The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)S12: E15: Patrice Heslop (48) From Rutherglen free porn video

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We fade in on a residential suburb ... The sky is grey, and so are the buildings ... Semi-detached, two-story, pebble-dashed post-war homes, fronted by high hedgerows.

The wide street between them looks like it’s dual carriageway, but the sides of the street are entirely taken up with parked cars. There are even cars parked in the bus stop space – meaning that the bus passing through our shot has to stop in the middle of the road to let off passengers ... One of whom, a middle-aged, red-head, steps off somewhat self-consciously and walks between parked cars to the pavement – doing her best not to look up toward our camera ... Dressed conservatively, with a warm overcoat that can’t hide the fact that she’s a ‘curvy’ girl.

We follow her as she walks half a dozen houses along the street until we see our host, larger than life and twice as ugly, it’s the ever loyal West Ham supporter, and champion of bestiality breeding, Dennis Baxter – and alongside him, tugging on his leash, the young, handsome and sleek Doberman the ladies love ... Romeo.

As Patrice approaches Dennis and his dog, she can’t help but crack a broad, excited smile.

Dennis introduces himself to her, which also serves as his introduction to the viewers at home ... His accent harsh and gravelly.

“‘Ello there ... I’m Dennis Baxter, and this is my dog, Romeo ... We’re from ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’, and we’ve come here today – so my dog can fuck the shit out of you!”

Patrice lets out a giggle and then begins to turn toward her front door... “Well ... Why don’t you step inside...?”

We cut to inside the house – a neat and tidy home, with everything in its place.

Our aging, chunky guest has removed her coat and is in the process of hanging it on a hook in the hallway. She’s wearing a conservative dress, belted at the waist to try and make her look a little thinner (it’s not working – she’s not obese, but she’s a big girl). Stairs lead away to the upper level behind her. She looks right into the camera, still struggling to suppress her smile.

“I’m Patrice Heslop ... I’m 48 years old ... I’m from Rutherglen, in Scotland, and I’ve been married to Kenneth for twenty-five ... And I’m very happy that Dennis has brought his Doberman here to fuck me today – because I’ve wanted to do this for a long time!”

The hallway is too tight to get a decent shot of Dennis interviewing his guest, so we cut back and forward between the close up of her talking, and a wider shot from the end of the hall, in which we can see Dennis beyond her, dog at his feet, cameraman behind him, filming her close-up over his shoulder...

Patrice tells us her story whilst our host nods along to show he’s listening. Everything she says is tinged with an excited edge and she fights to suppress her smile throughout. “Ye might no believe me, but it’s always been ma fantasy to do this for ma husband ... He loves watching doggy sex videos ... And he’s always got me to watch them with him ... He loves me to wank him off whilst we watch ... I don’t mind them, they’re kinky and when the girls are into it, they’re a wee turn-on, but I love that he loves it ... And I love that he loves it more when I watch with him ... And I love to make him cum at just the right moment ... He says the ultimate would be to watch a video of me doing it ... And I like that wi all these hot young women doing it – it’s me that he wants to see in action ... So this is for him ... I can’t wait to be fucked by your doggy ... But what I’m looking for the most, is to sit down and watch the video with Kenneth...”

It’s a familiar story, we’ve heard variations of it before - but not everyone has an original inspiration for wanting to do something...

“‘E’s a lucky man ... A very lucky man ... A lot of wives aren’t this understanding of their man...” Notes Dennis.

“Aye, well, it helps that dogsex turns me on – so it’s no as if I’m no getting anything out of this...”

“So, you’re looking forward to the cock then?” Checks Dennis.

“Oh yes ... And the knot ... And all the other fun stuff ... I cannae wait...” Smiles our guest.

“Well, in that case ... Let’s not wait...” As Dennis speaks he gives a little tug on the dog’s leash, which alerts Romeo to the impending action. “So, where did you want to film your scene?”

Patrice tips her head back over her shoulder, toward the staircase... “Up in the bedroom, in the marital bed ... I think he’d really like that...”

We cut to the bedroom – and it looks like someone is a big fan of Ikea, with the wide, low double bed, both bedside tables, and even lamps all having that Swedish wooden look. Crisp, clean, white sheets are pulled flat and tucked in with hotel precision.

The door opens and our guest walks in, followed by Dennis close behind with his sprightly Doberman.

They move toward the bed, and turn to face the camera, Dennis continuing his interview.

“In a couple of minutes, I’m gonna take this bad boy’s lead off, and we’re going to let this big dog fuck you like you’ve never been fucked in your life... ‘Ow does that make you feel?”

Patrice wears a wonderous expression and flicks some of that long curly hair out of her face, turning her head to make sure she looks like she’s talking to Dennis as well as the camera. “Well ... Obviously, I’m only human, so it makes me feel as wet as a...” She’s lost for words, so just holds her hands up in surrender, then laughs as she adds, “ ... a very wet thing!”

“OOooh, as wet as a very wet thing...” Comments our Cockney host. “That IS wet ... I think we better get you naked before you say anything even dumber than that...”

“Yeah...” Says Patrice, waving her hands, plainly unable to think of a witty comeback. “Let’s do that...!” and she lets out a nervous laugh.

We cut to the image of her wriggling out of her dress – pulling down over her large bust, showing off a silver-grey and black bodice ... Then over her curvy hips and big bum, showing off that she’s not bothered with panties today ... Then down her thick thighs, showing off black stockings that only reach a few inches above her knees.

“Your boy’s in for a smmooooooottthhhh ride...” She comments, self-confidently as she gives us a bit of a hip wriggle – showing off her body, obviously proud of her curves. Her smile almost as big as her arse!

Then, mouth a little open, feigning anticipation, she works her way down the buttons on the side of the bodice, popping them one after the next, releasing the pressure, until the whole thing pops open. It’s not an explosion of fat, but there’s definitely a release of flesh – most notably her big boobs dropping down and spreading out. Her belly sags a little, but we barely notice it because of those tits.

So she’s naked (but for those stockings), and very happy, and... “I can’t wait ... Now ... Where’s this doggy?”

She pauses for a second, naked in full frontal to our cameras. Chunky, rounded, rolls on her hips, around her belly ... We are able to confirm our earlier appraisal - she’s certainly not obese, but there’s plenty of her. Most will be happy to see her, few will consider her too big to be naked on tv ... To be more accurate, few will consider her too big to be naked on UK of Zoo ... The dog definitely doesn’t care ... She’s alive and moving, she’s fleshy, she’s warm – and she’s willing...

She looks from the camera to across to the dog – and just as she does, Dennis releases him from his chain – he rushes toward her - she doesn’t flinch. Dropping to her haunches, big thighs straining, and catching him as he arrives at her feet, letting out and excited giggle and grinning broadly. The force of his arrival almost knocking her back on her arse ... She yelps and laughs as she holds him off - stroking his head and neck, gripping handfuls of short fur and flesh. Breathing harder the more real it gets ... Noting that, “Kenneth loves seein’ a girl kiss her dog...”, she leans in toward the dog, pursing her lips and offering her mouth to him...

He reacts by licking at her excitedly – and she doesn’t back away, letting him lick her pursed lips, then opening her mouth and slipping her tongue all the way out onto her chin – into the path of his tongue, letting him lick over that as well ... She makes no attempt to back away, or to stop him – letting him go ... Letting him get increasingly excited, his licking getting more intense, pushing toward her ... His body pushing up against her big tits as she leans back ... She lets him go until his pushing toward her and licking so hard, that she’s almost choking - at which point she finally allows herself to fall onto her back – letting him step over her. Reaching up to stroke his neck and his head, pushing him away playfully to buy herself time to catch her breath. Looking up into camera and saying, “I hope you like that Kenny ... That was soooo hot ... He’s soooo big and strong...”

We cut away to a wider shot, seeing Dennis in the background, watching over his dog but staying out of the way of the cameras.

Back to Patrice, down on the floor with the dog still standing over her - pushing him away playfully... “Gimme a second ... Gimme a second ... Dirty boy ... You’re just a horny bastard, aren’t ye?”

“‘E’s a dirty boy, alright...” Calls Dennis, from off camera, adding, “Not nearly as dirty as you though, ya filthy old slut!” And he laughs.

Patrice smiles up at him, and this time doesn’t stop the Doberman as he returns to her, dropping his head down between her chunky thighs ... She lays back again, spreading her thighs – legs up in the air, knees apart – and presenting her pussy to the beast.

He drops his snout to her wide-open groin and begins to lick at her hairy snatch – his long tongue sliding over the length of her slot, wide and warm ... And she immediately arches her back, letting out a high-pitched squeal of delight, “OOOooohhhh GGaaawwwddd!” – flat on her back, grabbing her big titties and squeezing them. “Oooohhh Kennyyyyyy ... Ooooohhhh ... This is ... OOooohhh fffffaaaahhhkkkk...” Her whole body begins to shake – partly from the pleasure of the dog’s tongue, partly from the strain of holding her legs in the air.

Romeo licks at her pussy – digging deep – tasting all ... Hungry and happy ... Licking with real enthusiasm ... His chest down, front legs forward, rear end up – licking like he loves it...

On the receiving end – our guest definitely loves it ... That wide, warm canine tongue occupying her senses, driving her crazy ... She’s still squeezing her big tits, holding them to her chest rather than playing with them as the beast continues to lap at her.

She’s gasping in ragged, hard breaths – her ribcage swelling ... Body shaking ... Writhing and twisting from side-to-side as the dog continues to soak her – driving her toward her first dogasm ... Her catching her breath ... Jerking ... Fingers digging into her tits, soft flesh spilling between them...

She’s moaning, “OOoohhh ggaawwdddd ... OOoohhh gggaawwwdd ... Kenny ... Aaaaahhhhmmm ggoonnaaeee cum wi’ the dooooggggggg!” – and arching her back ... Straining ... Shaking ... Then suddenly pulling a hand off one of her tits and jamming it down to her pussy, rubbing fingertips over her clit, mashing her flesh even as the dog continues to lick at her ... Rubbing herself over the top ... And croaking “FFFFFUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKK!” through gritted teeth as her face turns as red as her hair ... She looks like she’s about to pop a vein in her temple...

She slams her big thighs together as she cums – not trying to block the dog, simply losing control ... Romeo jumps back, licking the air, twisting and jumping to the side, his tail wagging as he looks up at his master (off camera)...

We cut to a shot of Dennis watching on, encouraging his dog. “Go on, my son ... That’s just foreplay ... She’ll want the real thing...”

We cut back to Patrice – still on her back, catching her breath, legs together, arms wrapped around her chest, holding her big boobs. Shivering and sweating...

Then fade through to another shot of her – as she climbs up onto the marital bed and gets into position on her hands and knees. Big arse sticking up, big boobs hanging down. Head back, flicking long curly locks out of her face. She still looks red in the face and out of breath (although we’ve actually cut almost ten minutes of recovery time out of the action).

She drops down onto one elbow, then reaches back with her free hand, grabs a big arse-cheek and pulls it to the side, opening her arse up, pulling her thigh around a little and exposing the meaty lips of her wet slot to us.

“I want him to fuck my cunt...” She gasps, looking up toward Dennis, then back toward the beast, then up toward the camera with a glint in her eye, “Kenny’s want you to fuck my cunt!!” Breathing hard, then adding, “Fuck my cunt!”

Romeo makes his move – rushing toward the bed, jumping up and heading straight to her rear end, rising up behind her – over her big bum, and grabbing hold around her wide waist – his big paws scraping around the flesh of her belly roll, his sleek body stretching over her back in a second, his head above hers as he stabs his hard cock toward her fat pussy lips ... The pointed, angled tip pushing up against her flesh, between the lips, almost inside her...

He pumps hard, and it clear that he’s popped into her almost immediately ... And as soon as he’s inside, her begins to lurches hard into her – and she loses the ability to make words – just letting out a series of squeals and yelps, “OOHHH ... OOOWWWW ... KENNY! ... OHH KENNY! I’M FUCKING A DOG ... I’M FUCKING A DOG...!”

Behind the action, just off camera, we can hear Dennis’s gravelly voice calling, “Fuck that slut ... Go on, fuck that fat cunt!”

The scary beast doesn’t need encouragement ... He’s fucking her because it feels good, not because anyone has told him too ... Her soft pussy, nice and cool, wrapped around his fat shaft – driving it deep inside her ... And with each rally of thrusts she lets out another series of gasped squeals, “GODD! OOHHhhh Kennny ... Kenny ... It’s amazin’ ... I’m amazziin’...! AAAHHH!” – looking up toward our camera, half smiling toward us, half pouting between the moans ... Bracing herself against the onslaught ... The Doberman on her back, holding tight, leaning into it, giving her everything he’s got ... Hard and fast, in rallies of a dozen thrusts at a time, then a little pause, a shuffle of the hind-paws, and then another rally ... Big tits jiggling and shaking under her, arms and legs straining to take his weight as well as hers.

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Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E06 Lucinda Glass 46 from Middlesbrough

We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e16 Ava Marvaux 22

from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e19 Belinda

Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e5 Julia Green 56

We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e20 Tina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e7 Siobhan

Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e10 Alison Latham

Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e15 Lynn Roche 51

Series 8 Episode 15: Lynn Roche (51), from Isle of Wight. We’re on the sunny sea-front of a traditional looking British sea-side town. Small apartment blocks sit on one-side of the road, looking out over the sea. The building infront of us is three levels above an open parking garage. Each level with its own balcony. An attractive figure approaches, walking out from the shadows of the garage and into the bright sunlight, with a large black dog by her side. She’s dressed for the sunshine –...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e15 Em Smith 37

from Newcastle We fade in on the familiar frontage of Charley’s stylish townhouse – then we cut to inside, right to Charley’s home office, and find her once again sitting at her editing suite. She’s not doing much editing though – she has her back to us, both feet up against the front of her desk, her legs spread wide, and she appears to be working her pussy (we can’t actually see what she’s doing) as she watches her screen... On screen, partially obscured by Charley’s shoulder we can see...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

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