The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 6, Episode 18: Sadie Gonzalez (45) from Motherwell
We fade in on a drone shot – flying over the middle of a small town ... Not too pretty, low rise, tightly packed ... Then panning around over a large, craggy area of parkland, before coming to rest on a large old-school factory.
We hover over the factory for a moment, then cut to...
Outside the factory ... Ground level. Our hostess – in a low cut top that shows off her fake boobs and chest covering ‘DOGWHORE’ tattoo – and tight mini-skirt that shows off her slim, strong looking legs. Walking toward us, balancing on high stripper shoes – two inches of transparent plastic at the front, five inches of stiletto heel at the back. It’s a miracle that she doesn’t take a tumble on the uneven carpark surface.
“Hello, and welcome to Scotland, for another edition of everybody’s favourite bestiality expose... ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’. The beautiful thing about dogs is that they don’t care if you’ve got a flat hard stomach...” She pats her stomach as she walks. “ ... And they don’t care if you’ve got big firm boobs...” She grabs her boobs to emphasize that she’s talking about her body. Then she continues, “And this week we’re going to meet a lady who wants to be wanted for more than her body ... I know the feeling!” She smiles, her botox smoothed features twisting as much as they can. She looks like a strange children’s doll. Having spent the last few years altering her body, Charley is a strange person to be complaining about people only being interested in women’s bodies!
We cut to inside the factory – big machines bending and forming steel sheeting, fabricating steel construction frames, are attended by tired looking workers.
We focus on a lady walking along the production line – she’s holding a clipboard and is making notes as she walks. The woman is best described as ‘buxom’ – not too tall, not so much fat, as very curvy. The two couple of buttons of her white blouse are undone to show off a lot of natural, round cleavage. Even without the buttons we could easily tell that she has a major pair of boobs.
Once we’ve got over the first impression, we take the rest of her in and note that above the boobs there’s a fairly plane olive-skinned face, with anonymous features, curtained by long black centre-parted hair.
We hear her in voice-over as she continues to take notes regarding the work that’s being done. Her Scottish accent is strong, direct and almost aggressive.
“My name is Sadie Gonzalez ... I’m 45 years old, and I live and work in Motherwell...”
Cut to Sadie sitting on a bench in a communal meals/smoking area outside the factory – she’s got a cigarette in her hand, lit, which she puffs on throughout the interview.
The first comment is a throwaway line, not part of the question and answer, but it seemed like the best way to introduce her and her self-depreciating attitude. “Most men don’t look at my face.” She indicates down toward her extensive cleavage. “I doubt most of the lads I work with would recognise me if I put an overcoat on!”
She takes a long drag on the cigarette, sucks it in, blows it out.
Charley begins her line of questioning. “Tell us about the first time you thought about having sex with an animal...”
“When I was young ... I was very self-conscious about these...” She indicates her boobs again. “So I kind of hid them away. I was always in the baggy jumpers and big coats. I wore bras too small to try and lock them down ... And the boys weren’t interested in me, because, you know – ma face is nothing to get excited by ... So I spent a lot of time alone, thinking about sex, like, but nay getting’ anything – not even a kiss...” She takes another drag of the cigarette, building up the nerve to confess her secrets.
“We had a dog at home ... And I used to kiss him ... Let him kiss me ... Lick ma mouth, an’ that ... I even let him lick my flower a bit ... Sometimes ... But I always felt so guilty ... Like I was a bad girl ... A dirty girl ... An’ I was terrified of getting caught – an’ everyone finding out what I really was...”
“Did you ever try to fuck him?” Asks Charley with genuine interest.
“Noooo ... He tried to fuck me all the time ... He tried to fuck everyone ... You know, the old leg-humper ... A few times we were were playin’ around he’d try to get on me, but I always fought him off...” Another drag. “But I wanted to ... I was desperate to lose ma virginity like all my friends ... Well, no exactly like all ma friends, obviously ... I don’t think any of they were messin’ around wi’ dogs!”
“What happened to him?” Checks Charley.
“Ah, he got old ... By the time I was ready to take it further – he was too old, no’ interested anymore ... And by then I couldn’t hide these anymore ... And the boys were startin’ to get interested in me ... And interesting to me...”
“You’ve had a lot of boyfriends?” Asks Charley.
Another suck on the cigarette as Sadie considers her answer. “Not a lot ... What’s a lot? No ... A few. The ones I had, we had a lot of fun ... I wasn’t shy ... But I met Davie pretty early on, and he was a good guy. He always told me I was beautiful ... I never believed him, mind, but it was nice to hear. I sometimes even felt he wasn’t only after me for ma tits!”
“But even when you were with Good Guy Davie, you still thought about dogs?” Checks our hostess.
“Not all the time ... But sometimes, aye...” Another quick drag. “Sometimes the idea just came out of nowhere ... It made me feel dirty ... Just thinking about thinking about it – made me feel like I was a really bad lassie ... My dark, dirty secret...”
“Does Davie know about it?”
“Yeah ... When your show started, I told him about ma close encounters ... But I didn’t tell him how much I wished I had taken them further...”
“How did he feel about that?”
She takes another long, slow, draw on the cigarette – it’s something between erotic and cough-inducing for the viewers ... Then answers, “The whole doggy thing doesn’t turn him on ... Not on your show, and not about when I was younger ... He wasn’t that interested when I told him ... I mean, he listened, and we shagged afterwards, but I don’t think it turned him on or off ... It’s like he doesn’t associate it wi’ sex...”
“What does he think is happening today?”
“He thinks I’m on one of they re-styling shows ... Getting’ my hair and make-up done, new clothes, all that...” She smiles. “Make myself beautiful...”
“But what are you really going to be doing?” Asks Charley, deliberately leading her guest into her next line...
“I’m going to be living out my life’s fantasy – I’m gonna suck, and fuck, a big doggy ... And I’m gonna let everyone see me do it...” She smiles again. The smile makes her look more apologetic than pretty.
We cut to an anonymous hotel room. It’s a bit small, and the windows are closed due to the cold outside, so the sound is a little dull and muffled throughout ... The high-quality video makes up for it – it’s good to have our crew back in action.
We watch as Sadie casually removes her clothes and tosses them on the bed behind her. Her blouse comes off, revealing her olive-skinned body – a little thick set and with a big pair of boobs locked away in a black patterned bra.
“I’m not worried about it being a let-down. If it is, it is ... I just want to try it, and if it’s shite I won’t do it again.”
“And if it’s good?” Checks Charley.
“Well then I’ll do it again ... And again ... As much as I can!”
She unhooks her bra, setting those big tits free – they drop a few inches and spread against her wide chest. The big brown nipples aren’t hard yet, but she fixes that – holding one boob up with her left hand, sucking and licking at her own nipple, then switching to the other – grab, lift, suck. Looking up at the camera as she does it. The way she does it we get the feeling that this is standard foreplay for her. Very much a do-it-yourself situation.
Then she takes off her trousers, revealing a big bum and thick thighs. Again, not so much ‘fat’ as large. Leaving her in a pair of plane white panties. Not quite grandma underpants, but not overly sexy either. She pauses, not sure if she should go any further. Looking a little ashamed, then she pulls the panties down and steps out of them. Her pussy hair is dark and thick, but neat enough. Well kept.
Charley waits a couple of seconds, then asks, “How are you feeling?”
“Cheap. Dirty. Like a whore.” She pauses. “I like it. I like the world seeing me as I really am. I pretend to be something I’m not. A good wife. A nice Catholic lady. I’m not. I’m a dirty whore. Turned on by dogs ... I’m a slut...”
“And you’d like to prove that here today?” Charley confirms.
“Yes.” Her chin up, forcing the words out. She wants them to be true. “I’m looking forward to it. It’s what I deserve. I can’t keep pretending to be the nice lady.”
Charley checks, “So, if we open that door over there...” We cut to a close up of the door to the room. “ ... And a big, bad, doggy should walk in ... You’d be ready to pleasure him?
Sadie has no doubts at all. “Yes ... I’d be here for his pleasure. He could use me any way he wanted to. Or any way his owner wanted him to. Or any way you guys wanted him to...” She raises an eyebrow to us, as if trying to call our bluff. She should know better.
We cut back to the door ... A little pause, and then the handle turns, and the door opens a crack ... A big, hairy snout appears in the gap, then the door is pushed open by the dog’s head. He pushes his way in and we are soon face-to-face with a large St Bernard. Bulky, with saggy jowls and a heavy belly hanging off a powerful wide body!
He stumbles in and pads over to our guest ... She’s not the shortest guest we’ve had, and with her wide hips and big tits she’s a powerful looking figure – but when this beast gets close to her, we remember just how big he is...
Charley introduces him for those who are new to the show. “This ... Is Goliath...” She pauses to let us take in the scale of the beast standing infront of Sadie. It’s not that he’s tall – it’s his length and width. He’s a big animal. His long tail sweeping back and forth suggesting that despite his sad looking face he’s actually quite happy to be here.
Charley continues, “Goliath is a 6-year-old St Bernard, and he’s been on the show half-a-dozen times already – bringing his own special brand of dog-love to the women of the UK of Zoo...”
We watch as Sadie stands over him – looking down ... Her chest rising and falling faster than before - she’s trying to look cool and collected, but it looks like her heart is pumping 100mph. This is real. She takes a stuttering step toward the beast, her hand out for him to sniff. He turns around, walks away to the corner of the room and flops on the floor on his side.
Off camera, but still audible, we hear Charley comment, “He doesn’t like fat birds...” We note that Sadie, despite being dismissive of herself, doesn’t seem too happy at Charley’s comment – but she plays the part anyway ... Following him to the corner of the room saying, “It’s okay, boy, it’s okay.” She kneels down next to him, and begins to stroke his side. “I’m here for you. I’m here for you to use...” She forces a smile. “Because I’m nothing but a worthless whore.” She doesn’t quite seem to believe what she’s saying, but she says it all the same.
She runs her hand over his rear end, down his thigh ... Stroking him a couple of times before she moves to his balls, cupping and gently rubbing them – looking around to the crew behind the camera to make sure she’s doing it right ... Then continuing down under and between his legs, stroking and rubbing his sheath – immediately being rewarded with the lipstick tip of his pink cock poking out of his sheath. Proof that she IS doing it right.
“Are ye ready to fuck me?” She asks the dog. “Am I worthy?”
She looks at the camera as she continues to rub his belly and expose more cock and confirms to the audience at home that, “I just want to be used...”
“Then give him a suck ... Get him nice and warmed up...”
Sadie strokes his belly some more, looking at his cock, thinking about it ... Then looks up at the camera again. “I think I just want to be fucked...”
We cut away quickly so that the viewers don’t hear Charley making a comment about being surprised a fat girl like Sadie wouldn’t want something in her mouth.
After the cut, Goliath is back on his feet, looking like he’s ready to get started, back up on his feet and prowling around.
Sadie has positioned herself on her hands and knees, her wide bum up and exposed. She’s looking down at the floor, her long black hair hanging down and obscuring her face almost completely. She places her knees fairly wide apart, making sure there’s room between her thighs for the dog to get comfortable – possibly a little low for him, but this dog is pretty good at problem solving...
Charley calls to her, “Get your hair out of your face ... You might not be pretty, but we want to see you...” – and Sadie reacts by sweeping her hair over to the far side of her head, staying in position as the giant circles around behind her, trying to figure out how to mount her low pussy ... His cock already showing, glistening as the light catches it ... Then he suddenly turns toward her, and moves forward, stepping over her rear end, standing astride her, his front paws on the floor on either side of her – up around her ribs ... His back legs bent as he almost crouches behind her - his hard cock prodding at her pussy lips.
She lets out a little yelp of fear – but there’s a bit of a smile on her face suggesting that she’s genuinely looking forward to this.
He’s arching his back and trying to force his way in ... She’s gasping ... As he continues to step up over her, then back away, changing his angle – pushing and prodding at her ... She doesn’t move – just lets him do as he pleases over her...
He stumbles away and she kneels back on her haunches, sweeping her hair out of her face against and looking up at the camera – then to Charley behind it. Listening and nodding as Charley gives instructions.
“Arse up a bit ... Lean forward ... Push it out – and tense your legs ... You’ve got to do some work too, you know... !”
Cut to Sadie on her hands and knees again – this time with her knees closer together, her arse stuck out further, pushing back against her toes to try and raise her rear end a little more ... Goliath making another move toward her, and over her, his belly against her big arse this time ... Pumping ... Jagging ... And then...
Sadies eyes almost pop out as the giant beast stabs deep inside her. Yelping in shock, then gasping in pleasure, struggling to get that breath in due to size of the invader ... He leans forward against her, one front leg hooking back against her thigh, the other supporting his weight, then adjusting his position and lifting the other front leg off the floor, wrapping that under her – and she’s taking his weight ... And straining under it ... And then the fucking begins...
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Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...