The United Kingdom Of Zoo (A Fake BBC Documentary Series)S14, E04 - Joy Taylor (26), From Hamilton free porn video

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We begin this week’s show with an establishing shot of a suburban district in a cold town ... We turn through 180 degrees, passing over boring two-story homes, grey streets, a few small trees, and coming to rest on a sprawling red brick building. A simple, but oversized, steel cross mounted on the front of the building tells us that this is a church. It’s built in that particularly angular style that was popular in the late 1970s, with an empty car park infront of it. We move over a sign that confirms that it’s “ST PETER’S CHURCH”.

A big caption appears, filling almost the whole screen, “HAMILTON, SCOTLAND.”

The caption fades, and then we see a man standing to the side of the church – it’s the edgy, stocky tough-guy figure of our new host from Scotland – the white-haired, not-so-friendly, Andy Boss ... And down by his side, not one – but two – huge, hairy, German Shepherd dogs. One all black (Bucky), the other with a few patches of tan on his chest (Butchy).

He introduces himself with a Scottish accent, west coast, mild and very easy to understand. “Hallo, and welcome to another episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ ... I’m your new host, Andy Boss ... And I’m the happy owner of these two magnificent monsters ... I won’t be bringing them both along every time I’m on the show – but this week, for my, and their, debut on the show, we’ve got a very special dirty little cunt who specifically requested some double-trouble...”

He smirks at his introduction as we cut to see this week’s guest walking through the car park toward us. She’s a fine-looking young lady – slim, with whiter-than-white skin, and long blonde hair tied up into a tight ponytail. Her face is just about as angular as the church behind her, but we’re barely looking at it – because of the way she’s dressed...

She slinks through the car park in a skin-tight black dress, it’s cut so low, and dips so deep, that we fully expect to see her firm young, beautifully round (and very white) tits popping out at any moment. Her walk is enhanced by platform heeled shoes that she looks like she might fall off - between the platform soles and the high-heels, it’s a long way down.

She has the kind of face that really confuses ... An almost triangular mouth, a straight bottom lip, with the top lip angling up to the middle under her nose to show off her front teeth. A pointy little nose with almost slot-like nostrils, almost inhumanly big blue eyes. Somehow – all put together, this strange collection of features works – giving her an other-worldly alien look ... But it’s a sexy alien.

She introduces herself in a sprightly, well-spoken Scottish accent, not far from Andy’s, but sexier due to its nerves and uncertainty. “Hallooo ... My name’s Joy Taylor, I’m 26, and I’m from Hamilton in Scotland ... And ... I’m turned on by dogsex!”

We cut to a shot of Andy and his two big dogs, waiting as the young blonde walks up to them, stopping a couple of meters short so that they can talk. She looks down at the dogs as she talks to our host, breathing heavily, a little smile flickering over her strange mouth as she eyes them up ... She’s quite clearly excited to be in their presence.

Andy greets her with a smile and a nod, rather than a handshake or cheek-kiss – the two dogs making her just about nervous enough not to get too close to him. He half chuckles at her nerves as he greets her. “Hello there, Joy...”

“Hallooo...” She smiles, hands behind her back, shoulders back, pushing her chest forward to the point we once again think (hope) her full, young boobs might pop out.

“I’d start by asking what a nice girl like you is doing on a show like this, but...” He smiles, giving his guest a condescending look up and down, “Ahhh ... We already know you’re not a nice girl, don’t we...?”

“Yeah ... I guess soo...” She giggles. Doing that faux innocent thing hot girls sometimes try.

“Right...” Starts Andy, pointing to the camera. “Tell the nice people at home – why do you WANT to get fucked by TWO dogs!”

She turns toward camera and we get another frontal shot of her, the front of her dress plunging down to show off credit-card worthy cleavage as her mid-sized, but perfectly formed tits try to squeeze out. Taking a nervous breath and then smiling again before she speaks.

“It’s really very simple ... I love porn ... I’m obsessed wi’ it ... I watch it all the time ... And I love to act out the scenes wi’ my boyfriend ... And I’ve watched a lot of dogsex videos – not just your show ... All that stuff on the internet too ... And there’s something about dogsex ... Just the way it looks, the noises the girls make ... It’s so brutal and fast ... And dirty ... It’s so much hotter than the other porn ... It’s animals!” She smiles again, a little flustered as she looks down and the German Shepherds and thinks about what she’s here to do... “And I always watch them and think those girls are so bad – just filthy sluts ... Beyond dirty ... And I get jealous – because no matter what my boyfriend does, he’s no’ a dog...”

“Do you watch the videos with your boyfriend?” Asks Andy.

Joy does the innocent look again, “Yeah ... He got me started on them...”

Our host continues, “And what does he think about you loving them?”

Joy smiles again, and confirms, “He likes it ... He likes that I like it, and he likes that it was him that turned me onto it...”

Andy smirks, as if he already knew that answer, and pushes on, “So he’s happy that you’re here today?”

She nods, “Oh yeah ... He suggested it ... He said if I’m gonnae dee it, I should dee it on tv and let everyone know I’m that dirty!”

“I see ... He’s a bad boy, your boyfriend ... Most boys – if they had a girl that looked like you, they wouldn’t want to share ... But he wants the whole world to know you’re a slut...”

She smiles, and looks away from the camera, a moment of shyness – so Andy continues, “And was it his idea for you to ask for two dogs?”

She looks up again and nods, “Aye ... He said I should go for maximum slutty! Two’s better than one!”

“Does he like seeing you go maximum slutty, does he? Has he got you into threesomes before?” He doesn’t let her answer before he continues, “I bet you’ve done them, you look like the type ... Let me rephrase, when was the last time you had a threesome...?”

She smiles, a little bit shy again, a little bit proud. “Well ... I’ve had a few threesomes, but always with, like – ma boyfriend and another girl ... I’ve never had two guys before. Two cocks...”

“So you’re bisexual?” Checks Andy with a knowing smirk.

“No...” Corrects our guest. “I’m ‘straight’. I like cock ... But ... You know, sometimes it’s fun to give ma boy a treat. One of my friends, or one of his friends ... Make his dreams come true ... That kind of thing. And that’s what this is about ... Makes his dreams come true...”

“And today, is this about making your perverted little dreams come true too?” Asks Andy, making an expert segue from the interview to the sex...

“Aye ... Fore sure ... I just want to show the world what a dirty girl I am!”

Andy looks a little doubtful. “Yeah? A dirty little slut, are you?”

She nods, “Yeah...”

“Dirty little dogwhore, eh?” He chuckles in his friendly way – and she nods again with a smile. He’s moving closer to her, and she’s tipping her head up toward his, looking like she’s expecting him to kiss her, and looking like she’s ready to do whatever he wants her to do ... He stops right infront of her, close enough to smell each other’s breath, and then orders her, “Alright, dogwhore ... Tits oot ... Let’s see how dirty you are...”

She looks around, a little surprised she’s being asked to expose herself whilst still on church land. “Right here?” Bringing her hands up to the front of her dress as she continues to check her surroundings.

“Come on...” Urges Andy, calling her bluff. “A dirty little slut wouldn’t be worried about being seen...”

“Aye ... It’s just that this is ma church ... Father Donnelly could see...” She laughs.

“Oh, don’t worry ... I’m sure Father Donnelly watches the show every week!” pushes our host.

Joy looks around at the church again, then turns back to us with a naughty-girl smile, reaching up to take hold of the front of her dress, pulling one side out, reaches in with the other hand and pulling the boob to the middle so we can see the little pink nipple. Then repeats the process on the other side. This leaves her with her boobs squashed extra tight together, both nipples on show... “I can’t do better than that, the dress is too tight...” She confirms with another smile.

“Well, maybe you should just take the dress off...” Suggests our host.

Joy laughs again, then checks, “Really? Here?” Looking around again. “I thought we’d be going back to my place or something...”

“Naaah ... This’ll have a much better feel on the show ... Dirtier – our audience loves dirty!” Advises Andy. “You want to be dirty, don’t you...?”

She looks uncertain, looking around again.

We hear a crew member suggest that, “Maybe we can move into the lane over there...” – then as Joy and Andy both look in the suggested direction, and Joy looks a little happier, we cut to...

Joy, in the lane behind the church, less exposed to the street, but still in view of a number of windows in the rear of the church. She’s unzipping the side of her dress and peeling the top down away from her tits – which are beautifully pert, young and firm – and very pale. Her nipples pink and erect.

As she peels the dress down further, we can see that she’s marvellously slim – confirming that the tight dress was clinging to her, rather than squeezing her flesh inward. She really does have that slim build.

She’s still looking around as she strips, pausing every now and then before shimmying it down a little further, over her hips, down her thighs to confirm that she came out without any underwear on. Wriggling it off long, pale, strong legs ... Her pussy is shaved completely bald, which comes as no surprise. She’s ultimately left wearing nothing but those stacked high-heel shoes and a nervous smile. Her hands poised, ready to come up and hide herself should anyone walk around the corner.

“Okay ... You kneel down there – and I’ll bring the boys in to pose for a few promotional shots...” Advises Andy sternly, not giving her an option.

She gets down to her knees – a difficult manoeuvre in those shoes – making sure her knees are comfortable on the hard lane surface, and waits as our host walks around behind her, the two German Shepherds allowing him to line them up – positioning them one on either side of her. Despite her being completely naked and down at their height, they don’t appear to make any kind of sexual advance on her – just standing beside her, tails wagging, looking up at our camera crew. They sit when Andy tells them to, and we’ve suddenly got a fantastic shot...

Naked, pale, attractive young lady, kneeling on the ground, with a big hairy beast sitting on either side of her. Sitting back on her heels, she’s not much taller than the dogs as they all look up at our camera and wait whilst we take some publicity shots. Joy alternates between smiles, giggling, making pouty sexy faces, and mimicking the dogs, her tongue out as she pretends to pant.

The cameras click and the flashes flash as she waits ... She puts an arm around each of the hairy beasts, pulling them closer against her on both sides – long hair touching the sides of her breasts – and her nipples appear to get longer and harder ... She’s calming herself by repeating “Nice doggies ... Big doggies...” between each pose.

Andy echoes her comments with a twist from off camera, “Bad doggies ... Scary beasts ... Gonna fuck you...”

She turns to face one of them – Bucky - and he immediately them licks her face ... She reacts instinctively, pulling back, then calms herself and offers her mouth to him ... Letting him lick, and licking back – chasing his tongue playfully - proving she’s for real and not some think-big, wannabe little slut ... Breathing hard and smiling as she does it...

On her other side, Butchy gets jealous and pushes over to lick at the other side of her face. She reacts to his tongue by turning toward him, pushing her chin out and letting his tongue slop over her jaw, then her mouth – which she opens to welcome his tongue too. As she turns away from him, Bucky follows her – licking at her cheek and her ear ... She laughs a little at the attention - turns away from Butchy and back to Bucky...

She turns from one side to the other, mouth open, tongue flicking out so first one, then the other, can lick at her ... She’s still got a hand around each of them, rubbing and stroking their flanks as they swap kisses.

We cut to a wider angle, watching the young slut as she enjoys the attentions of both dogs ... Her confidence growing as she embraces her inner slut, showing off for the camera – turning her head one way, swapping licks, and then the other to ‘kiss’ the other...

The three of them holding the same basic position as we pull back, both dogs still sitting, and from this angle we can see that both dogs are getting horny – beyond the licking, they have the first signs of arousal, little pink dick tips poking out of the sheaths on their bellies.

“Oh looky looky ... I think ma boys like you...” Notes Andy, pointing down at those burgeoning erections.

Our guest leans forward, still smiling from the facial soaking the twin beasts have given her – she takes a look at both dog’s bellies, then looks up at the camera with a smile. “I think we should be heading someplace a little more quiet now, eh?”

“We don’t need to go anywhere just now ... There’s plenty of time for that later...” Encourages our host. “Get back to your fantasy...”

Joy looks around, not quite sure of the instructions, but trusting our host...

We cut to a shot of the two shaggy dogs standing almost side-by-side, with the pale beauty flat on her back on the laneway between them, looking back and up toward our camera, and making her most seductive face as we snap a few more publicity stills. She’s shuffling a little, adjusting her position to be comfortable on the hard surface, looking up at the dog’s bellies, and reaching up with each hand to carefully take hold of each of their sheaths ... Rubbing gently, asking, “Like this?”

“Aye ... Perfect ... Just a few more shots...” Calls Andy.

Trusting him, our lovely slut continues to rub and fondle the bellies of both dogs, stimulating more growth in their still little cocks...

These dogs are extremely well trained – staying still as Joy continues to fondle them from below ... Pressing on harder and feeling the stiff little cocks inside, then pinching them between her fingertips and beginning to wank them ... Smiling and looking up at us, commenting, “AAaahhhhh ... This is beginning to get a wee bit serious!!” with a little giggle as a little more dick begins to show under each of the boys. Pink and firm, glistening with their own pre-cum...

We can just about see Andy’s knee as he crouches in the edge of the shot, whispering encouragement to our guest... “Why don’t you give one of them a quick suck right here...?”

She looks in his direction as if this is a joke... “Noooo ... It’s a wee bit public here...” Then looking around, seeing that there’s no-one around, and having second thoughts. “Ooohhh ... Maybe a quick one...”

“Can’t wait, can you? Dirty slut!” Snarls our host.

Our guest flashes us a nervous little grin, giving away her level of excitement as she begins to shuffle back under the dogs, rolling to the side toward Bucky and pushing her head up under his black belly ... Pulling his sheath back a little further, exposing more of his semi-erect shaft ... Pursing her lips – letting the tip of the cock rub against them, wetting them ... Slipping her tongue out to lick the tip, then moving back along the shaft, running her tongue along it ... Half smiling, then returning to the tip ... Gaining confidence, opening up and wrapping her mouth around the dick ... Closing up and sucking gently for a few seconds, wanking the cock toward her mouth rather than moving her head...

She keeps sucking – moving her face closer, taking the cock deeper, still wanking the shaft into her mouth ... The cock growing as she continues playing with it ... Her eyes to the side watching our camera as we watch her at work, smiling a little around that cock.

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“The United Kingdom of Zoo – Series 4, Episode 14: Kimberly” by Luke Ozvik Series 4, Episode 14: KIMBERLY We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking down on a busy motorway – cars flying by at 70-80-90mph ... Now we’re on the windswept sea-front of an old-fashioned English resort town ... Finally, we’re in a quiet, narrow residential street, late at night, outside a traditional English pub. White walls and black...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e18 Rachael

Series 4, Episode 18: RACHAEL We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... A large sewage treatment plant. A mini montage of big circular pools of household waste, being chewed up and cleaned by large rotating mechanical arms ... It looks like it smells terrible. The occasional member of staff, checking equipment, wearing full overalls...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS11 E06 Lucinda Glass 46 from Middlesbrough

We start this week’s show with establishing footage from our drone camera as it flies over a large area of well-appointed parkland – bowling greens, rows of trees in large curves, recently mown lawns, a children’s play park, over a small lake, more trees and then down to the neat semi-detached houses beyond... Dropping all the way down to street level, bringing our host into view – a white speck on the pavement at first, then as we get closer – a nicer, more attractive speck ... Closer...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E01 Christina Bruce 42 from Belfast

With series 12 completed, we roll straight through into series 13 - the same hosts, doing the same things all over again ... Aren’t we getting bored of this yet? Well, it appears not ... So... We start this week’s show with establishing shots of quiet suburban streets – semi-detached homes, very middle class and safe... And then, stepping into frame from the side, moving from behind the camera to infront - this week’s host ... Still the nation’s least likely sex symbol – short, fat,...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e16 Ava Marvaux 22

from Tottenham, London. We fade in on our hostess, Charley. She’s skirting that territory between sexy and strange. With her heavily botoxed face, obviously fake bolt-on boobs, and all those tattoos on her chest, her legs, her arms ... All wrapped up in too-small clothes, showing off as much flesh as possible – mini-skirt, sleeveless low-cut top. She’s strange, but she’s ours... We’re on a wide grey street, black fences on either side, nothing beyond them on one side, a blue storage...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e19 Belinda

Series 4, Episode 19: Belinda We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... We’re in an unimpressive residential area. Lots of orange/brown two story terraced houses that probably looked very modern and sharp in the early 80s, but now just look boring. An occasional resident walks along the street alone, a couple of cars pass by –...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e5 Julia Green 56

We fade in on high street – plenty of people around, obviously not during the Coronavirus lockdown. The camera swings around to face a bank, then moves in through the doors – past a member of staff on the front desk who waves at whoever is holding the camera (clearly knowing them) ... The camera moves past a line of customers and up to one of the cash windows ... The clerk behind the window looks up... She’s middle-aged, with a tired, almost ‘loose’ looking face – one of those big mouths...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e20 Tina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a built-up inner-city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a crowded sandy beach – kids building sandcastles, parents sunbathing ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures... Now we’re looking at a sandy beach on a perfect summer’s day – small waves rolling...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e7 Siobhan

Series 4, Episode 7: SIOBHAN We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a grim street of residential blocks – skinny kids running around as exhausted looking single mothers carry the shopping home ... Then we’re looking down at a crowded street market – barrows selling everything from fresh fruit and veg, to handmade jewelry and knock-off designer handbags. Now we’re in the middle of a busy food-court - restaurants...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e1 Sammy Murty

We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a perverted version of Supergirl ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea level over the Severn Estuary, between Wales (with a cartoonish huge flag waving on the coast, and the south-west coast of England, with...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e10 Alison Latham

Series 5, Episode 10: Alison Latham (47) – Wolverhampton We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then our very cartoonish, top heavy and slutty caricature of Charley appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” Then she waves for us to follow her, turns and skydives toward the country below at...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e7 Effat Hassan 41

Footage through a car window, looking out at a twilight sky and a virtually empty motorway ahead ... There’s a car in the distance ahead of us, an occasional car or truck coming the other way, passing us at speed, nothing like you’d expect from a busy rush hour motorway. Then we’re looking down at the driver from a high angle, corner mounted GoPro. The driver, as you’d expect, is the cleavage heavy, filthy looking pornstar-esque Charley Ozvik, the face of the British bestiality business, and...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e3 Rebecca

“The United Kingdom of Zoo” Series 5, Episode 3: Rebecca We open with a shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us like a twisted version of the old “Bewitched’ tv titles ... She smiles at us, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit to sea level over the English Channel, off the south coast, in...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e7 Asha

Series 5, Episode 7: Asha Goyal We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our host, Charley, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the UK below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess10e01 Anita Vernon 25 from Bury

As part of our commitment to social distancing and the safety of our great nation, this season of the “United Kingdom of Zoo” has been filmed almost entirely with remote cameras. We wish to thank the many lovely ladies who have travelled to see us at our Manchester studios, and hope they all enjoyed fulfilling their fantasies as much as we enjoyed watching... We fade in on a dark set. A spotlight illuminates a single bed – steel-frame, mattress, no bedclothes or pillows. We had a scour a...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess3e10 Stacy 44 hairdresser from London

Series 3, Episode 10: Stacy On one side of the street a row of pre-War three-story buildings – shopfront downstairs, residential apartment/flats above. On the other side of the street, modern four/five level office buildings, and an old train station with a sign outside that reads, “Welcome to Enfield Chase”. We’re in North London to meet our next subject, and she’s a subject who’s worth meeting. Back to those shopfronts – one in particular – Hair By Hottinger. A modest hair and beauty...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess6e11 Janine Saunders 18

Series 6, Episode 11 – Janine Saunders (18), from Birmingham We fade in on a nice townhouse in a nice neighbourhood – then we cut to inside the house and see our hostess – Charley – sitting at her desk, a large computer editing suite laid out infront of her (big computer, multiple screens, etc.) She appears to be editing an episode of ‘The United Kingdom of Zoo’ as we watch, although there’s nothing sexual on screen at the moment, just a young couple walking a large Alsatian. Charley turns...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e2 Victoria Bravia 20

We open with our beautiful animated shot of the United Kingdom – from space ... Then our cartoon, top heavy tattooed version of Charley appears, floating in the sky with us, winking and smiling - then waving for us to follow her as she turns and falls toward the country at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit toward the northern part of England, all the way down to a large old city of Sheffield right in the middle, in just a few seconds. Our animated Charley leads us all the...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess9e16 Sienna Triosi 24 married showoff

Series 9, Episode 16: Sienna Triosi (24), from Ipswich We open with a shot of a very boring, street two-up two-down terraced houses. Small paved front yards provide off street parking for a couple of small cars each. And then, walking up the street toward us – the chunky figure of our favourite Cockney wideboy, Dennis, and beside him the sleek, narrow figure of his mean looking, hard-loving, but ultimately very well-behaved Doberman, Casanova. We track backwards as he walks – keeping him...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12E19 Emma Withe 54 from Oakham

We fade in in the middle of a quiet street, in the low-rise central area of a small midlands town, with one and two story buildings around us. To one side, a long flat warehouse/factory type unit, stocking and fitting tyres for local drivers, to the other, the town’s train station. Looking like a traditional old station, but rebuilt fairly recently. There’s a small car park between us and the station, and it’s almost full. We watch as a car drives down the road toward us, then turns into the...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e13 Colette

Series 4, Episode 13: COLETTE We see that familiar opening sequence – various scenes of UK life, taken from the introductions to previous episodes – a field, a beach, a pub, a motorway ... And then we’re looking at something new... This time our drone camera is floating over a road in a nice suburb on a beautiful sunny day. High stone/brick walls separate nice houses from the pavement. Not too many cars driving by. We’re following a middle-aged woman as she jogs ... Well, it’s more of a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess4e4 Melina

We’re looking at the beautiful English countryside – fields, stone walls, a few cows grazing ... Then we’re looking at a build-up inner city street – big shop windows and hundreds of people walking by ... Then we’re looking at a big boat crossing over a river – tourists leaning over the sides, taking pictures ... And finally we’re floating over the dull terraced houses and occasional grim tower-block of a northern English city. Over allotments, over a slow-moving river, dropping down toward a...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e16 Lily Parkinson 32

Series 8, Episode 16: Lily Parkinson (32), from Chester We pan over a couple of large wooden animal shapes – a rhino and a giraffe - open on a large sign that reads “Chester Zoo”, then pan down to the main gates, watching as an excited family enters the facility. A mini-montage shows us some of the animals – large lizards, chimpanzees, elephants, lions, and finally a pair of dingos ... Pausing on the final animals as one suddenly mounts the other and starts fucking her ... We cut to a...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS13E17 Eva Ahn 33 from Motherwell

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a bright and classy business park – 2 and 3 level buildings with red and white facias, large black windows, small car parks... The car parks are mostly empty as we pan from one building to the next, and we realize that the sun is dropping in the background – it’s an evening shoot, and all of the workers have gone home for the day... We end our pan looking at the one building with cars/vans in the carpark. And then our host steps into...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess12e07 Cora Toney 25 from Newcastle

We start this week’s show with establishing shots of a large allotment on a sunny day – lots of small gardens sectioned off from one another, middle aged men avoiding their families – growing flowers, vegetables, or just hiding in garden sheds – and then we’re looking at a large blue-grey Weimaraner ... Watching for a moment as he sniffs around the corner of a garden shed, then turns, cocks his leg, and pisses on it... And then, stepping out from behind the shed, catching a little of that...

3 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS12 E20 Eva Straskova 30 from Notting Hill London

We start this week’s show with an establishing shot of a large, grey, concrete and glass building. Seven storeys high, each as boring and square as the last. If it wasn’t for the row of green trees planted in the wide pavement out front there wouldn’t be any colour here at all. We move toward the building and note that the ground floor windows are mirrored glass – briefly casting a reflection of our camera crew – as we approach a pair of glass double-doors. Stencilled on the glass, a very...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e5 Andrea

Series 5, Episode 5: Andrea Fereday (29) – Uxbridge We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space... Our cartoonish, top heavy image of Charley appears, floating infront of us, smiling and giggling, then waves for us to follow her ... Turns and dives toward the country at hyper-sonic speed – and we follow - dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading toward the south, toward London, then veering westward as we hurtle toward the ground ... Reaching ground level in...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriesS14E01 Adrienne Huntington 42 from Swanage

We open this week’s show, as usual, with an establishing shot of the seafront of a small seaside town. Shops and shoppers, deserted ice-cream stands, a beach filled with yellow sand but virtually no holiday makers, and a very choppy bay stretching out in the distance, with land on one side and a pier on the other. We can hear the unmistakable blustering sound of wind blowing in off the sea ... We’re clearly at a seaside resort in the middle of winter. A big caption appears, filling almost...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e18 Sylvia Distin 55 from Chelmsford

We’re cruising along a wide and quiet suburban street. Green lawns stretch back from the pavement to the nice semi-detached homes. There’s a slim woman walking a large dog along the side of the road, and we pan around to look at her as we pass – it’s no-one we know, but we kind of wish we did! Then we’re looking forward again – seeing an intersection infront of us ... Then pulling up, looking out of the side window right at a single story, flat-roofed building. A sign outside reads,...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e8 Patricia

Series 5, Episode 8: Patricia Grant (41) – Dagenham We open with our familiar high image of the United Kingdom – from high up in orbit ... The whole of the British Isles in one shot. Then our top-heavy cartoon character version of Charley, our host, appears infront of us ... She points down toward the landmass below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then waves and turns and falls toward the country at...

2 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e13 AnneMarie Silverwood

We open with our beautiful animation of the United Kingdom – from space ... Pause for a moment – then fall toward the planet at hyper-sonic speed, dropping from a low-Earth orbit – heading north, toward Scotland ... Reaching ground level in the countryside in seconds. From here we race north, approaching cartoon St Andrew’s flags indicating that we are entering Scotland. High speed overland, fading through to live action as we enter the outer suburbs of a city ... Then through the streets...

4 years ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess5e6 Maria

Series 5, Episode 6: Maria Sinclair (55) We open with an image of the United Kingdom – from high, high up ... The whole country in one shot. Then a very cartoonish, top heavy pouting caricature of our beloved Charley appears, floating in the sky with us ... She points down toward the country below and says, “Hey look ... It’s the United Kingdom of Zoo ... Let’s look closer and see what we can see...” She giggles, then turns and dives toward the country at super-sonic speed, dropping to sea...

1 year ago
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The United Kingdom of Zoo A fake BBC documentary seriess8e6 Simone Butt 27 pig lover

Series 8, Episode 6: Simone Butt (27), from Bristol We open with an establishing shot of an impressive, modern brick and glass façade of a six-story office block on a busy street. Very clean, under a clear blue sky. We can see a figure approaching along the pavement, a slim lady with blonde hair. She’s wearing ripped blue jeans and a tight t-shirt, and her nice round boobs bounce on every step. It’s our Polish princess, Petra – and this week there’s no sign of her lovely Labrador. She...

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