The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)s11e20: Lauren Jaxon (36) From Solihull free porn video

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Unusually for our show – we begin by showing an old clip ... A slimmish, young woman, with dark shoulder-length hair, in a cramped room, with a golden retriever dog on her back, humping into her – making her gasp and yell through an open mouth – an unmistakably smile of wonder as she is pounded ... Her arse is soft under the assault, and her boobs hang down, jiggling as he pumps into her...

We hear her voice echoing in voice-over, “My name is Becky Millington. I’m 32 ... And I can’t wait to have sex with a dog!”

Then we cut to a shot of the dog on his back, legs loose in the air, Becky bending over him, tramp-stamp tattoo at the base of her spine, with her mouth wrapped around the canine cock, sucking as if her life depends on it...

Finally, a shot of Becky, on hands and knees, her chest heaving, a wild and crazy expression on her face, looking up into the camera and excitedly confirming that, “That was - fucking – AWWWWWWWE-SOMMMMMEEE!”

We fade out on the brief montage – and then start our show proper, the way we start every week – with an establishing shot of this week’s location...

We’re on a wide pedestrianised street lined on either side with shops.

The road has been replaced with interlaced brick paving, and the shops themselves are a combination of 1990s hard-edged two/three level buildings, and much older looking mock-Tudor buildings.

It’s a beautiful summer day and the street is busy without being over-crowded, with casually dressed shoppers strolling along – some with a purpose, some just idly window-shopping.

We linger – looking at various women, older ladies, younger teenagers, trying to guess who this week’s guest is going to be ... Then we see our host approaching ... Big, wide and sweaty – wearing a West Ham football shirt, dirty jeans, and a wide smile – it’s our old mate Dennis Baxter, and this week he’s leading not one, but two Doberman dogs. One looking quite spritely and excited to be out for a walk, the other older, slower, but still formidable.

When he speaks, it’s with his usual loud, gravelly east end Cockney accent – so loud that everyone in the street can hear what he’s saying to our camera.

“‘Ello, and welcome to the final show in this series of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... My name’s Dennis Baxter, and these two handsome devils are Casanova the Fird, and young Romeo ... Casanova’s boy – and soon to be the UK of Zoo’s boy...”

Hearing what he’s saying, a few of the shoppers slow and stop, looking around at him, our camera, and joining in the game of try-to-spot-the-slut ... There’s an old lady, a young couple holding hands, a smartly dressed executive type, a fat girl with huge tits struggling to see past the taller people infront, and two well-dressed attractive woman (one strongly built woman with short blonde hair, the other shorter, with shoulder length dark-wavey hair – who looks vaguely familiar). Some of the crowd try to hide their faces with a hand, others are quite happy to be seen on camera.

Dennis continues, enjoying the attention, “This week we’ve come to Solihull in the west midlands, to meet a lovely young lady who’s keen to prove that the bond between sisters runs deeper than just blood!”

With the little crowd watching on intently, our host turns to his side and takes a step toward the two woman – the familiar one, and the blonde...

““Ello ladies...”

As both women smile and relax, the rest of the crowd looks at them with a mixture of interest and disdain.

Dennis points at the dark haired, shorter woman... “Now you – I recognise...”

She smiles, nods, and introduces herself... “Yeah ... I’m Becky Millington, I was a guest on series 6...” She puts an arm around the blonde’s wide shoulders and pulls her a few inches forward, then continues, “ ... And I had such a good time, I’ve brought my sister along to have some fun...”

The sister smiles at the comment, then offers her own introduction, “Hello ... My name’s Lauren Jaxon ... I’m 36 years old, I’m from Solihull in the midlands, and I’m here today because I want to have sex with a dog on television!”

“So you’re here, because you saw your sister having sex with a dog on the tele, and you got jealous ... And you want to have fun with one of my fellas here...?” Checks the fat cockney.

The blonde pauses, takes a breath, and attempts to explain herself... “Not exactly ... What actually happened was that my husband, Carl, he doesn’t get on with my sister that well ... And what happened was, we were watching the show – and there she was...”

“No shame!” Adds Becky with a smile.

Lauren continues, “He watches the whole show ... My sister sucking the dog’s cock, licking his arsehole, being fucked, drinking its cum ... He watches it all without making any comment, then at the end he just says, ‘I always knew your sister was a total cunt’ – but that night he gave me the best fuck I’ve ever had! And as he was fucking me, he was asking if I wanted to fuck a dog like my cunt of a sister ... And all I could think was, ‘stop calling Becky a cunt!’

We hear a voice from the crowd comment, “Well she IS a cunt...” – but ignore it.

Lauren continues, “Well ... If he thinks she’s a cunt for doing this – and if that turns him on – I’ll show him who’s a cunt! See if he likes it when the shoe’s on the other foot!” She smirks.

Becky adds, “Or when the dog’s in the other cunt!” and laughs a little. Lauren turns and punches her sister on the shoulder, a little harder than ‘playful’.

“So you’re here to teach your husband a lesson?” Checks Dennis.

“Very much so, yeah ... I’ve been out with his credit cards all morning ... Made a whole day of it ... New outfit...” She holds her arms out to show off her smart attire. “New hair style” – she runs her hand over the short blonde crop. “New make-up...” – she poses, sucking in her cheeks and trying to look sexy – then smiles again, a very pleasant smile. She looks better when she’s not trying to look good. Then she looks down at Casanova and Romeo, “And ... New lifestyle choices!”

Dennis grins broadly and holds out his hands, a dog’s lead in each – offering them to the sisters... “Excellent ... Well, we better get going then ... These boys need a walk to get warmed up – and I think we’ve got a hotel room booked about a mile away! So...” He hands the lead for Casanova to Lauren. “You can take this one...” He turns to Becky and hands her Romeo’s lead, “And you can take this one...” He looks back and forth between the two ladies, and adds, “And a little bit later, if you’re both good girls ... They can take you ... Eh?” He smiles at his comment, as do both sisters.

The five of them - a fat man, two attractive women, and two mean dogs – walk away from the crowd, with a few shoppers following along – either in the hope of seeing something, or simply because that’s the direction their next shop is in. We watch them go for a few seconds, then fade through to a shot of the group arriving at a hotel on the edge of the town centre ... We see them entering, leading the dogs with them ... Then a shot of them at the reception desk, laughing with the reception staff and signing in ... Then a rear shot of the two women walking side-by-side along a corridor, dogs beside them. And then, we’re finally in their hotel room...

Lauren is standing infront of a bed, smiling, slightly out of breath, handing the lead back to Dennis ... Then pulling her top up and over her head revealing a stout, firm body. She’s not fat, but she is solid. Thick from her wide hips up through her strong back and big chest (boobs hidden by a cute – but large - black bra). Then unzipping her skirt at the hip, twisting and dropping the skirt and stepping out of it – matching black panties and stockings, high heel shoes.

We cut away to Becky, still fully dressed and holding a dog’s lead in each hand, two Doberman Pinchers standing by her side, pulling slightly against their leads. Noticing she is being filmed, she looks over at our camera and gives us a look that shows she’s excited and amused by watching her sister undress for dogsex.

Back to Lauren as she runs her fingers over her solid midriff, along the elastic at the top of her panties – looking down at the dogs, talking to Dennis, or the camera, or a bit of both.

“So which one do I play with ... First?” She sounds excited and uncertain. “I mean ... The elephant in the room ... Are they both for me? Or is one of them here for my sis?”

“That’s entirely up to the two of you...” Dennis comments from off camera. “I brought Casanova up here to fuck you – I only brought Romeo up to get some experience – but you can play with him, or let him watch, or share him with your sister ... I don’t care ... Whatever you want to do, he’ll be happy to try ... But ‘e’s not very experienced.”

If anything, this news makes Lauren’s smile broader. “Ooooohhh ... It’s nice to not be the only first timer in the room!” – and then she slips the panties down her strong thighs, showing off the neatest little Brazilian wax possible. Slipping them down over her knees, and down her calves – stepping out of them and throwing them playfully at her sister.

The dogs pull a little harder. Casanova because he knows what pussy looks like – and Romeo because he’s copying his father.

“You can let them go now...” Confirms Dennis.

Becky drops both leads – letting the dogs pull away from her, dragging their leads along behind them as they eagerly hurry over to the big blonde, crowding her legs, sniffing at her pussy and arse. Circling around her, tails wagging, half jumping at her.

“Here boys ... Here!” Snaps Dennis, his voice deep and gruff – not the friendly Dennis we’re used to – this is the controlling dog-handler ... And both dogs immediately snap into order – moving over to Dennis. Casanova following the order, Romeo following the older dog.

Our host turns his attention back to the sisters... “Now ... You’re still looking a little – overdressed...” He says, indicating Lauren’s bra.

Lauren smiles, reaching up to shift her bra – then pausing, crossing the room to her sister and turning around, “Can you help me, sis?” It’s a deliberately suggestive move – involving her sister in her strip.

The younger woman nods, smiling, and reaches up to carefully unhook her bra. Both are smiling, but it’s different smiles – Becky seems amused, whereas Lauren looks excited. As the bra pops loose, Becky keeps hold so as not to fully expose her sister. There’s a sweet moment as Becky whispers, “Here we go...” and Lauren half giggles, “Yeahhh.”

The bra drops away and the boobs are exposed. Large, without being huge, surprisingly perky for a mother-of-two, with small, pointed nipples.

We hear Dennis, from off camera, checking, “Do you take her bra off often?”

Both sisters laugh, “Nooo”, “This isn’t something we’ve ever done before...”, “Ever!” – and they look at each other, sharing an ‘as-if’ look. Then Lauren adds, “Well, maybe when we was teenagers...” Then it’s face-front again...

We cut to Dennis, highlighting his grubby looks, the big belly, the triple-chin, the body-hair sticking out of the neck and sleeves of his football shirt. “Let the games begin!”

The dogs head away from him, scampering over to Lauren again and crowding around her legs for the second time.

She reaches down, trying to calm them – at the same time speaking in an excited tone. Stroking each of their heads. “Hi boys ... Hi ... Who’s first, eh? Who wants to fuck me first?” She laughs.

We cut to a shot of her on the floor, on her back, knees in the air, thighs spread, pussy exposed. The two sleek black dogs standing over her - a flurry of action as they sniff and lick at her face, her tits, her pussy ... The two animals moving back and forth – not knowing where to focus ... Under them, Lauren giggles and twists – reaching down to pat between her thighs, slapping her pussy, trying to encourage the dogs to focus on her snatch.

It’s Romeo who figures out what she wants first – or possibly just gets the right taste at the right time – and starts to lick at her cunt. He immediately buries his snout between her strong thighs and starts to lick at her. Lauren throws her head back against the floor, immediately gasping, “Ohhhhh God!”, as his big tongue makes contact with her wet gash.

As Romeo continues to lick at her pussy, Lauren’s open mouth and gasps attract Casanova, and he finds new focus and starts to lick at her mouth – slopping his tongue over and into it. Our guest raises her hands to steady his head infront of her, almost like a romantic kissing caress – and meets his tongue with hers, all the time wriggling her pelvis to meet the younger dog’s licking.

She’s arching her back and breathing heavy and hard throughout the double-licking ... Writhing as the dog licks at her sloppy pussy lips – his long wet tongue slipping between them ... Her tossing her head back and gasping, “OOaaahhhhhhhh” but managing to keep the kissing going with Casanova.

“Oohhh, you go you filthy cunt!” Encourages Becky, looking like she’s more amused than aroused as she watches her naked sister writhing on the floor with two big black dogs.

The words of her sister, combining with the feeling of a dog’s enthusiastic tongue on her pussy, slopping over her clit again and again, and the perverse sensation of the other dog’s tongue in her mouth and on hers – the slimy feeling as she catches the underside of his tongue between her lips – it all combines to send her toward one of the fastest orgasms in the show’s history ... And who can blame her? There’s not many ladies get to play with two dogs!

Opening her mouth wider, but coughing against the tongue as it slops in and over it, arching her back and writhing – thighs sideways to the floor making sure her pussy is totally exposed ... She’s in heaven and she doesn’t want it to stop...

Becky drops into the side of the frame, onto her hands and knees leaning in over her sister, between the two dogs, distracting them just by being there ... But not interested in them, only interested in talking to her sister. “Having fun, sis?”

Off camera we hear Dennis commenting that, “I don’t think I’ve ever see a girl have more fun!”

He is cut off by the overjoyed gasp/wail of our guest, sitting up past Casanova and letting us know that this is, “AWWE-SSOMMMEE!” – she delivers it in the same tone as her sister delivered her post-fuck verdict several years ago ... Beaming, breathing hard, sweating...

“And they ain’t even fucked you yet!” calls our host from behind the scenes ... A comment that makes both girls look even brighter.

“Wellllll ... Llllet’s fucking get to it then!” Sings Lauren – clearly ready for the next step ... She immediately starts to stand up, wiping a hand over her wet face, and moving over to the bed – legs a little shaky, high heels wobbling against the carpet.

The dogs both follow her, looking up, excited, bumping into each other – tails wagging, mouths open, tongues out...

“You’re going to love this...” Confirmed/encourages Becky, but her sister’s body-language shows that she doesn’t need any support on this – she can’t wait. She seems almost drunk on anticipation as she drops to her knees infront of the bed, leaning forward with her arms stretched out over the mattress, boobs hanging down as she tips forward, big arse presented to our camera, and two dogs ... Laughing as she rests the side of her face against the sheet.

The dogs are already on the job – no encouragement or instructions required – in fact the action is so intense that for a moment we can’t tell which dog in which. Both of them try to mount her rear end, a flurry of legs on her back, over her arse, two dogs interlocking across her – both trying to claim ownership ... Both trying to penetrate – but bumping off each other as much as their big bottomed bitch ... All of which makes Lauren both laugh and gasp – looking up into our dedicated close-up camera with a smile of anticipation.

Her smile growing when her sister shouts, “You lucky bitch!”

Experience triumphs over youthful energy, with Casanova edging his son to the side and taking control of his chunky bitch – centring on her back, his front legs wrapping around under her, his body almost seems to lock into the line of her spine and her big arse-crack – bringing his heavy sheath and the tip of his cock right up behind her big pussy.

He’s pumping and jagging up against her, pulling tighter to her body, thumping his cock up against her pussy, under it, between her chunky thighs – and Lauren is already shouting, “FUCK!” and gasping, before he has managed to penetrate...

Dennis signals Becky to move in closer, to watch, possibly to help – and she doesn’t hesitate, giggling and smiling as she drops down to the floor behind the action – dropping down low enough that she can see the dog’s cock stabbing at her sister’s cunt ... Sighing, “Oooooohh ... I shouldn’t look ... But that’s beautiful...”

We cut to a low angle camera looking up from below – we can see Becky’s smiling face on one side of the screen, her sister’s wet pussy lips shaking on the other side, and the dog’s undercarriage between them – flapping and snapping at it.

“Just fucking stick it in...!” Begs Lauren.

So Becky reaches in, a little nervously, not sure how to do it – then takes hold of the shaft with her fingertips, and ... Just fucking stuffs it in!

Her sister wails, “OOoohhhhhhaaaarrggghhhhHHHHH!” as it snaps into place ... It’s as much a scream of pleasure as of surprise, but it goes on as he begins to thrust at full speed – “AARRHHHH! AAHAHHHH! AAAHHHH!” – loud - every stroke sounding like a surprise, as if she thought the previous one would be the last...

We cut to shot of her face, and her look matches the noises – eyes wide, mouth open, half shock half delight. “AARRGGHH ... AAAHHHH!”

We cut to a wide shot as the big Doberman continues to ream into her, his black behind moving hard and fast, pumping in and out of her – and Lauren does her best to maintain control. She’s gasping, and moaning, and wailing, “AAAHHH AAARRGGHHH!”

Behind her, leaning forward on her hands and knees, still fully-dressed, looking up at the perverted action – Becky is having a great time ... Laughing and whooping along with her sister’s wails. She’s watching the action so closely, that she fails to notice that a very horny younger Doberman is still skipping around looking for someone to fuck ... And her arse, whether covered by her skirt or not, looks like a very good target for him ... Which he proves by stepping forward and trying to mount her – which makes her laugh ... She’s happy to let him try – knowing that her skirt will ‘protect’ her ... In fact, she seems to be taunting him – pushing her arse out, wriggling her behind, letting him try... “OOooohhhh ... Naughty boy ... You want me to play too?”

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We fade in on the face of a man – Mr Average, nothing to shout about, nothing to run away from ... He’s filming himself, selfie-style on a smart-phone camera. He looks excited and full of fun. He speaks, almost whispers, direct to the camera, in a mild Scouse accent, “Dear Charley, my name’s Kyle, and I’d like to nominate my partner, Becky, to be on The United Kingdom of Zoo – because she never stops thinking about having sex with dogs ... And to prove it ... Come with me...” He turns the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e15 Kimberly

“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e18 Rachael

Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E06 Lucinda Glass 46 from Middlesbrough

We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e16 Ava Marvaux 22

from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e19 Belinda

Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e5 Julia Green 56

We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e20 Tina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e7 Siobhan

Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e10 Alison Latham

Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

1 year ago
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  • 15
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e10 Imogen

Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e15 Donna Ferry 51

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......

2 years ago
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  • 15
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e8 Rosie

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...

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