The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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Series 3, Episode 9: Fiona
We’re outside a modern looking, grey structure. All concrete, metal and glass. It’s mostly 4 storeys high, but a central tower stretches up three times that high. A sign outside reads, “UCH – University College Hospital”.
Some apparently stolen footage – hidden camera style – from within the hospital. Busy, busy, busy. Doctors, nurses, orderlies, patients. In the midst of all the chaos, a thing of beauty. Tall and slim, her uniform indicating that she is a medical student in her last year. That uniform isn’t overly flattering, but we can still tell that she’s in great shape...
She approaches camera. She has an athlete’s body, a mess of frizzy black hair and flesh the colour of milk chocolate. Her white toothed smile is so bright and wide that it can probably be seen from space! She flashes that bright smile and gives us a little wave, then gets back to business.
Cut to outside the hospital. In a small bit of parkland, with a row of red double-decker London buses parked on one side and the busy busy Euston Road on the other. We’re met up with our young doctor again, this time somewhere we’re allowed to film and she’s free to talk.
Off duty - she’s wearing tight blue jeans and loose red sweater that’s loose enough to tempt any man to risk looking down the front rather than making eye contact. Inside, her boobs are firm and round, held in place by a white bra, with hard cleavage that begs to be touched just to see how firm it is ... It looks very firm!
She composes herself for a second, then looks square into the camera lens and speaks with a light and friendly accent, broken English with an African edge, full of fun, very polite. “I’m Fiona Akatugba. I’m 27 years old. I come from Lagos in Nigeria, but I’m currently at university here in London in my last year of medicine. And ... I’m here to talk about my fantasy of having sex with a dog.” She hides her face, partly in shame, and partly to cover up a giggle.
If your family or fellow students knew why you are here today, how do you think they would react?
Fiona giggles again, flashing those bright white teeth, “I don’t think they would be too impressed with me. They all think I’m a nice girl.”
You DO seem to be a nice girl ... Where does this fantasy of yours come from?
She smiles again. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to do it. Ever since I was a little girl, if I saw a dog in the street or on tv, I got tingles ‘down there’. I never got excited by pop stars or actors or footballers, I didn’t really like the boys at school much. I had a few boyfriends and I have fun with them, but I always end up thinking about dogs before I ‘finish’.”
You’ve obviously thought about it a lot, so what is the actual fantasy?
“I’ve got so many of them, but they’re all the same thing really. Just me, on my knees, bent over with a big dog on my back, really giving me a good hard pounding! And I’m helpless to stop it ... In the fantasy I always want them to stop, but ... You know...”
Is there any particular dog you think about?
“Not really. Whatever kind of dog I’ve seen that day. So long as it is a big dog. A German Shepherd, or a Labrador, or an Alsatian, or whatever.” We don’t bother to tell her that German Shepherds and Alsatians are the same thing.
So, have you ever got close to actually having sex with a dog before?
“No ... I have never even touched one, not like that, anyway. I think about it all the time. Stroking one, then going under his belly and stroking his big cock...” She pauses, lost in the thought for a second, then snaps out of it. “But I’ve never done it.”
Does anyone else know about this fantasy?
She thinks again, then smirks a little. “Erm ... I told a priest once. I told him in confession that I had fantasies about having sex with dogs. He asked me loads of questions. I think he was playing with himself. I liked that.”
So if I offered you the chance to have sex with a dog. Right now ... What would you say?
She purses her thick lips and looks around, then flashes that white smile at me again. “If it’s a big dog, I’d say yes.” And that semi-nervous, semi-excited giggle again.
Cut to the street outside ... Walking toward us in slow motion – it’s that little fat Cockney guy, Dennis and his scary black Doberman Casanova.
Dennis is fat and smiling; Casanova is sleek and snarling. The near perfect example of meanness in physical form. A Doberman Pincher to show the world. Sleek and powerful, 70 lbs of pure muscle beneath a short black shiny coat.
Dennis raises his voice, speaking with a confidence that has grown from show to show... “The ‘ound of ‘ell, the beast from the east end ... He’s a lover not a fighter ... A licker not a biter ... He’s a rock ‘ard, go ‘ard, take you in the back yard, mean muvva-fucker ... All the way from East ‘am ... I give you...” He puts his head down next to Casanova’s. Fat white face next to sleek black. “Casanova the Fird.” The dog licks his owner on the face, cracking Dennis up. “I luv you too, boy. I luv you too!”
Back to the staff room at The Fun House ... Tara reacting with a look that is equal parts joys and fear as the scary Doberman enters the room, his feet skidding on the tiled floor as he sees the woman waiting for him.
Back to Fiona in her tiny little flat. It’s barely more than a single room, and judging from the window we’re almost below ground level. An old building that’s been converted into flats – or a sharehouse.
Fiona is standing in the middle of the room, with our cameras already set up giving different views of her. At the moment that means a hand-held frontal shot, a side angle, and a shot looking right up at her very neat bottom. She’s still fully dressed, but off-duty her clothes are tight enough to let us know exactly what Casanova is in for – and it looks good!
It’s time to get ready for your scene now...
Fiona smiles, blinding white teeth between her dark lips. She begins to undress, shirt over her head, heaving against that pile of frizzy hair. She’s wearing a bra-vest underneath, tight against her firm round boobs but providing virtually no support, which is fine as none is required. She unfastens her belt, then unbuttons her jeans, wriggles them down her thighs and down off her feet.
Her legs are very slim, but beautifully toned. An athlete’s legs. Her panties are tight around her big firm buttocks. Flat belly, almost a six-pack, and those big boobs straining against the bra-vest. “Would you like me to take this off?” She says, pointing at her top.
We’d like you to take everything off.
She peels the bra-vest up over her head, pulling it over the mass of hair. Then, without dropping the top, she takes the hips of her panties and pulls them down to the floor, barely bending at the knees. Steps out of them and leaves them in the same hand. She stands there with her underwear in her hand, her completely hairless pussy exposed and her near perfect breasts out in the open, and she smiles to the camera. A big, wide smile, white teeth against beautiful dark brown flesh. A keen to please smile.
There’s a knock on the door behind us and Fiona, without really thinking about it, steps by our cameraman to open the door, exposing herself fully to whoever is outside. Luckily for her, and especially for us, it’s Dennis and Casanova. We can’t see Fiona’s face as she’s gone beyond us, but we hear her reaction.
“Oh my Lord, he’s a beautiful dog!”
And she’s crouching down infront of him. The door still wide open to the hallway beyond. She’s making a fuss of the mean looking beast, telling him what a “handsome beast” he is, and how much she is “looking forward to having some good times” with him. As she fusses, one of her neighbours passes by outside, looking in just long enough to see the camera crew behind the naked African chick and the Doberman ... He smiles broadly enough for us to know that he knows what’s going on ... We suspect he’ll be tuning in to this broadcast!
Dennis eases in behind Casanova and the door is shut behind them, locking out any more onlookers.
We cut to a shot of Fiona standing full frontal to the camera, with Casanova straining to get at her form the edge of frame – Dennis is just out of shot, holding the dog’s chain but also pushing his arse to encourage him to try and get to the black beauty.
Fiona’s sleek, smooth, dark chocolate brown flesh, her round gravity defying boobs, and her incredible afro, all look sensational. Anyone who likes dark women will love this episode. Anyone who loves fit women too. Racists – they’ll probably enjoy seeing what happens to her too. Everyone wins this week!
So, the moment is here ... In less than a minute, you should have a big scary doggy on you and in you ... How do you feel?
“I feel very very horny.” She says with a huge smile. “I’ve dreamt of this moment for a long time. All the way back in Africa I used to think about it. I heard of places men could go to fuck goats, but I never knew a place a woman could go to fuck a dog ... Not until now...”
What do you think of Casanova here?
“He’s a very very sexy dog ... I want him in me ... Right now!!” She smiles, white teeth against almost black flesh.
Dennis gives her instructions, “Get daan on your hands and knees and wiggle your bum, Casanova should know what to do.” He advises that, “He’s a brutal little sex machine – so once he starts, you just grab hold of something and enjoy the ride, okay my darlin’?”
She nods as she gets down to her knees, then leans forward onto her hands, facing the dog – who is still on his chain and making Dennis fight to maintain control.
She’s getting quite excited about this, really looking forward to it ... She crawls around in a circle until she is facing away from him, her pussy and arse presented as a target for him ... Her nipples are rock hard on her firm boobs. Her pussy glistening. She clearly ready to ride...
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Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...
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We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...
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We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...
Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
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We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......