The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We open with an establishing shot of a strange, almost monolithic tower. The lowest few floors are painted white, then the rest of it is blank concrete. There’s a single strip of windows, running from the ground to the sky, right up through the middle of the tower ... It’s only when our camera tracks along the street, looking back at the tower, that we are able to see another side of the building and we can suddenly see a hundred windows and confirm that it is a residential tower. Beside the tower, some flat grass open space, the occasional tree, and a wide road...
We move down to the pathway infront of the tower and watch a motorised scooter approaching – an overweight, balding old lady spilling over the edge of the seat ... Most of our viewers will be praying that this isn’t our guest ... And as we watch her pass our camera, they will be relieved that we look away from her to our host ... And the host is the kind of woman we pray to see on our show ... Sexy, slim, with bolt-on fake tits and long dark hair hanging in curls over her shoulders. She’s dressed in one of her too-small PVC business suits, with those tits doing everything they can to explode out into view ... Beside her, trotting along obediently, her big blue-grey Weimaraner, Logan – who looks up at her with the kind of loyalty that only a dog addicted to pussy can show a woman.
As Renae approaches, she introduces herself and the show in a squeaky, excited sounding accent... “Hello ... And welcome to another edition of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... I’m your host, Renae Russell ... And this is my beautiful big boy Logan ... We come up to Scotland, to Glasgow, to meet a lady who can’t say no, and wants to say yes – to the best...”
We cut to a shot of a woman walking out of the monolithic tower block ... As she walks toward us we note that she’s got a reasonable figure – slightly pear-shaped with a bigger arse/hips than her chest, but the chest looks okay too, bouncing away in her tight white cotton t-shirt despite the dark bra we can see through the thin material. Her hair is long and dark, hanging over her shoulders, and framing a roundish face, with roundish green eyes, a button nose, and a mouth that never quite seems to close, sitting in an open ‘o’ whenever she’s not speaking – her bottom lip hanging down to give her a permanently dumb expression.
She introduces herself in voice-over with a broad Glasweigian accent, clearly reading her lines out loud from notes she has pre-written.
“Maa name is Stephanie Dabizas and I am 26 years old. I am a single mother and I live in Glasgow with my four children. I’ve made too many mistakes in love, and I need to find a way to have fun without relying on stupid men.”
By the time she’s finished her introduction she’s close enough for us to see that she’s not attractive, but at the same time is strangely fuckable. The type of girl you see with good looking guys and wonder why they are with her...
We cut to the inside of the tower block, into Stephanie’s little flat. She’s moving around shouting at her children, making sure breakfast is eaten and bags are packed. As she moves she introduces us to her children (she’s carrying a baby on her hip through-out the intro).
Pointing at a young blonde boy eating cornflakes and swinging his legs under his chair. “That’s Caleb, he’s my little baby-boy ... He’s 4 years old ... Wave for the camera, Caleb...” She calls. The boy looks up, open mouthed, milk spilling over his chin and waves energetically.
In the living room, a cramped room with a wide couch acting as a barrier between the tv area, and a toys-on-the-floor area. An older boy, chocolate skinned with short but frizzy black hair is playing FIFA on a PS4. He ignores us as his mother introduces him. “That’s Darius, he’s 9, he’s my oldest ... You won’t distract him from the FIFA ... Eh Darius ... Darius...!”
Cut to her standing in bedroom doorway. We can see a girl inside, way too young to be worried about what she’s wearing to school, but arguing with her mother anyway. “I need the blue top ... It’s the prettiest one ... Markus likes it ... I need it ... Where is it?”
Then cut to shot of Stephanie following us through the little corridor that links the bedrooms with the kitchen/living areas. “That was Ella ... She’s 6 and she’s already a little tramp, I think ... Just like her mother...” She smiles, part frustrated and part – almost – proud.
Another shot of her standing in the middle of the flat, shouting, “Is everyone ready? Aunty Bec will be here in 5 minutes and everyone needs to be ready!”
The kids continue to do exactly what they want to do.
Cut to outside the tower, with Stephanie waving her three walking age kids goodbye as they are led away by a slightly older woman. Stephanie waves, and shouts a thank you to the lady (who we presume is Aunty Bec).
And then we’re back in the flat, now quiet, with Stephanie sitting on an armchair, with the baby on her knee. “This is Mikayla ... She’s nearly ten months old, and she’s hopefully my last baby...”
Then talking direct to camera, a few minutes later, telling her story. “I’ve got four children, with four different fathers, and none of them have ever met ... I never have any trouble getting a man, because I think they all know I’m a freak in bed. They can always tell. I never say no to anything they want to do. So when they say they don’t like condoms I just let them fuck me without. And then this happens...” She bounces the baby on her knee. “And when I’m a month or two away from dropping, they fuck off...” She looks a little thoughtful.
A different camera-angle. Stephanie looking into her baby’s face as she talks to us, it’s borderline disturbing to hear what she’s saying whilst smiling at the baby. “When I’m with a guy, I try to impress him. My mouth, my pussy, between my tits, up my arse ... I don’t care. Whatever they want – because I keep thinking if I blow his mind, this one will stay ... But they never do. And then when I’m well pregnant, they fuck off and I’m all alone again ... It keeps happening ... And I have to break the cycle...”
Again, bouncing the baby on her knee, she continues to talk about her sex-life and obsessions. “I love to watch UK of Zoo, and see the dogs in action, and I think if a guy asked me to do that, I would, and he’d definitely stay, wouldn’t he? Not too many girls will fuck a dog for you ... And then I thought, if I had a dog to fuck, I wouldn’t need a man anymore. And a dog wouldn’t leave, because they’re loyal ... And that’s why I thought about coming on your show, because I wouldn’t know where else to get started.”
We cut to Renae, deep dimples as she smiles at Stephanie’s comments. “Well, we do try to help damsels in distress ... And you certainly seem to be in distress ... So tell me, with you doing this on tv, do you hope your children’s fathers see you in action, and regret what they’ve thrown away?”
Stephanie thinks for a second, bottom lip hanging down... “No ... I just want to get fucked by the dog ... I don’t care about the men.”
We cut to a shot of the baby laid out in her cot, settled and sleeping, with a dummy in her mouth and a blanket tucked in tight around her ... Then swing up from her to look around the room. It’s not big, just enough for a double bed, a chest of drawers and a full-length mirror on the wall.
There’s a camera mounted on a tripod at the foot of the bed (there’s not enough room there for a cameraman), and a couple of camera/sound crew standing in the room itself. Renae is up against the wall by the door holding an eager Logan by the collar, and Stephanie is on her knees on the bed. Still fully dressed, but already in the process of stripping...
She grabs the bottom of the t-shirt and pulls it up over her head, showing off her dark blue bra, the boobs inside are a reasonable sized, but sag a little in the cups (she’s just finished feeding Mikayla and is a little ‘empty’ ... Reaching around behind her back she unhooks the bra and lets it fall away exposing sagging tits and big nipples that look well-chewed. She doesn’t seem self-conscious about them as she turns to throw her t-shirt across the room.
Her jeans are next – rolling back off her knees onto her arse, then her back, as she unbuckles the belt and unbuttons the jeans, then wriggles them over wide hips and down slim thighs, showing off a matching blue g-string ... Once she’s out of the jeans, she reaches up and grabs the g-string, pulling that down her thighs and showing off her bald pussy, and long, apparently loose labial lips which are long/loose enough that we notice them in this relatively brief shot...
She rolls back onto her knees and spreads her arms wide, dropping her arse to the sheet between her heels – and blows welcoming kisses to Logan...
“Ready...” She calls.
“Are you sure?” Questions Renae. “Just to be clear ... This big doggy of mine is going to come over there and fuck you stupid ... And then fill you up with his doggy spunk...”
We note that Stephanie is smiling and breathing harder as Renae increases the tension...
Renae continues, “And I guarantee you that he’s not going to call you in the morning!” She giggles a little at the statement of fact.
“That’s alright ... I’m used to that...” Confirms Stephanie ... Clicking her fingers and waving him in again ... Renae releases his collar – and the big beast rushes toward our guest, leaping straight up onto the bed and immediately pushing up against the dark-haired slut.
She grabs his collar with one hand and wraps the other around his shoulder, and whilst she tries to keep control over him, he’s having none of it - wriggling free and licking at her face, slopping his big wet tongue around her chin and cheeks, over her nose and mouth. She gasps as he licks, closing her eyes and tipping her head forward, moving her mouth within range of his – letting him slop his tongue across it ... Parting her lips to let him lick inside. Giving her mouth to him ... Letting him lick her again and again, his tongue exploring deep ... Almost making her cough ... Her pushing back with her tongue, pushing it out and letting him lick that instead of into her mouth.
She pushes him away and lifts her head a little, mouth open, sticking her tongue out to tempt him in again – “Yeah? Yeah? Come on ... Kisses ... Lick me ... Mmmmmm ... You love me, don’t you, doggy...?”
He follows in, planting a few more sloppy licks across her mouth, tongue slotting into and out of her mouth, over her tongue ... Making her gag, making her gasp, making her squeal with delight... “OOOoohhhh yeeaaaasss!”
As the face licking continues, she takes a tit in each hand and begins to fondle herself, squeezing the soft flesh and pinching the long nipples ... Barely a couple more seconds of kissing and the dog suddenly stops, pulling away from her face and dropping his head down to her tits ... Licking at her nipples...
We cut to a close-up of his huge tongue sweeping over her nipples and realise that as she’s pinching and squeezing herself, a little breast-milk is leaking out, and the dog clearly likes it more than her saliva covered tongue...
She works one tit, then the other, having to pinch and pull her drained mammaries hard to get a couple of small drops for the beast ... He switches from one to the other, each lick making her arch her back and gasp a little as she milks herself for him ... Keeping it going for a minute or so before there’s no more milk – and after a few taste-less licks, he pulls his big head back, then drops it further looking for another taste - trying to snout his nose between her thighs...
Stephanie reacts by leaning backwards onto her elbows – knees in the air, thighs spread, stretching her thighs out as wide as she can to afford him full access to her hot honey pot, biting her lip and holding her breath as he begins to lick at her cunt ... A cunt which looks like it’s been fucked a thousand times ... Looking loose, with long lips which almost hang open. Not quite, but almost.
The dog drops down to a lower position, his cold nose up next to her hot flesh – long tongue slopping over it, between her lips and slipping/sliding deep into it...
She lets out a whimper and leans back further until her shoulder blades are on the sheets, her knees wide – her body shaking as he licks her ... Holding herself still, muscles tensed, for as long as she can before the strain gets too great – and she begins to convulse and buck against his licking ... Which seems to make it more of a game for him, skipping around over her, licking – then following her pelvis as she bucks and twists, slopping his tongue over her cunt as she wriggles...
She brings her hands up to her soft tits as squeezes/rubs them again as he’s licking her ... Pinching and pulling at her nipples – enhancing her excitement as she continues to gasp and whimper under the assault – maybe hoping for some more milk to keep the dog happy...
As the dog continues licking, our guest’s legs start to shake, as do her hands, fingers still pinching her nipples ... Her face begins to tense up, her breathing gets ragged. She catches herself mid-breath, holds the breath ... Waits ... Shaking ... And then ... Just as Logan turns his head to the side to allow deeper penetration with his wide tongue...
She gasps, more a growl, releases her tits and reaches down to place her fingertips on his head – shaking harder, gasping, growling ... Infront of our eyes, as she writhes and arches her back, we see her breaking out all over, full body sweat. Turning red ... Legs shaking...
With her face shining and her eyes bulging, Stephanie looks like she’s about to explode ... And then she does – “WWoooooooooooooooooooo-aaaahhhh-ha-hah-ha-ha-haaaa...”, descending into involuntary laughter as she pulls her thighs together, pushing the dog away and rolling to the side... “OOoooohhhhh ... Fuuccckkk-iinngggg heee-eellll...” and more laughter...
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“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...