The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)s5e20: Monika Matysik (23) Martyna Matysik (24) free porn video

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Series 5, Episode 20: Monika (23) and Martyna Matysik (24) sisters from Walsall, originally Poznan.

We open on an ultra-long-shot ... Our animated image going a step further back to show the whole of the planet ... And then an over-the-top burst of Rule Britannia sounding out over the top as the Earth turns and the United Kingdom comes into focus below us ... Then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, with the music playing all the way down ... Heading toward the middle of the country ... To the west of the middle ... Toward the industrial heartland, toward Birmingham, then South to a smaller town ... Reaching ground level in the middle of a residential street in just a few second seconds.

We are facing a nice suburban semi-detached house. There’s no one around. The front door opens and there’s a bleach blonde cutie standing infront of us, leaning seductively against the doorframe. She’s dressed casually but sexually, wearing a crop top t-shirt and ripped-jeans that highlight what appears to be a slim and sexy shape.

As we roll up the driveway toward her, another, almost identical girl appears in the doorway, dressed the same way who leans against the other side of the doorframe.

They are both attractive, slim, young - they could pass for sisters...

The front girl speaks first ... Her accent, black country midlands with a strong edge of Eastern Europe coming through, and very confident. “Hello, and welcome to the last episode of this year’s United Kingdom of Zoo...”

The second girl speaks in a similar tone and accent, “My name is Monika Matysik...”

Back to the first girl, “And I’m Martyna Matysik...”

Then together, as they point at each other, “And my sister is obsessed with bestiality!” They both laugh and we cut away to...

The Matysik sisters, sitting side-by-side on a couch in the living room of the house. They tell us their story, taking turns. Watching these two good looking young women chatting quite casually in this relaxed setting, it’s hard to imagine a concept quite as sexy as the two of them having sex with animals!

First up it’s the older sister, “Hello, I’m Monika, I’m 24 years old, and I live in Walsall in the middle of United Kingdom.”

Then the younger sister, “Hello, I’m Martyna, I’m 23, and I too live in Walsall...”

Their accents are close enough that over the next few moments we can’t really tell which one of them is saying what, whilst we watch a series of pictures of them at different ages, illustrating the things they are discussing – where they are from, their parents, the two of them dressed the same – as toddlers, as schoolgirls, as teenagers, as party-girls, hanging out with boyfriends, posing provocatively together on nightclub dancefloors...

“We were born and raised in Poland until I was about 10 ... Then we came to England so father could find better work. My father is a builder, my mother was – a hostess...”

“When we were little we were just normal sisters ... We play together but we have many friends ... When we first came to England we had no friends so we only had each other...”

“When we discover sex, we discover it together ... We share boys ... They were very happy...”

“We would double-date, and then all go to bed together, we would both have both boys...”

Our director asks, “How old were you when this was happening?”

They look at each other, then confirm, “14 and 15 ... Then all the time since that...”

Our director asks again, “And do the two of you ... Share each other... ?”

They giggle and look at each other again. Martyna answers for them both, “We kiss ... Nothing more than that ... Like sisters kissing, maybe a little bit more than that...”

“You like to play with my boobies too...” Monika adds. Martyna nods, then cheekily reaches over to grope/pinch her sister’s nipple through her t-shirt. “They’re so cute!”

They are indeed very cute – pert, not too big, and even through the t-shirt we can tell the the nipples are long and hard. The tone of the grope is humorous and playful rather than sexual, sister’s fooling around, but Monika appears to be turned-on anyway.

The director invites them to “Tell us about your interest in dogs...”

Monika goes first this time, speaking before her younger sister can get a word in. “I like it a little bit kinky ... And I always thought sex with an animal is very very kinky. I don’t know where I got the idea from but I always liked it ... It excites me because it’s so wrong ... I think that’s the biggest turn on.”

Martyna nods, “Yeah – I think the same thing. It always made me really ashamed. Guilty that I like it.”

“Do you talk about it together?” Asks the director.

Monika answers, “Nooo ... That’s the thing, you see ... We never talk about it. Ever. I didn’t know she liked it. Is only when I apply for the show that I tell her and...

Martyna speaks over her, a big smile on her face. “I told her ‘I can’t believe we didn’t know this about each other ... We share everything ... But I was too scared to tell her, and she was too scared to tell me...”

“Do you think about it often?” We check.

Monika first, “Yes ... I think about it every time I masturbate...”

Martyna, “I think about it when we masturbate...” She corrects herself, “When I masturbate too...”

“What do you think about?”

Martyna first this time, “Letting the dog fuck me ... Or sometimes sucking his cock...”

Then Monika, “I think about sex with dogs – and sometimes with horses ... Because, you know, size matters...” She laughs.

Martyna looks incredulous. “I think about horses too ... I want to suck one!”

They exchange glances – as if even more shocked that they share an interest in horses...

A second later, the two of them looking into camera.

“What are you looking for from this experience?”

Monika: “I want to lose my bestial virginity ... And I want to hold my little sister’s hand when she loses hers...”

Martyna: “Yeah ... I just want to do something really, really perverted ... The more perverted the better ... I want it to almost give me a heart-attack...” She giggles.

We fade out.

We cut to our studios in Manchester ... The corner of our set is made up to look a bedroom – almost. The double bed that has sat there throughout the series and hosted numerous doggy-fucks is now stripped bare, with stains on the mattress from our previous guest’s experiences.

Likewise, the lights, cameras, microphones, etc., are all there, but none appears to be facing the bed – rather they are facing a large open, bare concrete portion of the studio floor. It actually looks like someone forgot to set things up this week.

We move through this section of the room with a hand-held camera, and out through a large roller door to the lane-way outside just as a taxi pulls up and drops off our two young Poles. Monika gets out first – dressed in cute little summer dress that is almost falling off her slim body, it doesn’t look like there’s a bra underneath. Then Martyna scoots over the back-seat and gets out of the same side of the taxi. She too is wearing a barely there summer dress. She takes her sister’s arm and the two of them approach toward the camera, big smiles on their faces – but we’re all more interested in their slim little bodies and just how much of them we can see through those sheer dresses.

They arrive at the loading dock and climb the small metal staircase that brings them up to studio level so that they can enter the set. As they climb we note their stack heel knee length hooker boots, not the best to be climbing a metal staircase – but very sexy all the same.

As they step through the roller door they are met by the legendary Charley Ozvik – Queen of Dogsex ... She’s wearing one of her tightest t-shirts, with the words “Professional Dogucker” stamped on it (we sell these on our website). The tightness of the shirt, and the thin but stretchy material highlights her bolt-on fake boobs, and is cut low enough at the front to show off a good chunk of her “WORLD’S BIGGEST DOGWHORE” chest tattoo. Her mini-skirt, little more than a thick belt, barely covers her crotch, and her slim, toned legs stretch down to high heeled knee length boots. She looks like a tart today – more than usual.

“Hello there girls, I’m Charley Ozvik ... And welcome to the 100th episode of the United Kingdom of Zoo!”

Martyna and Monika pull closer together, arms locking firmly as they smile. They’re excited to be here.

“Before we continue...” Begins Charley, “I have to confess that today represents one of my all-time greatest fantasies ... Sisters ... Sharing their first bestial experience! And me within touching distance...” Before either sister can react to the comment, Charley reaches out with both hands and cheekily tweaks each girl on a boob.

They look mildly shocked, but not offended. Martyna raises her hand as if she’s going to go for Charley’s boob, then pulls back – but Charley spots it and is highly amused... “No no no ... If you want to, it’s only fair – a touch for a touch...” She giggles. Putting her hands behind her back and sticking her fake chest out.

Martyna AND Monika both reach out and touch a boob each, Martyna going a little further and pinching the nipple. They hold there for a second, then Charley breaks the mood...

“Well then ladies ... Where do we begin... ? Two lovely ladies with a desire for dogs ... Do you have any preferences?”

Monika allows Martyna to speak first, “I don’t know – just one with a big cock...” She smirks. “The bigger the better ... I want my pussy and my mouth to be full...”

Then Monika’s answer, “I’d like to watch my little sister go first – then whatever she does, I want to do more...” She laughs. Martyna looks annoyed and aroused at the same time.

Charley smiles as she delivers the final line of her intro. “Well, if you two lovely ladies would like to undress yourselves ... Or perhaps undress each other ... We can send you to The United Kingdom of Zoo...”

We cut to a few seconds later, Charley out of the way, lights and cameras lined up as the Polish sisters face each other, a couple of feet apart.

“You first...” Says Monika as she reaches out toward her sister. They both giggle as she gently brushes the shoulder strings of Martyna’s summer dress off her sharp shoulders.

The dress falls slowly under its own weight – only stopping when it gets hooked up on her small boobs, the pointed nipples acting as hooks to stop it falling any further ... This makes her giggle again, then she gives her shoulders a cute little shake and the dress ‘unhooks’ itself and falls off her – falling down her slim body, over her narrow hips and thin thighs all the way to the floor.

She’s left wearing just the briefest pair of white panties and those hooker boots. Her body is almost too thin – ribs sticking out a little, belly flat, boobs pert, nipples erect. Not a curvy girl – but a very agreeable sight.

“Now my turn...” Says Monika, holding her hands up in the air...

Martyna gets the hint, steps forward and bends down a little to take the hem of the skirt, then lift it up, taking the whole dress up and over her big sisters head, pulling her hair up a little before the dress slides up her arms and off. Again – a slim, pale body is exposed – white bikini-brief panties, a flat belly, firm young boobs...

They stand side-by-side in their boots and panties. Their near naked bodies so striking. It’s almost like someone has put a mirror infront of a pretty but skinny blonde, and she’s looking at herself ... Only the smallest differences between them – Monika’s hair is a little wavy, Martyna’s smile a little wider – but their bodies are virtually identical.

After a few seconds of posing – showing us how good they look together, the pair receive a signal from off-camera and take hold of their panties, then slip them down their slim legs and step out of them.

Monika’s pussy is clean shaven, whilst Martyna’s has just a little blonde pussy fuzz. Now they are truly exposed, and still quite relaxed to the point of exchanging little smiles, and giggles.

Charley asks (from off camera), “Are you excited?”

Monika nods and smiles, Martyna holds up finger and thumb, an inch apart. “Little bit.” She says, but her smirk suggests she’s understating her feelings.

“Is there any particular dog you guys are hoping for?” Checks our hostess.

The girls look at each other, seeing who wants to answer first ... This time it’s Martyna, “Maybe Dino, the biggest cock you can find ... But I was hope we would have one dog each ... I want plenty of cock to play with!”

Monika adds, “Yeah, I don’t care which dog, just as long as the cock is big ... I want to be filled up!”

The both smile again. Nerves visibly increasing as they stand and wait in the nude.

Bumping hips against each other, playfully. Then, as we hear the big doors begin to creak open, Monika takes her little sister’s hand and they wait – transfixed on the door behind our camera.

This week we don’t turn to face the doors – we keep looking at our guests, partly because they look so good side-by-side, but mainly because we want to see their reaction.

Two faces light up, huge surprised grins and saucer wide eyes, and both say “Oh my God!”

We hear a clip-clop sound, then finally cut to see the doorway, and the amazing sight of a large black stallion being walked onto the set by a stable-girl whose face has been digitized out for broadcast.

The girl leads the horse toward the sisters ... He’s a magnificent specimen, tall and powerful, with a beautiful shiny healthy coat. Obviously, we hover on his huge balls and a heavy leathery sheath swinging around under his belly as he walks. That clip clop sound echoing through the studio.

“Did you know about this?” Asks Martyna.

“No ... Did you?” Replies Monika, “I thought it was just going to be a dog!”

“Yeah, me too.”

They beam broad smiles at each other then turn back to watch the horse as it is brought closer, hands linking up – transmitting excitement through their grip. We hear one of them say, “He’s quite huge!” but can’t tell which one it is.

We cut to a wide angle and see the horse now tied up at one end of the studio. He has the beginnings of an erection – and for anyone who hasn’t previously seen a horse fully erect, it will already look pretty impressive.

His handler, her face still blurred out, introduces us.

“This is Champion ... He is an 11-year-old Stallion. He was a pretty good racehorse in his prime – winning 5 out of 19 races before we retired him to stud, and he’s since sired almost 200 foals. We charge ten thousand pounds for him to cover a mare, but these two lucky ladies – we’re giving them a free ride...”

We see the girls looking a little daunted, but still quite excited, then cut back to the handler, in close-up despite her face being blurred out. “Champion has had some experience with humans – we have a few friends who come to the stud for some ‘fun’, and of course my husband and I have always been into horses ‘that’ way, as well.”

We cut back to a wide angle – looking at the horse, looking magnificent and huge – and at the girls, naked and frail – as the owner finishes her opening statement. “The girls are in for a BIG surprise – and a LOT of fun ... I hope they’re ready for it!”

We cut to the girls, waiting hand-in-hand, as they are given a signal and they look at each other, then start to walk toward the huge animal. Monika places a hand on her younger sister’s shoulder and gently pushes her ahead. She confirms her earlier comment, “I want to see you go first...”

Martyna allows herself to be pushed ahead and approaches the horse – looking off camera to ask. “So ... I just start to play with it?”

Cut to Martyna next to the horse, nervously leaning under it, reaching out with one hand to touch, then to hold, the semi-erect cock. It’s already about eight inches, bending downward under its own weight, and as she takes hold of the shaft and begins to play with it, it still seems pretty soft. She looks back to her sister as she strokes it, “Come here and touch...”

Cut to a close up, shot from the other side of the horse, looking under his belly, as Monica stands next to her sister – both of them with their hands on his big cock ... Both stroking and gripping it.

“Can’t believe I have my hand on a horse’s cock...” Says Monika in an awed tone.

In fact, they both look a little awed by the size of it, and the simple fact that they are playing with it – on camera. Occasionally looking up and seeing the camera, flashing a smile then looking back at the shaft.

There are four hands reaching in, to touch, stroke and squeeze the long shaft – and it’s hard to see whose hand is where ... One of them starts to wank the shaft, the tip bouncing up and down as her hands move from then end to middle of the shaft, and then back. The horse shuffles a little, raising one rear hoof up into the air and then clopping it down loudly on the concrete floor of the set. The move makes both girls jump and skip backwards giggling ... But they soon return to fondling the huge cock...

The more they play with it, the longer it gets and the less it seems to flop and bend. The horse certainly appears to be affected by the attention – that hindleg lifting up occasionally and clopping on the floor – and each time he moves the girls back away, then return...

Then Monika suddenly leans further in under the horse’s belly, taking one hand off his big cock a stroke blonde hairs out of her face – bringing her mouth right up to the horse’s shaft. Pouting, pushing her lips forward to kiss the side of the cock ... Then flashing a little, white-toothed, open-mouthed smile...

She moves along the horse’s meat toward the tip, kissing it – poking her tongue out to run her tip along the side of it – until she reaches the big, ugly, abrupt flared end of the shaft. Gripping the tip, the flare just above her hand, she pushes her lips against the end, then opens her mouth and angles her head around in order to squeeze the big tip into her mouth. Her eyes widening as she pushes it inside. She only sucks for a few seconds before pulling it out and moving back from it. “My God ... I sucked it...” She smiles – looking like she feels she’s achieved something huge.

“You now...” She shoves her little sister.

Martyna doesn’t need any encouragement. Barely able to suppress her smile as she leans in toward the huge meat under the horse – opening her mouth, struggling to keep it open as she smiles and laughs a little, then wrapping it around the head of the shaft – forcing the flared end of the flesh between her lips. Holding the shaft firmly and pushing it toward her face.

She pushes as much of it into her mouth as she can ... Pushing her lips forward a little, almost like she’s trying to swallow it. Her hands both on the shaft, wanking it toward her mouth. We can hear her breath and she struggles to breath through her nose – her mouth completely stuffed with flesh.

The whole time Martyna is sucking on the horse – Monika is behind her, stroking the horse’s flank with one hand, her other resting on Martyna’s narrow back – and bending forward to try and see what her sister is doing.

“Yes ... Suck it ... Suck it nice...” She encourages, now reaches toward from the horse’s flank to stroke her sister’s hair back from her face to allow a better view of the huge cock in her mouth.

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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E15 Marnie Coburn 43 from Blackburn

We start this week’s show with a drone shot, flying over endless terraces streets of old homes. Black roofs, barely a solar panel in sight, narrow streets crowded with parked cars... Then we cut to ground level in one of those narrow streets, seeing the cars parked on the pavement on either side, giving just enough room for another car to squeeze through. Terraced two-story houses line either side of the street, behind small walls that protect about a meter of concrete rather than a...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e15 Kimberly

“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e18 Rachael

Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e16 Ava Marvaux 22

from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e19 Belinda

Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E06 Lucinda Glass 46 from Middlesbrough

We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e5 Julia Green 56

We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e20 Tina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e7 Siobhan

Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e10 Alison Latham

Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e8 Rosie

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e9 Shelly

Series 4, Episode 9: SHELLEY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town. Out of season and on a windy, cold and rainy day, the place is virtually...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

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