The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary series s4e16 Olivia
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We begin this week’s show with a tracking shot, moving along a row of orange brick buildings, and then at the end of the street rounding a corner to see a very different kind of building ... A five story, white/grey brick 1990s apartment building with balconies and window aplenty.
And standing infront of the building, walking toward us, the ultimate odd couple ... The fat old Cockney bloke, and his sleek young Doberman ... Dennis Baxter and Romeo. Both dedicated to the pleasuring of willing women...
Dennis is short, fat and hairy, but balding on the top of his head, and almost physically incapable of looking good. Despite his weight, he wears his shirt tight – almost proudly showing off his big belly and man-boobs. Beside him, Romeo is a lean, muscular beast with a shiny black coat...
They continue to walk toward the camera, and Dennis begins to introduce the show – out of breath the second he starts talking ... His broad, gravelly East End accent, “‘Ello ... Welcome to ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... I’m Dennis Baxter...” He looks down at his dog, “And this is my boy Romeo ... Romeo is a fourth-generation lady lover – his father, grand-father, and great-grandfather before ‘im ‘ave always fucked ladies ... And today, he’s here to fuck another...!
He stops infront of our camera, pokes his thumb back over his shoulder, pointing back at the apartment building... “Inside this classy looking building, is a classy looking lady ... With a filthy, dirty, perverted fantasy ... And she’s decided she can’t go another day without making it real...”
We cut to inside a very clean, very classy looking apartment. White carpets, white furniture, white walls. It’s like John Lennon’s wet dream. And sitting in the middle of a three-seater couch (white, of course), is this week’s guest...
If the room is Lennon’s wet dream, then the lady (from the neck down at least) is ours ... Slim but with what appears to be a tremendous rack – her low-cut red dress split wide enough for us to see a deep valley of cleavage – and a full inch wide gap between grapefruit-sized, and natural-looking, tits ... Above that a slim neck heading up to a youthful looking face – she’s not exactly beautiful, her thin lips and sharp looking teeth making her look a little animalistic, but with a chest like hers not too many will spend too long looking at the face. That’s sexist, and a little cruel, but here in the UK of Zoo we live in the real world!
She addresses the camera with the confident tone of an educated woman who’s used to having the world fall at her feet. “Hello ... My name’s Ella Brennan - I’m 34 years old, and I’m from Colchester ... I think bestiality is the most natural thing in the world – and ... I can’t wait to try it...”
There’s a sly smile as she talks, like she knows she’s driving men crazy by being so blasé about having sex with an animal.
We pull back to a wider shot, and see our host sitting to her side on a nice armchair, with that handsome hound sitting neatly between his legs, looking toward our guest with a look on his face that suggests even he likes a good pair of tits.
With his scruffy, hairy look, and his fat body, Dennis looks totally out of place in this room – his dog on the other hand, looks almost elegant, and completely at home in the classy surrounds.
Dennis raises his microphone, looks toward camera and asks his guest, “A beautiful home for a beautiful lady ... Can you give us some more of an idea about why we’re here today?”
Ella answers in a very matter-of-fact manner, “I’m here to have sex ... With a dog...”
“And does that turn you on?” Asks Dennis.
“Absolutely ... It’s a very sexy idea ... And I love sexy ideas.” She has the confident body language of a woman who’s always been desired, and always had her own way.
“How long have you been having ideas like this, about dogs...?”
“It’s been quite a while ... I don’t know exactly. My partner asked if I had ever thought about doing it – and I remember thinking that I had ... I don’t know when the first time was ... It always just seemed normal...” She pauses, then continues – explaining herself but not in a defensive way... “I think it’s a very natural thing to do ... Sex is very natural ... Animals like to fuck, I like to fuck...”
We leave the words hanging in the air – she appears to be genuinely unaffected by the concept of bestiality – like this is the most natural thing in the world and everyone should be doing it. She senses that we’re waiting for more, like our silence is us doubting what she’s saying...
She adds, “If it feels good, and it’s not hurting anyone ... How can there be anything wrong with it? They don’t care if I’m not a dog, so why should I care that they aren’t human...?”
Dennis offers his input, “In my experience ... Most of the women I’ve introduced to dogsex, have been most turned on by the fact that it’s such a dirty, kinky, perverted thing to do ... It’s unusual to find someone who wants to do it because it’s ‘natural’ ... I can tell you, I’ve been up close watching dogs fuck women hundreds of times, and it’s not natural...”
Ella shrugs again, a clear I-don’t-care move. She’s used to having things her way. “I can’t comment for anyone else ... Only for myself ... And for me ... This is a very natural thing. It’s no more strange or perverted than sleeping with a woman instead of a man...”
“And ‘ave you ever slept with a woman instead of a man?” Checks Dennis.
Ella pauses, pursing her lips, then smirking a little, “No, actually ... I’ve never tried that ... And it doesn’t interest me ... I suppose I prefer a penis over a pussy – even if it’s a dog’s penis!!” She pauses, then smiles a little, and admits, “Especially if it’s a dog’s penis!”
“Well then...” Chuckles Dennis, “Don’t let me keep you from my dog’s penis...”
And we cut to a shot of Ella standing infront of her couch ... Flipping the left shoulder of her dress off, letting it fall down to around her elbow, the front falling off her large left breast, revealing that it’s just about perfect. Full and round, heavy but firm. All natural. With a large pink nipple that is almost flat to the breast.
She doesn’t pause or make a big deal of it, comfortable with her own nudity, simply switching to her other shoulder and flipping the dress off that side, letting it fall all the way to the floor around her feet. The right boob is as good as the left! We’re looking at a stunning body. Pale, smooth, slim, with long, strong-looking legs, and those amazing tits ... The only mystery remaining is what she’s keeping inside that scarlet lace panties...
She takes the sides and casually slips them down, showing off a thick, but neatly tended thatch of dark pubic hair. As she steps out of them, we are left with a stunning sight – great body, great legs, amazing boobs, and all she’s wearing now are a pair of four-inch heels. She has, without a doubt, one of the top 10 bodies we’ve ever seen on our show.
She turns and looks right at us, holding her arms out to wide, palms toward us, like she’s waiting for a warm hug – with her narrow waist and big, round, young tits standing up so proud, we’d certainly love to hug her ... But the angle of her head, down toward the dog, and the nervous slant to her smile, confirms to us that she’s here for Romeo, not us...
Dennis gives his boy the signal and the sleek beast rushes right over to our guest - looking up at her as he gets close, then jumping up at her ... With her arms out wide, she has no defence, so when his paws hit her belly he knocks her over, back onto the couch...
Ella squeals with surprise as she falls – and the dog follows her, jamming his snout up between her thighs – making the squeal rise even higher ... A clear smile on her thin lips showing us that it’s a happy scream, not a scared scream...
She instinctively brings her thighs together and pushes his head away. Then, as the muscular beast heads off for a lap of the room – she realises what she’s done (pushing away the dog she came here to fuck), sits upright again, and beckons him toward her again... “Come on, then...”
She leans toward him, those big tits of her hanging and swinging off her ribs as she reaches out. The dog immediately starts toward her again, and she reacts by quickly flipping herself over – her knees down onto the floor, bending forward with her elbows on the seat cushion, and her tits hanging down against it. Her pussy, smooth and tight, pushes back between her slim thighs – looking good enough to eat ... The glistening slot down the middle showing how ready she is.
Romeo moves in closer, sniffing and licking at her soft pussy lips, smearing them around under the pressure of his long tongue, making her jump, then squirm, wriggling her hips slowly as he licks. She opens her mouth and lets out the quietest, and shortest little “Ah!” exclamation, then she bites down on her bottom lip and tips her head back, closing her eyes and letting the moment soak in.
“Good boy ... Good boy ... Lick that cunt ... Lick it...” Encourages our host, his rough voice and strong accent muffled and sounding almost calming.
Ella breathes hard as the dog continues to lick, angling her back down, pushing her belly out, and letting her pussy push back between her smooth thighs – presenting it to the dog for more licking ... Letting out a little “Ah” sound as he digs in deeper.
We move to a wider angle, watching as the dog licks her pussy, then raises his head and moves forward – as if to mount her, has second thoughts and goes back to licking for a little longer – then moves forward again ... His chest against her arse, front legs lifting and scraping against her thighs - rearing up onto his hindlegs, pushing his chest over her arse, sliding forward onto her back, his front legs wrapping around her narrow waist, crossing under her little belly.
Ella gasps as his weight pushes down on her, gasping “Oh ... Please...” – turning her head dead ahead, locking her body shape, tensing up ... Bracing herself...
We cut to a low-angle shot – watching the pink tip of his rapidly hardening cock as it stabs against her pussy lips a few times – fast and wet, and then ... Inside...
“Ah ... Oh ... Yes ... Yeesss...!” Moans Ella, as we cut to see her face glowing, eyes twinkling, jaw hanging slightly open – thrilled by the instant of penetration, “Oh yes ... Fuck me doggy ... Fuck me...”
Dennis moves in close, dropping down to look up between their legs, moving Romeo’s tail aside so we can get a better shot of his glistening thick shaft slamming in and out of this hot bodied slut – offering his boy encouragement the whole time, “Good boy ... Go on my son! Fuck the slut ... Fuck that cunt...”
Under the beast, on the receiving end of that rock hard tool, struggling to breathe through the excitement of her debut dogcock, her perfect tits wobbling and swinging under her, our guest joins in with her host’s encouragement, “Oh yes ... Fuck my cunt ... Fuck me ... Ooohh ... Fuck...”
We’ve barely got into the flow of the fuck before it comes to an abrupt stop – the dog leaning back, pushing his hindquarters in at her tight little arse, holding himself close – buried inside her...
The volume of her gasps increases, as does the pitch, “OOhh ... OOOoooohhh God ... Oooohh, that’s getting ... Biggg!!” She’s smiling as she gasps, looking back over her shoulder, trying to see the dog on her back ... Eyes on fire ... Then dropping her head forward, and down to the couch, resting it on the seat...
As she drops her head to the cushion, the dog relaxes a little and lets his head drop to her shoulder blade ... Still holding tight, but looking comfortable – like he’s done the hard bit and can just settle down and relax now.
We cut back to that low angle shot of her pussy – watching the flesh of his labia slowly wrapping around the freshly formed knot at the base of the dog’s cock, swallowing it up – locking it inside her perfect body...
We take particular note of the dog’s pulsing balls and puckering arsehole ... Enjoying the thought that right now, every pulse and pucker means that another hot little squirt of doggy semen is being shot into this bitch’s belly.
She reaches back with one hand, taking grip of one of the dog’s hindlegs, making sure he stays right where he is. Then, taking her weight across the front of her shoulders and the side of her face, her big tits still hanging down, she reaches back with the other hand and takes hold of the back of his other thigh ... Holding him tight against her...
With her head to the side facing our camera, we move in for a close-up as she whispers, “I can feel him cumming inside me.” Moaning, “It’s sooooo hot ... I love it ... Oooohhhhh...” And then shifting her head slightly, addressing the dog over her shoulder rather than the camera, “Good boy ... Gooooooood...”
From her knees on the floor, up her smooth thighs, to her peach perfect arse – bending forward, big black dog on her back; her flat belly parallel with the floor, her big tits hanging down – the top of her chest against the seat cushions, her arms back down her sides to grip the dog’s thighs ... It looks almost too good to be true ... But no matter how good it looks – it’s the fact that she’s enjoying it so much that really sets the scene into the top level of our shows. The constant smile, the sparkle in her eye, the non-stop gasped moans...
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We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...
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Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...
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Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...
As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...
Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...
Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...
We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...
Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...
Series 2, Episode 20: Nigella Focus on a friendly 30-something woman standing outside a small reception venue. Her dyed blonde hair is pulled back behind a double-pierced ear with two rings through the lobe, then falls casually over her company uniform, a dark blue blouse and skirt combination coupled with a moderate heeled shoe. Smart, but comfortable. The uniform doesn’t give much away about what is hidden beneath, but from a quick appraisal we can judge that she’s carrying a few extra...
We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...
Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...
We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...
Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...
We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...
We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...
Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...
We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...
We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...
Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...
We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...
Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...
Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...