The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)S14, E10 - Hajar Tajali (22) & Hailai Tajali (19), From Woking free porn video

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We open this week’s show with an establishing shot of a quiet suburb of a low-rise town...

A big caption appears, filling almost the whole screen, “WOKING, ENGLAND.”

The caption fades, as we focus in on a red transit van with our UK of Zoo logos on the side ... Then we cut inside – looking at the roads outside ... Ahead of us we can see an old church on the right side of the road, and a low-rise 1970s office building on the left ... We pass the office building, heading toward a roundabout, then swing to the left into a retail park, our camera swing back to face the rear of the vehicle (which is set up in passenger mode today, with a set of seats added behind the driver’s seat) - where we see our host...

Man-spreading in the middle of the wide row of seats, his big belly hanging down onto his lap, his body jiggling as we drive. His whiskery face twists into a smile as he greets us in that gravelly Cockney accent of his... “‘Ello ... And welcome to another episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... My name’s Dennis Baxter, and I’m your host ... And this week I’m ‘sans’ doggoes...” He waves his hands to indicate there’s no dog here in the vehicle with them.

We cut back to the views of the streets as Dennis continues his introduction ... We’re in the retail park, moving through the car park ... Ahead of us we spot, ironically, a large “PETS AT HOME” store, then various other stores...

Dennis continues, “We’ve got a special show lined up for you today ... Because we’ve come to Woking, in Surrey, population 62,794, PLUS...”

As he’s talking we leave the stores behind us and head down a narrow roadway – then turn into a small car park infront of an ornate, curved mosque...

Dennis continues, “ ... two filthy, young Muslim sluts – who both have a very dirty dream!”

As we enter the car park we see two young, traditionally dressed dark haired women, who wave when they see us approaching ... We pull up beside them, slide the side door open and let them quickly jump into the back with our host ... At his direction, patting the seats on either side of him, the girls take up their seats beside him. Settling in, looking excited and happy ... Saying their hellos in vaguely foreign accents that suggest they started life elsewhere, but have grown up around here.

Then we cut to a close up of the first girl – she’s pretty, with strong cheekbones, and a triangular jaw. There’s a scar running down the side of her forehead toward her big brown eyes (but it’s only visible when she turns her head toward our host). She introduces herself, “I’m Hajar Tajali ... I’m 22, and I’m from Woking, in Surrey...”

Then cut to the second girl, slightly younger, with rounder features and no scar, but the same big brown eyes, “I’m Hailai Tajali ... I’m 19, and I’m her sister, and I’m from Woking too...” Laughing at the obvious final comment.

Then we cut back to the wide shot of the three passengers together in the back-seat. The slim young ladies on either side of the fat old man. He looks from one to the other, moving his hand-held microphone from side-to-side as he tries to keep up with them telling their story.

Hajar, the older sister, begins, “We were born in Afghanistan, and our father sent us out with our mother after the Americans came...”

Hailai confirms, “He was a really clever man, our father ... He always said that the Americans would leave, and when they did the Taliban would take control again, and when they did that our lives would be terrible. He didn’t want us to live in that world ... So he sent us here...”

The older girl takes over again, “Our mother waited for him, but he never came after us ... We think he was killed ... And after a few years mother met a new man here, and they settled down, but he’s a really devout Muslim...”

Hailai again, “We’ve been raised as Muslim, but not traditional, you know...”

The older sister continues, “So we’ve had a lot of problems with our step-father ... Him wanting us to be more traditional, respectful ... Wanting us to dress right, to behave like good Muslim girls...”

Hailai confirms, “But we are NOT good Muslim girls...!”

Hajar jumps in to clarify her little sister’s comment, “We still believe in the teachings of Allah ... We know his is the path to heaven ... But we believe that women should be as free as men. We should be able to do as we please...”

Dennis nods, and checks, “And that’s why you’re here today?”

The girls look at each other and giggle a bit – then the older sister continues. “Yeah ... Like ... We just want to do something really disgusting to send a very clear message to him that we’re all grown up, and we’re going to do ‘our’ thing.”

“Oooh, something disgusting, eh?” Smiles Dennis, leaning back and indicating his crotch (which is buried under his belly), “Well ... I’m right here, ladies!!”

They both laugh ... Then the younger sister takes over, “We could do that – but we want to go really extreme...”

“Even more disgusting than you...” Laughs Hajar, apparently not realizing how dismissive she’s just been to her host.

“To make the message as clear as possible...” Checks Dennis (who clearly doesn’t care how dismissive this little Afghan slut is).

“We want to burn all of our bridges...” Says Hajar, adding, “Then we can get on with our lives the way we want to live them.”

“Is that why you asked us to arrange a ‘date’ with a pig?” Asks Dennis, confirming this week’s animal of choice.

Hajar nods, “Yes. Exactly. It’s, like, the worst thing we could possibly do ... According to Islam, pigs are filthy ... The dirtiest of all animals ... So, for us to do this, it’s the worst thing we could possibly do...”

“Especially if we show everyone how much we enjoy it!!” Gushes her little sister, clearly excited by the idea.

We cut to a shot of the people carrier pulling into the farmyard at a familiar location. The large steel and concrete pig-shed infront of them. The side door slides open and our Afghan girls climbing out.

Dennis stands infront of them and gives them their directions. “Now ... If you girls want to strip off out here...” He points in the direction of the shed, “Your future ... Is at the back of that shed...”

Hailai and Hajar look at each other, let out another giggle as they pause ... Then begin undressing – quickly. Their clothes aren’t the usual blouse or t-shirt, skirt or jeans – they’re wearing loose, wrap-around fabrics, baggy and lightweight ... Which come off slowly, revealing gradually more and more coffee colour flesh...

As each item of clothing is removed it’s dumped unceremoniously on the ground at their feet, in the mud, and stepped on as they continue to strip.

Pretty soon they are both stripped down to their underwear, which is unglamorous – they’re not even allowed nice lingerie. Bra and panties, in plain white, patternless designs.

Hajar’s is slimmer that her little sister – with a flatter belly and slightly longer legs. Hailai appears to have a little extra puppy fat, a soft belly, thicker legs. Neither of them has particular big boobs, with the bras being more about modesty than control.

Hailai turns away, so that her older sister can unhook her bra for her, and as the cups fall away from her breasts we see that they a small but perfectly formed. She turns to face her sister, who turns away from her to allow her to unfasten her bra ... And as that falls away from her chest, we find ourselves looking at two topless Muslim sluts as they turn back to face each other – breathing hard, on the edge of giggling, both casting little glances toward the shed, obviously keen to get inside and meet their future...

There’s a pause, and unspoken sister-to-sister thought, and then both ladies quickly grab their panties and slip them down and off, again depositing them in the mud, squishing them into it with their toes – burying the past as they prepare for a new life ... Another little pause, then Hailai takes her big sister’s hand and sets off toward the shed, pulling her along behind. Both girls slipping bare-foot through the muddy yard.

We cut to inside the shed, in darkness, with the sound of pigs grunting in the background – then hear the screech of the sliding metal door, and see the bright sunlight from outside – then the two naked Afghan sluts hurrying in, both smiling and laughing as they run down the narrow concrete gangway between pig enclosures, little tits jiggling.

We cut from them, to a sign on a steel gate at the back of the shed that reads ‘WINSTON’. The printing rough, by hand, black paint on white cardboard.

The girls arrive and jump up on the fence, side-by-side, feet on the bottom bar, bellies against the top bar, little boobies jiggling as they giggle and point at, “Winston!”

We cut to look at our star as he waddles across the pen toward the gate to see who’s come to see him this time. He gets close and raises his head toward – snorting as he sniffs at the air, trying to get their unusual Afghan scent...

We can hear both of them talking – due to the combination of the sound quality in this big steel shed, and the girls sounding quite similar, it’s impossible to tell who is saying what, so it’s just a jumble of echoing comments, “Ohhhh, he’s disgusting...” – “This is going to be so dirty” – “I want to watch you do it first...” – “I can’t wait to do it...”

We pan up from the pig to the girls, both leaning forward on the gate, looking down at the monster ... It’s cold in here, but that’s not why their nipples are erect...

We hear Dennis asking, “Now you’re up close and personal ... What do you think?”

They take turns to look into camera and let us know what they are thinking. This time we can tell who’s saying what...

Hajar looks right into camera and notes that, “It’s a filthy, disgusting creature ... And so smelly...”

Hailai turns to us, confirming her sister’s thoughts, “It’s everything we hoped it would be ... So big and so unclean!”

Cut to a close-up of Winston as he shuffles closer to us, still sniffing the air, his breath loud, white frothy saliva on his bottom lip...

And then we’re back on our guests as they both climb up the gate – Hailai pausing to let her older sister swing a slim leg over first and climb down the other side, then following her ... The two girls stepping down into the pen, toes slipping into the straw and mud on the concrete floor – both of them seeming to find all of this more amusing than arousing...

They approach the pig, who continues to ignore them – even as they both bend forward to start patting and stroking his back ... Looking up at each other, looking simultaneously disgusted and amused, on the edge of laughing ... Pushing each other. “You want him...” – “No ... You want him!”

Hajar takes the lead, crouching down beside the pig’s hindquarters, patting his solid thigh ... Rubbing her hand over his stubbly flesh. “So rough...”

Hailai is still standing, but bending beside her sister, patting Winston’s back ... Noting that, “We shouldn’t be touching him...” – then laughing.

Hajar leans forward, one hand on the pig’s back, the other reaching down his side, rubbing his belly, letting her small tits brush against his rough body. Meanwhile, her younger sister, drops down beside her, closer to his rear end ... One hand on his back, the other behind him, pausing near his huge balls... “Look at his big balls ... They’re so ... Big...”

“I bet they are full for us...” Notes Hailai. “We should empty them!!” – they both laugh ... Two girls playing together, being silly, not taking this at all seriously.

Hailai runs her hand slowly over the balls – getting the first reaction from the big pig, him shuffling a little and grunting, swinging his head around a little. Surprised rather than concerned as she continues to rub her hand gently up and down, fingers following the curve of the flesh ... Sighing as she does it.

Dennis speaks up, from outside the pen, “The big question of the day – who’s going to go first?”

The girls look at each other – then the big sister speaks up. “She’s going to go first because it was her idea ... And if she survives, then I will go!”

“If there’s any cum left in these big balls, you mean...” Laughs the slightly heavier girl.

We pause on them giggling with each other for a moment – then cut to a fresh angle, as Hailai crawls forward under the protective metal arch ... Off camera, one of our experts is walking Winston around the pen in a wide circle, making sure that he gets a good look at the little brown arse as our first guest moves away under the arch...

As soon as the big boar realizes what’s going on, the mood changes ... He snorts loudly and begins to hurry forward – arriving at the arch just as Hailai’s excited face appears at the other end, leaving only her lower legs and behind exposed out of the back of the equipment ... Soon to be covered up by the giant pink monster as he rears up, planting his hard trotters on the top of the arch, pushing himself forward, over her, lining up the prepuce in the middle of his belly with her rear end...

Hajar’s face lights up as the pig moves over her sister and begins to hunch himself behind her – that distinctive porcine hip flex ... Tensing up rather than thrusting... “OOoohhh, here he goes ... Are you ready, sister...?”

We hear Hailai’s “Yes”, but don’t see her – we just see the star of the show making his move, and the other sister dropping down to the dirty floor to watch the action up close.

We cut down to see what she’s seeing - a low angle shot of his strange cock already beginning to stick out – long and thin, twisting – looking completely uncontrollable, yet strangely finding its way almost straight to her puffy pussy lips...

Then we’re round to the front of the safety arch, with the younger sister looking up at us, a look of excitement on her face – anticipation ... She uses one hand to hold her long hair away from her face so we can always see her reactions, and always see that it’s her – she wants the world to know she’s here, doing this, for real ... Twisting her head to look up – looking at the huge beast above her, his ugly snout, yellow teeth and drooling mouth right above her head...

From a wider angle, we watch Hajar watching the pig beginning to fuck her sister – a look of aroused admiration on her face as he tenses his thighs and sends a shudder through his body...

Down under, looking up at her pussy, we see the pig’s cock is already between Hailai’s soft lips, corkscrewing in and out of her ... Rubbing against her flesh rather than filling it – twisting and stabbing at her...

The sounds – let’s talk about the sounds ... The girl’s upper register moans, and the pig’s lower rasping breathing sounds ... Then almost taking turns, in a call and repeat – his rattle, followed by her moan ... The feeling of that cock twisting inside her obviously highly stimulating...

It’s hard to tell if the vision of that ugly prick is worse than the sight of his fat bulk, or if the ragged breathing sounds worse than it all looks ... As with all pig-fucks, it’s a grotesque sight ... But a highly erotically charged one ... Why would a woman enjoy this? We don’t know – but Hailai certainly sounds like she is, and Hajar looks like she’s getting off on watching too – a hand already down between her thighs, working her pussy.

As we watch the cock screwing in and out in close-up, we see the first streams of off-white pig-semen beginning to leak out, and very quickly gush ... A pulsing flow as the pig begins to unload into her body ... The volume of Hailai’s moaning increases, as does the pig’s rasping.

Hajar states the obvious, “OOoohhh, he is cumming...” Then continues, “Can you feel that, sister? Can you feel the beast cumming inside you?”

We cut back to the other end of the arch, looking right at her little sister, looking up with a beatific smile on her face ... Not bothering to answer the question – too busy enjoying the sensation.

Then we’re back around behind the action, with Hajar reaching a hand in under her sister’s pussy, letting the pig cum stream out and dribble onto her hand, letting it cover her fingers and her palm ... Then withdrawing it to take a closer look ... Making sure the camera is on her, then holding her palm out so we can see how wet it is, bringing it to her mouth and running her tongue over it ... Unable to hide her disgust at the way it tastes, but completing the lick anyway ... Rather than lick her hand clean, she smears the rest over her face – her cheeks, her nose, the scar on her forehead and eyebrow - and then down over her little tits.

She smiles at us, then turns toward the side of the pen, reaching out to an off-screen technician, who hands her a simple plastic jug. She holds it up toward us, and comments, “I think we can find something to do with this...”

Then we’re back to a close-up of the soaking wet pussy ... The long thin shaft of the pig’s ugly twisting inside her the younger sister’s flesh. Grey fluid spilling out after each twisting ‘thrust’ ... Dribbling down into Hajar’s jug, which she is holding as close to the action as possible, gathering every drop.

We cut back to a close-up of Hailai’s round face – her big brown eyes wet and glinting as she sighs and smiles through the penetration ... She doesn’t seem to be getting that much out of the physical side of things, but the mental side – knowing what she’s doing and how it will anger her step-father ... She’s loving that!

She looks up again, and we look up again, seeing that pig’s big mouth a few inches above her ... Slobber hanging from one side, a long line hanging down toward Hailai, shaking/vibrating as the beast rattles his breath in and out ... Our dirty little Afghan twists around a little more, turning her head up toward him, sticking her tongue out and touching the end of the saliva strand ... Twisting and stretching further until she catches it, and it snaps, across her face, half in her mouth ... She closes her mouth and slurps the pig’s saliva between her lips – then swallows ... Looking vaguely disgusted, but a little elated too. Filthy slut!

If that’s not disgusting enough, we cut back to her creamy pussy – with a positive gush of semen plopping out of it and dropping into the jug ... We look down into the jug and see a good serving glugging around – slightly lumpy with little bits of coagulated semen ‘plugs’ floating in the mix. Then back up to the dribbling pussy and that strange, twisting/thrusting skinny cock...

Then we’re out in a wide-shot, from outside the pig pen, watching the big pig mounted over the protective arch, barely able to see the young Afghan underneath – but we can see her older girl to the side, stroking her hand over the pig back as he continues to twitch and jerk into her sister.

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Series 4, Episode 14: LAUREN We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new - we’re in a semi-industrial, run down old part of town. Clearly an area that’s seen better days. Half of the factory units/shops around here are locked up with ‘TO LET’ signs stating, ‘LOW RENT’. Despite being half closed, there’s a good number of vans driving...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e19 Tiffany Black 36

Series 5, Episode 19 - Tiffany Black (36) We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – just long enough to notice that this week the shot includes lines of longitude and latitude ... Then we fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the country, staying on the zero-degree line of latitude ... Dropping toward the south, toward the huge urban spread of London ... Staying on that imaginary line – right into...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e9 Tara Carver

Series 5, Episode 9: Tara Carver (59) – Edinburgh We open with our standard sequence – a high altitude image of the United Kingdom. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy caricature of our host, Charley, floating infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping toward the ground, heading in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e1 Elizabeth

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Then we’re in a large carpark ... Hundreds of cars, shoppers pushing trolleys back...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e17 Penelope

“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 18: Penelope” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 18: PENELOPE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something familiar... A narrow single car width country road, leading through an area of barren, rolling, grassy hills. Dry stone walls rise about 3 feet on either side of the narrow road. A few cows...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E15 Marnie Coburn 43 from Blackburn

We start this week’s show with a drone shot, flying over endless terraces streets of old homes. Black roofs, barely a solar panel in sight, narrow streets crowded with parked cars... Then we cut to ground level in one of those narrow streets, seeing the cars parked on the pavement on either side, giving just enough room for another car to squeeze through. Terraced two-story houses line either side of the street, behind small walls that protect about a meter of concrete rather than a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e16 Annalise Tsaro 31

Series 5, Episode 13: Annalise Tsaro (31) – Dover – builder’s wife, loads of kids, ultra-protected, wants to do something crazy and independent We open with our beautiful shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level in front of the White Cliffs of Dover in just a few seconds – and we’re already into live-action. From here we race toward the cliffs, but just as we expect to rise...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e4 Becky Millington 32

We fade in on the face of a man – Mr Average, nothing to shout about, nothing to run away from ... He’s filming himself, selfie-style on a smart-phone camera. He looks excited and full of fun. He speaks, almost whispers, direct to the camera, in a mild Scouse accent, “Dear Charley, my name’s Kyle, and I’d like to nominate my partner, Becky, to be on The United Kingdom of Zoo – because she never stops thinking about having sex with dogs ... And to prove it ... Come with me...” He turns the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e15 Kimberly

“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e18 Rachael

Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E06 Lucinda Glass 46 from Middlesbrough

We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e14 Bronte 25 socialite from Hampstead

A train rattles along a raised section of track. Beneath it – a series of large Victorian era arches have been walled in to form garages and storage spaces. Grubby, messy and old. It’s the wrong end of town, very much working man’s territory. We close in on one of these arches and note a figure walking toward it. She’s immaculately dressed from top to toe in a tailored black jacket and knee length skirt combination, with a low-cut white top tucked in tight, the neckline revealing a healthy...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e16 Ava Marvaux 22

from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e19 Belinda

Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e5 Julia Green 56

We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e20 Tina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e7 Siobhan

Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E16 Tamara Cooper 32 from Southampton

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of St Mary’s Stadium, home of Southampton Football Club ... Then spinning around to look over the River Solent, zooming in on a large, gray-green structure with little round windows ... Then we cut to that building – on a dusty industrial estate - with the river and St Mary’s Stadium in the background. A sign on the front of the building reads “MAIN AGGREGATES”. Our host steps into frame from the side, immediately making the scene better to...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e10 Mia Perch 20 from Exeter

Series 8, Episode 10: Mia Perch (20), from Exeter An establishing shot of an old-school cinema with a big silver and blue “ODEON” logo above the entrance. Patrons are spilling out after a screening, happy and smiling, seeing our camera and altering the way they walk – getting out of shot as quick as possible ... Especially when our host walks into the side of the frame and begins her introduction with her soft Polish tinged accent as she walks toward us... In a tight t-shirt and...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

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