The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)s9e20 - Yvette Nolan (59) Irish Pilot free porn video

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Series 9, Episode 20: Yvette Nolan (59), from Belfast

We cut to an establishing shot of a small commercial aeroplane coming in to land on a wide runway at an airport. We watch the plane fly overhead and turn to see it touching down. Then we cut to the inside of the terminal, seeing the passengers, staff and armed security. Signs show arrival and departures and we watch as they update for a second – and note one arrival, from Manchester – updating to show that it has arrived, and passengers are disembarking.

We pan down from the arrival board to see our host.

It’s everyone’s favourite fat Cockney, Dennis ... Short, fat, and with hair everywhere except the top of his head, he’s still a shock to the system after all of our lovely ladies and handsome hounds ... Speaking of which – this is the first time we’ve ever seen him without a dog by his side, because...

“Ello, welcome to another edition of the ‘United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... I’m Dennis ... And this...” He pauses, looking down to his side, then continuing, “Well, this is no-one, because the authorities didn’t want us to bring a dog in here – even one as handsome and talented as old Casanova...”

We cut to him walking through the airport, toward the arrivals gate. “This week we’ve crossed the sea to Northern Ireland ... We’re at the George Best Airport to surprise a lady with some surprising tastes...”

Behind Dennis, we see a pair of doors sliding open, and two pilots in appearing side-by-side. One male, one female, both in EasyJet uniforms. The female is getting on a bit, with high cheekbones and a narrow jaw, not carrying too much extra weight, although the jacket of her uniform is pretty nicely filled out.

The male pilot immediately spots our little camera crew and points us out to the female, who nods, confirming that she’d already spotted us, then walks confidently in our direction.

We cut to a shot of her in close-up, addressing us in a clear, professional tone, straight-faced and confident. “My name is Yvette Nolan, I’m 59 years old, and I’m from Belfast.” She allows herself a little smile as she adds, “Today we’ll be cruising under a dog, enjoying a one-way journey to the United Kingdom of Zoo ... I hope it’s a bumpy ride!”

Dennis interrupts, leaning infront of the camera and commenting, “That’s a better intro than mine ... I wish I’d thought of that!” And chuckling.

Then we’re back to Yvette, now sitting back on a couch in a comfortable airport hotel room. She’s still wearing most of her uniform, but the jacket is off, and her blouse is half-unbuttoned, semi-open, showing off a large slice of wide cleavage and the edge of one cup of her bra. Her hair is now hanging loose over her shoulders, light brown (bordering on dirty blonde).

She tells her story with a gin and tonic in her hand – and spends as much time waving the glass around as actually drinking from it (and never spills a drop). Everything is said in that universal professional pilot’s voice, smooth and relaxed even as she discusses her sexual fantasies whilst half drunk.

“I’ve been flying for over 30 years, and I’ve never given myself time for anything other than superficial relationships. I was married once, but that didn’t last ... So it’s been casual sex in hotel rooms with another pilot, or a flight attendant – when I could find a straight one!”

She continues, “I’ve flown all around the world, everywhere you can think of, and I’ve seen a lot of things ... I always used to ask the local air-crew to show me the wildest night out in town, and the three that always stick out are two day stays in Thailand, Mexico and Germany ... And the reason they stick our are...” She waves the glass in her right hand, over the fingers of her left – counting the occasions off... “Thailand, little lady getting fucked by a dog in a nightclub ... Mexico, old slapper getting fucked by a horse in a stable ... Germany, two girls taking turns with dogs in a bar...”

She pauses to take a drink, then continues, “The depravity of it always stuck in my mind – and I would have tried it if I had the chance, but we always had to leave town the next day ... I’ve thought about getting my own dog, but I’m never home and it wouldn’t be fair to the little fella ... But now I’m getting close to retirement age, and I’m going to be home a lot ... So, I’m looking for something to keep my busy – and I can’t imagine anything more interesting than having a few dogs to entertain me!” She holds her hands up as if she’s made a definitive statement.

“But...” She pauses to take another drink. “My problem is – I’ve watched it being done live ... I’ve watched in on videos ... But I’ve never tried it. So I know it looks like fun, but I don’t actually know if I’ll enjoy it ... And if I got a couple of dogs, then found out I didn’t like it – well, then I’d have a couple of dogs to look after – and nothing personal against dogs, but if I’m not enjoying sex with them, I don’t know why I’d want to own them...”

We hear Dennis, from off camera, “Well, I’m sure Casanova will convince you that dog ownership is a worthwhile endeavor!”

Yvette looks over at the dog, all but licking her lips in anticipation, and nodding as she says, “Oh, I’m certainly hoping he will!”

We cut to a shot of her getting up from the couch, moving to unbutton the rest of her blouse, then looking up at our camera as she remembers the last direction she was given. She steps toward the camera, a half-smile across her face, steps toward us, reaching out and clapping her hands ... And when they part, she is naked with her hands in the air as if she’s celebrating her nudity.

Her body is loose, but not bad for a lady approaching 60. Pilots need to stay healthy, and she certainly has. Slim but soft. Her boobs big enough to be interesting, but not so heavy as to sag too low. Legs and arms in decent condition – though beginning to get that tired hang-off-the-bone look older women get. Her pussy is neatly-styled – appropriately enough looking like a landing strip running three inches up from her cunt.

“Lady’s and gentlemen...” Begins Dennis, from off camera. “Fasten your seatbelts and return your seat back and folding tray to their full upright position – the captain is preparing for take-off...”

“Am I ever...” Notes Yvette as backs off to the couch and sits down again ... Waiting...

Dennis releases Casanova and the big Doberman bounds across the room, into view of our cameras, and jumps up onto the couch beside our Irish pilot.

Yvette puts her arm around the dog, welcoming and calming him at the same time... “Hello there...” and he leans up against her. She strokes his shiny black hair, reaching around inside his knee to stroke his belly. She’s trying to maintain her captain’s sense of cool, but constantly looking sideways at him with a touch of awe in her eyes. She clearly can’t wait to get started.

The big dog shifts around a little, his head rubbing against one of her boobs – his tongue flapping out and brushing over her nipple, making her shudder a little.

“Now,” warns Dennis, “Just remember to be careful - he really is a very physical lover ... So ... I just have to make sure you’re ready for that...”

Yvette smiles and nods, clearly looking forward to it. “You’d be surprised how ‘physical’ I like it, darlin’.”

“Well, if that’s the case I’ll just shut up and leave the two of you to it ... Take it away, Yvette...”

Yvette smiles and takes a deep breath, shuffling forward on the cushion and pushing Casanova back along to the next one. She rolls over, pulling her knees up onto the seat, leaning forward, elbows against the arm of the couch. Her knees are fairly close together, her tits hanging down, soft and pale, and she’s leaning back from her knees to present her soft rear end to the dog...

“Come on then, boy...” She calls back over her shoulder. “Let me see what I’ve been missin’!”

The big Doberman jumps up to his feet and starts to move around behind her, moving closer, trying to balance with the spongy cushions under his paws. Edging up to her, between her calves, his nose between her thighs – sniffing and licking, then then quickly moving from explore mode, to fuck mode ... No foreplay today ... He rises up and mounts her, his strong front legs wrapping around her, dew claws scraping down the side of her ribs.

Her boobs wobble as he takes up position, balancing on her back, unable to keep his hindlegs steady, hopping from one to the other on the soft surface, his whole-body rocking, and in turn making the lady wobble too, especially those soft tits hers – dangling forward and jiggling every time she moves.

She’s working hard to rest her weight forward on her arms, making sure the dog doesn’t tip her sideways off the couch as he moves around looking for the right position and angle ... Stable or not, he doesn’t care, or understand, about their safety ... He starts to jab his sheath at her pussy ... The little pink tip already showing ... Ready to go...

She drops her forearm to the arm of the couch and balances all of her weight on that one, and reaches back between her thighs with the other. Fingers stretching out to try and guide the beast’s cock into her hole...

We can’t quite see what’s going on – her legs and the dog blocking our view – but we know the second she manages to steer him home because she lets out the loudest, “FUCK!” of surprise/shock and her head rises up, eyes wide, as the dog lurches forward...

Then she drops her head to her forearm as the dog goes crazy on her – pounding at high speed into her tired old cunt.

We can’t see her face, but we can still hear her voice, loud and clear... “Oh – my – fucking – Christ!” She gasps – her words split by the shaking action of the dog’s thrusts.

“Looks like we’re in for a bumpy ride!” Jokes Dennis as his dog continues to shuffle around behind the bitch even as he fucks her.

She gasps and swears at the high-speed pounding – her body jiggling and jerking under the beast ... He holds onto her hips, pulling himself as close as possible, digging his front paws into her thighs as his hindpaws dance on the soft cushions, pulling her around under him, making her whole body swing from side to side.

We cut to the rear angle, a camera reached in under her body and between her legs – looking up – its little built-in lamp illuminating the action. Cock slipping in and out of her sloppy old cunt. Wet and squelching with every stroke.

We cut back to the wide angle – and watch as the dog suddenly slows down, tries to adjust his position and then topples off the side of the old slut – having to jump off the couch in a hurry to avoid falling – but leaving her safe on her knees...

Yvette looks up from her arm, turning her head toward us to watch the dog stumbling away. “That better not be it!”

That’s not it ... Because we immediately cut to another image of Yvette, now on the floor, but with one of the couch cushions under her knees ... Arse in the air, leaning forward on the couch where the cushion was, her arms out infront of her – and Casanova up behind her again, being helped into position by Dennis (who also helps to re-direct the beast’s cock back into her cunt), joking “Throttle up...”

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“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

2 years ago
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  • 15
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e8 Rosie

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e9 Shelly

Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...

4 years ago
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  • 19
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

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