The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We’re in a quiet side-street in the middle of Glasgow, up in Scotland. The sky is grey, and the buildings are brown. It’s all very boring. There’s a small, single storey, medical centre infront of us. Two parking spaces reserved for doctors – one marked N GUPTA, the other S GUPTA.
Inside, and we’re in a doctor’s room, looking at a dark-skinned and very skinny, almost shapeless middle-aged lady. She’s dressed semi-formally in trousers and a pale blouse, standing infront of her desk. She has long black hair tied back in a tight pony-tail, a big forehead, sharp features and a tight-lipped smile that looks just a little mischievous. Big brown eyes and a surprisingly pointy nose finish off this strange little look. She’s not ugly, more anonymous. She could be in the same room as you and you’d barely notice.
She speaks with a peculiar accent that combines that all-too-familiar Indian-in-Britain pronunciation, with a slight Glaswegian edge, and lets out a little laugh whenever she says something she finds amusing.
“My name is Neetu Gupta. I’m 43 years old, and I’m a general practitioner from Glasgow in Scotland.” She flashes that little, narrow lipped smile then returns to ‘serious face’.
We cut to Neetu dealing with some patients – a mother and her young son. Chatting whilst she takes the boy’s temperature. She talks over the top of this in voice-over.
“My parents decided when I was very young that I was going to be a doctor. They were very poor, uneducated, they wanted me to be the opposite. They made me work very hard all the time. They weren’t cruel, they made it a lot of fun for me. Everything was a game.”
She talking to another patient now, again talking to us in voice-over. “When I was at school I didn’t play with the other boys and girls, whenever I had spare time I was reading a book. I was never invited to parties, but if I had been I probably wouldn’t have wanted to go. It was the same at university and medical school. I always wanted to make my parents be proud and finish top of my class. I don’t really know how to talk to people...”
We cut to footage of her comparing notes over a cup of tea with another doctor – male, around the same age, big moustache and thinning hair. “I met my husband through work, there was no attraction between us, but we have shared goals and interests in life, and we didn’t have anyone else, so we just did it, you know ... It seemed the right thing to do. We have no children, no real social life. We spend time together, and for years we occasionally, only very occasionally, had intercourse – and that was okay, we were content...”
Back to her talking to a female patient – the patient on her back with her legs in the air, Neetu performing a pap smear, smiling that professional “everything is fine, this is totally normal”-smile that doctors do when in they inspect genitals. She continues in voice-over. “I wrote to you because there is something I found very erotic in your show. It made me feel like I’ve never felt before. I’ve heard of bestiality before, of course, but I’ve never watched it. I didn’t even watch your show until by accident one night. I turned the tv on in the middle of a show and I couldn’t turn it off ... Then my husband walked in and he watched it too. Neither of us said anything, but both of us knew that something had changed. Since then we’ve actually had a lot more sex, always doggy style... !”
And what turns you on the most about being fucked by a dog?
Cut to Neetu, back in the surgery, talking direct to camera. Thinking. “It’s pure. It’s just raw animal passion.” She says, confirming it’s something she’s really thought through. “I’ve never known real passion before. I’ve watched most of your shows now, downloaded them, watched them with Sanjay, and I love how the dog is so active, not just being used, it seems to be pure pure lust. He wants pussy, he’s going to get pussy, and he’s going to do whatever he wants to it. I love that.”
And Sanjay is happy for you to do this?
She smiles her cheeky little smile. “He told me that I should apply for the show. He said if it makes me happy it will make him happy ... I think he just wants to see me doing it. Which is fine.”
If this works out today, do you think you two will be getting a dog?
“I don’t know about owning our own dog ... If I enjoy it I’ll have to find a way to do it again and again though. I’m sure it will be everything I hope, and if it is, it’s not a one time deal, you know?”
In a montage sequence we see as Neetu sees a patient, then another, then waves off her last of the day. We see her fixing up her office at the end of the day, kissing Sanjay on the cheek and sending him home, then sending the last member of staff away and locking the doors of the surgery. “Normally I’d never be the last one to leave, but today I’ve told them I have to stay back for some more ‘interviews’ with you.” She smiles.
We see a few shots of the surgery, now empty with most of the lights turned off. No phones ringing. No patients. Then back to Neetu’s consulting room.
We’re back to face-to-camera interview...
What are you looking forward to the most?
Neetu’s eyes light up, her thin smile more wicked than ever. “Being owned!” She takes a breath, gathering herself. “Being absolutely owned by the beast. Fucked, knotted, and just dominated by an animal. Looking into your camera and admitting that I belong to him.”
We pause on the image of her smiling, the look in her eyes suggesting that she’s thinking about being owned by the beast ... And then we fade in the beats of the Bee Gees track, ‘Staying Alive’ sound out and cut to outside where we’re walking in step with a familiar beast. Samson, the magnificent German Pointer strides along with that natural pep in his step. His big body bouncing on those long legs, mouth open, tongue out. Happy boy. His playful, very physical nature, can make him a scary proposition, but his popularity on the show has grown as all the girls realises that deep down he’s just a puppy.
Walking alongside him, looking a little cocky, is twenty-something Greg. He’s a scruffy chap, but well suited to his pet. The music drops as Greg begins to speak to us.
“This is Samson ... He’s a German Pointer - 6 years old, 2 feet tall to the shoulder, and weighs almost 70 lbs ... Samson LOVES making love to women ... And I can tell you for real – women REALLY love making love to Samson.”
Back inside the surgery...
She’s standing in the middle of the room stripping off. She removes her clothes in a very matter-of-fact way. Pale shirt off to reveal dark brown skin. She’s slight, very slim with small boobs that barely need a bra (but are held within a simple white one anyway). Then her trousers, unzipped and slipped off pretty skinny legs. Healthy rather than skin-and-bone. Lean. There’s no fat on her.
She removes her little bra and a small pair of boobs, little more than big nipples, just sit there. Panties next – lots of untrimmed pussy hair. As she moves around we can also see that she hasn’t shaved under her arms for a week or two either.
The door to her surgery/examination room opens and Samson enters, Greg following behind at the end of his chain. The dog looks up at this frail, boob-less, brown thing, not sure ... Greg notes that “He’s not sure what you are...” which makes Neetu laugh.
The dog walks around, sniffing, sensing something, and getting closer to Neetu. She stands still, hands slightly raised, legs a little apart ... Samson closes in, then figures out where the smell is coming from, moves right to Neetu, sniffs her crotch and immediately starts ‘smiling’, looking back at Greg, and wagging his tail stump – wagging his whole body actually. He’s recognised the smell now ... Pussy!
Neetu laughs at his surprise and excitement. “There you go – clever boy ... You know what it is ... Now how about you taste it...” She leans back on her desk and spreads her thighs a little, opening herself up for his big warm tongue.
Samson obliges – stepping to her and pushing his big head between her legs, up to her pussy, and licking. She gasps the moment his tongue makes contact with her pussy, then her knees almost buckle as she experiences a new kind of pleasure.
She leans back, letting her head fall back all the way, opening her legs to give him the best possible access to her warm, wet hole – and he just keeps on licking, his short haired, big head pushing forward, his tongue exploring her with every stroke – some over the top, some deep inside, all causing her to squeal, gasp and giggle before she’s (very quickly) had enough ... She pushes down on the top of his head and scrambles away, climbing up onto the examination table and sitting cross legged, looking down at him as she talks.
“He, has got an amaaaaayyzing tongue!” She looks into camera. “Oh my, that was wonderful...”
Too much?
She thinks for a second as she looks down at the playful dog, dancing around the table, trying to figure out how to get at his little brown slut. “No ... Not too much ... Very nice. A little too nice, but not too much...”
So you still want to him (we point the camera at Samson), to fuck you (we move the camera to her)?
She smiles, wickedness personified, “Absolutely. I’m very much wanting to do this...”
Then what are you doing up on the table?
She smiles and laughs again, “I’m scared of him ... I want him to fuck me ... But I’m scared of him – he’s so big ... And the licking was real ‘no mercy’-like ... I’m just thinking what the sex will be like, and I’m terrified, but very horny...”
Greg speaks calmly. “I promise he won’t hurt you ... He’s a good lover ... Very considerate ... Honest...” His smile wins Neetu over.
“Okay” she says, with mock tone of resignation, “I’ll give him a try...”
She slips down off the table. As she’s slipping she asks if Greg, “Can you just hold him off until I’m ready... ?”
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As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
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Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...