean over, to get the heavy steel door moving...

She looks over her shoulder, a cheeky smile and a follow-me look, and then with a little wave she turns and steps out of the sun light and into the darkness beyond.

Inside – it’s noisy and dark. The sound of a hundred pigs and piglets, squealing, snorting, breathing, rooting around in the dirt. A single light bulb on a long cable hanging over each pen.

We watch as Petra walks along a wide concrete walkway that runs down the middle of the shed – the pig pens on either side. Stark naked, she seems totally at ease with showing off everything she’s got on camera – but she’s carrying her hands out to her sides, raised a little in the air as if she can avoid getting dirty ... She peers from one side to the other as she walks, looking over the walls and down at the sows and piglets in each pen. The look on her face is a picture of excitement.

She looks up and catches the camera pointed at her, smirks again, then comments that, “It smells terrible in here...” Her smile suggests that this isn’t a problem for her.

We cut to see her as she approaches the stall at the end of the walkway – a sign on the steel gate at the front reads ‘WINSTON’. The printing rough, by hand, black paint on white cardboard.

She bends forward a little and peers between the cross-bars of the gate – then let’s out a gasp... “He’s massive!” Then turns to the camera with an incredulous open-mouthed grin... “Blood-y hell!”

We cut to look at Winston – the ‘massive’ pig, as he waddles across the pen toward to gate to see who’s come to see him. He gets close to the gate and raises his big fat head toward our blonde ... And as he snorts and sniffs at the air, she climbs up a couple of bars on the gate and leans over the top, her pelvis against the top bar, her boobs hanging down, trying to get her face as close to the pig as possible. She gets within a few inches, then stops – worried she might topple forward and fall to the mud covered concrete if she leans any further.

Winston reacts by turning around and shuffling away and Petra gasps – looking visibly shocked, incredulous – and very happy/amused ... Her mouth hanging open but still smiling. “Look at his balls ... They ... Are ... Huge!!”

“And they are full to the brim too!” Comments Charley. Audiences at home will guess that she’s been here before to sample the goods herself before we brought any guests here – and they are correct.

Petra gasps again at the idea of them being full. “I know they cum a lot ... But I never thought about how big those balls would be...” She licks her lips, then looks up at the camera with another smile. “There’s a whole pint in there for me!!”

She watches for a few moments, still standing on the second bar of the gate, her pelvis still against the top cold steel bar of the gate, hands gripping the gate in case her muddy feet slip. Lost in thought for a second – admiring the ugly fat beast.

Then she looks back at the camera and asks, “Can I just get straight in?”

We cut back to a shot from inside the pen, watching her as she climbs up one more fence bar, then swings a short but nicely formed leg over the top, getting her footing on the other side, and then carefully swinging the other leg over before climbing down to the filthy floor inside.

Winston turns and approaches as soon as she hits the floor – he’s got a good idea of what it means when a naked human gets in here. He’s neither fast nor aggressive, but his approach is enough to make Petra take a step back toward the fence and her bare foot slips a little in some shit on the concrete floor – she grabs the fence to stop her from falling – then flashes a look up to camera and nods to indicate she’s alright.

The big pig isn’t shy – he walks right to her and sniffs again – his big soft snout getting much closer this time – the wet end rubbing over her knees and thighs. He’s huge next to her – obviously much shorter, but so fat and round next to her slim frame and short legs. The fact that she’s a petite woman makes him look even bigger.

She stands with her hands up out of the way, dead still, letting him sniff at her. Obviously very turned on. She smiles and nods toward the camera, then starts talking. “He’s bloody huge ... I didn’t think pigs were this big...”

“Are you scared?” Charley checks.

Petra pauses before answering. “No ... Not scared ... Nervous ... Not scared...” She slowly lowers a hand toward him and strokes his big head and neck – looking back to the camera to confirm that, “But very horny!”

She strokes him a little more, bending forward and bringing her other hand down to his nose – letting him sniff that and taking the chance to rub her palm and fingers against his piggy snout. Clearly curious about how it feels... “Slimy!” She confirms with a smile for the viewers at home.

Winston turns and walks away, and our slut straightens up, watching him waddle. She brings her hands up to her big breasts and cups them, rubbing gently and pinching her nipples – apparently very turned on indeed – and keen to get started.

We cut to a high angle to watch as she just stands and watches him walk around. Then after a few seconds she starts to follow him around, getting closer and bending forward as she walks so that she can pat and stroke his back. Trying to calm him down and get closer.

He finally comes to a halt and lets her stand close to him. She strokes his back, then over his hip and down his rear leg – across toward his swollen scrotum – which looks more like a babboon’s arse than a man’s ball-sack ... And gently strokes his balls – her fingers running up and down the skin. She starts breathing again, and it’s only then that we realise she was holding her breath as she reached out to touch them. She pushes gently to note how full and swollen they are. “Oh my, he’s full to the brim...” She gasps. “I’m going to get soooooo wet...” She giggles again, then reaches down to touch the top of her pussy. “I’m already very wet!!”

And then she’s on the floor, on her hands and knees, crawling around beside the pig – her fingers squishing into the dirt ... Crawling toward him and bumping him with her shoulder... “Come on, big boy ... You want me... ? Eh? You want to make babies?”

Winston turns his head toward her and recognises the signs right away ... Woman – naked – on floor ... Time to fuck!

He begins to waddle around in a circle, getting his front end around behind her rear end ... She helps him by crawling forward and turning away – presenting her lovely rear end to him.

He sniffs at her arse – his big wet snout pushing up against her flesh – smearing snot all over her buttocks ... Then he begins to shuffle forward, pushing up against her ... Pushing so hard that she is forced to brace herself, lowering from her hands to her elbows, her boobs brushing against the straw and mud on the floor as she places her forearms out infront of her – edging her knees a little further apart to lower her pussy toward the floor.

She looks around to see if she can see the pig behind her – and ends up looking right into the camera again – giving us a cheeky little smile of anticipation – she knows the moment is almost here and she’s not scared at all...

The pink monster runs his snout down the cleft of her arse and snorts at her pussy ... Getting a good smell of it to confirm this is what he thinks it is – each outward snort making Petra gasp and squeal a little – the feel of his hot breath, and the immediate closeness of the animal putting her on the edge of an orgasm before he’s even mounted her ... And then ... He’s mounting her...

Putting one trotter up her back, making her grit her teeth and wince a little, he almost steps up onto her, then pulls his enormous fat bulk forward, and lets the trotter slip down her side (leaving a long painful looking welt just below her ribs – which she ignores – adrenaline knocking the pain out altogether) ... He heaves himself further forward and brings his other front leg up against her other side. Unlike a dog, he doesn’t try to grip his slut, or support himself – he simply rests all his weight on the girl.

From the strain on her face we can tell it is a LOT of weight ... His flesh almost folds over her, like a heavy blanket.

He’s so big and long that by the time he’s shuffled his cock up to her pussy, his massive head is hanging above hers, meaning that she only has to raise her head a little to look right into the side of his horrible mouth. And all the time she’s still smiling...

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We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e7 Siobhan

Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e10 Alison Latham

Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

2 years ago
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  • 15
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e8 Rosie

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e9 Shelly

Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

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