The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
- 2 years ago
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We meet our next subject via a montage of her playing soccer. There’s a shot of a small stadium, a shot of an Everton FC badge, footage of her on the ball – tall and slim with short hair, her playing a pass, her sprinting after a loose ball and diving in two footed on an opponent, a shot of her being given a yellow-card, and finally, her training with her team-mates in an empty stadium.
At the end of the session she jogs over toward us. She’s a lean and powerful looking girl. Her short dark hair is somewhere between shaggy and spikey and frames a square jawed face with thin lips, a pointed nose, strong cheekbones. It’s harsh, but somehow still remains easy on the eye. She’s not a ‘pretty’ girl, but she’s healthy and has a natural glow about her.
She speaks with a strong Scouse accent, quite fast, too many words in her head.
“I’m Natalie Foulkes, I’m 26, and I used to play for Everton Women’s Football Club in the Women’s Premier League in England, but that ended last year ... Now I’m just playing Sunday league, and ... Now that I’m not a professional anymore ... I can’t resist the chance to have sex with a dog.”
Then we’re with Natalie as she walks around the training pitch talking direct to camera.
“I was always into sports more than boys. I played football with them, I didn’t want to go out with them. They were teammates, not boyfriends. I was never interested in sex. To be honest, I thought I just didn’t have any sex drive at all. I thought I was channelling it all into sport or somethin’...”
We switch to voice-over as we watch her playing keepy-up. Expertly juggling a ball on both feet, thighs, head...
“I had a few boyfriends, I tried sex, but it was always pretty boring. Physically okay, but no real thrill ... I even tried sleeping with a couple of girls at uni, just to see if I was a lesbian ... But that just felt strange ... Then your show came on tv, and I thought about dogs for the first time – and I got turned on, I think, for the first time ever.”
She loses control of the ball and kicks it away, smiling into the camera. Still speaking in voice-over. “And then I was hooked.”
Cut to: A team-mate. A short, powerful looking woman with long blonde hair. “Natalie told us she was applying for your show. We all had a good laugh about it, but I don’t think any of us were surprised. We’ve known her for over a year and she’s not had a boyfriend that whole time.” She’s asked something from behind camera. “No ... We all watch the show. Some of us are curious, some not. I’d never do it ... But she’s that kind of girl. No limits. If she wants to do it, she’ll do it. Fair play to her.”
Then we’re in the changing rooms at the club. Bare white walls, concrete floors and slatted wooden benches around the outside. There’s a shower block to the rear. The rooms are deserted save for Natalie and our camera crew. You might think it’s the middle of the day, right after those external shots were filmed, but it’s actually the middle of the night – we can’t risk having any other teams walk in on us.
She unzips her tracksuit top, removes it and hangs it from the hook behind her. Then grabs her skin-tight training shirt and peels it off over her head, revealing a small chest in the tightest, most pointless sports bra you’ve ever seen. She pauses whilst she unties the chord of her jogging pants, then pulls them down too to reveal white knickers, firm arse, long slim legs, nicely toned. She may no longer be a pro sportswoman, but she’s clearly kept her fitness regime up. She pauses, affording us a good look at her toned athletic body – lean and somewhat mean. White knickers and grey sports bra.
“I’ll show you more, but don’t get your hopes up, there’s not much more to see...” She jokes as she grabs the bottom of the bra and pulls it up over her head. Her tits are small. Not flat, but barely there, with pencil eraser nipples that jump to attention as soon as the cold air hits them. She puts the bra on the bench behind her and plays with her boobs, rubbing and squeezing them hard. Enjoying it. Giving signs that she likes it rough. “I like my little tits. Some of the girls have big boozies, bouncing around when they’re trying to play, looks exhausting, I’m happy I don’t have to carry any extra baggage around ... It’s only the nipples that matter anyway, that’s the fun bit.”
There’s a brief pause whilst she stands there in her panties and a half smile, pinching her nipples a little. Waiting.
Then we hear footsteps and the sound of paw on concrete and the chunky shape of Gay Eddie enters the rooms, clearly unimpressed by the cold concrete and breeze blocks, the bare benches and metal hooks. Paddy pads in behind him, apparently picking up on his owner’s vibe, not impressed – until he spots the topless figure waiting for him ... He turns his head on its side, seeing this boobless, strong thing ... Then she smiles at him and he perks him right up.
Eddie smiles when he sees her as well. “Oooh, my favourite kind of girl ... Small boobs and a strong body ... Don’t take this the wrong way dear, but you could almost be a 16 yr old boy!” He smiles and giggles, as does Natalie. “You’re not the first man who’s told me that!!” She replies.
The ice broken, she bends forward to stroke the big red Irish Setter. “Hello boy...” Reaching out toward him with both hands, rubbing both sides of his face. She’s clearly very comfortable with dogs, some of our girls are nervous to touch the animal’s right away but she’s diving right in. For his part the dog is also very friendly, sniffing at her crotch immediately, sensing that this one is really up for it. “He’s not that subtle, is he?” She jokes.
She continues to bend forward and stroke the dog, moving back from his face to his body.
“What’s his name?” She asks Eddie as she works along the dog’s body.
“This is Paddy. He’s my beautiful boy, and he’s just turned 4 years old.” Eddie states with pride.
Natalie looks from the dog to Eddie as she crouches down beside the dog and begins to rub his belly. “Is it okay if I just dive in here ... I’ve been waiting a long time to do this...”
“Oh Lord, dear, you don’t need to waste a second. Do as you wish, he’ll not fight you off.”
Natalie’s hand wanders down his side and under his belly. She focuses hard as she feels around and starts to rub his sheath. His cock growing quickly, the lipstick tip showing in seconds. Paddy leans against her side, pushing against her, trying to impose his dominance over her as she gets a grip on his meat and starts to jerk him to a full erection.
Eddie sits next to Natalie as she continues to stroke the dog’s cock. “Now, my dear, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do – but I’ll tell you all the things Paddy likes to do, and you can do whichever you please...”
Before he has a chance to suggest anything, she’s already way ahead of him. “Does he like to lick pussies? I’ve always wanted to feel a dog’s tongue on my pussy...”
Eddie waves her on and she sits back on the bench, spreading her thighs and hooking the gusset of her panties to one side revealing thin, almost internal pussy lips – a neat little coconut of a pussy. Very well tended with a waxed little Brazilian landing-strip of hair.
Paddy needs no invitation – diving in and licking at her. His tongue hitting the mark right away and making her gasp, “Oooohhh fuckin’ hell, that’s amay-zing...” She breathes through it, trying to control her excitement as the big dog goes to work. Inside, outside, hot and wet, slipping between her lips and over her clit.
He stops and tries to mount her, but she pushes him off and pats her pussy again. “No ... Not yet, finish this ... Lick this...” Then she smiles broadly as he goes back to work on her pussy.
With one hand on his head, encouraging him to keep licking, she pulls her panties down with the other, and shuffles out of them. Arching her back and breathing harder as he digs deeper between her pussy lips with that magnificently long, hot and slick tongue. Gasping as his cold nose touches her clit. “Fuuuurrkkk!” as his tongue drags over it for several long strokes. Then he stops and tries to mount her again, and this time she wants it. “Do you wanna fuck me, boy? Is it time, is it?”
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Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...
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from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...
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We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...
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We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...
Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...