The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the south of England, toward the massive urban sprawl that is London ... Reaching ground level in just a few seconds.
From here we race through animated streets, passing traditional London Black Cabs and red Double Decker buses until we hit a wide street of three-story buildings – shopfronts downstairs, apartments up above. We mix through from the animation to live action as we approach a branch of BOOTS Pharmacy ... Heading inside the store and up to a counter where a friendly brunette with far too much make-up, meets us with a friendly smile. Red lips and white teeth, and despite the customers who are present, delivers our standard opening... “Hello, and welcome to The United Kingdom of Zoo!”
We cut to a montage of her at home, playing with her young children, reading a copy of the Book Book of Dogs with her youngest (a 2 year old girl, Donna), pointing at pictures of the biggest dogs, laughing when the child ‘woofs’. This is intercut with clips of her at work at the shop, helping people out with their make-up selections, and being interviewed in close-up, etc.
With her rounded features and big white smile, she’s attractive without being stunning – and she’s relatively slim, without being a gym-junkie, there’s a few curves where they need to be, and enough cleavage to make a low-cut top worthwhile.
She monologues her story over the top of these clips.
“My name is Cate Morado, I’m a 36-year-old mother of two very busy kiddies...”
“I’ve got a pretty easy life really ... My husband, Peter, is lovely, and he provides for us all, I look after the kids, and I work a couple of afternoons a week at Boots, just to get out of the house and see some different faces when the kids are at daycare.”
“Peter is very busy ... Which means I spend a lot of time at home, alone, with my little ones, and whilst I love them to bits, life can be a little unfulfilling ... I do get downtime, when they are napping, or if something good comes on CBBC ... Whenever I have a few minutes to myself, I find myself getting out the iPad and heading to the UK of Zoo App. I watch the shows, and to be honest I usually just skip right to the sex scene ... I’m not bothered about who the lady is or why she wants to do it – I just want to see the action...”
“I don’t remember when I first became attracted to dogs ... I always liked them, but there was nothing sexual about it. My parents had a big yellow Labrador that used to try and hump everyone’s legs – and if I’d been even a little bit curious back then I’m sure I would have got on the floor and offered him my pussy ... But I never did, so it mustn’t have even occurred to me at the time...”
“These days I find myself very turned on by the idea of having sex with a dog ... And it has to be on your show ... I want the other housewives watching me, and getting as jealous as I get when I see other women on the show!”
“My husband knows all about this ... I don’t think he was too impressed, but he’s always said I should do whatever I want, just so long as the kids are looked after and I’m not in any danger ... So here I am ... Ready for my dogsex, Charley!!”
Cut to our studios in Manchester ... At the moment it’s an empty double bed, with white sheets being straightened and tucked in by one of our crew whilst lights and cameras are being set up by others. There’s no sign of this week’s “featured players”.
We cut to the street outside and see a sensible family car pulling up and turning into our car park, then pulling to a halt in the guest space next to the entrance to the studio.
Cate gets out of the driver’s side, looking just a little bit flustered. A figure hugging knee length skirt and a tight sweater remind us that she’s not the slimmest lady we’ve ever had, but she’s no fatty. She goes to the back door – opens it, and retrieves her little daughter, who is asleep and flops onto her shoulder as soon as she straightens up. Mum carries her into the studio.
Inside, she is guided down from reception to Ozvik’s office by our receptionist Riley, and little Donna is laid out on the couch in there with Riley staying to watch over her, confirming that she’s “Gooooorgeous”. Cate hands her bag over to the receptionist and notes that if Donna wakes up, she should just give her her juice and her iPad and she’ll be fine. After watching her snooze for a few more seconds, Cate stands, takes a deep breath, smiles to camera, and heads back out into the corridor, coming up infront of our hostess, Charley, in the flesh (and plenty of flesh too – with her fake tits fighting to get out of a low cut and tight dress.
Charley introduces herself, almost like an animatronic at Disney, the same words and movements as every week. “Hi there, I’m Charley Ozvik – and you must be Catie...” She says, leaning forward to air-kiss each of Cate’s cheeks. Cate doesn’t correct her about her name being Cate rather than Catie.
Charley continues, nodding toward Ozvik’s office door, “I see you’ve brought your little one along today ... Do you think this is a suitable place for her?” It’s a very friendly question rather than anything stern.
“I couldn’t put her in daycare, because I couldn’t be sure I’d be back in time, my mum couldn’t look after her, so I had to bring her ... She’ll be quiet – she always sleeps after a long car ride ... My boy is having a sleep-over at his best friend...” Cate answers with a smile. We note that she is putting her shoulders back and pushing her chest out as best she can, trying to compete with Charley’s mounds. Failing.
“I know a young lady who walked in on her mother with a dog when she was young, and has been obsessed with dogsex for the rest of her life.” Jokes Charley. “Perhaps your little one will be back here one day...” It’s a wicked comment designed to un-nerve her guest.
“That’s ... That’s her decision to make ... If she finds out about me...” Replies Cate with a little shake in her voice.
“And your husband?” Checks Charley. “Is he not with you today?”
“He’s away on business ... Germany this week.” Cate confirms. “He knows what’s going on though – just texted me to wish me good luck!”
Charley nods, “It’s good to have some support ... It’s a good man that trusts his woman with something like this ... Who knows, when you’ve experienced this, he may never get another look in...”
Cate doesn’t argue, just smiles and drops her head a little with embarrassment.
Charley points at the door to the set and asks her standard question again, “So Catie, when you step through the door there ... You’ll be entering a new world ... And when you leave that room nothing will ever be the same again ... Are you ready to become a citizen of the United Kingdom of Zoo?”
Cate nods and smiles. “Yes. Yes I am.”
Charley says nothing, just flashes a knowing smile, reaches out and pulls the door open to wave Cate through...
Cate walks onto our little bedroom set, and looks a little surprised by the number of cameras, microphones and lights that are pointed at the bed. “Wow ... It doesn’t look this ‘busy’ on the videos...” She exclaims.
Standing on the set, in the middle of all these cameras, being shot for half a dozen angles, she begins to unzip her skirt and wriggles in off to reveal black elasticated hold-up stockings wrapped around chunky ‘mum’ thighs, a wide front black g-string covering her pussy.
As she is stripping, Charley asks her if she has any dogs she prefers.
Cate thinks for a moment as she put the skirt on the foot of the bed, then answers as she takes hold of the bottom of her tight sweater...
“I was a big fan of Rocky right from the early days, but he’s ‘retired’ now...”
She pauses her answer as she peels her top up and over her head, revealing a figure hugging black basque. It’s hard sided and looks like it may well be concealing a bit of weight around her middle. She shakes her brunette hair back into place as she throws her sweater to the side as she finishes her answer.
“But I like them all really ... I’m not fussy. A big dog to give a good hard screw ... I’ll be happy with that.”
She unbuttons the front of her basque as she speaks – with each button the top pops a little wider, showing off a little more boob, until the whole thing falls off and her 34B boobs pop out. They are a nice shape but show signs of her having breastfed two children.
“Does size matter then?” Charley asks.
Cates cocks her head to one side as she bends forward to slip her g-string down her thighs to her knees, showing off a pussy that’s been trimmed down to little more than stubble, and then she steps out of them, before tossing them back onto the bed too. “Well, size always matters, don’t it?” She chuckles. “But as long as he’s not ‘little’, I don’t mind...”
She finishes what she’s saying and stands there naked, except for her stocking and heels, and surrounded by cameras. Flicking her hair back over her shoulder again and smiling for the cameras. As usual, we leave our guest exposed for a couple of seconds longer than she may be comfortable with, and then...
The studio door cranks noisily open, daylight flooding the dark set from outside and silhouetting this weeks dog of choice ... He strides forward, heaving his handler behind him ... Taking a few steps before we recognise his bulk and broad-chest, and are able to identify him as the massive and cuddly looking St Bernard, Goliath. Our regular fans know that this means the lovely Cate is in for a serious, slow and powerful pounding.
Cate’s obviously seen the big guy in action too, because she’s bending forward with her hands on her thighs, a huge smile and a gasp of shock. “Oh nooo...” Then a laugh. “Not him ... He’s a monster!!” And she laughs some more.
The handler is almost unable to control him as he lurches toward our guest – and he seems relieved when he’s told he can release the beast...
Goliath doesn’t run, or speed up even, but it only takes him a few steps to get to Cate, where he rears up and lands his huge paws on her wide shoulders. Up like this he’s as tall as she is. He’s a big boy, and we’re now seeing just how short she is. Maybe 5’3” at most, with her 3-inch heels. Far from pulling away from him, she greets the dog with a warm hug, pulling him close to her, letting his long hair press up against her boobs. Her head comes to the side of his, looking around his neck and over his back at us and smiling.
“Hallo boy.” She says with a lot of fun in her voice. “I’ve been waitin’ for this for a long time ... You ‘ave no idea...”
She scratches her fingers up and down his hairy spine and he arches his back, clearly loving the attention.
“How excited are you?” Checks Charley.
Cate doesn’t stop hugging and scratching the giant animal whilst she ponders her answer. “I dunno ... Pretty excited ... About ... Eight inches excited...” She laughs at her own comment.
“More like ten...” Corrects Charley. “Plus the knot.”
Cate stops scratching Goliath for a second, her eyes opening wider – then smiles broadly, “Well, now I’m really bloody excited!!”
She goes back to scratching him, then looks off behind camera and asks, “Actually, can we get to it – I want to see this ten inches PLUS knot!”
We cut to a little later – Cate is down on her knees on the floor, leaning forward onto her hands, still laughing at what she’s doing. “This is ridiculous...” Laughing, “I’ve waited my whole adult life for this...” Laughs again, “I can’t believe it’s actually gonna happen...”
Goliath is standing off to the side, watching and waiting. He doesn’t look like he’s in a hurry – he knows he’s getting this bitch, he can wait.
She’s ready – arse in the air and round boobs brushing the floor. Her back is angled so that he pussy is pushed back between her thighs. We get a nice close-up of it – meaty and clean. It looks very inviting.
Goliath is given a signal and he slowly gets to his feet and pads back to Cate. Licking his chops as he goes – his tongue making a loud smacking noise as it returns to his mouth. The sound alone seems to make Cate’s smile even broader.
And then his tongue is between her butt-cheeks ... Licking the crack, over the arsehole ... Cate immediately letting out a yelp of joy.
Laughing as she calls for him to, “Just fuck me for fuck’s sake ... I can’t wait...”
He licks for a couple more seconds, then takes her hint and steps up over her. She raises her arse again under his belly, almost twerking under him as she tries to bring her pussy to the right level... “Come on, boy ... Come on...”
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As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
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Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...
Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...