The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)S10:E12: Joyce Fernandez (30), From Luton free porn video

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For the eleventh time this series, we fade in on our darkened bedroom set. An under-stuffed, badly sprung, dirty, stained mattress sits on a banged-up, old, metal bed-frame. The frame used to be smooth wrought iron, but is now covered in rusty flakes; the mattress used to be white, but is now various shades of gray – we can almost smell it through the camera, musty and bitter.

We hear the familiar, click-click-click of high-heeled footsteps crossing the concrete floor of our studio – then pan our camera around to see this week’s guest ... And what a guest...

Tall, dark, large chested – in white g-string panties and a thin, almost transparent, white singlet – one which is completely unable to control her large boobs, or hide her big dark nipples. The white underwear is sharp relief to her flesh which the colour of butterscotch, or a milky cup of coffee.

She’s slim, but not hard, with a good pair of hips in addition to those big tits ... Those hips swing as she walks, and so do those boobs – jiggling and bouncing with each step. It’s impressive, so impressive that we dropped into slow-motion as she approaches.

It’s an 8 out of 10 body, maybe even a 9.

Up top, also in slow motion, we get a good look at her head. Her long black hair is tied back in a wavy ponytail, letting us get a clear look at her long forehead, her slim nose, wide mouth, full lips. She smiles as she walks – a smirking, happy smile that shows she’s confident that all of our viewers will be watching the way her body moves, and that she loves that idea.

She’s attractive – not stunning, but very nice. Another 8 out of 10. Hot, but not smokin’.

She walks into the pool of light infront of the dirty bed, stopping on her mark and turning to face our static camera, smiling broadly as she sets herself to give her introduction ... And we drop back into regular speed.

She speaks with a southern accent, sounding vaguely Cockney to the untrained ear ... She’s dark, but she doesn’t sound it.

“Hello. My name is Joyce Fernandez, I’m 30 years of age, and I’m a pediatric nurse from Luton, in England...” She pauses, that knowing smile smirkier than ever. “And I’m here today, because I want to get very dirty, with a very horny dog!”

We cut to a shot of her still standing infront of the bed, she’s got her hands behind her back and her shoulders back – her chest out, straining the material of the singlet, her nipples outlined, large and round and dark.

She continues to introduce herself as we admire her physique, sometimes cutting away from the portrait shot for a gratuitus close-up of her boobs, or the crotch of her panties – or occasionally a side-view of her, noting how big and round those boobs are. D Cups; full-to-overflowing D-Cups!

“I fink when men see me they think I’m going be a lot of fun ... And I can be, but I like to be romanced ... I’m not all about sex – I’m about love, and snuggles, and being in love ... I’m a real romantic at heart ... I love a good tearjerker or a rom-com ... I don’t care who you are, or what you look like, if you can’t watch a double-bill of romances wiff me, you’re probably not getting’ in these panties!”

She laughs a bit, thinking about the story she is telling and how it connects to ‘romance’ and ‘love’...

“So, I was watching an old movie with my boyfriend a few years ago... ‘Sleeping Dogs Lie’ ... I thought it was another rom-com, a man and a woman in love, something happens, and they struggle through ... But the thing that they struggle with is when she tells him that she once gave a dog a blow-job ... And he can’t handle it ... It was an okay movie, but, you know ... Strange ... I didn’t mind, it was just a movie – buy my boyfriend, he was going on and on about how disgusting that was ... And I asked him what he would do if I told him I had sucked a dog’s cock – and he said that he couldn’t be wiff a girl who did somefing like that...”

She pauses – then moves on... “It was like a switch going off ... I just wanted to suck one, right then, infront of him ... And see how he reacted ... See if he thought it was disgusting and if he’d dump me ... Or if his love would be more stronger than that...”

Another pause, then... “So, we’re still together ... And sometimes we watch UK of Zoo together, and I asked him what he would do if I was on the show ... And he don’t take me serious, he says I’d never do anything like that. He says I don’t need to because I’m – you know – pretty ... And I keep on finking ... If I’m gonna marry him, I really need to know he’d love me even after I did that ... And then we got married last year - and I can’t get the thought out of my mind ... So...”

She reaches down and grabs her singlet, pulls it up over her head, letting those big boobs lift up, then drop and bounce around as her arms come down again. “ ... Here I am ... Ready to play...”

She stands there in her g-string, body looking good – not perfect, the belly could be flatter, the butt smaller, the boobs firmer ... But pretty fucking tasty all the same ... She looks like she’s peaked too soon – standing there, all-but-nude, waiting for something to happen...

Ozvik breaks the silence with a question from behind the camera, “What do you think he’ll think?”

She keeps smiling, moving her shoulders from side to side, swinging those big tits infront of us as she thinks. “Erm ... I fink ... I fink he’ll still love me ... And if he don’t ... Well, I fink he will...”

Ozvik forces the issue, “And if he doesn’t? If he leaves you...?”

She thinks on, the smile not quite so big as she considers her options. “Well ... If he can’t handle me doing this ... He’s not the one for me ... If he had a fantasy I’d want him to live it out ... And if he don’t want me to, well, I’ll find someone who don’t mind...” She pauses, the smile returning. “Or maybe I’ll just buy a dog!” And she laughs ... And we cut to the door of the studio, watching as it opens and this week’s star makes his entrance...

It’s the huge St Bernard the puts fear in men’s hearts, and fire in women’s crotches ... Goliath ... His long dark shaggy coat hides much of his body, but it can’t conceal his immense bulk. He’s a big boy in more ways than one ... Although the main reason is pretty much hidden right now – we still get an idea as he moves past our camera and we see his heavy sheath swinging under him, then his big balls swinging between his hindlegs.

A few minutes later, Joyce and Goliath are down on the floor infront of the bed. She is sitting up on her knees beside him, an arm around his big body, stroking his flank and looking down at him with lust in her eyes.

“Hiiii, boooiiiiiii!” She purrs as she runs her fingers through his long hair.

The big beast is relaxed, moving his head from side to side, looking at the lady, and the camera, and the crew, and licking at his own jowls.

“He’s a vey big boy, do you think your husband will feel threatened by him?” Checks Ozvik from behind the camera.

Joyce looks up at us as he speaks, then looks back to the dog and smiles as she confirms that, “Yes ... Erm...” She’s genuinely distracted from the question, getting a little flustered. “He’s big, but he’s lovely ... I can’t wait!’

She leans forward to the big monster, pushing her mouth right up infront of his, keeping her lips as close together as possible as she talks to him, “Kiss ... Kiissssss...” – and then freezing in place as his big, warm tongue slops out and over her face.

We can see the corners of her mouth twisting up as she fights a smile, loving this first contact, but not wanting to impede his tongue from dragging across her closed lips a couple of times – then letting her mouth open a little wider – letting his tongue sweep over her parted lips, not quite slopping inside before she pulls back to catch a breath. “Ooooooohhhh ... You’re a good kisser ... Aren’t you a good kisser?” She gasps playfully – leaning in to let him have another quick sweep at her mouth.

We cut to a moment later as Joyce moves around on the bed, bending to slip her g-string off as the immense animal (who has also mounted the bed), tries to circle around behind her. Every time she moves, the dog moves, and every time either of them moves the bed creaks and squeaks, the rusty springs getting a real working over.

She gets into position infront of him, then quickly drops down to her knees (making the bed issue a loud metallic creak as the springs absorb her weight), she bends forward, falling to her elbows, letting her big tits press against the bed, pushing her round arse back and up into the air. She turns her head sideways away from our camera position – then realises we can’t see her, and turns her head back toward us ... She looks right into camera and says, “Danny, I love you ... I hope you really love me...” We can tell from the look on her face that she’s ready ... Bracing herself...

Goliath wants her, and he knows she wants him, but he seems to be taking his time – letting the anticipation build, admiring her body ... With every passing second she repositions herself a little – shuffling her knees a little wider, reaching her elbows a little further forward, arching her back a little more, sticking her beautiful arse out a little more ... Making that bed squeak some more...

There’s a sense of immense anticipation on her face – we can tell how nervous, and how excited she is ... Biting her bottom lip ... Nervous, high pitched, sounds squeaking out, “MMmm ... NNnnnnnn...”

Then the big beast stops his back and forth and turns right behind her, stepping up and launching his front legs over her and onto the couch so that he’s standing behind her, his back on the diagonal - his belly jammed up against her arse, wrapping around her – his heavy sheath and the tip of his soon-to-be massive cock slapping up against her pussy hard enough to allow an immediate inch deep penetration...

There’s a brief pause as he gets ‘comfortable’, and then that famous St Bernard back roll begins – winding up, tightening his shoulders, then rolling his back down toward his huge hindquarters ... We can see the anticipation on Joyce’s face again – her mouth opening a little, her eyes widening ... And then...

He slams his belly up against her arse, and drives the head of his cock between her pussy lips ... And she scrunches her eyes up and blows the air out of her lungs with a loud, “UUurrrrrggggghhhhh!” – sounding like a Russian tennis player after a service...

And the dog’s cock grows fast ... On the second slow thrust he’s four inches into her, on the third it’s six inches, on the fourth he’s already at full size – eight inches to the knot, then the knot as well (as it’s not yet swollen up beyond a slightly thicker bulb) ... The massive beast takes the opportunity to shift his huge bulk over her, moving forward, his big front feet up near her armpits, standing right over her and taking full ownership ... Then launching another long, almost painfully slow – and certainly painfully deep and hard – thrust...

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03.01.2023
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As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

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