The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We fade in on the exterior of a large shopping mall. A sign high on one end of the building reads ‘THE ROCK’, with a list of the major stores below (M&S, Debenhams, Primark, H&M, Next).
Cars and busses whizz but on the wide round outside.
We cut to the inside...
Looking around we see hundreds of shoppers moving from store-to-store – and we check out the store-fronts of all those major stores ... Finally coming to rest on our host – a big, fat, hairy, ugly bloke, in a West Ham shirt with ‘#UKofZoo’ where the sponsors name should be on the chest. He has no dog with him today – mall management wouldn’t allow him to bring the beast.
He introduces himself, and the show, in his gruff Cockney accent... “‘Ello ... My name’s Dennis Baxter – and this is ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’...” He walks on, slightly out of breath from the exertion of walking and talking at the same time. “I’ve travelled up norf, to Bury, just outside Manchester, to meet a young lady – who, in a way, is almost a part of the family...”
He shrugs, coming to a stop infront of our camera. “Speaking of family ... Just doin’ a spot of window shoppin’ for the wife...” He nods toward the store he’s stopped outside – a boutique lingerie store.
We cut inside the store and see a young blonde woman in a tight skirt and blouse combo, measuring a larger lady’s chest – standing infront of her bringing the ends of a tape-measure together, smiling and joking with the customer.
Her hair is long and straight, coming half-way down her back, mostly blonde but the roots are dark at the centre parting. She’s not the prettiest girl we’ve had on the show – her features just a little harsh, and wearing a little too much make-up ... But by the standards of the woman in the street – she rates well.
We hear her introduce herself in voice-over, her accent northern but well-spoken. “Hello ... I’m Mariah Hibbitt, I’m 21 years old, and I’m from Bury ... And I suppose you could say that having sex with dogs is in my genes!”
As she continues with her introduction, we see a montage of her helping out various shoppers – helping them pick out items, making recommendations, chatting to prettier ladies...
“I had a bit of a confusing upbringing ... My father is an Anglican minister, and always had very old-fashioned values, but my mother was very much the ‘do as you please’ type of parent. I think my father even gets embarrassed about me working here. He says I sell clothes, I don’t think he’s comfortable saying ‘lingerie’ out loud, as if it’s a dirty word ... If he knew what I got up to with some of the customers...” She lets out a little laugh, meanwhile, on screen, we see her jokingly fondling a customer’s boobs, ‘demonstrating’ the proper support a bra can offer...
We cut to a shot of her talking direct to camera, with no customers in the shop. She looks a little more serious and thoughtful as she continues her introduction, “My mother grew up down south, and moved up here with my father before I was born. She was obviously in love with him, but she sometimes talked about the frustrations of life, how sometimes to be with the man you love, you have to give up the things you love ... I was never sure what she meant until after she died ... My father was a bit of a mess, so I took responsibility for sorting through her private possessions...”
She raises a handful of carefully stacked Polaroid photos, the front picture showing another young blonde, stripped to bra and panties, on the floor hugging a Doberman. “I found a bunch of pictures of her, ‘playing’ with a dog – and in some of the pictures there’s a man – and I swear I recognised him...”
She takes a picture from the back of the stack, and we can see a semi-familiar figure holding a dog by the collar as it pulls together the aforementioned semi-naked young blonde – it looks like a younger version of Dennis, and the dog he’s holding by the collar looks a lot like Casanova. “I wouldn’t dream of showing the other pictures on camera – but my mother was definitely sexually active with the dog ... More than once based on the lingerie she’s wearing ... And ever since I saw the pictures, I’ve found myself wanting to do it too...”
We cut to a close-up of her, talking right into camera again. “The more I looked at the pictures, the more convinced I got that she was with Dennis ... And the more I felt like I should be with one of Dennis’s dogs, just like her ... So I’m here today to ask the UK of Zoo ... If the man in the picture is Dennis ... And if he is, can I have sex with Casanova like my mum did?” She half laughs, but we can see how seriously she’s taking this.
We cut to a wider view to see Dennis rounding the corner and walking into the shop, opening his arms wide and smiling as he approaches the young blonde ... She smiles as he approaches, then almost starts to cry as she steps toward him and gives him a big welcome hug.
Then we cut to a shot of the two of them side-by-side, with Dennis looking through the Polaroids and nodding, whilst Mariah hangs on his every word. She spends the interview looking up at him, and Dennis isn’t the tallest – she’s five foot tall, max.
“Yeah ... Yeahh ... I remember Jenny ... I knew your mother ... Not as well as Cas knew ‘er ... But I knew her quite well...” He looks at another image. “Don’t I look young? Still a fat bastard, but a younger not-as-fat bastard!” He laughs to camera.
Next, he’s talking to his increasingly emotional young guest, “Your mother was one of the first girls who we let play with Casanova ... She used to work with my wife at Boots the Chemist, and I think she caught my wife developing some pictures after hours – and one fing led to another...”
“Did she do it more than once?” Asks our guest, keen to find out how much of a dogslut her mother was.
Dennis smiles, “Ohhhh, yeahhh ... She fucking loved it! She was round every week for about a year ... She tried everything wif ‘im ... My wife used to call her Three-B’s, the beautiful blonde bitch ... She loved it ... And then she met someone and she sort of said, thanks for the fun time, but I’ve got to grow up ... I never forget it – My wife told ‘er, “Sometimes you ‘ave to give up the fings you love for the man you love...”
Mariah brings a hand up to her mouth, shocked that her mother’s line came from Dennis’s wife. She gathers herself, and then confirms, “So, she definitely had sex with you dog ... With Casanova...”
Dennis nods, “Yeah ... Well ... That was the original Casanova ... There’s been Casanova Junior, and Casanova the ‘Fird since then ... And ‘e’s getting so long in the tooth he’s ready to retire now...”
“Hopefully he’s not ready to retire just yet...” Begs the blonde. “I think the idea of being with the grand-son of the dog that my mother had sex with, that will make me feel a lot closer to her...”
She looks up at Dennis with a lot of hope in her big blue eyes, and he responds with a knowing look. We fade out – and then back in on...
We’re looking out of the front windscreen of a moving car – up ahead, a little Toyota Yaris races through the streets of Bury ... We can see the driver’s long blonde hair. A bumper sticker reads, “NOT ALL DUMBS ARE BLONDE”. It’s Mariah’s car of course.
We can hear Dennis talking from the driver’s seat, and pan away from the front view to look at him as he drives. “So, we’re following the little lady home right now ... It’s a bit of a strange feeling, I’ve got to say ... Over two decades ago I used to watch her mother fuck my dog ... And now, I’m going to watch her do it ... It’s like, the circle is complete ... It’s a beautiful way to bring Casanova’s ‘career’ to an end...”
He looks over his shoulder into the back-seat, and we turn to look in the back as well, seeing the Doberman in the caged rear of the car. Dennis continues, “I wonder how she’ll react when she meets you, eh? Big boy ... Beast!” The dog looks around, not a clue what’s going on.
We cut to – Mariah’s family home. We’ve got the place to ourselves because her father is at work - and knowing that ‘work’ is the local church makes this all that extra bit sexy ... It’s a nice middle class house with a driveway long enough for two cars. Her Yaris, and Dennis’s Jaguar (he’s done pretty well from appearing on our little show for the last few years).
She climbs out of her car, looking excited, stroking blonde hair behind her ears and waiting for Dennis to emerge from his car – or to be more accurate, waiting for him to introduce her to his dog...
Dennis emerges, steps to the back-door, and looks up, “Young lady ... Your muvva once ‘ad a lover ... A sublime canine, who blew her mind ... And she blew ‘im right back ... Dirty who-er loved it ... May I present the beast from the East End, the grand-son of your muvva’s canine lover ... The one and only, Casanova the fird...!”
Our guest looks like she’s about to scream, or faint, it’s hard to tell ... Breathing hard as our host opens the rear door of the car and the big dog lurches out onto the driveway...
He runs a circle of the garden, bouncing around, enjoying his freedom – then zeroes in on the blonde ... Sensing fresh meat, he turns and rushes toward her. His approach makes her nervous, but not afraid, taking a couple of steps back, reaching forward with her hands to stroke his head and neck, then making a fuss over him... “Oooohh, hello boy ... Hello ... Hello there...”
She looks up from him, toward Dennis, as she strokes him, and comments that, “I can’t believe this is happening ... His grand-daddy, fucked my mummy ... Wow ... He’s ... This is so real now ... I can’t believe it...”
She continues fussing over him as Dennis confirms that, “It’s about to get a lot more real too...” – and she looks up at him again, and gives the broadest, filthiest smile ... And we cut inside to the girl’s bedroom...
Inside, the preacher’s daughter is already stripped down to lingerie set that must rival anything she sells at the store. A red lace bra with angled cups, red lace suspender belt, the briefest red lace panties, and sheer black stockings that reach right to the top of her thighs, reminding us that she’s quite short. Her flesh is smooth, nicely tanned (not too tanned), flat belly, round boobs held in those sexy bra cups...
It’s an 8/10 body – not quite hard, not quite curvy ... But well-toned and nicely proportioned ... The face, as we’ve said before, is just a little harsh – the nose a little too pointed, the lips a little thin, the jaw strong, the forehead large. There’s nothing ugly about her – she’s pretty – just not a stunner. 7/10.
Dennis confirms our earlier thoughts about her body – “Your mother had a great body ... But you ... Yours is much better than hers ... Or maybe I’m just getting old...”
Mariah smirks, happy with the compliment, as she reaches behind her back and unfastens the bra, letting it fall forward and the slipping the shoulder straps off and down her arms, freeing firm, young boobs, round and perky enough that they barely needed the bra.
She reaches down and takes the sides of her panties between thumb and fore-finger, then pauses and looks up, “What sort of things was my mother into?”
As she slips the panties down her smooth legs, Dennis tells her a more details about her mother than a girl should ever know. “She loved to just let him fuck her ... She’d stay in position and let him mount her three of four times in a row ... She loved the knot ... God, she’d swear when she was knotted ... And she liked to suck his cock too...”
“Really?” Checks our guest, standing in nothing but stockings, a suspender belt, and high heels. “There was a picture of that ... But I kind of thought it was just a picture ... Like something you do for a picture, rather than something you love...”
“Oh, noooo ... She loved it ... Expert dog-cock-sucker was your mum ... I fink she probably enjoyed that more than being knotted, to be honest ... You should try...” It’s hard to tell whether Dennis is telling the truth, or whether he’s just particularly keen to see this blonde slut sucking his dog’s cock...
“Ohh ... I’m sure I will ... I want to at least try it ... I want to try it all...”
We fade through to a minute later, with Mariah moving back to the bed, sitting down infront of it, her back against it, legs apart, and beginning to finger herself quite aggressively, two, then three fingers, disappearing into her cunt, twisting her arm to push deeper into herself. Very soon she’s all-but fisting herself ... Loosening that pussy up for the big-dicked dog that’s about to be unleashed on her.
“Oh, I love it ... Working my pussy ... Working my cunt...” She talks big, but despite her look – the hard body, the blonde hair, the sexy attitude, she comes off sounding like she’s trying too hard.
Dennis drops the leash, and gives his Doberman the signal, and the sleek beast races across to his new bitch, dragging the leash along behind him – dropping his head ground level, sniffing the floor around her pussy as much as the pussy itself – trying to figure out where the carpet ends and the fun begins ... He finds it, and begins to lick at the sexy slut’s pussy, and her inner thighs on either side, as well as over the back of her hand as she continues to play with herself ... She lets out a nervous laugh, and gasps, “OOooohhhh!” as she slowly slips her fingers out and moves them out of the way, letting the beast lick her pussy direct...
This immediately makes her back arch against the bed, her pussy moving up and down on the carpet – the dog’s head following it. She brings her pussy-soaked fingers to her mouth and sucks on them whilst squeezing a firm tit with the other hand ... Then, as the dog licks on, she brings the hand from her lips down to her other tit, pinching her nipples hard with wet fingers – keeping her legs wide so that Casanova can continue to lick her sloppy pussy.
She rolls to the side, letting her back slip down the side of the bed until she is flat on the floor, one knee up against the side of the bed, the other leg spread as far away from the bed as she can get it ... She’s squeezing her round tits, pulling on her nipples, and biting her top lip hard enough that we’re worried she might bite though it, her head back against the carpet, blonde hair spread out behind her, looking up at the ceiling, then pushing back so she can look behind her, making sure Dennis is still close-by and watching over her ... And the beast licks on – his big tongue going fast and sloppy all over her pussy lips, her clit, and deep inside ... Driving her on ... She gasps and moans throughout.
She’s already close to her orgasm – so close ... And then Dennis comments that, “You’re muvva used to love that...” – and his words, or the connections they make in the young blonde’s head are enough to send her over the top, arching her back, her body shaking ... Gasping silently, and then bucking her hips up so violently that Casanova jumps back ... She replaces his tongue with her fingers, rubbing/slipping/sliding them over her wet pussy super-fast, making sure she finishes what the dog started...
Casanova skips backward, then returns to her – excited and hopping around as she bucks and writhes – trying to lick her pussy but getting the back of her hand instead ... His resumed attention enhancing things for Mariah whether he makes contact with her clit or not!
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Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...
Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...
Series 4, Episode 10: IMOGEN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Then we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old fashioned English resort town - windy, cold and rainy,...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – dropping all the way down to the North Sea, just off the coast ... Reaching sea level in a few seconds. From here we race toward the coast, between two piers, under a couple of bridges, and up a wide and winding river ... Under an old steel bridge, over a new concrete bridge, then deep inland ... At speed ......
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home... Now we’re at a railway station, a big, clean and vibrant space. A sign on the wall reads ‘BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET’. It’s a large modern space, with...